Melanie Tonia Evans

How Nora Triumphed Depsite All Odds – Thriver Story #30

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
28
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

This week’s blog and radio show is a Thriver Show, about a wonderful woman named Nora, who is also one of the Senior Moderators in the NARP Forum.

Nora’s story is quite exceptional.

Nora is a woman who suffered narcissistic abuse, which included components such as him taking another wife without her consent, and suffering numerous affairs, neglect, and abuse until she experienced severe medical conditions, which affected her brain and heart and almost took her life.

This is a story of sheer survival for many years, and then ultimate Thriving after narcissistic abuse.

The original transcript is below, however Nora and I chatted about many more things regarding her story in a more free-style conversation …. which you can listen to by pressing play above.

Or you can read the show notes posted below.

 

Can you please describe your narcissistic abuse experience for the audience Nora? 

I met him at a girlfriend’s engagement function. I was ideal, fresh, naïve, educated.

The attraction between us was strong and instant.  He was tall with good looks, policeman come business man, religious and seemed to be a good catch. A few phone conversations later, N was eager to seek my hand in marriage with dad. He courted me with gifts, new dresses, shoes. It was highly exciting.  I felt like Cinderella and he my prince.

By this time I was so hooked and started to witness N’s eccentric behaviour, extreme moodiness, sudden withdrawals, mood swings, violence, “test” slap dates. I accepted this as the norm.  I was my family’s scapegoat. Dad sole bread winner with 5 children and a schizophrenic wife was only too happy to welcome some financial aid to remove one of the burdens off his shoulder. Marriage was an escape door.

Later learnt that N was a school dropout; stories about police work were fake, he was the phone despatch in National Service, his business belonged to his mom, in frozen meat products. Little did I realize I had become a trophy, a working wife for financial security and property ownership and marriage so that N could look good in Society.

I was determined to make the marriage work, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work on myself and kept trying to fix anything that was not working for N’s cause.  I excused N’s eccentric behaviour to his low self-esteem and lack of education. N controlled my salary in a joint account and guarded the card and passbook. Because of cultural norms, he controlled my dressing, what we should buy and eat.  He gave me daily pocket money. I thought he was “doting” on me. I mistook his behaviour for love, but later learnt this was triangulation to manipulate and gaslight.  I accepted this because I believed, I owed him for rescuing me from the dysfunction of my family of origin.

I became a success in any field I ventured, Paralegal, exhibitions, PA to CEO, a part-time property agent, my own business in costume jewellery of making diamond and semi-precious jewellery. He was constantly suspicious and quick to accuse me of looking at other men, of dressing well for others.  Later I came to find out it was he who was doing this. With many women.

After I gave birth to my son, it was thought that I might have had cancer. He decided that he would marry another woman citing our son as bad luck which was the reasoning he used to do what he did. After this eventful trip away, he was ended up detained for 14 days and after the whole ordeal, now he was meek apologised profusely, begged me to go back, against my family’s wishes.  He excused his marriage as a farce to escape detention.  He cried, apologised and promised never to repeat this.  Of course I took him back.

I was a fixer.  I succeeded easily in studies, work and other areas. I believed this marriage must work, and I could make it work.  I chose him over myself and life. I buried myself, my laughter, my wellbeing and chose to believe him and went back to our matrimonial home with our son.  I put up with his many lies.  I didn’t realize I was already in the throes of C-PSTD.   I was expecting again but didn’t tell anyone until I was past seven months. He wanted me to abort but I persisted to have our baby. He withdrew after our daughter was born and ended up abandoning me at my parent’s home and left to attend an in camp training on National service, but really he went back to the other wife.

I found the marriage certificate for that marriage hidden under the car mat along with his “lost” International passport.  My first thought was that I had failed and life was not worth living.  But my babies anchored me.

I didn’t deserve to live … this kept playing out in my mind. Truly believing I was duty bound and shamed, I put up with abuse in hopes of keeping us safe from his temper tantrums.  He was prone to physical abuse when children cried, or I refused him. We moved houses frequently, changed cars frequently. He couldn’t condone any loud noises, children talking/crying, clock ticking or the sound of water pipes.

