Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Trust Your Inner Guidance System

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 6
33
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The following is such a fascinating question …

When is my intuition warning correct and when it is wrong?

And it’s a really valid question, because we know that the human experience can be fraught with fear.

We all experience triggers of fear going off within us, and many people who are into personal development and consciousness (as so many of you in this Community are) may question what these triggers really mean.

In other words, … When am I being warned about something, or is this an overreaction because of a trauma that has been triggered within me?

So how can we know the difference?

Is it even possible to know the difference?

And if it IS possible, how can we get the proof to know whether our intuition IS right or wrong?

Is the following the right question to be asking …

Is my intuition right or wrong and how can I learn to trust it?

I actually don’t believe it is!

And as such, this episode may surprise you … maybe we haven’t been asking the right questions about this topic in the first place!

And just maybe … there is an entirely different focus that we can take and develop that means we don’t even HAVE to be right or wrong in order to have a healthy, safe and successful life.

This Thriver TV episode is a deep dive into how we can trust our Inner Guidance in realistic and healthy ways and how we don’t even have to experience “fear” to know what is or isn’t healthy for us in our life.

And just what forging a life forward after narcissistic abuse – without fear – is really about.

I hope you enjoy the conversation about this wonderful and extremely interesting topic.

After watching this episode I’d love to know your thoughts …

How does it feel to know we can direct our path toward the life we want confidently, without having to agonise over whether or not our inner cues are bang on correct?

Please share your thoughts with myself and the Community on the blog.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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33 Thoughts on How To Trust Your Inner Guidance System
  • winespell@gmail.com'
    Deborah
    May 30, 2017

    A key point you presented and that I am discovering in my own life is that our intuitions are not infallible, but as long as we know that they aren’t being triggered by unhealed inner wounds and e not in a life or death situation, there is no need for intuitions to be spot on accurate and there is really no absolute right or wrong in regards to what we sense we are being guided to do or not do. It’s human nature to wonder if one is making the right decision and if one is seeing the clearest or biggest picture of the situation. If our intuitions turn out to have been a bit inaccurate we can always make a new decision and find a better way. But if we allow unnecessary fears to rule our every decision we are destined to fall.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 30, 2017

      Hi Deborah,

      I am so pleased this clarified things for you!

      You have grasped this perfectly 🙂

      Mel xo

  • karingundlach@gmail.com'
    Karin
    May 30, 2017

    Mel, thank you for this brilliantly insightful video. I have never heard anyone talk with this much clarity about the idea of what intuition is, what it does for us, and what not – and how to use our intuition wisely.

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    May 30, 2017

    Yes, be so strong that nothing can touch you.
    Thank you for this episode, Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2017

      Hi Nicoleta,

      it’s true – and when we heal enough we can be that Source to self.

      Bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
    Katie
    May 30, 2017

    Oh this was very insightful. Thank you! I’m still working my way through things but what you say Mel explains my over-reaction to a situation last year. What I did then has had major repercussions that are still working their way out. Of course I’ve been told I brought it all on my self by my crazy-making and can only blame myself!!

    My father had a mistress so he sent mum and me away to another country promising to follow, but never did. We got stranded and from then in had to cope alone. My first fiancé used me to finance his college studies and then had an affair which he squarely blamed me as I was forever working (I had to have 3 jobs to keep both of us). He got the girl pregnant and they went back to his parents 200 miles away leaving me to pay off huge debts. I’d been right in my intuition then so that became a trigger point for my second relationship. Any female friend of my partners was viewed with suspicion. It’s taken 2 decades to learn to trust my man and accept genuine friendships.

    Last summer however, a colleague of his kept texting even though we were on holiday. I got mad and said he should tell her we were away. She knew. The texts continued daily and late into the night. Day 3, my birthday, I flew off the handle and asked him to tell her to give us a day off. “No, she’s depressed, I’m helping her.” I apologised and backed off ashamed I’d been so selfish. But the texts were banal and over friendly so I asked him outright if they were having an affair. Furious, he threw it all back at me saying how distrustful I was, selfish, uncaring, a terrible person. Forty odd weeks later he refuses to let me see any texts (he’s changed his phone so that it can only be accessed via his fingerprint), is out all hours, is chatty one day and then gives me the silent treatment for days or weeks, volunteers at all the organisations this girl helps at and goes to the pub with her friends, complaining they have little in common (he’s 17 years older). He refuses to touch/hug me saying he’s disgusted at me; he will not go on any holidays. He spends his money on new clothes, books and CDs (and DVDs which we watch in silence). His friends and colleagues treat me oddly. We don’t see our mutual friends/colleagues (they are disgusted with me as well as he felt he had to tell all and sundry at work and privately of my distrust and insinuations).

