Melanie Tonia Evans

Our Ancestor’s Beliefs – How Do They Affect Us Now?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 1
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Do you struggle to put yourself first? Do you have trouble envisioning your success and survival without the support of someone else? Do you sometimes feel subconsciously that your goal in life is to procure a partner, regardless of the emotional cost, who will provide for you?

Do you ever wonder why you believe this despite modern society providing ample opportunities for women to manifest their dreams? Logically we may think we can be powerful, yet on some deeper level, we feel the opposite.

I see, all too often, the ‘curse’ of why it can be so hard for a woman to think straight, honour herself and make different choices and behaviours in order to create a happier and more empowered love life for herself.

I’m not talking about the obvious reasons why she may have self-defeating patterns, such as: My mum put everyone’s needs before her own and believed that sustaining a marriage was the most important thing in her life.

Childhood programming is really important, however usually there is deeper and more powerful stuff going on.

These are the limiting beliefs we received before childhood – one’s which already existed in our DNA.

Women have been evolving through the ages – yet it has been a struggle, and a very slow and arduous task.

Not so long ago, women believed it was normal and expected to stay silent, tolerate their life and not ask for their love needs be met.

Not so long ago, women due to the necessity to survive, if in painful relationships, had to sell themselves out horrifically, because having their love needs met was a very minor priority compared to being sheltered, fed, retaining their children and being allowed to live in a community which could protect them from physical danger, rape and murder.

Women often only had one chance at love, and if it didn’t work out it was just too bad.


What Women Went Through Only a Few Generations Ago

The Western world, which has acknowledged women’s rights more than many Eastern countries, still did NOT until 1848 create laws that protected a woman’s property.

Before this time anything that the woman owned was the property of her father and then her husband. Children were considered “property” as well, and remained in the husband’s possession after divorce or separation.

Therefore if she did not make her marriage work she lost every material possession and all rights to her children – and risked her personal ability to survive.

It wasn’t until 1857 she was allowed to divorce and leave her husband, and only if she could prove in a court of law that he had left her, or was cruel to her.

It wasn’t until 1870 that she could keep any money she earned.

It wasn’t until 1891 that she could not be forced to live with her husband if she didn’t want to.

Before married women’s property acts from 1848 onwards were passed, a woman lost any right to control property that was hers prior to the marriage, nor did she have rights to acquire any property during marriage. A married woman could not make contracts, keep or control her own wages or any rents, transfer property, sell property or take out any lawsuit.

Materially women were severely disadvantaged by separation or divorce, but it didn’t stop there.

According to the Oxford Encyclopaedia of World History it wasn’t until 1970, and the explosion of divorces occurring world-wide, that the stigma of divorce began to lessen.

However, still to this day there are many church denominations who will not accept worshippers new, or existing that are divorced.

Traditionally women were seen as bearing the moral duty of keeping the family and marriage together, and often she was deemed a failure if she didn’t. After a divorce she was thought of as morally suspect, and often condemned by her community.

As a result she had very limited if any future suitors. In certain countries she was never allowed to legally married again, even if she did fluke the opportunity.

You may be wondering why the history lesson, and why I am talking about these things, because you might shake your head and say “That’s not what happens now!”

You’re right it doesn’t happen like this now…

But women are still behaving as IF IT DOES!….


These Limiting Beliefs Carry Over In Our DNA

You see, in the evolution of womankind, the changes to have rights, to not be judged, to choose another more suitable partner, retain our children, have possessions, a wage and survive on our own, has only recently become a tiny new portion of our history and ‘makeup’.

We had eons of the old ways before this very new adjustment.

Our mothers hadn’t even started to grasp this new adjustment – and they certainly weren’t comfortable in teaching it to us.

Their own mothers didn’t have a clue about it…

Think about this: a nomadic breed of people cannot be contained and adapt immediately to stationery lifestyles, and certainly not within two hundred years – simply because everything in their inner DNA is screaming: Keep moving with the cycles of nature in order to survive.

Similarly a woman’s inner DNA has not had time to adjust, and is screaming: Keep the peace, make it work, don’t leave the relationship, don’t let him leave you, and don’t go through the horror of a failed relationship.