It never once occurred to me that I had rights. I could walk away and call for help and seek intervention. What played up in my mind was the shame and embarrassment that my actions will cause our families. It was all in my hands up to me to keep it quiet.  I put on a brave face on the outside but a quivering mess of nerves on the inside when he was around. It was as though he was holding an invisible whip and I danced to his every tune. I accepted this as my fate.

Home was a nightmare, his behaviour was bizarre, deviant, preoccupied.  His relationship with me was superficial, explosive and exploitative. I became more isolated, avoiding friends, family and I was in denial.

 

How was your health. mental and physical, as a result of your experience?

I paid a hefty price in this marriage. I very nearly lost my life and my mind.  It all got too much to bear. I was screaming but there was no sound. The psychological trauma was so unbearable I was no longer in my body. I was in self-denial and in utter disbelief that this was happening to me. I pretended all was fine.  It was a game of ‘cat and mouse”.  I put so much attention on him, I didn’t realise I had lost my priorities, my children disappeared into the backdrop. He had been working on our children as his confidants and proxies and they were soon acting out from the manipulation dysfunction of an Altruistic Narcissistic Dad and a passive co-dependant Mom.

Work was my reprieve away from the horror of abuse, stress and drama and my passive participation in it. I was running, harder and harder but was still at the same spot, I couldn’t escape. I wore myself down purposefully, uncaring of my health, my children. Facing up to the truth was too traumatizing, was unfathomable for my psyche, but I was still the good wife, gave in to him whenever and whatever he wanted;  It was demeaning yet I couldn’t help it. I started to suspect I was an addict.

I was wearing masks with friends and family to hide the unhappiness and farce of this marriage. That beautiful spirit, my dad had admired, aptly named Light of the Earth, was slowly ebbing. Because the physical pain was no longer registering in my body, I couldn’t tell I wasn’t well.   

I dropped into a stroke, ending up in a coma on eve of Christmas 2008. I suppose from this moment I was awakened, this was my turning point.  I had an NDE, multiple brain surgeries, epilepsy due to brain scarring, coma, heart surgery and was in recuperation between 2009-2012 but I was still holding down a job! I guess I was superwoman with a mask of brokenness.

 

Were you seeking any help to try and get well? 

I took up counselling and psychology thinking if I helped others, I will be helping myself and find myself and my true calling. I tried confiding to some friends and family. Most times I was on my knees, for strength, to be saved, to be rescued. Prayers became second nature for relief. The relief was temporary, and pain came back. I was basing my wellness on people and circumstances outside of me. Many times I thought of ending my life. The thought of this bringing shame to my family, the love of our children and religion were the things that stopped me.

 

When did you discover that he was a narcissist?

Between 2010-2012 his many affairs became open and his mask really dropped.  He was threatening me with divorce as a form of control. Still looking to him for relief I was pleading with him not to divorce, for the sake of children. They had started their university degrees while I was still on heavy medication. I started in the same pattern and I was prepared to die under another stroke.

I signed up for counselling at social service for marital problems; CBT is a slow process not much healing, more trauma surfaced.

In late 2012 Melanie I chanced upon your blog articles and talk shows.  I connected to you through FB. At first I wasn’t very convinced and didn’t put in any work, I only researched more about narcissists.

With threats of divorce looming over my head, in Feb 2013 I went on a holy pilgrimage; a Soofie leader’s wife was one of my room mates.  I cried tons of tears and wanted God to take me or cure him or give me peace, courage strength to accept the future, to face my worst fears whatever comes.  This became my daily prayers.  I got all I asked for and much more.

Shortly after that, I received emails and news letters from MTE. In late 2013 I purchased the NARP programme but I didn’t contact you Mel or the forum. I went back to University, to pursue Psychology, but found it too heavy, had trouble with information retrieval. I couldn’t take the stress of exams or commit to learning long term due to loss of cells that affected my memory from multiple brain surgeries.

I researched narcissism more under your articles.  I found that your information was giving me more answers and truths than anything else on the internet. I was like a sponge soaked in every piece of information, and the more I read the more clarity I found that my husband was a perfect textbook case of an Altruistic Narcissist.

