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I hope you enjoyed Part One of ‘My Journey To An Evolutionary Relationship’, and if you are single and ready to start magnetising a wonderful relationship, that it assisted you with your deliberate relationship creation.

This article is the actual details of my dating experiences!

Truly there may be need to be a Part Three to this series…I’m not sure…after all I am now in the United States, and there is plenty of socialising taking place in amongst business meetings.

Even though I am internet dating in Australia, the truth is ‘my beloved’ could turn up anywhere. I am intimately aware that ‘the field’ Source / Life / God has permutations, possibilities and ‘chance meetings’ available that I could not even possibly dream of!

I know that I could meet my future partner anywhere – in any country…

But let’s look at what I have been up to!

 

Not Waiting to Be ‘In Love’

I did a post on facebook during the week, which was about how it isn’t appropriate to wait for a person to come along in order to ‘get’ a life. The truth is when we build and ‘be’ our life, then the person who fits in with it perfectly will come.

That is exactly what I am doing, and what I 100% believe.

It’s vital to understand – to be able to receive the opportunities that our intentions are generating with life, it is so important to free ourselves of fear, and to be connected to the field with love, happiness and openness (the very recipe for miracles), and NOT be in analysis whilst doing so.

Not only does this communicate a big “yes” to life for love to come in, it also means there are unlimited ways to experience heart connection, joy, laughs and ‘oneness’ with even total strangers.

The gorgeous thing is – when we have no agenda, we can be open and friendly to everyone, regardless of whether they are a love potential or not, and we get to experience the freedom and the joy of connection – as the flow of wellbeing and Life.

As I talked about in last week’s article – when we are secure in our own bodies flowing Source through us, and knowing we have all the resources to look after ourselves, and that Life adores us and has our back – we can be fearless and connect.

(Of course when we have cleared the inner blocks that previously made it frightening to connect).

Being fearless is NOT being reckless.

Being reckless is turning up in the field with unattended to inner fear and pain, not listening to yourself, not trusting yourself and THEN expecting other people to take responsibility for your inner wounds and your own lack of inner development.

That’s the definition of handing your power over.

There is a HUGE difference…

Okay…back to dating!

 

My New Profile Results

After updating my profile, I left the contact up to men. I am busy – very busy. I grant a lot of time to myself doing the things I like, exercise, yoga, I catch up with family and friends, and I have a very busy mission with this business.

As a result I decided I wouldn’t search for and contact men. I am having too much of a great time living, and that is why I leave it up to men to contact me.

Definitely getting clear, and stating my truth changed the quality of contact I received from men. I had never previously had difficulty with men who contacted in an objectifying and sexual way, so that wasn’t the big change.

Just to elaborate on ‘that’ a little. Many women have beliefs that internet dating is all about ‘sex’ and men on there are ‘players’ and ‘just after one thing’….I don’t have these beliefs, and have always been clear if I am approached in that way, I simply completely detach , and truly it just doesn’t happen to me. Because I don’t have an emotional charge around it, it is not an issue for me, and I don’t attract it.

It is the things we get sucked in by, hooked by and emotional charged up by which keep presenting (wounds that have not been evolved yet). That always indicate there is work to be done here!

Especially the things that REALLY freak us out or rile us up.

It’s so interested how we all have our ‘Achilles heels’ that show up, whereas other things just don’t, when we are clear and solid on that particular topic.

So the difference that my very clear relationship intention statement generated, was the men contacting were more obviously ‘real’. They were more open in their language, exposing more about who they were as people, and there was less emphasis on ‘what I drive, own or earn’.

Some of these men expressed spiritual interests and values. These men were also not trying to be overly funny, impressive or flattering. In other words they were much more comfortable to just be themselves.

Yay!!

These men, as a whole, didn’t seem to represent my old security and identity fears (I need a man to survive) and weren’t the men whose profiles and language contained ego, arrogance, competition, superiority, ‘Why I’m better than other men’ etc..

So far, so good. Life was collaborating beautifully with me.

