Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Break The Narcissist’s Conditioning – Part 1

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 20
239
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

If you’ve been through a relationship with a narcissist or toxic person there’s no doubt you have had the experience of becoming someone you don’t know anymore.

After spending months, years or even decades with your rights, feelings, and thoughts being suppressed, you have no choice but to submerge your identity, dreams, and goals and become whatever you need to be in order to survive.

Which is usually a severely diminished person who has shut off their own life-force.

And … even after getting out of the narcissistic relationship, as a result of finally leaving or because you have eventually been discarded for good, you are likely to still feel like you are stuck in a cage of painful feelings and fears.

Even if the door is open, you may feel too terrified to leave this cage, and the reason is: you don’t know how to live again.

The intense trauma, brainwashing, and conditioning you received from narcissistic abuse caused this …

Losing your voice, giving up on your dreams, believing you were defective, being terrified that every time you tried to assert yourself that there was a price to pay, and no longer knowing how to make your life work, because of handing your power away in an attempt to get this person to stop abusing you.

The narcissist’s conditioning is a serious issue and it’s common, and there is a definite recovery process that we need to make in order to recover from it.

Many people believe that there is no coming back from the abuse that a narcissist has implanted into our being and our brains, but I can assure you that there is, and that is what this Thriver TV topic is all about.

In this first part of a two parts series, we will look at the 5 major trauma programs that our Inner Identity takes on as a result of narcissistic abuse, and once we have this groundwork in place you will understand exactly how the narcissist has managed to affect your mind, heart and soul so severely and why it’s been so difficult to pick yourself up and move on with your life.

 

Episode Transcript

Narcissistic abuse is insidious and seeps through into our inner being. Bruises and cuts and physical abuse may be easy for all to see, but, as many of us believe, the results of emotional and mental abuse are just as deadly and require attention and healing if we are to be able to move forward effectively.

This is what happens to people who have been living with substantial narcissistic abuse …

They can’t speak up for their rights.

Their opinions and dreams are squashed.

They dim their light

They are not allowed to be their True Self, because their life is all about serving someone else’s False Self.

How does a person come back from that?

How can you heal and reprogram yourself past these shackles?

Please know the information that I am sharing today is not about how to survive a narcissist and get well with them in your life. It is about detaching and taking your life back.

Being separated from the narcissist and going No Contact is absolutely the best way to go, and emotional detachment and regaining your self and power can also happen if you are still involved in a narcissist with parallel parenting, or at work or through family connections etc.

In this two-part Thriver TV episodes, I am going to show you how and what it means to break free from being hamstrung, repressed, diminished and even disintegrated and the ways to do it – even if this is all you have know your entire life … or, if you believe in past lives, even many lifetimes.

Maybe you have never known the experience of being your free, powerful self. Maybe you have always been conditioned to be repressed, small and not take up too much space. If you have been living around narcissists, this is 100% true, because life in the narcissist’s environment has to be all about the narcissist.

The conditioning from a narcissist is insidious, it is powerful. The brainwashing and trauma are so impactful that our inner beings are changed. Many people believe this: the damage is permanent to our brains and nervous systems, and I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be, and I take a stand with you and for you for that. That we absolutely do have the power to heal this, but we need to be very clear about what has happened and what is necessary to break free from the narcissist’s conditioning.

I want to go through with you one at a time some of the biggest programming damage that we receive from narcissists that is detrimental to our True Selves, and then one at time we are going to go through exactly how to break free from that programming.

 

Number 1: We are not heard

 Your life, values, dreams and day to day experiences are totally irrelevant to him or her. To a narcissist, even any thoughts and feelings which are not theirs, are totally null and void. If trying to share any of yourself with a narcissist, he or she will be disinterested, tune out, invalidate you and constantly bring the conversation back to themselves.

This causes you to shrink, and to give up. If we are not being heard and have to fight for airspace, then the degree of difficulty is barely worth it. Instead, we learn to contract, bottle up and internalise our feelings as well as the beliefs ‘I am not interesting, worth listening to or valued enough by others to be important.’ So what we start to find is that even in environments where the narcissist isn’t, we lack confidence, we don’t like to assert our ideas or opinions, and we often feel dismissed, passed over and left out when spending time with others.

 

Number 2: Our dreams are squashed

We learn, from narcissists that because we are unimportant, so are our dreams. According to the narcissist they are either far-fetched, unimportant or selfish. You are told how wrong it is and all the reasons why you can’t do them, shouldn’t do them or are a terrible person for doing them. You feel like an animal that every time you try to get up is whipped and pushed back down.

If we do try to have our dreams, the punishment and abuse escalates and causes so much trauma that we may succumb to dimming down. We learn not to have dreams and aspirations and that anything we do want depends on the narcissist being the source of it for us – which of course they healthily aren’t. Any such dream is fraught with trauma and comes at a hefty price. The narcissist makes sure that the payment comes out of our very soul.

 

Number 3: We believe we are defective

As we lose more and more of our opinions, feelings, thoughts and dreams we become more and more empty, anxious and traumatised (because this is not the natural True Self state our soul intended to live) and in addition the narcissist is projecting their inner wounds onto us by naming all the ways they perceive we are not serving their False Self adequately.

We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. There is no way to make a narcissist happy and keep them happy because the insatiable False Self will always find fault and demand more. If you are told that you are this or that, or not enough of this or that constantly, we start to absorb these insults and believe them. We take on that we are wrong, sick, crazy, defective and even bad or narcissistic. This impacts every area of our life.

Because of the shame, confusion and pain we are feeling on the inside we may start dropping away from human interaction and become isolated recluses.

 

Number 4: The proverbial rug is always pulled out from under you

One of the covert ways that a narcissist punishes you for wanting your own life, ideals or dreams is to promise you what you want, dangle the carrot for maximum payoff back to themselves, and then punish you by not delivering. The justification is elaborate ‘excuses’ including saying that it was something bad that you did that made the narcissist change their mind. Just like a dog who leaves their cage and gets belted to go back into it – you learn that you may minimise some cruel and malicious treatment if you don’t want your own life.

 

Number 5: We assign the narcissist as the giver of our Lifeforce

Emotionally we are a hostage. We are not allowed to have our own thoughts, feelings, goals, values, ideas or dreams. Everything we feel, think or want has to be aligned with the narcissist, otherwise pain and punishment are attached to it. Rather than being in our own bodies in heart-centered living navigating life from a place of self-wholeness, our entire existence is now focused on what the narcissist is or isn’t doing and what he or she is thinking.

We try to get the crumbs of love and connection that we crave in the good times and then try to survive the onslaughts when the narcissist lashes out in the bad times. This is literally akin to Stockholm syndrome, the phenomenon of people having strong trauma bonding with their captors that they feel powerless to overcome.

This gets set up by the horror of terrible de-humanising treatment, and then when the captor hands out food, water or human basic comforts and ‘you can live today’ this creates such a high of relief, it can even feel like love.  Without knowing it we may have unconsciously created the narcissist as our God. Tragically this means all of our power has been handed away and we may even feel powerless to live without the narcissist. We may become literally, in our life moving forward, incapable of making decisions or taking actions for ourselves.

So you can see by these 5 examples that this is powerfully impacting brainwashing, trauma conditioning and learned powerlessness that we take on. What is necessary to get the narcissist out of our being and our head and move forward healthily with our life is to unpick this, unpack it and learn how we can overcome this programming and conditioning.

And we can, because I promise you the power to heal and overcome is within you when you know how to harness and unleash that power.

You will know by now that I am such a fan of the Quantum Work – meaning doing the work within our inner beings to release and reprogram our traumas so that we can break through into new ways of being and life trajectories that we simply couldn’t, if we didn’t access and heal ourselves at this level.

The truth of our lives, according to neuron-scientists, is that 90-95% of our lives by age 30 is running on autopilot from our subconscious programs. Of course, our subconscious programs by the time we have experienced narcissists are severely traumatised, and if we don’t heal them, oftentimes we simply keep repeating our past, no matter what new ways we try to ‘think’ ourselves into.

What is necessary to get a change in our life is to get a real somatic shift in our emotional body, inside us, on that topic. This is the way we move forward as a different person and that is exactly what the inner Quantum tools allow us to achieve. When we use these we are seeking to heal the trauma at its core, to create an unprecedented breakthrough in our life – the becoming of our True Selves and living as a source of our True Power – even if we have no idea what this is to live like this yet.

And this is so much more effective than trying to have strategies to try to negate and manage your trauma, which is not what this video and my work is about. If you have significant trauma – which narcissistic abuse absolutely is – trying to battle that constantly feels like swimming upstream with a brick on your head. Those are the old paradigms of healing and why would we be interested in those when there is a so much elegant, succinct and effective way to heal?

Which is: change your beliefs directly within your inner being, because as soon as you have a shift in belief, immediately how you feel and think shifts. How you respond changes. What you choose changes. Everything changes. Then people and situations who represent your old Inner Identity simply are not in your reality anymore – so within so without.

Your entire life trajectory, landscape and all the characters within it change. That is the total key, and we only achieve this when we have a visceral shift inside us in our emotional self.

So … in a few day’s time, in Part 2, we are going to do a profound investigative journey together, digging out the exact traumas that are responsible for us staying stuck in the narcissist’s conditioning so that we can take our power back and become the generative source of our own True Life.

Does that sound like something you would like to join me for?

Pause this video and scroll down and comment and let me know what you would like to work on – so that I can prepare this for you.

Truly, I can’t wait to share this with you, because my greatest life commitment is to help you get well. So, if you relate to this episode today and even if you are already highly committed to your inner work this is really going to give you a healing super boost.

No matter where you are at it, even if you have never done this work before, it is going to help you a lot.

I hope you enjoyed this video and to make super boosts in your healing and True Self reality your life skill, you can sign up to my free 16 day recovery course, it includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me, a set of eBooks and lots more. 

So until next time… keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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239 Thoughts on How To Break The Narcissist’s Conditioning – Part 1
  • dshskb@hotmail.com'
    Deb
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you for this. Hits home.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Deb,

      It’s my pleasure and I’m so glad this resonates.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • adamslynn89@yahoo.com'
        lynn adams
        May 8, 2018

        OMG thank you so much for your life-changing information and help…while reading what you say it feels like your words are coming straight from within my soul. It is simply so amazing it gives me goosebumps.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 8, 2018

          Awww Lynn,

          You are so welcome Dear Lady and I’m so pleased I can help.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Bksarver@aol.com'
        Brenda
        May 8, 2018

        This rally hits home I am trying to let go of the past working on it everyday and I see him trying to use our children to get back at me and also he has money and political power which has been hard for me being with a total of 36 yrs with four children three grown but one thirteen yrs of age I see narcissistic traits in him at times trying get inner peace so he doesn’t become one thanks for all you doing and glad I came across you

      • janbrickner@outlook.com'
        Jan brickner
        May 8, 2018

        Everything u teach hits me at my core. It is truly validating. I have trouble getting past the hate that I feel towards him. I have never hated anyone in my life and I fear this feeling I am harboring for him is going to change me. Nothing good can come from it.

      • cynthia.florio@gmail.com'
        Cynthia
        May 9, 2018

        Your videos have helped me so much. It has been decades for me under the thumb of a narcissist who is a family member. This person has done all the things you speak of to manipulate me and I lost myself a long time ago. No, I gave myself away unwittingly. Now I know and feel I am thinking and seeing things so clearly. I have tried to detach completely but as it’s a family member, only one relative understands and believes me. I worry that it’s too late for me and I’ve wasted my whole life trying to please and validate this narcissist. I have health problems which also have occasionally made me dependent. I am trying to live out what time I have left in gratitude and positivity. To salvage at least what’s left of me and allow myself to shine even if no one notices. The universe keeps sending me blessings lately and I feel as though my guardian angel is watching over and blocking the barbs and arrows this person keeps slinging st me to keep me down. I wish I’d seen your videos a long time ago Melanie and thank you so much for your work in helping so many others. God bless you.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 9, 2018

          Awww Cynthia,

          That is great that you are coming into clarity and your truth.

          Please know sweetheart it is never too later to heal and integrate with our self and be a beautiful generative source of blessings flowing through us.

          No matter where we have come from.

          Much love to you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • sheilapw@gmail.com'
        sheila williams
        May 9, 2018

        Thank you so much for comparing Narcissistic abuse to Stockholm Syndrome. This landmark case determined that a victim can “bond” with their abuser in 24 hours! Those of us raised by Narcissists and repeating the pattern as adults, have decades of brainwashing (not to mention previous lives/genetics). Perhaps thats why I have procrastinated in doing the Modules, as I feel the damage has gone on for so long and the pain is so deeply imbedded that the effort to uplevel is limitless.

        I read that circus baby elephants are chained to a post and that when they try to get away, the chain cuts into their ankles and causes deep wounds. Eventually they stop trying. This memory is so ingrained that when they are grown and can easily pull up the stake, they don’t even try. It seems to me that we are like those baby elephants and the Narcissistic abuse from childhood keeps us in a victimized state of mind.

    • pauline.burke68@gmail.com'
      Pauline Margaret Burke
      May 6, 2018

      So much thanks again Mel 💚💚💚. I am struggling so much right now with my son, who has been manipulated and doesn’t want contact with me. I feel his pain, but I know intuitively that it’s time to put those boundaries in place please could you help those of us who fear that speaking our soul truth will mean losing our children forever. Much love. Xxx Pauline

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 7, 2018

        Hi Pauline,

        It’s my pleasure.

        I did do a talk on Facebook live about our children recently and I think it could really help you a lot

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eBOCkHgJCI

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

        • tambrawhite@ioud.com'
          Tambra white
          May 27, 2018

          Angel is aparently is who you are. I need I thank you and am desperate for the truth and justicd. Plz I want this extra 250,000 pay day off of me and placed in hin. U are my chance thank u

      • adamslynn89@yahoo.com'
        lynn adams
        May 8, 2018

        I so know how you feel. You have to protect yourself. I have only recently was able to lovingly tell my adult children ages 39, 34 and 29 that I have to love them at a distance right now as I need to heal. I ignored and denied since they were in their teens. A mother who loves unconditionally cannot accept that her own children can treat her so “inhumanely” as you know in your heart you bent over backwards with love, encouragement, independence, choices, bailing them out of their poor choices and still encouraging them, trying to build their self-esteem…I could go on and on and on…you are simply dambed if you do and dambed if you don’t. You must take care of yourself but is extremely hard for a mother to accept. God bless you. Melanie has been a blessing in my life.

