Melanie Tonia Evans

What To Do When You’re Alienated From Your Child

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 3
64
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I really wanted to do an episode on this oh so painful topic, because I know tragically many of you are suffering alienation from your children, because of the narcissist in your life.

This person may be a spouse, an ex-partner, a family member or really any narcissist at all.

Maybe your children have become cold towards you and closer to the narcissist.

Or, possibly things have escalated to the point where you are receiving your children’s silence or disapproval – accusing you of being and doing things that aren’t even true.

Maybe you don’t even have a reason for why your child is pulling away, and know untrue things must have been said.

Things may have become so terrible that you’ve received a court ruling whereby you lost custody rights.

All of the above are regular occurrences within this community because narcissists regularly use children – your most precious babies – to punish you with.

As a mother, who adores her son beyond measure, I can’t even begin to imagine your trauma and your pain. I just wish I could reach through this screen, right now, and give you the biggest hug (I hope you feel it cyberly).

This is a topic I am INCREDIBLY passionate about, and I’ve been working for over 10 years to help people overcome the ghastly traumas of narcissistic abuse … including this one …. which I believe is probably the BIGGEST of all.

I too almost lost my son to the narcissist’s lies and smear campaigns against me and fortunately, I didn’t.

Blessedly, I have also been able to help people heal relationships with their children that could have turned to alienation, as well as assisted parents to reconnect with their children after decades of separation.

And in this Thriver TV episode it is my deepest hope that I can grant you healing, relief, and hope that there can be a different future for you and your children other than the heartbreaking one you may be living.

 

Episode Transcript

This is such a painful topic in this community, and one which I know many of you have suffered, or are suffering.

As a Mother, I can’t even begin to emphasise with you enough. I nearly lost my son some years ago too, once to a narcissist, and then nearly to forces other than a narcissist – addictions … but I didn’t. Please let me start by saying I can’t even imagine the trauma that some of you have and are going through as a result of losing you children to the narcissistic parent.

I know that there are very few powerful resources regarding Parental Alienation that are ‘solution based’ and I hope with all my heart that today, this Thriver TV episode will prove to be a powerful Quantum Solution and Remedy for you. I can’t think of any time that this is more necessary, than when our children are involved.

What is great about this episode is that it is a joint effort, I put out to the Community for updated resources and information, and I will also be sharing with you existing success stories, to help you with this absolutely devastating plight.

Today, most definitely, this resource will be informational in manner but even more so my deepest desire is that it is truly transformational – that it will help your shift you inner being powerfully in regard to what is happening, providing the highest and best opportunity for the outer experience with your children to shift as well.

Before I go any further, I want us all to be very clear about what Parental Alienation is. It is when one parent manipulates a child to have a less than favourable opinion of the other parent. This could lead to the child rejecting the other parent outright. This is a very common issue that occurs in this community, because narcissists commonly seek to punish their ex-partner. Using their own child against them is a very cruel and effective tool.

And what is so frustrating and devastating in these instances, is that the narcissist does not wish to collaborate and work for the best interests of the child. Rather he or she is more likely to try to discredit you and use the children as pawns against you. Also what is true about narcissists is the more that you try to engage them to get sanity, teamwork and decency (even concerning your children) the more they will use your contact against you to hook, bait and trigger you – which hands them the significance of knowing that they have the power to hurt you.

It is for this reason that the new concept of co-parenting with narcissists is Parallel Parenting, and myself and many others believe is far more effective and better for you and the children.

I have truly, within the last ten years heard of the incredible lengths that narcissists will go to, to discredit the other parent. Absolutely if the narcissist has any dirt on you that will be used, sensationalised and tweaked for impact. If they don’t have any material to use against you, they are totally capable of making it up – even information that could potentially damage their children.

When we are ‘normal’ people, who just don’t have the capacity to even think those things about other people, let alone lie about it. We don’t think this is possible, however, I can assure you it is.

This I know – when we fighting against narcissists who are trying to destroy our lives we can’t do this in the normal logical ways, because it simply doesn’t work. This is why am so passionate about helping people, just like you, understand the Quantum way and the power we have when we look at, and work with our challenges, at a deeper level – from the inside out.

I’d love at this point to share with you about what happened with my son Zac. His stepfather narcissist number 1 told him that I was seeing other men and having affairs. Of course, my son was conditioned to believe that when someone tells you something in earnest and looks you straight in the eye, that they are credible.

And this is the thing: children look at authority figures as ‘gods’. They tend to believe they are telling the truth. Narcissists are very convincing and the more I tried to convince Zac that I wasn’t doing those things, the less he believed me.

I was triggered into the fully blown righteous anger of being accused of something I simply wasn’t doing, as well as feeling so betrayed that my son (who I though knew my values) could even consider such a thing. Yet my anger made me look guilty in my son’s eyes and the more I tried to proclaim my innocence the bigger a hole I seemed to dig.

It took me a long time to learn, what I finally have now – that it wasn’t until I resolved my horrors of being lied about, persecuted and abandoned by those I love (for not believing me) and came to a peace inside myself, (the release and the shift of these traumas) that it was only THEN that my son, parents and so many others completely spun around, and believed me. And it was then that they stopped believing the narcissist.

I know that letting go of the fight and doing the inner work instead may seem complacent. I know it can seem like we are doing nothing and even being airy fairy about it all – but I don’t know how many times I have passionate about getting this message across to all of us – that no amount of doingness can compensate for our levels of beingness.

And of course, we think that our normal reaction would never be anything else but to be upset, but really what it is about is that we have unresolved traumas from our past that means we were triggered. If we resolve them, the shock and horror become benign. That is when the traumas of what is happening can and often do go away; it all unravels and heals. The outer follows the inner always.

One of the first times I saw this with other people in action is when a friend of mine’s ex- narcissist tried to smear her to everyone including her kids, and her attitude was ‘Good luck with that. What a load of crap!’ and she never even reacted. When people asked her about what he said, she was so calm and credible it never had legs. The truth was she had no matching wounds inside her on those topics to be triggered because she had worked so hard at releasing them all with NARP.

Please know I understand just how hard this is to do when our children are involved – with anything to do with our children, especially if they are pulling away from us, being abused by the other parent and lied to. Absolutely there are things we can ‘do’, but please know your beingness and healing, so that you can be solid, calm and loving, is your best shot – always.

When I realised what I needed to achieve, with my son and other people in my life who were terribly smeared against me, I stopped trying to convince them that I wasn’t what the accusations were about. Instead, I just became and was my own ‘loved and healed back to wholeness’ self, independent of their opinion of me and I remained loving and true to them without justification or explanation.

And that’s when everything switched around.

The truth was, because of the Quantum Healing I had done inside, I was free to be me, regardless of what they thought. This is the state of ‘unconditional creation’, which enlists all the mechanics of Creation to match your inner state.