 

The Previous ‘Test’

I am totally aware that in order to evolve past our previous patterns Life always diligently supplies the ‘test’.

Now this is where we have the choice:

Hate the test, or

Thrive on it…

I HOPE you choose to thrive on it – because that is the only way you get to pass tests and go to the next level.

It is SO naive and truly lacks courage if we choose to believe –  just because we don’t want something in our life anymore that it shouldn’t show up.

The truth is you have to walk under ladders on your path CALMLY and POWERFULLY if you no longer want these ladders to appear on your path.

This I why I want to share these experiences and inspire you to grab these up levelling opportunities with both hands, and even joyfully expect these opportunities to show up.

So many people state “I am sick of this. WHY do these SAME people keep turning up???” “I don’t want to meet THESE TESTS anymore!!!!”

I’ll tell you why they turn up…

So that YOU can THIS TIME do it differently!

Then you graduate…

So don’t assume that this is ‘The Universe’ treating you horribly, because it is in fact the most POWERFUL and LOVING way Life can co-create with you.

I have received two tests since dating, which have been standouts.

There are ‘tests’ all the time with dating,  certain ones were easy and certain ones really challenged the old programs, and was Source / God / Life asking “Okay have you REALLY got this yet Melanie?” Because you are not passing ‘GO’ unless you have!”

The first test occurred before I updated my profile, at a time when I was doing a huge amount of work on myself, and not seriously focused on dating.

A man who I had met years ago, and previously had a very powerful attraction to reappeared in my life. I felt the same experience towards this man – he is attractive, tall, articulate, a gentleman, spiritual, humble, and super intelligent emotionally and mentally.

In fact when I met him years ago the attraction and connection was mind-blowing, but the timing was not right – even though we both felt it.

This time, even though I was single, he was very honest about not being sorted in a separation process and various other challenges in his life. Timing was out again.

Despite this he wanted to stay connected while he sorted out what he needed to do.

It was tempting.

The old me would have gone into limitation and fear that a connection this powerful had only ever happened twice in my life (first boyfriend who was a great guy and this one now) and maybe it would never happen for me again.

But I stayed true to my own development and journey.

I let him go on the understanding that if and when he was sorted to seek me out – and if I was single we could explore further. He respected this and also let go. That was months ago and neither of us have contacted each other since.

After making this decision it was not hard for me to move on, I rarely think about him, knowing that if he is the man for me, Life will deliver, and if not I have saved myself from a painful time of being in love with someone with unfinished, messy business.

We know when we have made the right decision because there is total peace with it. I went to a Marianne Williamson event Monday night in LA, and as she stated “If you haven’t got peace – then there is something you need to look at…”

So true…

My peace was the deep anchoring into knowing within the unlimited mechanics of life absolutely I can experience attraction at that level again, because that is my true intention with relationship – and for now (and maybe always) he is not available for a true relationship with me.

Then the next test was even more challenging…

 

The Big Test

Very shortly after my profile was updated the next test came.

A man who was available, attractive, successful, spiritual, and communication wise astoundingly compatible. He made his intentions very clear that he was seeking a committed relationship with me.

This man was romancing me. He was sophisticated. It was heady, exciting and tempting.

I spent three dates with him investigating, yet something in my gut wasn’t connecting.

Here it was – my old glass ceiling of the past.

Specifically it.

This is where even though ‘I’m not really feeling this’, I would usually come up with all of the reasons in my mind why ‘this guy is a catch’, and because he was so keen on me, go along with it and get into a relationship.

First narc I totally did fall ‘head over heels with’ despite glaring warning signs (I was incredibly naive back then), second narc I didn’t – I ascertained him logically, got fooled by the mirage and fell for it, despite not really ‘feeling it’.

Of course this was to do with the old security fears.

So here I was again, with a man who seemed accomplished, secure and successful (in a much more credible and solid ways than the previous narcs), highly intelligent, much more physically attractive and had ‘so much to offer’.