      • adamslynn89@yahoo.com'
        lynn adams
        May 8, 2018

        I also would like to share this about my three adult children. I did even try “no contact” in the past and I should of realized then that they truly did not care. Eight years have gone by with my oldest, and a year and a half with my youngest and my son. They truly “discarded” me. I was the one, being the mother in disbelief, who reached out to them all only to be sucked back into their dysfunctional lives. It is heart breaking. They destroy your soul if you allow it. I never knew anything about narcissism until I came across Melanie and I really and truly recommend anyone going through this horrific pain to listen to what she says. It has been life-changing for me when I was just ready to “completely” give up. Love to you all.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 8, 2018

          Awww Lynn,

          So much love and healing to you.

          Big hugs 🙏💕❤️

        • sheilapw@gmail.com'
          sheila williams
          May 9, 2018

          Hello Lynn,
          You are not alone. I have a similar story concerning my adult daughter, my only child. I truly believe that Narcissists are often genetically predisposed as has been the recent finding in brain scans. Both my parents were covert Narcissists as is my daughter, who I also gave unconditional love to and stood by her in her turbulent teens and 20’s. The ONLY reason that I do have limited contact with her now is to be able to see my 3 year old grandson (we live in different states and I treasure the rare visits). However, I know that the toxicity of her Narcissism makes even our limited contact challenging. I wish you peace and much love and strength.

    • nleemen@shaw.ca'
      Nanc
      May 9, 2018

      It certainly does hit home! I am not crazy afterall!

    • baaden.jean@gmail.com'
      Clare
      August 8, 2018

      My ex filed a dom violence restraining order against me.
      Was dissolved. As a result he had orders Of which he has not abided for visitation. I truly know he has manipulated my 13 1/2 year oldl daughter against me. Yes I said negative things about him in front of her. Now she no longer wants to visit with me or have any communication with me, I only have an email to communicate with her which hasi been one way. Custody hearing is weeks away. What do you suggest?

  • wilsonlori987@gmail.com'
    Lori
    May 6, 2018

    I have been “no contact” for several months and have done all of the NARP modules. My true voice is a work in progress as I believed ignoring comments from others was the best way- not any more! The pattern of attracting narcissists and being blindly loyal are just two facets of the old me. Get rid of anything that reminds you of “that one” and delight in finding the lively you every day.

    Thank you Melanie!!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Lori,

      I totally agree! Fabulous you are doing so well!

      It’s my pleasure Lori.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Pendell7@aol.com'
    Julie W.
    May 6, 2018

    I am a month no contact. I don’t know how to heal. I think about him constantly. I am probably only a month no contact because he isn’t trying to contact me. I told him I can’t live without him and he said “you can but you’ll be miserable” and so far he’s right. I need some direction. Thank you.

    • Schelem@live.com'
      Maria
      May 6, 2018

      I am struggling and can’t let go. He lied when he broke up with me and now confessed he hooked up with an ex of 29 years ago?? I can’t seem to keep hoping he comes back looking for me like fe used to begging all the time but he stopped and we are at no contact for 2 months. I still have to pick up some things at his house but I’m scared to even contact him. I’m so scared of the feeling I have in me not being able to let go and fearful of going on with my life. As if I can’t move on because I’m still hoping he comes back. It cycles and I hate the feeling of not being able to move on.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 6, 2018

        Hi Maria,

        I’d love to help you get to the bottom of this and heal it and take your power back. Part 2 will help.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
      Tuesday
      May 6, 2018

      Hello
      I was miserable for 11months after we separated, I couldn’t move on at all – I was totally stuck. Then I stumbled across Melanie and NARP and I haven’t looked back, she and her programme are transforming my life and I’m rediscovering myself. It’s all positive. I do wish you luck.
      Love from Tuesday

    • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
      Tuesday
      May 6, 2018

      Hello Julie – I’m sorry, my response went to the wrong person (I’m using my phone and can’t see what I’m doing!
      Hello
      I was miserable for 11months after we separated, I couldn’t move on at all – I was totally stuck. Then I stumbled across Melanie and NARP and I haven’t looked back, she and her programme are transforming my life and I’m rediscovering myself. It’s all positive. I do wish you luck.
      Love from Tuesday

      • hannah.woolhouse@gmal.com'
        Tuesday
        May 6, 2018

        Hello again – now I’m on the computer and I can more or less see what I’m doing(!) I realise my reply to Julie could equally apply to you Maria.

        Much love

      • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
        Tuesday
        May 6, 2018

        Thank you Melanie
        I can’t wait for part 2!

        Even though I am a dedicated NARPer, my life is transformed and my self-belief on a healing trajectory, I struggle with believing I can support myself. This comes up as ancient whenever I do a module and I seem recently to have understood that it may come from a past-life of being handicapped and totally dependent on a family who resented this and did not want me. The associated beliefs are surfacing but very deeply ingrained.

        So, the narcissistic abuse episode in my life makes perfect sense, my inability to provide anything was constantly attacked although ironically I kept my end up quite well in this respect – even so every material success was slammed and denigrated in spite of the fact that he benefited! It seemed totally warped.

        Now I’m alone it isn’t so easy; it’s getting myself to a place where I KNOW I can provide for myself materially which is proving difficult – the being a source to self is coming along just fine!! I would therefore really appreciate the physical/material aspect being integrated into part 2 if at all possible please.

        Much love and many many thanks
        Tuesday

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 6, 2018

          Hi Tuesday,

          It’s my pleasure and I am so pleased you are looking forward to it.

          This one can be so big – it was for me too – and I will certainly do my best to incorporate it.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Awww Julie,

      My heart goes out to you it is terrible when we feel hooked and going through the withdrawal.

      I’d love you to consider coming into my free webinar where you can get relief and learn how to heal from this.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Please know you can get through this and out to the other side.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • felisha@coldwellbankerhmf.com'
      Felisha
      May 7, 2018

      One month with no contact because of final discard. One month no contact from my mother the 1st and foremost NARC in my life she did not allow me to have any hopes or ambitions if I did she would have me arrested, etc… I can no longer think, feel, go to my office. I had a wonderful father, he died twenty years ago. I love life as he did, but every relationship I get in is with a narcissist like my mother. This last one drove in the final hit on the nail head. I feel like I have bombs dropping all around me.

  • swanberg@wisc.edu'
    wendy swanberg
    May 6, 2018

    Yes!!! everything you say rings like a bell-choir. I am full-in.

  • kelleydavila@yahoo.com'
    Kelley Carpenter
    May 6, 2018

    Looking forward to part 2 of this video. I feel stuck! Not moving on even though I work on healing myself. No More narcissists in my life but don’t understand why I can’t get on with my life, I feel fear of failure and having 2 children who rely on me and are watching and need to see that I can succeed. Their father loved to put me down and humiliated me in front of them and had them joining in. It is important to me to show them they can believe in me and trust me and that no matter what they can do anything!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Kelley,

      That is great you are looking forward to part 2 and I can’t wait to help you with this.

      I love that you want to lead the way for you children, and so it will be.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Shanisuttie@bigpond.com'
    Shani
    May 6, 2018

    I would definitely be Interested Melanie, I have done a lot of Inner healing and still new Men that are showing up are Narsassitic ❤️

  • Karynchoate@gmail.com'
    Karyn
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    I’m definitely looking forward to part two!
    So many layers of stuff to go through, but each time something presents itself it’s the opportunity to heal.
    Thank you so much Mel XoXo

  • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
    Janet
    May 6, 2018

    This hits home..I am divorced….I did therapy years ago which focused on trying to understand and heal…building compassion but now I don’t feel she understood narcissism and I didn’t…I have had good years and now verbally going after him thru email only results in him using the same behaviours…I now know he is not deserving of any integrity…I feel remorse/guilt when it comes to our grown married daughter…I feel shame and somehow feel I am no longer deserving of her love…that it would be best for me to remove myself from her as seeing her now and then just reminds me of my being so shameful and just feel despite being a great mother that she shouldn’t have to carry this burden…she is going to see her dad remarry in Brisbane in 2 weeks and perhaps that is re-triggering me…I have made so many changes over 9 years but today felt that backwards movement of an old belief that I am not worthy of love due to the family being dismantled…being responsible to me it right now feels easier just to step back as painful as that is…perhaps I will shift again but tonight that is my feeling…it’s terrible what a narc can retrigger in you when these feelings were never present before marriage..I know I had to walk thru what I did in therapy as I wouldn’t have been able to process narcissism then but I feel my compassion was wasted on him and just am angry with myself and feeling my wrong choice has caused our daughter to suffer…he is clueless of course and the woman he is marrying has two grown daughters living with them which greatly upset our daughter and he was clueless about that…it irritates me people who behave like that.

  • Renehowardleiva@gmail.com'
    Rene
    May 6, 2018

    I would like to work on not getting triggered by smear campaigns. Also, healing from deeply invalidating relationships with narcissists. Thank you.

  • vickiwidrick@icloud.com'
    Vicki Widrick
    May 6, 2018

    I was married to a narcissist for over 20 years. When I made him mad as I questioned that he was lying to me about meeting online women for sex, he left me and moved out in a text message and moved in with his mother. He has not worked in years, I worked two jobs to support us now his mother not only supports him financially but has given him a boat, put his name on a second home they own. Etc. while I am left to pay all the bills and debts he is enjoy life worry free. Here is the issue within me. Our divorce was final a few weeks ago he contacts me regularly stating he cares about me still, not in love with me but thinks I should feel lucky he wants to have sex with me. I can’t seem to pick my heart off the floor, I am so devastated. I am 58 years old and he completely took everything we owned and I even gave him what little retirement money I had, I just always wanted to make him happy so he would not leave me, he is only 44 years old. Not I feel so worthless, defeated, and feel like I am only surviving and not living. I don’t know who I am. I do I get enough strength to go no contact and stick with it this time?

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      May 6, 2018

      The hardest thing is realizing they don’t see themselves having any character flaws…I chuckled as years ago I was reading the book ‘The Road to character’…how far apart we are on how we see life..and I understand as I was married for 25 years…now as I say it’s realizing all my empathy and compassion was wasted on him…they are not deserving of integrity

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Awww Vicki,

      I’m so glad you have posted and reached out.

      Dear Lady please know that when we start turning inwards to love and heal ourselves back to wholeness it breaks the intense bond we feel with them as ‘our source’.

      I’d love you to consider coming into my free workshop to learn all about this and start feeling some relief and your own power.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • stepanski29@yahoo.com'
    Lucy
    May 6, 2018

    Still feel a reaction from hearing his name or what he is currently doing. I don’the want to be affected by the thought of him any more.

    • leahkent12345@gmail.com'
      Leah Kent
      May 6, 2018

      I’m parenting with my ex narc and have three boys with him. He chooses now to live off the grid, not support us or act as a father to the children one of whom is terminally ill. I too would like to reach a state of total indifference but I’m
      a long way off from that and am scared that I’ll never get there.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 6, 2018

        Awww Leah,

        My heart goes out you.

        Wishing for and sending you healing and breakthroughs.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      That’s great you want to get free of that Lucy.

      It is beautiful when we do break free.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • jude.poynter@hotmail.com'
      Judy Poynter
      May 7, 2018

      That is exactly how I feel Lucy. I’ve wasted over 17 years of my life on him. Loving him, giving to him, putting him first. I finally hit the wall and left and after playing the victim for a short while he’s now married to someone he met on Tinder who’ll be swept off her feet by his lovebombing just as I was. I wish I didn’t care. I feel broken and paralysed. I’m moving through each day but feeling so sad and lost. Why do they have this hold on us still?

    • jude.poynter@hotmail.com'
      Judy
      May 7, 2018

      That is exactly how I feel Lucy. I’ve wasted over 17 years of my life on him. Loving him, giving to him, putting him first. I finally hit the wall and left and after playing the victim for a short while he’s now married to someone he met on Tinder who’ll be swept off her feet by his lovebombing just as I was. I wish I didn’t care. I feel broken and paralysed. I’m moving through each day but feeling so sad and lost. Why do they have this hold on us still?

  • mail@cllennox.com'
    H
    May 6, 2018

    interested in Part 2
    Can’t post much here – concerned about ex’s lawyer tracking me

  • Cphoto86@hotmail.com'
    Christina
    May 6, 2018

    Yes, Mel I’m with you! I want to be able to feel the shifts in my subconscious. Thank for all you do!

  • jrwinn@dodo.com.au'
    JR
    May 6, 2018

    You mentioned the part where we withdraw and isolate ourselves. I am stick there and am unable to even want to trust anybody. Incredibly lonely but guaranteed safe. I’d like to be able to be open again, and to want to be. Thanks ☺

    • algonquinn88@gmail.comalgonqui'
      Janet
      May 6, 2018

      Trust issues are huge…not feeling safe…my one counsellor said to start listening to my body as that would get me out of my head…in any situation ask ‘am I safe’..if not get to a washroom or my car…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi JR,

      I really hope I can help you with this!

      Sending blessings and healing

      Mel 💖💕❤️

      • mtevista@aol.com'
        Kathy j
        May 7, 2018

        Hi Melanie

        I want to know how to live again in freedom

        I want to protect other women from a monster

    • alex.brittain1@gmail.com'
      Alex
      May 26, 2018

      Hi JR, I relate to this and though there have been changes I still find I cannot find the right people. The steps Melanie wrote in the article are stages I see unfolding at work with N supervisors. Really need to press on with module work.

  • corneliatupling@gmail.com'
    Ct
    May 6, 2018

    That is spot on. As above I do not dare to post as I suspect electronicsurveillance by hopefully soon to be expected.Thanks.

  • jaycal45@hotmail.com'
    Judith
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I too would like advice on handling smear campaigns and hope you cover a little of this in part two. Thanks for the great job you do!! xx

  • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
    Selkie
    May 6, 2018

    I am looking forward to part 2
    I feel that I cannot access the creative flow in my life.
    Everything seems to be compromised complicated difficult and even blocked.
    My husband had a knack for making magical things happen and now my life lacks zest although it is fine in other ways.
    I do have the modules and find them really helpful but I must have a belief that is holding me back .
    I have had to retype this as my original attemp didnt go through as my internet connection went down as I was sending it which is an example of my issues!

