Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. It is not like a normal breakup.

If you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.

I can’t wait to share how to deal with the inevitable smearing, cruel discard, and unrealistic entitlement by the narcissist and how to protect your emotional, spiritual and mental self and your precious children.

Video Transcript

Breaking up with a narcissist is not easy.

It’s nothing like the ending of a normal relationship.

If you don’t know what a narcissist is capable of, or what to expect, it will leave you reeling.

However, if you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.

That’s exactly what I want to help you achieve, by sharing this episode with you today.

If you really need this information, because you have already split up, or are in the split up process, or you know that you are heading towards it, please let me know in the comments below.

Okay, let’s get started on today’s episode!

This Person Won’t Care About You

For many of you, I know that this is a hugely difficult time during the coronavirus epidemic.

Many of you are still stuck with a narcissist even though maybe you were about to break up. Or you have broken up, even though you are still living together, or you know that you desperately need to break up.

Whichever case it is, or if you are still struggling in the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, I hope that this information can help you.

Let’s start off with how a narcissistic character rolls during and after breakups.

When dealing with a narcissist, even at the best of times, this person doesn’t think or operate like a normal human being. It’s not personal, they just don’t have the capacity to be any other way apart from it being all about them.

I can’t express to you enough how important it is to not get hung up on expecting decency, normality or sensibility when separating from a narcissist.

The narcissist is not concerned about your welfare, or how healthily you can move on after the relationship ends. According to the perpetual victimhood of narcissism, it’s actually you that has treated them abysmally and are to blame for everything.

The narcissist will want to punish you. He or she believes you need to suffer for what you’ve done.

None of this is based on rationale, and it’s not something that you can argue with the narcissist. Narcissistic reasoning can’t be reasoned with, all you can do is protect yourself against it.

When breaking up with the narcissist, make sure that you safeguard everything that you can. Many people have been shocked to discover money was taken out of bank accounts, furniture was removed and hidden, and personal items that were close to your heart were hijacked, never to be handed over.

I know that this is even more of a challenge during the times of this pandemic, but please think smart, and keep your cards close to your chest. Make your moves and secure your things in a way that the narcissist does not know about and be very careful who you tell and trust.

Narcissists are very good at keeping allies close to them.

The Inevitable Smearing

There will be incredible lies spread to all and sundry about the “terrible” person you are, and all the apparent bad things that you have done and are doing.

Not only will this information be fabricated, stretched or incomplete; it is likely to be a projection of what the narcissist did and is doing themselves.

I know this can sucker punch so hard that you wonder how you will ever recover from it. Yet, I really want to emphasise that this behaviour is completely normal for a narcissist. Expect it, and then it won’t be as much of a shock.

Let go of being mortified by these outrageous behaviours and actions, so that you don’t hook in trying to receive justice. If you react it is going to make matters so much worse for you.

It’s vital that you detach, keep releasing all of these intense feelings of trauma and injustice and keep as healthy and whole on the inside as you can.

This is the most powerful formula regarding being able to navigate what is necessary.

The less affected you are and the less you feed what is happening the stronger the position you’re in to get through this.

Being Discarded Cruelly

When relationships disintegrate in a narcissist’s life, he or she must change “the scene of the play” to appease and protect their ego.

This includes discrediting and devaluing you as now being unimportant and irrelevant. It also includes creating a “new script” and throwing the old one in the trash.

This means that you will be written out of his or her life as if you never existed.

I know of so many people, even after decades of being married to a narcissist, being discarded and treated with complete indifference and cruelty, and being completely shattered.

Especially after giving their heart, soul, allegiance and energy to this person for so long.

If this happens, please know as personal as it feels, it is just the way a narcissist operates.

My highest suggestion to you, rather than going through the agony of months or even years of the torturous emotions of this, is to turn inside and start healing and quickly get relief.

I promise you this works to get free of the most horrific trauma there is.

My NARP program will move you through the grief and devastation very quickly, which brings relief, as well as helping you be strong for what is coming ahead.

Unrealistic Entitlement

When a narcissist breaks up, he or she believes that they are entitled to as much as they can get their hands on.

This is no different to the narcissist’s behaviour and attitude anyway, which is completely self-absorbed.

Not only is the narcissist callous about how you will fare in the future, he or she believes (through any insane justification) that they should be getting the majority, if not all the goodies.

You will experience ridiculous settlement expectations and even barbaric solicitor-initiated demands.

Don’t try to cut a fair deal, because it just won’t be possible.

There are really only two options that you are left with, which is stand up and keep releasing the trauma that is being triggered and fight the fair fight legally, or be prepared to relinquish a great deal of what is rightly yours and walk away.

Only you know what will be right for you.

In the past I let go and relinquished and rebuilt, incredibly successfully, because I was able to take my soul, healing and freedom back.

However, with what I know now, I would have released the trauma and taken the narcissist legally through the courts.

I have seen so many wonderful and incredible results that Thrivers have achieved as a result of doing the inner work with NARP and then calmly and solidly taking legal action.

If you Google my name and the words “court”, “custody” and “settlement” you will find numerous resources on this topic to help you.

Throwing the New Supply in Your Face

This is one of the cruellest things that can happen, and it happens regularly with a narcissist, when your relationship ends with them.

He or she may make sure you discover the new love in their life, and paint a picture as if this person is so much better for them than you ever were.

To add insult to injury the narcissist will integrate with this person’s life and include them into theirs and quite possibly your children’s lives too, as if the life they had with you never existed.

Naturally, the trauma from being replaced with ‘new supply’ is devastating. It’s one of the worst things anyone can experience.

It is probable that you are experiencing so much trauma and shock that you couldn’t even think of beginning a new relationship. Unlike the narcissist who can move on in the time that it takes to boil an egg. It’s just what they do.

I promise you with all my heart that when you release and heal from these terrible inner traumatic feelings, you won’t care who the narcissist is with and you will be relieved that it’s not you.

NARP helps you get there very quickly and powerfully, and it’s a beautiful day when you reach this place! Take it from me. I went through this as well.

The Effect on Your Children

I know that so many of you are extremely concerned about the effect on your children, when breaking up with a narcissist.

This is a topic very dear to my heart, as it was a huge journey for me personally with my son Zac.

As a Mother, over the last decade plus, I have been deeply heart-connected to thousands of people abused by narcissists, regarding helping their children.

When breaking up with a narcissist this is a very difficult time for you and your relationship with your children, because of all the trauma that you’re experiencing. Additionally, the narcissist may be attempting to alienate you from your children.

At no time is it more vital to be able to heal and stay emotionally solid and strong. It may seem impossible to do so, especially when you feel such concern for your children as well.

I promise you that with intense and dedicated inner work it is possible.

I’d love to include several resources on this topic for you that are on the blog:

How to Help Your Children Who Are Affected By Narcissists

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake

And …

What to do When You’re Alienated From Your Child

(For additional resources on this topic, all you need to do is google my name + children, and many more will come up for you.)

Dealing With the Aftershock

You may be stunned to discover that after leaving a narcissist, relief doesn’t come.

In fact, it is normal that the painful feelings and trauma will escalate and get worse before they get better.

People in your life may not understand this. They think … “Because you are away from this person, aren’t you supposed to be getting better now?”

Nothing could be further from the truth. What is more likely is that you will feel like you are having a cataclysmic breakdown.

In my article How to Leave The Narcissist With Your Emotions Intact I wrote this:

“‘Aftershock’ is a very real phenomenon after leaving a narcissist. When you are stuck in the fight with the narcissist you are in survival mode, and somehow that keeps you alive.

When you leave the narcissist, you will experience grave Complicated and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms. Not unlike a wartime survivor, the entire trauma has a chance to hit when you have got away.

The abuse from yesterday, last week, last month and last year now activates. You are also caught up in the intense mind-bending withdrawal of the addiction to the trauma.”

My greatest recommendation to you at this time is:

Don’t try to tend to your aftershock logically.

Our trauma comes from a much deeper, unconscious place within us that is operating below the level of the logical mind. It needs to be met at a body, somatic level, in order to be released from it.

So many people, myself included, found powerful and quick relief as a result of releasing the trauma from our cellular Inner Beings.

By removing the horrific panic, fight and flight, and all of the obsessive feelings including longing and regret, this grants an emotional platform to find a way up and out of the abuse and into our new and true life.

I promise you, just like coronavirus, this horribly stressful time CAN pass.

You will get through this, and myself and this community stand with you and for you to help you do that.

Those of you who are interested in learning more about NARP, and what Quanta Freedom Healing can do for you, I’d love you to join me in my upcoming free Masterclass which is on Wednesday the 29th of April, where you can learn the deeper Quantum Truths about healing for real, and how they have liberated thousands of people, just like you, into abuse free Thriving lives.

You can sign up to my free Masterclass by clicking this link.

I can’t wait to join with you, for profound healing there!

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Which part of the cycle are you at?  Is it idolise? Or is it devalue? Or maybe you’ve been discarded?

Each phase is traumatising, deeply so, exactly because they know how to hook into your unhealed trauma and make it hurt.

