Welcome to the Narcissism and Relationships Blog

The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.

Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's seat to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.

You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have been previously eluded you.

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Recent Posts...

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 24th, 2014
Parents Empowering Themselves For Their Children's Sake Part 2

  Last week I wrote what I believe is my most important article ever. That article – Part 1 – was inspired as a result of the difference I see constantly between the Thriver orientation, which occurs when we take the personal responsibility on to heal our own wounds, and the rampant victimsation model which is predominant in most narcissistic / sociopathic abuse communities. Absolutely, I validate the pain of narcissistic abuse for people, especially when children are involved – and I know from personal experience, as well as having been connected with thousands of people going through this anguish how tough it is. I also know that the continual focus on the narcissist, and what he or she is doing, creates total powerlessness and only feeds the narcissist, disables any effectiveness to get well, and is poisoning and traumatising our children – as well as doing NOTHING AT ALL to stop the cycles of abuse and abused being passed on from generation to generation. I am passionate about the messages of this article series, because I firmly know there is another way, there IS a way to not only empower ourselves and come through the narcissistic experience as wiser, … read more

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 16th, 2014
Parents empowering themselves for their children’s sake

  This article, and its accompanying radio show, is without exception the most important one, to date, that I have ever written. After reading this article, I am appealing to you to PASS IT ON, and share as widely as you can. This article is a two part series which is a passionate project that I believe is so necessary to break the cycles of abused and abuse. It is to do with our children, and how we can help them not live the lives of suffering, abuse and unconsciousness that we have, and how we can stop these cycles being passed on from generation to generation. This article is vital for you if you are a parent. The information in this article is essential for every parent, especially those who have been involved in abuse. Most of us did not come from conscious parenting. Our own parents did not come from conscious parenting, or their parents before them. The truth is most of humankind has been unconscious. Meaning not being authentically happy and whole, or at peace emotionally. Peace has been conditional – dependent upon outside conditions rather than being an authentic established inner state. Families have been modelled … read more

Mankind’s Movement To Evolve From Narcissism

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 10th, 2014
Far galaxy

This article is about a very big topic, and one I believe it’s the perfect time to talk about. Lots of people are wondering what is going on. Why are so many people going through hard times? What has this got to do with abuse? And what has it got to do with victims of abuse? I believe lots, and that’s something I want to talk about in this article, including information about what I believe is really going on. Many people are sensing things are different now. Things feel different, and precarious and even frightening. I know a lot of people are faced with their greatest fears and insecurities, and suffering greater emotional battles than they can previously remember. It’s like everyone’s stuff is coming up for them. Everyone I talk to has stories of how their life has recently gone through drastic changes, or they know of many people whose worlds have recently been turned upside down. Many people’s relationships are splitting up, including the relationships we may have thought were stable and ‘tight’. Additionally, many people’s businesses are failing, or they have suffered retrenchment. Many people have lost the possessions that were dear to them. I also … read more

Heartbreak And The Narcissist

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 3rd, 2014
How To Open Your Heart After Narcissistic Abuse

This is a topic I have never written specifically about.Most definitely we know that breakups and breakdowns with narcissists hurt our hearts profoundly.When we understand so much more about our own evolution, and the transformational process of growing and healing, we can start to know that the journey of life is primarily through our heart.At first, opening our heart can feel terrifying. We feel unsafe and vulnerable, and the thought of being hurt again can bring up an enormous amount of pain.However, something I’ve realised in my own recovery is this - learning to open my heart again has been vital to being the person I want to be and building the life I want to live.In this article I explore why it’s important to open our heart. I also cover what needs to be done before we decide to open our heart, and how to start opening your heart safely and authentically.   What is the Truth About Our Heart? There is a saying, which once upon a time, I really couldn’t understand. Since being orientated in Thriver Recovery it now resonates with me powerfully. It goes like this, “When our heart is smashed open it is able to hold more love”. In my own case, as well as so many others, I really do believe this … read more

Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #16 Suzanne

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on June 26th, 2014
Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #16 Suzanne

  It is a real delight to share Suzanne’s story with you. Her story is truly inspirational, because in Suzanne’s own words, “I could have become anything. I could have ended up on the streets, or an alcoholic – but I didn’t.” Suzanne’s story starts with the details of her childhood – her very painful beginning in life, and how she was emotionally numb, and merely existing. It wasn’t until later in life, that all the emotions that Suzanne had buried deep inside her, in order to cope, fully erupted. Suzanne had been severely depressed all of her life. It wasn’t until after her first narcissistic experience that finally she got the help she needed. This story is the courage of a single mother who was hospitalised for six years, and during this time how she finally felt all the grief and the pain that had been deeply buried within her all of her life. This however was not the finish of her transformation journey. The second narcissist, many years later, presented… And before she knew it Suzanne was swept into a crazy, devastating, exciting whirlwind. One so painful, that she thought she was going to die… Which then led to her becoming … read more

What Is Narcissistic Supply?