The old me would have ascertained him mentally – CERTAINLY would have thought he was ‘a good catch’, my security and safety can finally be assured, my struggles and fears in life would be over, and I would have said “Yes” and gone with it, hoping that in time the feeling of ‘hmmmm I’m not really connecting with you’ would dissipate.

So here it was – THE BIG TEST.

I knew it, and I honoured my gut feeling of ‘not really connecting’ and I said “No”.

He reacted to my decision, and was adamant about “How I had made a mistake and wouldn’t find anyone else as good as him, and that I had no idea how capable he was and what he could produce etc etc.”

He was arrogant – obviously…

I was turned off– obviously…

I’ve heard it all before…

I was thrilled how quickly Life supplied me with the total confirmation I was on the right track and just how accurate my gut feelings were.

Then he sent me messages of devastation and deep poetic ones of ‘our connection’, and links to songs etc. – and I didn’t waver.

The old me used to crumble and go for that stuff…repeatedly.

I used to feel like – Who will ever love me that much again?

Thank goodness I’m not that same woman anymore.

I can’t tell you the empowerment I felt from passing THAT test. Wow!

I graduated…

 

The Other Dates

Those two tests were older men, and since the last test there have been 9 other dates – all with men who I had emailed, spoke to and ascertained enough about them to meet up.

One of these is a man who has become a friend who I have been out on several dates with. I originally met him months ago before I updated my profile.

It’s strange, because a part of me sometimes thinks and feels that this could be my man, he’s been under my nose for a long time now…but I’m not sure.

And I’m not quite sure why I am not sure – yet…

What I do know about him is he is sweet, kind, attractive and smart. I’m definitely attracted. Spiritual ‘enough’ I’m not sure.

Maybe he is one of those people who emotionally is together without having to do oodles of self-development. (I was certainly NOT one of those people).

I don’t think I am meant to know yet…time will tell.

One thing I do 100% know for sure, is that when I met this man some months ago, I am happy I did not get into a relationship, and that I have spent this time alone.

It has been such an incredible growth period in my life – the most powerful in fact – and I simply COULD NOT have done this much dedication to myself if I was in a relationship, and I am thrilled to be single and have had 14 months on my own.

He and I talked just recently about the ‘him and I possibility’, and we’ll meet up after LA (as long as neither of us are taken by then!) to really sit down and talk this through. That could be done very frankly and honestly with him.

Interesting…

The other guys have been a variety of men ranging from 30 to 55.

The 30 year old guy was hilarious.

He owns a company with branches in different states (checked out and credible). When he contacted me I was pretty fascinated, and wanted to meet him – because someone so young, so successful and driven is fascinating to me. Plus I thought it would be a great experience to date someone this young.

So we started communicating about meeting up.

I told him the Tuesday or Thursday night was free to meet, and I didn’t hear back from him. Tuesday night came and he texted at 9pm and wanted to meet. I told him it was too late notice.

He reacted badly and rudely! That was clearly the end of that…

No need to engage any further!

The other guys ranged from spiritual to non- spiritual – the ‘most’ spiritual was in fact way too scattered and irresponsible but a lovely chap nevertheless, and the least spiritual a merchant banker.

All really nice guys, all great lunches or dinners and wonderful conversation. Just not quite that special connection.

Apart from one other guy. He’s in his late 30’s. From the moment we met he rattled my cage.

He in very smart, incredibly great questioner, and very subtly probing – in fact so much so that my ‘narcdar’ was up.

And incredible blue eyes, and very attractive. No arrogance (insecurity), but enough ‘skills’ to make me wary.

Definite danger zone!!!

What was also unnerving was the incredible compatible conversation, and feelings of connection.

After dinner we ended up for a walk down the beach on a hot night, we had rolled up our trousers and were paddling in the water.

Before I knew it he had me in his arms in the waves, and BOY did I feel it…

Oh la la – yes I am human!!

I totally admit – it confused me. I kissed him that night by the car, and had to get away. I was feeling fluttery – BIG TIME!

What happened next was different…

The normal love-bombing didn’t happen.

I took that as a good sign – but still my jury has not made a decision – I don’t know enough about him.