    I repeat all this as it’s screamingly obvious now that I’m living with a Narc, but I’ve only recently discovered the term and this website. You are my saviour as I realise the grounding at home I’m experiencing (of “why should any friends want to see you after what you’ve done”) is power based and manipulative.

    So thank you Mel and everyone who adds to the blog for all the insights. My hatred for myself in ruining a relationship of nearly 3 decades is dissipating, I am turning to myself to improve my health and make plans for me, not us. I’ve been in a very dark place since last summer, not helped by not coping very well with grieving for my mum who died 2 years ago today. More of the same please Mel and thanks for highlighting how to sort those triggers out. I’m on my way I think! XX

    • tammyleighgunn@gmail.com'
      Tammy
      May 31, 2017

      Dear Katie,
      Your post had such an impact on me, I just had to reply. I’m so sorry for what you ‘ve been through. It seems to me that the relationship between your man and the friend, esoecially the level of friendship and dependance was inappropriate regardless . You had a perfect right to be annoyed, and it’s understandable that you were upset. It’s definately NOT all you but who this man is and I’m so glad you have found Mel’s site.
      Big Love and light and Blessed healing to YOU from Canada

      • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
        Katie
        June 27, 2017

        Hi tammy, thank you so much for your good wishes from Canada. This is one big global family isn’t it – it’s great! And thanks for your comments; incredibly helpful. My illness is making me step back and give more time to me, so it’s very much a blessing in disguise. I just know I’ll come out of this much stronger than I am feeling right now. Every day… In every way… Getting stronger and stronger…!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2017

      Hi Katie,

      thank you for your very honest post and reaching out – that takes courage.

      Sending you deep condolences, love and healing reading the loss of your Mum.

      I am so pleased you included your story, because absolutely Dear Lady (as I am sure you have connected) there are repeat patterns of the original traumas with your father, because here is a man who pulls away, grants his attention elsewhere, doesn’t connect, and doesn’t value or validate you.

      It is those deep inner wounds from him (and other painful relationships) that link back to your Dad that need to be unravelled, healed and released …

      Then you will (I promise) no longer be able to remain attached to this man. In fact the very thought would be totally foreign for you and unthinkable because … when we no longer have wounds that match what narcissists deliver their soul contract with us is finished.

      We move on, to higher vibrations and pastures permanently.

      It’s the deep inner healing work of NARP that creates that shift – and I couldn’t recommend it more for you http://www.melanietoniaeveans.com/narp

      There are so many people Katie, (like so many of us) who tried to work this out cognitively and even after KNOWING our childhood trauma patterns still couldn’t let go – because the trauma pattern was still generating an emotional life-force within us.

      That is what needs to go and the Quanta Freedom Healing processes in the NARP Modules creates that … and essentially … because all information is only supplementary to the real inner reprogramming work.

      When we do that we Thrive for real sweetheart …

      And please know you can check out QFH for yourself at no risk or obligation by coming into my three hour FREE workshop https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Here you can FEEL for real the inner reprogramming shifts that I mean … And just that alone will help you get a super-boost to your freedom.

      I hope what I have written helps.

      Mel xo

      • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
        Katie
        June 7, 2017

        Thanks so much Mel, your words are incredibly supportive. You know the twist in all this? Last week I fell very ill in the middle of nowhere, put a brave face on things as I was with a group of people I didn’t really know and got myself to a doctor the next day. I ended up in hospital and am just home having had a small heart op! My soul obviously got to screaming pitch for me to slow down and look inwardly so that’s just what I will do. I’d already signed up to your programme but have to start it. I owe it to my bruised body (post-op) and hesitant inner self to make a start towards freedom. Thanks for being there for all of us.

        • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
          Katie
          June 7, 2017

          Whilst I’m on the blog I just wanted to share an observation which is actually quite funny, but obviously connected… A friend suggested, when my mum died, to continue buying the flowers I always gave her – and in the colours she liked, but to enjoy them myself. A quick glance up at the flowers in my home subliminally connects me with mum. Some times I buy flowers just for me in the darker colours that resonate with me. No one has ever bought me flowers but I’ve never let that stop me buying my own. I didn’t think it bothered me….

