Since we began the pre-launch party last week, the outpour of support for my upcoming book You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse has been nothing short of incredible.

In amongst this, so many of you have posted your heartfelt messages sharing how the Thriver Movement has changed your life.

Words can’t describe how much this warms my heart.

My “thank you’s” do not seem enough!

Please know, this book and the Thriver Mission couldn’t be possible without you, and because of this, I would love you to continue joining in and sharing the material we have coming your way.

Together, we have the consciousness, power, and willingness to bring much-needed awareness of narcissistic abuse into the mainstream.

Today, it brings me great joy to kick off the first week of the book launch party with this interview:

Theresa Cheung is an extraordinary lady and best-selling author in the fields of spirituality, heaven, the science of the paranormal and the afterlife.

Theresa joined the NARP Program in 2017 because of experiencing an insidious narcissistic relationship with a work colleague, and after making tremendous progress in her healing, reached out and shared her story and convinced me to write a book.

From that point, Theresa did everything in her power to make ‘You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse’ a reality. It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her!

Today, you will hear Theresa’s narcissistic abuse story, and how, like so many of us who are spiritual seekers, she thought she would be immune to an abuser …but wasn’t.

Within this interview, you will also learn about what a lightworker is, why narcissists target them, and what a lightworkers mission really is here as well as the challenges they have to deal with in their life.

If you, like so many of us, know that you are here to help bring light and healing to yourself, others and the world, yet have been traumatised and taken down by abuse and narcissists, I know that this is an interview that will deeply resonate with you.

You will also learn how you can still be a great person, and do your life’s work without being susceptible to narcissists again.


Show Notes

Theresa tells her own narcissistic abuse story (3.44)

What is a lightworker? (5.43)

Why narcissists target lightworkers. (6.08)

Narcissistic Abuse is a gift from heaven (7.30)

The lightworker’s journey and common things they deal with in life. (9.26)

‘Beware of ‘givers’ being a narcissist. (13.15)

What is the meaning of life? (15.20)

Why narcissists come into our lives and offer us relief from pain and depression. (17.49)

Why lightworkers are here to find their light, anchor it and help other people. (20.02)

The inward journey and dealing with the loneliness and desperation after being discarded. (20.43)

Mel gives the answer so that lightworkers do not become a target for narcissists. (23.52)

Theresa shares her advice for lightworkers who want to help people without being trapped and taken out by a narcissist. (28.32)


Thank You For Watching The Interview!

I know this topic will relate to so many of you who wish to shine your light fearlessly in this world without being a target for narcissists. I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I did making it for you.

I really do believe that the time is NOW … where we can help shine truth, light and personal power for ourselves and others to become the change that we dearly want to see in the world.

I’d love you to share your questions and comments in the section below!

Please know, we have more exciting interviews coming your way over the next several weeks! The best way to ensure you don’t miss anything is to be subscribed to the New Life Newsletter and following me on Facebook and Instagram 


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Commments (75) + Leave a comments

75 thoughts on “Why Narcissists Target Lightworkers – With Theresa Cheung

  1. Hi Melanie I couldn’t listen to anymore regarding “Narcissism is shift from Heaven. I have just ended a 3rd narcissistic relationship, the latter best me up and sexually assaulted me. I start counseling tomorrow.

    Love Barbara Donaldson

  2. Melanie, I hate to say it, but it’s too late for me! I’m too tired of fighting every stinken day of the week. It isn’t just narcissist, but basically so many ignorant nasty selfish people. I started doing well, but I shared one of your videos. All that did was get me attacked everyday by more narcs, scammers & my friends were about to start another smear campaign. The second one since 7/4. I’m a small woman & look like I wouldn’t hurt a fly. All that does is get me picked on, try to fraud me every day of the week. I have been betrayed by so many people who all they do is take, take, take & try to make me pay fraud. I walked off FB, because people don’t know how to be a friend. 100 of emails of sharing & commenting is nothing, but a waste of time. I lead by example & what does that bring nothing but kicks in the teeth. God hasn’t answer my prayers in years, but I’m suppose to help others while not well & so tired & then get kicked in the teeth more & more. The police will not do a damn thing about anything where I’m at. They like to insult you & bad mouth you to the officers. They have lied to me & told me we don’t do robbery & being attacked is not a crime. Until God answers something, I’m done, just done. I can’t go on too tired to even clean my apt. & the apt will ride your butt to clean. I came home from major surgery & I almost died. The surgery went fine, but I gave up. As long as I’m going to get kicked in the teeth, while helping others & being used, I HATE PEOPLE. I’m done with people & not lifting a finger to help anymore! I help others & no charge & they want to slander my name & use me. Haven’t you heard, this is the norm for so many. The stones won’t stop coming, so many are suffering. I can’t stand this horrible world any longer & we should never have been created. Too tired to give a damn any longer.

    1. hi Carol. i was going to go to sleep untill i noticed your blog. you are not responsible for other peoples behaviour. dont give these people anything of yourself again. you look after no 1 in narp and in life, you dont need these revolting people around you, lose curiosity about them, dont give them attention supply. you want to help, dont enable, dont wait for them , you tell them your busy. when they ask you for something disappoint them, you just spent all your money. i will give you a little magic trick too. if you want to cut certain people out who are not serving you, try this it will mess with their will power. write the names of anyone whos ever taken advantage of you. if no name write the intention on a piece of paper. seal it in a water filled jar or plastic bag and put it in the freezer. dont ask me how this works im not a believe in magic but this has some strange effect on gossips. it causes no physical harm but they loose intention and go else where. try this untill you start to get a little self confidence and space. Robert

    2. To the Ladies still suffering so much,
      Remember how your brain has been altered through abuse and trauma. Therapies like EMDR/bilateral stimulation, and Vagus nerve release can also help. Find a mantra and image to focus on where you can go when you are exhausted from processing your experience at any given time. You are the Diamond at the center of the Rose, watch in your minds eye as it slowly opens to reveal! ❤️

    3. Beautiful, Carol,

      It is hard, so very, very hard. I truly understand how hard it is and how easy it is to want to go to that place of hating people.

      The darkness can only win if we let it!

