what about no contact with your kids for 7 years due to alienation and coaching 7 years of silence and then the kids now start telling lies that your hit them and hurt them why has this happened ?

Hi, I was with my ex for 33 years, 28 of them married. For reasons that are still tormenting me I cannot understand how we went from a very happy long marriage to where we are now. Divorced and I am alienated from my 27 year old son and 24 year old daughter.

4 years ago my ex had a complete personality change and accused me of cheating. I had never even looked at another man in all our years together as I truly loved my husband and family.

I spent the next 2 years fighting a loosing battle trying to save our marriage whilst he pulled in the opposite direction. What I slowly came to learn was his jealous younger sister who was recently divorced for the second time was working in the background at destroying our marriage.

I was set up on a dating app which he incredibly found in my email, a guy who was anti technology and did not even have a smart phone or his own email account. No matter how much I denied I had any knowledge of this he wouldn’t even sit down and discuss it. He was hell bent on accusing of further infidelities, ridiculous when we spent most of our time together and never went out separately.

Things escalated and I came to realise his sister had a lot of negative influence on our situation. I also witnessed her trying to set her best friend up with my husband. Eventually I discovered he was in that relationship behind my back, a Jekyll and Hyde character emerged.

I didn’t recognise my husband any more and his behaviour became bizarre. I applied and got a non molestation order against him for his abusive behaviour. He came to the decision to get a divorce, not even discussing it with me. I saw a lawyer who advised me to start proceedings in an effort to stop any petition being filed on the basis of the false adulterous claims by ny ex. What I didn’t know at the time was he would have had to produce evidence but I was in shock. My action was totally unexpected as though I had beat him to it, something he found difficult to deal with.

Our adult children had lived away from home for a few years with uni and work so they were not party to our two years of arguing and abuse. He used ‘your mum is divorcing me’ tactics. Mr nice guy who everyone liked. He fed them lies about me cheating. He set up situations where arguments developed and manipulated the children into taking his side.

Also in the background he had a smear campaign going with his family and friends fuelled by his sister. He tried turning my family against me and on failing he turned himself and my children against them. My parents are mixed between being heartbroken and hurt and angry with their treatment of me. He pushed his family more into the children’s lives. All this as well as cheating with his sisters best friend who he introduced to the children as a lucky new relationship supporting him!!!

The children changed in front of my very eyes from not wanting to be involved to taking his side and despising me, no matter how hard I tried to keep them out of our split.

I have always struggled with my daughter, so much like her dad now when I look back. He manipulated her from being a babe in arms, always a daddy’s girl and deprived us both of a loving mother and daughter relationship. I only saw it when it was too late. I am distraught to admit that my daughter has the tendencies of narcissism like her dad. She told me she didn’t want me at her graduation from university, having arranged all the celebrations for it and being the bread winner in the marriage paying her 4 years of studying including a year living in France. She posted a heart rendering letter telling me she no longer wanted a relationship with me, arrived after her dad had spent a week in France with her. I was booked to visit her the following month, this was cancelled. Again he manipulated it so that he got in first and did the damage.

My son is much more like me in character but my husband had the advantage of playing on the son and father best friend relationship syndrome. Pub, football, beer late night chats. Etc etc
So his smear campaign eventually worked.

Our divorce took nearly two years and went to court due to his behaviour and I was fighting his whole family as well as his toxic sister. His new partner turned up at court several times and had the audacity to step foot in my home even when I was there, all known to my children.

He with the help of this woman and his 84year. Old dad and the children removed personal possessions from the home whilst I was out working.

Our divorce was finally done 5 months ago after a very stressful time during which contact with him was broken eventually as everything went through the solicitor.

Him and his family are still running a smear campaign against me even to what were mutual friends and acquaintances. My children are in continuous contact with his family.

I am rebuilding my life and succeeding but I am struggling with the alienation of the children. I have not heard or seen any of them since December 2018 and it is now May 2020. I have emailed them on a few occasions especially birthdays and Christmas, getting nothing back. Ignored Mother’s Day, my 60th birthday and my elderly parents seriously ill in hospital situation. I have been shown FB photos of him with his new partner in a family gathering situation’ with my children. I feel completely replaced by her. It is heartbreaking.

