Melanie Tonia Evans

My Most Debilitating Narcissistic Abuse Hook (And How I Healed From It)

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 8
86
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

A lot of people believe I am self-assured, confident and have created a great life, and that is very true. After my Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse, I am blessed to be living a life that at one point I would have considered an impossibility.

But this wasn’t always the case …

What I am going to share with your today, is information that I have never shared with this Community before.

I believe this, not only is this healthy for me to be authentic with you about, it may also help free you from shame and pain as well.

So … today I’m going to share something about my past, a dirty secret that I was once terribly ashamed of.

Once upon a time I didn’t like people.

I really mean it.

I felt like the only way I could enjoy my life was to be a recluse and enjoy nature, spirituality, and animals and not open myself up to people because as far as I was concerned, people were dangerous, bad and not to be trusted.

The roots of this were innocent – they came about from fearing people, feeling separated from them and not belonging.

Which were feelings I had had my entire life, but the results were awful.

It meant that I was always cynical of people, and I felt alone; unable to experience the beautiful human connections that truly is our birthright to enjoy.

I felt like a fish in a fishbowl, looking through the glass, not being able to join in.

The reason why I am having this discussion with you today, is I know many people in this Community suffer from this also. And like me, many of you have felt “odd” and “different” ever since you were a child.

You may identify fully with what I am saying, but may not have known that this feeling of being separated, not fitting in, and not being safe with people is ONE of the biggest (if not THE biggest) reasons we end up enmeshed and being abused by a narcissist.

In today’s Thriver TV episode you will learn WHY and HOW this is the case, as well as how I not only healed myself from narcissistic abuse but also these terrible feelings of being alone, on the outer and separated from humanity … and how I was then able to deeply connect and live, love and share myself with others.

Not long ago I would have resisted sharing parts of myself that I was once so ashamed of. Yet I now know that it is an integral part of my evolution to be completely vulnerable and open, and I hope that by doing so I can encourage and inspire you.

Do you relate to feeling different and never quite fitting in? And do you now see how this plays such a huge role in how we become involved in narcissistic abuse?

Please let me know in the comments below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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86 Thoughts on My Most Debilitating Narcissistic Abuse Hook (And How I Healed From It)
  • Hilmarose@aol.com'
    Hilma
    October 11, 2017

    I am pretty much speechless with this one… it resonates deeply. Even with all the healing I have done, recently a very deep issue has been surfacing but I was not sure what it was… Until I watched this. I left facebook for a while so I could disconnect from that energy that it seemed to have become. So I did not know you uploaded and just had a feeling to check youtube and you just posted this… Thank you, Thank you, Thank you… now I know what has been surfacing. Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Hilma,

      I am so pleased this did resonate and was perfect timing for you.

      It’s my absolute pleasure 🙂

      Sending many blessings and healing.

      Mel xo

  • catherineannelovely@yahoo.com.au'
    Catherine
    October 11, 2017

    WOW Melanie, this video brought tears to my eyes as it was like you were talking about my life.

    I so admire your strength, authenticity and willingness to assist others. You are such an inspiration and I am very grateful for all that you share.

    There was a period in my life when I didn’t think I would ever survive the abuse, ever be able to trust anyone or ever feel like I fit in/belonged.

    For a long time I wanted to leave this planet, however I worked really hard at my recovery due to the love I have for our son who is 28. We lost his father when he was 6, so the thought of him being alone with no parents kept me going.

    Today I know I belong and am working on becoming a THRIVER just like you. I also have a strong desire to share and assist others so that they too can have a better quality of life.

    I now see how ALL of my experiences can assist me to connect with others on so many levels and can now be grateful for the challenges and lessons, instead of feeling like a victim/black sheep/scapegoat etc.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you do to assist humanity.

    Much Respect and Admiration

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Catherine,

      thank you for your lovely words and I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      I love that you are working on being here and Thriving!

      How beautiful through all the smog you have found the truth 🙂

      Much love to you!

      Mel xo

  • denise9995@hotmail.com'
    Denise
    October 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    I have been watching your videos for a while after being shattered by a narcissist and this one was like listening to you telling my story, OMG!!! although I am on the road to recovery I know for sure after this video I have a long way to go yet.

    • melanietoniaevanscom.20.chaecker@xoxy.net'
      Claudius
      October 12, 2017

      If you find people who help you on this long way, it will get easier and faster. Maybe face to face, maybe over the internet. Maybe they help you with shifting!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Denise,

      I am so pleased this struck a chord.

      Please know your breakthrough is so doable! Once we know what it is we can go straight to it and heal it.

      Have you connected to my free webinar and Quanta Freedom Healing yet? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

    • Rpatchett66@gmail.com'
      Happy Girl
      October 13, 2017

      Dear Denise,

      This video and your story feel exactly like mine, too. Thank you for being my Sisters as I am beginning this journey. I am in tears for both the painful truth and loving recognition of it, and the feeling that you and others are there with me.
      Hugs and healing.

  • Yu4ick@gmail.com'
    Cindy
    October 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    You hit the nail on the head for me today. This has been a recurring theme in my life. Funny that I have been thinking about this lately and how I have accepted this as my lot in life. Well, no more. I will focus on this with the healing series.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Cindy,

      how awesome you wish to break free from this!

      Life awaits you Dear Lady in all its connection and glory 🙂

      Mel xo

  • stephencoleman95361@yahoo.com'
    Stephen
    October 11, 2017

    As a child and teen, I did all I could to avoid people. People to me meant pain. Social interactions were always painful. I was lucky to have grown in a large wilderness area and spent joyful days playing hookie from school. It was actually my intent to become a hermit and disappear into the mountains. I’m an empath and I had no idea what was going on. Since I wanted to avoid people, I could pick up on their negative feelings towards me, which again reinforced my desires to avoid people.

    So to top off this living hell childhood I got involved with a girl that eventually turns into a psychopathic murderer and I feel lucky to have gotten away from her. But then I married a narc and dutifully stayed with her, until I started taking back my power and not allowing her to manipulate me. She could not stand that and the best thing that ever happened to me, we divorced and no contact 5 years now. YEAH!!

    I’m now over 60 and life is starting in new and wonderful ways.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Stephen,

      oh my goodness, you have had an incredible journey.

      I wish you all the best love, connection, and joy in your new life.