      Love yourself, just love yourself. Listen to what it is you need, don’t let the world around you influence you.

      Love and light, gorgeous one, love and light

    4. It is obvious to me that you are suffering from extreme depression and anxiety, and are already part of the way into a nervous breakdown, just as I was many years ago. I tried after this episode to get a better life and take control of my life, but fell straight into the shadow of a narcissist, and embarked on a nine year long intense relationship with him, peppered with abuse at regular intervals along the way which got worse and worse and at more and more regular intervals until it was becoming practically every day. I finally could not take any more, fed up with crying all of the time and so finally gave him an ultimatum and asked for a decision – me or something else, he chose something else. I was left traumatised and in a state of shock facing massive betrayal. It took me two years to finally shake off the constant obsessive thoughts about him/us etc, etc,but now have managed to do so by realising that I was not supposed to be the sole supplier of his happiness, and it was me that I should be more concerned with, MY needs, MY desires, My happiness. It took me a long time to realise that I was not being selfish by putting myself first. I was making my life a misery by trying to please others a little bit at the extent of hurting myself a hell of a lot more. You are not supposed to be helping others at the cost of hurting yourself to a much larger degree and you must stop doing that. You must get treatment for your awful depression, I know how near impossible it is to come back from the bleak place that you are in without help, you need help, forget everyone else now – YOU NEED HELP. I still feel just as much love, and desire to help others as I ever did, and if I can do so without more harm to myself then I will do so, but I keep myself safe now, and I do not give my ex “special friend” the time of day, and nor do I want to. I do not love him, I do not even hate him any more, I don’t feel anything for him any more. I imagine deep down, like myself, you can “feel” when someone is toxic, and like myself you probable put those feelings down to imaginations, excitement or something else to explain feeling like that, but they are showing you the truth – never ignore them again, your body is showing you what your mind knows unconsciously – take heed and act on your gut instincts. It is true that there are horrible people in this world – evil even, but likewise there are beautiful souls like yourself also, and you will find them and they will come to you as soon as you give yourself the right to be who you are meant to be You need life and life needs you, go out there and live it xx

      1. Excellent advice, Carolyn. People that have been the victim of Narcissistic abuse Do need therapy. There’s no shame in going to counseling! In addition to reading and listening to Melanie’s very helpful videos, individual counseling will help you discover your own strength, worth and Validate the feelings we’ve been having as we have lost ourselves in trying to please others and focus on everyone else’s needs instead of our own. You must detach from those who belittle and abuse you and do the work in therapy and NARP which will bring healing to you. You are not alone, most of us here have suffered the damage of narcissistic abuse. Stay connected with this community, go to counseling and watch/listen to Melanie’s videos again and again. You are a worthy child of God. Baby steps. Detach from abuser and most importantly Do Not give up!

    5. Dear Carol, wow it sounds like you have been given several raw deals. I in general, am suspicious of people for quite a while until they prove themselves FIRST. Which takes months and months til I open my heart just a little. I might be overly cautious, but I do it to protect who I am. You must be very giving of heart which wolves will of course recognize and prey upon. So now, a person has to EARN trust and heart and generosity first before I give it. Don’t throw your pearls before swine, so they say. I too was abused in various ways. Decided I am worth more, than the level which some people chose to treat me. Their treatment of me was a reflection of THEM and their twistedness. Please know you are more valuable than the knaves who mistreated you. They can crawl back into their cave where they came from.

  3. What a remarkable interview ! The honesty, and most of all letting people know they are not alone ! I’ve been working Module 1 still and this stuff is absolute dynamite for the hurting spirit….. You guys are my Heroes ~ Best of all I hope to be my own Hero one day ! Nar abuse brought me to my knees like nothing else I have ever seen – including alcoholism and addiction. What a revelation to know there is a way up and out of all the damage ~ There IS an answer & a very powerful one !!! I thank the Gods for you Melanie ~ You are truly a Godsend !!!! Thank you Thank you Thank you

    1. It took me 44 years of torture and lies. Melanie, over and over I have listened to your shows and read all you have offered. I do realize it is me needing to deal with all that was wrong before those years. You have a compassionate and understanding that no one else could have unless they walked the path. Changing my life at nearly 67 is becoming more exciting with each word you say. The pain of such a long relationship was nearly unbearable but reaching down into my soul, with your help has brought me to a place I haven’t seen in a long time…happiness. God Bless You and thank you for giving so much of yourself away.

      1. Hi Connie,

        I adore reading about the inspiration that you are!

        Brave and incredible lady thank you for your post and helping shine the way for others!

        So much love and respect to you and please know I am so thrilled to have been able to help.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    2. Hi Teiwaz,

      Thank you for you comment and I am so pleased that NARP Module is helping you shift out of the trauma already.

      I so agree that this brings us to our knees – totally!

      Awww please know you are so welcome and sending you blessings and incredible healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  4. This was lovely. I think what moves me so much is knowing that I am not alone. As abandonment fears have been my deepest trigger, the healing of it has largely come through being in community. It makes being alone far different from feeling isolated, which is a distinction I never had before. I can be alone now knowing I am connected to something far bigger than myself. It all starts with being connected on the inside. And from there I have discovered what it means to be connected to others. Before I looked to my narcissistic relationships to fill the disconnect. They showed me exactly what I needed to heal. For that I am grateful.

  5. Here’s my question. What do you say to someone who literally lost everything ( job, money, clothes, belongings and apartment) to get away from the abuse and no longer have nothing and want to end their life? Because this is where I have been for 2 weeks and counting and I can see no way out of this deep dark pit of despair. I cannot get back on my feet fast enough to catch up with the mess I created by leaving him. I am devastated what has happened to my life

    1. Awww Clarissa,

      My heart goes out to you. So many of us, truly, have been in this place.

      I really suggest you reach out to your local community services and also please tap into my free resources here which can grant you some clarity, relief and strength

      Clarissa please know there is a way out and forward.

      Sending love, strength and healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    2. Clarissa, such a pretty name. I hope you know YOU ARE WORTH more than what you lost. Don’t give up. I saw a counselor for nearly two years. Helped me tremendously.