First, they will purport to fulfil all your dreams and desires and then turn them against you one by one.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I’ll explain to you how to relate these cycles of abuse to the trauma that we are experiencing in our body.

I deeply hope this helps you, by being able to untangle what is going on, so that you can access a faster and much more powerful recovery journey.

Video Transcript

Today, I want to truly help you understand trauma and how it relates to the cycles of narcissistic abuse.

There are three main cycles of narcissistic abuse that are perpetrated on you, these are idolise, devalue and discard. You may have heard about them and studied them.

But how do these cycles relate to the trauma that we are experiencing in our bodies at the time of these stages?

I hope that not only will you find this episode fascinating, but that it will also help grant you vital information regarding your recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Okay, so just before we get started I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission and spreading the word that it is now possible to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.

If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do so by clicking the link below this video.

Okay, so now, let’s get started!

The Trauma of “Idolise”

In the love bombing stage of narcissistic abuse, the narcissist is hooking into our past traumas.

Let me explain. These are the traumas of not feeling seen, heard or met.

Maybe, we felt invisible in a family of origin or in previous relationships. Yet, now, the narcissist has turned on the love gushing and attentiveness in such a way that we feel SO “met”. This causes us to feel like a parched person lost in the desert who has just found their oasis.

Narcissists are highly skilled at working out very quickly what has hurt you and what you are missing in your life. They then turn it on to seemingly grant you the rectification and a surplus of these specific things.

Thus, you bond very quickly with this person and let them into your heart, soul and life. It totally is the feeling of having connected with your soul mate.

In relation to a family member, or a work colleague or friend or another connection in your life, the idolise stage is about flattering you or being nice to you in order to groom and mine you to fulfil their own agenda.

Trusting the narcissist is vital for them to secure narcissistic supply, which is the energy from you that allows him or her to feel that they exist.

Possibly, you have experienced deception, betrayal and even adultery in your previous relationships. If a high functioning narcissist realises this, then they can purport to you that honesty, loyalty and monogamy are very important values to them and that they would never hurt you.

Of course, you may feel like you have hit the jackpot!

The same goes if you feel that you have been engulfed, controlled and distrusted previously, and this person seems to grant you space and trust in spades!

Here is this dream person you have been waiting for all your life!

Of course, we can say “How horrible that people dupe people in this way, pretending to be something that they aren’t!” Yet I promise you that thinking you’ve been “duped” equals how to lose regarding taking your power back and generating your safe, loving and healthy life.

As a Thriver, it’s vital to understand that we are responsible for our own boundaries and not to put them in the hands of other people who could be lying to us!

Healing and empowering and shoring up our own lives is never about stopping everybody else from lying, it’s about us being anchored in our loyalty, truthfulness and healthy boundaries to ourselves.

Absolutely, once upon a time, I chose to trust people blindly, even when my Inner Being was flashing extreme warning signs to me.

I ignored the signs because I didn’t want to speak up, rock the boat or risk this person leaving me because I didn’t “trust” them.

Now, as a result of trusting myself, I understand the following truths that apply to all of us regarding the previous traumas that have caused us to be susceptible to pathological and toxic individuals.

These understandings are vital to shore up not being able to lay boundaries or create our healthy and safe truth regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing:

1) If we inwardly meet the traumas from our birth families and previous relationships and heal them, then we will not be susceptible to somebody offering us “being saved” from these traumas. We have already achieved that for ourselves.

2) When we are healed and whole, we can take our time with people and get to know their character before committing our soul, body, life and finances to them.

3) If we have done enough inner work on our traumas, we can be ourselves. Meaning we can easily speak up, have the difficult conversations and be willing to walk away from any person and deal that starts to become unhealthy for us.

Okay now let’s get onto the next stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

The Trauma of “Devalue”

In the devaluing stage of narcissistic abuse, the narcissist is triggering our past traumas as well – the traumas of being invalidated, unloved and others not recognising us as good and honest people.

When the narcissist switches from being attentive, loving and caring, into starting to attack the very wounds that we thought that he or she was easing for us, it is intensely painful.

The promise of love, wholeness and safety that we were feeling, is now in dire jeopardy.

In regard to a family member, or any other narcissistic relationship, it’s extremely painful that this person, now, is not treating us how they should.

After feeling seen, heard and met (in the idolise stage) now there is cruel indifference, insults and abandonment.

After once being assured of loyalty and fidelity, we are now incredibly anxious that the narcissist is being disloyal and even adulterous behind our back.

After believing that we are honoured and given space and trusted, the accusations and insinuations start flying. And they cannot be appeased or resolved, no matter what we say or do.

What is happening?

The life that we thought we would be having with this person, or should be having, has turned into a nightmare.

Again, we get horrifically hooked into the insanity of it all, fighting to try to get this person to return to the “wonderful” person who we believe they should be. The harder we try to get them to do this, the worse things get.

So many of us have been there.

I was there too, fighting for accountability, sensibility and kindness that were impossible to get, and experiencing escalating abuse every time I tried.

What is the message in this?

This … the narcissist was never going to stop this behaviour or help us heal because he or she is not the saviour of these traumas.

The narcissist is the messenger of them.

What is it that is getting triggered from within you?

For me it was injustice, invalidation, betrayal and feeling intensely engulfed and distrusted.

These have been traumas which had plagued me all my life, and as a result of narcissistic abuse, they had hit critical mass. They were making me sick; they were breaking me down, they were destroying the fabric of my very Inner Being.

I was being attacked by him with my wounds. They were the bullets that he was using against me.

I had missed this message before. Now it was a whopping great billboard that had almost completely flattened me.

The message is the same as it is for all of us …

Turn inwards and become our own saviour by finding and healing these original traumas that are keeping us hooked into the narcissist trying to force him or her to “do it differently this time”.

The truths to embrace in this stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle are:

1) If we heal the traumas that are being dreadfully triggered in the devaluing stage, then we will emerge unaffected, no longer trying to get the narcissist to stop behaving like this. This is because we are no longer triggered by this person.

2) Then, because this behaviour is no longer our reality, (we no longer have the inner wounding that matches it) we will speak up, lay boundaries and leave if healthy behaviour is not forthcoming.

3) There is no longer a need for “closure”, “accountability” or the narcissist to “get it” or “make amends”. We have taken the gift of our own healing and evolution forward as well as the personal resolution and up-levelling in our life that was necessary.

4) In the future, we can be very quick to reject people who don’t have the resources to have healthy relationships with us. This is because we are no longer playing out the painful unconscious patterns of our old original wounds.

The Trauma of “Discard”

In many ways, this stage of the cycle triggers the most intense and panicked emotions of all.

This is where we come face-to-face with the huge terror of “abandonment”.

This one was enormous for me, as it is for so many of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse.

When I was abandoned by both narcissists, I freaked out. I would feel like I was dying. I would literally shake and even vomit with the terror of being “left to die”.

This deep primal trauma is embedded in so many of us, deeply within our Inner Identity.

When it goes off within us, we may hand over all our rights, values and even soul to try to not be abandoned. We can’t stop going back to the narcissist, even though he or she may be treating us terribly.

This is why, when separating from him or her, despite the horrific abuse, you can’t seem to let go, move on, stop obsessing or believe that you can live without this person.

There can be many deep inner wounds tied up into these feelings, but fundamentally “abandonment wounds” as well as trauma bonding is the reason for this. Such wounds are why it is so hard to stop breaking No Contact or move on from the obsession of what happened to you.

Personally, I know that if I hadn’t turned inwards to find and completely heal my abandonment traumas that I would not be alive today. They were literally killing me.

My heart goes out to so many of you who I know and recognise are dealing with these deep primal wounds as well.

These traumas powerfully hijack your entire being and have a life of their own. Mere logic or any amount of talk therapy and cognitive information can be completely useless in the face of such intense and engulfing urges.

This is what I know is necessary when this critical mass breakdown hits you:

1) Going within with an effective tool to find, load up and release those panicked, powerful traumas in order to go free from them, is what will save you. My NARP Program does this more effectively than anything else I know. It removes the panic and the intense addictive urges to reconnect, allowing you to stay away and safe.

2) Once you are no longer triggered into young and powerless wounds that have been causing you to retain connection to somebody for deep primal needs of survival, then you start to emerge as a healthy and whole self-generative adult force of your life to yourself. (The relief of this is indescribable!)

3) Going forward you are in a much more solid, mature and whole inner emotional position to make healthy choices regarding people and situations and look after yourself no matter who or what other people are doing.

4) This establishes a powerful healthy platform to be attracted to other healthy and whole mature people in your future.

Trauma Recovery is Key

You may have realised that my work is ALL about trauma recovery.

Trauma is responsible for everything in our life that derails us.

Trauma is not our natural state. As humans, we think that it is normal because it has been a normal part of the traumatic human experience, but in no way is it natural.

Trauma is not Who We Really Are.

The experience of narcissistic abuse and its three cycles are all about forcing us to our knees to go within to face and release ourselves from the trauma that has been causing us to have less than humane, fulfilling and safe interpersonal experiences.