The fear of dying and my assets falling into his hands by default was uppermost in my mind.  In July 2014, I had a fall and had to go for knee surgery where I discovered the onset of RA and OA bone degenerative disease.

 

When did you join the NARP community?

Something happened. I had an out of body experience. I took part in your Webinar when on medical leave in casts at home, and it was then I had my first encounter with my inner child.   I had lost the NARP Program by that time and I contacted the MTE team to get a copy of my lost purchase.  It was from my profound Webinar experience that I knew what path I had to take. It was from then on that I worked NARP relentlessly.

My husband had left me after knee surgery, and I was unable to walk. In casts and crutches I used this period of relief to work NARP in Oct 2014.

I couldn’t self-abandon any longer so was forced to sit it out with NARP. I worked Modules every day without fail. It was then that my feelings of being hooked into my husband left me. My C-PTSD was rapidly easing and I started feeling better and better as a result of releasing all the trauma out of my body with the Modules.

Then I purchased the Family of Origins programme and Empowered Self course to make sure of keeping myself busy instead of getting hooked into my husband’s many dramas.

It was incredible how I stopped being fearful of him, there was no more ice in my veins, no more agoraphobia. I was able to start making empowered choices for myself.

I bought my second hand car and became, for the first time in years, independent. I closed my weak boundaries in all areas, family, work and friends. I stopped people pleasing. Things in my life were changing dramatically.

I started getting stronger, travelled for work and leisure without fears of dying. I tapped the energies of nature, and became more anchored and alive. I also became more spiritual and more committed to meditation and prayers. I worked the NARP Forum, and because of my progress and success with NARP, I was given a chance as Moderator then Senior Moderator.

I filed for divorce on 7 January 2015, and I worked the Modules nearly daily for a whole month, deeply listening to where the Modules and my body were guiding me to.

Quanta Freedom Healing was auto-guiding me to the NARP Modules that I needed to go to or redo. The more I did QFH the more healed and the happier I became.

 

What were the deep hooks in your body that you discovered you needed to heal?

Whilst doing the Module work I discovered deep programs that I had been carrying my entire life, that totally explained why my life had turned out how it had – without me even knowing it at the time.

I discovered these programs that had been instilled in my young childhood years: “I am not enough”, “I don’t deserve life, love, support or to be alive”, “Love hurts”, “No pain no gain”, and so many more.  I had deep seated DNA fears of abandonment, heavy feelings of guilt and of being responsible for others.

This caused me to try to be safe by controlling circumstances and others (my co-dependency), to give to get and did more than my share of caring at the expense of self.

I became conscious that these inner painful beliefs had been showing up as my outer experiences. I tracked much of the pain deep into the recesses of my subconscious and when I released these programs my freedom and liberation started to happen. Emotionally at first and then in the empowered and clear choices I started to make.

 

What has happened as the “real results” since doing the inner work in your life?

I understood that I attracted the dysfunction and I was a match because of my unhealed inner woundedness. I embraced the N as my greatest teacher, and forgave life and myself for the dysfunction.

I stopped people pleasing, I stopped playing small. I no longer feel I cannot survive alone, I became more balanced. I understand that money is a medium of exchange and I am part of the richness of this Universe.

I became bold, voiced my feelings, wants and needs more often, I took care of the food I consumed, exercised more and started to live fully inside my body. My health and previous health conditions improved in miraculous ways. I made peace with my past, present and now look joyously towards the future.

I started to fall in love with the light within me, because I know I am an integral part of connectedness and God Source. I was no longer waiting to be rescued; I did the rescuing myself.

I overcame codependency, I evolved from a victim, to survivor to Thriver!

I no longer questioned my body’s messages, I now respond and support myself. I feel like a butterfly which had left behind her cocoon

My life has evolved into exactly all I wanted; Peace, quiet, support love and happiness.   I thrive at manifesting and create all that I wish and want.

 

What has happened in regards to property and co-parenting? 