    3. Hi Clarissa,

      I remember feeling exactly how you do. I even remember thinking, “ had I just kept enduring it, and kept everything as it was, I’d not be in this mess…” but here’s the thing, I left the relationship because something deep within me instinctively KNEW that that toxicity was a genuine threat to my own well-being; moreover, it was a treat to my existence.

      That decision to leave was my first true act of self love. The decision you made, is the first step you’re taking into a new, and better life, if you seize the opportunity you have now; to heal yourself. You have a super support network here, and incredible tools to heal and love yourself, and claim a better life. You just need time and some deep self-study.

      I’d hug you if I could…just know I’m praying for your healing.

    4. Hi Clarissa
      My ex told our kids we were separating and asked them who they wanted to live with, they told me. I tried to contact him to discuss it and he just said he was getting the kids are asked them who they want to live with. I took them from school early to a friends and when I finally got to meet up with him he had said I left him and changed the locks on my home. I was made to leave as he had signed the lease with only his name I did not know he had done that. I had nowhere to live and was in shock! all my stuff was in my home.
      My lawyer asked for my things he said no. he took me to the cleaners with his lawyer who was a bulldog. Even my lawyer screwed me over. I swear they were all narcissists I was thrown to the wolves and was in no state to cope in the supposed Mediation which turned into a slaughter with disrespect and lies including his lawyer yelling at me I had to leave the room due to falling apart. My lawyer really was not on my side!
      I was left feeling raped literally and I knew what that felt like for real from the relationship if you know what I mean (yes) he raped me in the marriage too and later said no one would believe me!
      I went home and curled into a ball and cried in that position like a baby terrified and hurt and traumatized. Next he went for the kids and manipulated them too. I’ve ended up with glandular fever and other complications and 2 years in court.
      I’ve had to move as my landlords were narcs too and now this one has a property manager also not a good person. My bosses only care about themselves I keep looking for another job all of this is taxing and I just want to quit work and recover!!!
      I keep fighting keep meditation looking for my health and my happiness I am determined to get through this and I will! I will come good and so will all of you. don’t give up and don’t give in just one day at a time finding happiness in the smallest things especially your kids and friends and people who are there for you. God bless you all xxxxx God is there and he does take care so call on him I do, no matter how bad it gets, the bible has a promise that he takes care of the widow, he will watch over you and provide and is the only one who can judge or take revenge. Their is such a thing as righteous anger and you can take this to him I have. I have so many stories which show he is in charge and brings truth into lies….

  6. This was lovely and so hit home. I too reached that point – over two years in – where I realized how wrecked I’d become, and that I had to choose between us and me. Understanding trauma bonding made the last boundary setting breakup stick through all the alternating violations and hoovering that followed. I understood, at 58, that the person I need to love most is me. That this challenge to be my own validation was a great gift. It’s work, but everyday is another opportunity to get it right and the light I’ve alway given so freely to others burns much brighter within. Thanks to both of you. I needed that.

  7. Melanie, I’m so happy for you & all the thrivers in this community right now. My journey with and into the Narcissits world officially started in 2014 though I’m sure I have come across some growing up. I actually till this day believe that I’m a narc and am still trying to work on knocking down the defensive walls. i started researching what it meant and have been aware of NPD though now I’m enlightened I am more happy to step back and avoid situations that may leave me or anyone at an disadvantaged. I no longer people please but am assertive and assured about speaking up for what is right and true to and of me. I’m slowly working on my wounds and programming and had planned to do the NARP though my finances are down due to narcissistic abuse or grey rock method I’m not sure so when your book is out I think I will get it instead.Thank you for being a blessing , you can only share the tools, I have to DO the work!!!

  8. Dear Melanie,
    I have watched you for nearly three years now, yours being one of many resources I have accessed over that time. This particular video really spoke to me–Theresa seemed to represent (on a more professional level) what many women innately feel and practice, myself included.
    I had seen both real love and intense trauma before being taken in by a narcissistic partner. Because I had lost my partner some years earlier to a brain aneurysm, I felt a strong need to find the right man to be my adolescent son’s guide to being a man. This is when the narcissist entered, and I bit hook, line, and sinker. 15 years of sadistic treatment and the finally abrupt dump with all the covertly disparaging words to supposed friends coloring me as off the wall crazy, I sought professional therapy from a reknowned trauma and assault specialist, my first experience at this. Other heavy emotional budens we’re coinciding leading me to a diagnosis of complex PTSD at 61 years old ( the year of the dump). I worked with the therapist until the end of 2017.
    I was a strong woman, am a strong woman. This experience, though I told myself I would survive, did nearly kill me. I also knew that was what the narcissist really wanted, though he would’ve exclaimed his deep sorrow and regret at my demise, using it as a tool to take every crumb left behind.
    I did not know until after his departure he had, according to a close relative who accidentally called me once, “more money than God.” He tried to get my children to side with him as he moved on to his new supply, which he had in place years before as he slowly, secretly moved his things from my home and the psychological abuse became physical.
    Thank you for this video. I told a friend a few months ago that every day I feel more like myself. I recognize triggers, am able to matter of factly address verbal abuses (often so subtle) without falling apart at the seams.
    I honor myself for giving the narcissist the unconditional love I knew he really needed. It is only by totally cutting him off from me and my life he may come to understand what that love really means.
    Thank you! I wish you much success with your book!

    1. Hi M,

      I am so pleased that you are out and healing.

      What a painful and incredible journey you have had … no doubt as the incredible healer and light that you are to others.

      Like so many of us we have had to live it to fully understand it and assist others.

      Thank you for your well wishes for my book and I send you the blessings for love and every success that is yours as well.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  9. Hi Mel,
    I started your program a few years ago after the end of my 18 year marriage to a Narc that left me scarred deeply. Your program helped me more than I could comprehend at the time.
    After a long while I went my own way to move forward with life and I found myself 4 years ago in a budding relationship, but this time I saw many “flags on the field” and after 6 weeks I broke it off. He was very mad. I was very proud of myself. While I may have been drawn yet again to another Narc I was able to recognize it for the very first time and stop it. I also recognized that I have been drawn to Narcs my entire life, whether romantically or in close friends and now I understand why.
    Today I am still single and for the first time in my 62 years I am happy about that. I continue to heal and evolve slowly, with ups and downs, sometimes painful loneliness, sometimes thankful aloneness, always with the knowledge that being alone is far better than being with a Narc. It truly is a growth process that hopefully never ends.
    I have pre-ordered your book and can’t wait to read it!
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do.