      You deserve that, we all do.

      Mel xo

  • mlclulow@gmail.com'
    Marilyn Clulow
    October 11, 2017

    I too never liked people and always felt disconnected and separate. I live with a narcissist and have been for 54 years and today I am happy finally, as I changed, evolved through my deepening spirituality I began to realize that he was my best teacher but I also realized that he would always have my back. I left him many times but always went back, each time I left. I returned stronger and wiser . It is a very karmic relationship and a very spiritual one, my task was to learn to love this man absolutely unconditionally, to let go of any anger or resentment or sadness I had in this relationship. The greater my personal transformation, the more he modified his behaviour. Now life is pretty good. Very good I have to say When ever he reverts, there is hardly a blip on my radar, I just look at him with love, let him know he is loved and he is over his tizzy and we carry on with our day. One of the hooks for me in this relationship was that no matter how bad things ever got and they could be bad believe me, we always had good times when we would laugh uproariously together. My kids knew our relationship was bad on many levels , but they never forget waking up to the sound of their parents laughing their heads off. My husband is a very funny man with a lovely laugh.
    Thank you Melanie, you have helped me tremendously, you appeared just when I needed you. I love the way Source/ Creator works in our lives.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Marilyn,

      Dear Lady you are so welcome, and even though, of course this Community is not about condoning relationships with N’s, you have had a unique soul contract that you decided to uphold and live, and you have been at peace with this and even happy.

      For myself and many others, this would have been our demise, it was not sustainable. It just wasn’t our path.

      Bless you and thank you for your share Marilyn.

      Mel xo

  • penny.white@outlook.com'
    Penny
    October 11, 2017

    Again, this was me too. I never fit in with play groups from a young age and had this pattern of separation and disconnection from people and life along with the associated traumas of being raised in an abusive home. I have always felt better on my own and yearned for nature and connection through safer means and options. Attracted an array of narcissists/sociopaths in many environments as a reflection of my own trauma and fear and disconnection from self. I also spent time alone in church praying for a connection to god because I was seeking that from the outside rather than knowing god exists inside of us as our higher self. I can’t believe what I am learning and I do believe this is one of the main reasons I was abused too. It’s funny how we shy people away who are loving and kind and want that connection with us because ultimately we too feel unworthy of love. Double edged trauma.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Penny,

      you are SO right about the double-edged trauma … absolutely.

      I am so pleased this one resonated with you.

      Thank you for your share 🙂

      Mel xo

  • sheilapw@gmail.com'
    sheila williams
    October 11, 2017

    Such an amazing topic that until recently, there was really no information about. I’m in my 60’s (as it seems are a number of codependents on your site) and have had to wait till now for this kind of help! Yes, Melanie, this also really resonates with my upbringing by my NPD mother who was estranged from her family and my Narcissistic/Aspbergers Father who lived a secret private life. I always felt weird, different than other people, inferior, not belonging or part of anything. These feelings were reinforced as an only child raised in an angry, unpredictable, isolated environment. Its taken many years of going through “character building” events and the kind of information that you share, to help me resurrect.

    Much love to you and great appreciation for your help!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Shelia,

      I am so pleased that you feel supported with healing now.

      We are all so blessed to have so many of us here evolving beyond the same things.

      Sending love and healing.

      Mel xo

  • Elaine@elainegantzwright.com'
    Elaine Gantz Wright
    October 11, 2017

    Melanie, this is the ultimate narcissistic hook — because it it the mirror of our core limiting beliefs. Don’t you think we dislike other people, because we inherently dislike ourselves. As Wayne Dyer so eloquently stated, “You don’t attract what you want; you attract what you are.” As long as dislike and shame ourselves, we will attract people into our quantum field who manifest our thoughts. Through daily hypnotherapy, I am finally beginning to reprogram my thoughts — and seeing a shift in my relationships. It is like excavating the deepest, hidden secrets. It all began with quantum freedom healing — but I realized I had insidious, unconscious core beliefs that were thwarting the modules. What a journey, indeed.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Elaine,

      100% I agree with you – that is the core.

      I love that quote of Wayne’s it is so true.

      Please know you can target and call forth those unconscious traumas with QFH, state you are targeting them and your body will light up where they are held. When loading them you don’t even need to know what they are -“those blocks” – if you feel them as dense energy that is all that is required to shift them.

      It sure is a journey Elaine!

      Mel xo

  • blakcanis@gmail.com'
    Duane Fronek
    October 11, 2017

    This is so spot on to me. Growing up everyone got a kick out of my dream of wanting to grow up and be a hermit. Im drawn to the outdoors and animals. I was very spiritual then and still am and feel im also an empath. I never felt i fit in. I grew up watching vietnam footage on the news. I felt the world and people in it were cruel. I didnt fit in. In my teen years into my early 20s i was heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol that i ended up in rehab twice, the last time they didnt think i would recover or even be mentally fit to leave. I was severly damaged,a total mess. But i did recover with a lot of self work where i got to be a balanced person, so i thought. But in my late 20s i got married to an alcoholic and stayed married 7 years divorced and met someone that was amazing so i thought, we got married and it lasted 10 years. I didnt know what a narcisisst was then and it almost killed me. But after that marriage i still didnt know. I ended up in 3 relationships after that I see were narcisissts,with the last one lasting 3 years then a sudden discard. It shook me to the core, i felt lower than rock bottom, i felt stripped, betrayed, raped. I felt totally destroyed, i never felt pain this severe. I couldnt function. Some how i found your free webinar and then enrolled in the NARP program. It literally saved my life. I still have a long way to go, but learned so much about myself and whys. Im slowing piecing my life back together. This video speaks volumes to me and helped me see more of myself and the ways of my troubled past. And program has been a Godsend. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Duane,

      I am so so pleased you found your way to this Community and NARP!

      You are so welcome and how wonderful you are on your way to breaking free as your True You!

      Mel xo

  • mariacrystalp4@yahoo.com.au'
    Maria
    October 11, 2017

    Synchronicity of this post just brilliant Melanie!

    I have been feeling almost paralysed by confusion lately. .Overwhelmed with information & hoping that some clarity will shine thro the muggy darkness, & let the River flow.