          In hospital last week a friend delivered some colourful flowers and I was absolutely thrilled. The nurses were not and said they’d throw them away for me as they were deemed a health hazard. No pointing out that they were cheering me up and made me feel loved worked but as I was so upset they put them in an ugly bucket for my friend to retrieve next day. I noted the irony that such a small gift made me very panicky at losing it and realised it had touched a real nerve. I told myself I did deserve them and it was just bad luck. Duly the flowers were retrieved and my friend sent me a photo of them being enjoyed in her house.

          And you know what? A magnificent bouquet of flowers arrived from another friend yesterday which reduced me to massive sobs (my first posh bouquet ever!). Such a lovely thought. As I joyfully unwrapped them my heart sank (my poor old heart!!): most of the flowers are very pretty lilies. BUT I can’t keep them in the house as the bright red pollen is a potential cat killer. In the week after my mums funeral (exactly 2 years ago) and after insisting we displayed two of the prettiest wreaths in the house our cat licked the pollen off his feet and we had to hospitalise him. He was dangerously ill but pulled through. I was so nearly the unwitting cause of my cats demise. So here I am again with the flowers in a bucket in the bath awaiting another friend to turn up and take away the “offending” lilies! For goodness sake!!

  • r.frangiosa@hotmail.com'
    Possum
    May 30, 2017

    Thank you Mel for again offering these pearls of wisdom, that we can all take on. My sense of self and intuition during my 8 year marriage to a high level N was deeply dependant on his treatment and behaviour towards me; and he was such a chameleon, that I had absolutely no concept that this person who I chose to marry and have children with, was in fact the least trustworthy and most damaging partner I had ever encountered. This person I now recognise as an insidious monster that emerged out of the carefully crafted illusion and veneer that he projected. This was always what he was, however the mask was up for so long, I still find it difficult to fathom. Much like being in a terrible soap opera which ends badly! One you never signed up for.

    Now 2 years after the brutal discard, and of choosing to remain single, I feel like I have reconstructed my broken fragments, thanks to NARP. I have absolute determination to live life for the first time without exploitation and narcissism in the equation. Thanks to you, I feel that I am undergoing a metamorphosis of inner peace, life without fear of the unknown, and surrendering the traumas and sadness that has prevailed in my life from the start.

    I can truly see the N as simply a disordered void, who will essentially live in constant torment with no end in sight. I see the malicious acts and behaviour towards me and the children, as though I am viewing it from an outsider’s perspective, and I no longer take it personally, or react as the victim when his antics play out towards us. And what a massive relief that is – to not take it on board and allow it to cause destruction.

    My evolved self feels a joy and solidness aka ‘knowing’ which is so lovely and so hard to describe. I now have a much clearer filter on my lens when it comes to reading others and seeing the true inside, and not the projected veneer. Never again will I excuse or suffocate my inner voice and radar when it comes to relationships in general. I have learned a very hard lesson, but now I am truly thankful for my newfound freedom, and the fact that my soul has been saved, together with my children’s.

    You Mel, have been an absolute saviour through this nightmare. I do the QFH daily, and find a sense of relief and peace with the shifting work, that I never knew was possible.

    Thank you so much. Xxxxx

    • lucyrunforjoy@gmail.com'
      Lucy
      May 31, 2017

      Thank you Melanie, for what is once again a truly enlightening episode. Understanding and truly embracing the TRUTH of discomfort, fear, anxiety and pain–in our relationship with ourselves and through difficult others–is a huge part of the healing process of disentangling from a narcissist. There is no easy way around it: you have to do the work and go through it, shift the energy, be hugely committed to yourself and to loving yourself. Can’t express enough how your Thriver episodes, all your writing and posts, and the NARP program have supported me this past 12 months.
      Thank you so much for what you do.
      xo
      Lucy

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        May 31, 2017

        Hi Lucy,

        you’re so welcome.

        I am so pleased you are deeply resonating with this information and doing a wonderful job with your Thriving and evolution!

        Kudos to you for doing the work …

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 31, 2017

      Hi Possum,

      it is an absolute joy to read your post after what you have been through.

      I love that you have done the inner work and are reaping such beautiful benefits!

      How gorgeous this is extending to your children 🙂

      Awww your are so welcome sweetheart, it is so beautiful to read about your thriving!!

      Bless and Much Love 🙂

      Mel xo

  • margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane
    May 30, 2017

    Incredible episode- As always! Loved it.
    Thank you, Mel.