    1. Hi J,

      That is wonderful that you are honouring and working towards and feeling wholeness within you!

      Please know how welcome you are, and sending you all my love … and big hugs!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  10. Thank you Mel and Theresa! For Sharing your reality and the light really glows from both of you.
    What you shared was genuine, appreciated and an encouragement to one who is working to recover and shine my light to others in the life I have left to live. The NARP program gives the tools to “See” and “Thrive” if we make the effort. I have already seen results and I continue to work through the program. Again, Thank you both for your encouragement. Blessings to you both.

    1. Hi Francis,

      It’s our pleasure!

      Thank you for your wonderful comment and that’s great that NARP is helping you so much!

      Thank you for your blessings, and many blessings as well as incredible continued healing to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  11. Dear Ladies
    Thank you for admitting that you are both still works in progress!
    You are so successful that it really helps to know this, because though I have come so far, I often feel shame and guilt andi fear because I am far from perfect and struggle with addiction. It’s like this came up after I had learned more healthy relationships with others. I still need to keep working on my relationship with myself, and the deep feeling of fear of not being good enough, despite having survived deep trauma and made a life for myself which is so much better in so many ways on the outside.
    I think it’s a message that this will always be a learning journey, and my life purpose is to heal and be healed. I hear those words spoken by my Angels to me time and time again. I have wonderful times, then big struggles, so as Mel says there is nothing else to do but go inside and face the trauma in our bodies, then release it and bring in the light. Much love.Xxx

  12. Hello Melanie & Thrivers!

    What an outstanding interview…It was great to hear Theresa’s story and each time it reinforces what happened to both of you. And, why it is so important to love ourselves. I am a believer in Christ and the Lord speaks about we must FIRST love our neighbors as we LOVE OURSELVES.
    Really, do we even understand how to LOVE ourselves! My goodness this is what hangs all the other scriptures or commandments….to love thyself first in order to love others! For me, that love comes from understanding God’s Love for US! Seeing how beautiful we are through his eyes and accepting it as truth!

    I too had never met any person like him either.

    And of course, I met him at a spiritual Glory Realm prayer meeting. He possessed gifts of healing, prophetic knowledge, etc. In the beginning, I kept putting him off in fact he’s not even my type. Then, the hook came when he noticed my kindness and willingness to help him quickly he proposed marriage showing off at the Grand Canyon in front of an audience of people at sunset on his knees. All this was captured on video and in a local paper. My real friends said my eyes did not look happy but more a look of slight fear. As I got to know him better despite holding to strong boundaries…he said we had the perfect Hallmark relationship!!! UGH!!! I should have ran….later at tmes I really tried!

    From the beginning, I had no inner peace about the entire relationship and broke off the engagement. This did not stop or move him away from me he became more deliberate to stay in the relationship almost wearing me down. I had never fought so hard in my life to get FREE!!! It has been like withdrawing from narcotics. Funny the word narcotics looks similar in root to narcissism!

    Anyways all that to say now, I am just feeling more like my new self!!!

    It was a gift to survive that relationship and escape from what would have been a living hell. His reality shifted and I realized he never really was capable of empathy or understanding my deeper spiritual needs. Only God Almighty who created my inner parts and this is where I turn for strength.

    Mel, your videos mysterious showed up on a friend;s cell phone. She called me and told me to listen to you! She was trying to help get me free from this person’s grip on my emotions and soul. Your videos were a divine intervention from God Almighty!!!

    She said check out these videos and so I have and will continue to get stronger in my soul to heal deep wounds, to recognizing where it all came from the ancient gates of ancestary, and the other from messages we were surrounded by thorughout our lives. No longer do I need to be held back but I am starting the work and once I get back on my feet financially again. Guess what I am investing in your book and joining the community to work through the Thriver quantum healing packages! Cannot wait…Bless you greatly!
    Thank you thank you thank you!

    Kind regards,
    Angela 🙂

    1. Hi Angela,

      I couldn’t agree with you more that loving ourselves is the same as seeing ourselves as the Divine sees us.

      I am so pleased that you found your way to our incredible community and that you are going to dive into Thriver Healing!

      It’s your time and thats so exciting.

      Sending love, blessings and incredible breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  13. Thank you so much for this video! I was raised by a mother with narcisstic traits who wasn’t able to provide emotional support as she suffered from mental health issues and hadn’t healed from her own trauma. We’re still in touch but I’m getting better at setting boundaries and I can see growth in her too. At the moment I’m struggling with trusting my intuition and knowing where to go on my career path. I believe that I’m a lightworker but financial difficulties mean it’s hard for me to relax and find my true calling. I will definitely be reading your book at some point ❤

  14. As I lift up these arms
    Elbows Unite.

    Shackled and bound
    With circles of silver

    A lock and a Key
    These weary restrictions

    Accepted long ago
    No attempt of escape

    A soft Spirit has lifted the veil

    And Angel’s hands turn the key

    Metal falls and
    flesh is free

    Those hands that held back for eons

    Perhaps were meant to heal.

  15. Never give up Carol .Don t let them win.It would be what they want.You are a better and stronger person than any of the Ns who have mistreated you and always will be.They targeted you because of your amazing giving qualities and because you have things they will never have….compassion ,generosity and loyalty.Be proud of who you are and leave these poisonous people in the past,where they belong.You dont owe them anything.Someone who is as amazing as you are,is waiting to give you all the love,attention and loyalty you have earned.You just need to find him /her.And to do that ,you need to look in different places.Look to people who give to you and dont take.And who respect your independance and autonomy without punishment or
    criticism.You will be fine.
    Love and Light.x

  16. Dear Melanie and Theresa,

    Thank you for a great video. Melanie’s work has been hugely transformative in helping me up from my knees after lies, slander and gas lighting from a person who married into our family. She sought to destroy our relationships with each other so she could have my brother to herself. When the penny dropped, i was devastated as, like Theresa mentioned, I too have never encountered such tactics before and had given her the benefit of many doubts. Ths slander was the worst aspect as other relatives were told a pack of damaging lies. But thanks to Melanie, and also my ongoing spiritual practice, I have come a long way.