I so understand how you can feel, as I was, initially with Zac, horrified and angry and dishevelled and traumatised. As a result of reacting to these feelings, we repel people, including our children. And why wouldn’t Zac have pulled away – no mater how unfair this was – because my energy was toxic. When I became calm and loving despite his views of me, then he started to sense and know the truth.

But please know, in no way am I lecturing you or trying to minimise your experience. I totally know in narcissistic abuse how damaged and traumatised we get and how difficult it is to even think a coherent sentence, let alone mange our emotions when everything we thought was our life has become a hell storm. Truly, that is why we need super-tools and that is why I am so passionate about them.

You can sign up for a free Workshop with me where I show you how to release your trauma here.

Authenticity is your best defense – always. What I believe authenticity is, is this: being your True Unwounded Self. Because then you will show up as ‘you’ – the most lovable, safe, beautiful version of you possible. This True Self is not going to try to compete, win your children over, bribe them or stop laying healthy boundaries in case they lean towards the other parent.

Instead, the true goal is to keep clearing your wounds and becoming your real magnetic beautiful self – regardless of what other people are choosing to do or not to do. Yes, I know it’s a MASSIVE call, but when we do the inner work and stay true to shifting out any trauma within us that is getting triggered, we organically become more and more of this person. Interestingly, and I have had this proven to me so many time, our children don’t even need to ‘see’ these changes physically. They literally experience them across all space and time – energetically. Even from those parents who have been alienated for years from their children.

I share in my free webinar one of the most beautiful rectifications of a long-term parental alienation. Dot started working with the NARP Program in her 70s as a result of wanting to leave her narcissistic husband. But she had an even greater despair and regret than her failed marriage; she had been alienated from her children from a previous marriage for decades and had not seen her children in all that time or met her grandchildren. After Dot left her husband and healed her abuse traumas, she focused diligently on clearing the trauma of the loss of her children.

As a result, Dot reached an incredible inner peace, forgiveness and a beautiful love towards her children. Not long after, her son tracked her down after 32 years of silence and made contact. She is now lovingly reconnected with her children and grandchildren.

This is where Quantum Healing leads us to – the ultimate soul Oneness truths that we are without illusions – and it is from this place that the miracle of connection happens.

I wrote about Daniel in my upcoming book. For eight years, his children had been poisoned against him and refused all contact with him. When Daniel contacted me, he knew others had had success with the Quanta Freedom Healings to get his children back in his life, and he wanted to know how. I explained, ‘You have to release and heal all the anger, trauma and pain that you have about this, and create the space inside you for them to return to you. But to be successful you have to get to the level where you feel whole and in total acceptance of “what is” regardless of the outcome.’

After several months he finally reached the point where he felt at peace and felt nothing but love for the situation even if his children didn’t return. Three days after he reported this, his oldest son contacted him, and he is now reunited with all his children and his new grandchild.

I also talked about Pippa and Andrea in my book. Pippa after healing with NARP for 5 years, reported that today, not only herself was healed but her son was reunited with all his children after twelve heart-breaking years of separation and that five generations of traumatised people have all healed and reunited after extreme triangulation and division caused by narcissism in the family.

Andrea had lost all custody rights of her young daughter to her narcissistic ex-husband and his new partner and had been institutionalised after suicidal inclinations.  She started working with NARP whilst an in-patient. Within three months she was awarded supervised access and within six months she had fifty per cent access of her daughter. Two years on, Andrea was divorced, remarried with a loving, supportive partner, had received a great property settlement and had won fulltime custody of her daughter. Her ex had moved overseas for work after several relationship breakdowns.

 I can’t tell you how many examples I know of in the community of children returning to their parents who do this inner work. And here are some other examples from recent Facebook stories when I asked for shares only a couple of days ago.

This one is from Michael: ‘We are now divorcing again. But to my surprise, my relationship with my kids turned a corner in the last 6 months without me ever really doing anything directly to them to affect it. Specifically, I bought NARP in November and have used it to calm myself. Purge bad feelings, start to heal.

I am at peace (mostly) with the outcome of my marriage and no longer feel cheated. On the contrary, I feel liberated. Enlightened. Specifically, regarding my oldest daughter, who has also recently married, my relationship is at an all-time high.

We see each other frequently by her request. We are planning a family vacation this summer and talk more than we have in years.

I am not the angst-ridden person trying to keep our house together and control her mother’s behavior anymore. Therefore my natural state of being has been coming through more often. It is a joy to be with her and not wonder what problems will be happening when her mother acts up.

I could go on and on, but NARP has definitely played a big part in this relationship renaissance.

Thank you.’

Malissa shared this: ‘I lost my 2 youngest children to the narc father for 3 years. Then, because of my healing journey with NARP, I was able to turn things around. My children live with me and all that abuse is out of our lives, even the court saw through the lies. They are even able to have a relationship with their father without drama.’

Pria wrote this as her response : ‘My son is almost 20. My ex took custody through manipulation when he was 15.  Since then, there have been many challenging times when I thought I had lost him.

I kept on going with the situation to keep extending my love, however, I could while continuing to work on recovery and healing.

After time periods of not seeing him at all or briefly, he has been visiting several times a month lately. With my daughter, we enjoyed a nice movie night last night.’

I also want to share Benita’s story about being a child who was alienated from her father by her narcissistic mother – because I really hope it can inspire you.

‘My heart goes out to all the parents suffering through alienation. As a child I was used by my mother as a pawn to make my father suffer. She told constant lies about him including that if he was given custody of me then I would be raped by him! She got custody although she never wanted me or cared for me and manipulated my new stepfather into throwing me out of the house when I was 13.

For many years I was fearful of my father and our relationship was in ruins. When I was in my twenties I slowly started seeing through the fog and did reconcile with him before he died when I was in my early thirties. Too many years were lost, but the truth has finally been revealed. I can’t emphasise enough how important my father was to me. Please don’t give up on your children.’

Also, I would like to recommend three extra resources, other than NARP, to help you with healing Parental Alienation which have been shared by my beautiful Thriver friends!

Anna Duggan, who is a fellow colleague and dear friend of mine said this:

‘Dr. Gabor Mates book “hold on to your kids” is so good for this. Your relationship with your child is your responsibility. They feel the truth. Always. X’

Another dear Thriver friend Rebecca shared … ‘I can recommend the book Understanding Parental Alienation by Karen & Nick Woodall to any parent experiencing this…xxx’

And Susie Payson shared this: ‘ … find Ryan Thomas Speaks on facebook….he has videos to help…he was the child who was convinced by mom to reject dad. I took some of his advice and it IS effective.’

Thank you, everyone, for your contributions so much …

Ok, so I hope from the bottom of my heart this has helped.