    Like I felt as a child amongst the chaos, untreated madness, filth, poverty, constant violations by 6 older siblings & parents.
    Everything I had going for me as a child, my joy, my natural ability to trust & connect with others, my beautiful expressive openness & spontaneity, my feisty physicality, my intelligence, trashed relentlessly, particularly by my 2 older brothers. Life got more difficult to navigate as I got older & even after 25yrs of psychodynamic psychotherapy where I felt heard & understood, (behind closed doors, confidential, private,so different to the real World),(so different to this),I just got to psycho-analyse people & dislike them more & more. Retreating to nature, solitude, (except from abusive males ), hiding in shame & guilt, on the DSP for PTSD, (still am financially dependant on it), shame, feeling like a fraud. Always being told that I would eventually work it all out & live a fulfilling life.

    And I UNDERSTOOD this morning just before I read your post, that I didn’t really stand much of a chance to grow into anything that might fit somewhere TRANSPARENTLY in this life, this World. As hard as I tried I just couldn’t & still feel trapped. Safe in secure affordable, clean & quiet public housing, but trapped.

    I think I just need to rest & some direction on which Module to do v. soon.

    Love your ability to stay in your power while being authentic, vulnerable, compassionate & intelligent.
    An alpha woman who is changing the World for the good.

    Maria Crystal-Paige

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Maria,

      that is wonderful that was timely for you.

      I am so pleased you are sensing a way through this now – because I promise you it felt that confusing and hopeless for me once too.

      I adore being able to now be strong yet feminine – there was a great deal for me to heal around that too!

      But SO worth it.

      The truth is Maria we don’t have to accept anything as our painful reality anymore, not when we have a tool like Quanta Freedom Healing to shift our subconscious programs.

      Without that, I never could have changed.

      Create yourself anew Maria … you deserve to … we all do.

      Mel xo

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie Wedel
    October 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    Enjoyed this vid very much – thank you as always. It is inspiring to realize this is how I used to feel. Used to feel in spades. It is one of the big changes in my life along the thriver journey. I feel supported now by people in general, and also aware that not everyone is supportive, so one uses a bit of discernment. Actually, what a HUGE change for the better 🙂
    It is also inspiring to read the comments above. (by the way, we are playing with space time, because it is October 10th when and where I am writing this 🙂 It is very comforting to realize how many of us there are with similar feelings or backgrounds. Community on so many levels. As always the journey continues, but I am so incredibly grateful to be where I am now instead of three years ago.

    Love and joy –
    Valerie

    • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
      Valerie Wedel
      October 11, 2017

      oooo I get it, I am living in two times at once – 10/10 here and simultaneously 10/11 there – so cool 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Valerie,

      I am so pleased you did enjoy it 🙂

      That is so beautiful that you have broken through into Oneness and joy!

      Bless you, Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  • carol.semin2011@gmail.com'
    Carol
    October 11, 2017

    Thank you for sharing this video and for all the work you do.
    After working on Module 1 in the NARP course, I started having disturbing concepts and images coming through, when I asked: “where does this come from”. I felt that I had soul sickness, that I had been in pain my entire life, (although I covered it up with many things, including being an over achiever, early on). Etc, etc.
    The feeling that you’ve described came through to me as being in a “hell realm”, viz. complete separation from others and the excruciating pain of being unable to connect. That scared me terribly.

    After I was shattered by two over the limit narcissistic relationships, which ended in the sickest of ways, a year later my family ostracised, maligned and persecuted me. That has not stopped.

    My greatest surprise was that I wasn’t able to rebuild my social life – people didn’t want the baggage – and I faced a 100% rejection rate and all the things you’ve mentioned… plus it has escalated to a point of being intolerable -everyone WILL take advatage of me, although I believe they won’t. I have also experienced terrible and ongoing persecution.
    I’m suffering crippling adrenal fatigue after running myself to the ground, on empty. I have a thyroid issue and inflammation.
    I was commited to taking full responsibility for all of this, and using this as a time to create MY LIFE – for the first time ever.
    What came up in Module 1, was very traumatising, and I honestly wasn’t sure if it was healthy to continue. There were many aspects that were good, (my inner child was happier in the visualisations, and I connected with Light, Source and ‘grand design’), but there was just so much negativity coming up.
    Also, with adrenal fatigue, I couldn’t imagine starting over again.

    I have given it a break for a couple of days, but know that I’m in a state of breakdown. I could write so much more about specifics which have contributed to my situation.

    I appreciate the approach that you take of healing ourselves and no longer being victims. It truly is the only way to go. I was just concerned about re-traumatising myself, or possibly needing guidance.

    One of my biggest triggers is seeing people together, because I’ve been denied this for so long and have wanted it so much.

    Today is my birthday and I am alone again. I’d prefer to be doing something to heal myself today.

    Thank you for creating a place where we can comment. 🙂

    • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
      Katie
      October 11, 2017

      Happy birthday Carol. Even if you’re alone you can still treat yourself, something simple like curling up with a new magazine or book and a nice drink (non alcoholic!), dancing around your sitting room to loud music or nipping to the shops to buy something – however cheap or small – just for you – or if you’re out of town looking online or in a catalogue and ordering something. I hope you can do something to acknowledge your birthday, however small a token it is. You are most definitely worth it and deserve it. There are a lot of people on this site who are rooting for you – and hopefully proper advice which I can’t begin to give! Take care. X

      • carol.semin2011@gmail.com'
        Carol
        October 12, 2017

        Thanks Katie ❤️ Your message means so much to me.
        I tried my best. Went to a coffee shop and then bought something at a shop. I wasn’t able to do much more (browsing, etc, as I had wanted to do) because I’m fighting off flu. The same (flu) happened last year on the day, as well – the only time I get it. This has been the hardest day, after a very difficult year ~ in tears right now. But so appreciate your message.
        Will sit in garden with my cat Bestie now.
        [I’ve tried to get help/support all year, (and years before that) but the country I live in is in crisis, and people act out very strangely when under a generalised broader ‘threat’.]
        I’ll take your message with me. ?X

        • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
          Katie
          October 13, 2017

          So glad you did something on your birthday. It was just one day but I hope with Melanie’s support and those on this site you can use the celebration as “the very first day” of a future recovery. I’m sure next year’s birthday will then not involve being laid low with flu. I can’t think of a nicer treat than sitting in the garden with my cat, so it sounded a good day regardless of your low spirits! Good luck in the future, Katie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Carol,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      Please, please know those traumas, those soul sicknesses (and some of mine were truly “horrific” too) are ONLY energy – they are NOT Who We Really Are.