    My family are good Christians however and my mother believes we should forgive this person (turn the other cheek). I feel that I must forgive too, as that this is what the teachings of all religions say and it feels right. But there have been no apologies, no change, no responsibilty taken (quite the reverse). So I maintain no contact, unlike my mother and sibling who have strained relations that periodically cause them a lot of angst. My problem is that I feel guilty, that I am not ‘as good a person’ as them for refusing to absorb her horrible ways and not supporting her in her apparent vulnerabilities.

    This video has reinforced that I am on the right path for me. Moreover, in meditation recently I have sensed the dimension of ‘me’ that is beyond my everyday sense of self (ego?) and somehow I know that THIS is where forgiveness is real and unconditional. This ‘place’ has something to do with conscious awareness at the deepest level and includes in its scope everything perceived and beyond. It is pure peace. Her gift to me is that in searching to forgive she has forced me to find this ‘place’. This is where true forgiveness exists because it is beyond ‘me and her’ as separate entities, more like we are part of one ongoing forgiving flow. I would like to access it more often, it feels like the Flow of Life Itself. It also fits with comments emphasising that we must love ourselves first before we can share love (and forgiveness) with others. Forcing ‘forgiveness’ too early out of a needy desire to be ‘good’ can be damaging, I think? And forgiveness, even when truly given, does not mean allowing toxic behaviour to contaminate our lives.

    It’s taken a long while for me to see this 🙂 thank you.

    1. Hi Susie,

      You are very welcome.

      I completely agree with your synopsis of forgiveness. It really, I believe is the place of unconditional love whereby we set ourselves and others free to be whoever we chose as our values, life and truth.

      The No Contsct part is the honouring of ourselves by saying ‘I love myself enough to no longer allow my pearls to be smashed by swines’ … and ‘I allow you to be you with no need to change you from a distance’.

      You are so on the right track!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    2. Susie, forgiveness doesn’t not mean forgetting. It means to let go and let God take care of it. Forgiveness doesn’t mean hanging out w the offenders because it can still trigger our pain. Its hard to let go. But it’s the best way. Shake the dust off your sandals and walk away.

  17. I have just ordered your book Mel.You have helped me along such a rocky path .i thank you for that and wish you well deserved success with your book .You are a shining example of kindness,beauty inside and out and compassion.You are very loved by the people who follow your work .Keep thriving.Much love and gratitude to you .xxxxx

  18. Hi melanie, thanks so much for all the help and support. I work with the narp program every single day without fail. I committed to your program like my absolute life depended on it and made it my no. 1 priority in life. I was smeared by my ex even to my own parents saying the most sick sexual things that I was a prostitute to my own father. Because of the work I had done I was able to completely release any pain and not react. I was stalked he stood in front of my car so I could not drive away and tried to force his way into my car and still I did not react and said absolutely nothing and got away. I know I would not have been able to be so calm if it wasn’t for the program. Now I am moving on with my life thanks Mel xxxx

    1. Awww Alina,

      You are so welcome. I am so happy for you that you have taken back your power and come so far.

      Thank you for your post and for inspiring others Dear Lady.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  19. This video made me feel very uncomfortable.

    There is something that does not ring true about all of it.

    It all seems very fake, insincere and inauthentic.

  20. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your steps. My steps have been directed to listening to this video of yours and I have received great relief and help by listening!! Thank you so much!

  21. Thank you Melanie and Theresa. The interview was invaluable for me and my 6 yr old daughter. I live in London SW5 and have not been able to protect my daughter via the courts. The Echo Society group support I was in crumble yesterday. I was in bed despairing after a period of getting stronger. Theresa, your words reasonated so much as I turned more to my faith via HTB for help with a depleted soul but was still being martyr. Your words as a mature and highly educate person may persuade the Judge who was manipulated by the Narc (discredited me with lies- the usual I hear but none the less shocking and painful). Thank you for giving me hope with the courts. I feel totally alone as Narc destabilised/manipulated my family. You are both right it starts with childhood. I wish you well with your healing. You answered exactly my questions and needs today. XXE

  22. Hello Melanie and Theresa, thank you so much for this video! You validated my experiences and answered questions I’ve had for so long. I have been confused about being a lightworker but after watching you and Theresa I finally get it! Melanie, you have been helping me for a year now and I honestly don’t know where I would be without you! Thank you both for doing what you do! I can’t wait to read your new book!!💗💫🦋

  23. Hi Melanie and Theresa

    I am also a Light Worker. I struggled terribly with a narcissistic situation at my place of work. Since about 2014. I resigned at the beginning of this year, at my own chosen time – I couldn’t be fired.

    I also believe that these narcissists are angels from heaven in my life – they pushed me out so that I could finally do what I wanted to do. I think of them as angels now, although they would probably hate that, if they knew it. I send them white light many evenings when I meditate.

    I had a co-worker who was extremely jealous of my abilities as a musician, and she was a classic, text book, narcissist. Our big boss always sided with her because she would cry about anything in meetings, whereas I would stay cool and calm. She was a typical charmer, with a need for sexual admiration. She shot down absolutely everything I said or did. I couldn’t escape her, because this was my job. She was incredibly poisonous, and until a friend pointed out that she had NPD, I started reading up on it and got to your site and your downloads.

    So I did your NARP programme, Melanie, and healed myself from the inside, as I knew I should do (as a spiritual person). Your programme helped me incredibly much. And I started to cope (because even though I stayed cool and calm in meetings, that was just a persona).

    It is incredible to hear from someone else who is here to raise the consciousness of those around them, also being targeted.

    I was targeted AGAIN, a few months ago, and just walked away. The person who targeted me was someone I had brought into my work (introduced her), but she suddenly turned, like a chameleon, on me. I walked away, although it was very sore, because she had been my best friend for a long time.