  • joellekutcher@gmail.com'
    Joelle
    June 2, 2017

    Again and again thank you for the generosity of your heart in teaching us through these video blogs. I Have learned so much since the beginning of the year. This was very important in relation to the fight or flight response. Most people think it comes first but here you are reminding us that we can curb the response by putting into action what we have learned in your Quantum Freedom healing course. Also, it reminds us that it is a vicious cycle of cortisol pumping to try to keep us calm and yet not achieving the true response as we fall into the habit of being familiar with that feeling of rushed blood in our veins, which really is not good for our health.
    I noticed there is a course “empowered love creation” mentioned in some emails for NARPers but I already received the written version in the quantum healing course. Is it missing a voice recording component which you get when you purchase the love creation course?
    I am in awe of your knowledge and your generous sharing. A true inspiration. <3
    Joelle

  • Faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
    Kate
    June 7, 2017

    Mel,
    Every time I think ‘wow that is the most real, resonating episode of Thriver TV yet you come up with another one! This episode seemed perfectly timed for me right now. And I love how it always comes back to ‘ Do the healing modules over again and again’ for me. I am really feeling some clarity and the way you put your philosophical reasoning is so consider and on the money. Thank you
    Kate

    • Faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
      Kate
      June 7, 2017

      * oops I meant ‘concise ‘, not ‘consider’ 😉

  • Starrblondebright@yahoo.com'
    Carolyn Diem
    June 10, 2017

    Thank you. I’m getting my thoughts more clear, as I open my eyes I see I was manipatated, and very much controlled in every way, and obeying everything that needed to be….

  • nith_7896@yahoo.com'
    Nithini
    June 15, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    I have been going through so many of your writing and gaining knowledge on this subject is graudually healing me , but its a long journey . It haunts me so much that i cannot concentrate on daily activity .

    I have gone no contact after all the cruelty, should i send a nasty message to narrcistic partner so it can give me some relief and than totally block him.

    Nithini

  • info@frahavet.de'
    Cassy
    August 25, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    as I am working with the NARP Module to work through my second experience with an alleged Narc, I keep getting stuck at a point that drives me up walls.

    Background story: my intuition had been alerting me very early on when becoming entangled with this 2nd Narc. However, needless to say, being triggered in my inner core wounds, his/the pull was irresistible and I, again, fell for the pattern of trying to “heal myself” (or rather, numb myself out?) by succumbing to his affair, despite all inner warning bells. Anyway, we had that sort of relationship where we would regularly have rather deep, soulsearching and substantial talks, kinda analysing each other inside out (which was a major draw I felt with him also…his seemingly “deep” personality…) and when in his behaviour, things switched from idealisation to devaluation, my alarm bells were ringing louder…could he be another one? It feels like it. Could he be another Narc? He acts like it. Still, I couldn´t withdraw, I held on, minimized boundaries he overstepped, rationalised away any of his behaviour that clearly was aimed at humiliating me. Also, he was quirkly self-aware: “I don´t want to suck you dry.” and the like, I heard often. Like he was trying to warn me.

    When I finally inquired with some of his Exes and found “proof” of his abusive past (he often would remark that all his Exes were “psycho”…yep. When I finally compared notes, they all needed treatment after having been emotionally abused by him. Rest my case.), he got wind of my manouvre and discarded me painfully. Still, in our last few discard talks, he would use this line of reasoning against me: that I projected my triggers unto him, that he evolved past his shady past, that he learnt his lessons, that he knew things would go south because of my wound and past triggers, that I didn´t show up authentically with him, that I was a fraud, that the reason all went south were past triggers of past wounds that I hadn´t healed yet, that he saw it all oh-so clearly, that I wasn´t able to keep it real…and that he knew what would happen and that he didn´t plan on brainwashing me but that he handled it such, I could break through my pattern and he had my best interest in mind. Basically, he hit nail after nail on it´s head, laying the mechanisms out so clearly for me that I found myself having to admit to his down-to-T analysis of my triggers, behaviour etc. I internalised his reasoning, which was basically the EXACT blueprint of your NARP approach, that I broke down…I keep replaying his reasoning and I feel like he was right…had I shown up authentically, without the needs and wants of my inner wound, without allowing my triggers being pushed , without continuing to “hide” (his word) from my truth, without acting from a place where I allowed him to act the way he acted just so I could feverishly cling onto the false compensation this relationship represented, this relationship could have worked out? So, in a way, knowing that he was right, knowing that after all, it WAS ME doing the damage by hiding behind the wound, keeps adding up to immense shame and guilt. He masterfully shifted this all. Sometimes it feels like I´ve found a brutal master in him. I can´t shake it off. Was it me?