And if you’d like to start healing from the absolute devastation of parent alienation, and become the change you want to be for you and your children, the first step is to sign up to my free 16 day recovery course, it includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more.

So until next time… keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do.

I really look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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64 Thoughts on What To Do When You’re Alienated From Your Child
  • newday58@outlook.com'
    Darlene
    May 2, 2018

    I am experiencing the alienation of my children with such a deep pain in my heart.
    I read in an article on toxic families that children scape goat the parent as away to hide problems they can not face. My children adults at the time were totally shocked at his affair and narcistic lies . His girlfriend 12 years younger than him was pregnant with his child who is younger than his youngest grandchild. My children felt they had to go along with the narcist .
    I walk every school morning just to see my grand kids on their way to school . My children would not even say hi to me nor look my way at hockey games like I did not exist. I do not get invited to some things with my sons children . Other grandparents show themselves on Facebook with my grandkids and I am heart broken that even one second of my grandkids would be so nice.i pray every day. I think I have cried enough to fill an ocean.

    • richie.jodie@yahoo.com'
      Jodie
      May 2, 2018

      Hi thank you for the advice for my current situation my heart goes out to other parents in this situation stay strong. Will look out for the resourses for more advice. Thanks jodie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 2, 2018

      Awww Darlene,

      I hear you and my heart goes out to you.

      Sending you you children, grandchildren and the situation hugs and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
    saurabh
    May 2, 2018

    Dear Melanie,
    Thanks for such a wonderful video. This was the video I was waiting for and this was why I had joined NARP initially. I cannot tell you how much I have healed after joining this community. I have travelled a long way. The video is awesome and I can totally relate to you. My wife does not allow to meet my daughter even though the court order is there. She always creates huge drama and shouts at me when I go there. There are so many of her family members and she teaches my daughter to hide from me. However, I completely believe in your quantum truths. I am healing those wounds and I am sure my healing would help my daughter too. Energetic healing will occur in her as in quantum laws there is no space and time. Two days ago I had a huge shift regarding my abandonment trauma and silent treatment by ex-wife. I did module and QHF almost for 5-6 hours and could release those traumas from my body. And there is the result. You have produced the video which I wanted for a long time. Is it coincidence or is it another quantum truth working perfectly well. I think the latter one is true. I am a fan of your energetic healing. Energy is trapped in us to be released and you have taught me to be with myself when negative emotions hit. In fact, this is the time when we need to be with ourselves the most. Thanks for teaching me how to relate to life and our feelings.Inner child, trapped emotions, feeling our feelings completely, seeing the bigger picture of life, you have completely changed me.
    Now I bless my A.I.D.s ex-wife, my narc father and all for being the messengers of my inner wounds. I thank them all. Shifts are happening and onion layers are getting peeled off and I am slowly becoming my true self. Thanks, Mel! I am sure one day I will be with my daughter. I am also confident that she would be getting all the benefits of my healing which I am doing. I do GSM to feel that her soul is also guiding her to self-love and feeling all the feelings and she is being guided by her higher power.
    Thanks once again for the super video. I will buy the books recommended by you.

    • saurabhpatna.ss@gmail.com'
      saurabh
      May 2, 2018

      Melanie, one more thing good about this episode is that you have added the transcript too of the video. Sometimes, I like reading what you say.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 2, 2018

      Awww Saurabh,

      Dear Man you are such an inspiration with the inner work that you are doing.

      I am so happy for you that you are having profound shifts into relief, happiness and freedom.

      You are right there is much benefit for your daughter as well, as a result of your evolution, through all time and space Quantumly.

      So much love and many blessings to you and her.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • collaboratory6@gmail.com'
    Tera
    May 2, 2018

    This makes me feel so much for my poor dad who would become so upset at actions of my N-mom (after they divorced) for years and years. She knew all his buttons and he had such a temper. She would look so triumphant when he blew his top and got emotional and angry and victimized. Once he blew up so badly on Xmas his feelings were so hurt, he thought we forgot about him. She was so happy how bad he looked, tried to aggravate those situations as much as possible. When I heard that Alec Baldwin tape recording of him yelling at his daughter, people thought he was a villain but I really felt for the guy. He sounded just like my poor dad who just wanted someone to act like they bothered or cared about his feelings. It’s been 25 years, I’m just beginning to understand what my dad must have gone through with my mom after they divorced. They divorced 30 years ago, she’s so crazy she bought her retirement home near where he lives with his wife. Now she’s gotten no contact whatsoever from him, and talking about buying a home where I live! I’m already trying to sort out where else I can move to and not tell anyone.

    Last Xmas mum was gloating over a poor women who had lost her son to drug use. He was the childhood friend of my little brother. I imagined she was thinking how compared to this woman, she was a great mother. After that I swore I’d never go to her house for the holidays ever again. I shudder to think that I may have ever said something that terrible, unawares. What a mess, what a mess. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with this, I know kids are our most precious relationships. Stay loving, stay strong, don’t flip out! Deep breaths and peace to all. I know I need to get in touch with my dad, it’s been such a long time.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 2, 2018

      Awww Tera,

      How beautiful that you are going to get in contact with your Dad.

      I am so happy for you both.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angelique
    May 2, 2018

    Dear Melanie, I cannot express how blessed I feel to have found NARP especially with regard to this. It’s literally been a life saver.

    I never understood how your own children can believe such blatant lies but I found an article that said that the techniques used by the alienators are those used by cults to control people. It’s not just just a few lies, it’s all out war on a child’s senses, perceptions, sense of self, emotions, psyche etc, then I thought if it works great on adults who are total strangers, when it’s your parent or someone you love and trust and you’re a young person, you don’t have a chance in hell. It’s horrific and pervasive abuse on a grand scale, make no mistake about it and it’s good to stop for a minute feeling our own devastation to spare a thought for what the child goes through because it’s worse, if you can even fathom it, no matter how it looks.

    The other thing I would like to say is that if I hadn’t cleared trauma with NARP, I don’t even see how our relationship would have had a chance to restart in any healthy way but it has and it’s wonderful. At the beginning certain things would trigger me but I thought no I can’t have this between us it’ll ruin everything, clearing time! To think you have a love as a mother and a human being that can triumph from that is something! Don’t forget boundaries as well it’s important.

    One is back but the other one not yet. Work to do. Thanks Mel for the video. Thanks for the cyberhug too.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 2, 2018

      Dear Angelique,

      I agree it is so not the children’s fault as a result of what narcissist fills their heads with.

      Sweet Lady you are so welcome for the hug, and I want to give you another one for doing the hard inner work and breaking through!

      Yes more to do, but you will so get there … you are getting there.

