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This Thriver Show is a very special one because there is a big focus on the debilitating physical conditions which occur as a result of trauma and narcissistic abuse, and what the solutions are that can help you get better.

If you are new to the New Life Newsletter, I share a story with someone in the community every few weeks, who is now thriving after narcissistic abuse, to inspire you and show you that there is hope and there is a way to recover.

During this show you will learn about Abbe’s story, how she has struggled physically for much of her life as a result of abuse, Abbe explains not only how she healed her emotions with Quanta Freedom Healing (the healing process in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) but also how after years of searching she discovered a treatment that has had miraculous success in healing her physical symptoms as well.

This is a must listen to show for everyone out there dealing with fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and other various health issues.

Click the play button at the top of this article to listen to the interview or you can read the transcript below.

 

Abbe could you please share your narcissistic abuse experience…

Three years ago I met a man who I believed would change my life.

In the beginning I was sooo very happy, filled with desire and love for this man who treated me like a precious gift.

Phone calls every day, mountains of affection, long deep conversations.

He told me how much I had changed his life, how I was so very different from all other women he had met. I fell hard, I fell deeply in love.

He was tall, handsome, well educated, travelled extensively, spoke 4 languages, appeared to be financially responsible and was a part time father to his 2 boys.

I could not believe my luck!

We spent every available moment together for 3 months. I shared all my hopes and all my fears with him. I felt cherished and safe.

He had to go overseas on a business trip. We agreed to email each other frequently.

It was like he dropped off the face of the earth…zero communication. I was distraught.

This was so incredibly ‘out of the blue’ after the amazing loved up experience we had been having…

When after a week of me sending worried, then frantic, then incredibly angry emails he replied telling me how disappointed in me he was. That he had the flu and couldn’t communicate with anyone. That he wasn’t going to write anymore and that we would discuss my behaviour when he returned 3 weeks later. It was all MY fault. And I fell for that too.

I was beyond devastated. I was shattered, but I took the blame because I didn’t want to lose him…

 

Abbe that would have been horrendous when you got the ‘rug pulled out from underneath you’. What happened after that?

Things just went from bad to worse after that. Everyone listening knows the story.

Any inconsistencies in his behaviour were either my fault or completely imagined. Silent treatment, unfavourable comparisons to other women, conversations to nowhere coupled with little glimpses of the man I originally fell for.

Desperately trying to get that man back I became incredibly anxious and then the panic attacks started.

Now I was scared for my sanity, scared of losing the man I thought was my perfect match but also scared to continue a relationship with a man who felt so unsafe and painful to be with.

 

When did you realise you needed to get out of the relationship?

The last straw was when I discovered him cheating. I ended the relationship but was so damaged, so broken in spirit that I continued to communicate with him and was close to going back again.

I believed it was all me that was wrong. That I was going mental! I didn’t like who I was and what I had become. I desperately needed help. I was searching for some hope through a psychic reading when I found your Website.

 

Abbe was this when you realised what was really going on?

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I started reading….everything I was feeling was printed on the screen! I read your site from back to front and then again! I had never heard of Narcissism, light bulbs started flashing in my brain. I did the narc test. I sent an email to you asking if you could help.

I must admit I was sceptical but honestly had nothing to lose and so much to gain. It was the beginning of my journey…

I started doing Quanta Freedom Healing sessions with you.

WOW!! Having never experienced kinesiology or healings before I had no concept of how powerfully these sessions would work! You were so gentle, so respectful.

The feeling of gathering and letting go of my inner pain is almost indescribable…such relief!!! Filling the space with love and light…Glorious!!!

I bought a heap of your books and signed up to the newsletter. Between reading and the guided sessions with you within a few short weeks I was ready to go No Contact and completely committed to my healing, the relief was too strong not to.

