Melanie Tonia Evans

Shifts Happen: Healing The Traumas Closest To Our Hearts – Our Children

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 8
32
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

This particular Shifts Happen episode, I believe is an absolute godsend to this Community.

I will go as far as saying – this healing is my MOST passionate topic.

Because I believe humanity’s future rests on our younger generation.

This necessary change of consciousness in the world begins with ourselves, and then how we can and will impact our children.

And of course as parents there is no deeper trauma (I believe) than fearing for our children’s wellbeing.

This is an episode that I have been asking for with all my heart – someone to come forward and request shifts to do with their child, within the trauma of co-parenting with a narcissist.

Devon, a lovely lady for my home state Victoria, reached out in the NARP Forum for exactly that reason, and the time was perfect for us to work together on helping her beautiful three-year-old son.

What unfolded in this Shifts Happen Episode astounded even me (and nothing much does) regarding how perfectly apt the traumas within Devon’s body were in regard to the most common, deepest, survival traumas that make it so hard for us to feel safe, and to believe that our children can make it through troubling times.

As parents we want to do all we can to protect our children, yet of course we know – in the world that we live in – so often we feel powerless to get authorities to recognise narcissism and to help.

And this is why we have to find another way – a way to create change, a way that does work from a deeper more alchemic level than what we have ever accessed before.

This episode shows PRECISELY what that work is.

And never before have I done a two-part series with a Shifts Happen … and the reason being is because when we wish to help our children in a Quantum Way – there is a golden rule that applies first and foremost.

We have to lead the way.

That being … the first of this two-part series is myself with Devon shifting her traumas that have been passed on to her son and are about her son, which necessitate the Quanta Freedom Healing clearing within her first.

Part Two is ALSO essential in this process of healing our children – and is coming very soon.

I can’t recommend this two-part episode enough for anyone in this Community (and beyond) who is suffering the terrible fear of co-parenting your child with a narcissist.

Today’s healing is SO important for us, our children and our world.

As such, I would love you to make the time to participate in this session with myself and Devon … and please make sure that you won’t be disturbed to receive the full benefit.

Also it will benefit yourself and the Community greatly if you share how the healing went for you, ask any questions you wish me to clarify … and anything that you would like to know from Devon about her journey with co-parenting.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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32 Thoughts on Shifts Happen: Healing The Traumas Closest To Our Hearts – Our Children
  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    May 26, 2017

    Melanie, how much do you charge for a session?

  • gudrun@shootoutcrew.co.za'
    Gudrun
    May 26, 2017

    What an incredible experience! Thank you Devon and Mel. I had shivers down my spine for a full hour there – and, Devon, if you could just see how your face changed as you processed all that trauma. I could actually see when the veil lifted. Well done to you both and so much gratitude for you.

    I have two boys who have been deeply affected by the narcissists in their lives (my younger son once waking from a night terror to tell me that he was “so worried that (the narcissist) is going to kill you one day”). It is only since I evicted the narc from our home in February that I have been properly able to begin on my journey to healing. I can see so clearly how this has impacted on my parenting and, as a result, on my own children’s healing.

    A week ago today I discovered that our darling dog had a massive tumour on her spleen and we lost her this past Monday. I know that it was she and I (I had a salpingectomy a month ago where they also discovered a fibroid and endometriosis) who absorbed and processed so much of our family’s trauma. I am so incredibly grateful to people like you, Mel and Devon, for the knowledge that assists us in acknowledging our wounds and the shifting, growing, learning and healing that comes from that.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Gudrun,

      you are most welcome 🙂

      Absolutely the narcissistic experience is deeply impactful on our children, and that is wonderful that you are now connecting to the healing for this.

      I do so believe that our pets try to take our pain for us – there family. My deepest love and condolences to you Gudrun for you families loss.

      Mel xo

  • ladybug_liz_24@hotmail.com'
    Elisabeth
    May 26, 2017

    Thank you so much Devon and Mel I felt the shifts through you both and engaged in the same ratings and body feelings. I don’t understand how or why as I’m a beginner . It was almost telepathic. May sound crazy but I felt the kinship, the pain, the release.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Elisabeth,

      it is hard for the logical mind to grasp!

      It’s not crazy at all, and I am so pleased you felt the connection 🙂

      Mel xo

  • valpal@rogers.com'
    Valerie Palmer
    May 26, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    Is there any hope for my sons, This is my greatest wish. Sons are 50 and 48. We had so much trauma, their brother being killed when they were 8 and 10. My journey is so convoluted. It was my 50 year son that triggered me earlier this year with a realization that he has emulated his father. Like a domino effect since Jan of this year. I have been on my journey all my life. There are many things I do no understand about the healing. I thank you! Val

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Valerie,

      I really do believe that when we release trauma, healing can enter and there is always hope.