      Sending love, continued blessings and healing to you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • hammond.marcia@gmail.com'
    Marcia Hammond
    May 2, 2018

    Hi Mel thanks for that video. My daughter in law is definitely working my grandkids to pull away from us their grandparents. They live in the UK and she has been forced to give us some access, we telephone them once a week and they have started to become quieter each week. She has openly accused me of wanting to kidnap them because when the eldest was a baby I said to him “you are so gorgeous that I’m going to put you into my suitcase and take you home with me when I go back to South Africa ” would it be appropriate for me to say to the little guy when I tall to him “I promise that I don’t want to take you away from your mommy or daddy ever”?
    I’m sure that she is scaring them with such stories.
    Lots of love
    Marcia Hammond 😊

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Marcia,

      Please know you are very welcome.

      How painful that you have and are going through that.

      I truly wouldn’t want to advise one way or the other. I believe that letting go of the angst and just showing up as you true loving self is your best formula.

      And when you do that Marcia I believe you will truly know what to do.

      Sending you and your grandchildren love and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    May 3, 2018

    NARP has changed my life completely. Sometimes I am thinking how lucky I was to discover this website and how many bad people I found boring after healing my childhood wounds. Without healing I would probably go in relationships with them and get dangerously hurt.

  • pipersfancy@yahoo.com'
    Christina
    May 3, 2018

    My situation was, perhaps, a little different in the way in which the alienation took place. Despite his best efforts, my ex-narc./husband was unable to alienate our two children from me. He bribed the kids, told lies, and had the court-appointed guardian ad litem wrapped around his finger. However, the children remained frighted – of him. (Unfortunately, their fear also prevented them from speaking honestly to the court.)

    I lived in limbo, with the children spending 2 days/week with their father for a time, until my mother became ill with brain cancer. She lived in Canada, while the children and I (and their father) lived in the US. After notifying my ex-husband (and the court), I made an emergency visit home to be present during my mother’s brain surgery. I anticipated the trip would be 2 weeks. This was over the Christmas holidays in December 2004.

    After returning to my mother’s home following her 12-hour surgery on Dec. 27, my ex had me served with court papers claiming I had abandoned the children, and seeking to overthrow the current custody order (which had granted me full custody with weekly visitation to their father.) This court action was eventually overturned by the court as having no basis. However, it served as a diversion long enough that my ex was able to leave with our two children and go into hiding. I did not have contact with my kids, and did not know their whereabouts, until February of 2012. Seven and a half long years went by. My children were 5 and 7 when I left to be with my mother during her illness. The next time I saw them, my youngest was turning 12, and my oldest, 15. My oldest had attempted suicide while at school, and had been admitted to hospital. Once social workers got involved, she shared her story and I was immediately contacted.

    My children and I have gone on to live in Canada, which no contact from my ex/their father, since spring 2012. I have let the children’s paternal grandmother know how to reach them, but there has been no contact from anyone on their father’s side of the family. I look back on the years where I did not know where my children were, and honestly, I do not know how I got through them. Both children, and I, still struggle in our emotions.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      What a horror story you went through.

      You poor lady, words can’t even express. And your children …

      That is so understandable that you are still struggling, that is unspeakable trauma.

      Christina please know Quanta Freedom Healing is such a powerful healing agent for old trauma.

      I’d love you to come into my free webinar, it can help you heal and thus your children (when we heal they do by proxy also)so much.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending love to you all

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rmiscio@gmail.com'
    Rosanna Miscio
    May 3, 2018

    Melanie,
    Thank you for this video, as always it came at the perfect time. I am wondering how you would handle a child who is exhibiting narcissitic behaviour like the dad and is choosing to alienate himself from me by choosing to live with his N father. I want to have a relationship with my son but at the same time do not want to be accept his narcissistic behaviour towards me. I have done NARP proxy sessions for him, he is only 17 and I feel he is struggling within himself about his choices of behaviour. At times seems things between us are better but then they fall apart again. I am using NARP for myself and I am surpisingly calm about the situation. I dont want to lose him so the co-dependant part of me wants to just accept his behaviour but part of me feels I should not accept how he treats me. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you again for your caring and giving us this wonderful healing work.
    All the Best,

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Rosanna,

      This is a difficult one, because the greatest Quantum Law is be true to self and then you honour all of life appropriately.

      Your boundaries, lovingly and calmly, are therefore really important so that you don’t allow him to damage you.

      Really these, plus the healing especially on you to get you to hold the space for him of his True Self awajebubg and him finding his way no matter how it looks – is your most powerful formula.

      Sending you and your son love and breakthrough.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    May 3, 2018

    i have 2 neices who are adults now but have never been allowed to be in contact with me unless my narc brother was around. he has smeered me to them since get go. the one so wanted to have contact with me as a little girl but he refused telling me that woyld never allow it cause I might teach them “bad” things…omg what a nut job. we have never had contact other than at my moms funeral for a short time and then he policed our conversation even though they are adults. he is probably one of the most evil narcs around. they are now grown women and ive not ever heard from them as ive been painted as the evil one…..lol. it would be nice to hear from one of them…. the eldest daughter is a narc I have picked up, the other is not. he did awful things to his ex via his kids but thats not my problem. i wonder if they will ever see through him and connect. they have been so poisoned against me by him that the chances are probably not. I have no children but this is not for substitute reasons but to have some kind of relationship…and for them to see im not the evil aunt ive been told to them. its not a priority in my life but it would be nice. however i will never attend anything where narc brother is around.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Bren,

      That would be lovely from them and you if these was that contact.

      Anything and everything is possible.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • thewolfs777@gmail.com'
    Dana
    May 3, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for all you do. Is it possible that you can do a video on grandparent alienation? There are so many of us struggling. I actually belong to a couple of very large support groups. Our children are punishing us by keeping our grandchildren away from us. This is an epidemic and getting worse. Can your course help us to heal?

    With love and blessings.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Dana,

      I am so sorry to hear that you and so many others are struggling.

      I will certainly consider doing something about this and for the interim please know we do have grandparents in the community healing their trauma of separation with NARP from their grandchildren and also having reconnection.

      Sending love, healing and breakthrough to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • seasonterri@yahoo.ca'
    terri season
    May 3, 2018

    Hello Melanie~ I have been watching your talks I get in my e mail and they have helped me to get on with my true inner self love ! I have had 3 relationships that they were narcs, first one I was only 14 and he much older drunk took advantage of me and I knew no better coming from parents from the OLD school ways~ had a shotgun wedding and had 2 kids by him~~ who I dearly loved and tried to teach them good things while their dad got drunk and threw the bible I read and me across the room, cause he could not stand to lose control~ I never talked back to him, too scared too~ and one of my sons now almost 50 treats me the same way ~ and is the image of his dad, being nice to get what he wants, gets drunk and then blames me! whoosh~ back in the past I went emmotionaly ~ but by the Grace of God and learning of my inner power to regain with Him~ has saved my life..and as for my son, I pray for him lots, he has so much dramma he tries to dump on me, and I explain, I love you, try your best to recover as well!! we can do this! had to set safe boundaries with him because of his anger toward me…all is good so far…thank you so much for your special guidance~ Lots of Love.. right now I am single and feeling at peace with myself~~ have 2 other children and grandbabies who love me to the moon and back! so I am blessed!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Terri,

      You are very welcome.

