Welcome to the Narcissism and Relationships Blog

The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.

Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's seat to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.

You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have been previously eluded you.

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Recent Posts...

Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #18 Marla

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on September 25th, 2014
Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

This Thriver story is one that I believe many people will be able to relate to.Beliefs can be powerful. Doing the right thing can be what we are “trained” to do. Many people believed “marriage is for life” … but when we believe that we are supposed to suffer in silence, put on a face to the world, and continue to just “carry one” with our families, our community,  or our church, is this healthy?Does God really want us to stick it out? Or do we have permission to change our lives dramatically – such as leave a spouse – in order to be happy?During this interview I have these conversations with Marla, who realised not long after saying “I do” that he changed. Things weren’t the same, and he wasn’t the same man she thought she had married.As time went on things got worse …After 20 years and needing to leave Marla discovered two shocking facts, ones that you will discover when you listen. One which meant she would have to completely start all over again. The second discovery was one that most people never have to face.You will also learn about Marla’s personal journey of acceptance and recovery – and how as a result of working on herself, … read more

An Interview With Eric Casaccio – The Creator Of The Movie “Narcissist”

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on September 18th, 2014

This show is a very special interview with my dear friend Eric Casaccio – who is the writer, director and co-producer of the short film – “Narcissist”. Eric and I had the wonderful opportunity to meet in person in LA in February of this year, and I have been watching how so much has happened for Eric since this time! It’s sooo exciting! What is so wonderful is Eric’s passion with this movie came straight from his heart and from his own personal experience. Eric’s message is raising awareness regarding narcissism on a very large scale. The world is definitely ready for this much needed message! This powerful short movie “Narcissist” is making some pretty big waves. So far it has been accepted into many film festivals and won a total of 8 special awards. In this very special interview, Eric and I talk about the film, the purpose of it, Eric’s experience whilst making it, his cathartic healing journey … as well as many aspects of narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery. You can watch the preview of the movie here: NARCISSIST PREVIEW TRAILER  If you wish to know more details about Eric’s movie, and where he will be screening and attending next, here … read more

Hoovering – How The Narcissist Tricks You Into Breaking No Contact

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on September 11th, 2014

  “Hoovering” is the term used to describe a narcissist trying to re-connect with you after a time of separation. Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist. The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life. If you are the one trying to contact and make-up, it is more likely that the narcissist will devalue and discard you. If this is not the case, it is because the narcissist still wants something from you – possessions, money, status, contacts or sex because other sources are momentarily low. Many people over the years have stated about the narcissists in their life, “Why doesn’t he or she leave me alone?” and “When does it stop?” Then of course, many people have been incessantly checking their emails, phones and answering machines hoping and praying that the narcissist will contact them. It is very usual in the relationship with a narcissist to expect, fear and dread hoovering, and then, at times, feel like you won’t survive if you don’t receive it. Such is the incredible brain-fry when you are stuck in the throes … read more

Healing Our Children By Proxy – Father’s Day Special

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on September 4th, 2014
Healing Our Children By Proxy

Click the play button below to listen: http://www.mediafire.com/download/5mr13rl59rht4e6/Ian_and_Michael_2.mp3 Or download the show here. I have a really special Father’s Show for you … and within this show I am interviewing a wonderful father. It isn’t Father’s Day in other parts of the world, but this Sunday in Australia it is. This show is about “Healing Our Children By Proxy”, and I am going to share with you an incredible healing process which can effectively help our children. As a parent, we know we would do anything for our children – many of us would even die for our children. We would do anything for them to be healthy and well. Yet, we know how hard it can be to help our children, because they don’t listen; in fact they often do the exact opposite of what we would like them to do. And no matter how much we try to lecture and prescribe, they usually push back and resist all of our attempts to intervene. This is why “healing by proxy” is so effective – because it doesn’t require our children’s physical involvement at all. In this show I first talk about how I was able to help turn my son’s life … read more

10 Ways We Can Self-Avoid

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 27th, 2014
The 10 Ways We Self Avoid

When we are on a journey of healing and resurrection, the most important component is “self-partnering.” This is in dire contrast to “self-avoidance,” or what is also known as “self-abandonment.” Many of us had no idea we were “self-avoiding” because we just thought we were doing our best to get on with life. For many people life itself can be all-consuming. You may feel like it is a daily struggle to cope – or even just survive. For so many people, a need for self-partnering only happens when life brings us to our knees when we simply can’t continue on with “business as usual.” This generally happens as a result of challenges, adversity or even tragedy. This is the time when we reach the cross-road of evolution or dissolution. This is where we choose to transform ourselves from the inside out – or we miss the boat and just get progressively more unwell. Narcissistic abuse is undoubtedly one of the greatest wake-up calls to let us know that the trajectory and choices we were on aren’t working, and self-partnering is essential – and absolutely critical if we are going to heal our life. We may not have realised how “unconscious” … read more