      If they scare us and we don’t go there to pick them up, load them up and release them then they stay embedded like a sickness in our subconscious – continuing to play out.

      But when we meet them fearlessly we discover (no matter how bad they feel in our body) that they are shadows, they are only fears and false demons – that can easily be met, loaded up and released – even though some of them are so big we feel them hugely when doing so … yet the relief, when they leave our body, is indescribable – and then the light can enter.

      Does this make sense? And please know we are here to support you in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member as you go through this process, ofde-toxing all that is NOT Who You Are … the fears and traumas that are stopping you (as they were all of us) from being well.

      Happy Birthday Carol and I wish you an amazing restart and rebirth on this day and every other.

      Mel xo

  • julescarter43@mail.com'
    Julie Carter
    October 11, 2017

    Wow, brilliant! I have felt disconnected and felt I never fit in with people for a lifetime. For many years I thought I was weird strange and that I was the only person that felt this way. I’ve had relationships with n arcs, fortunately I always managed to get away but then I had a debilitating feeling that somehow I was to blame for relationships not working out, that I was at fault for failings. My last relationship was on off for 2 and a half years, until I realised what this man was doing to me. In the beginning of our relationship I thought I’d finally found the one!! What a joke that turned out to be.. he was one of the biggest, lying cheating n arcs I had ever come across. Not long after I left him I found out I had breast cancer, he sent me a text saying good look with it, nothing else after that… I cannot believe how cold and empty narcissists are!!!it has certainly made me a much stronger person and I’m actually learning to love myself with a much greater understanding… im selfpartnered and free of cancer… I’m loving life………….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Julie,

      I am so pleased you are so much better and loving you and life.

      Bless you, Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
    Katie
    October 11, 2017

    Oh this resonated with me hugely. I’ve always thought it was just me that had problems liking people and trusting them. Thank you Melanie. My father abandoned mum and I when I was just 5 and we had real issues trying to find somewhere to live. Prospective landladies would look at me and say “no, not with her” and turn us away again and again, children not welcome! When mum found work with accommodation I had to be extra quiet and blend into the background as the people she cared for were elderly or ill.

    I couldn’t take kids home but when I did make friends I found I was made use of again and again, often being stood up for their other friends or made fun of for being different. We moved frequently and I went to a dozen schools so I was happier at home alone with my books, helping mum in the kitchen or exploring nature with my dog. As an adult I’ve also made sure I have jobs that are largely working alone, although I meet people at conferences and meetings. I’ve had so many experiences of not being wanted or being in the way at work and of course this has played out big time with my long term narc. For a long time he has been all I have.

    I’m a people pleaser so am devasted to be told by my narc that our friends can’t stand me and that’s why he visits them without me. They now don’t reply to my texts suggesting coming over for a meal or going out to an event. It’s difficult for me to improve my self esteem with this constant drip drip of not being good enough. Now I’m reading up about how narcs operate and I realise perhaps not everyone hates me or if they do they are being fed lies by my narc. It’s difficult to haul myself up and make changes. I feel like a rabbit in headlights at the moment, realising I need to move but not sure how! Or even knowing how to cope with what will be an onslaught of terrifying nastiness when I do try and move on. My narc has said he will ruin my career if I ever leave to the point that everyone I deal with at work will know how awful I’ve been at home and that I’ll need to move miles away and lose contact with everyone. He is all I have as my parents are dead and I have no family left. Friends are or have been ultra important. I have heart problems so am nervous of rocking the boat. I realise I will end up very alone and that sort of frightens me in that I’ve been caring for the narc for over three decades so have been alone but not alone all this time.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Katie,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you, and you are very welcome.

      Your situation is very difficult and my heart goes out to you – feeling as stuck right now as you do.

      Katie, I’d love you to come into, if you feel ready to, one of my free webinars … so that bit by bit you can learn how to get stronger on the inside amongst all of this.

      Have you been in one yet?

      Many people have investigated this with really good results whilst still being with an N.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Wishing you healing, strength and recovery of you.

      Mel xo

      • Cath.lloyd@btinternet.com'
        Katie
        October 13, 2017

        Thanks Mel. I’ve signed up for the full course but haven’t started it yet as I need to give myself time and privacy to take it all in. I’m very afraid that I’ll have a major reaction as the pennies drop and I realise who I really am! But you keep saying there are others on the site who can help in cases like this so I promise I’ll start next week when I finally have some free time. It’s amazing how fear of major change – and the fear of being loathed by so-called friends – stops personal healing. Thanks for the push to do something for me. It’s a lifetime overdue! I’m sure I speak for many others when I say how vital your presentations are and your very kind personal words. Thank you x

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          October 14, 2017

          Hi Katie,

          you are so welcome re the push …

          Honey, there truly is nothing else to do!

          You’ve got this 🙂

          Mel xo

  • Kellie.jann@gmail.com'
    Miraculous shifts happen
    October 11, 2017

    This video was the most helpful video I have seen for my healing. Thank you for sharing. I

    I can see myself in what you have shared, I have felt this way in my family, in my romantic relationships, in my home life, in group settings, at work and in my finances

    I have felt like a fish in a fishbowl, looking through the glass, not being able to join in, in practically all areas of my life.

    I have also used alcohol to feel not seperated from people and I can see clearly the people I have socialised with have felt the same way underneath.

    I can see clearly why life has mirrored experience back to me aligned with this hurtful thoughts I have held about not be included and being seperate.

    I have your program and the quantum healing audios. If there are an audios that specifically go straight to the root of healing this for once and for all would you please advise

    Lots of love and thanks for sharing it has been a great benefit to me

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi MSH,

      I am glad you enjoyed this.

      You certainly have resonated with this.

      MSH use Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module and target these feelings directly in your body. All you have to do is set the intention that you are targeting them – name what you are targeting and somewhere in your body will light up with that dense energy … and then you can start loading them up with NARP, releasing and replacing them.

      Then you will heal from them.

      I am so pleased this has helped, and you are very welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

      • Kellie.jann@gmail.com'
        Miracle Shift Happen
        October 12, 2017

        Thanks Mel 🙂

        I have read before like attracts like and every time I tried to see this with my ex (Narc) was repulsed and said I am not anything like him!