  • csapoeve@gmail.com'
    Eve
    May 6, 2018

    Thanks Mel. Looking forward to part 2.

  • Lisamarielopez65@gmail.com'
    Lisa
    May 6, 2018

    I am struggling with fears of ex narc continuing to tell lies to authorities and using the legal system against me. Going through divorce after 21year marriage with not being able to voice my concerns or opinions without bad things happening. My honesty and integrity have constantly been used against me. I struggle with the feeling that I do not have any right to live my truth. I don’t know how to speak up for myself to authority figures. I can’t wait for your next episode. Thank you for all you do!

  • drazdesign@gmail.com'
    Dani Raz
    May 6, 2018

    Hell YES! It’s time for this healing. I am constantly triggered, I need a way to be able to see myself and the person and qualities that I am. I have lost so much self-esteem from this and it’s my lack of cognitive linking that is keeping me stuck.

    Thank you I appreciate you and am definitely on the healing path to inner freedom and self-acceptance!

    • redbeetle05@gmail.com'
      Lauren
      May 7, 2018

      Your articles never cease to amaze me! Everything you say rings true of my narc upbringing and how, well into adulthood, my narc mother aged 92 is still trying to play mind games with my head and try to take control of my life. Once a narc always a narc. I am looking forward to Part 2 and how to totally get this abuse out of my body.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 7, 2018

        Hi Lauren,

        I’m pleased this was timely for you and I can’t wait to help.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • erickedwinsoares@gmail.com'
    Erick
    May 6, 2018

    i want to heal and shine without fear of shining

  • mpcat00@gmail.com'
    cat
    May 6, 2018

    I’m really looking forward to video 2. I feel stuck in a fear pattern when my ex implies I’m not looking after our child properly even though I know this is a tactic. I feel a deep sense of terror when I get those emails / texts and feel powerless in that moment.
    He actively manipulates our young child and suggests I am neglectful. I fear this is a strategy he is using to gain more contact with our child – either potentially planning to make false accusations against me or making our child emotionally dependent upon him. Feeling powerless!

  • imireneross@gmail.com'
    Irene
    May 6, 2018

    I am struggling with life after 8 months no contact with narc sister. The smear campaigns are one of my worst fears knowing I am not the person she says I am. I live with a constant fear that one day she will turn up on my doorstep and abuse me both verbally and physically. I can’t see my 92 year old mother because she lives with narc sister. My mother doesn’t have any of her children visit her as narc sister has fallen out with whole family. The situation is so bad narc sister is doing exactly same thing to her daughter and her husband and they have had a life of hell with her too. I can’t get on with my life as normal and feel I am getting worse by the day.

  • shellymongare@hotmail.com'
    Michèle
    May 6, 2018

    Yes. I would like to learn. My Ex aniallated me until I was unable to physically talk or read. His ultimate punishment was to then use my mental health against me and use this to get custody of my children who he alienated against me.I gave everything and lost everything.

  • thelotuspond08@yahoo.com.au'
    Tamara
    May 6, 2018

    This came at the right time for me. I am in the position of going through a shed full of my old stuff. Im finding lots of things that he stole from me, hid and would not let me have. It has been 8 years and I thought I would feel more than just neutral, as it made me stick in my stomach for some time until I had to release my material things. I realise how conditioned I was by him. With each old toothbrush, old lipstick and broken statue I throw into the bin, Im going to release myself from him forever. He has kept this stuff like a trophy, maybe to clone my dna someday. It’s so weird. Even my hair in little kids toy eggs. Now I have the power, as I take back what is mine, and part like it should of happened, if it was a decent relationship breakup. I hope that all this knowledge flows out to everyone of you, and the universe corrects the wrongs and you are provided with the sense of wellbeing, that you all are deserving of.

  • julesbrandes@gmail.com'
    Julianne
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you SO MUCH, Melanie, for being so dedicated to helping us. Even tho we are not alone in this experience, it FEELS so isolating to be so “stuck” in the brain and heart over a destructive person. I am also battling cigarettes, and whether you know it or not, you have been very motivating in that way also. I was always the “healthy, strong, independent gal” now I am chain smoking, home alone brooding over my powerlessness, nervous every time I leave the house. The narcissist is like a cigarette. You want to THINK that they relieve stress and make your life better, when in actuality, they are literally KILLING you. It is amazing how you speak with such clear articulation. It doesn’t appear as tho you are reading any script, just being a “channel” for a higher, angelic power that sincerely wants to help break us FREE. ❤️ Looking forward to Part 2 with all my heart, and please know what a powerful helper you are!

  • gabikiss98@gmail.com'
    Gabriella
    May 6, 2018

    Yes, I am interested. I have been involved in this painful non-relatonship for over 10 yrs. I lived on an island in Greece which is the only place i ever want to live but i had to leave and come back to hungary. I cannot accept that i have to shutter all my dreams just bc he’s there. But by now i’m only a shadow of what i used to be, barely surviving. I miss the island and sun and the sea and the lifestyle and have been trying to go back but my human relationships have gone off-track as well. All my life is ruined. I cannot make decisions or i have been making wrong decisions all through the years and i suffer. I have been running back and forth like a poisened mouse and escaping. I don’t know anymore how to live and am full of substitute activities. I lost all my self-respect self-love self-esteem. I let others take advantage of me repress me and take control over my life. I can’t live like this any longer.

  • sherswares@gmail.com'
    Sherry
    May 6, 2018

    Melanie, you are the only reason I keep working with “me”. I can’t thank you enough for the hope you and your healing program have given me. I feel your love which is the first love I’ve ever felt. Thank you and I’m looking forward to part 2. Sherry

  • piglet8791@yahoo.com'
    Cece
    May 6, 2018

    This video is really huge! Thank you!! Definitely worth investigating his topic. In addition to what you outline, my exN was/is very verbal. Some physical but mostly verbal. Close to bipolar ‘pressured-speech’. So the brainwashing was 24/7. He even spoke out in his sleep! Ok here are some of the beliefs used in the ‘verbal’ brainwashing in roughly sequential order over three years
    Before I left:
    1) I’m not caring
    2) I’m SO dumb (Most frequently used. When I internalised it, I took it not only to mean stupid but also ‘dumb and deaf’ as in silent)
    3) I don’t know how to love
    4) I am cold
    5) I am a witch
    6) I am an angel and the devil
    7) I am a poor little child
    8) I am ‘psycho’ (used two-three times at points when I was trying to leave)
    9) I am just like his (alcoholic, abusive) mother
    10) If I was more like his dad, work colleague (fill in the blank), I’d be better
    11) I am not clever
    12) I cannot cook, clean, touch ANYTHING in the house or car without “destroying”
    13) I am clutsy
    14) I cannot look after myself or him or even plants
    15) I cannot open the fridge door correctly or take on / off my shoes correctly
    16) I cannot dress correctly
    17) I cannot choose what to eat by myself
    18) I am a liar
    19) I am not sincere (my apologies means nothing)
    20) I’m not logical
    21) I’m too emotional / sensitive
    22) I’m not sensitive enough
    23) my love means nothing compared to his
    24) I am unfaithful “cheating” on him with colleagues, neighbors, even someone on the tele!

    …I think there’s more but this is the general daily playlist he had.

    I have left and now it’s more a mix of hoovering and massive guilt tripping, and child like voice / regression and tantrums.

    Thank you so much for this topic because as you say so with so without and he was mirroring my own beliefs about myself which got bigger and bigger as the relationship went on.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Wow Cece,

      I am so glad this is timely for you.

      I am sure a lot of people would relate to what you have shared and I can’t wait to share part 2 with you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • karenien13@hotmail.com'
    Karen
    May 6, 2018

    Yes please! for starters, forever grateful for all you do! Been married to one for 27 years and only after him dumping me for a 30 year old collegue (affair came out after 9 months) and ‘bumping into’ your work Mel, did I come to realize he’s an altruistic narc. Done quite a bit of healing through ur program and my life is coming together quite magically. Feel absolutely great when I’m on my own and moving forward. In a transitional phase of dismantling our life together at the moment and dreading the next 3 months, but really looking forward to the next chapter in my life. One of my issues is the coming to terms with the fact he’s a narc. Can see how emotionally unavailable we both were throughout our relationship (i’m definitely co-dependant, which I’ve only recently realised after the break up). I do believe all of this is happening because it’s supposed to. I can SEE all of it and have real faith in it being the right thing for all involved(me, him/her/the kids) but I’m still struggling! It’s really double… He says he really wants to remain friends and to me it does feel like I’m loosing my best friend and I’m really struggling with that. I do believe he is a narc and that makes me so sad. I think he hasn’t a clue about any of it and seems really confused too. We have two boys together so no contact isn’t an option. This morning I decided that I can’t do the ‘best friend’ thing, despite the fact I really would like to, because it’s all too painful and it does really bring me down.(and then your video appeared 🙂 they always show up in such a perfect way!!!) He can’t have it all (which is what he wants also so he doesn’t have to feel so bad about what he’s doing I think). He is really ‘sweet’ to me and is helping me and the boys move on financially and has offered his help in any way he can and I have seen nothing to the contrary yet (5 months into splitting up). So I’m confused. Really confused. He’s defo a narc yet doesn’t seem to be one. I want to stay friends, but can’t… I can’t wait for these 3 months to be over with and time has never moved so slow… Some help would be much appreciated and I’m sure that whatever you put in the video will be perfect. Thanks again Melanie. From the bottom of my heart. X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Karen,

      Absolutely that would be confusing, and for sure the A-narcissist can want to remain friends and it is very painful for the people they do that with.

      Honour your inner truth and know the more you release the reliances the more you create space for your True Self to shine through.

      You’ve got this Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • juliannad2013@gmail.com'
    Julianna
    May 6, 2018

    Yes! Part 2 is much needed. I feel like half of me is missing. But I’m hoping part 2 will enable me to reattach, so I can fully regain my self confidence, and self-assurance, starting my life again after 26 years of marriage.

  • Simone@boehning.net'
    Simone
    May 6, 2018

    Hello Melanie,

    I think toxic shame is also a huge topic here. Since I was never heard or seen as a child who grew up with a narcissistic Dad, I ‘m often ashamed to state my opinion, my wishes, my desires. I’m often worried about what other people might think about me or about what I said or did. How can we shift that awful toxic shame?

    Love, Simone

    • algonquinn88@gmail.com'
      Janet
      May 6, 2018

      I relate Simone as I was raised not being heard and being able to state thoughts/opinions…hence whey we are in this place now…I reached the point after 9 years where I no longer care if people like me or not..the ‘people pleaser’ has to die and that happens by taking your power back…it took me a long time to even know what that was…now someone would just have to look at me the wrong way and I will deal with them…co-dependents fear abandonment so put up with all levels of abuse…after 9 years i’m more angry with myself for all that I didn’t know…..listen to your body and not your body…our bodies never lie but we’re turned off early in childhood…so re-developing intuition is key…letting go of shame from childhood which was never about ourselves but was the tape of the parents is key..send all things back to the people who hurt us as it was never ours…shame is toxic in our world…standing up for self is key with a parent or a friend or a spouse….once the boundary is in place know that they will try to knock it down with shame but hold fast…it’s the wall we have to break through…I also began using shiatsu to release trauma along with emotional coding/removal of heart wall….certainly I found those who are the most heavily defended experienced a high degree od shame…for those of us not heard or allowed to voice our thoughts we have no tools to deal with narcs….i am glad my narc is out of my life although I am sad for our grown married daughter who is still trying to make sense of it all…narc wear masks and put on facades which makes your head spin…we have disowned anger and I learned it was okay to release it as we are human and have been hurt…you take care

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Simone,

      I totally agree with you shame is a biggie.

      Are you working with NARP? https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      The toxic shame, like all traumas, can be directly targeted and released out of your Inner Being with either Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module in NARP.

      There is also assistance and guidance available with this in the NARP forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕💕

    • mallen22@hotmail.com'
      Megan Allen
      May 8, 2018

      I agree. I believe shame has a large part to play in this. Brene Brown (a phd that studies shame) says that at the core, shame is the feeling that we are not worthy of connection. I feel that this feeling of not being worthy of connection is what can drive us to romantically connect with people who are low-functioning instead of high-functioning, as you say codependents often seem to be in the rest of our lives. We are often super solid with planning, parenting, money, and business… at least on the surface… although when we have a relationship that only makes sense if the #1 reason for it is connection, we falter – and we don’t feel worthy of receiving a healthy connection. Is there something different when the only “currency” in the relationship is connection? I think so, although I still feel like I might make wrong choices and I’m not interested in making the same exact mistakes – again. How on earth do we shift from feeling unworthy of romantic connection to being worthy of it?

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 8, 2018

        Hi Megan,

        I can only speak for me personally and for so many other people who I have worked with over the last decade … in regard to my opinion on this.

        Our attachement issues with others come from our lack of connection with ourselves and then trying to get others to provide that.

        As children if we were not allowed to develop as self loving and approving of ourselves, because the messages we received were that we were unworthy of connection, then we unconsciously connect with others who continue and play out more of these messages with us.

        The original shame compounds.

        How we heal this is to get to the root of the matter, target, release and replace these traumas of being wrong defective and not enough to be loved.

        Then they are healed … literally. We become organically self-loving and full and whole. We no longer cling to abusive people to try to get our inner peace and fullness. We are more effective in emotional honesty and negotiation to have our needs met. We are whole enough to walk away still being whole if people don’t have the desire or resources to meet us at a level of healthy relationship.

        The shame you talk about is the trauma that Quantumly can be healed now. We have the tools such as NARP to do it.

        The old paradigm of healing is to spend years, decades or a lifetime of trying to work it out and manage it. Now we can just get rid of it.

