Relatable. Tight hugs xxx

Hi Clarissa
My ex told our kids we were separating and asked them who they wanted to live with, they told me. I tried to contact him to discuss it and he just said he was getting the kids are asked them who they want to live with. I took them from school early to a friends and when I finally got to meet up with him he had said I left him and changed the locks on my home. I was made to leave as he had signed the lease with only his name I did not know he had done that. I had nowhere to live and was in shock! all my stuff was in my home.
My lawyer asked for my things he said no. he took me to the cleaners with his lawyer who was a bulldog. Even my lawyer screwed me over. I swear they were all narcissists I was thrown to the wolves and was in no state to cope in the supposed Mediation which turned into a slaughter with disrespect and lies including his lawyer yelling at me I had to leave the room due to falling apart. My lawyer really was not on my side!
I was left feeling raped literally and I knew what that felt like for real from the relationship if you know what I mean (yes) he raped me in the marriage too and later said no one would believe me!
I went home and curled into a ball and cried in that position like a baby terrified and hurt and traumatized. Next he went for the kids and manipulated them too. I’ve ended up with glandular fever and other complications and 2 years in court.
I’ve had to move as my landlords were narcs too and now this one has a property manager also not a good person. My bosses only care about themselves I keep looking for another job all of this is taxing and I just want to quit work and recover!!!
I keep fighting keep meditation looking for my health and my happiness I am determined to get through this and I will! I will come good and so will all of you. don’t give up and don’t give in just one day at a time finding happiness in the smallest things especially your kids and friends and people who are there for you. God bless you all xxxxx God is there and he does take care so call on him I do, no matter how bad it gets, the bible has a promise that he takes care of the widow, he will watch over you and provide and is the only one who can judge or take revenge. Their is such a thing as righteous anger and you can take this to him I have. I have so many stories which show he is in charge and brings truth into lies….

Thanks for this lovely interview! It was perfect timing as I was reflecting on this topic. I wanted to share some thoughts on the metaphor that trauma and suffering are gifts. For many of us, this direct equation can be deeply triggering. I would like to respectfully suggest a more compassionate framework.

It isn’t the intrinsic abuse, trauma, suffering, or torture which are gifts but our own willingness to go within to see what is under cruel, evil (ignorant) acts. We don’t have to suffer for all eternity to receive gifts or evolve. I wouldn’t walk past a woman being raped on the street and tell her it’s a gift. I think that’s obvious. The trouble with unresolved trauma is, from a somatic nervous system approach, it’s fresh in our bodies just as if it were happening right now, no matter if it occurred 15 years ago. So hearing that trauma is a gift can feel very dismissive and hurtful.

This is how it is landing with some of your audience, which is why I believe Barbara, the woman in the first comment on this article, could no longer continue to listen. Finding the gifts under the debris is an alchemical process of transformation, which often takes time, and I have seen this gift metaphor callously and prematurely used by many coaches. In my case such behavior by a coach retraumatized me because I was dismissed, not seen or heard or witnessed. I was sharing with her my at times excruciating health symptoms, and she flatly said, “Do you feel the gifts?” She was spiritually bypassing me and my suffering by rushing to where she expects me to be, rather than honoring where I am at and what is happening. It was completely inappropriate for her to treat me this way and was emotionally abusive. While I believe there could be gifts under this pain and suffering, right now I do not know what they are and do not feel them. Finding the gifts is a process, and maybe some people never will find the gifts. Sometimes people feel shame if they hear this gift metaphor and don’t yet (or ever) feel the gifts.

Basically, what I’m saying is one can be thankful for what they’ve learned and unearthed and cultivated in the healing process while not being thankful for the actual abuse/abusers.

Thank you for all you do. I love your resources and am in NARP!

Hi Reena,

Thank you for your comment lovely lady and please know how welcome you are.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

As ever you are so clear and give the information I need to hear to heal from the victimising and shaming.
Thank you for your clarity and this wonderful interview, it was so good to hear it and to feel less isolated and to see 2 intelligent women speaking so profoundly and truly.

I am grateful that you are here and helping me in this community.
Love Reena.

Hi Clarissa,

I remember feeling exactly how you do. I even remember thinking, “ had I just kept enduring it, and kept everything as it was, I’d not be in this mess…” but here’s the thing, I left the relationship because something deep within me instinctively KNEW that that toxicity was a genuine threat to my own well-being; moreover, it was a treat to my existence.

That decision to leave was my first true act of self love. The decision you made, is the first step you’re taking into a new, and better life, if you seize the opportunity you have now; to heal yourself. You have a super support network here, and incredible tools to heal and love yourself, and claim a better life. You just need time and some deep self-study.

I’d hug you if I could…just know I’m praying for your healing.

Hi Melissa,

How lovely that you found your way here! I’m glad our interview deeply validated and resonated with you.

Much love to you.

Mel 🙏💕❤️