Do you struggle to put yourself first? Do you have trouble envisioning your success and survival without the support of someone else? Do you sometimes feel subconsciously that your goal in life is to procure a partner, regardless of the emotional cost, who will provide for you?
Do you ever wonder why you believe this despite modern society providing ample opportunities for women to manifest their dreams? Logically we may think we can be powerful, yet on some deeper level, we feel the opposite.
I see, all too often, the ‘curse’ of why it can be so hard for a woman to think straight, honour herself and make different choices and behaviours in order to create a happier and more empowered love life for herself.
I’m not talking about the obvious reasons why she may have self-defeating patterns, such as: My mum put everyone’s needs before her own and believed that sustaining a marriage was the most important thing in her life.
Childhood programming is really important, however usually there is deeper and more powerful stuff going on.
These are the limiting beliefs we received before childhood – one’s which already existed in our DNA.
Women have been evolving through the ages – yet it has been a struggle, and a very slow and arduous task.
Not so long ago, women believed it was normal and expected to stay silent, tolerate their life and not ask for their love needs be met.
Not so long ago, women due to the necessity to survive, if in painful relationships, had to sell themselves out horrifically, because having their love needs met was a very minor priority compared to being sheltered, fed, retaining their children and being allowed to live in a community which could protect them from physical danger, rape and murder.
Women often only had one chance at love, and if it didn’t work out it was just too bad.
What Women Went Through Only a Few Generations Ago
The Western world, which has acknowledged women’s rights more than many Eastern countries, still did NOT until 1848 create laws that protected a woman’s property.
Before this time anything that the woman owned was the property of her father and then her husband. Children were considered “property” as well, and remained in the husband’s possession after divorce or separation.
Therefore if she did not make her marriage work she lost every material possession and all rights to her children – and risked her personal ability to survive.
It wasn’t until 1857 she was allowed to divorce and leave her husband, and only if she could prove in a court of law that he had left her, or was cruel to her.
It wasn’t until 1870 that she could keep any money she earned.
It wasn’t until 1891 that she could not be forced to live with her husband if she didn’t want to.
Before married women’s property acts from 1848 onwards were passed, a woman lost any right to control property that was hers prior to the marriage, nor did she have rights to acquire any property during marriage. A married woman could not make contracts, keep or control her own wages or any rents, transfer property, sell property or take out any lawsuit.
Materially women were severely disadvantaged by separation or divorce, but it didn’t stop there.
According to the Oxford Encyclopaedia of World History it wasn’t until 1970, and the explosion of divorces occurring world-wide, that the stigma of divorce began to lessen.
However, still to this day there are many church denominations who will not accept worshippers new, or existing that are divorced.
Traditionally women were seen as bearing the moral duty of keeping the family and marriage together, and often she was deemed a failure if she didn’t. After a divorce she was thought of as morally suspect, and often condemned by her community.
As a result she had very limited if any future suitors. In certain countries she was never allowed to legally married again, even if she did fluke the opportunity.
You may be wondering why the history lesson, and why I am talking about these things, because you might shake your head and say “That’s not what happens now!”
You’re right it doesn’t happen like this now…
But women are still behaving as IF IT DOES!….
These Limiting Beliefs Carry Over In Our DNA
You see, in the evolution of womankind, the changes to have rights, to not be judged, to choose another more suitable partner, retain our children, have possessions, a wage and survive on our own, has only recently become a tiny new portion of our history and ‘makeup’.
We had eons of the old ways before this very new adjustment.
Our mothers hadn’t even started to grasp this new adjustment – and they certainly weren’t comfortable in teaching it to us.
Their own mothers didn’t have a clue about it…
Think about this: a nomadic breed of people cannot be contained and adapt immediately to stationery lifestyles, and certainly not within two hundred years – simply because everything in their inner DNA is screaming: Keep moving with the cycles of nature in order to survive.
Similarly a woman’s inner DNA has not had time to adjust, and is screaming: Keep the peace, make it work, don’t leave the relationship, don’t let him leave you, and don’t go through the horror of a failed relationship.
I want you to really think about the following:
I know where a lot of my deepest fears and love pain have come from, which is all the normal woman stuff:
- If he leaves me I’ll die
- If this relationship doesn’t work, there may never be another one
- If I leave him, people will judge me as being a failure
- No-one else will ever want me
- How on earth am I going to survive on my own?
- If I keep the peace, he’ll stay and at least I’ll be safe
I’m a woman; I’m a product of my forbears…just as we all are. Is it any wonder that most women tend to act more co-dependently, and are more able to tolerate abuse than most men?
I’ve had to work at healing my inner DNA programs, to stop selling myself out to these ancient survival fears – and thank goodness I have, because they used to cripple me.
Don’t resent the fact that you’re a woman, and don’t resent the fact that men had a great deal of the power for a long time. Gloriously, now we live in times where we are granted equal rights…yes it’s true!… And we can now be safe, be loved, create our truth and live it safely – and if it doesn’t work, we have the ability to move on, honour ourself and live and love again.
There are wonderful men available, and in fact even back in those darker times there were fabulous men back then too, and some ladies despite the systems limitations, were able to enjoy fulfilling, caring and considerate marriages.
Please don’t blame men – this blog is not about despising men, it is about loving yourself enough to break out of the limitations that crippled many females before our time.
We do not have to keep living out their pain…
You Can Release The Shackles
So what to do? As always, really feel into these deep DNA Programs, by looking back at the times in your life that you know you have ‘sold yourself out’ and know it was because of incredible fear.
It is likely that, every time you did, these ancient limiting beliefs had something to do with it.
When you become aware of them and embrace them, you will start to dissolve them. Your awareness starts to set you free. You can also start working on journaling, letting go of some of these beliefs, by reframing them into ones that ease the fear, empower you – and therefore serve you.
These limiting belief are stored cellularly in our bodies, within our inner self identity. They play out as fearful emotions. The only way we can stop our inner cycle of fear is to solidly own these emotions, confront them and release them.
We liberate our fears when we face them, let them go and replace them with empowering belief systems. Once you let go of these limiting beliefs you have the room to establish, become and start living and attracting your empowered inner identity.
The true you, once updated into a vibrationally modern woman, knows she is the creator of her love reality. She knows (without fear) – just like taking her next breath – that she can say ‘no’ to a limited or even painful love existence, and she is her own creator, backed with empowered choices, who aligns with real, safe, healthy and satisfying love.
Many of our sisters before us had limited options, and very little vibrational knowledge. They knew how to be victims and accept their lot in life, because that was all they could do in their hope to survive.
This is not the ‘female reality’ now…
I’d love to hear your comments about how you feel these inner DNA programs play out in your life, and / or how you have been able to liberate them.
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