He could be a great guy who is confident, charismatic, super smart and reads people brilliant – or….. he is not right for me to consider. His true intentions aren’t even clear yet.

What transpired was some contact with him – then none. I was fine with that. I am actually uninspired when men don’t ‘show up’ – I lose interest.

So it was really simple to keep dating and not even worry about his contact or not. I had completely let it go, and forgotten all about him. You see, I have COMPLETE and utter faith that Life is looking after me beautifully. If something doesn’t come together it’s because it’s not meant to.

Then he contacted again.

He was worth another look, but then he broke the date for a work issue.

Again I was uninspired.

In fact so uninspired, if that happens again with him I’ll bow out, and that’s all perfectly okay.

He contacted wishing me the best for the trip as did the other gentleman who is ‘my friend’ before I left Australia.

….and that is EXACTLY where I am presently at!!!

 

The Journey

Truly, I am LOVING this part of my life. I am here in LA having the most incredible meetings, doing the most incredible things –and the MAGIC that is happening in my life regarding personal growth, and the growth of my business and this mission is an unprecedented SHIFT upwards from life as I used to know it.

I am meeting people and doing things that I only used to previously dream about, and I am open in the field and saying “yes” to stepping way outside my previously imagined identity.

I have never felt more whole, confident, inspired and truly ME in my entire life.

I have never felt more alive.

Therefore the man in my future – my ultimate partner is NOT my identity.

I am.

The man in my life will be someone who also has his own identity, and THEN he and I will share a life together.

That’s my orientation and intention, that is what I am standing for and what I am generating – and TRULY I am having such a wonderful time, and I am so grateful for all the growth, opportunities and learning along the way…

Plus I am so grateful for all of you in this community, without you this wouldn’t be possible!

Let’s see if a Part Three comes, or not (or maybe it will later)….but what is really important is in some way I HOPE this can help your dating intentions and experiences!

Please share your own dating experiences or intentions in the comments below.

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37 thoughts on “My Journey To An Evolutionary Love Relationship – Part 2

  1. Hi Melanie,
    I’m so happy to read about your fun, and exciting dating adventures! I’m looking forward to dating too. However, I feel more comfortable meeting someone at my church which is very spiritual and metaphysical or a connection through a friend or my work. I won’t to go slow, very slow this time. I’m looking forward to just enjoying people and their company with no agenda. I hope I’m close to finding and embracing a healthy relationship. It’s been 1 year and half since I left the ex narc.

    1. Hi Regina,

      thank you – it is fun! Truly it is about what feels right for you, and the most important thing is about feeling whole, healthy and in love with life.

      So, that is perfect that you wish to connect without agenda, because it brings so much beauty and joy.

      Truly, none of us know when the timing will be. It will be when it is meant to happen, and ironically because we certainly don’t NEED it to happen to feel fulfilled and in love with life.

      A partner was never meant to grant us a life, they are an expression of adding to our already healthy life.

      Absolutely that is a healthy orientation to not commit yourself until you really get to know a person – and not by their ‘words’ – but by their actions in life.

      Thank you for your post!

      Mel xo

  2. oops…I mean I’m going to go slow and take my time and really sit with everything before I commit to anyone or anything.

  3. Thanks Mel for being generous with sharing your experiences!!! luvit!!! “My ultimate partner is not my identity” love this too!

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      you are so welcome!

      That’s great you love that expression, because it is so vital – and the total antithesis of narcissism.

      Healthy people don’t want you creating them as your identity! And when we are healthy and conscious we co-create healthy interdependent relationships were all parties can flourish.

      Mel xo

  4. Thanks for sharing this Melanie. I just signed up for online dating, if someone contacts me that is fine. I’m not interested in sitting online either. I know I need to make a start some place so I thought this would be a good way to start. I’m mostly just considering of opening up a little to the possibility of a loving kind relationship. That alone has been spurring something inside and its very nice and gentle. See you tomorrow night in LA!

    1. Hi Catherine,

      you are very welcome.