 

Abbe you didn’t do The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery program (NARP) back then (you are the only Thriver I have interviewed who didn’t do NARP) – we worked together with Quanta Freedom Healing instead, but now for anyone listening – NARP is the key especially if you are in dire pain, because my waiting list is just too long. When I worked with Abbe I was doing 7-8 healings a day and could fit people in a lot quicker, which was in the earlier days…

Yes, I remember at the time asking you Mel how on earth you were going to keep up with what you were doing, because it was taking off so much. That was around the time you started creating the NARP Program.

I also joined your facebook group, which is now the NARP Recovery forum for new people.

 

This was an interesting time Abbe!

Hahaha I made quite an entrance. Being so caught up in the powerful new realisation that I could change my world I forgot to be gentle in my use of language when posting.

Luckily there were more than a few wonderful thrivers there who understood the meaning behind my clumsy delivery.

What an eye opener again! The love and support shared in the recovery group is simply delightful!

I have witnessed so many newbies arrive scared, gutted and exhausted by the Narcissistic Abuse they have suffered only to be welcomed, cyber hugged and guided to a way to heal.

NARP is by far the most used and extremely successful tool I’ve seen utilised.

I wandered in to a couple of other forums and pages on Facebook, the negative narc bashing turned me off immediately. Mainly because I would get a sick to my stomach reaction and start thinking about all the wrongs I perceived were done to me.

The positive, empowering healing strategy employed in this group felt better and once the Code of Conduct was introduced many threads that started negatively became positive beacons of hope, challenging and guiding members to look deeper to find the root of their pain and then how to release it.

So many “A HA!” moments have come from the interaction Ive had within the group! Amazing people intent on healing and helping others to do the same!

Some of those newbies are the strongest Thrivers now guiding newer newbies in the group.

Many of the veterans that were present when I arrived have healed and grown to the point that the group support is no longer necessary on a daily or weekly basis. I think many Like myself still drop by to watch the beautiful journeys of others and at times to contribute or simply leave a message of encouragement.

 

Like many of us Abbe, you had set backs, and had to dig deep. What happened?

I sure did have setbacks, but realised that this was just about realising I had more to heal, and doing the work to heal the parts that I still hadn’t discovered yet.

I broke No Contact after a year, it was at this time that I realised my healing journey was SO not just about the narcissistic partner, because I realised I had suffered a lifetime of narcissistic abuse of and on.

It was then that I purchased the Family Of Origin Healings and continued my inner work. I was really committed, and used many processes, the most powerful being the inner shift work and the processes your work Mel had taught me.

 

One of the reasons we are doing this interview today Abbe is because we want to help people make the connection between health and abuse and to get better in all areas of their life. Health has been a challenge for you Abbe, could you share about this?

I’ve tried many times over the last couple of years to start changing my career path, each time I’ve met resistance. It has taken a while to work out that the resistance was coming from how I felt about my physical abilities.

I have suffered panic attacks off and on for much of my life, even well before the narcissistic abuse experience. I was diagnosed in my 20’s with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which was brought on from my painful childhood experiences.

For many years I have suffered from intensely painful attacks in various parts of my body, particularly upper abdominal and chest pain.

I would spend hours literally throwing up gas! Noisy, painful attacks that would strike anytime they felt like it.

They are much worse when I am anxious or stressed. I don’t sleep well, have battled with my weight for years, have difficulty finding words when I verbally communicate, I have little to no energy and have struggled particularly in the last few years with meeting my life obligations and having energy for my family.

These symptoms have led me to feel defeated, embarrassed, sad, useless and angry.

Doing the inner work was essential, it was the vital foundation, and without that I was never going to recover emotionally or physically – but I still had physical issues to heal.

For years I have been misdiagnosed by doctor after doctor. I felt like no-one could help me.

This has been nearly as big a hurdle to my happiness and wellbeing as the Narc Abuse; unsurprisingly as answers have come to light regarding the physical causes for these issues I have discovered several of my conditions are triggered by traumatic events such as, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, narc abuse, severe bullying and physical abuse. I bet many people can relate to more than one on that list.