In the past, I was protective of the children, I felt fearful for the children that the narcissist might manipulate, but now I accept that they too have their Higher Source guiding their evolution.  Life can work their much needed soul lessons for their healing and evolution too.

My children are young adults they are finding their way. I now, am allowing my young adults to heal and become evolved beings like myself, remotely, peaceful in the knowledge, I will get my share. There is nothing to fight, worry or stress over.  I have found a perfect living space for myself, my mini garden and my Ragdoll “dog-cat” a temporary residence away from the narcissistic dramas to activate my maternal instincts.

I no longer feel needy or want things that are out of reach, everything is now within me. I no longer feel responsible for N, others or my children.

The property settlement case was awarded in my favour, I am no longer dealing with any property issues. I was awarded 70% plus damages to the matrimonial property. My welfare was fully taken care of by the Universe

I know I created this by the use of NARP Modules. I was able to shift myself to a total place of surrender, calm and peace, without any need for any particular outcome. As a result of releasing all fear from my body regarding “what would happen or “fear for my future”, I was at peace 100% that the right verdict would arise no matter what it was.

The settlement was the most incredible settlement I could have imagined, and there is no way I would have been a match for that without working your Program Melanie.

 

Being a Moderator in the Forum and “giving back” Nora, what has that experience been like for you?

The forum was a safe house and had the right consistency of holding space for gentle, guidance and healing. As I evolved more the forum was a good guide and gauge for my wellness.

I worked the forum and Mel you offered a chance as Moderator then Senior Moderator. I really fully support and advocate volunteering in the forum to create a bank account of a Sense of Achievement and wellness.  It’s like you are fully embraced in a room full of wonderful light beings of angels. It acts to check the hooks of how much active co-dependants is still left for we always start to team up and dance with fresh pain bodies.

Go for it, even if you feel you are not good or ready, you are, because the situation is calling you to up level and step up and into your new energetic disc, and you will do exactly that.

 

What final message Nora do you have to share with others?

 

  • Don’t let your faith or religion deter you from embracing your uniqueness;
  • Do the necessary inner work with commitment, faith and hope to break free;
  • If you are here in this energy you are a part of this Divine energy and will succeed;
  • Don’t ever doubt your strength and power;
  • I will say be humble, love more, simply be yourself;
  • Enter the MTE angelic realm, leaving the cloak of judgement and ego behind you.

I wish to share this lovely story about feelings. It resonates so deeply with my reality and my current life…. you decide which pole you choose to be at.

Once there was an island where all the feelings lived together.  One day there was a storm in the sea and the island was about to drown.  Every feeling was scared but Love. Love made a boat to escape. All the feelings jumped in the boat except for one feeling.  Love got down to see who it was… it was Ego! Love tried and tried but Ego didn’t move. Everyone asked Love to leave Ego, and hop into the boat.  All other feelings lived but love died because of EGO!

The End?  Now for the twist.  Love is eternal only Ego thinks Love died!! Make sense?

May we all embrace what we came to do finally.

 

Thank You For Listening To Nora’s Thriver Show

I really loved having the conversation I did with Nora, she is such a special lady!

How wonderful it is that we can all connect in Unity Consciousness, regardless of our race and religion, to join in the Oneness of healing and coming out the other side after narcissistic abuse.

If this show resonates with you and you want to learn how to truly heal just like Nora and so many others have done, I would love you to join the NARP family.

You can find all the information on how to join here. 

Both Nora and myself would love to answer any of your questions and comments, so please leave them in the comments section below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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28 Thoughts on How Nora Triumphed Depsite All Odds – Thriver Story #30
  • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
    Lorraine
    March 4, 2016

    A truely inspirational story.
    Thank you Nora and Melanie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Lorraine,

      you are so welcome.

      Bless!

      Mel xo

    • ncruzer67@gmail.com'
      ncruzer
      July 6, 2018

      This is exactly what I needed to hear. What beautiful and inspirational message, it gives me so much hope as I am in the midst of my divorce.
      Thank you both!
      Much love

  • debbie.saklatvala@hotmail.co.uk'
    Debbie
    March 4, 2016

    Thank you xx

  • Dawn02129@aol.com'
    Dawn
    March 5, 2016

    Thanks for this wonderful story. It seems lots of boundaries got her well but the end story is about love, not ego. Does this imply that when we love ourSELVES our ego fear dies and we can stop people pleasing and we can set boundaries?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Dawn,

      That’s great you enjoyed the story …

      I will let Nora, answer that from her perspective.