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on June 20th, 2014
Narcissistic-Supply-small

  We hear these words ‘narcissistic supply’ a lot, and we may have even realised that narcissists need it and orientate their life around it. But what does it really mean? The truth is quite chilling and it’s essential to understand. Narcissistic supply is a drug – it’s provides an emotional life force for the narcissist. Like all drugs, ‘narcissistic supply’ is chased for pain relief. Like all addictions it’s the relief from pain that is addictive. Addictions are a short term answer to being able to relieve oneself from emotional or physical pain. The truth is emotional pain is often the most horrendous of all pains. Emotional pain is felt somatically in the body – and is usually more painful than physical pain, due to the self-annihilating beliefs about oneself that accompany it. I discussed this in my article: How to Deal With Your Emotional Pain: The Right Way In Order To Grow and Expand Traditionally, all addictions are to escape emotional pain and the horrendous accompanying self-definitions of, “I am worthless, defective and no good.” Any energy that is sought from the outside to escape the fear of ‘self’ is unwholesome, and generates more pain. Such is the truth … read more

I Take My Power Back From You – A Poem by Me

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on June 12th, 2014
I Take My Power Back From You

  Poetry certainly isn’t my normal thing, but this just came to me the other night while I was in bed. The urge was so strong to write, I just had to turn on the light, pull out a pen and the words flowed out in minutes! I know I was taking dictation from a much Higher Source than myself… This came at the perfect time – because I’ve been very busy preparing for the first Webinar this week, so I thought instead of writing an article I would share this poem with you… I hope you enjoy   I Take Back My Power From You At first agonisingly, but it take it back all the same I have know for some time you are not the healer of my wounds but the messenger instead Your terminal unconsciousness was sufficient To activate my own Because of you I was cracked open My wounds rushed to the surface and spewed out of me Then I opened as a huge gaping hole And was filled with Light I take back my power from you I have woken up from my trance I now know truths I never knew before A power I could barely … read more

How to Deal With Your Emotional Pain The Right Way In Order To Grow and Expand

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on June 6th, 2014
How-We-Identify-With-Pain-small

  This article is very important, and it is about some profound realisations, as a result of my healing journey. Primarily this article is about how intense our emotional pain is, how it feels like is taking us out, and how to deal with that. We all know  emotional pain can feel all-consuming, and be very hard to handle. Hence why we have tried so hard to run away from our pain,  because we feel like it will eat us alive if we collapse into it. The fascinating thing is: intense emotional pain can feel so much worse than intense physical pain. We may have felt, in the midst of emotional pain, that we would rather be hit with a baseball bat then suffer the anguish. It has often been talked about in abuse forums, as well as stated by therapists, that the scars of physical abuse are generally easier to resolve than those of mental and emotional abuse. I can vouch from personal experience this is very true. The memories of being hit and physically threatened were nowhere near as painful as emotional abuse, and nowhere near as reoccurring. Why is this? Why do we tend to get so enmeshed in our emotional … read more

How To Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on May 30th, 2014
Coming of QFH

Last week I announced that I would be hosting a free live event on my website, so that you can experience Quanta Freedom Healing firsthand, and learn exactly how to become a Thriver after narcissistic abuse. The response on the blog was amazing, and I’m so glad so many of you are excited to be a part of this free live event. The event will take place on Friday June the 13th at 12pm Australian EST. Please note there is only a certain number of people I can have in the Webinar. So if you would like to get in early and make sure you secure your space – you can do so here. This event is specifically for people who haven’t tried Quanta Freedom Healing, and who are not a NARP Member, so please leave it open for those people who need this Webinar the most. Since Quanta Freedom Healing’s birth in Koh Sumui in 2007, working with it to create my own recovery, and sharing it with others, its effects and benefits have spread world-wide to over 50 different countries and to thousands of men and women from all walks of life. I know many of you in this Community, … read more

How To Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on May 22nd, 2014
How To Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

  I can say without doubt in my own recovery, and through helping thousands of other people recover, that narcissistic abuse has been reported to me over and over again as the most difficult thing you can possibly go through. If you are just beginning your recovery, or if you are struggling with the ongoing agony of abuse, you may be feeling many painful emotions including the helplessness of feeling unresolved, stuck, and obsessed about what happened. You may still be hooked and terrified about letting go, trying every which way you can to fix the relationship and make it work, regardless of the damage that is increasing and intensifying. You may feel like its too late, you’ve lost too much, you’re too old, or you’re in no state to rebuild your life. Maybe you have got out and stayed out of the relationship, but you have no idea how you could ever trust another person again – and you may be terrified about trusting your own judgment even more so. You may have tried therapy and extensive research about narcissism – what they do and why they do it, and learnt all you can about the effects of narcissistic … read more