Welcome to the Narcissism and Relationships Blog

The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.

Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's seat to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.

You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have been previously eluded you.

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Recent Posts...

10 Ways We Can Self-Avoid

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 27th, 2014
The 10 Ways We Self Avoid

When we are on a journey of healing and resurrection, the most important component is “self-partnering.” This is in dire contrast to “self-avoidance,” or what is also known as “self-abandonment.” Many of us had no idea we were “self-avoiding” because we just thought we were doing our best to get on with life. For many people life itself can be all-consuming. You may feel like it is a daily struggle to cope – or even just survive. For so many people, a need for self-partnering only happens when life brings us to our knees when we simply can’t continue on with “business as usual.” This generally happens as a result of challenges, adversity or even tragedy. This is the time when we reach the cross-road of evolution or dissolution. This is where we choose to transform ourselves from the inside out – or we miss the boat and just get progressively more unwell. Narcissistic abuse is undoubtedly one of the greatest wake-up calls to let us know that the trajectory and choices we were on aren’t working, and self-partnering is essential – and absolutely critical if we are going to heal our life. We may not have realised how “unconscious” … read more

The Effects Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 21st, 2014
The Effects Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder After Narcissistic Abuse

  Leading up to this week’s article – I had so much on…and the inspiration hadn’t struck me yet regarding what to write. I asked the Facebook Community for their thoughts, and before long there were many responses and replies. If you would like to join in on these discussions, you can join my Facebook page here.  The topics requested ranged from trusting your intuition, co-dependency, boundaries, recovery, narcissists in the workplace and more. There were also lots of people asking questions about the narcissist – why they do what they do, why they are still acting out, hoovering etc. and more. Reading these posts my stomach started to churn. Those old feelings I feel when I know people are struggling in powerlessness – when their energy is focused on the narcissist, and NOT their own healing and development. I totally emphasise, I understand it, I used to be there. I know what it is like to be helpless and feel powerless, and be stuck like a deer in the headlights thinking you have to learn all about your enemy in order to survive. I know how horrible that place is…because the issue is: when you ARE stuck in fear, pain, trauma … read more

The 50 Shades Of The Narcissist

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 14th, 2014
The 50 Shades Of The Narcissist

  A couple of weeks ago, a HUGE discussion broke out on my Facebook page about the book and upcoming movie Fifty Shades of Grey. I have never seen such a spirited and heated discussion on my page! It was clear to see from the posts on the thread that people were divided into two camps. One being adamant that the book was an account of a narcissist and a co-dependent caught up in web of unhealthy sex, obsession and abuse – which triggered them intensely, and the other camp were equally as convinced that the fantasy of the book was harmless, and they had experienced a great deal of healing and libration whilst reading the book. It was, all in all, a fantastic debate. If you are not on my Facebook page I’d love you to join in on these discussions. I also post daily inspirational quotes and exercises for your recovery and empowerment after narcissistic abuse. Here is a link to my Facebook Page. So today, I want to talk about sex and the narcissist. I put some posts up on Facebook about this upcoming article, and I received a great deal of responses and input from the Community … read more

First Ever Male Thriver Show!

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 6th, 2014
Male Thrivers

Today is a very exciting day because it is our first ever radio show in the Male Thriver Series. The community has been asking for Male Thrivers for some time, and as a result I sent out an email to male NARPers within the NARP Community to see if they would like to come forward to share their stories. Quite a few of the guys responded, and Scott was one of these men. In Scott’s interview he explains why many men don’t come forward for support or to share, and why so many of them do suffer in silence. Within this interview, Scott describes the details of his narcissistic abuse experience, how quickly the commitment and the pressure of the relationship formed, and how despite family problems he had to always focus on his partner – to his and his families detriment. After several years of abuse, Scott was simply trying to cope in survival mode. Finally, after a few attempts, Scott finally left the relationship. Scott’s story contains information about his inner healing journey with The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, co-parenting and a wonderful Modified Contact tool called Our Family Wizard.  It is wonderful that many men have been … read more

The 7 Steps To Your Personal Power

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 31st, 2014
The 7 Steps To Your Personal Power

  When we have been abused by a narcissistic / sociopath we absolutely know what it is like to feel stripped bare and powerless. Really, it would be fair to say, having experienced this level of abuse takes us into the darkest deepest depths of powerlessness. Recovery, at first, is about healing and breaking free from the feelings of extreme anxiety and depression – which are in effect symptoms of extreme powerlessness. Additionally, there are also often feelings of being trapped and having no way out. At first this is the feeling within the relationship, and then these feelings commonly continue even after the relationship has ended. During our times of extreme powerlessness, we often aren’t confronted with digging deep enough to really understand the beliefs that have made us ‘small’ and tending towards powerlessness. Like many people, I used to struggle with the words ‘Personal Power’. Firstly, being a woman didn’t help. The concept of ‘personal power’ seemed somehow wrong. It felt too masculine, and certainly not feminine or submissive enough. Like many of us (men as well as women), I had been more used to giving my power away to try to keep the peace and be safe … read more