      Gorgeous you are feeling the energy of ‘nice and gentle’ – and there is no rush.

      The fabulous thing is you can now use your dating experience to grow personally – and you absolutely will if you keep navigating with consciousness, and take responsibility to heal whatever presents for you!

      Fabbo!

      Mel xo

  5. Very encouraging Mel :)Not about the men showing up but your ability to reject them, especially the good kisser ha!
    No doubt you are overtaking them all on your way to where your soul settles, a place where he dwells also.
    Keep us posted.

    1. Hi Karen,

      I am so glad you found this encouraging!

      I had a giggle when I read your post! I have come way too far to let my hormones control my orientation!

      Your last sentence was profound….and TOTALLY 100% correct. Life is not about limitations anymore, or accepting less than the truth for me.

      It is only lately that I have accepted the truth of my life and what that really looks like – because that was outside of my previous self-identity.

      It has only been through intending to release myself from emotional limitations that I have started aligning with Who I Am in order to start generating (and receiving) my true life.

      All we need to do is keep aligning with Who We Are, release the limitations for ourselves and our purpose here – and YES he will reside in ‘that place’ as well.

      Beautifully expressed Karen.

      Mel xo

  6. Wonderfully inspiring Mel, thank you so much for sharing this part of your journey with us.
    For the first time in my life, and I have actually been single more years than I have been in a relationship, I have truly come to know that I no longer need or desire a partner and I am currently enjoying the freedom that has brought me; however, your journey has taught me that even though I am not currently interested in dating and maybe I never will be but if I did become interested I can see it in not only a very fun and light hearted way but also as a further period of growth.
    What I find most inspiring about this part of your journey Mel doesn’t even have anything to do with dating per se, you have inspired me so much by the fact that you’re ‘getting out there’ (again, not so much in terms of dating), you’re really stepping outside yourself, trusting fully in the Universe and fully reaping the benefits of all your efforts in terms of your own personal growth and transformation and in your business world and THAT is what I find truly inspiring ~ it makes my heart sing, I feel lighter and I love it.
    I didn’t think you could inspire me any more but you have, you really have, I’m so happy for you, I can feel your joy, your lightness and just plain old love for life, shining through the words and that fills me with inspiration, lightness of heart, joy and a knowing that I too can reap these rewards.
    Thank you Mel X

    1. Hi Karen,

      I am glad you found the article inspiring and you are very welcome 🙂

      What I firmly believe now is that love is not an ‘either / or’ proposition.

      No longer do we need to make the choice between loving and honouring ourselves or being in a love relationship.

      This time is about generating BOTH…

      It is very true that dating, and all ‘relationship’ grants us the incredible ability to have others reflecting back to us the parts of ourselves that we need to heal, in order to grow and truly SHINE our True Selves.

      When we are NOT attached to ‘getting someone’ and have the experience of developing ourselves instead then there are no BAD experiences…only opportunities to become MORE of Who We Are…

      And the more we become Who We Are the more Life supplies us all the people and events that match this…

      That is what creating LOVE is all about – in every area of our life.

      Thank you for your post!

      Mel xo

  7. I’ve been seeing a new man for about 6 months now. He is not the dominating, charming, talkative type at all and I feel so, so much different with him. Just normal, safe and sweet. Not jittery, jealous, kind of in a high-voltage state… We are quite different on many levels, but the way we think and see the world is very similar. We find the same things being important to us. None of us ever emphasized being soulmates or being “the perfect match” for the other. The attraction phase was so, so intense, but without being obsessive. I could see straight away he’s comfortable being alone and does not need people desperately to feed off them. He doesn’t need constant attention. He cares about my opinion and what I say is important to him. He doesn’t behave like a spoiled, angry kid when I know more about something and he can admit he was wrong.

    I’m still very careful, but something inside me tells me just to relax and enjoy. He’s 5 years younger than me and still studying for a PhD, so my friends keep joking I’m turning into a cougar 🙂 Even if it turns out to be just a little short-lived romance I will still have many beautiful memories and a friend for life.