I want you to really think about the following:

I know where a lot of my deepest fears and love pain have come from, which is all the normal woman stuff:

  • If he leaves me I’ll die
  • If this relationship doesn’t work, there may never be another one
  • If I leave him, people will judge me as being a failure
  • No-one else will ever want me
  • How on earth am I going to survive on my own?
  • If I keep the peace, he’ll stay and at least I’ll be safe

I’m a woman; I’m a product of my forbears…just as we all are. Is it any wonder that most women tend to act more co-dependently, and are more able to tolerate abuse than most men?

I’ve had to work at healing my inner DNA programs, to stop selling myself out to these ancient survival fears – and thank goodness I have, because they used to cripple me.

Don’t resent the fact that you’re a woman, and don’t resent the fact that men had a great deal of the power for a long time. Gloriously, now we live in times where we are granted equal rights…yes it’s true!… And we can now be safe, be loved, create our truth and live it safely – and if it doesn’t work, we have the ability to move on, honour ourself and live and love again.

There are wonderful men available, and in fact even back in those darker times there were fabulous men back then too, and some ladies despite the systems limitations, were able to enjoy fulfilling, caring and considerate marriages.

Please don’t blame men – this blog is not about despising men, it is about loving yourself enough to break out of the limitations that crippled many females before our time.

We do not have to keep living out their pain…


You Can Release The Shackles

So what to do? As always, really feel into these deep DNA Programs, by looking back at the times in your life that you know you have ‘sold yourself out’ and know it was because of incredible fear.

It is likely that, every time you did, these ancient limiting beliefs had something to do with it.

When you become aware of them and embrace them, you will start to dissolve them. Your awareness starts to set you free. You can also start working on journaling, letting go of some of these beliefs, by reframing them into ones that ease the fear, empower you – and therefore serve you.

These limiting belief are stored cellularly in our bodies, within our inner self identity. They play out as fearful emotions. The only way we can stop our inner cycle of fear is to solidly own these emotions, confront them and release them.

We liberate our fears when we face them, let them go and replace them with empowering belief systems.  Once you let go of these limiting beliefs you have the room to establish, become and start living and attracting your empowered inner identity.

The true you, once updated into a vibrationally modern woman, knows she is the creator of her love reality. She knows (without fear) – just like taking her next breath – that she can say ‘no’ to a limited or even painful love existence, and she is her own creator, backed with empowered choices, who aligns with real, safe, healthy and satisfying love.

Many of our sisters before us had limited options, and very little vibrational knowledge. They knew how to be victims and accept their lot in life, because that was all they could do in their hope to survive.

This is not the ‘female reality’ now…

I’d love to hear your comments about how you feel these inner DNA programs play out in your life, and / or how you have been able to liberate them.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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19 Thoughts on Our Ancestor’s Beliefs – How Do They Affect Us Now?
    April 18, 2012

    Thank you. This blog hit home for me. I was blind but now I see. Robin

    Maria W
    April 18, 2012

    As always Mel – your article has hit home at the most Divine timing for me…
    Blessing as Always 2 you & your gorgeous new animal family xx Maria W

    April 18, 2012

    A really great Article and I can truely say that I am not relient on anyone but myself for success and happiness. My mother brought me up as a single parent and she has mostly lived on her own after 3 severe ‘narcissistic’ relationships. She always put me first, her only child and decided to just be a single person to protect us both. My mother has never had the same belief system or lived like her parents did, where the sacrifices that my grandmother made to keep the family together ended up killing my gran. I have always loved being on my own and I never feel relient on anyone or lonely. My creating does give me the pleasures in life, as does just simple living, enjoying nature, friends and family company. It is a liberating experience to feel confident you can be free in all aspects of your life to without the ‘other person’ there to fullfill you. I love having male friends, ’cause I can relate to them and enjoy the conversations (healthy men that is). It can be made a reality once we deprogramme our conditioning. My friend said today as she is looking at your website today Mel for her own reasons, that ‘we are all products of our fathers, so that is why (she believes), we attract certain types of men’. I believe we are conditioned to a certain extent, although we can ‘re-programme’ that conditioning or re-shape our DNA quite considerably if we really believe we can and want. Would that be true Mel? Can we re-programme our DNA? from what you have learnt? Jac