      The wonderful thing about healing is we don’t need to understand how it works … it just can and does.

      Sending you and your sons love, healing and blessings.

      Mel xo

      • valpal@rogers.com'
        Valerie Palmer
        May 27, 2017

        Dear Mel, What a god send you have been for the last few weeks. I really appreciate your reply. Much love Val

  • Stellarspine@gmail.com'
    So desperate it makes me sick
    May 26, 2017

    I am so lost… I feel dead inside… I don’t feel like life is worth it anymore. I moved 500 miles, left my job, uprooted my child out of school to move closer to him and start a family. We have been together for 3 years and today he broke up with me via text and refuses to see or answer my calls. I have done nothing. It makes no sense. I am sick. I don’t want to live. He is up to something sinister. He is abusive in every way shape and form. And then acts all cool and mature when days later of no contact he appears to tell me I need help. Please help me. I need therapy. Can u do a face to face healing. I have no one. I am alone and barely hanging on.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      My heart goes out to you …

      it is so painful in the discard … please reach out to our support staff at support@melanietoniaevans.com so that we can help you with what you can do as the next step.

      Mel xo

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      May 28, 2017

      Please do the Narp program…….it will change your life and heal the trauma and wounds…….this will be the best gift to yourself and your children. You have no option anymore. You have found Mel for this. Much love to you.

  • svnaimool@hotmail.com'
    Sherice
    May 27, 2017

    That was so amazing. Devon you are so honest and connected to yourself. You are an inspiration. I am eager for the next shift.

    I can’t saying anything else but Thank you for the hope, the encouragement, the strength and for lighting the way for me to help my daughter and I.

    Thank you.

  • taml.mchenry@gmail.com'
    Tammy
    May 27, 2017

    I’m touched by the responses to this video, so thought I’d share as well. I’ve read and re-read Eckhart Tolle’s books, so your process of non-resistance from the pain that arises through awareness, and letting go of layered pent-up energies, brings extra encouragement for my own personal growth. There’s lots of layers to the healing process from narcissistic entanglement – no doubt about it- but when we are parents there seems to be an extra set of criteria to work through.
    For me, there is a sense guilt and shame and selfishness attached for having brought children into the world without first being healed and healthy. Before I had children I worked so hard towards realizing I needed to break patterns within myself from my own abusive childhood (emotional and psychological for the most part). I took on the adage to *do the opposite of how my parents raised me*. The guilt comes in stronger after watching your video. Especially because my kids are age, 21, 19, and 14. With the realization that I married a person who is an “altruistic narcissist” AND had three children with him…( !?!). I didn’t know until five months ago that there was a name for all this craziness. The material and support from your website and “New Life Newsletter,” along with my own desire to recover, is a huge step in a healthy direction. Thank you for providing help and support! For guiding us toward integration, healing, and awareness.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Tammy,

      I am so pleased this has helped you connect with your evolution.

      Please know Tammy it is so natural to feel that guilt, most of us as parents did, yet with the Quanta Freedom Healing Modules in NARP – https://www.melanietoniaevams.com/narp – this (as well as all negative emotions) can be released and healing enters that space.

      You are so welcome Tammy – it is wonderful that you found your way here to this Community.

      Mel xo

  • Obrien315@gmail.com'
    Catherine
    May 27, 2017

    Devon, thank you for agreeing to go through your shifting with Melanie online. It was very helpful to me to witness the occurrence and process. Strangely, watching you with Melanie I entered into a personal shift of my own I was completely unaware of. It was not in reference to my son but my own anxieties I have in relationships with men. Why I went there I have no idea except that I will be always grateful for watching this Thriver episode. Congratulations on leveling up and thank you for being so brave as to allow others into your world in the spirit of healing.

  • annieharden@optusnet.com.au'
    Annie
    May 27, 2017

    Dear Devon and Mel,
    Thank you so much for your work in this shifts happen episode – it helped me access my own anxious child within, especially around feeling safe in the world which is what I have been working on for so long in the modules.

    Every time you do a “shifts happen” episode Mel it resonates with what I am shifting at the time – there is such synchronicity and of course I realise that’s because we are all connected. So please keep up the great work.

    And I hope Devon that your beautiful little boy can shift his anxiousness and be free to be himself. That will be such a gift for him and for you.

    Love and blessings
    Annie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Annie,

      how wonderful that these sessions are so synchronistic for you!

      Thank you for you love and blessings to all!

      Mel xo

  • Vera_felgie@hotmail.com'
    AMF
    May 27, 2017

    How do I help my adult male child who’s wife is a narcissist?…and they now have a 3 year old and a 4 month old? And he doesn’t reply or come to family occassions including recent Mother’s Day..more isolated than ever…knowing there is narcissistic abuse …how can I / we standby and wait foe him to notice? What can I do?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi AMF,

      My heart goes out to you gong through that and feeling so powerless about it.