    Good luck with your dates, Melanie 🙂 xx

    1. Hi Nive,

      This sounds so gorgeous!!!

      Beautiful that you are living the difference, and connected to a man who is not behaving narcissistically – there IS a vast difference.

      Enjoy :)And thank you for your best wishes!

      Mel xo

  8. Hi Melanie
    I listened to this via the radio show earlier in the week and felt really inspired by your experiences – and also the call from Elena, and hearing her journey. I drove and smiled and also had tears at one stage. What I am really understanding, is that healing does not mean that narc men or inappropriate men won’t show up, but that I (and everyone on this path) will eventually have the knowledge, skills and inner strength to quickly walk away. It has made me reflect on all of the relationships that I have ever had with many insights arising. Not ready to date yet, but feeling so different. You are changing lives and I so wish you well – as well as everyone on this path. xxx

    1. Hi Carol,

      I am so pleased the show and Elena’s call in touched you!

      SPOT ON – this was never about ‘no more narcs’ – this is NEVER about the world changing outside of us – it is about US changing….and then our world that we say “yes’ to is COMPLETELY different…

      That is why it is sooo important to have the experiences we need to say “No” to THIS TIME to instruct Life what IS our truth now.

      Divine that you are having powerful insights – because that is what evolving is all about – taking the experience from ‘out there’ to ‘in there’.

      Thank you for your post and blessings to myself and everyone 🙂

      Mel xo

  9. After a narc-free year, I decided to consider dating. Because I’m so busy I made the same choice as Melanie – I would post a profile online and just wait and see. But first I had to decide where to post. Browsing the sites I noticed a very unusual post from a man who lived fairly far away. I had a strong gut feeling to reply to the post, and I thought if the attraction was coming from some subconscious pattern of mine I was confident that I was ready to do what was best for me and walk away.

    The man replied and we corresponded for a few weeks. His emails were wonderfully funny and entertaining. He seemed gentle, introspective, and honest. We met for a dinner date and the rest is history. We were married on New Year’s Day. I believe the Universe delivered exactly what I need – a warm, loving man who is truly a partner. He travels frequently for business reasons, so he isn’t around to “take care of me.” We have totally separate finances and I am protected by a prenup. He allows me complete independence to manage my own affairs and I allow him the same. I do not think of him as my soul mate. My soul is complete without a mate. I do feel, however, that we bring out the best in each other and he is certainly the most understanding partner I could have imagined.

    As a matter of fact,before we met I did spend some months imagining what kind of partner I might want. I made some lists of the values and attitudes that I was trying to embody in myself and would like to see reflected in a partner. I tried to imagine that he was in the next room and how I would feel if we were living together. I never tried to imagine his physical appearance because I wanted to focus on the inner qualities. As it turned out, he is both younger and shorter than I am – and he is totally adorable. The most adorable part is his open, honest, and loving way of relating to the world.

    Many times as we were getting to know each other I felt hesitant and fearful. I took my time and really got to know him. Even then it was scary to make a commitment but my gut kept telling me to go for it. I finally did it and I’m glad. I know I love him but I am not engulfed by the relationship. I greatly enjoy my time alone and I greatly enjoy it when he’s home or when we travel together.

    Without you, Melanie, I would probably still be caught up in the narc relationship, wondering what was happening to me. Thank you for showing me how to find myself and be free.

    1. Hi EJ,

      I love your post in so many ways…

      How gorgeous that you ‘felt’ the connection in order to magnetise it – that is so powerful…

      Perfect that you focused on the inner qualities, and that you took your time, and listened to yourself..