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 24th, 2014
Parents Empowering Themselves For Their Children's Sake Part 2

  Last week I wrote what I believe is my most important article ever. That article – Part 1 – was inspired as a result of the difference I see constantly between the Thriver orientation, which occurs when we take the personal responsibility on to heal our own wounds, and the rampant victimsation model which is predominant in most narcissistic / sociopathic abuse communities. Absolutely, I validate the pain of narcissistic abuse for people, especially when children are involved – and I know from personal experience, as well as having been connected with thousands of people going through this anguish how tough it is. I also know that the continual focus on the narcissist, and what he or she is doing, creates total powerlessness and only feeds the narcissist, disables any effectiveness to get well, and is poisoning and traumatising our children – as well as doing NOTHING AT ALL to stop the cycles of abuse and abused being passed on from generation to generation. I am passionate about the messages of this article series, because I firmly know there is another way, there IS a way to not only empower ourselves and come through the narcissistic experience as wiser, … read more

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 16th, 2014
Parents empowering themselves for their children’s sake

  This article, and its accompanying radio show, is without exception the most important one, to date, that I have ever written. After reading this article, I am appealing to you to PASS IT ON, and share as widely as you can. This article is a two part series which is a passionate project that I believe is so necessary to break the cycles of abused and abuse. It is to do with our children, and how we can help them not live the lives of suffering, abuse and unconsciousness that we have, and how we can stop these cycles being passed on from generation to generation. This article is vital for you if you are a parent. The information in this article is essential for every parent, especially those who have been involved in abuse. Most of us did not come from conscious parenting. Our own parents did not come from conscious parenting, or their parents before them. The truth is most of humankind has been unconscious. Meaning not being authentically happy and whole, or at peace emotionally. Peace has been conditional – dependent upon outside conditions rather than being an authentic established inner state. Families have been modelled … read more

Mankind’s Movement To Evolve From Narcissism

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 10th, 2014
Far galaxy

This article is about a very big topic, and one I believe it’s the perfect time to talk about. Lots of people are wondering what is going on. Why are so many people going through hard times? What has this got to do with abuse? And what has it got to do with victims of abuse? I believe lots, and that’s something I want to talk about in this article, including information about what I believe is really going on. Many people are sensing things are different now. Things feel different, and precarious and even frightening. I know a lot of people are faced with their greatest fears and insecurities, and suffering greater emotional battles than they can previously remember. It’s like everyone’s stuff is coming up for them. Everyone I talk to has stories of how their life has recently gone through drastic changes, or they know of many people whose worlds have recently been turned upside down. Many people’s relationships are splitting up, including the relationships we may have thought were stable and ‘tight’. Additionally, many people’s businesses are failing, or they have suffered retrenchment. Many people have lost the possessions that were dear to them. I also … read more

Heartbreak And The Narcissist

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 3rd, 2014
How To Open Your Heart After Narcissistic Abuse

This is a topic I have never written specifically about.Most definitely we know that breakups and breakdowns with narcissists hurt our hearts profoundly.When we understand so much more about our own evolution, and the transformational process of growing and healing, we can start to know that the journey of life is primarily through our heart.At first, opening our heart can feel terrifying. We feel unsafe and vulnerable, and the thought of being hurt again can bring up an enormous amount of pain.However, something I’ve realised in my own recovery is this - learning to open my heart again has been vital to being the person I want to be and building the life I want to live.In this article I explore why it’s important to open our heart. I also cover what needs to be done before we decide to open our heart, and how to start opening your heart safely and authentically.   What is the Truth About Our Heart? There is a saying, which once upon a time, I really couldn’t understand. Since being orientated in Thriver Recovery it now resonates with me powerfully. It goes like this, “When our heart is smashed open it is able to hold more love”. In my own case, as well as so many others, I really do believe this … read more

Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #16 Suzanne

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on June 26th, 2014
Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #16 Suzanne

  It is a real delight to share Suzanne’s story with you. Her story is truly inspirational, because in Suzanne’s own words, “I could have become anything. I could have ended up on the streets, or an alcoholic – but I didn’t.” Suzanne’s story starts with the details of her childhood – her very painful beginning in life, and how she was emotionally numb, and merely existing. It wasn’t until later in life, that all the emotions that Suzanne had buried deep inside her, in order to cope, fully erupted. Suzanne had been severely depressed all of her life. It wasn’t until after her first narcissistic experience that finally she got the help she needed. This story is the courage of a single mother who was hospitalised for six years, and during this time how she finally felt all the grief and the pain that had been deeply buried within her all of her life. This however was not the finish of her transformation journey. The second narcissist, many years later, presented… And before she knew it Suzanne was swept into a crazy, devastating, exciting whirlwind. One so painful, that she thought she was going to die… Which then led to her becoming … read more