    Now I am extremely happy. All these narcissists played a role to get me where I am now – running my own show, totally by myself, and having regained my confidence in myself to make a living without a structured job.

    I still ask the universe for difficult lessons, because I want to grow and grow and learn more, but I am having a respite from that, right now.

    Thank you for this interview.

    1. Hi Evan,

      I love that you take the growth and run with it!

      That is the key, truly to being a lightworker and not getting snagged up in and taken out by the darkness.

      Keep shining your light and being the inspiration that you are!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  24. Sorry – I forgot to say that this instigator of so much hate, my first colleague and NPD acquaintance, resigned before I did. She got Lupus. And she blamed me for it. She still does. I send her light, regularly, but she is closed to it – she turns her face away when I greet her.

    I feel sorry for her – she must be SO empty and alone on the inside. And I feel sorry for her children.

  25. I stopped watching videos about N’s a long time ago, but I thought I’d make an exception because of your book launch.

    Big thanks to Theresa for making you write the book, its going to help so many people ❤️

    I’ve had an incredible spiritual awakening the last few days, I’ve been shown how and why everything works the way it does, and I’ve manifested a healing for some specific trauma I carry which works amazingly well.

    I was shown that N’s are made for the evolution of humanity, its not about a persons ego of who did what, its about the bigger picture.
    Humanity desperately needs to evolve out of the old paradigm, hence the rise in N’s.

    Lots of love,


    1. Hi Olivia,

      Thank you for your post and I so agree with you.

      When we see the truth clearly it all makes so much sense.

      Then it’s up to us to align with the truth that does set us free.

      It’s all a blessing!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  26. Dear Mel,
    I was 46 when I met my first narc and was swept into the evil magic spin he provided; offers of children being possible (at my age!), a life of financial leisure, of adoration for “who I was”, singing Broadway songs, etc. The love bombing was intense and long distance, ending with the typical short time between meeting to marriage. I moved across country, leaving my friends and family… and became isolated with the intense control, emotional, sexual and financial, really over my entire being. Married 21 years, I did in fact have twins (via donor egg) and lived for my children. I returned to church, being raised to bring your children there, and by God’s grace found myself in church work and lay leadership. I also volunteered at every school my children attended, and was of course, the “volunteer of the year” every year. I realize now that people could see my “light” in those places, and it saved me. It continued to reinforce my belief that I was valuable, but I gave of myself to distraction… not putting the “oxygen mask on myself, prior to helping others.”
    It was my desire to save my children that allowed me to discover there was such a thing as narcissists, and I was married to a really big one.
    My daughter at 17 told me she needed counseling, and her counselor brought me in to tell me her problems were caused by the negative relationship my spouse and I had. My narcissist finally agreed to couples counseling, only so he would “look good” for my daughter and her counselor. Our counseling was, of course, a trial of wills. His to control the outcome and instill fear into me for questioning his power. His own fear, anger and loss of control fueled useless sessions that would leave the counselor mystified at the anger, yelling and ridiculous accusations. After 10 sessions, the counselor sadly told me “you know, he will never change?” I felt dead inside! The shame and resignation of knowing divorce was the only way to save myself and my children hit me solidly in the heart. I began to read voraciously, Dr. George Simon, Boundaries, any book on surviving a narc, sexual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse, etc. It took me 7 months of wandering feeling lost and broken before I gained enough knowledge/strength to ask family for money (remember the complete financial control) to get a divorce. As I moved in that direction, I decided to survive well. I surprised my narc in my decision to get a lawyer. I didn’t tell him until the day I had to ask where he wanted to be served. It took a year, with him continuing to live in the marital home to come out with a fair settlement by refusing to engage him except through professionals. The Boundaries book said NO CONTACT and that is what worked for me. I continued to read, and found the book “Getting the love you want” which led me to see my childhood, parents and “people pleasing” personality had helped make me a snack for a brutal narc. I had been raised by a controlling and angry mum, and a dad who traveled and left my sisters and I to survive with each other while avoiding mum’s anger.
    So, I want to thank you, I found you a bit late in the game, but I feel encouraged when I listen to the videos and especially the recent one with Theresa Cheung. I never thought of myself as a “lightworker” but I think I AM! And, I agree with Theresa that discovering the truth makes us stronger, happier, more secure in all parts of life. I am not healed completely, but I am not a victim any longer.
    Because my children were 18 when the divorce was final, I was able to stop all direct contact with my narc. And I did!!! I refused alimony – knowing he wouldn’t pay it (#1) and that it would stake me to the ground as bait (#2). I forced a smaller lump sum through my attorney instead, and forced him to pay half of existing money. So, I am free, and I even have the financial security he “promised” me. My children chose to live with me, now in college, but they return to my home. I’ve given them basic information about their dad, but I know they need to find their own relationship with him and they are doing that, without me “poisoning the well”. They were crushed at first, but realized the yelling, shame, anger and sadness was gone (finally) and they can say ‘No” to their dad if they wish. By law, he doesn’t have to give them anything financially, but does participate somewhat- always with narcissist “strings”. The further we get from the relationship, the more they have the opportunity to really “see him.” My daughter continues to use counseling services occasionally. My narc assigned her to be the “perfect child” and she struggles with that assignment still. My son (her twin) was the “never good enough” child, who still struggles to find his worth, still refusing to go to counseling. However, I see and encourage his growth. So life is a cycle sometimes. I again thank you, because you forgive us when we wobble, and encourage us so much to go forth and be all we can be as happy lightworkers. Thank you, Mel for sharing your strength and learning with us.
    Much love and peace,

    1. Awwww Nancy,

      You have done such an incredible job of breaking free and empowering you and your children.

      I love that you are leading the way for them and letting them find their feet.

      Such a beautiful example.

