Most of us know what it is like to feel angry, resentful and even to have strong feelings of hate towards someone.
These feelings may only last a short time, or you may have been carrying these feelings for years.
By holding resentment towards other people you are effectively shifting the blame onto someone else. “The reason for my unsatisfying experience is because of his or her actions.”
This stifles the healing process, because when we make it someone else’s job to provide us with love, support and safety then we have to wait for them to fix it for us. This leaves us powerless…
In this article I want to show you how to let go of the resentment of what other people are or are not doing. Once you do this you will recognise that you have the power to provide love and support to yourself regardless of other people’s actions.
Resentment Does Not Protect us From Pain
To understand how damaging holding on to this anger and resentment is, all we need to do is refer to the Quantum Physics Laws of Life which are: whatever we are holding on to as a powerful emotional charge is what we are going to call forth into our future experience.
Therefore if, on the topic of ‘love’, you have suffered severe abuse, infidelity or betrayal, and you haven’t moved past the anger of this, then you are merely setting yourself up to experience future love events which will deliver more abuse, infidelity or betrayal.
There is no way out of beating this system.
We may wish to blame our present and future life on what someone did to us in the past, but they are no longer there, they are no longer doing it – and the truth of the matter is they don’t make our choices for us.
The only one with the power to make our choices is us.
Our resentment is a defence mechanism. Our ego believes that by being angry and defensive that we will in fact ward off future pain, and we will create ourself as safe.
We think that by angrily saying ‘no’ to something that we will keep it away from us. We may not realise that by having a heavy emotional charge of ‘no’ on this thing that we are actually calling it forth and saying ‘yes’ to it again.
Here is a simple example to explain this. If you intensely dislike inconsiderate drivers, you may think you are saying ‘no’ to the experience of people taking car spaces out from under you, cutting you off, or driving slowly in the fast lane. Yet because you have allowed other driver’s behaviour to affect you emotionally your belief system ‘Other drivers are inconsiderate’ continually draws the exact match into your driving experience.
The identical principle applies for your love experiences…
We may not realise that our ego, (defence mechanisms) thrive off receiving pain (it is the energy that keeps our ego alive) and our ego purposely tricks us into hanging on to pain to ensure creating and receiving more pain.
Whatever beliefs we adopt create our Inner Identity. If your Inner Identity believes you deserve inconsiderate drivers or people who victimise you in any area of your life, then this is exactly what your Inner Identity will strive to manifest in your life.
This has been our unconscious human experience, and in order to create a more conscious reality that does serve us, we need to find the way to get past our resentment, let it go, drop our egoic defences and get to the real heart of the matter.
Nurturing Your Vulnerabilities
The real heart of the matter is reached by accessing our vulnerabilities.
This is done by creating a connection with the wounded, frightened, sad and hurt parts of ourselves. These parts can never be embraced and healed when we hide them away behind the walls of resentment.
If you think about it – every resentment, anger and hatred you have ever carried is the cover for the sadness, the grief and the vulnerable pain connected to a particular person or situation not loving, supporting and protecting you.
That is the real heart of the matter.
If you are brave enough to go to this place, you will be able to shift this grief and pain, and start creating completely different patterns in your life which will serve you instead of hurt you.
If you don’t, you will simple create more in your life to resent.
Here is my suggestion to help you do this. Do all of these steps as a feeling and writing exercise in your journal. It will help you stay connected to the process.
Inner Child Healing
Make a list of all of the people that you are still holding resentment toward, and write down their behaviour and actions that has caused you to feel resentment towards them.
Now be really honest with yourself, and feel within yourself. In fact come home to yourself and imagine your inner child inside you, as if this person was your little son or daughter, a being who you wish to nurture, heal, love and protect.
You may want to lie down, get comfortable or meditate in order to do this exercise.
Imagine your inner child as really angry and defensive.
Now imagine cuddling this inner child and ask him or her what is it that really hurts? Ask your inner child ‘What was it about this situation or person whereby you didn’t feel loved, supported and protected?’….Now in your journal write out all the things that have hurt your inner child, tapping directly into the grief, the sadness, and the pain.
Allow yourself to cry, if the urge presents, or at the very least allow yourself to feel vulnerable, and don’t be afraid of doing so. Don’t judge, push away or discredit these feelings. Be with them unconditionally.
Imagine cuddling your inner child whilst this takes place. Imagine telling your inner child that you are there to provide the love, the support, the protection and the nurturing that your inner child missed out on previously.
Now tell your inner child that you are no longer going to ignore him or her, and that you will no longer leave him or her alone to feel powerless and hurt. Tell your inner child that he or she can trust you to nurture, love and support and be there.
Tell your inner child that you will help him or her heal and feel safe.
You will know when you have been able to fully embrace your inner child, get in contact with this vulnerable part of yourself and nurture and heal it…you will know because the anger, resentment and hatred you had towards someone and ‘what they did to you’ will be gone.
You will know that no-longer are you powerless as a result of holding that person responsible for love, support and safety, because you are now able to provide this for yourself.
You will also know that you are no longer hanging on to the resentment, pain and anger that will keep drawing more people who will hurt you in identical ways.
You will know that by providing love, support, nurturing and safety to yourself that you have now become a match of ‘more of that’ to come into your life, and you will no longer feel unconsciously attracted to the anger, pain and resentment.
You will more easily avoid it, and if it does show up you are more likely to walk away from it, rather than hang on and try to fix persons ‘b’ ‘c’ ‘d’ etc. who are really only a mirror of person ‘a’ that you were always holding anger resentment and hate towards…
I hope this article has inspired you to get past your resentment, and love yourself enough to go to the heart of the matter…
I know I held on to resentment previously and suffered the awful ongoing consequences…
I also know the wonderful freedom that is experienced when I made it a mission to release resentment and no longer hold others responsible for my emotional self.
I’d love to hear your stories too!