    April 18, 2012

    One last comment re the above is, I have just left a Narc ‘very high end’ abusive relationship and part of me really craved to live alone again. If the man I was with different in he was a normal healthy person, then I would have stayed in the relationsip as the other part of me enjoyed the ‘companionship’ of another person being close by. I think it is important to work on the love of ourselves and that feeling of being ‘content’ to enable us to strive for whatever we want in life without another person to rely on. Please correct me if I’m wrong Mel x

    April 18, 2012

    Thanks Mel,so great. I have finally sucessfully kept myself as a single woman for the last six months and I am in the most happy space I have been in for many, many years!! I now have guys asking me out and I have realised and am managing from the inside out that its Ok for me to take my time, to say no and to chooose how, if and when I wish to see them or not!! It is soo liberating and “new”. I am 40 and have NEVER done it like this before (i’m serious). But boy oh boy what a journey I have had to go thru to get to this point…I am truly grateful for many things/people along the way that have contributed to my healing and well-being, including you. xxx

    April 18, 2012

    I have read many of your posts over the last 2 years, some of which had that nugget of gold that clicked at just the right time to move me forward on my journey. I have left a ‘toxic’ relationship, had fantastic counseling and learnt so much about myself and my family relationships. Even though my mother was a very independent working woman, particularly for her era, there was always this subconscious pressure for me to succeed in my marriage and relationships. It has taken until now, for me to really feel the joy and relief of letting that go and appreciating myself as a single successful working girl and mother. I still slip back into that needy, alone feeling at some stages but I try to remember and bring back that spontaneous absolutely elated feeling of freedom when I finally left! I hope as time goes on I can let go even more of that feeling of failure but at least now I recognize that it is caused by messages ingrained by society and family over the generations. Thank you Melanie for your fantastic posts which have helped so much.

    April 19, 2012

    Mel, I am celebrating my 2 yr anniversary of leaving my narc husband after 25 yrs. You helped me understand and accept what was inevitable. I have been dating for 17 months and I thought i had met someone I might want to have a relationship with and today we decided it wouldn’t work. And much of what i thought centers around this particular article…settling when you know it’s not right.I am on a journey and I thank you for
    helping me be a light on this journey.

    April 19, 2012

    So true but still even in this country there is no law against forced marriage yet.
    Did anyone see the 4 Corners Program 2 weeks ago about forced marriage.
    Several young ladies spoke – one was only 12 years old, about arranged marriages and being taken back by parents to the parents country of origin to be forcibly married to a man they had never seen and often much , much older. Resistance on the part of the young woman will almost cetainly result in threats, violence, being cast out of the family or even death by their father’s hand or their own suicide to escape.
    This still happens to many, many women in many countries. It was very distressing to see these young ladies on the program who live alongside us here in Australia being forced into marriage against their will at the age of 12 or 16 years and absolutely no say in it.
    Since this program aired the Australian Government has stepped up to draft law to protect young people in this situation at least in this country.
    Many of our sisters around the world are still stoned to death for “crimes” of adultery under Sharia Law.
    Thousands of female childen are subjected to genital mutilation without even anaesthetic
    on a daily basis still now, today, in other places in the world.
    Thousands more female babies are killed in China still today just for being girls. These baby girls are actively killed by drowning, smothering or being left to die in the snow; frozen and starved to death.
    This still affects our consciouness.
    Thousands of women in this country are still subjected to violence by male partners from which they are often to spiritually broken to escape. Hundreds of female children in this country and more all over the world are subjected to the horrors of incestuous sexual abuse.
    Here in Australia, especially in our Aboriginal communities, the figures of known sexual abuse of little girls by fathers, uncles etc are truly heartbreaking.
    So many women and children here in Australia and globally do not have the choices and freedom of which we speak here. Our love and support must continue to remain with all of them. Australia has troops in Afghasitan as we speak this evening, where women are still being raped.
    Women in some of the world’s wealthiest countries can not today go out without covering every centimetre of their person, their feminity, their face….
    Women today in some countries are still not allowed to drive.
    I wonder how free we can be until our sisters globablly also are. Institutionalised violence and control of women still exists throughout the world today. May all of us one day be safe in the world and have choices.