When we emerge as trauma free, we are able to make healthy and empowered choices, that eliminate unhealthy people and situations from our life.

I hope that this has helped inspire you to know that there is a way out, no matter what stage of the cycle of narcissistic abuse that you’re in.

If this deeply resonates with you, I would love you to check out my NARP program, which to date, humbly, is the most effective trauma releasing and healing system that I know of to move you up and beyond narcissistic abuse.

As well as anything else that you feel plagued and stuck with.

You can learn more about NARP by clicking this link.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

It’s completely understandable why you would want to warn people about the narcissist. Because narcissists seem to keep getting away with it.

Innocent people get torn apart and hurt.

However, myself and so many people, have experienced that trying to warn other people just didn’t work.

It only made things even more traumatizing and devastating for us, and turned people, including family and friends and even authorities, against us.

Video Transcript

This is a very important question. So many people ask, “Should I warn this person about the narcissist?”

Those of us who have tried in the past have suffered some very poor results when doing this. I know that many of you would like to help other people so they do not go through what you have, especially people who you love.

However, this usually doesn’t turn out well.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, we investigate why warning people usually doesn’t work, and what you CAN do to help people leave and recover from narcissists.

Okay, so before we get started, thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver mission, which is the raising of awareness that it is possible to heal for real from narcissistic abuse, in a much shorter time frame than with contemporary processes.

Okay now let’s get started on today’s episode.

When You Are Traumatised Don’t Act

Most of us, when trying to warn somebody about the narcissist, were still very deeply entrenched in the trauma of what this person had done to us.

Like Bill. His wife Denise left him for Jeff, one of her work contacts. Denise had always been the “street angel, home devil”. This person had no idea what she was like behind closed doors.

Of course, Bill had been smeared to Jeff and Jeff believed Denise’s version of things. Bill, traumatised beyond measure, tried to get Jeff to understand what had happened and what Denise was really like – but it only made Bill look even more guilty of what Denise had portrayed him as.

I want you to know with all my heart that there is a very profound and absolute Quantum Law, and it is this: if you try to take any action from a place of being traumatised, the results of your actions are only ever going to bring you more trauma.

This Law of so within, so without is as absolute as gravity.

Think back through your life, and you will know that what I’m saying is completely and utterly true. Your real-life results are the proof.

This applies when we try to warn the new supply, our children, family and friends and even authorities.

This happened to me horrifically. The harder I tried to warn people and prove my own innocence the more his family, my family, my friends, colleagues and all legal and police associations completely believed that I was the problem.

Even my son believed him.

Of course, we want these people to know the truth. We want to stop the horrific smearing that is happening to us. We want to warn those who are being bewitched and mesmerized by the narcissist.

However, if you try to achieve this while you are still suffering from intense trauma, forget it. It only makes matters worse for you.

In fact, the narcissist will use your trauma against you, as the bullets to shoot you with.

Let Go of Your Dismay

Marie, like most of us before Thriver Healing, was distraught by how many people believed the narcissist and thought badly of her.

Her family was even still socially inviting the narcissist to functions!

The trauma was so horrific for Marie that she thought she was going to die.

She felt intense resentment and betrayal toward these people.

I promise you, even though you may feel justified in feeling this, you will be stuck in Wrong Town. There is no healing or resurrection of your life in this orientation.

It can be helpful to understand that narcissists are very skilled at appearing calm, cool and measured. In stark contrast, you are likely to be completely dishevelled and distraught and feel out of control.

Who appears to be more believable?

Narcissists are able to cross all boundaries and borders by lying about anything and everything that will suit their agenda. Normal adults have been conditioned to believe that when somebody looks you in the eyes and appears to be credible, that they are telling you the truth.

I remember some years ago a very dear friend of mine John was married to Grace. I started to discover that Grace was a deeply troubled woman and had quite a few narcissistic traits.

Yet, she told me stories about John that were so compelling that I started to believe them. This was even after I had become a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert!

One morning, whilst staying at their home, I overheard a conversation that Grace had with John. She later relayed a completely different version to me. It was then that I realised she had been lying to me all along, and I broke off all contact with her.

Why had I believed her instead of John? It was because I’m a normal human being who can still be susceptible to someone’s narcissistic Academy Award performance.

Don’t blame these people, it can happen to anybody!

The People Involved Are on a Soul Journey

Those of us who’ve been narcissistically abused and have actualised our Thriver Recovery understand a very deep truth.

This … the narcissist in our life smashed our unhealed wounds and insecurities up to the surface so that we could let go of them and turn inwards to self-partner to heal these parts of ourselves.

There, in a nutshell, within the healing of these wounds, is the gold of our personal evolution.

If we hadn’t done this, we would still be traumatised and diminished, living in mere survival stuck with all the abuse symptoms of ongoing PTSD, agoraphobia, diminished trust in self, life and others and all the other nasties that go with failed recoveries.

But, because we went through a very real healing journey, we are incredibly grateful to be not just released from narcissistic abuse, but also from all of our previous insecurities, limitations, anxieties and depression that were holding us back as a result of not yet being fully self-partnered.

Narcissistic abuse generated the grist that forced us to finally turn inside to do this essential inner work.

As such, this brings a completely different perspective regarding wanting to warn others. You know the truth now, that everyone who is hooked into a narcissist is also going through an incredible soul journey themselves.

They now have the opportunity to also heal and evolve those parts of themselves that are susceptible and being targeted and smashed up to the surface.

This I know with every ounce of my Being, if people are saved prematurely from this journey with a narcissist, they still have to meet up with another abuser in the future who will deliver the same agonising trauma.

Why? Because this is a soul contract. This is what this person’s soul and true Inner Being wants more than anything – for this person to give up trying to seek outer false sources to take away the pain, and come home to being self-partnered and healed within themself.

What soul wouldn’t want that?

There are no mistakes here.

How do you feel about what I just shared with you? I would love you to pause this video and write to me how this feels for you below.

The Most Powerful Thing You Can do to Help

I know that the most powerful thing that I can ever do regarding helping somebody who is with a narcissist, is to heal myself regarding how I “see” them.

If I see this person as a powerless victim, then I add to the Energetic Field, where we are all interconnected, regarding them being a powerless and helpless victim.

If I heal within myself how I see this person and reach the true knowing that they are an evolving being awakening to their own empowered and wholeness evolution, then I add to THAT reality occurring.

It is because of understanding all of this powerfully that my greatest mission is to hold the space for all of us, to awaken into the glory of this experience and exactly what our soul intends for us.

When I do this, for those whom I love and care about, I’ve experienced the sheer miracle, time and time again, of people rising up to claim this higher level of vibration.

Those of you who are NARP members I cannot recommend enough, for the people in your life who you love to do the healing on yourself regarding how you feel about it.

Heal that and then see the incredible results unfold.

So, to wrap up this episode, my total recommendation is not to try to warn people.

Rather, heal you and be the example who will change the world.

At the moment healing our world is very important because it is deeply in crisis. There is a greater need now more than ever for us to claim our personal solidness, peace and power for ourselves personally, and for those we love and our world.

Please know that my Quanta Freedom Healing programs are all home-based and backed with an incredible global support system that you have access to 24/7. This means that you don’t need to travel anywhere and that you can stay in the peace and sanctity of your own home while you deeply heal.

To find out more, please click this link.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

You may be shocked at how you keep chasing after the narcissist even when he or she is treating you so badly.

The verbal and emotional abuse could be escalating and there may even be threats or realities of other lovers.

You know that you should pull away and stop going back in for more, but you just can’t seem to stop yourself.

In today’s video, we look at exactly why this is happening to you. As well as how to heal from this and be released from this terrible nightmare that is ripping you to pieces.

Video Transcript

Sexual attraction and addiction are very powerful things. A narcissist knows how to trigger that within you.

It can be very hard to understand why you may be feeling the compulsion to keep having sex with a narcissist, even though he or she is treating you horribly.

How can relationships be so compelling horizontally, yet so painful vertically?

This is exactly what we are exploring in today’s TTV episode.

But before we get started, I’d just like to thank all of you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and raising awareness that yes, we can now heal from narcissistic abuse for real.

Okay, now let’s get going on today’s episode.

What is Sexual Obsession?

Sexual obsession is fraught with anxiety. The easiest way to think about this is that the urges are similar to those of any addiction.

The feelings of going without the connection with this person and sex with them, may bring up feelings of loss, emptiness, anxiety and even panic.

All of these feelings are letting us know that we have emotionally entered Wrong Town, meaning that this experience is not a True Self one. Our soul communicates very effectively to us via our feelings, regarding what is healthy or not.

Healthy union brings calm, solid and serene feelings of warmth and love. These are not the emotionally charged highs and lows that come with sexual relations with a narcissist.

One minute you are feeling the hope of being worthy and adored. The next you’re feeling anxious, insecure and abandoned.

I really want you to understand that connection and sexual activity with a narcissist, if intensely compelling, is an addiction cycle. As with all addictions, this comes with the high of the emptiness and the craving being fulfilled. It’s otherwise known as “relief”.