      That is great you are doing so well and have healthy boundaries after everything you have been through.

      It’s one of the toughest things to do hold those boundaries with your own child. Big kudos to you.

      Sending love and continued healing to you and all you family.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • gpapineau08@hotmail.com'
    Genevieve
    May 3, 2018

    My two beautiful children have been alienated from me for 4 years. I am going back to court next week for trial management after being in the system for 4 years. Trial is set for June. I must say that I did not want to go to court as I knew intuitively that it was a futile system. My ex sued me because he wants sole custody and wants retroactive child support. Even though I am paying table amount child support, I can’t leave the court process unless he chooses to negotiate with me or I am liable for his costs. Catch 22 right? The only thing I will attain at the end is a finding of parental alienation. It is so terribly expensive for trial too. The only way courts can enforce court orders are with police assistance. That would be traumatizing for my child. Is there a way I can make it look like it is his idea? Would you just walk away?

    I just came across your work a couple of weeks ago. I purchased the NARP program, however, I am finding it challenging to carve out the time to do the healing as I am exhausted after a full days work. I have done Module 1 a few times. I am feeling lots of pressure due to the time constraints. Other than module number one is there a particular module that I could focus on even though they are to be sequential? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Genevieve,

      My heart goes out to you with what you have been through.

      That is wonderful that you have NARP and it so crucial as a super-tool that can help you right now.

      I would love to see you in the NARP Forum getting help, support and coaching with NARP to give you the best resources and power.

      You don’t have to go through this alone, and joined power helps so much.

      The link to the Forum is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member and if for any reason you can’t access the forum please email one of my incredible support staff at support@melanietoniaevans.com who will help you.

      Sending love, power and healing to you Dear Lady, for you and your children.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ariesmidnight63@gmail.com'
    Aries
    May 3, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for all your help, you have been my life-line for sanity. I have been working NARP the last couple of months but this is the first time I have posted. I married young & have adult children & grand-children. I’ve been married for 35 years to what I have read, a covert N. His parents are both narcs. I could go on & on about my experiences over the years but I know my body will feel it & it won’t help my healing. I was a very vibrant, independent, intelligent & outgoing young woman, as my upbringing made me feel empowered as a female, for which I am grateful. But this did not prepare me for how I would end up slowly becoming the person I am now over time before even realising it. It changed the way I looked at the word & the people in it & my cognitive behaviour & artistic qualities – all gone. I got to the stage where I couldn’t use my ‘business head’ & then not even spell properly! I thought I would be the last person who could be brought down. I then went on a search for my self & found you & each day I see a glimpse of my old strength coming through. I was lucky enough to be able to be raised in a good environment, though none are perfect, but had good values, which are coming back to me. To be a shell of the person you once were is a frightening thing!

    Just to put me on the right track as I am still in a bit of a fog – when you mentioned doing the work & releasing our past to remain as your friend did, & let it go over her head does make sense to me. I am a person who naturally would ‘fight’ to make things right & believe I was doing the right thing by myself & others involved. It made me believe I was doing something meaningful that I was passionate about. In my release work I can’t find anything from my childhood that has triggered me towards the Narc when telling lies about me. The only triggers that came about in this area were because of him & his family, I can’t recall this before then. Do I work this part of my life where it started?

    Also I have seen the narcs in my experience when accused of things, be the one’s that remain calm & not letting it bother them ( pretending & then seeking revenge later) & the good honest people wanting to ‘fight’ for what is right & honest! That is why when I see people doing the latter, I am inclined to believe them as I see how it affects them like it would me. Just a bit stuck any help would be appreciated.

    much love,
    Aries

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Aries,

      You are so welcome and it makes my heart very happy that I can help.

      I am so pleased you are coming back. Absolutely to be reduced to a shell is terrifying for us, especially those of us who are capable people!

      Please know Aries there are many levels that we can be carrying traumas at -including past lives and inherited trauma. We may not necessarily see correlations in our childhood and we don’t need to.

      In the QFH Module process if you don’t receive ‘information’ it truly doesn’t matter. Feeling the dense energy in your body is enough, and having your attention with it whilst feeling it.

      That ensures it is loaded up and released and that is what grants you the healing shift. The information doesn’t, it is simply used as a way to connect to the feeling. If you can feel it that’s enough.

      And yes all you have to do is connect to the feeling ‘now’ and the QFH process will load up all the related trauma about it.

      I hope this helps!

      Ns know how to ‘act’ for credibility and how to make other people seem guilty.

      It works!

      And truly our only way to defeat them is to get solid, powerfully fearless and un-triggered.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mjsfreedom55@hotmail.com'
    Mary Jane Pederson
    May 3, 2018

    Melanie, thank you for this video. Please check out Dorcy Pruter’s work at the Conscious co-parenting institute along with Dr. Craig Childress who both are pioneers in the arena of parental alienation. Her work is very much along the lines of yours in healing our own wounds first. I admire you both so much. Dr. Childress does, though, have justified issues with Karen Woodal’s approach while he is working so hard to eradicate rampant professional ignorance involving getting the APA to get on board which will then force the courts to shape up. Gatekeeping, cult tactics, stockholm syndrome, splitting, a form of gang stalking, soul murder, severe psychological abuse, infected by the pathogen, munchausen, shared delusional psychotic behavior. etc. ect….. My young adult children were severely alienated and pulled into a horrific domestic violence by proxy set up by their homicidal forensically profiled unstable, dangerous and possible paranoid schizophrenic father I escaped his prior and then his ongoing intent to profit from my death. They were horribly used, exploited and set up as tools to deflect from that intent and to isolate me, his prey and keep them under his truly psychotic control. I witnessed my son’s eyes going dead and him starting to robotically mimic his fathers words in his downslide into doing horrific abnormal for him severe harm to me and lying to his own wife to use her to hide behind like his father was using him and our daughter. But then them sacrificing their own personal integrity and giving up a good mother they loved, whom my son even named my granddaughter after, to go along with their dangerous disturbed father probably saved my life and their own. It has been over 8 years this has been going on and I am now not naive how a corrupt judge in a corrupt court can turn running from a homicidal abuser into an out of control destructive and criminal mob targeting a person and pulling their children even farther into a total distortion of reality. I like to tell people and ignorant professionals who say “but your children are adults and are making their own choices” that my children are just like the “adult” court reporter, who under the corrupting undue coercive influence of a judge, illegally, blatantly and stupidly altered a court hearing transcript and took all of my words out of it like I was not even there. Or the “adult” fax clerk who sent me a hand written “fatal error” threat by the judge, (after I sent him to the now being audited for not investigating corrupt judges board of judicial review). Or the “adult” human resources person at their fathers prior job who when confronted would not answer the question as to which signature was hers on two documents for court that he forged her name among so many other “adults” coerced, misinformed, conned, intimidated and lied to to.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Mary Jane,

      Thank you for this resource and I will check it out. I love that it is inner transformational in nature and thank you for your kind words.