    April 19, 2012

    Wow this article really talked to me a lot! This sentence: “But women are still behaving as IF IT DOES!…” Is very part of my life, I thought for sure I got out of this pattern and go rid of it for good, but last year events showed me that I have a few lessons to learn! It is probably why I still do have many issues with money! What an eye opening that is! Thank you

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Robin and Maria, you are more than welcome. I’m glad the blog helped xx

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Jac,

    yes definetely we can reprogram our DNA. When we change our beleif systems we cange our entire ‘being’.That is what is so wonderful about healing ourselves, nothing has to stay ‘as it is’. Yes totally agree it is very importnat to be content, whole and then ‘add more to that’ if it is our desire to have a healthy relationship, but we must become healthy within us first – we only ever attract, allow and sustain ‘where we are at’. And ‘where we are at’ is also our unconscious beleifs – because they are the most powerful drivers within us.

    Our inner identity recreates itself as our outer reality to the letter – and often we may not be conscious about what is really going on at that deeper level, until th eouter reality shows up and smacks us in the face!

    This is why I love the deeper energetic work that does make the changes at the deep inner self identity level! xx

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Mel number 2!

    Lovely to hear from you! I am so happy for you – and now you are creating a platform of solidness that you can make a great relationship choice from! Kudos to you lovely lady. The journey has been so worth you to getting to this empowered point 🙂 xxx

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Ann,

    it is wonderful that powerful realisations have set you free, and you have become self-aware in regard to breaking free from the old patterns. Keep up the great work, and only great things can come! I am glad my material has helped be a part of that Bless x

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Angela,

    that is so wonderful that you are honouring yourself, staying aligned with deservedness, and not settling by giving in to ‘scarcity’ beliefs’. The wonderful truth is that when you state a ‘no’, life then rearranges itself, and becomes more clear on your intentions and starts delivering a higher vibration of possibles in order to match your ‘yes’. There is never ‘loss’ just more expansion of you as the Creator of your reality. Wonderful stuff! xx

  • Melanie
    April 19, 2012

    Hi Val,

    absolutely may all of our sisters one day be free, and have the rights to be safe and empowered.

    Thank you my love for your powerful post of truth. I believe that all of us are connected, and we can do our bit by vibrationally seeing, feeling and knowing that all of us as women can and will heal, and that we can do our bit to become a conscious, safe, empowered woman who feels and knows her rights.

    By doing so we assist the rise of the consciousness of our sisters of whom we are all a part of.

    Its very important that if we wish to passionately make a difference, get involved in ‘pro’ groups – groups that focus on assisting women to be free and know that they have rights…

    It’s very important to be ‘aware’ of what needs reform, and then focus our energy on being a part of that reform…

    Just like narcissists, lets take our focus off pushing against narcissists and systems that brutalise women, as it only feed them, and lets put our energy firmly on the ways, movements and energy to create empowerment within the hearts and souls of victims

    This vibrationally is the true and powerful solution.

    Everyone reading this post, don’t vibrate into the pain, despair and horror of what happens to these women, becuase we only help manifest them staying there.

    Send them your feelings of empowerment, glory, healing and raised consciousness and freedom.

    And if you feel inspired to do something, keep that passion alive in you, and you will know what to do, and be drawn to joining or creating causes that DO make a difference.

    THEN we start creating POWERFULLY more of that…..

    Bless you Val, and thank you for co-creating healing to our sisters…

    No more self denial.
    April 19, 2012

    I am of nomadic native people. 50% of me to be accurate. The other half of my dna is split in 25% Kveeni (a people native in Finland) and 25% Norwegian.
    My parents were both born into the old style of life, with natural houshold and traditional womens and mens roles; my grandmothers took care of the whole family and the cattle included, while my grandfathers were fishing, hunting and trapping, taking home fire wood and so on.