        I am starting to see that holding similar core beliefs can attract narc into your life

        The three core beliefs I can see after watching your video that I held and my ex are:

        I am not worthy of being included/connected in humanity

        I’m not interested in being included/connected in humanity

        I am on the outside of humanity looking in

        Even though we held the same beliefs it manifested behaviourly differently

        I did think he was the shelter of the storm (humanity)

        I think my deepest desire has always been to heal this within me but had no name or awareness of what this actually was. Thank you for shining the light on this! I have clarity about this now and I am willing to heal my beliefs and opinions about humanity.

        I will do the audio your recommended

        A specific program tailored to get to the heart of this issue would be great to take the healing to the next level!

        Much love and gratitude!!

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    October 12, 2017

    I can relate to this on so many levels! The childhood where all my only happy memories are about animals and being in nature – my tendency for the past 20 years to recluse in to nature or be alone to heal and feel safe from others, after destructive relationships. I can even see how my “best friend” all through childhood was in fact a narc also and swooped in on my to be my savior from being shy and fearful in starting a new school alone and I spent years under her wing.
    But the thing that was a truly Aha moment was when you said that that feeling of being on the outside looking in – alone – is exactly what the narc is feeling and therefore they see that vulnerability in you and swoop in on that – to be a dysfunctional duo together against the world in a bubble! I’m stunned by the synchronisity of your post and and how it relates to where i’m at and what I’m seeing lately in my current partner or ex-partner who I can’t seem to withdraw from fully. It taps in to to all my fears and insecurities and interestingly the only time I do have the courage to fully express who I am and relax with people is when have a big dose of healing and drawing power from being deep in nature. In the city, when opening emails such as one this morning about how elephants will be extinct in 10 years the way things are going – I get so disilusioned by humans and feel so cut off at times that i just want to go and live as a recluse in nature and take my son away from the modern world. But I deep down feel that he needs to learn to connect better than I ever did and I must heal and find my way to show him the way!
    A powerful post for empaths and narc survivors! Thank you Mel xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Sophie,

      I am so pleased this resonated and that you have the desire to heal this.

      Please know Sophie it is not our responsibility to heal others, we are here to live our authentic life … not fixing others, but allowing them to be whoever they choose to be while taking full responsibility for our own journey.

      If they rise up and join in, they are a part of our tribe and if not they were a wonderful growth opportunity for us to heal our souls.

      Sending many blessings and please know you are very welcome Sophie 🙂

      Mel xo

  • cmarekmatejka@gmail.com'
    Wildflower
    October 12, 2017

    Wow Melanie, just WOW! I’ve been starting work on this one massive wound and boy oh boy has it been RAW. I had to escape to a strange city and start my life over from scratch after fleeing literally for my life from my ex abuser. I’ve been waiting for you to post a new episode too! I ALWAYS receive the RIGHT email from you, EXACTLY when I need it! How do you know? Anyway, by the comments here I just want to say to EVERYONE here that I feel your presence with me today. Glad to know I have a community of others who have felt this pain since childhood. I wish we could all meet and just give one another a massive group hug. So, In my heart I send that out to everyone here. Love and peace to you all and may we find our way out of the darkness to the other side with Melanie’s help soon. Love and Peace and thank you Melanie for sticking with us ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Wildflower,

      that is lovely that we are in synch!

      I agree the Oneness we are all experiencing through this topic is so special 🙂

      Big HUGS all around!! Thank you for yours Wildflower, I am sure everyone feels it and sends one back (as I do!)

      So much love to you Wildflower.

      Mel xo

  • melanietoniaevanscom.20.chaecker@xoxy.net'
    Claudius
    October 12, 2017

    My narcissist made me believe we were morally better than all others. So I believed having friends and fun with them was bad. Now as a grown up I still have a lot to shift to get healthy relationships. Sometimes fear kicks in, especially when I am accused or tricked, making me easy prey. Thanks Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Claudius,

      You are welcome, and I wish you all the best healing in your journey home to your True Self.

      Mel xo

  • metalrabbit2004@gmail.com'
    Metal Rabbit
    October 12, 2017

    People vs oppressive system opposed on them. Still at that place and not ready to deal with the mainstream.

  • nhklamphere@gmail.com'
    Natalie
    October 12, 2017

    Omg…. this hit home deeply. I hate people don’t trust people. I am learning right now how to overcome this. I have decided that I am not dating because I don’t trust people. It amazes me how many people are in the same situation and how many narcissists are out there. I can’t thank you enough for this video as it is exactly what I am working on right now. So much truth. May we all heal.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Natalie,

      I am so pleased this resonated and that you wish to heal.

      Sending blessings and amazing healing wishes to you.

      Mel xo

  • a_maher@rocketmail.com'
    Amanda
    October 12, 2017

    Wow, Mel, of your many excellent videos, this has been the biggest AHA for me. I now love being among people, connected to them, vulnerable and trusting, where before I was isolated and felt I didn’t belong. I couldn’t understand human emotions, and would physically back away from a crying person rather than moving in close to comfort them. Now I can see it was the Holy Spirit healing me in this over the years because I never did make this unconscious belief conscious until seeing your video. I certainly never realized the role it played in being narcissistically abused, but now I can see it clearly.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Amanda,

      I am so pleased this was for you.

      Many blessings to you Dear Lady, and I am so pleased you love being with people now 🙂

      Mel xo

    • Kellie.jann@gmail.com'
      Miracle Shift Happen
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Amanda,

      I feel exactly the same! That this video has been an AHA and that I was lead to this for healing and I have been lead all my life to have this healed within me and I am grateful for the clarity and bring these beliefs up to conscious awareness.

      I pray for a miraculous shift and transformation for all of us!

  • jacquelinepepper@yahoo.co.uk'
    Jacqueline
    October 12, 2017

    Hi Melanie. Thank you for your video. After suffering two narcissists over a 20 year period I found your website. As soon as I realised what I was dealing with I waited till the very next time the narcissist left and shut the door on the relationship. I immediately purchased your NARP Programme. It’s been nearly two years and I can honestly say I now have a lovely life that I love. I still enjoy watching your videos knowing that you are helping others to get to the point of enjoying life again. Thank you again for your wonderful work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 12, 2017

      Hi Jacqueline,

      it’s my pleasure.