      I really do believe that we are coming into times where false and corrupt structures will be outed, exposed and fall and not before time.

      My heart goes out to you and your children Dear Lady for what has been suffered and I hope that you see compensation and big shifts in our world in your courageous and impactful time here.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • amypacyon@icloud.com'
    Amy
    May 3, 2018

    Hi Mel

    Love love love this triver episode. I feel like I have more clarity on my own wounds. Today is my birthday and I feel so blessed and I believe this message came to me in perfect divine order. Thank you for the birthday gift. I listened to this episode this morning before work and I received a text message from my daughter saying Happy Birthday after much time of no communication. I am taking this to module 1

    Love
    Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Awwww Amy,

      I am so thrilled this was timely for you.

      Happy Birthday sweetheart!

      How beautiful you received a message from you daughter.

      Sending blessings and glorious loving reconnection to you both.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • psyched75@yahoo.com'
    Anonymous
    May 3, 2018

    I am the parent being accused by my ex of parental alienation because I tell my children (ages 21, 18, and 15) the truth, affirm the truths that they see, and help them see through his manipulations. I give them the freedom to choose what to do with the truths that they have, and the oldest two have chosen to go no contact with him. But my ex’s accusations that I am alienating them make me wonder if I am doing the right thing or if I’m saying too much and harming them. I’m not trying to turn them against their father, but I am trying to help them avoid having to deal with more of the trauma that we experienced when he was living with us. Is it possible to say too much? Is it OK to point out his manipulations and toxic behaviors?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 3, 2018

      Hi Anonymous,

      This is such a difficult area for me to comment on, because there is the risk of having an alienation case presented against you.

      I always believe in bringing things back to our inner healing where we are calm and untriggered and showing up as our loving self. That way we can relay information and empowerment in certain ways to our children where they do get it and work it out.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Margarit72@aol.com'
      Jane
      May 5, 2018

      Hi Anonymus,
      You can see my comment below… I believe in saying the minimum necessary and not more so as not to hurt the children and have them choose sides. Without me proving anything, my son has chosen not to see his dad for months. There were times wihere my son would say ‘I don’t know who to believe, you or dad’ and my response was: ‘you’re free to believe whatever you want. I know the truth. If you want me to prove it, I can.’ But my son has never asked for proof because, I believe, it will hurt him too much to realize who his dad is. I believe my son witll realize what he needs to realize when he is ready.
      No matter what delusional things my ex says about me – that doesn’t change the love I feel my son has for me. And I allow my son to talk about the good times he remembers with his dad and his sadnesss that he is no longer in his life- without reminding him how crazy his dad is so there is really nothing to miss. I listen and acknowledge whatever feelings my son has. That’s all I do and things turned for my benefit on their own.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 5, 2018

        Hi Jane,

        You’ve put this beautifully and I totally agree.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

        • Margarit72@aol.com'
          Jane
          May 7, 2018

          Dear Mel,
          Thank you 🙏 your words mean a lot to me 😊
          I have a question. What can I do, module-wise, to help my son heal his broken heart/ sadness over his dad?
          His broken heart doesn’t interfere with him doing well in high school, friends, sports- but it’s there. Years ago I’ve done a module with the goal ‘my children are safe and divinely protected’ but I’m looking for the next stage…Can I help my son energetically heal his broken heart ? He has seen me, my behavior, and I’m sure that had a huge impact on him but Is there a goal I can set to help him heal the loss of what he thought was a loving dad. How would that module work ?

  • blanche333@yahoo.com'
    B
    May 3, 2018

    As someone who has been divorced for 30 years and went through agony regarding our children i agree your advice is wonderful. I wish I had it at that time. At age 68 i am just going through the healing process for the narcissistic abuse. I am grateful to have words, language, validation, process and understanding after all these decades . My son with significant disabilities recently moved into residential supports . As I started the healing process from that I got to the layer of narcissistic abuse and below that. I now need to figure out the earlier wounds. But it is good to be working towards thriving instead of surviving. I wonder about telling my son that his father is a narcissist explaining what that means as he makes poor relationship decisions duplicating some of the chaos he saw his father thrive on in relationships. It just feels like it makes me vulnerable to abuse and punishment from his father. I recommend reading fictional book The Wife between us. Thanks for all you have done for support.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 4, 2018

      Hi B,

      I am so pleased my work resonates with you and I am thrilled for you that you are now healing from the inside out.

      I really do believe B that when we heal our children organically follow. Thank you for your recommendation.

      So much love and powerful breakthrough blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • gcervlieri@aol.com'
    Gloria Cervellieri
    May 3, 2018

    Hi Melanie.

    My ex is an NAACP too. I just wanted to share how much you have truly helped me.

    Gloria

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 4, 2018

      Hi Gloria,

      I’m so pleased I could help.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • susanmwyer@gmail.com'
    suzzie
    May 3, 2018

    my narc is being alienated by our son who has seen through his father game ..but off course his family are accusing me of poisoning my son who is 19 … my sons relationship with me since establishing no contact has flourished i can believe how amazing he is ..but in the back of my mind is always that he will be turned by the family attacks on me

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 4, 2018

      Hi Suzzie,

      That is wonderful that your relationship with your son is flourishing.

      It is so true that what we fear can always haunt us.

      It really is about completely letting go of that fear. That’s the only way out of it.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Margarit72@sol.com'
    Jane
    May 5, 2018

    Mel,
    I couldn’t agree with you more. There is no point in reacting and explaining to the kids that the NARC is lying. The lies my ex Narc has made up are out of this world. Not only that I sleep with everybody but also that I blog about him under pretend names and smear him to everybody (which I don’t do), and he has even sent screen shots of my pretend blogs to my son to prove that I’m plotting against him ( I know, this is insane). I give this zero attention— And interestingly, so does my son, who is a teenager now but has been hearing all this stuff for years. I have the most loving son and we have a strong, caring relationship. Obviously, I’m still worried since he is a kid and you don’t want your kid to be exposed to insanity but so far so good- despite the horrific lies, my son is doing great in school and he loves his mom.
    I’m continually working on myself not to react and maintain my composure, looking inside- instead of outside to what the ex is doing.
    Mel- I’ve done NARP and love your continued inspiration ! Seriously -you’re blessed !!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 5, 2018

      Hi Jane,

      I am so happy for you and your son and how wonderful you just kept healing you and not trying to justify yourself.