      Mel xo

      • noorjahanabdulaziz@gmail.com'
        Nora
        March 6, 2016

        Dear Dawn,

        I am happy you found my story inspiring, dear one. The moral in this story is that death or pain is experienced only when we are “set” in separateness. By embracing the shadows within us, both dark and golden, we reach a state of ” Divine Oneness” and release the karmic cycle. We reach the TrueSelf, resonate pure LOVE and have only gratitude for the Catalyst.

        Coming back to my story,I released the thought that N was bad and I was good. I accepted N was necessary for my evolution. For my good the “I” in me attracted the N’s darkness so that the darkness within me could be released and embraced as One. I accepted that I manifested the “storm=suffering”, I made the boat and I helped everyone, including Ego, in our case the Ns’ to set us free….

        Love and Light.

  • rajapetnavitha@yahoo.com'
    Martha
    March 5, 2016

    Thank you Nora, thank you melanie.it is amazing how you thrived Nora.what saddens me about other abuse groups is they discuss all about the narcs-what they do and how they behave.but most people feel only more powerless ,victimized and hopeless.discussing about the narc causes more frustration and pain.ruminating never helps.what is amazing here is a true hope to heal …..that too completely!!!! Thank you melanie and Nora for your amazing insight into healing and THRIVING !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Martha,

      you are very welcome.

      I totally agree that it is very sad that so many abuse groups encourage people to stay mired in the issues and pain, rather than be focused in solution.

      We are so blessed that we do have a way to truly heal and Thrive and can help revolutionize that old model!

      Mel xo

  • jonassahlberg@hotmail.com'
    Julie
    March 5, 2016

    It is just incredible how you went through all that Nora.

    I have also started thriving. It feels so good to shed the pain and see where the universe leads me.

    thank you Nora and Melanie.

    And Blessings to all, Julie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Julie,

      How lovely you are shedding the pain and making room for the great stuff!

      You are so welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Susanna.m.lucas@gmail.com'
    Sunny
    March 5, 2016

    Agreed – obsessing over ‘your’ N is like a prisoner obsessing over the guards, what they did, what they might do next. But you are the one locked in the cell. You have only yourself for company. Why not become good company, the best possible?

    • Susanna.m.lucas@gmail.com'
      Sunny
      March 5, 2016

      Should have added – Nora got 70% – she was vindicated and got some justice. What if you are still in the trap bearing the full cost of a divorce. I could no more afford $200 for MTE’s program than a week in the Caribbean. Good days are feeling numb bad days are wondering how to kill myself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Sunny,

      it is so so true …

      As Nelson Mandela said regarding him emotionally freeing himself ..

      “I would still have been a prisoner.”

      Mel xo

  • deltatpa@msn.com'
    Karen
    March 5, 2016

    Dear Nora and Melanie

    I can’t tell you how much reading this did for me, but one day I will.

    Thank you both….with love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 6, 2016

      Hi Karen,

      and one day lovely lady … so you will!

      You are very welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jeanjohnson2911@gmail.com'
    jean
    March 6, 2016

    Nora (and Melanie) – what a beautiful story from a beautiful soul♡. Such a common thread. ..how we can accept dying and instead of living. ..when we do not know another way of being.

    You’re both wise spirits.