        To experience this for yourself Megan I’d love to invite you into my free webinar https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar

        I hope this explains, yet really it is something that just needs to be experienced as the somatic inner identity shift that it is.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • casting@sasharobertson.com'
    sash
    May 6, 2018

    I left over 3 years ago after 20 years. I have bene doing NARP and some days better than others but I am still so triggered by him. I try no contact but because of teenage children, there is often a reason why we speak or txt. His abuse towards me is worse than ever. There is not a shred left of the “nice’ side. It’s all out attack. I sometimes feel I’ll never be out of this hell. I now have a nice place to live and good friends and family and working better but at core I am still stuck. Have days where I miss him, or obsess still. I try not to engage but sometimes I do. I can’t move on somehow deep down. I can’t meet anyone else. Feel defective, lonely, scared. I still smoke too much. I dream of a life where i am not triggered by him in any way. I want to get back to me. I would like some advice on goal setting intentions. I tend just to do Model 1 shortened version and not the other modules (because they are so long) and wonder if this is affecting my progress.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Sash,

      Aww dear Lady yes truly it is so important to work through all the steps in NARP to dig out all the hooks that keep us enmeshed with narcissists and a target for them.

      It truly is a detox process that the ten modules address step by step.

      Can you go in with renewed commitment?

      Mel 🙏💕💕

  • ctl-_@tiscali.co.uk'
    Carmel Lynch
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Melanie, I am the youngest of 15 (catholic irish) and I didn’t even know that my mother was narcissistic until I had a relationship with a man which left me feel like my soul had been dragged through the gutter, punched, beaten, humiliated and then I found you …….. I now realise that half of my family are narcissistic and half co-dependent (father was co-dependent). I have been doing your quantum healing since Christmas and am still on Module 1 as each time I do it it’s like a tsunami of tears. It’s very painful but I understand that it is necessary in order to heal. I am getting better at not being a people pleaser, however, my boss is very narcissistic and try as i might I am unable to change my people pleasing ways with her. I am losing respect for her rapidly since I found our that I am co-dependent however as she is like a very difficult toddler and no matter what I do it is not enough. She enjoys it too – I can tell. I am scared I may loose my job as I have a mortgage, bills, etc. and a 17 year old daughter. I left my husband (narcissistic but not an extreme one) as I felt controlled, empty, ignored, unloved. I would really appreciate it and would love you to complete part 2 as I feel I could learn how to steer myself to deal with this difficult situation at work. Thank you for everything you do!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Carmel,

      Dear Lady first of all I really would love you to be in the NARP Forum for support and guidance regarding where you are at with Module work https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to check in with how often you are working Module 1 and whether to progress to Module 2 etc.

      I just really intuitively feel that added support would be great for you Carmel.

      I am looking forward to helping you with part 2 as well.

      Mel 🙏❤️💕

  • alexisglenn@hotmail.com'
    Alexis
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I love your work and thank you for all that you do. Your video Part I really hit home for me. I’ve been following you for years and think you and your work are amazing! Thank you! Yes, I would be very interestied in part two. I am still with my narc and having a hard time making a break. The deep-seeded misbeliefs I hold are the following:
    – I am not worthy, good enough, or attractive enough to deserve real love, somehow I have to earn love but no matter what I do it won’t be enough,
    – I feel responsible for his happiness (which no matter what I do he’s never happy anyway) and am loyal to a fault, I put his happiness above my own.
    – I have trouble making decisions for my life or even feeling I have the right or authority to make decisions for my life.
    -Lack of a feeling of personal power and feeling I don’t have the power or strength to leave and face the battle that will ensue after I leave.
    -Ferling like like I won’t be able to support myself financially on my own,

    I know deep down I’m a very strong person but am having trouble detaching. If any of the misguided subconscious beliefs I mentioned above can be incorporated in part 2 that would be great.Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Alexis,

      Thank you and so so hope my work can help.

      I’m looking forward to helping you with reprogramming these beliefs in part 2.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Dreisig30@gmail.com'
    Anne
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you Melanie – for all your work. I’m so far from stabil and fully functioning, but I’m better. I would like to know more of how to function in a family where my mother as a narc controles everything, lashes out are cruel and so on, but I would like to stay in contact with my father… how do one have healthy relationships, self grow and family with some in an unhealthy family pattern and environment?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Anne,

      It’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased you are better.

      Please google my name and the words ‘family’ and ‘narcissist’ as I have created some resources on this topic that may help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • CLAUDIABUCHWEITZ24@GMAIL.COM'
    Claudia
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Melanie – I’m very interested – it is just what is going on in my mind at the moment…..
    Thanks in advance for the next video – can’t wait!

  • karlene66@hotmail.com'
    kali
    May 6, 2018

    Investigated belief “i need permission’ -found past life trauma of arranged marriage and honour killing. cant believe how i shunned men i was attracted to and felt good with when i was younger only to fall into completely contriolling relationship, but now makes some kind of sense… i dont know how to be free even though my childhood was caring and nurturing and my parents at first glance tried to raise me as an educated, independant person. i really need help to go into this more.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Kali,

      Are you working with NARP to shift beliefs?

      It seems you have great knowledge and I’m interested to know if you are using a Quantum Tool to release the belief cellularly?

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • karlene66@hotmail.com'
        kali
        May 13, 2018

        hi Mel, i had that experience after watching some of your shifts happen videos, i am not working NARP , per se, but i have had experiences that affirm to me that there is truth and real healing in the methods you promote. i am about to watch part 2 of this one. . I feel a bit saturated with new information atm which is suddenly putting words to what i have felt for years, my understanding is growing, its like a pass the parcel being unwrapped layer by layer. but lots of fear to release before i can truly change my life. I have been in this relationship since i was 20 , i am 52 now… grrr never understood why /how i got myself into such a messy situation, i just survived, thriving still feels like a pipedream.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 14, 2018

          Hi Kali,

          Please do know the cognitive information can absolutely be overwhelming … because trying to heal logically and find ‘the way’ is difficult.

          Once we suspend all that and just release trauma from our body it becomes direct and effective and everything unfolds for us.

          I’d love you to consider coming into my free webinar https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Kali.

          Sending blessings and breakthrough.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • karlene66@hotmail.com'
            kali
            May 16, 2018

            yes i understand that the healing all needs to take place inwardly, quick question, are the times i see on the webinar page NZ time? and how long is a webinar?

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            May 16, 2018

            Hi Kali,

            That’s great that the inward healing resonates!

            I’m not sure which part of page you are referring to!

            Maybe email support@melanietoniaevans.com and someone can answer for you.

            The webinar is 3 hours in duration.

            I hope this helps.

            Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Foxysarah88@btinternet.com'
    Louise
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. You inspire me to keep on trying to heal from narcissistic life-long family relationships and a narcissistic therapist who further harmed me. I have lost myself and my confidence in life. Really looking forward to part II of this.

  • lmcbain@t-online.de'
    Lesley
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you Melanie, for all your love and understanding. It’s just incredible how spot on you are in describing the situation we have all been through. I have been seperated and divorced from my Ex for 5 years. I still can’t pick up the pieces of a shattered me. We have a daughter of 13 and I feel like a failure and have constant guilt of not being the mother she deserves. Anything simple like getting up late for work is conveyed to my ex- thru my daughter cos he calls her constantly on the mobile phone he bought for her. His comments are then so painful. My daughter will repeat them “any normal mother would be up and have breakfast ready you should think about that” . I am so terribly lonely and sad, have no self confidence or feeling of worth. I have retreated back out of every kind of social contact – I even hide and don’t answer the door to neighbours sometimes. They think I’m rude. I know I’m not. My Ex wlll even greet my neighbours when he comes to pick up our daughter. He tells them that I am mentally ill and he wants to help me but I refuse all help. I am sick of explaining to people that he is lying. I really need to stay focused on my NARP modules – this episode of Thriver TV is just in time for me – lookin forward to part 2 – this is so hard to deal with – thank you Melanie – you are precious

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Awwww Leslie sweetheart I am so pleased that Part 2 is coming for you too.

      Please know (and I know you do) the shift comes from the inside … the explaining won’t work – ever – the shift inside you will.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • poppyrons96@hotmail.com'
    Kylie
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you Melanie for all this information, married to a narcissist for 18 years, then several debilitating narc relationships since, i have been left a shell of who I really am, they have stolen all my confidence. I appreciate all the support and glad to know it’s not actually me that is defective, (as they try to make you feel you are), can’t wait for part 2 and to start the healing, very grateful for your help 🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Kylie,

      That is great you are ready to heal, I can’t wait to share part 2 with you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • 60lilac@gmail.com'
    LEE ANNE
    May 6, 2018

    DEAR MELANIE , Thank you for sharing your time ,insights and heart in order to help the rest of us on this healing journey. I AM INTERESTED IN PART TWO OF THIS SERIES AND WOULD LIKE TO HEAL THE SUBCONSCIOUS Programs to become my true empowered self. HAVING SELF CONFIDENCE , TRUST AND BELIEF IN ME , TO LIVE THE LIFE I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Lee Ann,

      Bless you and how wonderful you are ready to heal Dear Lady.

      I look forward to Part 2 with you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • christina_f111@hotmail.com'
    Christina
    May 6, 2018

    It’s mind-blowing to realise how many things I have in common with others who have experienced narcissists in their lives.
    I am so thankful and grateful to have discovered Melanie and Narp. It’s only the start of my recovery journey but I can already feel small differences in my Inner Being.
    I have recently separated from a narc and currently in the throes of a divorce.We have joint custody of our 2 children . I have fears of being a failure as a mum and not being strong enough for them or myself.They have witnessed the disrespect and put downs their whole lives..I come across as weak to them which is now apparent in their behaviour towards me especially when I get them back after they’ve spent time with him.
    Looking forward to video no. 2.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Christina,

      I agree it is mind blowing!

      That is great that you are going well and I know part 2 will definitely help even more.

      🙏💕❤️

      • kellyvaxxed@gmail.com'
        Kelly
        May 7, 2018

        Dear Christina, Melanie Tonia Evans and Every Special Commenter,

        Christina is spot on. Every comment feels like my life. MTE is an angel, a gem, as is every commenter on this site. It IS mind blowing the ubiquity of our plight. I too am most grateful for MTE, Narp and EVERY Special Commenter. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Being tethered to a narc is a hellish surrealism that “other people” DO NOT comprehend. I love Melanie Tonia Evans for many reasons but most of all because she has not forgotten whence she came.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 7, 2018

          Awww Kelly,

          We are all in this together dear Lady. So much love to you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sarahcraggs@tiscali.co.uk'
    Sarah
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you for part 1 – really useful, as always!

    Some of the beliefs I would like to shift in part II I have recently realised, as part of my healing, come from my parents/early life and were re-enforced by my ex Narc (over 20 years worth)

    They are around:
    1) ‘I am a very difficult person’ – if I have a view or opinion, disagree or stand up for myself both now and in the past ( I am a personal skills coach, so actually think I’m pretty skilled at raising issues in a calm, honest, assertive and non-confrontational manner) -however, my parents used to send me to my room and tell me how bad/naughty I was and would only speak to me again if I let the matter drop i.e. it was never discussed again or resolved in any way. My mother recently walked out on me herself (presumably now I am 53, she doubted I’d go to my room if she tried to send me!!!) when I very calmly gave her some feedback that I’d prefer she stopped repeatedly saying something which was upsetting me.
    My ex used to simply ‘lose it’ – lie, deny, blame, ignore, shout, bully etc…
    2) ‘I am too challenging to find love again’ – both my parents and ex have implied that I am too much hard work for any man to want to take me on (interestingly, no-one else – my son, friends etc think this and are appalled that I have been given this message – although deep down it does scare me – am I just a horrible person? I’ve certainly been made to feel so by these key influences in my life)
    3) Linked to the above – ‘I am not enough’, ‘I am not loveable’, ‘I’m not noticed/heard’, ‘I don’t matter’….

    I look forward to episode II
    Sarah x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Sarah,

      Thank you for your post, you have named and claimed these beliefs perfectly… and I can’t wait to work with you in Part 2!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sarahcraggs@tiscali.co.uk'
    Sarah
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Mel

    Some of the beliefs I would like to shift in part II I have recently realised, as part of my healing, come from my parents/early life and were re-enforced by my ex Narc (over 20 years worth)

    They are around:
    1) ‘I am a very difficult person’ – if I have a view or opinion, disagree or stand up for myself both now and in the past ( I am a personal skills coach, so actually think I’m pretty skilled at raising issues in a calm, honest, assertive and non-confrontational manner) -however, my parents used to send me to my room and tell me how bad/naughty I was and would only speak to me again if I let the matter drop i.e. it was never discussed again or resolved in any way. My mother recently walked out on me herself (presumably now I am 53, she doubted I’d go to my room if she tried to send me!!!) when I very calmly gave her some feedback that I’d prefer she stopped repeatedly saying something which was upsetting me.
    My ex used to simply ‘lose it’ – lie, deny, blame, ignore, shout, bully etc…
    2) ‘I am too challenging to find love again’ – both my parents and ex have implied that I am too much hard work for any man to want to take me on (interestingly, no-one else – my son, friends etc think this and are appalled that I have been given this message – although deep down it does scare me – am I just a horrible person? I’ve certainly been made to feel so by these key influences in my life)
    3) Linked to the above – ‘I am not enough’, ‘I am not loveable’, ‘I’m not noticed/heard’, ‘I don’t matter’….

    I look forward to episode II
    Sarah x

  • milicama09@gmail.com'
    Sandra
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    thank you for recording this amazing video and a big thanks for offering us transcript of the show. It is amazing to see how well you understand and remember all the details of abusive experience even though you’ve healed it all. Can’t wait for the part 2 and if I can just add one more thing – losing social skills and ability to connect with people is also a very big problem for some survivors, so I would love to hear your opinion on restoring that.
    Much love xo

  • Afitchick2000@yahoo.com'
    Cindy Colby
    May 6, 2018

    I was told as a child not to be a bother. I am so aware of being a bother that it is a target in my inner being for naccisiric supply. I have gone through inner healing as a Christian for this and I am doing Dr. Caroline Leaf’s brain detox which are both amazing but it is still there! I think I am a bother! My husband adds me to his nice holidays, fine dining and his experiences and it is like a drug addiction for me to get to share in his life. I have somehow lost mine.

  • Davidwillis69@bigpond.com'
    Davis Willis
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Mel

    I made it to Indonesia. Now doing my 55 day yoga teacher training which alongside your programme, digging deep, I feel some great shift and momentum forward.

    Thank you so much for your 1 on 1 session before I left, I feel it helped tremendously. For anyone interested it is well worth it.

    My suggestion for part 2 would be to perhaps provide a list of the most common limiting beliefs, childhood traumas etc so that those in real pain, and searching within (as I have been) can align your list alongside their own feelings and see if it resonates.