This is akin to a person who is nicotine addicted, craving a cigarette, and then as soon as they draw in the first mouthful of smoke, there is the self-medication of escaping the anxious feelings of not having nicotine.

Yet, truly, as myself and so many other people who were able to give up smoking with NARP processes discovered, there was something much deeper going on emotionally than just nicotine addiction.

Smoking was really an act of trying to fill up and numb out an emotional trauma that wasn’t yet healed.

And it doesn’t work. If we don’t get to the bottom of why we are emotionally craving something that is not good for us, temporary fleeting relief happens when we connect to it, yet the anxiety is never truly fulfilled and healed.

It is always going to keep coming back, much worse than ever.

Sex with a narcissist is the same.

The Narcissist – The Representative of the Unhealed Wound

All addictions have this incredibly insidious cycle, they feel like they are granting us relief, yet they are bringing us more of the same of what we actually need the relief from.

How do you know if you are stuck in this cycle? You know when you are feeling dire emptiness and anxieties when you are going without sex with this person.

Jeannie craved Gary and his touch and lovemaking. If Gary hadn’t contacted her for a few days, professing that he was out of town, Jeannie could barely function.

She believed that this must be proof of her intense feelings of love for him.

It wasn’t until she found out that he had been having affairs all along and then confronted him, that she discovered it was as if she never existed for him.

After feeling beyond broken, Jeannie decided to give NARP healing a go.

In her new healed up Thriver life Jeannie is now with Mark enjoying safe, comfortable and healthy sex. There is zero anxiety when she is not with him.

As Jeannie said, “Until I healed I had no idea what healthy sex was!”

In Jeannie’s previous life, as it was for me and so many of us, we were connected emotionally and sexually to the people who completely and utterly represented our unhealed inner trauma programming.

Let me explain.

Let’s say that you were brought up in a family with a parent who was unavailable to love you. They were too busy and stuck in their own stuff and ignored you.

As a young child you desired connection with them. You may have tried all sorts of things to be noticed, held and loved, to little or no avail.

Your Inner Love Code, since you were a young child consisted of, “the people I love ignore me.” This then becomes, “I am not valuable or worthy of love.” This then means that you will unconsciously try to prove yourself and earn love regardless of how people love you back.

As your now programmed Love Code, this represents the people who are attractive to you. The people who you feel the most chemically bonded to fulfil the prophecy of that belief.

It’s your Love Code. It’s your literal Inner Identity in regard to love.

Sex as an adult represents that unmet and unhealed need for connection as a child. The younger part of you seeking resurrection and healing is hooked on wanting the original role models to do it better this time, and choosing the same unavailable people and program over and over again.

When the Sex Feels so Good

Maybe the sex isn’t that great, however you feel like this is the best sex of your life.

The more chemically charged it is, and trauma bonded, the more heightened the sexual experience can be.

Again think “relief”. The union of sex takes away the agony of separation from it, which really means the separation from being loved and feeling worthy.

Sexual connection with a narcissist is such a powerful bond, that can be incredibly confusing and painful.

It usually ends in disaster, because the cycles of devaluing and discarding inevitably get worse. To add horror to injury, often the narcissist will throw other sexual partners into the mix, leaving you feeling even more devastatingly replaced and abandoned.

Why is all of this happening? To awaken you to understand what is really going on, and why you can’t stop getting into bed with a narcissist, even when it means selling your soul out and compromising your dignity.

Penny had the horrific experience of throwing herself sexually at her narcissistic ex-lover, to try to avoid being replaced and abandoned.

Never before had she lowered her values and standards so much as to offer herself sexually on a plate to him no matter how badly he treated her.

Things got so bad for Penny that she really thought that if she didn’t stop doing this to herself that she would die – that is how serious it was.

(Please know Penny is not alone, you may know exactly what I’m talking about.)

Penny was urged by other members of this community to start doing the NARP work to get to the bottom of why she had lost all her honour, dignity and rights and was behaving in this way.

Thank goodness Penny stopped pursuing him and turned inwards to start her healing. It saved her life.

What she discovered was the young hurt parts of herself that had experienced her father emotionally abandoning her mother, herself and her siblings, and her mother’s pain, devastation and emotional absence as a result.

Penny had literal inner emotional terrors about being abandoned, which had never been healed. Unconsciously the lure of herself sexually was her tool to try to ensure this wouldn’t happen again.

Penny got to the inner work and down to the business of doing NARP Module One over and over again to clear out all of that old trauma.

She experienced profound relief. She stopped thinking about her ex-lover and all urges dissolved away. Because she had resurrected her Inner Being to be a mature healthy woman, instead of a traumatised little girl, Penny felt repulsed by the thought of contacting him again.

The spell was broken.

I really urge you, if you are suffering from sexual compulsion with a narcissist, to feel into your life in the past.

Does this person invalidate you and abuse you in ways that are familiar to you? Is this person distrusting of you in ways that remind you of how you were distrusted, and your boundaries were violated in the past?

Do you again feel like you’re having to prove your worth and value in order to be loved?

If you don’t know what exactly it is that you need to heal, please rest assured that if you do become a NARP member, that NARP bypasses your logical mind and takes you deeply inside yourself to find, release and reprogram the exact trauma that you need to heal.

You don’t have to work it out!

Your Sexual True Self and True Life

I have no doubt that great sex, otherwise known as ‘making love’, is the highest expression of Heaven on Earth. This is when two people can melt into each other in total surrender, becoming an explosion of joy and bliss infinite times greater than the individual parts of themselves.

There is an opportunity – within orgasmic conjoining – to know the true meaning of ‘Oneness’.

This Oneness is true “in-to-me-see”, the ability to completely be ourselves and “naked” with another.

This takes inner healing and development. It requires the willingness to face our unhealed previous business and heal it.

Maybe we have been trying to get love and connection in all the wrong ways.

Maybe we are trying to be the “incredible lover” so we can keep this person from really knowing our fears, our inadequacies, and the parts of ourselves we feel they will reject if they did find them out.

I know that this is really confronting stuff. I also know the glory of breaking through from all of the illusions and obsessions regarding narcissistic love, to get to the other side.

Namely, real, calm, loving and supported lovemaking with somebody who you can be truly naked with.

As well as a durably sustainable relationship with somebody who you can trust and build a life with.

The narcissist is never going to be this person.

If you are ready to embrace the healing and development necessary to get to this level then I’d love to help you.

You can start this journey today by clicking this link.

And please know, with what’s going on in the world right now, with coronavirus, with all of my programs and healing, you don’t need to leave your house.

You don’t need to go to any physical groups and you don’t need to travel to therapists.

You can do profound and revolutionary healing in the comfort and safety of your own home. And you are also connected to an incredible Thriver Healing global support network that has your back at any time when you need help.

Okay, so I hope that this episode has really helped you, and I can’t wait to answer your comments and your questions below.

Narcissists make you sick. Very sick. The reason is because you are being attacked emotionally within the very essence of your Being.

As a result of your traumatised emotions, and the biochemical processes that get set off within you, other aspects of your life will start to break down considerably – including your health.

Sadly, when people get very sick as a result of narcissistic abuse, they don’t know what to do to get well.

In today’s Thriving TV episode, I want to take you through the five ways to restore your health by TRULY healing what is going on within you.

Video Transcript

People ask all the time, “Is it possible for somebody to make me get this sick?”

Can their behaviour bring on such things as fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and PTSD and even more serious illnesses?

The answer is yes. If you hang out with people who are sick, which narcissists are, you get sick.

Narcissism is like a gaping black hole that gobbles up energy, health and resources from people. It literally sucks the Life Force out of your soul, which means that initially emotionally you become significantly affected and traumatised, and then all aspects of your life, including your health, start to break down substantially.

Today, in this episode, I want to share with you the five powerful ways that you can reverse what has been happening to you and restore your health.

But before we get started, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for subscribing to the Thriver Mission and supporting the fact that we can now heal for real from abuse.

And please, if you like this video, give it a thumbs up and share it with people who it can help.

Okay so let’s get started on today’s very important episode regarding how to restore your health. In Steps 1 to 4, we are going to set up the platform for you to have emotional well-being. Because this is essential if you are going to get well.

And then in Step 5, we’ll look at the additions, that even though they are not a healing solution in and of themselves, will supplement your emotional healing powerfully.

Step Number 1: Detach

It is impossible to get well when you are still ingesting the poison that is making you sick.

The more that you try to get a crazy person to act sanely, the more ridiculous and abusive things get. You can’t create safety and health with a disordered person.

The first essential step is to stop trying to get decency, clemency or compassion. Those commodities are not going to come from a narcissist. The only hope that you have of restoring your health is to pull away and stay away.

For No Contact (or Modified Contact such as in the case of co-parenting) to be effective, you really need to understand what it means.

No Contact, physically, is not enough.

Narcissistic abuse is a psychic phenomenon. Even if you are implementing No Contact with a narcissist, the abuse lives on inside you like a terrible virus. In fact, after leaving, you will go through what is known as “after-shock”. This is when all of the abuse from the past has a chance to catch up and hit you like a freight train.