  • karenleigh2010@hotmail.com'
    Karen Leigh
    March 6, 2016

    Truly loved this story – Very inspiring – I must return to the modules …This also inspires me to get more involved with the forum..not sure where to start…thank you for sharing this xoxo

  • Katieshopsalways@aol.com'
    Katie
    March 7, 2016

    A very inspiring story to help others to release the darkness all around them, and to live in LOVE…

  • tracelizzy1970@gmail.com'
    smiler
    March 7, 2016

    Absolutely amazing.. thank you. I have been in real turmoil for the last 10 months. I met a narc, we were both in relationships (not that he told me, I found out). As I was in an emotionally abusive relationship guess what.. the narc came from nowhere and was my knight that I had always wished for. How strange he seemed to either have been or experienced what I was going through. I was vulnerable and boy did he take full advantage. Now I am an educated lady and would never fall for such nonsense but how wrong because I did. I was not even attracted to this man but his love bombing got me big time. It felt so good with him…I felt complete. I now realise I was brainwashed and got myself into situations I would never embark on in my full mental capacity. I did research on this man and found out lots about him and I know he continues to do this. He was controlling my every thought and movement. I became a shadow of myself. I was what I thought happy but I was very very sad. I even had a suicide pact in place (I now realise he had projected his real self onto me). What stopped me was I knew something was so wrong. I had a husband who had been for councelling and no longer was emotionally abusive. He never realised what he was doing. He was deeply sorry. I became depressed and my mothering skills were not as I would want. I listened to songs and depressive lyrics, I could not let go of reading about narcs (this narc even asked my husband to go out with him), I had to know what was going on. Melanie you will never know the impact you have had on my recovery. Reflecting back on this big learning curve has been one of ‘how did I not see through him’. I did not because I did not want to, simply that..false hope.
    This has been a time I never want to go through again but this is the outcome: my children are my best gift, my husband is truly the best, I made a friend who is like a sister to me and I am no longer a people pleaser, I do not feel guilty, I can trust people, I love me, I am worthy to be walking this earth, I am no longer scared and I am good enough. I am also happy with my body.
    It has been lovely to meet my inner child.. she is beautiful and I did not realise she was the person suffering within me. I have always thought there is part of the jigsaw missing in me. I have found out why I attracted the narc (and I ended it with him). Only yesterday I realise that my mother told me I was not good enough and always put my sister first, she also told me I had a fat bottom at one time. My father had an affair and left when I was 10 years old for a period of time, my grandmother died on me and I had to try and resuscitation at 13 years old, my other grandad and gran died too and my first boyfriend who I was engaged to left me. Now I see it plainly.. my beautiful inner child was traumatised. The bit of the jigsaw has been put solidly in place. I am in my 40 s and now complete. I have come to realise people I love always hurt me. Also I so wanted my mum to believe in me.
    So to you all out there you can do it. I had some councelling, spoke with my now best friend, kept in touch with my GP, spoke to God and followed Melanie.
    Where there was no hope and darkness there is now light and warmth. Where the house was hell is now home. It was hard work but every minute was worth it for this completeness and happiness.
    Best of luck everyone and remember you are stronger than you think so grab what you deserve!
    Thanks Melanie ☺☺

  • tracelizzy1970@gmail.com'
    smiler
    March 7, 2016

    I would also like to add that the narc played victim and I was helping him.I don’t believe a word of his degrading other people now. Also to benefit me I attended a 12 week course on domestic abuse and clearly know what a healthy man is and what an unhealthy man is. In my profession I can also take and use all this knowledge so it’s all had a very positive ending. Love to you all. Xx

  • milicama09@gmail.com'
    Ananda
    March 8, 2016

    Hello Nora,
    thank you for sharing your story. I have few questions…
    First, you said that you gave up pursuing University because of your brain damage. Did you overcome it with NARP and did you go back to the College? I’m asking this because I enrolled College of Arts and I’m having the same difficulties, I don’t want to give up but the inner obstacles are to big for me.
    And second…you said that you overcame codependency, did you have to learn new informations about it (like reading about boundaries and people pleasing, gaining knowledge from book, articles etc) besides releasing painful emotions, or did you just get rid of the charges and after that intuitively knew how to relate healthily?
    Thanks 🙂

    • NOORJAHANABDULAZIZ@GMAIL.COM'
      Nora
      April 22, 2016

      Dear Ananda,

      Firstly I must apologise for taking such a long time to respond. However, dear one, my work commitments, and continuing education has kept me busy. No excuse, I am so sorry, please forgive me. Thank you so much.