      That is wonderful you have come so far 🙂 I am so happy for you!

      Thank you, sweetheart and you are very welcome.

      Mel xo

      • jacquelinepepper@yahoo.co.uk'
        Jacqueline Pepper
        October 13, 2017

        I will be honest Mel. A couple of months after getting your NARP programme I had my finger over the delete button ready to put it in the trash bin. I didn’t think it was working. I couldn’t delete it. Your words were ringing in my head. There’s nothing else to do. I carried on and I got my breakthrough. I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I had deleted it that day. If any of your NARP members feel this way PLEASE continue. It does work.

  • jennysherrell@gmail.com'
    Jenny
    October 12, 2017

    This belief system was what kept me in narcissist abuse for years – only now am I doing what you woke up to at a much younger age. I’m starting with church groups; and I’m meeting so many genuinely interesting people – some nice, some not so nice – but the whole experience of knowing people and being able to accept them without judgment or fear is thrilling. I have stayed in the narcissistic relationship and for some reason have needed to see it through to the end of the line. I really had to see for myself what was true once I stopped all the hurt crashing around in my head and heart. Now I can sit back and almost objectively watch him doing it to me. He’s still living in part of the house while we work out divorce arrangements – he still helps me in tight situations – to a point and then he has to do something really mean and waits for a reaction. I make sure there is no reaction. It’s still hard to reconcile that the very type of person I feared most in the world – I married. But as you said, we’re here in life for the journey – and yes it’s been hard – Obviously we’ve needed to learn quite a lot in this lifetime; but look how far we’ve come. Your videos catch me at every stage of my awareness – thank you so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Jenny,

      that is so wonderful that you are expanding and connecting now, and that it is thrilling.

      I wish you all the best for your amazing journey ahead.

      Mel xo

  • Pennylh@comcast.net'
    Loupe
    October 12, 2017

    Thank you so much for this one Melanie. I joined Narp in May and have done so much healing but at the deepest core of my being the aloneness and fear of deeply connecting with other adults has always been at issue for me. I grew up with an abusive father and passive aggressive mother. As a child I was told that I was a peon and not as good as other people. I felt inadequate and scared of my own shadow as a child and then as a teenager tried to get notice from others–in positive ways but nonetheless always needing to overachieve and constantly seeking outside approval in order to feel okay about me. There have been times when I have questioned whether or not I even had a personality as I had no idea who I really was. I allowed relationship partners to completely take over my life because I didn’t feel that I could trust myself to do that for me. This is amazing considering that I have worked for years in the helping professions and have had so much compassion for others. Now I own my own business and am the primary salesperson for the business. It has not been easy feeling strong and confident when for so long I’ve felt weak and uncertain. For so much of my life I genuinely liked people but feared them because I thought they knew more than I did about most everything…that there is an important ingredient I was missing. There has been a missing ingredient and that is ME. I am getting there and feel more alive and aware of me every day. Thank you for your insight, knowledge and courage to put yourself out there for all of us to learn from. You are inspiring and your program is truly a blessing.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Loupe,

      you are very welcome.

      It is so incredible how so many of us were healers yet feeling so lost within ourselves … I am sure many people Loupe can relate to what you are saying.

      I am so happy for you that you are connecting to, healing and stepping into YOU, and I am so pleased NARP is helping you so much with that.

      Thank you for your lovely, kind words Loupe, bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Maincamp@outlook.com'
    Emma
    October 12, 2017

    Thankyou Melanie, this resonates so deeply!!
    I hope also one day to become a thriver, I have a question as an adult child of two narrcistic parents, I also have gone on to marry an extremely violent narrcistic man whom I spent many years with, I eventually left & spent a long time single, I am now remarried to a wonderful kind man who adores me,, my question is have indirectly repeated the same behaviour, I’m sure his designated role within his family is that of the scape goat, he has never been married befor & only had casual relationships which his family were fine with,, I’m puzzled as from day one they have been really awful to me with no reason,, & we have both asked repeatedly why they are so hostile to no avail, we have been married for four years now & it is at the point we have no contact at all with them, but it seems to have spread through our small community as people we previously had relationships with have also started to shun us,, it feels like you can’t fight what you can’t see, my husband just ignores it however I now find myself avoiding going out socially because of this,, any suggestions on how to cope I would be most grateful for.
    Thankyou

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Emma,

      I am so pleased it had.

      Emma, so much of our programs and inner traumas that are cogenerating (without us realising) “so within so without” can be unconscious.

      For example, my persecution programs and people turning against me used to show up literally “everywhere” I was.

      It was, of course, The Field reflecting back to me (through the most incredible ways) the evidence of my still existing internal trauma.

      We can never “change” anything that is going on with other people Emma, but when we change our Inner Programs and then everything on the outside changes. We start co-generating warm and authentic relationships and the people who don’t have the capacity to healthy start to not enter our experience.

      So it all does come back to the inner work – which is what the NARP Program is http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • Maincamp@outlook.com'
        Emma
        October 13, 2017

        God bless you & your important work, I am Australian & there is very little awareness here, you are a guiding light to be sure
        Xx

  • martin.issima@hotmail.it'
    Lady Jedi
    October 12, 2017

    I can’t say I never liked humanity, more like humanity never liked me!
    But in the end the result is the same: the fishing bowl syndrome and not belonging and feeling you can’t trust.
    It is funny the timing of this video, because for the first time in my life I am feeling at times that I don’t like people and the feeling of not belonging has shifted from trying to people please in order be liked and to belong, to “I don’t want to be part of it”. I try (and have tried) all my life to understand the oppressor, to have compassion and empathy, and always ended betrayed and losing myself. So I can’t get myself to do it anymore. I’ve gone from too tolerant to slightly intolerant. I am looking for a new balance in my boundaries, because I understand this other extreme is not a healthy standpoint to connect. Some days I feel like I am getting better with this, in my daily life; but other days are tough. The core belief for me is that I have to lose or compromise myself to belong. And I obviously don’t want to choose between wholeness and connection, because I want both. But for some reasons, I feel like I can’t have both. I remember a page of my journal when I was 8 years old saying: I like myself as I am, but people won’t like this. It seems like I never truly got over this and yes, you are 100%, I also always thought this was narcissistic abuse hook n.1 !
    Hugs Mel xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Lady Jedi,

      yes the result is the same!

