The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.
Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.
You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have been previously eluded you.
One thing is certain with narcissists, when you separate with them, and still have legal, property or custody to sort out… They will pathologically lie. As such, you can expect fabricated stories, twisted facts and downright dirty tactics. The narcissist is very capable of telling solicitors, police and courthouses exactly whatever lies he or she wants to, in order to try to punish you, get the upper hand and win, project blame, create smear campaigns, play the victim as if he or she has been vilified (especially when things aren’t going well for him or her), and of course disregard any personal accountability for his or her unacceptable behaviour. When you see the blatant lies unravel under your nose, you will initially be shocked. People that enter into relationships with personality disordered Individuals usually have a high level of integrity, and as such you may feel incredible shattered when you think How on earth could I have ever been in a relationship with this person? Your anguish is: How on earth does someone behave like THAT? Especially someone I was having a LOVE relationship with? Your whole sense of moving on, and forward may be pulled into the narcissistic muck … read more →
Getting Love Right – Empathetic Listening In this podcast I talk about empathetic listening. What it is, how it can work and how it can be used to enrich your vital relationships, as well as your relationship with all of life. So then, what is empathetic listening? In short, it is the ability to allow another person to feel safe and heard, whilst being able to put your own triggers, agenda and pain to one side. It is the ability to seek to understand another, create connection, and promote a safe, connected forum in order to be understood. We have all experienced conversations with people we have just met, who are not great listeners. When we discuss aspects about our life, they interrupt us, ‘one-up’ us with information about themself, and as a result we certainly don’t feel validated or heard. And we certainly don’t feel connected to this person. We feel separated, and don’t wish to continue a relationship with them. Our vital relationships can and do benefit from empathetic listening. These vital relationships may be with our children, parents, family, friends, co-workers, employer and ultimately our intimate love relationship. It is within our love relationships that our … read more →
So many people ask me after leaving the narcissist and beginning No Contact, “When is the pain going to end?” This is a universal question, and one that defies all logic. You see, it isn’t normal. If it were normal, after escaping horrific abuse, you would feel relief. But nothing could be further from the truth. There are so many addictive aspects of being tied up in narcissistic abuse, which you can read about in my article Trauma Bonding – Is it Love or Something Else? By reading this article you will realise that your body has to literally detoxify the addiction to the narcissist, the pain, and the addiction in trying to receive normality from insanity. So back to the question “When is the pain going to stop?” The answer: The pain will ease when you start regaining yourself. Let me lay out for you in steps the way to do this. Step 1: Get Clear on What a Narcissist is. By doing so, you can start to realise that the person who was your partner is not a person who you can have a healthy love relationship with. At this point – this is going to be a mental decision, … read more →
Manifesting the Goals and Dreams You Desire Did you know the belief system you have about yourself self dictates your capacity to achieve your goals and dreams? Our inner belief about ourself creates our real life experiences, regardless of the direction our mind would like to take us. The problem is most of us have built up many negative beliefs about ourselves over the years, as a result of disappoinment, pain, fear and trauma. No matter what we try to create for ourselves mentally – such as gaining information from seminars, workshops, and getting therapy, if we hold onto a negative inner identity, it will keep proving itself to us in our everyday life, and we will keep experiencing limitations and less than experiences, and as a result will not achieve our goals. Take a car salesman for example. He inwardly believes he is capable of $700 of sales a week. This belief sets a limit on how much he can achieve. When he obtains his $700 limit he will sabotage himself from improving on what he believed he was capable of. Whatever you deeply believe about yourself is exactly what your life will be. If you try to … read more →
When you connected with your narcissist, did you feel like finally you had met true love? Was the connection so intense and powerful that you believed your love was truly meant to be for ever, regardless of the pain your experienced? I hear the same story time and time again, in fact nearly everyone who has joined the NARC Facebook page agrees that the relationship to the narcissist initially felt like the greatest love of their life. This article explains how this incredible connection occurs and why the bond of love feels so compelling… When we first became attached to the narcissist, we had the deep and powerful inner belief that this relationship was ‘the one’ – it felt so real and so true to us. It felt astoundingly ‘right’. We thought we had hit the jackpot. Over time the cracks started appearing, yet we still experienced the glorious times (even if they became less and less) of this ‘delightful person’ who we wanted to believe was the partner of our dreams. Of course we had to employ all sorts of psychological defences to protect this belief. We were all conditioned to believe that powerful and all consuming feelings, and … read more →