The Effects Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 21st, 2014
The Effects Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder After Narcissistic Abuse

  Leading up to this week’s article – I had so much on…and the inspiration hadn’t struck me yet regarding what to write. I asked the Facebook Community for their thoughts, and before long there were many responses and replies. If you would like to join in on these discussions, you can join my Facebook page here.  The topics requested ranged from trusting your intuition, co-dependency, boundaries, recovery, narcissists in the workplace and more. There were also lots of people asking questions about the narcissist – why they do what they do, why they are still acting out, hoovering etc. and more. Reading these posts, my stomach started to churn. Those old feelings I feel when I know people are struggling in powerlessness – when their energy is focused on the narcissist, and NOT their own healing and development. I totally emphasise, I understand it, I used to be there. I know what it is like to be helpless and feel powerless, and be stuck like a deer in the headlights thinking you have to learn all about your enemy in order to survive. I know how horrible that place is … because the issue is: when you ARE stuck in fear, … read more

The 50 Shades Of The Narcissist

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 14th, 2014
The 50 Shades Of The Narcissist

  A couple of weeks ago, a HUGE discussion broke out on my Facebook page about the book and upcoming movie Fifty Shades of Grey. I have never seen such a spirited and heated discussion on my page! It was clear to see from the posts on the thread that people were divided into two camps. One being adamant that the book was an account of a narcissist and a co-dependent caught up in web of unhealthy sex, obsession and abuse – which triggered them intensely, and the other camp were equally as convinced that the fantasy of the book was harmless, and they had experienced a great deal of healing and libration whilst reading the book. It was, all in all, a fantastic debate. If you are not on my Facebook page I’d love you to join in on these discussions. I also post daily inspirational quotes and exercises for your recovery and empowerment after narcissistic abuse. Here is a link to my Facebook Page. So today, I want to talk about sex and the narcissist. I put some posts up on Facebook about this upcoming article, and I received a great deal of responses and input from the Community … read more

First Ever Male Thriver Show!

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on August 6th, 2014
Male Thrivers

Today is a very exciting day because it is our first ever radio show in the Male Thriver Series. The community has been asking for Male Thrivers for some time, and as a result I sent out an email to male NARPers within the NARP Community to see if they would like to come forward to share their stories. Quite a few of the guys responded, and Scott was one of these men. In Scott’s interview he explains why many men don’t come forward for support or to share, and why so many of them do suffer in silence. Within this interview, Scott describes the details of his narcissistic abuse experience, how quickly the commitment and the pressure of the relationship formed, and how despite family problems he had to always focus on his partner – to his and his families detriment. After several years of abuse, Scott was simply trying to cope in survival mode. Finally, after a few attempts, Scott finally left the relationship. Scott’s story contains information about his inner healing journey with The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, co-parenting and a wonderful Modified Contact tool called Our Family Wizard.  It is wonderful that many men have been … read more

The 7 Steps To Your Personal Power

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 31st, 2014
The 7 Steps To Your Personal Power

  When we have been abused by a narcissistic / sociopath we absolutely know what it is like to feel stripped bare and powerless. Really, it would be fair to say, having experienced this level of abuse takes us into the darkest deepest depths of powerlessness. Recovery, at first, is about healing and breaking free from the feelings of extreme anxiety and depression – which are in effect symptoms of extreme powerlessness. Additionally, there are also often feelings of being trapped and having no way out. At first this is the feeling within the relationship, and then these feelings commonly continue even after the relationship has ended. During our times of extreme powerlessness, we often aren’t confronted with digging deep enough to really understand the beliefs that have made us ‘small’ and tending towards powerlessness. Like many people, I used to struggle with the words ‘Personal Power’. Firstly, being a woman didn’t help. The concept of ‘personal power’ seemed somehow wrong. It felt too masculine, and certainly not feminine or submissive enough. Like many of us (men as well as women), I had been more used to giving my power away to try to keep the peace and be safe … read more

Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans on July 24th, 2014
Parents Empowering Themselves For Their Children's Sake Part 2

  Last week I wrote what I believe is my most important article ever. That article – Part 1 – was inspired as a result of the difference I see constantly between the Thriver orientation, which occurs when we take the personal responsibility on to heal our own wounds, and the rampant victimsation model which is predominant in most narcissistic / sociopathic abuse communities. Absolutely, I validate the pain of narcissistic abuse for people, especially when children are involved – and I know from personal experience, as well as having been connected with thousands of people going through this anguish how tough it is. I also know that the continual focus on the narcissist, and what he or she is doing, creates total powerlessness and only feeds the narcissist, disables any effectiveness to get well, and is poisoning and traumatising our children – as well as doing NOTHING AT ALL to stop the cycles of abuse and abused being passed on from generation to generation. I am passionate about the messages of this article series, because I firmly know there is another way, there IS a way to not only empower ourselves and come through the narcissistic experience as wiser, … read more