Melanie Tonia Evans

Welcome to the Narcissism and Relationships Blog

The purpose of this blog is to grant illumination, empowerment and resources for individuals wishing to change painful love patterns, heal themselves and experience real love.

Here you will discover profound truths about yourself that will put you in the driver's seat to create a life of happiness, freedom and joy.

You can expect profound 'ah ha' moments, relief, hope and the answers to the difficult questions about love and your life that may have previously eluded you.


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Recovering From A Marriage With A Narcissistic Rager [Thriver Story #27 Val]

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
I'm very excited to bring you this Thriver Story about a woman named Val. Many narcissistic relationships include episodes of rage. However, some narcissists are notorious for these episodes and constant mood swings. If you have been a relationship with a narcissistic rager you will relate to: Feeling like you can't do anything right because the slightest perceived error will result in a barrage of rage. Living in constant fear of what they might do - especially after breaking away from the relationship. Feeling like it's all your fault and being blamed for the rage episodes. Another extremely painful thing that Val went through was bringing up ... read more →

Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse – The 5 Illusions Of Victimhood

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This article is a follow on from last week’s article Raising Consciousness – The Difference Between Victimisation and Thriving. After last week’s article I was overwhelmed with positive feedback. Many people emailed me and messaged me on Facebook stating “I am so proud of you for doing this!” … and I really didn’t expect or need accolades, that’s not why I am doing this mission – yet what did thrill me was knowing that people are shifting. More and more people are transcending from mere survival to true Thriving in this community every day. What was also wonderful was people, who were ... read more →

Raising Consciousness After Narcissistic Abuse – The Difference Between Victimisation and Thriving

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  For those of you on my Facebook Group you will have seen that I have been sharing a 10-part series. The article and radio show this week is about a “mission” … it really is. It’s about truly defining what I am most passionate about and what this calling to help change lives is really about. A little over a week ago I had an awakening within me that was so powerful there was no ignoring it – and nor the “information” that was inspired within me. In know whenever this happens that there is something so much greater than myself pulling the ... read more →

Healing Childhood Trauma And Avoidance Disorders [Thriver Story #26 Clarie]

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
    This radio show is Clarie’s Thriver Story. An incredible one that I know many people will relate to. As a result of Clarie’s traumatic childhood she had developed avoidance and dissociation disorders. She had very little memory of her childhood, and had through she had dealt with it, and that she was “okay”. Clarie ended up in a relationship in her 50s with a narcissist, which cracked that illusion wide open. The journey of this radio show is about her N-experience and then how Clarie realised she was sick, and that life could no longer carry on as normal. Clarie tried through intense therapy to ... read more →

How To Divorce A Narcissist Part 2

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
There really is no wonder that divorcing a narcissist takes the level of trauma of divorce to an unprecedented level – when we consider things such as: the cruel discards and replacing with new partners, new partners attacking you as well as the narcissist, battling over custody and property and the financial losses that generally happen as a result of the relationship, and whilst dealing with legal systems and narcissists in general. I want to discuss each of these points one at a time.   Being Heartlessly Replaced I know for many people this has been excruciatingly painful. My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced this, is experiencing this, or whoever will. It is part of our human ... read more →

How To Divorce A Narcissist Part 1

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  This first article is Part One of a two part series I think we would all agree that divorce is one of the most excruciating things anyone can go through. Psychologists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe in 1967 created a list of the top 43 most stressful life events. Divorce rated the second most stressful, only capped by death of a spouse. That describes a normal divorce. But what about divorcing a narcissist? THAT takes the stress to a whole new level. I’ve been through it, and many people in this community have been, presently are, or will need to do so in the future. Maybe you ... read more →

Being The Scapegoat And Trying Everything To Get Approval [Thriver Story #25 Cindy]

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  I’m really excited because today I have another incredible Thriver story.If you were abused as a child, by a parent or family member, you are especially going to want to make some time to listen to this story.It’s pretty incredible!This story is about a Cindy, a wonderful woman within our NARP community and is also a moderator in the NARP forum. (Like Phil who I had on the show a few weeks ago.)Cindy grew up in dairy farm in Wisconsin with foster parents. Her mother was the narcissist and her father was the co-dependent enabler.She spent her youth growing up trying ... read more →

What It Means To Be Addicted To A Narcissist – And How To Break Free From It

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  I have never written an article specifically on this topic – and I think it is really important that I do. Feeling “addicted” to the narcissist is one of the most horrible and powerless things about suffering the trauma of narcissistic abuse. And it truly does defy all logical explanation. People standing on the side-lines can’t comprehend it. It would seem obvious that you would want nothing to do with someone who continually hurts you. It seems incredulous that you’re not able to logically define that this person is no longer worth one scrap of your energy, and that you can’t simply stop thinking about ... read more →

Why Doesn’t A Narcissist Want Love, Happiness Or Peace?

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
  After my article Narcissistic Abuse – You’re Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t came out I received a few messages wanting me to expand on the point I made in it – that narcissists don’t want what we want. I thought this was a really good idea ... And it knew it could help people understand a lot more … because one of the most baffling and distressing things about narcissists is that we can’t “work them out” from any human level. Because they don’t think and operate like normal humans. And when we are trying to gauge them from our framework, ... read more →

Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #24 Phil

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans
Today I have a really special interview. Especially if you are a male in this community, I know you will find this interview relatable and insightful. This show is about Phil, who is now one of our senior members in the NARP community. He is a friend of mine, and is also a part of the moderator team in the Private NARP Forum. Phil is a shining example of someone who has been to the brink, and managed to completely turn his life around. If you are a male who has suffered a relationship with a female narcissist you may relate to things like: The ... read more →