      It’s fabulous that you are naming the core beliefs, they are the ones to shift, including “I cant have wholeness and connection together”

      When you shift that you will be able to have both. When it feels “normal” in your body is when it will organically be in your life. It is the same with all these confusing conflicting beliefs LJ!

      You just need to stop trying to exist with them and just shift them – truly Sweet Lady.

      I can sound too straightforward, yet it is the truth – I know it so well because I have lived it, and I know that you will break through too.

      Mel xo

  • beckylucypereira@gmail.com'
    Becky
    October 12, 2017

    Thank you Melanie so, so much for this- I can’t begin to tell you what this means to me to actually hear you talking about this! I’ve been using the NARP programme for two years and have managed to break free of a very abusive relationship. Still working on breaking free of toxic family connections and you so hit the nail on the head when you talk about this being the biggest hook. All the narcissists in my life have used the same tactic to constantly judge and shame me for ‘Having no friends’, ‘Nobody likes you’, ‘You have no social life”Whats wrong with you’. They seem to see friendships, connections,and relationships as status symbols, the more the better. Even if most of these are not genuine connections, it’s hard to shift the illusion sometimes that ‘being popular makes you the better person’. It has been my biggest wound and shame trigger. And i believe that i accepted so much abuse because i believed that I was so inadequate and different and unacceptable because i was isolated from others.

    This has been my life story, all of it, every single part. I have been experiencing the terror of people and the state of the world my entire life since childhood and only feeling safe or belonging in nature and amongst plants and animals and being around their energy. I have always longed for honest connection with others, but had just been so hurt through all connections, first in a narcissistic family, then cruel school and work environments that I escaped all of this with alcohol and substances for many years in my teens and 20’s. And after the last narc relationship I became almost a complete hermit, just hiding from life!

    I have really felt a shift recently though and felt a lot more hopeful and open to life and others, I truly believe there is a purpose to all of this, if we can love ourselves just as we are, wherever we are in life, whatever anyone else says, then life will agree and love us back and support us. 🙂

    Thank you so much x x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Becky,

      I am so pleased that this was BIG for you.

      That is wonderful that NARP has helped you so much and that you are feeling a shift toward connection.

      Your words are very wise, loving and profound Becky you are so on your way!!

      Mel xo

  • hannah.woolhouse@gmail.com'
    Hannah Woolhouse
    October 12, 2017

    Dear Melanie

    I completely identify with what you talk about in this video, it has been my lifelong experience.

    From the beginning I was trained to believe I could cope with anything and to have no emotions, to not know myself.

    I was married to a man who for his own reasons needed to control everything in his life, eventually and sadly our marriage came to an end as I could not cope with the physical feelings and illness this induced in me and which I now realise were ancient emotions resurfacing and requiring to be dealt with.

    In fact I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire – I went straight into a relationship with a narcissist; at the time I did’t even know such a thing existed. In addition I was (and still am) living in a foreign country and so we didn’t share the same mother tongue. Although I speak his language extremely well this made gas-lighting an easy task for him! I spent years in dissociation, feeling seasick and in the densest fog. Ironically it was my early training that I could “cope” which kept me going – I employed a strategy of resistance. I continued to pursue spiritual development which has been an interest since my teenage years (and which infuriated the narcissist). With the help of my younger son – who to my great shame had also suffered the abuse during 10 years – I finally managed to get the narcissist out of MY house a year ago – of course he did NOT want to leave.

    Until I discovered NARP in early September and started the work, I was on a plateau; low level depression, inability to move on, completely stuck and wondering what I needed to get my life going again. Your work has helped me to “know” may things which my years of personal development had brought me to understand intellectually, but still not integrate. I’m getting on quite well with forgiving myself using Module 3 of NARP. Module 10 is another favourite of mine.

    I must say I think what you do is extraordinary. It has given me hope that a better life is possible. You are right that it takes work, I can manage to do one session (a Module) per day. I’m struggling with impatience however and would like to do more to get better more quickly!! I feel I’ve wasted so much time, although I know it needed the time it took and that’s just the way it is. I need to try and make some money and deal with selling my house at the same time as working on myself (putting myself first is SO hard). Little things are falling into place and friends are noticing differences in me so I know I’m on the right track thanks to your truly excellent guidance which accords with many of the things I have always instinctively felt.

    “Marvellous Melanie” thank you so much,
    With love from Hannah

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Hannah,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you, and that your NARP work has allowed you to get past informational learning to transforming your Inner Being.

      Hannah, you are doing so well, and know it is unfolding perfectly and remember to love yourself right now. You have ABSOLUTELY got this!

      It’s my pleasure Hannah and sending many blessings to you Dear Lady!

      Much love to you too.

      Mel xo

  • annakulpa@hotmail.com'
    Anna
    October 12, 2017

    Hi Melanie, I’m sorry your ‘secret’ caused you to feel so much shame. Thanks so much for sharing. There seems nothing shameful about how you felt, just honest & human. Thanks so much for continuing to share your experiences and help me keep looking within for the answers and healing. I’m moving forward, but it can be easy to drift back into getting obsessed with ‘what they did to me’ again.
    Personally, I feel most shame for allowing people to continue mistreating me. Hopefully I can also heal this and keep moving towards the light and freedom!
    Bless you
    Thanks
    Anna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 13, 2017

      Hi Anna,

      “shame” truly was my middle name! (Regarding MANY things)

      Thank you for your lovely words, and I know you too will break free and Thrive.

      We all can and will. We are here to do that!

      Mel xo

  • bollywoodsextoy@gmail.com'
    Sandy
    October 12, 2017

    Thanks so much for sharing

  • f.vandyck@hotmail.com'
    ferre
    October 13, 2017

    Thanks Melanie,

    Your words are very familiar to me!

    I evolved quite a bit on my NARP journey. But something was lacking and that was the connection with other people.
    Untill now i was trying to cope with living like that but now it’s clear to me what direction i need to head…

    Since a couple of weeks things having been directing me this way and your video came at the right time and the right moment…

    Thanks a lot

  • w.andreass@hotmail.com'
    Curious
    October 13, 2017

    Thank you for sharing your very personal and difficult story, Mel.
    Lots of love to you!