Also, you will be feeling the incredibly addictive and withdrawal pulls of the peptide addiction that your body has been receiving regular doses of.

Many people, and I went through this as well, report that after leaving the narcissist the terror and the pain is worse than ever. This is all of the trauma that has been impregnated into your Inner Being rising up to the surface. Until this is addressed you may literally feel like you are losing your mind.

But I promise you that it doesn’t need to be this way!

This is why Step Number 1, pulling away and creating No Contact, is only the beginning of what you really need to do to get well.

Step Number 2: Take Your Focus Off the Narcissist and Onto Yourself

This is a counterintuitive step, yet vital in the recovery of your health.

Narcissists are a law unto themselves and energetically feed off our fear and pain. The more terrified you are, and in deep pain and disbelief about what he or she has done or can do, the more you feed the problem, rather than become the solution.

An important shift is needed here, rather than keeping your focus on, “What has happened to me or what could happen to me via this person in the future”, you need to focus on, “What parts of myself can I turn inwards to with love, and heal, to bring me back to wholeness?”

And … “What parts of myself were assigning and hanging on to this person as my source of love, approval, security and survival, instead of being healed and solid and powerful as these commodities to myself?”

And, “What parts of myself were handing my power away, instead of living aligned to my values, rights and truth?”

This second step is so vital. It is all about a powerful evolutionary shift from staying and remaining a victim powerless to change other people in order to change your own life, into becoming an evolving Master of your life by deeply doing the inner healing work.

I promise you it took me so long to accept this! And I would not be alive and Thriving if I hadn’t made this powerful switch. (This is why I am so passionate about inspiring you to do this as well.)

Immediately, as a result of courageously letting go of trying to monitor, predict, prescribed to, control, fix or change people who we have absolutely no ability to work with, and turning inwards to rescue and release ourselves from internal trauma, there is often a somatically felt immediate relief.

It’s our Inner Being telling us, “Thank goodness you have showed up for me … finally. You are the Being I have been waiting for all along! Those False Sources that you tried to get to substitute in your relationship with me, were never going to work!”

The relief is often felt even just with the intention that you’re going let go of the obsessional thoughts about the narcissist and turn inside to heal yourself. Even before you start doing the inner work!

This is because you are already on the path to wellness.

Step Number 3: Doing the Necessary Inner Work

There is only one way to change your life, and that is to change yourself.

You can’t change other people in order to feel better, do better and live better. The only entity that you can change is yourself. And it’s crazy that we were really never taught this! Our only power is within, and when you do the inner work you will discover that you emerge with a different Inner Love Code.

Which means that you will no longer be attractive to and attracted to people who hurt you.

Then, the glorious thing is, you will be able to be in life as yourself, safe and powerful and authentic and able to say ‘No”, whilst remaining whole when people are not healthy for you. You will be able to move on.

And as a result of your hard-earned inner work your relationships and entire life will change beyond description.

The only way that we ever learn how to do better is to get better, that’s the truth.

At the beginning, we may think that “doing better” simply means ignoring the narcissist and no longer reacting and just trying to get on with our lives.

After substantial abuse, even if you are capable of doing “grey rock”, and not getting hooked in anymore, it is still likely that you will still be suffering abuse symptoms such as PTSD, anxiety and depression and the obsessional thoughts that make it very difficult to have the energy to be happy, free and create a new and great life.

It’s exhausting trying to get healthy, whilst battling the inner trauma that is generating your emotions, thoughts and biological processes.

A much better way is to turn inwards and start doing the releasing work of all of these toxic traumas out from you. That frees up space. It makes way for your health to organically arise from within you. Your natural state is “health” without your internal trauma.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is a highly successful step-by-step system to get your inner work done. As a Gold member, it also comes supported with your NARP 24/7 community forum access, where you get incredible tips, suggestions and so much help.

You don’t have to do your inner work alone!

Step Number 4: Become Anti-Fear

It is usual after detaching and starting to detox yourself from narcissistic abuse, for the narcissist to try to keep hooking you back in for narcissistic supply.

Also, if you have been connected through marriage, property and children, the narcissist often lashes out, trying to affect you by taking what and who is near and dear to you.

You may be tested with the most horrifying and terrifying triggers that you could imagine.

This I want you to know with all my heart, that the most powerful and fastest way that you can get well and healthy, and escape their assaults, is to become anti-fear.

By doing so, energetically and psychically the narcissist loses their energy feed.

Until you live this phenomenon you cannot possibly know just how powerful this switch is.

Without fear and pain, as a result of you turning inwards and deeply committing to the inner work to purge this person and all of the trauma, as well as any of your limiting and painful and powerless beliefs, this person loses all power over you.

The narcissist will be thwarted. His or her attempts will fall flat. You start connecting up to the resources, people and situations that will fully support you.

The reason being is because you are activating the power of all of this by turning inwards and FULLY supporting yourself.

That’s what the effective and correct inner work is!

That is how you get free from a narcissist.

By continually doing the inner work on all of your fearful triggers that arise, you WILL gain confidence and power in yourself, as well as start to dissolve all of the narcissistic abuse symptoms from within your energy field, because you know that you are safe in your body and safe in life.

And I promise you that you will become more well than you’ve ever been in your entire life.

Just wait and see how life unfolds in all areas, in your favour. The outer follows the inner always!

Step Number 5: Healthy Supplements

On your resurrection path, health and well-being becomes a focus of nourishing yourself and your life.

When we get better, we do better, and we choose better.

These include things such as eating whole foods and drinking filtered water. Letting go of the addictions and self-medications that we used to turn to so as to avoid our trauma, but yet were hurting us even more.

Hanging out with more positive and much less toxic people.

Engaging in regular healing, healthy time out and moving your body in ways that generate well-being and confidence.

Staying away from victimised forums and communities where the focus is all about bashing the narcissist, and there is nothing about healing yourself.

Laying boundaries and saying “no” to people and situations that are no longer healthy for you, and being prepared to honour yourself and your values and rights, regardless of what other people are doing.

All of these things, in combination with your continual deep inner work to release yourself from trauma and reprogram yourself from the inside out, create a formidable plan to getting well and recovering from narcissistic abuse.

In record time and in the most powerful of ways.

So, I hope that this episode has helped give you a clear roadmap of the five ways to improve your health after narcissistic abuse.

If you know it’s your time to start moving into these processes, then come with me by clicking this link. 

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

Narcissists like to turn everything against you, such as people, situations, resources, property and even your children.  By why do they do this and why do you end up feeling powerless when this happens?

I know you want them to see the light and understand why their actions, words and behaviour is hurting you and you want them to ‘get it’.

How can you get a narcissist to see the light?

I am going to explain EXACTLY how you can in today’s Thriver TV episode!

Video Transcript

My heart goes out to you if you are experiencing a narcissist turning everything against you. I know it’s horrible, and I know that you can feel powerless when this happens.

I also know that you want the narcissist to get it, that their behaviour is atrocious, that what they are doing to you is not okay.

It is usual to want to make a narcissist see the light!

That’s exactly what we are going to talk about today, how you can make a narcissist see the light.

The light that is going to make your life awesome, free from the pain and able to generate what you want – true love, safety and honesty.

Before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission and helping spread the word that there is a way to heal for real from narcissistic abuse, by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love to remind you to please do so.

Okay, so let’s get started on today’s important episode.

Our Normal Tendency When Being Set Upon

When somebody is treating us with such cruelty and the projections of making everything out to be our fault, we get angry. We try to get them to treat us decently.

But, with narcissistic people, this 100% does not work.

If anything, it grants the narcissist more bullets to shoot us with. He or she will use our traumatised feelings against us and shift the blame even more heavily.

It feels devastating.

When we are traumatised, we just can’t seem to stop ourselves from trying to go in harder to get this person to “see the light” and stop doing what they’re doing. Despite it making matters even worse.

Why doesn’t it give us the results we want?

The real reason why it doesn’t work is because we are not using “our light” at this time.

We are being triggered heavily into our wounds. Wounds from our life preceding this current experience. The wounds of not feeling lovable, heard, respected and treated with care.

To a narcissist, this is A-grade narcissistic supply. Our intense emotional attention towards them makes him or her feel so significant. It additionally allows the narcissist to shift the blame and accuse us of being all sorts of things – such as unloving, untrustworthy, selfish and nasty.

Then we go all-in even harder, trying to justify how good a person we are. Often, we then hand over even more of our resources, good nature and energy trying to prove to the narcissist that we are a decent and trustworthy individual.

This empties us out even more.

I promise you this, as hard as it is to accept, the following understanding will change everything for you and start to liberate you …

It is not possible to take back your power, when you are triggered and stuck and traumatised in your wounds.

Let’s talk about the way to rise up and out of this.

Detachment in Order to Heal

A huge shift is necessary to get out of this terrible and traumatising pattern, of hooking into the narcissist trying to force him or her to see the light and only getting pulverised and ripped apart even more every time you try to do it.