Do you struggle to put yourself first? Do you have trouble envisioning your success and survival without the support of someone else? Do you sometimes feel subconsciously that your goal in life is to procure a partner, regardless of the emotional cost, who will provide for you? Do you ever wonder why you believe this despite modern society providing ample opportunities for women to manifest their dreams? Logically we may think we can be powerful, yet on some deeper level, we feel the opposite. I see, all too often, the ‘curse’ of why it can be so hard for a woman to think straight, honour herself and make different choices and behaviours in order to create a happier and more empowered love life for herself. I’m not talking about the obvious reasons why she may have self-defeating patterns, such as: My mum put everyone’s needs before her own and believed that sustaining a marriage was the most important thing in her life. Childhood programming is really important, however usually there is deeper and more powerful stuff going on. These are the limiting beliefs we received before childhood – one’s which already existed in our DNA. Women have been evolving through … read more →
This week we are nearing Easter. For many of us this is a time spent with people close to us. These times are some of the most memorable of my life, many of them good but some of them were at the time, very unpleasant. As many of you may know, years ago I lived out a pattern of attracting abusive, non-supportive and unhealthy people into my life. When holiday events came around, spending time with them felt like walking on eggs shells. I was not operating in my true self, and I would do whatever I could to try and win their approval… this was exhausting! Now that I have healthy boundaries, and a firm grasp on my chosen and aligned reality, these people no longer exist in my life, and as I have for many Easters now, I will be spending this holiday with loving, supporting,authentic people. This is so much more fulfilling, and so less exhausting! I hope this year you are spending time with people who are healthy for you, and if you still have some damaged, abusive and negative people in your life, you will detach from their negativity, and / or do your best … read more →
It is incredibly common to feel immobilised, guttered and barely able to function in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. Especially when you have broken away, and are no longer tied up in the fight of survival. Every day normal tasks may seem beyond comprehension, let alone being able to do them. In fact many people can’t function, they may have to stop working, or may even succumb to being hospitalised. We all know that narcissistic abuse is awful and tough, but I also want you to consider another reason why when narcissistically abused we crumble into total powerlessness, as if we had been hit by a truck. The great thing about this reason is that it has nothing to do with the narcissist, meaning the necessary recognition and changes are totally something we can do something about. I have found a common thread to be consistent with most victims of narcissistic abuse, and that is we are the type of people that are used to giving out energy to everyone else but NOT to ourselves. This week I want to share a story with you about how I relapsed back into the behaviour of putting everything else before myself, 6 … read more →
Have you ever wondered why it is that you keep doing the things that you just don’t want to keep doing? Are you suffering from the frustration of trying to break free from your patterns that you know aren’t serving you? How many times do we pick up that cigarette after 4 days of not smoking, or eat that whole slice of chocolate cake, and then two more when we promised ourself that we would only take a slither? I know I have struggled with a number of addictions in my life; from alcohol, cigarettes and of course… relationships. I would continually repeat the behaviour that I knew was bad for me. And burn a lot of energy beating myself up in the process. That was until I realised that this behaviour was a merely a program playing out in a cycle to cover up my feelings of emptiness in regards to love, support and purpose. When I reprogrammed this cycle and started providing myself with love, support and purpose something powerful happened.. The addictions were gone! In this article I am going to show you how you can get rid of any addictions or self defeating behaviours that are … read more →
I get numerous emails every week asking this exact question. So many people ask – How can I be sure? I want you to be very clear on what I am about to state. It’s actually not important whether someone is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or whether they aren’t, or are displaying enough narcissistic traits to make your life painful or unbearable. What is important is that you are aligned with and living the life that you wish to live, and creating that truth by holding powerfully to that truth – no matter how hard that may be to do… Most people have some narcissistic traits and it is normal to have exhibited narcissistic behaviour at some point in their life. However the is a big difference between normal people who are capable of taking responsibility and being accountable for their behaviour and those with NPD who are unable of this. I am aware that this person at some point seemed like the love of your life and the temptation is to try and help this person change their narcissistic behaviour and recover. The problem is that some people take the N’s word immediately only to be set up for another … read more →