      Sending so many blessings, love and continued healing and happiness to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  27. So many of us have been taught since childhood to be accomodating, pleasing and respectful. In our organized religions we are taught to turn the other cheek, to forgive others, to try to see the best in others.
    Not many of them teach us about loving ourselves, to have personal/emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries are emphasized but not those personal/emotional boundaries. We are too busy being accomodating and pleasing, wanting to be seen as ‘nice’. They don’t teach us that by having those boundaries it is also a big part of loving yourself. Or that loving ourselves is pertinent to having healthy relationships.
    To me, that is why so many consider the lessons of dealing with narc’s a gift because it makes them learn and grow, to develop those much needed boundaries. I know that I am now a better person for having this wake-up call.
    In my own life I was the family scapegoat, literally surrouned by mental illness and narcissist’s, always looking for any kind of validation. At 67 years old, I now see how I attracted even more narcissistic relationships. Too nice, too accomodating and terrified by confrontations. What a perfect target!
    Melanies program and blog has helped me recover and positvely changed me forever. I discovered her through Pinterest and I truly must add I learned tons through the pins on Pinterest pertaining to narcissism details as well. It helped take away so much confusion. One cannot learn everything from only one source. Bottom line, do as much reading as possible to educate yourself, to learn all those warning signs so that you never have to go through this hellish misery again. You will get tired of it but keeping reading, you WILL learn even more. You WILL become stronger. And you WILL be a better person because of it. That’s the gift!

  28. Dear Mel, Theresa Cheung & Thrivers, Congratulations on your new book Mel, I am very pleased to say I have already pre-ordered 2 paperback copies of your book from the Amazon website 1 for me personally and a female friend of mine personally too. I’m very, very excited and happy about buying your book and I can’t wait and looking forward to the release of your new book and it making its way and arriving at my front-door!!. I have talked about you, your website and your healing resources to my female friend and she seemed impressed and interested. Just a few days ago I became one of your newest NARP Gold members, it’s me Chrissy – my real name is Christine but anyone can call me Christine, Chrissy or Chris for short. I live in southern U.K – Great Britain. The history of my spiritual and theological religious life starts off like this: when I was a baby I was baptized as a roman catholic in a roman catholic church, I was a practising roman catholic from a small young child up to the age of either 21 or 22 years of age then in my early twenties I became a non-practising roman catholic and then in year 2014 I became a born-again christian and I was a practising born-again christian and in the recent last few years I have become a backslidden and lukewarm christian. I am a new baby christian of 4 years. When I was a young child I wanted to become a nun a roman catholic nun when I got older a fully grown adult. God has answered my questions and prayers, fulfilled and granted my requests and He has created little miracles and little breakthroughs to me personally and to my husband personally within my personal and private life and within my husband’s personal and private life too. I have my hardback copy of the KJV (King James Version) of the holy bible in my house. I also have a paperback copy
    of a book about unlocking the holy bible in my house too. I have personally experienced religious and spiritual experiences personally myself. I am more of a spiritual, religious, theological person than I am a material, materialistic, money, wealth person but, I do hunger for money and wealth but, I hunger for spiritual and religious things, God, Heaven even more so than I do for for the materialistic, wealth. I am an intuitive and introspective person, I am a good samaritan, an empath, a lightworker, a born-again christian, a conspiracy theorist, a survivor and a thriver of and after Narcissistic abuse. I have lots and lots of charisma and charm. I don’t need to be a perfectionist, it says in the holy bible which is the word of God that we – His children are wonderfully and fearfully made that scripture verse applies to me and absolutely everyone absolutely everyone else who are His children – His creation so I don’t need, must, should or have to be a perfectionist I’m happy with and who I am, the person who I am, I am comfortable in myself, in my own skin, in my own body. I’m very in touch and connected with and to my emotions, feelings, deep inner wounds, pain, trauma, I wear my heart on my sleeve and when it comes to love, romance, relationships and friendships I let my heart rule my head and when it comes to business, practical matters I let my head rule my heart. I can’t love my enemies let alone forgive them and not unconditional or conditional love for my enemies and not unconditional or conditional forgiveness for my enemies, I will pray for my enemies as in pray to God that He will heal them of their personality disorders, mental, emotional, behavioural, psychiatric, psychological, physiological, spiritual, etc…, health problems, illnesses, etc…, but, I can’t bless my enemies. I will rebuke my enemies and say their names as I’m rebuking them and as I am rebuking them I say in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ – Yeshua Hamashiach – “I rebuke (place name here) in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ – Yeshua Hamashiach” and I also say “NO weapon formed against me shall prosper and I ask for this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ – Yeshua Hamashiach”. I would like to learn and study self-forgiveness plus, many other things and topics which are connected to these things. My Narcissists are bearing false witness against me. After they die the bad karma that they will personally experience for themselves is them spending all of eternity in suffering pain, torment, torture, fear, etc…, in Satan the Devil’s kingdom of Hell. That’s where they, their souls, spiritmen, spirit-bodies are heading directly towards. I watch Sid Roth It’s Supernatural, Elvi Zapata on The Lord’s Hour – Jesus #1 Ministry, Pastor Paul Begley, Still Small Voice, Mary K Baxter, Kat Kerr, Dani Johnson, Accs Direct Group, Gwendolen Rix, Gwendolen Song, Seho Song, Oceanwavex, Evangelist Anita Fuentes, the Vigilant Christian Mario, the Tribulation Saints Wayne – forgotten his last name, BP Earthwatch, David Icke, the late Max Spiers R.I.P., Alex Jones Infowars, etc…, there are so many who I watch and I watch them on Youtube and then I watch Melanie Tonia Evans in her videos on her website, read her blogs articles. The bright light shining within and on me has turned me into a shining star and I am a lightworker – my Narcissists cannot tolerate being in my presence because of my radiance, light, empathy, power, strength, charisma and charm, etc…, and it’s me and these things about me which subconsciously reminds them of their own undiagnosed NPD, true, authentic selves, deep inner wounds, pain, trauma because somehow it’s reminding them that I am everything that they are not and I have all the personality and character traits and qualities which they have never had, they do not have and they will never have so they desperately desire and want to be me and to have all of my personality and character traits and qualities and my charisma and charm, etc…, their pathological extreme jealousy and pathological extreme envy that they have of and towards me, my personality and character traits and qualities, my charisma, my charm, etc…, is eating away inside of them and within them so that explains why they are so fiercely competitive towards me, do oneupmanship, do score-keeping of point-scoring, tries to make everything to be about them themselves, monopolized conversations, turned the topic of conversation back around back onto about themselves, copycatted, imitated, impersonated me, even did plagiarism on me, on my own handwritten work. All of them love hearing and listening to the sounds of their own voices. They must, should, need and have to be heavily sedated for a very, very long time. When it comes to answering other people’s questions they act all coy, they love and enjoy playing the victims, they are extremely insecure and they believe that I am perfect, that I am a perfect person. They are immature and infantile, they are extremely beguiling, full of guile, highly manipulative people. The world does not owe them a living and no-one will do their bidding because life is not like that and that doesn’t happen in life. There is nothing nice to say about them because there is nothing nice about them because they are not nice people – they are pure evil. They mean absolutely nothing to me because they are absolutely nothing to me just like I mean absolutely nothing to them because I am absolutely nothing to them.