    I know watching most of your videos and examples you gave has helped but having them in one place I think would be extremely beneficial.

    Dave @ Byron Bay

    • Shulygur@hmail.com'
      Shuly gurfinkel
      May 6, 2018

      I need help so badly … I am divorced for 3 years… I can’t get out of my sadness… alianated from my kids… moved to Florida from ny … to disconnect… but I am so lonely and sad … I am dying …
      😥

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 6, 2018

        Awww Shuly,

        Please feel a big hug. I soo want to help you with part 2.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Iamlisa1964@gmail.com'
        Lisa martinez
        May 7, 2018

        What part of Florida? I live in Tampa/ St Pete. If your close we could get coffee

  • jmulberry@yahoo.com'
    Spring
    May 6, 2018

    Wow am I ready for this….I feel as if I have no idea who I am and how to pursue my own life. Married to and worked for a narc for almost 17 years. When I began work on certification for a new occupation (out of health care and into teaching), and treated myself to a mommy-make-over after 5 children (my two youngest with him) those the last straws for him. He actually cited these as reasons why he “didnt knwo who I was anymore and wanted a divorce.” For the past 17 years my dreams were only his, where we traveled were only his, I worked my fingers to the bone, raised the kids without help and managed the entire household with no help. I know now that he had several affairs during our marriage – most with staff I had hired for the healthcare agencies and other businesses we managed. I literally walked on egg shells for all of that time, and now I am feeling kind of lost. I am very intelligent, not bad to look at, reliable, honest and loyal. Stark contradictions to the narc’s personality. I have been told I am an empath – hence my occupational choices – and I do recognize this, but I refuse to think that my caring personality must be changed in order to go on. It is just 3 months out of the divorce and I am struggling financially while he has the two homes, 3 business properties and all the businesses we started because he kept them in his mother’s name! I don’t want a pity party but I gladly appreciate the support and connection with those that are the only ones able to understand all of this craziness. He is now in a relationship with our daughter’s best-friends mother, who he has working for him and she is anxious to move into my former beautiful homes. The kids are a reck and I am trying to maintain as best I can. I look forward to healing.

  • myrtofoto@gmail.com'
    myrto
    May 6, 2018

    Thank you Melanie!
    It is really helpful.
    So difficult though.
    Still foggy after six months.
    It was me and only me, who was showing an inner fog,
    Who would’t step on that?

    I’m following you with great fullness!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Myrto,

      You are very welcome.

      Sending blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • shellann18@yahoo.com'
    Michelle Bodnar
    May 6, 2018

    Amazing. This information is amazing. Just hearing it all laid in this way is healing in that it validates my entire 20-year existence with the narcissist when I was made to feel defective, crazy, worthless and devalued. Which in turn kept me jumping through the ever-changing hoop to try and make the narcissistic partner happy in order to seek and feel validation, love and value. Those feelings obviously never came from the narcissist no matter what I did. To my credit, I eventually stopped trying to please the narcissist and instead focused on parenting and raising our young children. That’s when the real devaluing happened which absolutely destroyed what little was left of my mental and emotional health and led to the final discard.

    Your videos have helped peel back all these narcissistic-created layers and I can start to reconnect with all the parts of myself, my relationships, and my values that I had abandoned in order to make my relationship with the narcissist “work”.

    The flip side to healing from narcissistic abuse is no one sees it, no one knows what you’ve been through, your friends don’t “get it”, most counselors don’t understand it; everyone sees the narcissist”s false self and can’t see the abuse that happens when no one is around. And when you try and talk about it, you’re met with disbelief because they can’t reconcile the false self that is projected for all to see (social media helps tremendously to market the false self) with the things you are saying you experience at the hands of the narcissist therefore you continue to feel crazy, flawed and defective. It must be me if no one else sees or understands my experience.

    So thank you for your work. It is soul-changing!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Michelle,

      I am so pleased my work helps you and validates your experience.

      Wishing you incredible healing and breakthrough. It’s your time.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • jude.poynter@hotmail.com'
        Judy
        May 7, 2018

        Thank you from the bottom of my heart Mel for using your experiences and understandings to help us all so profoundly. This is lifesaving work that you are doing. Every time I feel like I can’t go on, I watch one of your videos. Whilst I’m three years out of the relationship I continue to feel broken and adrift … your healing words give me hope for a better life. 🌻x

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 8, 2018

          Hi Judy,

          Please know you are so welcome.

          Judy I would do love you to know that informational healing is one thing but it is really only a supplement that we do need over and over again to manage the trauma if we are not doing the inner transformational work on it.

          The truth really is that we have to go within and heal because then there is no trauma left to manage.

          I’d love you to consider coming into my free webinar https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to look st that process deeply.

          Time doesnt heal narcissist abuse, our inner purposeful transformation does.

          I hope this helps.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • jude.poynter@hotmail.com'
      Judy
      May 7, 2018

      So perfectly expressed Michelle. What you have said here echoes my experience to a “T”!

  • Cmarshstudio@gmail.com'
    Cynthia
    May 6, 2018

    after living with my husband (an alcoholic) for 20 years, married for 18, he left 7 months ago and moved in with one of my closest friends, (who is also my 15 yr old daughters mentor). I have been shocked to find myself in such fear, depression and PTSD. The verbal abuse was constant for at least 8 yeas, the distance/ disinterest in my life seemed to be always there. Anyway, I’ve worked but as an artist and self employed and unable to support myself. It seems every time I was focused and headed in a positive direction with opportunities, I was sent into a tailspin as a result of being told terrible things about how much he can’t stand me etc. etc.

    I want nothing more than to be self sufficient, but as a result of years of self employment and my age (57) it seems impossible to find anything. He is kicking me out of the house we moved into a year ago. We meet with the judge for the first time tomorrow re: the divorce. My hope is to no longer get triggered, to stop with panic attacts, and to get a great job.

    He has also swayed my daughter’s opinion of me, and that is another very painful thing to deal with.

    I did your free online healing and it was very powerful. I need to continue on with this inner work. Specifically at this critical time, I need to get a job.

    Thank you. Your work is so important. I’m very grateful to have discovered you Melanie.

    Cynthia

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2018

      Hi Cynthia,

      Please know there is a way through and it absolutely is the inner work.

      This incredible community is here to help support your journey and you can do this.

      There is nothing else to do.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien
    May 6, 2018

    Hi Melanie, yes of course I want to do this painful inner change/ shift with you . I did nothing but cry after reading this …remembering your words from previous posts but now much feeling it .! Autssjsss 🙁 .
    hidden parts are coming up now about why I behave like I do now of whatever has happened( and past familylifesI know about) I am not even aware of anymore.! And I thought I had found out so much allready…but now by feeling your words things coming up are showing the top of the real hidden iceberg .All of a sudden another veil is about to get lift up. Seems endless …
    Yes thank you if you want to help US
    Boudewien. ❤

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien
    May 6, 2018

    I forgot to mention the main subject I would Like to change a.s.a.p. …OMG….When I go inwards it’ s so much I cant even find a single subject.
    well maybe The feeling not being good enough , fear of failure. Lack of selfrespect &selfworth….the list ….. can go on but Well thuis comes up first.
    Thank you much . all there.
    xxx
    Boudewien

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Boudewien,

      I will endeavour that part 2 can help you with this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • pauline.burke68@gmail.com'
    Pauline Margaret Burke
    May 7, 2018

    So much thanks again Mel 💚💚💚. I am struggling so much right now with my son, who has been manipulated and doesn’t want contact with me. I feel his pain, but I know intuitively that it’s time to put those boundaries in place please could you help those of us who fear that speaking our soul truth will mean losing our children forever. Much love. Xxx Pauline

  • Evil.vet.mom@comcast.net'
    Linda Rose
    May 7, 2018

    Hi, Melanie,
    I am definitely interested in Part 2. One and possibly both of my parents were narcissists, and I’ve had many others (husband, lover, boss, friend) in my life since leaving my parents home. I am now retired, single and living alone, working to build a new life for myself. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last 30 years, and am getting tremendous benefit from your healing methods. Bring it on!

  • leftymagoo52@gmail.com'
    Roger
    May 7, 2018

    Yeah,Mel
    I have been a NARPer for 5 months now and even though I realize that you try to address both men and women suffering with/from narcissistic abuse sooo many online email responses come from woman and not men. I do find your NARP program to be effective. However, as you often say, this is a life’s work in progress. It’s ” never over and it’s never done”. Recovery from narcissistic abuse continues only as long as we’re willing to do the work required to heal ourselves, with your help. Thanks for your energy and enthusiasm for you DO make a difference!!

  • ball-kim@att.net'
    Kimerlea Ball
    May 7, 2018

    I think your video was the Universe’s way of letting me know I hear you and I see you! What you described in this video is exactly what I’m struggling with now and have been held back by my whole life. You tapped right into the core of it. It’s hard to get into a state of deservedness and believing in possibility when I’m living inside of these feelings states. Can’t wait for part 2!

  • icisheed@hotmail.com'
    EC
    May 7, 2018

    Growing up in a Narc household, now almost a senior citizen, the conviction that I am unlovable seems inextricable. Where I’m at now with incorporating NARP lessons into my daily life is noticing the moments when I begin to mirror rejection by others by rejecting myself and to counter that by loving that part of myself that is being targeted. Sometimes it is a physical sensation to love a part of myself that has been abandoned for 55 years. These little steps are wonderful and are making my life so rich and rejuvenated. But the concept of expecting someone else to participate in this love of me is like another galaxy. Terrifying, makes me feel ridiculous. I’m afraid that it will be a huge fight and end with me being shown how wrong I was to even try.
    Much love to you for all the hope you’ve given me Melanie.

  • monicaturby@gmail.com'
    Melt
    May 7, 2018

    What you just described in these steps, identifies every feeling I have experienced throughout my life time and the behaviors of parental narcissism. I still experience so much sadness and grief that I put so much trust and power in those that should have had my best interest at heart. Melanie you have un wrapped something inside me that refuses not to shine. Thank you for all that you do to help us heal.

  • sandytidmore@gmail.com'
    Sandy
    May 7, 2018

    Thank you. ” Having the rug pulled out from under me” is exactly how I have described my situation in the past 2 years.

  • cberrey55@gmail.com'
    Connie
    May 7, 2018

    Thank you Melanie.
    Although I have not been able to go no contact, I keep reading your information knowing that I should and hopefully soon be able to go this way. I have been married 40 years and things got so bad that past 5.

    He behaves so badly,then is so remorseful, I keep going back.
    I do have my own apartment and he is still in our house of 18 years.we have 3 grown children who all live very far away, are doing pretty well until dad attacks them for not doing enough for him via txt or emails.

    He did try suicide 5 yrs ago, and because of his temperament, no one knew how to respond, and was not there for him, which he still now claims he will never get over and continually brings up all the things I, the children, and everyone else has done to him. He says “I am reacting to what everyone else has done to me”.

    I have always loved my husband, looking back on raising our children, can see now some of his narcissic tendencies, but didn’t recognize then.

    I don’t think he will ever change now and that it should be over, but I can’t let go and leave him completely. Although I don’t feel the same.

    Each time things start getting better, and we are spending more time together, something happens and all the awfulness comes right back.

    SO MUCH PAIN!
    Thank you for your kind loving understanding. I keep trying.
    Now 60 years old, so hard to change!
    Love to you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Connie,

      Absolutely Dear Lady that would be intensely painful.

      Unless someone does take personal responsibility to heal and stops blaming others there is zero ability for them to change.

      Connie without exception all of our ‘sticking points’ that kept us attached to narcissists are to do with the deep subconscious wounds that possibly are impervious to informational healing. They often don’t until we tackle them with inner identity healing – which is what Part 2 is about.

      It truly is key …. when we heal the reasons why we can’t do what we need to do … then we can do it.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rebecca@rebeccaannray.com'
    Rebecca
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Melaniie, I have let go and gone no contact but the pain and obsession are still so difficult. I’m not the pretty, young thing I used to be so even though I know there’s life out there, I feel broken so it looks bleak. What I want to change is my outlook, bring back my self confidence and find a way to feel re-connected with the “stream of life”, as it is sometimes called. I know I’m terribly Codependent and I’m watching videos about healing that problem.

    Thank you for being here for all of us and dedicating your time to helping us all heal and thrive.

    Sincerely, Rebecca

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Rebecca,

      I hear you and please know when we do heal from the inside out, without exception we become the most radiant and magnetic we have ever been. All of that will come back for you … it really will Dear Lady.

      Part 2 will help you and also I’d live you to consider asap joining me in my free webinar https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because there is instant power and relief in there for you too.

      It will help you so much.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    May 7, 2018

    Dear Mel

    This is exactly the work I am needing to focus on now. Grateful you are covering it and look forward to the part 2 for more support. I am six months NC and fully free from most recent Narc. However after a lifetime of Narc relationships I really need to learn to start from scratch and be able to articulate my dreams and wishes to be able to then manifest them. It is so foreign to me to have freedom from this pattern that I am slowly heaving myself out of old patterns in to new ways of approaching the world. It feels slow because I am so exhausted and adrenal fatigued that I can’t work quickly on anything! I am hoping that once I have navigated and turned the wheel of the direction of my life in a more confident way that I will start to experience more ease and joy and momentum will keep things going – but it does feel mighty confusing and uncertain at times. Hesitant to make bold choices and decisions in case they are they wrong decisions. I feel both my child and I have little confidence in my choices due to previous choices.

    Best wishes
    Sophie X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Sophie,

      That is great that you want to rebuild you and your life.

      The key absolutely is finding and releasing our trauma from within us because that then makes the space for a completely different us and life.

