Melanie Tonia Evans

Welcome to the Narcissism and Relationships Blog

The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.

Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's seat to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.

You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have previously eluded you.

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Are You Addicted To Self-Help?

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  A dear friend of mine Marie, an active contributor in this Community, wrote to me a couple of weeks ago regarding one of my latest ThriverTv episodes. Even though her message started off as humorous … it really got me thinking. This is what she wrote: “OMG Mel - How ice cream doesn't go on top of poop!!! Thank you for this video on self-partnering. Amazing that we can become addicted to new, but really the same, external focus, even though it falls under a new category called "self-care". We easily slide into this trap by seeking comfort outside of self with all these ... read more →

How To Break Free From Terror And Gain Peace In Your Life

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  It can be very difficult to get our head around the level of healing that we can create for ourselves now … One where suffering no longer needs to be the only option. My definition of suffering is this: we are trying to survive despite our trauma, despite our history and despite our losses. When we are locked onto that trajectory, life and living can feel like an enormous challenge – everyday tasks such as going to work, making appointments, meeting with people or planning out your day can send you into anxiety. And when something goes wrong, or you are faced with a challenge, you ... read more →

Does The Thriver Model Place The Blame On The Victim?

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  Is the Thriver Model of taking 100% personal radical responsibility one of “victim blaming?” Occasionally people tell us it is … And there are times when I have received some very angry messages from people who are infuriated by the idea that we have to take any responsibility for the abuse we suffered. I felt that it was time to write an article about this, and deeply look into it, and also to invite a discussion here after this is written. My dear friend, Simone Waddell, and myself had a fascinating discussion about this in Japan. Exactly about this topic … regarding people who feel it is ... read more →

Overcoming Abuse When It’s All You’ve Ever Known – Thriver Show #31

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This week’s Empowered Love Radio Show is an interview with Sylvia, a regular and wonderful contributor to this Community. For some time I have thoroughly enjoyed reading Sylvia’s posts, because they are so full of wisdom, insight and enlightenment. So much so that often I thought ,“She expressed that even better than what I could have written!” As a result, some time ago, I got in contact with Sylvia thanking her for being such an inspiration to the Community and commending her on her incredible humility and self-actualisation - namely the ability to take such powerful personal responsibility in order to recognise that ... read more →

Why Doesn’t The Narcissist Care About Me – Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  Last week we did a deep dive into why narcissists do not have the ability to genuinely care when we are in times of need. And why they switch off, detach, get angry, act weird or diminish the people they are supposed to care about the most, when they’re ill or in challenging times. This week, Part 2, is about the realisation that we can’t force the narcissist to care. And how we can learn to care for ourselves in the face of this.   Our Anger and Disbelief This is tough, not to get emotionally derailed … it is tough to not expect someone to ... read more →

Why Doesn’t The Narcissist Care About Me – Part 1

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This question has been coming up so much in the Community lately, and it is certainly always a really big theme in the Private Facebook 3 Keys Groups. It is one of the most invasive reasons why people can stay hooked to narcissists and keep breaking No Contact, because they are trying to stop the agony of not feeling cared for, and can’t stop trying to make the narcissist care for them … Or they give in to the massive emotional relief when the narcissist, after atrocious behaviour, hoovers and makes signs of caring for them. What this article series is about, is ... read more →

Is There A Right Way To Leave A Narcissist?

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  I really wanted to write this article, even though I had done two previous articles on this topic ... because lately so many people have been asking about this. And I can only hope and pray this is because more people are realising that this is what they need to do – if they are going to generate a happy and healthy life free from abuse. So it was my greatest desire in this article to create a compendium of information to help empower you to not only leave the narcissist but also deal with the aftermath of doing so – emotionally and practically. During ... read more →

How Nora Triumphed Depsite All Odds – Thriver Story #30

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This week’s blog and radio show is a Thriver Show, about a wonderful woman named Nora, who is also one of the Senior Moderators in the NARP Forum. Nora’s story is quite exceptional. Nora is a woman who suffered narcissistic abuse, which included components such as him taking another wife without her consent, and suffering numerous affairs, neglect, and abuse until she experienced severe medical conditions, which affected her brain and heart and almost took her life. This is a story of sheer survival for many years, and then ultimate Thriving after narcissistic abuse. The original transcript is below, however Nora and I chatted about ... read more →

A Deeper Look At Idolise, Devalue, Discard – The 3 Phases Of Narcissistic Abuse Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  Last week I wrote about a topic that has been covered in great detail in abuse recovery circles … The 3 phases of narcissistic abuse – idolise, devalue and discard. I’m very glad that I decided to approach this topic, as we’ve had an incredible response and a lot of really encouraging discussion from the community as a result. If you haven't read Part 1 please click here and read Part 1 before proceeding. This week, Part 2, is about going into more specifics about these cycles, looking at how painful it can be to be kept on the hook as “supply” when the ... read more →

A Deeper Look At Idolise, Devalue, Discard – The 3 Phases Of Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This is the first time I have written an article specifically about this … And I know it’s really important that I do, because this is one of those things about narcissists that leave people’s head spinning – as much or probably more than any narcissistic behaviours. When I put this topic to my Facebook Group many people wrote on the thread about what they wanted to know. What was fascinating was, even people who have been in this Community for a long time and who have worked through many wounds, still had unanswered questions. This three-part cycle – idolisation, devalue, discard – is ... read more →