Comments on: How To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist If You Can’t Go No Contact Part 2

By: Gene Dewitt

Gene Dewitt — Tue, 30 Jan 2024 12:44:58 +0000

Dealing with narcissism in family members can be a tricky and challenging experience. I have personally had to navigate this with my elderly parents-in-law and let me tell you, it’s not always easy. But, as with most things in life, a little bit of humor and wit can go a long way. So, instead of pulling my hair out every time my in-laws exhibit their narcissistic tendencies, I’ve learned to approach it with a smile and a wink. After all, who needs a mirror when you have a narcissist in the family? Jokes aside, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate effectively with narcissistic family members to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s a delicate dance, but it can be done with a bit of patience and much humor.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 09 Mar 2023 02:36:38 +0000

In reply to Kat.

Hi Kat,

what you have been through, and continue to, is so painful!

Mother wounds are big.

It’s wonderful that you have come so far – and it’s about keeping going with NARP – have you worked with Module 3 and 4 yet? They are powerfully connected to the next steps for you to heal from this. And you may also want to pop forward to Module 8 work as well to get relief.

I love that you reached out and please know the NARP Member’s Forum is such a beautiful place where you can receive coaching, guidance and support with all your next steps 24/7/365 http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

I hope that this helps

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Kat

Kat — Sun, 05 Mar 2023 13:23:30 +0000

Hi Melanie, 7 months ago I had a realization that my mother is a narcissist and I have been emotionally and psychologically manipulated and abused by her all my life. I’m now a 42 year old married woman with 2 children. My mother moved in across the street which makes this even more difficult! I have been working with your NARP program for months and I really love the peace I feel after each module, however I still feel such grief, pain, anguish when thinking about my mother and what she has done and continues to do to hurt me. I have limited contact now which she is furious about. She still tries to start issues between me and my husband,” make me jealous” by speaking of her false connections with other family members, question my children about things, and many other sneaky manipulations to hurt me. I want nothing more than to be at peace with this but I still struggle daily with obsessive thoughts regarding what she will do next. Given my current family situation I am not able to go no contact. In time that will change but not right now. Please advise me on next steps. I am determined to find peace and acceptance for this. Thank you for all that you do!!!

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 27 Jan 2020 22:35:05 +0000

In reply to Brigitte.

Hi Brigitte,

That is great that you have come so far with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

My strongest suggestion to you is parallel parenting, and here are some details about it https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/parallel-parenting-the-evolutionary-way-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/

The truth is if you try to get him to stop doing something he will just do it more. This is why you need to pull back and have a 3rd party communication channel, that is fully accountable, put in between you both.

When there has to be any contact at all and it starts absolutely then you just remove yourself. Don’t feed it or give it energy in any way. It’s much better if all communication has to be done in writing and then he can be held accountable.

Also please know Brigitte, that we can help guide you and point you to the shift to do to really anchoring the power to do this in the NARP member’s forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

I hope that this helps

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💛

By: Brigitte

Brigitte — Mon, 27 Jan 2020 20:01:37 +0000

Hi Melanie – another great article. I have followed your program NARP and have done trumendous leaps in regards to my recovery. However, the verbal and emotional abuse continues. I’m happy to say that what used to put my in a corner for days of crying now only lasts about 5 seconds – I just let it go!

I’m am aware the Narcs don’t like boundaries, these do not apply to them. My ex is (according to me) a Malignant Narc and a master at projection. What do you suggest I do in terms of setting a boundary for the verbal/emotional abuse. We do share 2 children 50/50 and although our communication is very limited, he always projects and calls me names (pathetic, ridiculous, selfish, etc).

I do not believe the name calling has any place in our exchanges and I am ready to go no contact (5% for special requests) if he doesn’t respect my boundary.

Is it a good idea? what do you suggest I write? or best to let it go and continue?
Here’s is my goal – thoughs on what to write:
I no longer accept being verbally attacked with shaming, blaming, denial, accusation, minimizing, mutualizing, and diverting words and behaviors.
– No name-calling directly or indirectly where it can be overheard by me or other people or via email.
– No covert abuse implying I am less valuable than another because I hold a different opinion.
– No word games, no rephrasing of my words to change their meaning, no more technicalities or meaning splitting, no projecting, no one up one down, etc…
– No attempts to manipulate or control through tone or word.
– No yelling – no use of caps.
– No abuse disguised as a joke.
Consequence:
Because I cannot control what you do or say, I will leave your presence/the conversation temporarily until a later point in time when we can try to communicate again.

Would love your input.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 20 Oct 2019 22:35:09 +0000

In reply to Amel.

Hi Amel,

it’s my pleasure.

Amel, my suggestion is to come into the NARP Member’s Forum, where we can guide and support you to do the deep inner work on this confusion and dilemma and emerge with a clear and firm inner decision and plan, which may well be Modified Contact with boundaries.

If you havent already been in the NARP Forum, it is my greatest suggestions for you http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

I hope this helps.

Mel 🙏💕💛

By: Amel

Amel — Sat, 19 Oct 2019 13:38:36 +0000

Hi Melanie,
Thank you for all the useful information you have provided and that I’ve read so far as part of the NARP recovery program. The narcissist in my life is actually my father. I experienced trauma in my formative years due to his rages which often escalted into violent outbursts against both my mother and I. She was a bystander during my childhood and could never keep me safe from him. She’d dissaciociate in order to keep herself safe instead, and I grew up feeling unsafe most of my life. My father’s only way of showing ‘love’ was financially. His love bombing throughout the years was a way for him to make up for hurting us emotionally and physically with his narcissistic rage.

Therefore, my question is concerning the No contact rule. I have thought about it, and the only option for me is to have minimal contact. This is not just because he’s the boss of the family and I can’t avoid seeing him when he’s in the country (he travels for a few months of each year, then returns), but also because I feel I owe him my time and energy because of his financial support my whole life. He has bought me a house, so I am unable to shut my door on him as it is essentially his house.

Since he is the provider, I feel like I’m being ungrateful if I shut him out. Worse case scenario is if I lose my house and have to go back to living on a council estate where I am definately not safe either.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it is a tricky situation and I’d like to know what you think and where I should go from here.

Warm regards
Amel

By: Hannah

Hannah — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 07:44:37 +0000

Dear Melanie,

What a beautiful soul you have and how privileged we are to have your experience and wisdom to learn from. This and part 1 offer such a great balance for those of us on the journey towards inner peace and alignment. It is so refreshing to find a writer who is able (and bold enough) to balance the often fragile/triggering dance between the healed and unhealed parts of ourselves. Truly empowering writing.

Thank you so very much.
Hannah

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 04:49:39 +0000

In reply to Marie.

Hi Marie,

I understand your problem.

Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and someone in the team can discuss options with you.

Mel 🙏💕♥️