      I’m looking forward to sharing part 2 with you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • erica.stempa@gmail.com'
    EMW
    May 7, 2018

    Thanks for this opportunity to influence part 2 of this episode – the belief I want to change. Part 1 of this episode resonated as it relates to my work on module 10 yesterday after a long time of just intending to do the work – instead of actually doing it. Narp helped me to break with a narcissist a couple of years ago by opening my eyes to the fact that this exists in the world. It explained to me why many of my relationships, including a 24 year marriage, did not follow the romantic pattern I had thought was a given if I could just do it right, just find the key etc. This episode mirrored what came up for me in many Narp modules – I’m not heard, I’m dimmed, I’m defective and invisible. And then being brought up short as I start tentatively to believe the words of the modules (it’s my right to be free, safe, life loves and supports me etc). A feeling inside me jerks my leash and says NO, you are not any those things, you are not one of these people and never will be. You can’t overcome this insurmountable truth, this obstacle, stop kidding yourself. THAT is my belief. So ingrained that even after doing a lot of work this sinking realisation hurls me back to believing I’m not like others, I’m too defective even for Narp. There is no-one telling me this now. The narc has been gone for a couple of years, my ex-husband died a few years ago, my parents are also dead. I have no contact with my sister (who I realise must be a narcissist too). None of my children live with me. I am independent, live alone and take orders only from myself. So how do I break free from my internal “truth”? This brick wall I keep bashing up against.
    Love to all of you
    EMW

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi EMW,

      Thank you for sharing this and putting it out there. Absolutely we will be looking at resistant beliefs and blocks in part 2.

      Also I really would love you to be in the Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member reaching out for support and coaching to help you breakthrough.

      That can assist immeasurably.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Iamlisa1964@gmail.com'
    Lisa martinez
    May 7, 2018

    Yes I am interested in part 2. My emotions come in waves. I’m officially divorce from narc #2. Thankfully that was only 3 yrs vs #1 was 26yrs. But I feel #2 has caused way more emotional damage. I still battle if I am the narc although I’ve taken your self tests and know I’m not. The biggest reason I feel this way is bc he has gone no contact even as we are in final dispursement of our marital assets. The latest knife in the heart was him stating he would not see me or discuss anything with me for the closing of our property. Again it’s waves— one hand knows he’s not right and I am seeing his control and manipulation and anger bc I called him out but the other remembers how blissful it was for that 1st yr!!!! I am so ready to heal and move forward and find true companionship for my life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Lisa,

      That is wonderful you are ready to heal and I know part 2 can help you so much.

      Please know no matter how damaged we may feel or even behave if we find and release our inner traumas and painful beliefs we get well … and so does our life.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Lisaphish@aol.com'
    Lilac
    May 7, 2018

    Hello Melanie,

    Thank you for your work and all that you do to help people. I have been working with NARP and experiencing great changes. There are still things that trigger me, though, and I once again have found myself in an unhealthy situation w/a narcissist or BPD person. The situation is temporary and I will not have to deal with this person again in a couple of months.

    Some issues that I still need to address are not being heard, feeling like I don’t have a voice or can’t/shouldn’t speak up, being attacked when I do speak up, fear of being attacked again and again by the narcissist. If you can address any of these things in Part II, That would be most helpful.

    ❤️💐🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Lilac,

      That is great you are working with NARP and making progress.

      Definitely we will be looking at these things in Part 2.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • p.j.godfrey@hotmail.com'
    P J
    May 7, 2018

    I’ve left him, but I’m stuck. I know I’m still quite vulnerable to him as we start separation agreements. Even without these, I am struggling. This would be so helpful.
    I try to embrace my inner-child and have committed to never again letting her be hurt or abused or abandoning her gain, but I’m not sure how to move froward. It’s as if he’s still in my head and pressing the replay button.
    I have experienced some peace, but it’s a swing with sadness at the other end.

    • p.j.godfrey@hotmail.com'
      PJ
      May 7, 2018

      Can you please erase my last name off the comment above? I

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Awww Jane,

      I am so looking forward to helping you with Part 2.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rippdogco@yahoo.com'
    Mari
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’m not where some of the others are because I have been away from the covert narc about 4 years now. I realized something was really wrong whenever I realized I was saying and doing things to others I didn’t agree with subconsciously. In other words I was becoming like him toward others and I felt I am not a mean, or spiteful person, but with his encouragement I was that person. I did a lot of healing and reading, your program is on the same page as what I was doing. I have your modules and I know this will help the blocks and remove this mean personally he transformed me into. I would like to know what to do when your own personality switches and says or behaves in a way you hate yourself for? When narcs live through us they have us do their dirty work, and I hated it, but did what he wanted me to do. I’m afraid that I’m going to slip and become something I’m not when I’m out and about and with friends. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Mari,

      Please know Dear Lady most of us did take on feeling and behaviours and ways that were toxic or nasty to some degree.

      All of that is addressed in NARP by feeling into and releasing the trauma about that.

      You can use Module One to target that stuff, load it up, release it and replace it. Then it heals.

      Please know it is no more complicated than that. Also consider being in the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to help get coaching with NARP any time you are in need.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mebefox1627@gmail.com'
    Connie Fox
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’m excited for part 2! I do believe in those 3 words…”change your beliefs”.

    I would like to change my belief in who I thought he was. After 30 years of believing he was someone else.

    Thank you as always for what you are doing for me!! Helping me realize that I’m not the crazy one. I’m actually a happy person!!! Until your next video…..I’ll continue on my NARP journey.

    Have the best day😘,
    Connie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Connie,

      ‘Change your beliefs’ is the golden egg!

      Looking forward to being with you in Part 2.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mebefox1627@gmail.com'
    Connie
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I’m excited for part 2! I do believe in those 3 words…”change your beliefs”.

    I would like to change my belief in who I thought he was. After 30 years of believing he was someone else.

    Thank you as always for what you are doing for me!! Helping me realize that I’m not the crazy one. I’m actually a happy person!!! Until your next video…..I’ll continue on my NARP journey.

    Have the best day😘,
    Connie

  • amypacyon@icloud.com'
    Amy
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I love this episode and I am so looking forward to the next one. Your last episode on healing our traumas in relation to our children was incredibly helpful and it gave me so much awareness of where I needed to shift and I believe the next episode will be incredibly powerful. The N is taking me back to court in a few weeks and it is my mission to show up solid and whole so that he will never take me back to court.

    Lots of love 💕
    Amy

  • avictoriavt@gmail.com'
    Amy Morneault
    May 7, 2018

    Thank you, Melanie.

    Yes. I’d like to hear/participate in Part II. Looking forward to it.

    Amy

  • avictoriavt@gmail.com'
    Amy Morneault
    May 7, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Hearing and responding to the second part of your instructions-
    What would be helpful to heal-
    The floundering, sense of who I am. I used to know.
    Not being able to recapture goals and dreams. I was never without them before this relationship. They drove my life. I don’t have any anymore.
    I feel like I am adrift with no internal compass.
    Unable to feel joy, or excitement for life. I just don’t care about much anymore. This is not who I am. The memory, at least, of who I am. Which is moving farther and farther into the past.
    It is, in fact, a frightening feeling.
    While I feel I’ve healed a great deal with and through NARP, I am having difficulty reestablishing a connection to my own identity and purpose, as described above.
    It sounds like you know this phase of the struggle well, and I am very much looking forward to healing and moving through this deadly calm, if this were a sailing journey.

    Many thanks, Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Awww gosh Amy,

      I soooo does know what that one was.

      I will do my best to address this in part 2 I’d love to help you with this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mblocke66@gmail.com'
    Mary Beth Locke
    May 7, 2018

    Melanie, thank you! I always learn so much and am encouraged by your videos.

    Today I let my husband of 21 years know that I’m filing for divorce.

    The thing I am really struggling with is leadership in my church not understanding why I need to divorce him. They hear what I’m saying then believe him when he counters what I’ve said. I just can’t believe they think it’s a good idea for me to sit down (once again) with my abuser to try to come to a meeting of the minds. I keep telling them he can’t hear me! I think I’m getting through and next thing I know they are convinced by him that he’s changed. So frustrating!

    Anyway, looking forward to Part II. I would like tools to equip me to let go of what others think of me, my decisions, etc.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Mery Beth,

      Awww you poor thing. Goodness I so hope I can empower you to follow your truth and heart.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Beckeringsue@hotmail.com'
    Sue
    May 7, 2018

    I’d like to shift the belief that I can’t make enough money to thrive because of lingering fatigue and anxiety from abuse and decades of caregiving.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Sue,

      Thank you for sharing what you would like help with Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • maniclas@yahoo.com'
    MaryAnn
    May 7, 2018

    Melanie,
    You are speaking my life with the narcissist! The whole aspect of making myself small resounds with me. For me, at the base is shame, which my daughter’s father played upon. So, I think working on rooting out shame would be very helpful for me…I hope it would be for others too!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi MaryAnn,

      Absolutely it is an important one to cover – thank you for your comment!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nedalodato@gmail.com'
    Neda Lodato
    May 7, 2018

    It has been three months since I moved out from his parents house basement apartment in MA back to Long Island where I belong. I was married to this man for six years. I only talked to him once since I moved out and I told him I hope to never speak to him again. I am getting my life back. I started dreaming again and making future plans. I feel like I am on the mission to get my life back and nobody can stop me. There is still much work to do but I am not letting anybody or anything to stop me.
    Lately, I Have been feeling very angry about him. Even to the point where I wish him ill. I want him to be destroyed for what he did to me and my daughters. I know the key is to forgive and let the universe to take care of it but I just can’t do that! Will my anger toward him ever go away? Should I module more on the forgiveness?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Neda,

      Forgiveness is a biggie and as you said do essential for our freedom.

      If you google my name + forgiveness you will see I have created a number of resources on it that will help.

      Most definitely Moduling will help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Rjoran@yahoo.com'
    Raya
    May 7, 2018

    Want to move ahead in my life after narc parent
    Invalidated and gaslighted me I was diagnosed with mental illness that turned out to not be true
    Now married to man similar to that parent but seems he’s not doing it out of manipulative ness but because he can’t. But it still hurts.
    Want to stand solid on my own two feet and express my gifts and share with world like you do. I’m so grateful for you and that you didn’t give up. I’m not giving up but this isn’t living it’s just existing

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 7, 2018

      Hi Raya,

      I so hear you and want to help you.

      Don’t give up because is breakthrough is totally possible. I would love you to consider coming in to my free webinar to start getting Quantum relief and healing https://www.melanietoniaevsns.com/freewebinar

      Please know you are going to make it.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kais1@sbcglobal.net'
    Sandy Kaiser
    May 7, 2018

    As I shift and change and feel better about myself, the person who is attempting to keep me down is getting worse and it is so obvious. I think I may have one or more narc’s in my life. Many of them have dropped out of my life since I have made small shifts. It has become obvious to me that almost all of my relationships were unhealthy to a degree. I gave and people pleased like a dog. There was a pattern to most of the relationships that i was in. I was a ” false’ self who attracted all kinds of people who used and abused me in one way or another. As I accepted the fact that no other human being could or would fill my ” love void” and it was proven over and over that there is a real and loving God that is helping me. It is not a coincidence that I opened and read this information tonight from you. It is the help that I needed: right now because i suspect that I may have sunk into a low and depressed state in reaction to someone very close to me who is very twisted. The most evil tactic of any control freak is threatening to ruin the love and relationship that I have with my adult children because they are precious to me. I do not care about money etc. but I am willing to die for them and give up everything for them as long as their hearts and spirits are not broken by dark energy and lies.

    • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
      Angelique
      May 8, 2018

      Hi Sandy! My heart goes out to you. I also found that almost all my relationships were on the codependent mode and as I learn to put up boundaries there is not not many people left. I also turned to my higher self/God/spirit guides whatever you want to call it and it is helping tremendously. My ex narc has turned both my grown up children against me and they were abusive like him (that’s what they had learnt) but I refused to go along with it and they didn’t speak to me for years. One still doesn’t but the other one came back and our relationship is very different now and great. I felt as a mother it was worth teaching them it is not how you treat people even if it meant losing them. It takes a whole lot of love. Children who have grown up with a narc parent are damaged there’s no getting around that and again as a mother I feel it’s crucial to get healed and solid in yourself so they have at least one parent to turn to whenever they chose to and are not stock between an abuser and a wreck which is horrendous for them and means no one is truly there for them. I wish you all the best and continued healing and connection with God. I cannot recommend Melanie’s stuff enough, it probably saved my life for a start and then put it on a completely different path of light and true unshakeable happiness and peace no matter what happens. Much love to you.

  • earthdev.2048@gmail.com'
    Janette Crawford
    May 7, 2018

    It’s painful to listen as you so accurately described the dynamics of entrapment with a Narcissist. I made the mistake of taking one back into my life, thinking that he had grown & developed through some cathartic exoeriences of his own. He was the best he has ever been for about two & a half years, until the old insidious patterns began to creep back in. Intimate conversations with other women behind my back, guarding his I Pad with his life when I was trying to show him how to do something on it, disappearing for a whole week & refusing to answer my calls & messages. Then finally pulling the rug from under me by telling me that I had hurt him badly by being hyper critical ! Ha ha . I ended it at this point as I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same about me as I feel about them & I certainly don’t want to be with some one who is isnt committed to or faithful to me. There is no loyalty or commitment available in a relationship with a NPD person, it’s a complete farce from start to finish with them.
    Yes I feel left with very low self esteem, self confidence & what drew me to read your article was the title, I feel defective & unlovable, it’s horrible because I know that I’m fundamentally a decent person, yet I feel infected by the cynicism & calculated coldness that I’ve been exposed to, it’s crept into my own consciousness like a virus & I really want to get better & have the happy life & the healthy relationships that I know I deserve. There is also a sense of completely unrealized potential in my life as I have suffered from Narcissistic abuse since my childhood. My first husband was narcissistic & possibly on the autistic spectrum & I was too young to realize that he was disordered, it affected me so badly that had mental health issues. Then I met partner number two & was with him on & off, on a rollercoaster to nowhere for almost 25 years. It looks like I will have to claim a half share in the house that was bought when we reunited three & a half years ago & he is trying & succeeding in making me feel guilty for needing to do this & is now avoiding the issue & being uncooperative in dealing with the consequences of the break up, blaming me for objecting to his neglect & emotional abuse, rather than accepting accountability for destroying the relationship with his own amorality. I need all the help I can get to get out, stay out & to grow & thrive again, to offer my own gifted ness to the world. I also want to help at least a few of the many thousands of people who have been subjected to what is an epidemic of narcissism in our world today. Thank you Melanie for all that you are & all that you are doing. Love & hugs xxx

  • cchisalita@gmail.com'
    Cristina
    May 7, 2018

    Dear Melanie,

    I think it is great you will do this work with us. We were in contact some time ago on another blog where I put forward my situation, married with a narcissist for 15 years and suffering a horrible, totally destroying 5-year discard. I started with the NARP program and very happy I found you.
    Indeed, one of our biggest problems is that we lead our lives on automatic pilot, and the beliefs system needs to change if we want to change. There are interesting sources in this field, to name some: Louise Hay and Joe Dispenza. I like especially the work of Joe, one of his books ‘Breaking the habit of being yourself”. But these are more “general” books and I like that your work is precisely focused on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
    What I personally noticed is that, even if I was able to let go of the expectation that the narcissist (my ex-husband) will ever understand me or be compassionate or simply not wanting to destroy me if I disagree with him, I see myself sometimes thinking about the past, missing the good times, the incredible feeling of love (in the love bombing phase), the feeling of being safe and protected from the world by him. Sometimes when I see him (because we share the custody of the two kids), I have a set back and I feel pain, thinking how is it possible that he left me in such a horrible way.