 

I agree with you Abbe that often contemporary medicine doesn’t go deep enough, and we need to open our minds more to the emotional / trauma connection and search for deeper answers.

That’s what you did…

Yes, approximately 6 months after I started my journey with you Mel I discovered that I had fibromyalgia. Finally an answer that made sense! However even after starting the recommended medication I was still in bad shape. Lethargy and brain fog disabled me from achieving the life I want. I talked to doctors to no avail, researched on the net and joined a support group.

While there seemed to be alternative treatments available I couldn’t even begin to know where to start and my doctors started every conversation with “Well you know fibro is a left over disease for when we can’t work out what else it may be.”

In October last year I came across an ad for a new doctor starting at a local holistic practice. I made an appointment.

What a change that one step has made in my life!

Cristina interviewed me for over an hour, taking my history and putting me through several questionnaires. She sent me to get blood and urine tests for all my hormone, vitamin and mineral levels.

That first day she also recommended starting a supplement routine for Adrenal fatigue.

When my tests came back  I was started on a regime of vitamin C for scurvy, zinc and b6 for Pyroluria, evening primrose oil for elevated oestrogen, vitamin D for general lack, magnesium for body ticks and cramping and coconut oil for energy.

My diagnosis is that my body could not digest food correctly due to these deficiencies, that my adrenals were shot, the pyroluria and fibromyalgia was causing much of my pain and contributed greatly to  bad sleep, anxiety, depression and as Cristina put it “WRONG THOUGHTS”.

I have a myriad of auto immune conditions that also contribute to my weight issues and deficiencies. My body was in starvation mode storing every bit of fat it could lay its hands on.

For the first time ever I had a doctor tell me not to worry about my weight! Once I got my levels right the weight would start to come off!

I’m about six weeks into the full regime. I haven’t had a nanna nap once! My energy is up, I’ve lost 3 kg, my sugar and salt cravings have lessened considerably (that means my adrenals are recovering), I can think clearer and I have many less negative thoughts!

 

Wow – that is nothing short of miraculous…Fantastic…That is why this is such a powerful message and I was so keen to do this show Abbe!

So true Mel! Looking after this body of mine feels great! This year is all about getting healthy! Learning to take the final step of loving the vessel that holds my spirit! I feel like my life can and is becoming one I’m happy and grateful for.

This is the year my challenges will become opportunities! I will rise to this challenge, I will succeed!

I have learnt that it is vital to find the right tools for both body and soul in order to fully heal.

And BOTH are totally essential – especially when the emotional stuff has become so pronounced it has become physical – which it has with SO many people who have suffered abuse and trauma.

You and the group led the way for my soul which in turn helped me find Cristina to show me how to heal my body.

That is exactly what this message is to people who are working on themselves…If this interview helps one person get themselves to a practitioner who can help them discover the answers to their health – I feel wonderful knowing I could help..

I AM GRATEFUL!!!

 

Well That’s it For This Thriver Story!

I hope you have been inspired by Abbe’s message – it really is a powerful one..

If you are interested in becoming a NARP member visit this page for more info.

For anyone struggling with physical ailments we strongly suggest that you search holistic and integrated doctors in your area and have a chat to them about having tests done and how they can help you with your health. Their services have been an enormous help to me over the last year.

For the people in the Melbourne Area you can visit Christina’s website here.

Thank you for listening to show. Please leave any questions or comments below and myself or Abbe will answer them personally.

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Commments (27) + Leave a comments

27 thoughts on “Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #12 Abbe

  1. Abbé you have done so well, you are such a fighter and an inspiration, Well done and thank you for sharing your story.I’m just at the start of my journey. I have been with my narc partner on and off for over 7.5 years. I am so addicted to him. I was taught to love people and find rejecting people impossible. Codependency I guess. I told him to leave only 2 days ago but miss him so much it hurts. I keep reading your messages Mel to help me think differently, but the positive thoughts about him just flood out the negatives. I feel like I’ve lost my mind.