      You can’t talk sense to insanity!

      We can only be it on the inside then all of life follows.

      Sending continued blessings to you and your loved ones.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Kdebbie74@gmail.com'
    D Kavanagh
    May 5, 2018

    Thank you for this video…. it helps to know I am not the only one…. it has given me hope for the future x

  • Sunshine49356@cs.com'
    Paulette
    May 5, 2018

    What if your grown child is the narcissist? I am a 68 year old disabled woman who has had her narcissist daughter and felon, narcissist boyfriend con me out of my inheritance from my mother who passed away five years ago this month. I didn’t discover the theft until all my money was gone and I sat down to figure out what happened to the money from my records. My daughter hid the records she was supposedly keeping of where her and her boyfriend were spending the money. There is almost $150,000 unaccounted for. I am now trapped here in one filthy room with no car, living on soup and TV dinners from a microwave. My health has gone to hell.

    I’ve already tried Social Services for crime against seniors and the police and all I’m told is it’s a civil matter and I have to sue my daughter. That would be fine IF I had any money left to hire a lawyer. From what I’ve been told by other people the money probably went for drugs.

    I have no desire to get close to my daughter (only child) again. Not after what her and her boyfriend have done to my life. I can never trust her again. She doesn’t seem to think she has done anything wrong. I also made the mistake of putting her name on my property that I bought after my mother passed away and now I can’t get her off my property and out of my life. She is just waiting for me to die (from all the stress she is causing me) so that she can get her hands on what little I have left. In the mean time I am having to use all of my SS disability every month to pay off the credit cards her and her boyfriend maxed out to supposedly remodel my living area for me. They sold off most of what I paid for and trashed a lot of what I had when we moved here. I’m still living in one room that was NEVER remodeled with most of my belongings still packed in boxes for almost four years now.

    Social Services made the suggestion that I go ahead and sell off my home — give my daughter half the money — and try to move somewhere else. They must be nuts. I wouldn’t have enough money left to move anywhere else. My health is also failing fast and I am not physically up to a move. The last point is WHY should I give my daughter anything when she has stolen so much from me already?

    The only hope I have left is that I can scrap up enough money to hire a lawyer and make a will that my daughter will get NOTHING from me when I’m gone. I have already changed my life insurance so that she won’t get her hands on that money. The last battle I need to fight is to get her name off MY property so that she can’t inherit that either. What goes around — comes around.

    What I wish for her is the same miserable existence that she has put me through since my mother passed away. I could have had a nice retirement IF she hadn’t stolen it from me. I’m too old and crippled to start over. The biggest hurt, anger and resentment is the fact that I am in this situation because she said she loved me and wanted to take care of me for the rest of my life. After the money was all gone she called me a greedy bitch for wanting to know where it went. She hid my parents trust and my mother’s last will and told Social Services that my mother had left it to her which was another lie. The lies and abuse go on and on.

    Don’t tell me to just walk away because at this late stage of the game it’s too late. My life has been destroyed and it doesn’t seem that all these groups that act so concerned for senior citizens will do a damn thing to help. I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life except to leave my daughter with nothing like she has left me. When she has nothing her narcissist boyfriend will dump her because he won’t be able to live off of her like he has for the past seven years. Then she will kill herself like she has threatened to do so many times in the past. My only regret will be that her boyfriend won’t spend the rest of his life BACK in prison like he so justly deserves for all his theft. Yes, I want to see their lives destroyed like they have destroyed mine. At this late stage of my life I am NOT going to get over it!

    Thanks for listening even though it won’t change anything.

    Paulette

  • ted.wrinch@gmail.com'
    Ted Wrinch
    May 8, 2018

    Our daughter rebelled from 14, partied etc, failed school, moved out of our toxic home to a room across town at 16, got caught with stolen goods in her handbag at 17….then began turning her life around. Got an internship, job, nice boyfriend, promotion and now at 23 is an independent, successful young woman. We met, hugged and talked for an hour 3 weeks ago, the first time since nmum alienated her from me through a crisis she created when daughter was 16. It was like we’d never been separated❤️. She began coming back when I went from educating her by letter three years ago to just sharing love just over a year ago ; the re-connection process accelerated after Christmas when through Gigi Young I understood more deeply the spiritual meaning of narcissism (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=18-rXGJD-ys https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NzuPSVqjh9E) and let go of the trauma from by Sam Vaknin, created by my understanding from his videos in May 2015 that the children’s mother is a narcissist. The best book explaining alienation that I’ve found, that exactly describes my daughter’s symptoms from the abuse when she was 21, is Foundations by Dr Childress (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment-Based-Model-Parental-Alienation-Foundations/dp/0996114505). His mother was a narcissist, he knows this stuff.

    I may have set a precedent for daughter : I rebelled against my narc mum from 14, left home for good at 18.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 8, 2018

      Hi Ted,

      Thank you for sharing your inspirational story and I am so happy for you and your daughter having your beautiful reuniting.

      Thank you also for you recommendation of these resources, myself and the community are very grateful for them.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cblair456@yahoo.com'
    Cat
    May 8, 2018

    Yes, those of us who have an adult child who is a narcissist or a character disordered person (see Dr. George Simon’s book entitled “Character Disorder”) are in a different position from those of us who have a normal child who is simply being told lies.

    I think the only thing we can do is to heal ourselves, and then visualize our child seeing the light.

    And, I am with Paulette when it comes to trust. Because my daughter and son-in-law are not normal, but in fact are “Character Disturbed” I would not likely trust either of them ever again.

    • Sunshine49356@cs.com'
      Paulette
      May 14, 2018

      Hi Cat,

      I imagine that a lot of parents go through things like we did because of narcissist children. When I tried to get a restraining order on my daughter to get her off my property I was told that it’s happening now more than you would believe. Children mistreating their parents and stealing from them seems to be common behavior anymore.

      Sometimes I think it’s because of what they are being taught in schools under the guise of self respect. That every child is a winner and can do no wrong. It gives them an unrealistic view of self-importance that leads to narcissism. When I was young we were taught to respect our elders and that we had to work for rewards. You know the saying — life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. I was taught to think that way because my parents grew up during the Depression and family sticking together for survival was really important. From what I see now, most children only seem to be concerned about their own welfare and couldn’t care less what their parents go through for them.