    I truly WANT to take on my own responsibilty but in doing so, his reasoning becomes true, scarily true. So true, I´m painfully inclined in believing him, absorbing his reasoning and feeling all the more guilty and defeated. I mean, the boundaries he overstepped, the humiliation, the degradation, the emotional abuse he did are and remain real. But in essence, I brought it all unto myself by not showing up.

    How do I move out of this spiral?

    Any input welcome, it´s driving me nuts.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 26, 2017

      Hi Cassy,

      Please first of all know that where the real intense coaching and support happens for the NARP Program is in the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member – because it is very difficult for me to have a one-on-one backwards and forwards conversation here with you if needed.

      However I will help with the broadstrokes now and then the NARP Forum for ongoing healing / support is my suggestion to you.

      Cassy the first step is to pull away – end it – leave it and have No Contact with him. The reason being “anyone helping us with our evolution” for real would bring a sense of liberation, relief, clarity and power – not this level of pain, trauma and shame.

      This is abuse and not something you need to make him GET.

      You need to get it.

      So the NARP stuff for now is not about “the things he has brought to your attention” that detangling is down the track. What is the urgent necessity now is targeting in your body WHY you can’t let go. What is holding you in to any contact with him.

      And addressing and purging that out and bringing in Source to replace it. I don’t see this as much as about “your flaws” as about that “dire dependency”. I know it was the same for me.

      My heart goes out to you this is a crazy place when we are in it – and please come into the NARP Forum for help.

      Mel xo

  • jac.lea@westnet.com.au'
    Lucy
    May 22, 2018

    To me, triggers are felt internally. Precognitive things are external, as well – a big stab of fear in the heart, the sense of a massive magnet trying to pull you back from danger, a sort of ‘knowing’ from above, a brief whirling rushing ‘everything at once’ sensation from the right …

    I’ve had a few intuitions of danger but never realised what was happening until later. One took about 40kmp off my driving speed, just enough to save my life on the next hill. Another I ignored and forced myself to keep walking with the result I tripped on a wire and broke my arm.
    So, I tend to disagree it does not matter. I’d like to be more ‘aware’ should I get the same sensations again. I think you probably have the likeliest route to that end – good self-care, keeping in touch with the body, sweeping out the debris, being present …..

    In the ’90s I used to drive up and down to the city a lot, using a short-cut through Snowtown. I was driving back about 11pm one night when my car started playing up. I looked out to a farmhouse light across the paddocks and thought, ‘oh well if I break down I can walk across there’ … and a ‘silent voice’ in my mind screamed back No! Danger! Back then, I would never have taken a voice in the head seriously, so it may be as well my car didn’t break down, as a year or so later we discovered the farmhouse I passed was a ‘bodies in barrels’ house.

    So, I’d rather be warned than not. I think intuition is worth cultivating.

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angélique
    September 24, 2018

    In my experience, intuition warnings and wound triggers feel drastically different. They’re not even in the same places in my body. Intuition isn’t actually charged with swirling emotion, it’s very matter of fact and linked to intricate revealing patterns that make total sense. It shows you stuff in a detached dispassionate way. How you react to it is where the wounds come into play. Wound triggers have the opposite effect, instead of widening your view they concentrate it and zoom in instead of out on overwhelming pain to make you go into it so you can address it.
    The only problem I’ve had with my intuition was not wanting to look at darkness with dire consequences but I have made myself look, a lot and in details and I am no longer afraid.
    Trauma clearing clears your intuition like a great big chimney sweep! My intuition has very irritatingly never been wrong so far, however much and long I have tried to ignore it. We are friends now at last.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 24, 2018

      Hi Angelique,

      I love what you have shared with us all here.

      Thank you, this was perfectly explained.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nataliegeraerts4@skynet.be'
    nath
    November 2, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    I look to this episode because for the moment I’m trying to start again with my profession-self-employed after serious narcissistic abuse. Thing is I want to become financially independent asap from ex (he needs to pay now) but I tried 4 times now to step into a group practice. The first time the distance was also part of the problem but the other 3 times it seems people try to take advantage from me financially (and I’m triggered then since I lost everything in this aspect, the narc really destroyed my business).
    Does it mean that I need to heal further before trying to search for a job because I’m radiating the frequency of my wounds now? I planned to start my business here at home again but then the narc who doesn’t know where I live said he or his proxy’s will find me and it scared me because of what happened in the past.
    Can you give me any advice in this? how to regain my power? To build my business up again?
    thank you!
    Nath

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 2, 2018

      Hi Nath,

      In our Quantum universe of so within so without, any strong emotional programs we have about our life do play out.