    For your part 2 my input would be: the beliefs that I would need to work on: not being worthy, not being interesting enough as a person, people leaving me because I am not good enough, when I do not think I am that bad.
    The problem is that I generalise these at other people: one friend who is not in contact as much as before (I interpret that she left me because I am too destroyed and not interesting anymore); at my work, where I reintegrate after 8 months of sick leave (I was incredibly sick, almost dying because of too much activation of the sympatic nervous system) and I get very simple tasks which make me feel that they do not appreciate me anymore (when they only want to prevent me from having more stress). I even asked my present boyfriend many times (the most loving, supporting person, a “nerd”, who helped me enormously in the 8 months I was sick, taking care of me and the kids), “why do you stay with me?”, because I cannot believe he can really like me, although I know! he does.. a lot…
    another issue is that I do not feel whole, although it is getting better. I try to rebuild my life, but I am not yet there, I still feel joy just in pieces (eg. when I am with my kids), I still feel the need to cover the emptiness I feel inside, with relationships, with people. This got me in the first place in the arms of the narcissist :-(((.
    I realise it is not ok to think like that, I interpret every situation through my defective beliefs but…I still do it. Therefore, this work will be very valuable.

    Looking forward to it,
    Lots of love,
    Cristina

  • dbfolkert@gmail.com'
    Donna Folkert
    May 7, 2018

    All – It is good to know I am not alone and your stories are helping me prepare for the day (if there is one) when he tries to wiggle back into my life.

    I have been married to a narcissist for 14 years and separated (complete no contact) for 1 year. I was told over and over that I had mental problems and that I needed professional help. I believed him and seeked out a councelor only to find I was being controlled along with being both mentally and verbally abused. I started to understand and attempted to put healthy boundaries in place only to have my husband step up the mental and verbal abuse to physical. After warning him several times with no prevail I called the police to our home which infuriated him to the point of demanding the lawyer that I hired to help with the domestic violence order write up a separation agreement. I had not worked in 5 years at his request and was totally dependent on him financially as well as emotionally. He shut down our bank accounts within days, demanded I get a job and that everything had to be sold, including our home. I retained a divorce attorney in a defensive mode with credit cards and lived on credit for several months as everything unbelievably went in my favor. He is with another woman (whom I pray for) that appeared after 4 months and after the separation agreement was signed. She has been friends with him for a while on Facebook – I have no idea where they met or their connection but know he is parading her publically and my guess was grooming her well before we separated. He has recently filed the final divorce papers (the last piece of ending our marriage) the day after our one year separation was up and although I am relieved to be out of the craziness, something inside cries out for the man I still love and married 14 years ago that my head knows doesn’t exist.

    Thank you Melanie for dedicating your life to this horrible epidemic – I’m looking forward to taking the next step to free myself of feeling the pain and anxiety as if he were still here.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 8, 2018

      Wow Donna,

      You have been through an incredible journey and showed amazing strength and tenacity in it.

      It would be my absolutely honour to help you be healed, free and shining brightly as you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • heidiallyce1973@gmail.com'
    Heidi
    May 8, 2018

    Yes please!!!!! I have been doing Dr. Christine Northrup’s Energy Vampire program and I then was led to you and just signed up for your program!!!!!! I am feeling so much hope!!!! I grew up with a Narcissistic mother and I am currently married to a narcissist. I have 2 Kids who are being brainwashed. After I took alcohol out of my life transformation started to happen and clarity is coming back. My husband wanted to keep me an alcoholic to keep me small and disempowered. He didn’t want me to quit. So I knew I was codependent but I didn’t how bad my addiction has been to him until I found you. Between him and my mom I was always requiring validation for what I was doing, not trusting my own heart and capabilities. “Do you love me now”? I accomplished this…, am I good enough now??? Letting my outside world define me. Also, having issues with 13 year old son becoming his dad, apathetic and having anger toward me. Trying to heal old wounds to show up strong, so that shift can happen with Kids. They don’t see what their father is up to! Thanks for being a BIG light for me!!!!✨💙💙Heidi

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 8, 2018

      Hi Heidi,

      I love that you connected to Dr. Christiane’s beautiful work and also that it brought you here and working with NARP.

      I am so happy you feel clarity, hope and power already!

      Please know you are more than welcome Heidi.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • hannaanerod@outlook.com'
    Hannsa
    May 8, 2018

    Yes please 💓I’ve done the narc program every day for more than three years (for hours every day) But only one month free from all narcs. When I left my abusive marriage more narcs kept on coming. Childhood friend, short relationship (like a month), boss and roommate. Insane! But right now I’m free from narcs in my surroundings. I need to break free from the original narcs (mom and stepdad) and my abusive ex husband (7,5 years).

    Now I have a girlfriend (or we’re dating since 6 months to take it slowly) and she supports me 100 % in me healing from all narc abuse. And I help her with her life problems (like her religious mom wanting to break contact with my girlfriend the day she decides to be in a serious relationship with me. Because her mom doesn’t accept her daughter is lesbian although she has told her mom before).

    ❤❤❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 8, 2018

      Hi Hannsa,

      I so look forward to helping your continued journey Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • hannaanerod@outlook.com'
        Hanna
        May 9, 2018

        Thank you Mel 💓💓💓
        I spelled my name wrong 😂
        Hanna

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          May 10, 2018

          Haha Hanna,

          Sweetheart I though you may have and I erred on the side of caution!

          Much love to you Hanna and you are very welcome.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Becky@rebeccasharpe.wtf'
    Becky
    May 8, 2018

    Thank you so much for your work. You help me heal with each episode!

  • juliette.deguara@bigpond.com'
    Juliette
    May 8, 2018

    Yes please I would love to hear the next one

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie Wedel
    May 8, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    This is very timely. After all the work I’ve done, I’m still not on my own feet financially. So the ex has that hold. He has been more or less honoring the divorce agreement, but now has found what might be an out, and I’m not ahead of the game. I was doing better, but got hit by a car two years ago, lost a year, and now being much recovered, am trying to get back out there.

    I’ve been able to improve my job technical skills a bit, and yet it seems like one step forward and two steps back. I often don’t get the interview, or if I get the interview, I don’t get the job. I need more time, and may be out of time.
    I’ve been using mod 11 to shift all sorts of junk about my self sufficiency, and since then am beginning to get into the flow more, but am just still not achieving the success I need to in the financial arena. Can you help with this? This lack of professional success is totally from being squashed all those years, and now am in my late 50’s.

    Help!
    Thanks-
    Val

  • Newday58@outlook.com'
    Darlene
    May 8, 2018

    Yes I too am battling to be free of the narcistic abuse. I need to get my adult kids and grandkids to understand I am the same person the narcist is the one who revealed his true colour.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 9, 2018

      Hi Darlene,

      Please know Dear Lady, the more we try the worse it gets.

      The only key I know of is healing ourselves.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mitchyt54@gmail.com'
    Michelle
    May 8, 2018

    Hi Melanie,the work you talked about helping us with is exactly what I need .My narc husband died after a marriage to me of 30 years.He was the most destructive ,cruel ,selfish entity I have ever known but I was brainwashed by him and stuck in the deep pit my marriage had become.I have problems relating to alcohol which I use to self medicate but also my youngest son is morbidly obese and my older son has hinted at his own drug use (which my evil husband encouraged in him ).I am now very ,very happily re-married to the most wonderful man but still am obsessed with what he did to me (helped by his mum and my “friend ” ) I was deeply hurt and betrayed by all of them .My thoughts are like a train going round on a track in my head producing adrenalin reactions and getting me nowhere.I know that both my sons and myself are exhibiting typical habits of oral satisfaction to calm and soothe ourselves and to self medicate.I could go on forever telling you the terrible cruel things he did to us but that would serve no purpose.enough to say that it was a relief when he died.I just wish it meant it had all stopped ,but it is on a loop in my head and feelings.Even his funeral was set up by his mum and my “friend” as a deeply cruel expression of vengence towards my sons and me.I have thought of my “relationship” I had with him as a typical Stockholm syndrome atatcthment for years and I’m glad you mentioned it.Thank you so much for your work .Because you have lived the nightmare we feel more supported by you than someone who only knows the “theory” .Much love to you and thanks

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 9, 2018

      Hi Michelle,

      I am so glad you feel so hope now to live free of the terrible trauma that you have experienced.

      Oh gosh yes I certainly have been there and that is why I am so passionate about helping people live free of this.

      So much love to you and your family.

      You are going to break free, absolutely.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rebeccasturgeon@gmail.com'
    rebecca
    May 8, 2018

    Yes please Melanie.

    I would like to up level feelings of being invisible, unlovable, unheard and unworthy.

    I am doing NARP and I just bought ESC.

  • jraltizer@gmail.com'
    No Name
    May 8, 2018

    Another timely topic. It is amazing how far their “conditioning” goes. I have been thinking about all the changes, both major and minor, that I have made in my life over the last 30 years or so to accommodate the Narc. For example – there is so much drama going on (at night usually) that I got in the habit of sleeping in my clothes years ago! As I never knew when I would have to jump out of bed and deal with some nonsense.

  • jac.lea@westnet.com.au'
    Lucy
    May 9, 2018

    “let me know what you would like to work on …”

    carrying the burden for others … trying to play it straight, forge ahead through a minefield of emotions, distortions, irresponsibilities that are not mine … ‘having’ to be the mature responsible one, battle it out alone. People who are meant to support me but too self-involved to notice me. Meanwhile, my own dreams denied, creativity stifled. Childhood revisited.

    I can drop the burden and walk away. But I’d like to do better than that …

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 9, 2018

      Hi Lucy,

      Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to sharing Part 2 with you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • revelaine@cfl.rr.com'
    Elaine S
    May 9, 2018

    After going no contact for 7 months with my ex, I had to see her again because of business. In those 7 months, I had been working the quantum healing program. I was excited to “test” the results of my efforts and at the same time fearful of what I would feel when I saw her again.
    Here’s what I discovered. There was little to no emotional charge in the engagement. At times, I did need to visualize a protective bubble around myself for energy protection. Interesting to side bar and say that of all the places I could have sat, don’t you know that we wound up sitting right next to one another. That was the only empty chair left in the room when I arrived. I am glad that was the case. The close proximity removed all doubt that may have risen if we were separated through sitting elsewhere.
    There’s more to be learned through continuing to work the program, so will certainly do so going forward. I have gained greater confidence and self esteem knowing that my belief system has indeed shifted. Amazing! This experience has spurred me on to a new level of enthusiasm for the future. Can’t wait to see what my life will look and feel like in another 6 months. Did I mention that I’m 67 years old? It’s never too late!
    Thanks, Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 9, 2018

      Hi Elaine,

      I am so happy for you that you are doing the inner work and breaking into your True Self.

      Big kudos to you Dear Lady and sending you many continued blessings!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cinders19@gmail.com'
    cynthia
    May 9, 2018

    Yes I can’t wait for part 2.
    Thanks to you I am healing.

  • vickij72927@gmail.com'
    Vicki
    May 10, 2018

    Hi, Mel. I am a NARC’r. I’ve been doing the healings for about 2 months with much success. My hang-up seems to be missing the physical warmth/touch (not sex), like from sleeping in the same bed next to each other, etc. Not that there was very much genuine affection. But that’s where my issue is. When I miss that feeling is when I “miss” him. Thanks.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 10, 2018

      Hi Vicki,

      I am so pleased NARP has brought you success.

      Hun target and release those feelings of misssing with a Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module and you will receive more power, relief and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • gwendolynleng9@gmail.com'
    Gwen
    May 10, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I’d really like to sign up to your 16 day program.

    First Narc- Ex Husband: was physically abusive as well as emotional, mental, etc…

    Was awarded custody of our daughter at age 4 and we are largely alienated from eachother (5.5 yrs now)
    He took my home and land and business (that I financed because he was bankrupt at the time and spent 13 yrs building).

    Now I’m bankrupt as a result of fighting for my daughter.

    This winter Narc 1 hurt our daughter and Yth Protection gave her right back to him.

    Narc-2; BF discarded me shortly after crisis with daughter this winter and told me to leave his home.

    I’m exhausted from working so many little dead-end part-time jobs just trying to keep my head above water.

    I feel like I’ve been treated like a piece of garbage and feel so much despair.

    The will-power to pull up my socks for my own sake and for my daughter’s is diminishing.

    I really need some deep healing work.

    Thx Mel

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2018

      Hi Gwen,

      Awww my goodness you have been through so much. I am so pleased that your daughter has been returned to you even though I can imagine what the poor little sweetheart has been through for that to finally happen.

      Please do Dear Lady connect to my transformational healing processes and the support of this incredible community.

      We can help be the wind under your wings until you are able to grow your own.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • daryl.moose@yahoo.com'
    william
    May 11, 2018

    This is so true, My problem is, and what I must fix it: I know all this bad stuff is happening to me, and I know it will never get better and only worst. I know I must heal and seek my own life. My wife is the Narc, I love here so much and have really given her my heart and mu soul. I am smart and very well educated, but for some unknown reason, (I am guessing fear) I cannot leave. I know i have to, but something in my head is saying you cant do this. The power she has over be has crushed me. I need help getting over that threshold and not looking back—how do i do that?

  • tracyanderson89@gmail.com'
    Tracy Anderson
    May 14, 2018

    I can’t wait for part two. I find, self identity the struggle. I have tried to find where you talk about finding the inner wounds and healing, but I can’t. I am a little lost with all of that. So, looking forward to learning more.