    I can totally relate to what you write here Melanie, since I have lived my so far 39 year long life with one foot in the old days and one foot in todays world. My parents and me and my sister are two generations that are doing a huge shift and we all have faced a lot of great challenges, a lot of trauma. Some of those traumas are ones that have been heired through generations, and that is the relational ones, that both me and my sister are working sorting out to break free and be able to be ourselves instead of trapped in the limits of DNA, mind programming from our childhoods and so on. There are many factors.

    I developed a complex posttraumatic stress syndrom while breaking physically out of these patterns, and I have to this moment believed that it was from my childhood AND my 6 years within an abusive relationship, but now it becomes clear that it is from my whole line of ancestors that I am doing this. No wonder why it makes my world shake in its fundaments, and I am struggling with a lot of stress and fears while making the line of tries and failings that is required to learn new patterns that is functional fo what I now have become (much more liberated). And no; I am NOT settling for anything less than the best. Why procrastinate it, and leave it to eventual future children of mine to struggle with? ;o) How we choose to live our lives does not only affect ourselves, but also the DNA we plant in the future through breeding having children. The expression “personal responsibility” gets new dimensions with this insight. Wow. So that is some of the meaning with what is written in the Bible, and the seemingly endless focusing in the human breeding lines through time and living rules. It is certainly a lot of wisdom to find, and I love the way the whole world is about to unite in some pretty world changing wisdom. All the best for everyone in it! 🙂

    Thank you Melanie for this wonderful post! Now I shall read the comments, I bet there are many grains of gold there, so thank you to all of my commenting fellows as well! 🙂

    melannie martsolf
    April 20, 2012

    I’ve always thought that i’ve carried the cellular grief of my maternal lineage. though, i thought that only a seemingly small amount of this could be changed. it feels like i keep crawling out of the quicksand, gaping for air, only to jump back in because it felt like i was being embraced.

    April 23, 2012

    Hi Everyone,

    It is so inspiring to read about everyones challenges and to know we are not alone. I have spent many years now working on clearing patterns and have managed to encouorage my Mum to do a bit of adjusting too. I guess the old joke is “when will it end :)’ I will be4 years out of my marriage at the end of Aug 2012 ans still feel like I have not moved at all sometimes but my daughter who is now about to turn 20 in June encourages me and tells me how much faster I pull myself back together when I fall in a heap. The most amazing things is how sure my daughter and son (17yo) are about moving on. They also clear a lot of patterns as they were rejected by not only their Dad but their grandparents on his side as well. We then tried to move to be near my sister and her family in another state only to have the same things happen when we wanted to make our own choices. So I guess the pattern is usually in our family first not just the partners family. I struggle with one moment feeling liberated and empowered and then suddenly I question what I have done and put energy into how I can build back these relationships. I recently tuned 50 and my daughter arranged a surprise party for me and they were all lovely people with no dramas and it was a great evening. My daughter always tells me that I spend too much time thinking of those who do not love me than the many who do. my kids call me an inspiration but they have truely been an inspiration to me. They are so clear on what is and is not acceptable – yet I can still worry that I have caused them harm by leaving the marriage. But is getting better and better day by day. Love to you all love KJ

    May 7, 2012

    I am beginning to understand the necessity in creating the new empowering belief system…I understand how your thoughts are connected to the feelings/emotions and that awareness of the this connection is the beginning of changing this pattern..I am not sure what an empowering feeling is to replace with or aline with the thought.I’m not even sure what the thought is that created the feeling..I do know that thought creates emotion and that emotion is what we are “feel” physically and that is created in our brain chemistry that is released into our muscle memory and into our cellular level and this is what is passed down in our DNA…Now, can I make that anymore confusing!!?? I know what I know inside of me but I do not have the right words or the science knowledge to express this in an educated matter. However, my concern is, what are some empowering beliefs..stupid as that may sound. I guess it is like the Little Red Train getting up that hill saying “I know I can, I know I can”..I’m confused but I am so ready for change……
    After reading what I just wrote, I can tell right there that it is fear based…like I am afraid to change my beliefs..almost looking for an excuse or for someone to do it for me…I just need to start rowing the paddles myself, so to speak……Thank you for giving me a place to think out loud..

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