      To answer, your question studying after brain damage – did I overcome it? I would say this with a resounding yes. Narp cleared away all the “rubbish”. Thus with more freed up space I could not only perform well, I used myself as the test subject. I am now moving forward with Psychological Studies. I am doing well, the lecturers are very supportive and my results show great promise and progress on neuro plasticity and human resiliency. Dr Tal Ben Shahar’s Youtube is testament that brain damage is actually a “drastic” blessing, it awakened me out of the “fog” . I have become part of my research study. So I will highly encourage you to go do what ever makes you happy. If you have any “stumbling blocks” its okay. Take a break from the rubber band effect. The trick is to be aware, stop, take frequent breaks before breakdown point. Research has shown stress is only as good to the one who recognizes the breakdown point and rests before breakdown. Once your mind breathes and overcomes the fear and anxiety of breakdown point. Try again after you have calmed down. Much like when a child has a bad experience, any similar action is frightening. So treat yourself as a parent would, with much patience and unconditional love. Reattempt after you have managed to calm all fears. Humans are prone to habits. The more you make an action into a habit, it becomes subconscious. The only “inner blocks” are our own false beliefs as Mel says you can’t park your shiny Ferrari over a rundown scrap. I love to use stories, to rationalise, in this case, “the barracuda and the glass effect” and “the young elephant chained to a great log” comes to mind.

      Don’t give up, but go at a pace that you are able to enjoy the experience. The uni which I enrolled before was exam based as such I couldn’t cope. So I sought one with project based and more lead time. When I embarked on the study, I asked myself why was I doing this? And the answer was to feel happy and confident. This was adding to my sense of achievement and personal satisfaction. I see myself simply trying to be better then I was yesterday, on a daily basis. Learning new things is a “mind gym” for the brain.

      Overcoming co-dependency wasn’t about doing it was about being and becoming. You remember I had trouble with short term memory. My learning style changed, I forced myself to become self aware of “my dance with N”, I delayed pulling the plug on the relationship because I was making mental maps of my co dependent behaviour in the familiar N dance. I “saw” vast differences in my reactions before and post NDE, Narp. The saying that one cannot solve a problem with the mind which created it is so true. I was able to overcome the problem after I rewired my brain using Narp.

      Though I wasn’t able to “remember” by reading about co-dependency, but I made mental images by listening to Mel’s many radio talk shows on the topic. I was learning through converting the talk into images which made lasting blueprints and paved for new me to evolve. As I mentioned, I became “stronger” then before. My learning and problem solving strategy changed. I became more special and needed more me time.

      So, Ananda, do any needful searches and learning, but know that you are now safe to make mistakes. Your inner compass is much sharper after Narp, its set to auto, you will make it even after taking a wrong turn, you can always form new “correct adult self parenting behaviours, by returning back on course.

      We stop seeking external validation and find our own inner joystick. Keep throwing this as far as you can, imagine your joyful dog chasing that stick to bring it back to its master. The universe works in unison with you and not against you. The sky is your limit.

      After Narp, the right responses become second nature, because you placed complete faith and trust in your HIGHER SELF.

      Hope this answers your questions.

      Love and light dear one.

  • paul.p.allen@openreach.co.uk'
    Paul
    March 9, 2016

    Well done thank you for sharing your journey. I am so glad you have found yourself and climbed out from beneath the black cloud. Enjoy your life and all it has to offer best wishes Paul

  • gudrun@shootoutcrew.co.za'
    Gudrun
    March 14, 2016

    I really needed to read this today, Nora. Thank you for sharing not just your story of abuse, but of surviving and Thriving! I divorced a NARC eighteen months ago but the realisation of narcissistic abuse only came to me late last year. Next week he is taking me to maintenance court to argue for a lesser maintenance contribution for our two boys – aged seven and nine. Never was there a time I felt more like a victim than today and as I struggled with my ego this morning, I thought, “take a look at MTE today for some inspiration”. Nora, I am reminded that I will see it when I believe it! Your words are with me: “I was able to shift myself to a total place of surrender, calm and peace, without any need for any particular outcome.” like a shield as I go in to do my soul’s battle.

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