      Blessings to this beautiful connection EJ 🙂

      I am so pleased you got free from the past!!You are sooooo welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  10. Wow Melanie…perfect timing…left the NARC three years ago…just told my girlfriend last night that I am so ready to date again. Scared…but I am confident that the right man will show up now. Willing to step out of my comfort zone. Big hugs to you! XO

    1. Hi JM,

      Ok what is really important here is to confront everything you are sscred about – because The Universe is only going to bring you the match of your emotional resonance on the topic of ‘dating, love and men’…

      Those fears need to be worked through – because what you need to be confident about is NOT the right man showing up – rather you being the RIGHT woman who is going to generate, choose and co-create a great relationship.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      1. Dear Mel,
        Your response to JM helped me too! What a great way of putting it:
        it is not about the right man that will show up, but about us becoming, as you said in an earlier blog: “the relationship we want to experience.”
        It was inspiring to read how you evaluated your feelings and thoughts as to the new guys based on a deeper connection to how you felt and thought about the Narcs.
        I often feel as I read your words that I’m connecting to my own feelings on a deeper level.
        What a gift you share with us all!
        I am alone, and need that time alone, but I keep your Nelson Mandela quote from part I in mind: it is in preparation for something else. I feel blessed to go through my post- Narc journey while able to read how you go through yours. Thank you for sharing.
        Lots of love.

  11. I am loving your story because tonight I am going on my first date in 46 years….from an internet dating site. I am so clear about approaching this as an interesting dinner. I am completely respecting my intuition now and look upon this as an opportunity to meet someone and have no expectations at all.

    Above all, I am enjoying taking care of me, respecting who I am and seeing what the Universe may have in store for me.

    Thanks for the share Melanie. I so relate to your experiences.

    1. Wow Irene!

      That is huge and very inspirational!

      Correct – this is an interesting dinner – where you get to share conversation, grow, decide what you do or don’t want in a relationship and self-reflect any parts of yourself that may get triggered in the process – in order to uplevel them!

      It’s All good!!

      Please report in how it goes!!!

      Mel xo

  12. Awe Mel…Thank you for sharing about your dates! I too have a great and fulfilling life. I have a great job, 2 amazing teenage boys, a loving family and incredible friends. So to just fill that missing piece in my life is a desire, not a “need”.
    I also have begun online dating now after a year out of my Narc relationship. I can so relate to your dating experiences on every level. It has opened my eyes to the potential out there…some good, some not so good but I truly believe “HE” is out there for me. Online, offline…who knows! What I do know is that I am waiting for him with an open heart, love, hope and patience. I will wait forever to feel those butterflies and pitter patter in my heart. Not going to settle and it will be all worth it.
    PS…I so wanted to come see you in LA today. (only 1.5 hours away)But with my work schedule, your schedule, this beautiful rain, I just couldn’t make it happen. However I do wish I could just give you a hug…if only for a minute. You saved my life!
    XO

    1. Hi Dubs,

      you are so welcome.

      Yes absolutely he is ‘out there’, but really he is ‘in there’…because we generate from an inner level of authenticity with ourself and then Life just continues to deliver those ‘matches’.

      And please know you don’t have to wait to be ‘in love’ – you can be in love right now in every moment of every day…a force of love flowing Source through you..

      THEN you are a total magnet!

      Great you will not settle – because truly that is disastrous…we have all made that mistake!

      I am returning to LA later in the year, so maybe we can have that hug then – that would be lovely!

      Mel xo

  13. Wow Mel,
    I had so much fun reading this article! You are special and you deserve the best that you want for you.
    The two tests were what stood out most for me, so powerful and beautifully put, that I had to reread them 4 to 5 times each and just sit still to ponder over them before continuing.
    I am inspired even more to get away from the N and spend a good long time by me to heal, grow and become complete.
    Lots of hugs to you xo

    1. Hi Quinton,

      I’m glad you had fun reading it – it was a lot of fun to write it!

      I really do hope the indepth look at those two tests do help people – and assists them to self-reflect on their own Achilles Heel areas…

      Terrific you are inspired to get away and grasp real life….

      There is no comparison 🙂

      Big hug back!

      Mel xo

  14. Thanks Melanie dearest for sharing your experiences. I really see myself in you. Some of the things you wrote are exactly the same things that i say to myself. I’m really really happy being me and being lovingly present with myself. Take care and thanks for everything. Big hugs. XXXXXX

  15. Hey Melanie,

    your words resonate beyond belief for me. Having committed to my own self development as a thriver and generally being ridiculously busy, I wasn’t looking to date but by pure chance (on my part anyway) became reacquainted with a male school friend. This was my test, the universe was obviously saying “hey, you, have you got it yet?”