      The healing for that is the exact same premise – truly.

      It is about you shifting first and foremost your trauma about this – starting with the trigger you feel when you think of your son.

      That truly is the most powerful thing you can do for you son and his children.

      Mel xo

  • amy050269@icloud.com'
    Amy
    May 27, 2017

    Thank you ladies for sharing this with others. I did the healing right along with you and I am looking forward to the next episode. Shorty after this session, I experienced a stomach ache. Is it possible that once we do such a big shift something like this can happen? The trauma with our children has gone much deeper than the N abuse. And I am feeling like I am finally get to the root of my healing.

    I do have a question about healing by proxy in regards to our children. What if we do not have their permission because of no contact with them? I believe that their soul has chosen us as a parent to heal these ancestral wounds but would this interfere with their soul lessons, healing, journey and evolution?

    Much love to all who are experiencing this.

    Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 27, 2017

      Hi Amy,

      it’s our pleasure 🙂

      The energy you feel in your stomach is the next shift – the next trauma that can be released ….

      This is often what happens once we start releasing.

      If we ask their Higher Self permission then we can assess whether we feel it’s right or not – through a muscle test or intuitive feeling.

      If it’s a “no” then we feel that – and generally that only comes because we are trying to make someone else different so that we can feel better …

      It won’t work if we are not working on ourselves holistically first.

      I hope this makes sense.

      Mel xo

  • rachheaton@gmail.com'
    Rachel
    May 27, 2017

    I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart – both Melanie and Devon.

    I relate to this journey so so very deeply. I purchased the NARP program one year ago when I felt I was truly at rock bottom. I was going through mediation with the father of my 5 year old son, and in so much fear and pain and reactivity. I began to understand that it was my programming, my codependence that had created this situation, and that truly it was up to me to heal, and the only thing I could do was to create a safe space for my son when he was in my care. A space where I was not living in reactivity on any level to his father, but connected to source and being a creator in my life. Yet, perhaps having moments of knowing this, I don’t think that I have truly cleared this stuff.

    I am called back – as perhaps I need to commit more deeply and for another time around. Finding this video has felt like such synchronicity – I so prayed and prayed for assistance for very very specific support for this situation. I used the internet to find teachers, after realising that many psychologists could not understand narcissistic abuse. I found Melanie, and I found lisa a romano. But that specificity around being a parent in this situation and the helplessness….well…

    I am now at a point though, where the father has the 50:50 care that he has fought hard for (right now this weekend is the beginning) and I feel that I am going through a strange revisitation of the trauma from one year ago…and yet, I am also not ‘there’.. I am ‘here’….yet needing extra support as many of my wounds have surfaced.

    This time though, i know that my fears are what make me susceptible to the narc. My fear that my son will not know that his mother loves him, that he will feel abandoned (and of course these fears are actively encouraged by his dad who cuts off contact). As do my obsessive thoughts – for me I see this as me inviting him into my experience – via my mental field….by me avoiding the feelings of abandonment and deepest grief, that truly do not have anything to do with him, but do – that great paradox..

    I have chosen not to attend a soccer game where his father is his coach today, even though I would love to see my son and support him. Yet I am making this choice because I do not feel that it is in my best interests to put myself in a position to be manipulated by his father, and he has increased his covert attacks recently – maybe because I am vulnerable at this transition to more care, maybe because I with support created a care schedule where change overs would be at the school and I would not need to see him. This is extremely hard as my tendency to be in connection with my son, to provide continuity of care between two homes, to ‘people please’ and ‘keep up appearances’ and have an ‘awesome co parenting relationship’. Yet in this situation has kept me susceptible to his attacks, that defy all logical understanding – as to the way they affect me so deeply… or maybe they don’t. There is a reason why I called in such a cruel man into my field.

    This is a first for me and is asking me to surrender on such a deep level. I watched your youtube video Melanie on your son, and how you chose to surrender all attachment to his path, and to see him as the divine being he is. I am trying and trying to do this.
    I have some moments where i can be in ‘appreciation’ for the narc in my life. There was no one else that could have shown me the power or the necessity to be IN MY BODY, and to actively choose my thoughts….. And yet right now I am feeling on edge.

    This video has shown me I must come back to the modules. Its shown me I am not alone. its shown me there is some hope. I really admire Devon’s integrity and courage and willingness to dive so deep. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 29, 2017

      Hi Rachel,

      I adore how Devon has responded to you … so powerful, truthful and totally on soul point.

      I love that you are going to turn inwards again, and please know Dear Lady in the NARP Forum we are there to help be your wings as you find your own.