There is only one way to get onto the path of feeling safe and whole again, and that is to stop touching the stove that is burning you.

Stop taking the poison that is making you so sick.

This requires letting go, detaching and pulling away regardless of what this person threatens, or does. Then you can turn inwards to self-partner and heal the parts of you that are being significantly targeted and triggered by the narcissist.

At first, of course, this is the last thing that we want to do.

We are addicted to trying to go back in harder, trying to force this person to stop doing what they’re doing. But this is a Wrong Town focus that just leads to more compounding traumatisation.

You have to let go and pull away. There is no other way.

The True Lesson in This

I really want you to understand that someone who has the capacity to treat you so cruelly is not someone who you can ever change to have a healthy relationship with. They simply do not have the capacity.

This person was never in your life to have a healthy relationship with. Rather, they ignited enough pain within so that you would pull away, detach and heal yourself up to your inner wholeness to never accept a lesser relationship than the love and wholeness that you have achieved within yourself.

After healing yourself back to wholeness, I promise you that you will have no feelings of loss, wanting to reconnect, needing closure from, or even wanting the narcissist to change and see the light.

Rather, you will have become the light to yourself that your Inner Being always wanted you to be.

There is so much for you to look forward to, I promise.

And I know you need to hear that, to give you the hope of being able to move out of the pain that you are feeling right now.

What Happens When the Narcissist Sees Your Light

People often say that narcissists will never stop harassing and abusing them.

I used to believe this myself and thought that he would never let up until I was completely destroyed.

Now I know how this is not true.

So many of us are now living completely narcissistic free lives, even those who are parallel parenting with narcissists.

What is the defining difference? How do you get not only free of the trauma symptoms of narcissistic abuse but completely free from the narcissist’s antics, punishments and malicious behaviour, regardless of what he or she has kept trying to do?

The answer is simple … I promise you.

The answer is to do the work on your Inner Being to detox yourself from every trauma, painful belief and previous experience that has to do with abuse.

When you achieve this, there is no more pain, blame, shame or regret or any negative feelings in regard to the narcissist at all. The obsessional thoughts completely stop and all the memories fade away as if it was somebody else this happened to.

That is what Thriving truly means!

When you become this light, the narcissist can no longer be in your experience, any more than an ice cube could be on a warm beach.

Remember the truth about the myth of vampires. They cannot bear the light. What this metaphor really means is, when they aren’t in the shadows working with people’s fear and pain, and are exposed under a big great spotlight of truth, they shriek and shrivel up.

I promise you that your greatest defence is always about healing yourself up to be who you really are. Without your internal trauma, you already are a whole individual who knows how to make your life work.

And this is exactly what you will start to experience.

I hope that this episode has really helped you realise the truth about how to make a narcissist see the light.

Your light.

The light of your True Self which means that you are no longer a target for a False Self ever again.

If you are starting to feel and understand this, I want you to repeat after me a statement that we say in every Quanta Freedom Healing Module in all of my healing programs … This …

“I am the light. The light I am. It just is.”

Now pause this video and let me know how this feels in your body, by writing your answer below.

I am very excited about showing you how to make this happen for real in your life. You can come with me to learn how, by clicking this link. 

And if you enjoyed this video, please make sure that you subscribe so you will be kept up-to-date with each new release I do, I do two every week, and please share this video with others who need to know this truth.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

The fear, shame and anger after narcissistic abuse can be incredibly intense. And, you may be suffering a host of other horrific emotions that are in obsessional repeat.

Feelings like heartbreak, regret, intense loss and total disbelief regarding what happened.

Sadly, many people after narcissistic abuse, never learn how to process these emotions effectively. Often, the best they can do is to barely manage these awful ongoing feelings.

This is only a recovery of survival; it certainly isn’t how you can Thrive after narcissistic abuse. We can get better and do better!

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I take you through the truth regarding how to process these emotions to gain freedom from them, so that you can access the life that myself and many other Thrivers are blessed to experience.

Video Transcript

Many people are shocked at the emotional effects that narcissistic abuse has had on them.

I know that you may be feeling the substantial trauma of incredible fear, shame and anger.

You may agonise over what is going to happen to you and your life now, and to those you love.

And, how on earth did you let this get so bad and allow all these things to happen to you?

And, how could this person be so cruel, malicious and conscienceless to do the things that they did?

Your emotional traumas may be so activated that it feels almost impossible to face normal tasks and get on with your life.

How do you process these intense emotions?

How can you let them go so that you can continue with life?

I’m going to explain exactly how that is possible in today’s TTV episode, in direct, powerful and fast ways.

Okay so let’s get started …

The first step is …

Know That Acceptance is Vital

In many ways, the first step is the hardest of all.

And I promise you that it is also the most vital because without this step you can’t reach the next ones.

Traditionally, there was a belief that there was a necessary process and long timeline for moving through grief and loss.

On the forefront of narcissistic abuse recovery, I promise you that this isn’t necessary. There are inner processes that surpass the need for these drawn-out stages … such as shock, denial, pain and guilt, anger, depression and so on and so forth.

These stages can be shifted out and moved through much more quickly. This is not about rushing them. This is about ensuring you don’t have to go through extended emotional agony that just isn’t necessary for true recovery.

The deeper Quantum Path and Spiritual Truth that starts with acceptance takes you from having a normal and often extreme suffering experience to a more extraordinary experience that teaches you that pain is inevitable, yet indefinite and ongoing suffering is no longer necessary.

The truth is by the time you need healing, you have already been through shock and denial and enormous amounts of pain, guilt, anger and depression and all the negative feelings that go with abuse.

There is an ability to wake up out of this and shift beyond this quite quickly.

I have found this capacity to be equally consistent for people just finding out they have been narcissistically abused, and those who have been suffering for decades. Time is not the criteria. What is the defining factor is the willingness to engage in acceptance.

What Is the Acceptance I’m Talking About?

It’s not everyday acceptance such as, “Oh gosh, this really did happen to me!” Rather it is a deep spiritual Quantum acceptance of, “Everything happens for a reason, and there is something for me to learn, heal and evolve here.”

And, “By doing so I can take my power back, release myself from this trauma, person and experience, and be able to enter more evolved experiences that are healthier and much more fulfilling for me.”

And, “This experience, as horrific as it has been, is helping me heal, awaken and enter a life that will truly gratify my heart and soul.”

In other words, it is the total understanding of, “I NEED to heal!”

I promise you, in the ten plus years that I’ve been helping others deeply heal and Thrive after narcissistic abuse, I have seen some dear souls get this immediately, and others that it takes longer to awaken to. Some never do at all.

Regardless, I bless everybody’s experience, because where you are at, is where you are at.

Personally, I nearly had to die to accept this. I was stubborn. I firmly believed that I was a victim, that he was a monster, and that there was absolutely no learning in this for me at all.

Thankfully, right at almost death’s knock, when there was virtually nothing left of me to live, I had the massive shift to want to partner my Soul and my Inner Being and heal the parts of me that I needed to.

That is when my true healing began. Without this shift, I would have died. I am certain of that.

Then I healed up those parts of myself which I used to self-abandon and cling to people and try to force them to love and accept me and grant me security. I finally learned how to be a healthy whole adult woman in her own body, capable of generating this for myself.

It took work, but it was so worth it.

I promise you that it will be the same for you.

Be Prepared to do the Inner Work

You may be starting to understand that inner work is vital to change your life.

We can’t change abusers. We can’t round them up and put them on an island in exile. We don’t even have structures and systems which can reliably hold these people accountable, let alone put them away.

But you can, in most circumstances, deeply and powerfully change yourself in order to have different experiences. As well as be an example to others to empower them to do the same.

It can be very hard for you to accept the following truth until you start living it – the only reliable way to get a narcissist firmly out of your life, it is to completely purge them out of your Inner Being first.

This may seem woo woo, like some spiritual New Age jargon.

Yet it is a highly quantifiable Quantum Truth, which you will understand when you start to live it as a life principle (not just regarding narcissists but for anything that is unwanted in your life).

The inner feeling and composition that you have precedes the outer events. When you have purged every vestige of the trauma, fear, pain and heartbreak of a narcissist out of your system, he or she becomes completely irrelevant.

Then this person emotionally and energetically has absolutely no emotional effect on you. That is when the spell is broken; they cannot extract narcissistic supply anymore, and everything they try to do starts to fall over and ultimately fails.

Without the ability to be able to get a feed anymore, the narcissist must depart from your life experience.

And they do.

This is totally in alignment with Quantum Law, so within, so without. When nothing of the narcissist remains inside of you, regardless of what he or she is up to, then the outer will shift to match it.

The same goes for every single thing in your life. When it’s gone on the inside emotionally, you will have the inspirations, power and confidence, as well as all of the support from legal and outside forces to assist in the elimination of this individual or thing.

In this Community, every week we receive beautiful glowing reports from people who are working with the NARP program being awarded wonderful property settlements and full custody rights of their children.

The consistent reports are not a coincidence. These people did the diligent inner work to clear out their fears and painful trauma-bonding to the narcissist. Then solution entered.