    On the surface this guy had a good job, was pleasantly attractive and flattered me (vacuous, but it is always nice to get a compliment)and I decide to meet him for a date. However, my instinct is yelling ‘get out’ and I was unsure whether this was a damaged part of me shunning the idea of any relationship, which could be self-sabotaging. I kept an open mind on this.

    The instinct was right. I walked out on the date after an hour and what followed was a persuasion-fest, he could ‘look after me’ and ‘help with money’ for example. I don’t need looking after and I am not broke and certainly didn’t discuss my financial situation with him, but his belief system about women shone to the fore with that particular offer.

    Like yourself, I feel I passed the test. The old me would have jumped at a mediocre offer of being externally validated, would have fallen for the post-date persuasion and some of the pity-play he tried to engage my empathy with on the date (his ex was a “bitch, how about that!?!).

    The experience was highly valid and worthwhile and proved that I have shifted to a better place with a healthier boundary function. It’s taken a lot of work, time and self reflection and I perceive my journey continues, not that I have reached a destination.

    Thank you for sharing. Always adore reading your work.

    Much Love

    L

    1. Hi Louise,

      I am so glad this article resonated with you!

      How fantastic that you are in your body sourcing your life through your aligned truth.

      It is SO powerful when we have done enough self-analysis, and self-work to FIRMLY understand where our previous blind spots are, and when we have realised what is necessary to up-level ourselves and do it DIFFERENTLY.

      And when we know LIfe is an unlimited stream bringing to us ‘more of ourself’ and we NO LONGER need to except crumbs, OR our painful previous wounds.

      THAT Is true personal evolution.

      I want to shout out a huge BRAVO for you!

      Mel xo

  16. I am really enjoying you sharing your journey, thank you so much! Can’t wait to read part 3 🙂 I’m baracking for ‘the friend’ which of course says more about me than you 😉

    Reading this, I understand now (again) why I am dating a guy who’s evasive, bad at communicating and unreliable. Yup, time to look into my fear of being abandoned and neglected. I thought I’d done the work, but I’m struggling with this test, so obviously some more stuff needs looking at. I will look into what I need to do myself to feel safe and cared for and stop asking him to give that to me. So many layers to those old fears…

    Much love,
    AF

  17. Awwww this was SO great to read! Thanks to everyone who wrote here! I so enjoyed what I call my “relationship sabbatical” the past year and a half, during which I could just enjoy my”self”, learn to love my”self” even more and develop to a greater level. I made a conscious decision not to attach, although the urge was there but upon reflection (and hindsight), it would not have been the right thing to do during the past period. I wanted to honor myself in the decision I took to undertake my relationship sabbatical. This was such a precious time for me! I could attend to myself, body, soul and spirit. I lost a tremendous amount of weight (by choice!), now lead a very healthy and balanced lifestyle, write more than ever before, study and lecture each and every day and learned to love more,starting with me. I cannot give what I do not have, thus I learned that I can only give love if I have love. And I met so many wonderful people during this period, even those of the opposite sex and they all cheered me on, on my road! And I know that the time will come when life will present me with an opportunity again to have my “special one”, my Beloved. Until then, I will continue to grow and smile!

  18. Thank you for sharing your love story. It is very entertaining and informative at the same time. I think that a lot of single people that are not so lucky in love like myself will have fun and learn a lot reading this. I was able to relate my past experience and get an idea of what I might have been doing wrong. I’m definitely following the tips you have here and hopefully I’ll be more successful in the relationship department. Thanks!

    – Tavia Cruz

    1. I think the smartest name mentioned was Tony Allen. Unfortunately with the signing of Blake, I don’t think Allen is in the cards but he is a terrific on ball defender and can flat out stop pg’s. He could be signed for the remaining MLE but doubtful. I don’t see another defender out there as good.

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