      You don’t have to do this alone … we are all there for each other.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

  • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
    Val
    May 29, 2017

    Dearest Devon and Melanie, thank you and namaste. such intense and powerful work you shared here. just so very moving…inner power has been a key challenge for me too so I did the healing along with you and it brought up something for me in the last part too so thank you for that . Devon you have such a beautiful spirit and aura, it was a joy to literally see your vibrational energy change , watch the veil of pain lift and see your natural radiance shining..I ‘m also a ” Power of Now ” Eckhart student and for me it’s a natural expansion of Melanie’s work sending you and your little one love and Angel blessings xoxo looking forward to part 2 !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 29, 2017

      Hi Val,

      it is our pleasure!

      Thank you for your beautiful post and love Val 🙂

      Mel xo

  • r.frangiosa@hotmail.com'
    Possum
    May 31, 2017

    Dear Devon and Mel

    Thanks you so much for demonstrating this healing and surrender experience. Thank you to Devon especially for being so brave to allow your vulnerabilities to help to heal others and their children. This makes the life metamorphosis that much more tangible. You truly have such strength and determination.

    This episode truly resonated with me. I felt your pain intensely, and had tears, as I can feel the rawness of it all reflected in my situation with two young girls. I have never experienced such terrible feelings of guilt and fear; and of us not feeling safe, as I have with N abuse where my girls are involved. Now, like you Devon, I am shifting and working through all of the pollution that has infiltrated my being, to rid myself and the girls of the toxicity of past and present wounds, and literally turn our lives around. I admire you for your sheer strength and willingness to do whatever it takes to help you and your son. What an amazing mother you are.

    And of course, we wouldn’t know what to do without Mel’s NARP and personal guidance. Thanks again to both of you.

    Xxxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2017

      Hi Possum,

      thank you for your gorgeous message and love – and I am so thrilled that you are Thriving for you and your girls!

      Bless you Darling Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien Bosma
    June 14, 2017

    Hello Devon and Melanie,
    Thank you both for sharing with us this amazing shift so that people who incredibly relate to this topic can shift their inner trauma’s with you
    I am one of them , working with NARP for about six months now ,recognizing your words Devon, hugely “going down at first “…cause that’ s where I was lately …much ! 🙁
    and I accepted it ……as if I somehow accepted/ trusted it would change all in going up one day .
    This special Healing came as a God given gift for me….so my thankfullness is sort of infinite , you have to believe me in this ,cause I don’ t want and can’ t tell here much about why ,other then ,amongst other big trauma’s I am taking care of two fosterchildren who are very wounded by the big loss of their single mother ( my sister ) at first at a far too young age and second coming into me and my ex’ s (!) homelife …well….it goes too far here to talk about what can happen , what we rather not want to think about yet can happen unfortunately and unintended in peoples lifes.
    The youngest child , a boy who was 2 when he lost his mum, his sister was 10 years then , it wastoo painful to talk about for a very too long time.
    The boy is with me for 18 years now , and will become 21 soon , (my ex and all I must have projected on the boy because of my own losses, pain and more painful inner ‘shit ‘ ( sorry ) does still worry me so much :\ )
    I am here to tell you of my gratitude for this healing It did something amazing….to him !!! ( actually unintended to more loved ones around me !!!)And still does
    He had to go through a lot …still has to . And it still brakes my heart at times , for both of the brave kids ( his sister is 28 now and very strong and brave, living her own well deservedlife with her boyfriend now )but this shift does so much good to him that I had to stay in this part one till I would be able to FEEL my own healing would bring a breakthrough
    Like happened to Devon …only this morning ( and if I wouldn’ t have had some sort of inner unknown trust I probably would have been ‘ running ‘ to part two already , amazingly I stuck to this one , ) a big , huge painfull but relieving brakethrough was finally there…
    It was scary as well.
    But thanks to you both it all was allowed to happen safely
    so Yes this is a great given gift .
    thank you both so _/\_ much _/\_
    xxx
    .
    I will continue with part two of your healing Devon and Melanie and see what will bring him and hopefully me and other dear close loved ones ( no Narcs allowed , trust me 😉 )
    And will continue my NARP journey , with trusting and realising the darkest and lowest point has been faced ( hopefully, cause we never know what comes next , ha ! )
    With much gratitude
    &
    Much love

    BB

  • abela_christine@hotmail.com'
    Christine
    July 20, 2017

    Thank you so much for this! I am going through a very similar situation with my preschooler, who witnessed abuse and is in shared custody (much fear for his safety (mostly emotional) when he is with his dad). I did the shift with you Devon and it was powerful. I rarely go on the forum, but tonight I was called to do so, and now I know why… I had to connect with you and Mel to discover how to do healing by proxy, but also connect to trauma I was unaware I was holding onto. Knowing that there is a sisterhood going through similar challenges, helps me know that I am doing the exact right thing, and that we are all interconnected. Much gratitude and light

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 21, 2017

      Hi Christine,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      That is wonderful that you are connecting to healing by proxy and a deeper healing of you.

      Bless you Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

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