      Personally I wouldn’t consider the doingness on something when I know my beingness is still traumatised by.

      Have you checked out my free inner transformational resources? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      If you are already connected to them and NARP then it really is about dedicating to the Module work for this fear and then proceeding once it’s cleared.

      Dedicated Module work creates breakthroughs very quickly.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • nataliegeraerts4@gmail.com'
        Nath
        November 4, 2018

        Thank you very much Mel for this clear answer.

        Yes I’m working with the NARP modules and the free resources.
        I also went to a lady who was going to do footreflexology but once there she also has a healing way and she felt like you describe that the toxix energy gets in our system and you become negatively loaded and so within so without. Together with NARP it felt like a heavy bag fakking from my shoulders😊 and when the person called who’s offering me a job I could calmly explain what my needs are and what seems financially a honest deal to me. To my surprise she said she could follow my vision and is willing to look how we can make a deal we are both satisfied with. For me it’s important that she’s also willing then to put this change in a contract if I would engage…so not I think it means I still need to clear further trauma. I mean it’s important to have trust again in people but a contract needs to be what is dicussed for me. So I started to have difficult conversations😊
        Thanks 💕🙏
        Nath

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 4, 2018

          Hi Nath,

          It’s my pleasure and that’s fabulous that you are clearing trauma and showing up authentically.

          As Thrivers who love and respect ourselves and take full responsibility for our own boundaries, contracts are essential.

          Good for you for standing in your truth!

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nataliegeraerts4@gmail.com'
    nath
    November 5, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you very much for the support and clear answers.
    I saw the videos about no contact but it seems i can only make a public comment there and I rather prefer not to do this.
    But I recognize your story so much. I was 18 y in a relationship with a narc and everyone still finds it a wonder how I came out of it the way I did…and alive. The divorce is since June and I moved far away since we have no children. What made me go for the divorce was the fact that after a very serious and painful uterine embolisation where i came out of the operation with many complications. One of them paralyzed legs they were not sure were going to recover. Then his mask dropped fully. Instead of caring in any way he did nothing when a nurse without any reason refused go give me morphine the doctor prescribed (btw my ex is also a doctor and did nothing to help!). and he dropped me in a hotel after the operation since I wan not able to take care of myself and he was not willing to do it. We had a practice together and I left everything.
    Now I live at the seaside but I need to build up everything. Sometimes I had contact with him because we still need to arrange some things but he uses that to hurt me, say he will find me,…Some people are telling me I need to go back and stand for the things that were mine. My name is still on the door bell of our business and he tells everyone we’re still married but that I’m home and only see people via Skype…I’m certain I’m smeared and it’s now clear to me that he began to break down everything I had from the beginning of the relationship. A couple of days ago I thought: maybe they are right and I need to go back and pick up my life there (not with him) but since he stripped me financially that would mean that I would need to ask him to help me to find a place there…and why should he do that anyway? Well, he wrote down all the cruel things he did to me on paper. Very unusual I think for a narc. He wrote that he watched how i was abused in the hospital without doing something, about the stalking of his family and how he deleted evidence from my mobile, his porn addiction and so many other things like how he ruined my business. i didn’t use this in the divorce against him. We came to mutual agreements because he didn’t want to have this in the open or in front a judge. I don’t know why he did this. Probably he thought i was going to tolerate his behavior further…But now i’m sitting/lying here with a severe flew since I nearly tried to have a conversation with him about returning home. Some people find i need to ask back what he took away and with the evidence I have against him there is a big chance he will follow in. The find this standing in my power. But when I look to your videos about no contact and all your other videos and the narp work i wonder if the way of lying pressure on him with evidence to go back to an environment where I was so betrayed is going to help? I notice that every time I have contact it’s so toxic and like you told about yourself I feel that trying to deal with this men is destructive. So some people say I ran away and that holding my ground or returning is standing in my power…but it feels like it could be the final punch he can give me. Stay away: physically (distance), emotionally, mentally, spiritually and set up boundaries when he will try to breach them here seems a better, healthier option even if it means starting all over?

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