The inner work is so much more powerful than just trying to obtain knowledge. We must deeply change at the core of our Inner Being to be different and do differently. It’s almost impossible to try to think our way out of the terror, pain and horrific feelings that go with narcissistic abuse. It is so much easier to have a process to shift them out, and just go free from them.

Then you are no longer disempowered by them.

Being Triggered Happens – It’s How You Deal With it That Matters

We were all brought up to try to escape our painful feelings, instead of meeting them.

As a Thriver, I now know a different truth. I know that when I am triggered, it’s signalling me to a deep as yet unhealed part of myself and the situation or person bringing it to my attention is an A.I.D., an Angel In Disguise, posing as a difficult person or situation to help me find and reprogram this part of myself to evolve myself into a more actualised human being.

This has completely changed my life beyond description.

Yes, I still get triggered. I am totally human. I even share about these triggers on social media so that I can help inspire people to continually evolve rather than suffer in their triggers.

Before Thriving I used to self-avoid, self-abandon and self-medicate myself with distractions and addictions. Things such as workaholism, smoking, excessive social media use and socialising, drinking, hanging on to people who were hurting me, and trying to get them to take away my pain for me.

I used to do everything other than turn inwards to heal myself, and of course the false substitutes I used for comfort only granted fleeting relief and the pain kept coming back. Because I didn’t understand that the triggers were the signal to heal myself.

Now, I adore being triggered with any feelings of fear, shame, anger and pain that is the human experience.

Absolutely I feel it. I am a sensitive person, just as I know many of you are too!

Now I fully embrace courageously my opportunity for evolution. What else is there to do if I don’t want a crappy life stuck in repeat with the same pain?

I know that when this happens to me if I turn inwards with love to myself and do a Quantum Freedom Healing (NARP Module) then I will release the trauma and the accompanying painful and false belief systems, and immediately reprogram them with my Superconscious/Source Self.

Then automatically I’m changed. I am no longer the old program of the painful emotions. I have shifted into peace, wisdom and solution instead.

This means the panic, helplessness and hopelessness is gone and is replaced with a solid and sound understanding of what to do.

I promise you that you will have the same experience when you start living this life.

There is another incredible and beautiful benefit. As you evolve upwards you don’t have to keep repeating the same painful cycles. You reach into higher echelons of love and life, ones that you didn’t have access to before doing the inner work.

No longer will you keep saying, “Why is my life always like this?” Because you will be in the driver’s seat of changing it for real.

If you deeply understand this, please pause this video and let me know in your comments below by writing, “I get it!”

If you are ready to access this level of healing, by doing the necessary inner healing, then join me by clicking this link.

And, if you enjoyed this, I’d love you like and share it with other people who you know are also struggling with processing their emotional suffering.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

There is no more pressing issue today than the Coronavirus pandemic that is sweeping the planet. And all of us are heartbroken by the ravages it is inflicting on our societies.

Most of us in every country in the world are now confined to our homes, with our families; doing everything we can to stay healthy and sane and not crumble from fear.

But what about those people who are stuck indoors long term with a narcissist, with nowhere to go, wondering if they will survive this catastrophe.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I want to show you the common threads between narcissism and the Coronavirus outbreak and how to help yourself get through this crisis.

And, of course, offer you my loving support through this unifying human ordeal.

Video Transcript

Today I want to talk to you about the coronavirus pandemic.

Never before, in our lifetimes, have we experienced such a crisis. Most of us never believed such a situation could ever happen.

Individuals, entire communities and systems are crumbling.

I know many of you have lost your job and are now faced with all sorts of hardships.

You may be stuck with narcissists right now, in quarantine, not knowing how you can survive this.

And, there are many of you who have your children being kept away from you by narcissists because of the Coronavirus situation.

What does all this mean?

What is it showing us?

How can we respond?

I really hope I can share with you how I feel about the Coronavirus pandemic in today’s Thriver TV episode.

The Correlation Between This Situation and Narcissistic Abuse

It’s incredible how many correlations there are between what is happening right now and experiencing narcissistic abuse.

I know that many of you are now going through both situations simultaneously.

All of it triggers fear.

Lots of fear.

Which brings up the feelings of being powerless, helpless and not having control in the situation. Here, just like with narcissistic abuse, you don’t have control. You have no idea of a timeline, outcome, where this will end up, and the state you will be in when it is finished.

Of course, this is terrifying.

The True Solution to Out of Control Situations

The most important thing, now and always, when you don’t have any control over the outside, is to take your power back on the inside.

In times of overwhelm, horror, and literal survival programs being triggered, when your life and hopes for the future are being threatened, it may feel impossible to become fearless. Especially when horrible things have happened or are happening or could happen.

Regardless, the most important work is to lose the fear.

Before narcissistic abuse and Thriver Recovery, I would have said to you that it is impossible to lose the fear unless something on the outside changes so that there is nothing to fear anymore.

Now I know that this is not the way that Quantum Creation works.

I have seen it, so many times in my life and in other people’s lives, that regardless of how shocking things are, when you turn inside to lose the fear and start to value the state of your emotional soul health over and above everything else, that the most incredible synchronicity, solutions and support can appear.

As a profound shift.

Even when logically, no support seems possible.

You see, your superconscious self, teamed up with every available permutation that exists in “life”, has “a way”.

God/Source/Life is unlimited. There are no limits regarding what this Force can create.

In times of great crisis, we are being pushed to become extraordinary.

What is occurring is incredibly crippling, causing devastation to so many individuals and groups of people, in ways that we could never imagine previously.

I know this is huge. I know this is one of the biggest calls ever to lose the trauma and the fear of what is happening right now. And I know that you may have already been smashed by this. And my heart goes out to you in spades.

However, I know that this is what we are being pushed to do right now. We are being called to create an extraordinary emotional, empowered uprising that could not only change your life forever as a result of what you’re going through but also significantly up-level our world.

Those of you who are now Thriving after being narcissistically abused have already made the Quantum Switch.

Meaning, emotionally from the inside out, you created your own personal breakthrough into your values, truths and the health of your soul regardless of the insane, seemingly unstoppable brutal treatment you received from the narcissist.

Against all logical and “reality” odds, you then experienced your passage from the bowels of hell into the glory of your True Self and True Life.

Even when you were diagnosed with health conditions such as C-PTSD and other diminished realities, such as other devastating health conditions, financial annihilation and accumulated losses on horrific levels, that you were told you would never recover from.

You didn’t just recover, you burst forth into a Self and Life that was more buoyant, confident, healthier and expanded than the life you were experiencing even before you went through narcissistic abuse.

Why?

Because, rather than try to deal with the narcissistic environment that was out-of-control and uncontrollable, or stay focused on the devastation that it brought you, you turned inside to release all of your trauma that was inside you to come home to a solidness, power and faith within yourself that was unshakeable, and literally unstoppable.

This was the dedication, to resurrect your inner world, even when your outer world lay in tatters at your feet.

As you stepped into your soul graduation of Who You Really Are, the narcissist lost all power over you, and a whole new world of possibility, synchronicity and miracle came into view.

Then you understood the truth, that within the experience that you know as your life every permutation is available, regardless of how circumstances seem. What presents in your experience, as your experience, is the match of the inner experience that you consciously cultivate.

When you lose your fear and become emotionally solid, even before anything shifted outside of you changes, even when there is no way … a way must appear.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

From every cell within my being, know that the same truth exists here within this pandemic, regardless of outer evidence.

This is the Thriver Way.

This is how we discover just how powerful we are.

The incredible irony is, in non-extraordinary times we are never pushed to find this gear. Often, we just cruise along because there are too many distractions keeping us away from shifting into our true power, and quite frankly there is no urgent necessity to.

The greatest evolution is usually brought on by the times when we are the most powerless, terrified and helpless. It’s by overcoming our inner deepest fears, that we mine our most spectacular gold.

Narcissists push us to do that.

So do global pandemics.

A Beautiful and Powerful Channelled Message

I want to share with you something that was sent to me just recently. Its origin is from Jeff Vander Clute who is CEO of “Sourcing the Way”. Jeff is a visionary and channel for World-Changing Times.

This is what Jeff shared:

“After listening to people talk about the Coronavirus for weeks, I had the inspiration to tune into this novel life form and ask it to tell me about itself. What came through was a list of its top-five gifts, followed by a message for humanity. I will admit to being somewhat surprised by the information. My hope is that these words will help people to trust that life is acting with benevolent wisdom.

The gifts of the virus:

1) Slowing down humanity’s frenetic activities
2) Activating networks of cooperation
3) Spreading helpful DNA
4) Upgrading humanity’s immune system
5) Creating the conditions for peace and well-being

Here is the message that the Coronavirus had to share:

My friends, it is true that I am here to bring closure to the inharmonious ways of being that are causing harm to humans and the whole web of life. All the same, I am not a vengeful being or anything that is intended to be destructive. I am simply the rebalancing agent in the overall equation of life’s evolutionary process. By fighting me with fear in your hearts, you oppose the larger natural systems and cause me to take other forms.