    1. Hi Frances,

      It truly is about finding the painful and faulty beliefs that keep us hooked to abuse, and then doing the deep clearing out of those. That is what makes an incredible difference to those emotional pulls.

      When you change ‘what it is’ that keeps you attached, you won’t have that co-dependent trait of trying to source survival, love, approval and connection from the outside.

      That makes it so much easier to stay away and walk forward.

      It can be very hard with just ‘information’ to make such a shift. My highest suggestion for you is NARP.

      Once you start doing the real work, you will start coming out the other side.

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Frances,
      Thank you for your kind words!
      I have to agree with Melanie that while telling him to leave is a positive first step, if you don’t start doing the inner healing it is very likely you will take him back soon and the cycle will keep repeating.
      Im not going to lie about how hard it is, ITS HARD! the Narp program has worked for so many and while it is hard you can get instant relief, you wont be instantly better but you will feel the benefit of choice. The choice to start living again! Good luck! xx

  2. I’m thankful for this story. I also have been struggling with health problems resulting from emotional abuse and being bullied since childhood. The toll it has taken on my body just to survive is incredible. Working with a holistic practitioner is key to really healing mind and body. Although I continue to have symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome I am hopeful in finding treatment that works. Here in the US it is just beginning to become more availabke as an option. The emotions and the body are so intertwined, I have no doubt that feeling bad can directly impact negative thoughts. I believe taking care of mind body and spirit is essential on the road to recovery and am grateful there are others who share my view and continue on this journey with courage and hope.

  3. Oh my gosh. Thank you for this. I am almost at one year No Contact, but my stomach pain, reflux, chest pain, etc have been almost unbearable at times. They keep me from getting sleep and then I wake up a zillion times a night (it seems). And the brain fog and memory lapses and panic attacks from the PTSD (and “agoraphobia-like” symptoms) interfere with the beautiful healing that NARP is bringing. On the bright side, NARP and codependency work have shifted life quite a bit. And now, your story will also help. Thank you. Thank you. And so glad you are healing too.

    1. Hi Melissa,

      I think it is wonderful that this Thriver Show can give you so much hope and support to supplement the inner work, and REALLY pull your body through.

      My incredible breakthroughs this time were SO assisted by great health practices.

      Yes – it is all VERY connected.

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Melissa,
      I’m stoked that my story gave you hope! Please try and find a integrated medicine professional near you, truly you won’t be sorry! The symptoms you describe sound so similar to mine. Take note of Fibromyalgia and Pyroluria as the symptoms are similar to chronic fatigue. I wish you all the best in your journey and if you have any questions I will get back to as soon as I can. xx

  4. I know what it feels like to be the fault of everything bad on this world. I couldn’t say, think or do anything right. I thought I was a total looser and didn’t care if I lived or died.

    One day I was in “trouble” again, this time the narc made an appointment with our minister. Entering his office he asked my narc to offer a prayer and she started arguing with the minister.

    That was my light bulb moment. AhHA! I’m not the problem. I gradually (several years) got up the strength to not allow her to control me anymore. When she could no longer control me, she got rid of me.

    1. Hi Stephen,
      I believe that by refusing to play their games it is we who take back control of our lives. It doesn’t matter who does the leaving, all that matters is that you had the self love to want better for yourself!

  5. Hi Abbe. Nice to hear your voice. Its great to hear your inspiring story. Good luck to you in the future. Thanks for the tip!