      My religious beliefs also make me think that maybe this was a lesson for me. The Bible says not to love the things of this world because if you love the things of this world than the love for the Father is not in you. The only thing I really loved in this world was my daughter and she has ended that with what she has done to me. I can never feel close to her or trust her again. That is my biggest lose that goes beyond money or property.

      I wonder if she even realizes how much she has hurt me and that she has destroyed something more important than money — my trust in her. We will never have the kind of loving relationship I had with my mother the last years of her life. Sometimes I think she doesn’t even care but I know that someday she will and it will be too late. I’m sorry that you are going through the same alienation from your daughter that I am with mine.

      Best wishes,
      Paulette

  • cblair456@yahoo.com'
    Cat
    May 8, 2018

    Sorry, that book is called “Character Disturbance” by Dr. George Simon. He discusses the difference between people who are normal (but may need to heal) and people who are unlikely to ever change. And he breaks down what we all lump into the term “NARC”. He goes over the different categories, so that you can identify what kind of person you are actually dealing with.

    And it was in Dr. Simon’s book that I was able to identify my son-in-law’s type of Narcissism and my daughter’s type of Character Disorder (not officially a Narcissist, but just as difficult to change.) And in understanding the core of their personalities, I now understand that there is little hope of either one of them changing.

    So now, I visualize sending them light and love. And then I get on with my own life. Miracles do happen, but I no longer put my life on hold in the hope that they will change.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 8, 2018

      Hi Cat,

      I love your attitude and orientation towards this.

      The book you mention sounds like a wonderful resource and today I will order it.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cblair456@yahoo.com'
    Cat
    May 8, 2018

    Sorry, that book is called “Character Disturbance” by Dr. George Simon. He discusses the difference between people who are normal (but may need to heal) and people who are unlikely to ever change. And he breaks down what we all lump into the term “NARC”. He goes over the different categories, so that you can identify what kind of person you are actually dealing with.

    And it was in Dr. Simon’s book that I was able to identify my son-in-law’s type of Narcissism and my daughter’s type of Character Disorder (not officially a Narcissist, but just as difficult to change.) And in understanding the core of their personalities, I now understand that there is little hope of either one of them changing.

    So now, I visualize sending them light and love. And then I get on with my own life. Miracles do happen, but I no longer put my life on hold in the hope that they will change.

    For those who are normal, but may need healing, Melanie’s program is superb. I can’t recommend it enough!

  • kmcullinen@gmail.com'
    Kathleen
    May 8, 2018

    Wow.. I spent time with women in my domestic violence support group going through this tonight (I am trying EVERYTHING to get better).

    I wish I had your business cards or maybe I can just bring this website to group next week.

    I don’t have children (I took care of my current/hope to be ex and LAST adult child narcissist for 7 years though), but when my emotional support dog was beat (last time in front of me), that was it.

    Maybe my dog, a rescue dog from abuse, rescued ME from abuse in the end.

    I don’t know.

    I will print out your website/blog address Melanie and thank God for the gifts that he has given you to share with the broken hearted, desperate souls like myself looking for that one last chance to heal and “get it right.”

  • stina.stiernstrom@gmail.com'
    Sia
    May 11, 2018

    Hi Mel!
    Thank you for this video. It has given me comfort and hope. I haven’t seen my oldest son for over a year and it’s breaking my heart. I try not to think of it but yesterday I saw my son in a car I passed and it hit me how he is no longer a part of my life. He had grown so much in a year. He will turn 16 this summer.
    One month ago I received a message from him on my phone that he didn’t want to hear from me or his younger siblings ever again. I know that his dad, my ex-Narc husband, must have told him even more lies then. My oldest son has been totally brain washed by his dad ever since the divorce two years ago. At the beginning, right after the divorce, my oldest son lived with me every second week but he got more and more violent and angry every time he got back from a week with his dad. It all came to a point last year when he couldn’t live with me and his younger brother and sisters any longer because he was too violent. I had to hide from my son in my own home! And his siblings hid too! It felt like I had his dad in my home – my own son was acting towards me and the siblings like their dad had done earlier.
    I tried to get help from the social services in my country (child protective services) because I felt my oldest son was alienated from me by his dad but they didn’t believe me and they didn’t help. They listened to my ex-husband and at the time they believed him, every lie he said – they didn’t even bother to hear me and my story properly! That was then. Now a year later the social services have realized that it is my ex-husband who is lying and I was telling the truth about my ex-husband and how he abused me and the children for many years. My three younger children live with me full time.

    But I am too scared of my oldest son. I don’t know how to handle that. He reminds me so much of my ex-Narc husband. I am too scared to invite my son to my home. I am scared that he will start abusing me again and frighten his younger brother and sisters. Yet, if I never see him and he only has his Narc dad around him – will my son ever change? He will be more and more alienated. How do I work with my feelings of being afraid of my own son? I have done the first two modules of NARP which helped me dealing with my feelings for my ex-husband. But how do I work with how I feel about my own son?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2018

      Hi Sia,

      My heart goes out to. That is so painful what has happened regarding your son.

      Sia with Module 1 and or the Goal Setting Module you can release absolutely any trauma including the ones you feel about your son.

      That truly is the only way I know of how to create the space for change in your life.

      And Sia if he doesn’t change at the very least for you and your other children going forward you can gain peace and healing regardless.

      That is what is vitally important.

      I hope this helps and sending to you my love and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mmasdf5@aol.com'
    Maggie
    May 22, 2018

    I am a victim of parental alienation. The narcissist damaging my children is my mother. She destroyed me growing up and has used my kids to continue the abuse. She made each of my five kids renounce me as a bad mom and love only her. I have fought for my place in my kids lives as she did every narcissistic abuse tactic there is to destroy me. Presently I have a great relationship with four of my children after explaining the truth about my life. It has taken years of damage control and there are still learned behaviors that my kids learned from my disturbed mom that I have to cope with. My oldest child is completely estranged from me and has been groomed since day one. My mom has emotional incest with her and has lied about me endlessly. I want to save my daughter. My mom is 81 and still causing triangulation with my kids after doing it with her own. She needs to stop hurting the next generation. I am now a grandparent of one and she will never damage that child.
    What can I do to save my child and protect my grandchild?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 22, 2018

      Awww Maggie,

      My heart goes out to you. That would be incredibly unspeakably painful and what a terrible betrayal.

      Truly Dear Lady the most incredible step we can ever take it the healing of the trauma within us. That creates a reset for another trajectory to emerge, and has done this for so many people in this community.

      I’d love you to check out my free resources to start getting that process started http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • mmasdf5@aol.com'
        Maggie
        May 22, 2018

        Mel, I believe in what you are doing and am commited to my healing. I will try to do a workshop. You have no idea how much it means to me that you care. It has been a solitary journey. God bless you. You are saving many.

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