  • electiongrl@me.com'
    Diana Izaguirre
    May 14, 2018

    Hi Mel,
    Looking forward to part 2. Items 1 and 3 are my biggest struggles since leaving the narcissist in my life for 30 years. Self confidence from those two tactics are affecting me in my life—including my job. I do feel defective and defeated at times. It’s like he’s still here in my head keeping me from doing what I need for healing but I keep fighting. So grateful I came across your program. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and guiding us back to the light.

    • electiongrl@me.com'
      Diana Izaguirre
      May 14, 2018

      Clarification: I was with him for 30 years. It’s been 1 yr since I left the narcissist. I went no contact about a month ago.

  • beth.stover@outlook.com'
    Beth
    May 16, 2018

    Mel, I love you! Thank you! 5 weeks in and I am moving out of the house I share with my narcissist. I’ve been doing the NARP modules regularly, and I am halfway through the e-books. I am posting regularly on the forum and getting super great support there. I cannot tell you how much better I feel. After a LIFETIME of narcissistic abuse (my father, first girlfriend, second girlfriend and now my wife), I feel free and calm and clear. I want anyone out there who is looking for hope to know that NARP works. It’s so easy. All you have to do is follow the instructions and listen to Mel’s voice. Writing the details down in the modules is key. This really is the way out of chaos and despair. <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 16, 2018

      Hi Beth,

      Awww I love you too!

      I am so happy for you that NARP is allowing you to break through.

      Thank you for inspiring others. It really is true, the healing path is already formulated for those who have had enough of the pain, and it is about following those instructions.

      Wishing you more personal power and continued blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kam34eva@gmail.com'
    Sandy
    May 24, 2018

    Your following is truly amazing. I have gone through many of your modules and will continue. I will also go to part 2 of this.

    I am blessed to have found your work!

  • seraphim121@hotmail.com'
    Brenda
    June 1, 2018

    This resonates at a very deep level. I was raised by religious parents who were very controlling. My father has narcissistic tendencies and was particularly cruel…he used his words to make me feel that I was nothing, shaming was his preferred method. He squelched me to believe I wasn’t important, I wasn’t good enough, I was a disappointment and I’d never make anything of myself or be anything more than a housewife! He was emotionally unavailable and had no emotional connection or conscience over his treatment of his children. In his mind, and his upbringing, children were meant to be seen and not heard. He crushed my dreams (made me feel they were stupid, and hopeless to try to attain them), wants and needs and left me feeling unworthy. I internalized and shut down not only my voice, but my emotions as well. The only emotion that was safe to project was happiness, no matter what…you were shamed and told your behavior was not acceptable if you were sad, angry, jealous, or anything other than happy…rather than help deal with those emotions, we were taught to suppress them at all costs. I was told I was too emotional, well sure because I wasn’t being heard, I acted out, stood up for myself, which didn’t bode well for me…My father doubled down on me, to break my rebellious streak! I suffered from depression and anxiety throughout my childhood and still to this day, although I’ve gotten help and it is much better/more manageable now.
    I then went on to marry a man who is a full blown narc. I now believe that was to get away from my parents, but unconsciously jumped from the pot right into the fire! I had been programmed first by my father, then by my husband, that everything was my fault, and if I just tried harder everything would be fine. It didn’t matter how hard I tried…I was the only one trying…the more I tried, the more that was demanded/expected of me, there was no pleasing either of them, and it never got better, as a matter of fact, it got worse, far worse.
    I thought I was stuck with my husband and the never ending abuse and trauma, I didn’t see a way out, yet after 26 yrs. I’d reached my limit. I knew if I was going to survive, I had to do something, so I kicked him out. I was literally on the verge of suicide or at the very least, a stint in the psych ward…the ex was doing everything in his power to make me think/believe I was crazy! I even got hypnotized to help me get the balls to stand up to the ex and get myself out and away from him. He then set out and tried everything in his power to turn my life completely upside down, and to destroy me on every level….smearing me, threats, emotional, psychological and financial abuse. (He dragged me through the court system for 4 yrs, and still periodically tries to initiate something new through the court system, forcing me back to my lawyer incurring more legal fees) I stuck to my guns and immediately went into counseling and initiated zero contact, zero reaction.
    I’ve now been out for over 12 yrs. and this video makes me realize that the ex still has a hold on me. Even to this day he often drives by my house, if we happen to be in the same place at the same time, he walks within inches of me, while pretending he doesn’t see me. He tries to intimidate me and tires to make be feel like he’s watching my every move…I maintain zero contact, zero reaction, and am not intimidated by him, I don’t feel ANY emotional attachment to him and laugh at how pathetic/desperate he is….yet, I still don’t believe that I’m worthy of good things, or a healthy relationship. Because of the unthinkable things I’ve been through, I am actually petrified of a relationship, a repeat of the trauma and abuse, so I keep my distance from people…I’m so scared to try and forge any emotional attachments, because the hurt is unbearable when people turn their back on you, and it all comes rushing back that your aren’t worthy, you are never enough… it’s not safe to be my true self!
    I thank you Melanie for being here to help me get through this. It is apparent that I’m not finished my healing process, and that I will always be a work in progress.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 1, 2018

      Hi Brenda,

      Well done for having the courage to say ‘enough’.

      It is perfectly understandable that you feel the way you have after what you have been through.

      Please know it is so possible to heal and emerge as radiant and confident, but it does take the targeting of the specific traumas in your body that are generating those fears.

      Have you taken your healing to the deep inner transformational work of NARP? That will make such a powerhouse of difference.

      If you working with NARP I can’t recommend using the NARP Forum enough https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to receive incredible free additional coaching and support with this next stage of your healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sallyleads@icloud.com'
    Sally
    June 17, 2018

    Hi Melanie you have truly walked this path and cut away the brambles and nettles too clearer paths ahead. Metaphor fits with the natural way of nature that I have rediscovered. You pulled me through with your free snipes on here. I have yet to start the true deep healing as am now enrolled. If just the snippets can help so much I know the sky is the limit with the membership. Once you heal within, the triggers are everywhere! sometimes it causes anxiety just all the reg flags you see everywhere. Apart from being told no you’ve heard that wrong, are you sure your feeling okay? Oh you are so paranoid, well Melanie with your teachings I have emerged from being a caterpillar and am flying like a butterfly, seeing the world as it truly is. Sad that there are so many nconscioys unhappy, hurt individuals that all stick together. It has been a lonely path, however, the new path ahead has no leeches, gambles or nettles, it has pebbles and stones that widen as I walk along it, with new healthy individuals, who I cannot hel but think wow are you real? you know me, you listen, we are the same. Beautiful so thankful to you for my life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2018

      Hi Sally,

      I’m so happy I could help you and it Is wonderful that you are now taking a deep dive into the transformational healing!

      Awww your comment is so beautiful and wishing you so much joy and continued breakthrough in your Thriving.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sallyleads@icloud.com'
    Sally
    June 17, 2018

    Hi Melanie you have truly walked this path and cut away the brambles and nettles too clearer paths ahead. Metaphor fits with the natural way of nature that I have rediscovered. You pulled me through with your free snipes on here. I have yet to start the true deep healing as am now enrolled. If just the snippets can help so much I know the sky is the limit with the membership. Once you heal within, the triggers are everywhere! sometimes it causes anxiety just all the reg flags you see everywhere. Apart from being told no you’ve heard that wrong, are you sure your feeling okay? Oh you are so paranoid, well Melanie with your teachings I have emerged from being a caterpillar and am flying like a butterfly, seeing the world as it truly is. Sad that there are so many unconscious unhappy, hurt individuals that all stick together. It has been a lonely path, however, the new path ahead has no leeches, brambles or nettles, it has pebbles and stones that widen as I walk along it, with new healthy individuals, who I cannot help but think wow are you real? you know me, you listen, we are the same. I use to think better the devil you know, as strangers can encounter dangers. Now I trust me, I can branch out everywhere, without a care, knowing that I can go within with your hearings, as I will always be there. Beautiful I am so thankful to you for my life.

  • queenbead@msn.com'
    Joanne Earle
    June 21, 2018

    This hit home for me too. My mother verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me my entire life and I’m 53 now. I wish she would just die. I have never loved her. All she did was put me down unless I was doing what SHE wanted me to do. And even at that, nothing I did was good enough. If I lost 30 lbs, I had to ‘get those last 5 off’. The overwhelming message I got was ‘you will never be good enough’. She turned everything around, every emotional trauma I was going through, and made it about HER and how it affected HER. I hate her. She’s in assisted living now and age 91 and I made the required visits on her bday and mothers day but I have to try and rebuild my mental health. I keep praying she will die soon. I’m an only child and her whole focus was on me but not in a good way. The nasty letters I would get in college bitching me out about this or that. Acting all fine about stuff then the other shoe drops. Telling me I don’t have to do something so I don’t and then I get screamed at for not doing it. Assuming that I’ll do stuff….like for example I’d go over her house to visit and as I’m about to leave, ‘Oh you have to take me to x place so I can return this or that’. I’d blow, ‘why didn’t you tell me that when I got here?’ Or assuming I’d offer to take her. My dad was so cowed by her…I used to pray they would divorce so I could live with him. Every time she was in the hospital (which of course was MY fault) I would pray she’d die. Only the nasty ones live forever.

  • Chocolatey.claire@btinternet.com'
    Claire salih
    June 26, 2018

    Your help has literally been life changing to me. Thank you. Nothing else for ever worked.
    Please can I have part 2 of this episode?
    Thank you thank you thank you…. it’s a miracle cure x

  • twicesewchic@gmail.com'
    Cyndi Chung
    July 29, 2018

    I don’t know where to start Melanie. I have watched a few of your videos this past week for the first time and now just watched “How to break the narcissists conditioning Part 1”. I am and have been living in exactly what you have described. I have been married to one for 26 years and I have three children ages 23, 19 and 17. You are right, no matter what you say or do, a narcissists will never change. I should of left a long time ago in order to save my children and I from this on going emotional abuse. I became more aware of what was going on when I came across an article a few months ago about gaslighting and I could not believe how true this is in my life. So then I furthered my research and started learning about narcissists. Melanie, I have lost my entire self and it has had a huge negative impact on my children which has broken my heart tremendously….I don’t want to be in this relationship! My children don’t want me in this relationship with their dad. They haven’t for a long time. My mom was in abusive relationships 4 times. My mom ended up raising her 4 children on her own. I didn’t like that she went through all of that alone and watching my mom struggle and in pain. So I thought staying married while raising my children was the only choice for me. That this way my children would have a happy stable home. I was soooo wrong… and so broken. I have recently been working on myself to become stronger and my children are supportive of me. I have been taking small steps to bring me closer to leaving, but I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Our current situation with my husband being out of a job again is and will make it more difficult to do so. Not only do we have children, we also are paying a mortgage on a home with property that was newly bought before he lost his job 1 year ago. Right after we bought and moved into our home, which was August of 2017, that following December I found out I had a brain tumor. February of 2018 I had the benign meningioma brain tumor removed. Five months later, he lost his job. So here we are! His behavior gets worse when he is not in control of the situation and on top of that, he will not and has not been taking care of his health and has in the past said that it is my responsibility to take care of him and his health. But when I try, I’m just a nag and what ever else he thinks of me. There is alot more to add. To much to keep on typing about.

  • viki_troester@yahoo.de'
    Viki
    August 3, 2018

    Thank you for these great education’s Melanie. For me #2 and #5 are the most painful, cause it happened at home since birth and later in my 8 year long abusive piano teacher lessons and my first relationship. Since #2 is so deeply true for me, I ended up in a state of everything doesn’t matter and I don’t care. Since I listen to your videos regularly since maybe 4 years now, I start mini carings and influence my direction into the better. I joined NARP last year and did the healings regularly last year. I was strong enough for major life changes. Now in my new job I am facing again a colleague I just cannot stand anymore. Covert narcissist. Ignoring and hiding are still ways which keep me stuck. Not to mention the great shock when I have to see the person in the teachers room or speaking to her in meetings… I just panick in fight or flight when I even just see any clothing of her in the room. What can I do?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 4, 2018

      Hi Val,

      You are very welcome.

      Val, my highest suggestion to you is to meet that trauma, the panick, in your body with Module 1 work, so that you can show up in your power authentically regardless of who these people are or aren’t being.

      Then the entire experience – so within, so without, will change for you.

      Also if you would like support and further direction with this please come into the NARP Forum and reach out https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Brandi.lynn4371@yahoo.com'
    Brandi
    September 29, 2018

    In 8n the second week of my life after leaving my narcissist. I have totally lost everything I used to be. I have isolated myself for so long and the trauma that he bestowed upon me has cost me everything including my job. I can’t function or focus or remember things. I have been belittled bullied and made to believe that I am worthless, that I am a leach and that I am the narcissist. I am so lost and I am trying to find a little bit of my true self but I can’t seem to find anything. I know that this is not my fault. I have been smeared to the point of thinking that maybe its true. I have not had contact with him. He has left me messages and emails and voicemails that are just cruel and nasty and its taken all my strength to not respond. I am desperately seeking your help to find me again. He is the true definition of a narcissist. It is imperative for me to start the healing process and reprogram my mind. Part one has started the understanding of the damage that has been done, now where do I go from here… Thank you for your help. Brandi

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 30, 2018

      Hi Brandi,

      I am so sorry you are going through this painful torment.

      My strongest suggestion is to connect to my free 16 day recovery course http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse which will help you connect to you, unravel why you are feeling like this and gain strength and relief.

      Sending you love, strength and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Brandi.lynn4371@yahoo.com'
    Brandi
    September 29, 2018

    Im in the second week of my life after leaving my narcissist. I have totally lost everything I used to be. I have isolated myself for so long and the trauma that he bestowed upon me has cost me everything including my job. I can’t function or focus or remember things. I have been belittled bullied and made to believe that I am worthless, that I am a leach and that I am the narcissist. I am so lost and I am trying to find a little bit of my true self but I can’t seem to find anything. I know that this is not my fault. I have been smeared to the point of thinking that maybe its true. I have not had contact with him. He has left me messages and emails and voicemails that are just cruel and nasty and its taken all my strength to not respond. I am desperately seeking your help to find me again. He is the true definition of a narcissist. It is imperative for me to start the healing process and reprogram my mind. Part one has started the understanding of the damage that has been done, now where do I go from here… Thank you for your help. Brandi

  • lourawe3145@gmail.com'
    Lou
    October 13, 2018

    Yes I’m ready to start healing

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