Several times my ex said the following words to me which are stuck in my head and I don’t think I will ever be able to forget them

I will make sure you have no family, no friends and even your own children will not want to know you, neither will you have any money when we are done.

The hardest thing about this is he achieved 80% of it, the most important part being my children.

How will I get through the rest of my life?

Hi heartbroken,

I can’t recommend enough that you access deep healing for this. Not only will it help you gain your spirit and soul back in this devastating time at being alienated, but it also starts building the foundation for you to be in the best position to reunite with your son.

I love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to find out more.

Sending healing and blessings to you

Mel 🙏💕💚

Help me please.

I’m just now watching your video on what to do when your child has been alienated from you.

I have lost my “Heartbeat” to a narcissistic mother who has only wanted to hurt me in every way possible since I left her 12 years ago. My “Heartbeat” is 13 now and soon to be 14. She has tried to take everything from me for years, including my boy. And over a year and a half ago, she succeeded at taking my “Heartbeat” away. I call him my “Heartbeat” because that’s what he is and has always been to me. I cannot live without him, never wanted to, and always felt that he never wanted to live without me. The two of us and his dog were inseparable for the first 12 years of his life. We had an extraordinarily close relationship due to a number of reasons.

I’ve been fighting this since it began. The courts are on my side, the councilor and the Custody and access assessor are on my side. By all rights I should have him back. Because the mother has been so successful at unjustly and falsely keeping him from me for so long, I don’t think he knows me any more and now doesn’t want to see me.

I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore. He has been my reason for everything. I don’t have much for family at all. And without him, I feel like I’ve lost everything. I have his little dog (we were the 3 amigos….did everything together), which is a constant reminder that my “Heartbeat” is no longer with us. I have nightmares about him practically every night for the last 19 months, often waking up in tears and then not being able to fall back asleep. So then, when morning finally arrives, I get up and am constantly asking myself why I am here and how can I stop the unbearable pain I feel all throughout each and every day.

I have no closure because the mother makes every effort to keep him from speaking with me alone (for obvious reasons), even though she has been ordered to have him in sessions with me. They did not work because the mother “sabotaged” any attempt by the councilor to get time with me and my son, because the “brainwashing” by the mother was so strong and intentional. It was so bad that the counselor had to withdraw due to lack of cooperation from the mother.

Because I haven’t been given a chance to spend time with my son or even speak with him, I haven’t the understanding I need, nor the ability to win him back. I’ll be clear; I know how the mother made it happen. I just don’t know how my son could fall for this.

I’m sure by now, everybody is asking why I haven’t taken this to court to get him back. Two reasons: The first is that those involved who should have done their job didn’t do it properly. So that delayed things. Second, the mother and her council used every dirty tactic to prevent any time with my son. Third, the mother delayed for months, the Custody and Access sessions. We’ve been to court twice and to pretrial 3 times. Each time in court, the judge has ordered the mother to give up my son. Her and her council then used the tactic that “He doesn’t want to go” and states that she “takes every measure to promote the relationship between me and my son”. In the words of the counselors “Her actions state otherwise”. Even the pretrial judge tried to get me time with my son. The Custody and Access has assessed alienation and recommended that the 50/50 custody which has been for all of his life be continued and that it is essential to my son’s well being. So, back to why not court? It’s now either a trial, or I give up. Trials are lots of money, which I no longer have, as the mother has drained me financially through numerous false allegations which she always lost, as there was never even a shred of evidence. I hear that it’s difficult for a father to win in a case of alienation by the mother…I’m not Alec Baldwin and don’t have his money.

I have always been a great father. I can tell some of the specifics, but I don’t think it’s important, given why I chose to write you today.

I need help in that I don’t know what to do at this point and I don’t feel a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I loved doing for him and living for him. I miss him terribly. Men often suffer in silence. I am one of those men.

Where do I go from here? Here is no longer a place I want to be.

My 23 year old daughter is being kept by a pysho narcissistic. He has her convinced to not communicate with us at all. It’s been 4 months.
They were only dating for 2 1/2 months before he convinced her to live with him, he also started his smear campaign against me (mom) immediately.
He has her brainwashed to do everything he says.
Is there anything we can do?

Hi Kelly,

I hope that this may be able to help you.

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/should-i-talk-to-my-kids-about-narcissism-qa-with-melanie-and-zac/

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💛