  29. “Narcissistic Abuse is a gift from heaven”

    This made me so angry that I actually need to write now. Whether it is or is not a gift, I don’t know, and I must say I have become stronger and more conscious person after the n abuse…but I would still be wary about writing/saying things like “narcissistic Abuse is a gift from heaven”.

    Abuse is abuse, and under no circumstances it is ok, acceptable, something to be grateful about, the n does not deserve to be “glorified”. I’m 42 years old. Just under very recently, I read the law, that in my country, abuse is defined as a CRIME. As a child, I was physically and emotionally abused by my father, and threathened with violence and humiliation. It is any wonder I “learned” to walk on eggshells, be a “good girl”, invisible and a chronic people(man) pleaser?? In school, I was constantly bullied. Now as an adult, I have attracted 3-4 n partners.

    This is what I recently (finally) realised very very clearly: none of this is acceptable. I do not deserve to be treated that way, ever. I deserve to be treated with respect. A crime is a crime. Laws exist to create clarity, to protect people. Now when you say things like, “narcissistic abuse is a gift from heaven”, it is almost irresponsible. As if I should be “yay, laa-la-laa, I’m so happy that I was abused”. Guess what, I’m not. What really annoyes me, that none of these men have not had any legal consequences, they just got away with it, did not took any responsibility, and personally for me the most painful thing is that no-one ever said “I’m sorry, I apologize, I shouldn’t have treated you that way”.

    Thinking that narcissistic abuse is a gift from heaven…in my opinion creates stupid fake positivity. As if the victim deserved that. Or that it was “good for her”. That kind of thinking might even stop the victim to take legal action.
    The n was very good to cloud my thinking, to blur the line what is right and what is wrong. Both the n and my father somehow made me believe that somehow I deserve to be “punished”. This way of thinking that narcissistic abuse is a gift from heaven…further blurs the thinking. It is NOT okay, the abuse.

    Having said all of this…nowadays I am not a victim anymore, I do not resent or feel bad about any of these people described here. I have done enormous amount of healing. Yes, for sure the n was the impulse to start to do all of this…but he does not deserve any credit for my new and improved life. I luckily found an energetic/spiritual healer, with whom I did a lot of “heavy lifting”. If someone was the gift from heaven…she is for sure <3

  30. You can forgive from a distance without signing up for more of it! BINGO!
    That’s exactly what I’ve tried to do.
    Safe, productive fulfilling lives.. working on it.
    Awesome vid.
    So appreciate your candid comments Mel and Theresa.

  31. This is my first hearing/knowing of you both, someone shared this on FB today, how synchronistic for me~~ I loved the interview, I honor both of your honesty and vulnerability ~~ it makes me feel not crazy and alone, thank you so much for that, I don’t have the words yet for how meaningful this is~~ so much to think about regarding what you both talked about and I look forward forward forward to seeing more of your videos and reading your books~

    May you both know deep peace of the quiet Earth,
    Sincerely, Melissa

  32. Dear Melanie

    As ever you are so clear and give the information I need to hear to heal from the victimising and shaming.
    Thank you for your clarity and this wonderful interview, it was so good to hear it and to feel less isolated and to see 2 intelligent women speaking so profoundly and truly.

    I am grateful that you are here and helping me in this community.
    Love Reena.

  33. Good versus evil – and the good is winning thanks to you Mel – I thank you so much for what you have helped me and others to do. x

  34. Hi Melanie,

    Thanks for this lovely interview! It was perfect timing as I was reflecting on this topic. I wanted to share some thoughts on the metaphor that trauma and suffering are gifts. For many of us, this direct equation can be deeply triggering. I would like to respectfully suggest a more compassionate framework.

    It isn’t the intrinsic abuse, trauma, suffering, or torture which are gifts but our own willingness to go within to see what is under cruel, evil (ignorant) acts. We don’t have to suffer for all eternity to receive gifts or evolve. I wouldn’t walk past a woman being raped on the street and tell her it’s a gift. I think that’s obvious. The trouble with unresolved trauma is, from a somatic nervous system approach, it’s fresh in our bodies just as if it were happening right now, no matter if it occurred 15 years ago. So hearing that trauma is a gift can feel very dismissive and hurtful.

    This is how it is landing with some of your audience, which is why I believe Barbara, the woman in the first comment on this article, could no longer continue to listen. Finding the gifts under the debris is an alchemical process of transformation, which often takes time, and I have seen this gift metaphor callously and prematurely used by many coaches. In my case such behavior by a coach retraumatized me because I was dismissed, not seen or heard or witnessed. I was sharing with her my at times excruciating health symptoms, and she flatly said, “Do you feel the gifts?” She was spiritually bypassing me and my suffering by rushing to where she expects me to be, rather than honoring where I am at and what is happening. It was completely inappropriate for her to treat me this way and was emotionally abusive. While I believe there could be gifts under this pain and suffering, right now I do not know what they are and do not feel them. Finding the gifts is a process, and maybe some people never will find the gifts. Sometimes people feel shame if they hear this gift metaphor and don’t yet (or ever) feel the gifts.

    Basically, what I’m saying is one can be thankful for what they’ve learned and unearthed and cultivated in the healing process while not being thankful for the actual abuse/abusers.

    Thank you for all you do. I love your resources and am in NARP!

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