Hi Ann,

I am so sorry you are going through this. That is incredibly painful.

My work is all about doing the healing inside us to change what is happening outside us. In other words to empower us to generate another reality.

The first step to understanding that is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

I hope this helps.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

I agree with everything you said and I Know what you mean about feeling true love for this person.
I am I very lit spirit, my mom is a wonderful lit spirit, radiant! Throughout all this she told me to not be a Saint Teresa, that he was not worth me risking getting the plague. I guess I just had to see it for myself. She taught me about energy and transmutation, consciousness and visualization since I was very little, so this knowledge has been with me always. I have always felt light shining within my soul, loved, safe and secure, connected to the source of all that Is.
I truly fell in love with the bit of soul I saw in this man and even though I knew he had a dark spirit, we were neighbors for 9 years before I decided to connect with him, so I had seen his ugliness. I took the chance because I believed that I could shine some light into his soul. I willingly stayed with him for 3 years, but inevitably I got sucked into the cycle of abuse and everything else. I had No idea how dark it was going to be, the dark ages indeed. I can see how he used the knowledge of my helper nature to his advantage in keeping me hooked, as he would appear to be speaking from his “heart” every time he said he wanted to be a better man and that he needed me,(when reappearing after abandoning and blocking me for days or weeks) naturally I wanted to believe he’d finally seen the light, every single time, about 30 times. I wanted to awaken him even though I knew that personal awakening only comes from within, I thought I could be the catalyst. But while I was so busy helping find his inner light, my inner light was slowly dimming. I realized this early on but I was so determined to help him have an awakening, it was like I was willing sacrificing my energy for what I thought to be a good cause, procuring light for another human being. I was so focused and determined that I didn’t see what was happening with my own Self. About a month ago I decided to stop expecting a miracle in him. I feel so sorry for him not being able to produce his own light, how can anyone survive empty inside. I have NEVER imagined such darkness could even be. I do believe that through the ego cracks he honestly wanted to get better, I could sense his desperation, but his determination wasn’t strong enough, his will appeard disintegrated. I know I did see in his eyes a cry for help, like from a traumatized and helpless little boy, I wanted to embrace him and let him know that everything can be ok. I saw great potential in him had he allowed everything that IS permeate his spirit. Towards the last year of our “relationship” I was no longer patient, I was devastated in learning how horrible a person can exist with no integrity, taking advantage of my kindness and my willingness to aid him. After being lied to, abandoned, cheated on, rejected, blamed, etc… I no longer had the patience to approach him openly and all I did was constantly confront him about every little thing, it got to be too much resentment and I simply could not endure any longer. It’s time to cleanse, recalibrate and regroup within myself.
Mel your work is Wonderful and Beautiful! I am so happy and grateful every time I find the quantum “mind” in other human beings. You are Awesome!
God bless.
Lots of love
Veronica 🙂

Hi Robert…. my humble thots about Sam Vaknin vs Melanie’s Thriver Program. I listened to a number of his videos and i found him to be very dark and scary. i decided i couldnt listen/watch his stuff any longer because i came away feeling extremely depressed and hopeless. Maybe that is howhe now sucks the life force from us. i have found Melanies approach to be safe, positive and very nice. i m on module 6 and i feel so much lighter… my goal, ultimately, is to live a nice, comfortable rest of my days on earth, but moreso, to help my children experience a less traumatic existence than i did. all the best to you, darlene

Hi Rosee,

I am so pleased that I can help you and please know you are very welcome 🙂

Please know that all of our behaviour codependent or/ and narcissistic comes from inner trauma. The NARP Program addresses this trauma and is the most powerful way to heal from it https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

Regarding your marriage as you heal and empower you will be more able to work out “what is mine” and “what is his” and be able to show up more authentically and lovingly and set boundaries when you need to if he isn’t.This will either inspire him to rise and heal or you will be able to let go and heal.

Either way you “win” as in being able to create your True Life.

I hope this helps

Mel xo

I appreciate the help you extend here, and I admit I’ve only read some of it so may have missed a resource that would answer my question. What is the best help for someone who notices narcissistic tendencies in themselves and wants to change but find it very difficult to so. My husband calls me a narcissist; and when he tries no contact, it hurts me immensely to the point of anger at being unable to control the distance he is creating from me. I very much dislike when he talks of how I suck life from him and that he is better off when he separates from me; but as I read through what you say here, I can see how distance would help me since it feels toxic next to him. I see in myself seeking of “supply,” and it scares me. Even as I write this, I see it as a form of seeking that supply. I admit to having never felt adequate growing up and having little healthy sense of love, for others or myself. My marriage is very tumultuous, and sometimes I think my husband is the narcissist who I allow to play mind games with me. Growing up and even now, most people think very highly of me and never see the wrestle I feel inside. I wonder if this fed into these narcissistic tendencies. My husband, however, has a near endless list of my faults. I have a hard time making sense of it all, if I’m the narcissist or if he is, or if it’s just my own worth issues I grew up with. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thank you!

Hi Tara,

it’s my pleasure 🙂

Your situation is so painful … I truly believe the only thing we can do is heal ourselves back to wholeness and who can and will follow will be there. We also can learn to healthily have boundaries and even let go of what can’t or won’t.

It the only way the pain stops from key narcissistic people – and especially a child.

Maybe this publication of mine can help: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-if-your-child-has-narcissistic-tendencies/

I hope it can and my heart goes out to you.

I wish you and yours healing and relief.

Mel xo

Thank you for this article, our son developed NPD aged 14 and for the past 7 years, I have suffered what you described as narcissistic abuse. Worse the people around me, family & friends don’t believe a normal child/teen can develop NPD and they have blamed us his parents for his actions (manipulation, lies and resentment etc). We have had 7 years of torment, finger pointing and blame from those who should have supported us in helping our son understand NPD instead of enabling him to live in a world alongside it. He’s 21 now and does not live with us. I have no contact with him for the past 3 months (I am heartbroken he is our firstborn) We love him dearly, we just couldn’t live with the manipulation, lies and consistent blame anymore. How do you heal when the narcissist is your son, your child and your world? How do you help them understand their behaviour has torn our family apart?

I hope you don’t mind, I linked to your page, this article when I wrote my blog about my experience raising our son. I wrote the blog before I knew anything about narcissists I was writing about my experience raising a troubled teen. Your article has resonated so much with me, I believe it has actually saved me from insanity.

Hi Beverley,

if you please email support@melanietoniaevans.com one of the support staff will help you get set up with NARP properly.

Please do know Beverley that NARP is a self-help program that we can help coach you with, but other people can’t do the healing for you. And please know if you do need additional help that is more hands on – then other options may also be appropriate for you.

Mel xo