    Jane

  6. Hi Abbe, your story is familiar, I have had health problems most of my adult life,M.E fibromyalgia, immune problems etc.some o which were due to the chronic distress of N abuse & the unrecognised & unresolved PTSD from my early life. I was traumatised & emotionally abused & neglected in childhood, & went on to have 2 long term relationships with very narcissistic men, both of whom devalued & discarded me, when I started to work towards reclaiming my independence. I promised myself that if I had an improvement in my finances that I would do the NARP program & the healings to help me to complete my recovery. Today’s the day Love Jyoti xxx

    1. Hi Jyoti!
      Wow you just made my heart sing!
      Congratulations on taking on your journey to health and happiness! I said to Melanie if my story inspires or helps just one person I will be thrilled! Thanks for sharing xxx

  7. I have received your e-mails and newsletters for about 6 months now. I have so much to say, but very little time to say it. I was talking to a friend of mine a little over 6 months ago about a relationship that I am currently in and have been in for well over 5 years now. My friend mentioned the word “narcissist” and asked if I knew what that meant. I thought I did! Boy, was I wrong. After searching on line for hours and hours and reading so much about narcissistic abuse, I found your website and subscribed to your newsletters. Your e-mails and articles have helped me realize I am not the crazy one in this relationship and I am not the only one out there stuck in a unhealthy situation. I go to counseling every two weeks, but right now that does not seem to help. I have tried 100’s of times over the past 5 years to break off this relationship. He fits the narcissist profile 100%!!! He has his ways of coming back into my life. At one point in time he even said he had prostate cancer and was having treatments. To this day, I’m still not so sure that was true. He lies about everything, yet I try to believe his stories. When we go long periods of time with no contact, I feel like I am going to die. I feel sick, worthless, and depressed when he is not in my life. The longest I have been able to go without any contact with him has been maybe 4 months. Then an e-mail or a text will come my way and I’m right back where I started. He knows how to hook me back in. I have tried and tried to tell myself that this is not healthy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and grandmother. To this day I still deal with the two of them. So of course, what am I attracted to? A narcissist! After reading newsletters and articles by you, Melanie, I have realized that my health has gone downhill over the past 5 years, ever since I got into this relationship with a narcissist. My blood pressure has skyrocketed. I was actually hospitalized for high blood pressure. I have had surgery on my stomach for many different things; diverticulitis at least 5-maybe 6 times, and so much more. I carry all my worry in my stomach. I have been like this ever since I was a child. I have been classified as empathetic and I take on the pain of others. My family (mother & grandmother) know this about me as well as my narcissist relationship, and they all take full advantage of me and my feelings. I need help! There are times that I feel I need to be locked up in a mental hospital. But, I try to keep positive and your stories have helped me so much. I have a hard time with the no contact. I’m just not there yet. I think what you do is amazing and reading stories like this, it gives me hope that I too can get away eventually!

    1. Hi Penny,

      It is wonderful that you realise some really key things.

      The first powerful realisation is that there are things that you have needed to emotionally heal since you were very young – because the same can be said for all of us – and THAT is vital if we wish to break through into Who We Really Are (our highest potential).

      Now the choice is “What am I going to do?”

      If I was in your position (and I was) I would be sourcing and doing everything I know would give me a chance, because the pain of emotional depression LET ALONE physical conditions that have manifested from trapped painful emotions that are not yet healed – is NOT living.

      What is so powerful about this community is there are hundreds of real life examples – through posts you will have read, Thriver Shows and testimonies which let you know that NO MATTER how broken you feel there are methods and process and ways to get better.

      I will never forget Galeet as an example (Thriver Number 1), who I am having the most incredible connection here now with in LA.

      Galeet was ‘dead’ when I met her, except she still had a pulse, and had tried EVERYTHING to get well. I had never (at that time) seen someone sooo brokenfrom narc abuse.

      After NARP and dedicating to self-care she recovered, not just as a survivor but as one of the most joyful, happy, inspiring, light-filled people you could EVER imagine.

      None of that was ‘coincidence’…

      We need to ask ourselves “Have I had enough of the pain yet?”

      I know back in the day when I was searching and creating solutions (there weren’t any yet), I would have crawled 2 miles on broken glass to get to the answer…(and I probably did)…

      The great thing about this community is when you do commit to working on yourself there is oodles of love, connection, resources, other people and sooo much support to help you heal…

      This really is NOT about trying to stay positive – it is about FULLY committing to taking a stand for yourself.