What I am, and my fundamental purpose, will not be deterred, for I am life itself acting through the available forms of distribution. The virus that you see me as is one of an endless series of permutations. This kind of process is one of the ways I innovate life forms and deliver new DNA sequences that will eventually be shown to be helpful. The back and forth between humanity’s collective immune system and the virus is raising consciousness as humans examine their interactions, and it is literally increasing the intelligence of the superorganism that is the species as a whole.

These tests are normal. I repeat: These tests are normal. For those who can hear this message and embrace me easily, you already know that fear is a much more lethal poison. For those who will not be comforted by these words, one day you will know that I come as an act of love. When you can open to the love that is at the very heart of this situation, the crisis that your media and governments decry will transform into a flower of life, spreading new consciousness and multiplying circles of cooperation. Pay attention to your thoughts and see if you can identify the benefits of redirecting humanity’s attention from incessant wars and violence to the common “enemy” that I am willing to be perceived as.

Love will go this far, and farther, to bring healing to the mind of a young species that is still in the process of remembering itself as a divine incarnation. Yes, you are a divine incarnation capable of fabricating realities based on goodness and beauty and compassionate understandings, actions, and beliefs. Believe me when I say that I, too, am here as an act of compassion. Accepting me in this way will lighten your heavy burden for the divine sends only love your way. Sometimes this love takes curious forms in order to circumvent your intricate defenses against waking up to your own glory. I can assure you that the most functional strategy will be to embrace me as a friend of the human family.”

I truly hope that Jeff’s message has been able to bring some love and relief to you.

We Are All in This Together

When being narcissistically abused you may have felt like you were going through this alone. That is why this community is so incredible because we have, or are, all going through this together.

And now, we really are all in this together.

As humanity itself.

And, as Jeff so beautifully channelled, rather than distrust and fight and war with each other, we now have the opportunity to come together.

We can anchor into love, kindness and the recognition of what is really important.

We have the ability to reach out and assist in this situation. We can offer a helping hand, an act of benevolence, the sharing of our resources and our loving support.

We can be kind. We can demonstrate Love itself.

And, we can sign up to our most important mission that we ever have as a human being in our time on this planet. Which is overcoming the fear and pain within the only person who we have the power to do that with, ourselves, to become and lead the way as a loving, empowered solution for ourselves and others.

When our personal life can no longer go on as normal, we can no longer avoid, ignore or make excuses for the parts of ourselves which are not working, that we didn’t want to confront. Or the patterns and people in our life who are not representative of our values and health, and any false trajectories that we are living that are not true for us.

These times signal a season of profound personal catharsis, as an incredible growth and evolutionary opportunity.

In this time of deep incubation and unavoidable triggered emotional trauma, our Inner Beings deeply need our attention to emotionally integrate and heal.

I know that these times are tough. Hard beyond measure, and terrifying in ways that we’ve never had to experience before.

Yet, I also know that in the greatest fear lies the brightest gold and that so many of us, myself and every other activated Thriver in this community, is deeply dedicated to going for gold.

There is nothing else to do if we want to save our own lives emotionally, and possibly literally, as well as enhance everyone we love and everything we touch.

Losing our fear and becoming peace and power is the only thing to do, to help birth, through us, a brand-new world.

I know that we have the power to do this, one person at a time.

If this deeply resonates with you, and you know you have to find another way to get through this, I want to help you achieve your powerful passage through this.

Please come into my free webinar.

In this webinar, I take you through how to recover from the fear and pain of narcissistic abuse, and I want you to understand that what I’m sharing is exactly relevant to overcoming the fear and powerlessness with the Coronavirus pandemic as well.

It’s exactly the same healing that’s required.

It’s all about purging the fear and taking back your power.

I really hope that this has helped, and my heart and love go out to you in spades.

And I can’t wait to connect with you with my love and support in your comments and questions below.

There are many beautiful people in this community who give and give. Often, until it hurts.

They believed that this was the right way to treat people. Yet, other people (especially narcissists) took advantage of this to suck dry and abuse them, because they have so much to offer!

Find out how you can still be a giving, loving person and be loved, respected and supported by others yet retain yourself in this Thriver TV episode.

Video Transcript

The most beautiful people in the world consistently try to please others.

We believed that this was the way to go, “treat others how you would like to be treated”.

But why did this end up in so much disaster, especially with narcissists?

Why was our good nature thrown back in our faces, and treated with so much contempt and abuse?

Today, I want to go on a deep Quantum dive with this topic, peel it back and help you understand the truth about it.

Let’s get going on this!

If You Don’t Piss Off Others, You Will Piss Yourself Off

I shared a post on Instagram not long ago, about the story of a man, woman, child and donkey.

To simplify the story, the four of them were in a marketplace and no matter who changed places on the donkey, to try to keep people happy, they kept expressing their displeasure.

Comments such as, “Why is this man not letting his wife ride on the donkey?”, “Why is this woman not putting her small child on the donkey?” And, “What a selfish child to be riding the donkey while his parents have to walk!”

In the end they all got on the donkey, and then of course people started shrieking, “Animal abuse!”

The moral to this story is there is always going to be somebody who doesn’t agree with you. If you try to be everything to everyone, then you are going to be doing this at a cost to your own soul and truth.

This even goes for close intimates. No one knows the truth of your journey, life and soul any more than you do, when you are committed to being a Thriver and self-partnered.

An incredible phenomenon starts to happen when you are.

You will say to the people in your life, “You don’t need to agree with me and join me. Either we allow each other to be ourselves and accept that, or if we can’t, then we need to move on with our own lives because we just simply are not a match.”

This isn’t right or wrong, it just is. Life is not about getting it right for everybody, it’s about being true to yourself in order to generate a life that is truthful to everybody.

If you agree with other people just so that they will love and accept you, you are not being truthful. You are not giving them the essential feedback about who you are and what does or doesn’t make you happy.

Inevitably you are going to be miserable, and then not be a whole and happy person around them anyway!

There has been so much distortion and confusion regarding trying to keep others happy, thinking that it can make us happy. But, it never works like that!

The Deeper Quantum Truths

I hope now at this stage Dear Thrivers that you are starting to understand so many of my philosophies and healings are about so within, so without.

This means as the generative force of your own experience, your life is not up to other people or even circumstances outside of yourself.

It is about who you decide to be. What are your limits and truth? What is important to you? What is your soul calling you to do and experience?

There is only one you and your soul knows how to unfold exactly and accordingly with what is your True Self and True Life. Your soul and your emotions don’t get it wrong.

People and situations that are not your truth are never going to deliver your True Self and True Life. They will simply give you the pain, delays, blocks and frustrations that are telling you that you are not on track.

There is only one place that your life is being generated, and that is from the authenticity and truth within yourself. When you are true to you and your Inner Being, then you are true to life in the most honourable and the highest of ways.

What and who is your truth will gravitate towards you. You will stop being inauthentic to others by trying to be everything that they want you to be, for you to be happy, and discovering that never makes other people happy anyway! It’s a bottomless pit!

Rather, it just trains them to overlook, disrespect and take advantage of you.

I understand that this is confronting.

But, when we take the radical personal responsibility to understand that our life is not up to anybody else, it is up to our own alignment with our Inner Being, which means being truthful to our own desires and life.

By trying to keep everybody else happy, we are not even in the park, let alone near the goals.

People Don’t Treat Us As We Treat Them

Think about your life. The times when you gave and gave and gave were probably the times when you were disrespected and taken for granted the most.

Why is this?

If we want to remain victims, we would say it is because other people are terrible!

But there is a much deeper truth to this, and that is when we understand Quantum Law of so within, so without, we can accept and be empowered to realise that people are going to treat us in the identical ways that we treat ourselves.

If we are saying “yes” when we really want to say “no” and bending over backwards to assist others so that we might be able to get some scraps of their love and loyalty, we are not being truthful to ourselves.

And we are not coming from a place of fullness. Rather we are coming from a place of emptiness and inner lack.

Then these people are going to supply the evidence of what is already going on inside of us – more emptiness and lack.

Are you starting to understand?

It took me a while to understand this deeply.

I used to think that if I honoured myself, and I filled up first, before looking after others this was somehow selfish.

I had to do a lot of deep inner work on myself to get out of the guilt that if I did look after myself that I was somehow wrong, and that other people would not love me and approve of me.

Yet, when I cleared these awful traumas about guilt, responsibility and obligation I truly became free. I also discovered that love, respect and support flooded into my life genuinely. Completely matching the love, respect, and support I now had from myself.

I cannot recommend enough doing this essential inner work.

NARP Module 6 is powerful to heal these traumas and programming. I spent a lot of time hanging out in Module 6 work to get this right, and the results have been astounding,

As they will be for you!

If this deeply resonates with you, I cannot recommend enough that you check out the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) to release yourself from giving until it hurts.

If this feels right and exciting to you, I would love for you to click this link and sign up for NARP today.

It will change your life beyond recognition!

Thank you for watching this to the end, and please remember to like and share this video with other people you know it can help, and as always I am thrilled about being able to answer your comments and questions below.