      Only YOU can help you – then all the resources and people can assist that.

      Mel xo

  8. Thank you for sharing! Would really appreciate details about your holistic practitioner, like to consult her. Too much going on at my end –critical—that I want all the help that I can get. Thank you.

  9. Thank you Abbe for sharing your important story. I am grateful to you. I can relate. This is a very important component, the body, and how trauma gets stored in the body and must be released to heal. I have many somatic shudder releases daily, as I go in to the pain. I have been having them for months. It’s amazing how the body can release when I allow it to! I also have been going deep in to why I took the blame, and my own twisted self importance needs, that hooked me in a codependent way, through thinking his behavior was about me. I believed him when he blamed me because I had lost my own connection to self, which lead to self doubt and more of the same. This has been a big hook. I also have been looking at my own expectations, pride, perfectionism….I tried to be perfect for this man…why did this even appeal to me? There were many reasons. It started with not wanting to break up my family. My ideals have needed to be worked through and the fantasies of the ideal are dropping. It is so painful coming in to reality, my God! What is an encouragement is knowing that my ability to confront and work through my issues, and to take full responsibility for my life, separates me from NPD. I am gaining greater identity strength which is helping me confront the brainwashing, and beliefs that were more about others than they were about me. That I thought it was about me, is MY issue. This separation process is like a continental drift. It is slow and thorough, and monumental. I am replacing the victim with the survivor, which is much more empowering. I love it that I can share these thoughts here….thank you always!

  10. Thank you for your story Abbe…and Mel thank God for finding you. I divorced almost 3 years ago after a 25 year marriage to a man that did nothing but lie. I have been zero contact for 9 months. I have 3 children with him but I am working on my codependency issues and realize that my children are on their on journey and need to figure out things for themselves. I am a 13 year breast cancer survivor and after working the NARP program I firmly believe that some of my disease was caused by a tremendous amount of stress in my marriage, but at the time my kids were little and I just couldn’t put a name on it. Such a controlling, sociopathic, passive aggressive bully. Getting healthier every day on my own. Love to all the wonderful woman and all who have shared their struggles. Together we will not only survive we will thrive. I wish us all happiness and great health. XO

    1. Hi JM,

      you are so welcome 🙂

      I love that you are doing such powerful self-reflection and self-work, and are finding the keys that need to be turned to release you.

      Absolutely that is the path to thriving, and so gorgeous you are on that trajectory.

      Thank you for sharing 🙂

      Mel xo

  11. There is a lot in your story that reminds me of my own, especially the part about being blamed for everything. He would often attempt to turn things around ( there is no reason for me to be upset, I misunderstood, I’m over reacting, etc.). I have often felt that my physical ailments are a result of Narcissistic Abuse.

  12. Hi Everyone!
    I’m sorry I haven’t replied to all comments but I will over the next day or 2.
    I have my first mentoring appt with my new mentee today so my head is elsewhere. Thank you all for contributing! xx

  13. Hi Mel and Abbe
    Thank you for such an inspiring show and article.
    Abbe, I can so relate to many aspects of the story. Congratulations on your healing, I wish you to go from strength to strength.
    To Mel, your articles always come when needed. I was just starting to talk about and ponder over this topic since a few days ago.
    I fully believe that the emotional manifests itself in the physical and that goes for the good and the bad feelings. So we really have to work on replacing those negative emotions in our lives with positive emotions.
    I have also realized today, it was just a feeling that came over me, that those exercises of blessing and accepting the feeling and ascertaining where the hurt part is in the emotional body, is normally where the cancer or ailment or disease will strike because that is where the negative energy clogs up. No wonder there are people who work on forgiveness and gratitude exercises and processes and then in the process, release those wounds emotionally which results in the physical ailment going away too. After all, that was just a physical manifestation of what was going on inside.

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