  • pginaf@gmail.com'
    Daphne
    October 13, 2017

    Thank you so much for sharing Melanie!

    As with the rest of us, this is so timely and so relevant for me..

    No wonder losing the N felt so devastating every time, as I was losing the only sense of belonging I have ever known (the shared ‘connection’ based on mistrust and misanthropy).

    What a tough journey our souls have chosen, sometimes I get overwhelmed and hopeless (does the shift in belief truly happen?), but thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability, your stories, and for being our light. <3

    Daphne

  • loreleew@telus.net'
    Lorelee
    October 14, 2017

    As with so many others who have commented here, this story was my story. I just never thought I would ever feel connected to others and when I tried to talk to others about this narc abuse, I could tell it just made them uncomfortable so I stopped talking and really felt alone. Because of what you’ve said here and how much change I’ve experienced in the last month by doing the modules, I now see that it is possible I will feel like I belong. I’m really seeing the shift from powerlessness to looking forward to the future. I’ve even started singing and dancing again. *I just noticed in the first sentence, I said this story “was” my story instead of “is” my story! I am confident that this whole experience will lead me to living more authentically and, dare I hope, learn to love myself. Yes, I believe that will happen. Thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 14, 2017

      Hi Lorelee,

      that is so beautiful that you are now healing toward connection with you, life and others.

      I am SO happy for you!

      Mel xo

  • Vanikabansal@gmail.com'
    VB
    October 15, 2017

    Oh my god!i can’t believe it..that’s my life story..I am so emotional after watching this and well during it too..I had to keep pausing to process it..I thought I was weird and strange all my life..felt like I didn’t belong..like my parents on another planet abandoned me here as a punishment or something..I would spend long hours hiding literally in the “closet” of my room & kept all my toys there to play with..it was my safe haven till I got too big to stay in there :), then I had to step out..everything felt so brutal outside..plants and animals were the only things that kept me rooted and motivated to stay on this planet.
    this video is awesome beyond what words can express.
    Melanie this stuff that you’re doing for the world is just magnificent..a true guiding light in this vastness..helping people like me get their power back is just an awesome mission..
    I hope I find my calling soon too..I am still recovering from the thick traumatic fog that abuse creates..but I am in my power and centred..and healing everyday more and more with NARP.
    Can’t thank you enough..
    Much love to you and beautiful sweet tiggy
    V

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 15, 2017

      Hi VB,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you, and can help.

      And Dear Lady that you are healing with NARP.

      Tiggy and I send you much love back sweetheart.

      Mel xo

  • jennifer.dugena@gmail.com'
    jjd
    October 17, 2017

    Hi Mel!

    I would just like to say that I had and still have this issue too at times but I try to manage it the best way that I can. Ive been studying special education masters and I discovered I may have female aspergers. I havent been diagnosed but the female aspergers characteristics I saw online fit my experience. It’s the naivete and inability to read body language combined with also what you described Mel that having no one makes it easy to latch onto someone not good for us. And the attachment issues aspergers females have also. This is new to me so Im taking this lightly yet I feel i need to explore this more.

    I am into online dating now and Im not sure if online dating makes it easier to know who someone really is. Im wary now and so take note of what men say when they talk to me that sometimes I wonder if Im being too overanalytical or if Im just being rational.

    I now bolt out when I see red flags. The greatest mistake I had with the narc ex i Had was that I didnt listen when he told me the truth, but when he told lies I believed him. He told me ‘ he was not good for me’ I dismissed this but he was actually right. When he told me lies that he loved me, I believed him when I shouldnt have.

    Now I believe what someone says to me. I dated online a guy who said he is mean to people who are rude to him. when i asked how is he mean, he said he makes people feel stupid. I bolted out and considered this as “if people tell you who they are, believe them” moment. Though I did ask if hed be mean to me if I was in a bad mood and was rude to him, he said no, but hed tell me if i were rude. Still I didnt feel good continuing. Though I did like him, he was funny. Yet I felt conflicted if I continued.

    Mel, how would I know if Im being too oversenstive or reading too much into anything or if Im just being choosy and my fear is stopping me from being in a relationship? Im confused.

    Thank you very much Mel! I always recommend your blog and NARP to anyone who needs it!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2017

      Hi jjd,

      first of all, I would really like to say, that I believe so many of our conditions are created via traumas that have embedded inside us, and that when we take our focus off the condition and go inwards to the trauma to tackle that – then the condition simply melts away.

      That has been my experience totally with my personal so-called incurable mental and physical conditions, as well as what I have seen happen with so many members of this Community.

      In regard to on-line dating – people can wear a mask in any capacity in life … what is important is that we show up as an authentic self, in our bodies healthily and then what is “real” will unfold.

      I have done quite a few resources regarding dating – which I think may help. If you google my name + dating you will see them.

      Also jjd check out the “Trust” material I have written.

      Keep going, keep healing. And keep shifting out the confusion and fears, and the organic True You will KNOW how to show up and generate wholesomeness.

      Mel xo

  • Kitmoloney@gmail.com'
    KItty
    October 19, 2017

    Hi Mel
    Thank you so much for this video, this is how I’ve felt my whole life! Since doing QFH I’ve shifted a lot around an ancient memory I have about being in-prisoned. I can see the dark room the straw on the floor, I’m 12 years old, filthy dirty with my arms tied behind my back. The pain is in my shoulders. The person who has locked me up is known to me, I think it’s a Jesuit priest. I know this might read crazy to people but listening to your video I just had to share it. I hope you don’t mind. I’m working hard on letting this ancient memory go. It lives deep within me and makes trust so hard for me. But I am shifting it, I will keep going, I’ve gained so much already from shifting.
    I see now how the conflicts I have with people are happening because of my lack of trust, I’m generating them. Only today I was feeling different in work I wanted to run away. Last night I told my husband I want to leave my job and move to the countryside and write fiction. Your video timing is quite incredible. Maybe I need to stay and try and generate positive relationships at work.. I just want to say thank you for this video and for QFH. I’ve done years of therapy, anti anxiety pills, the lot before this. But QFH is giving me the confidence to let go of all the barriers I’ve put up against people in my life. It’s letting me peel off the layers.
    My narc mum could make me feel special, better than everyone.. that was such a hook. She’d hook you in and then bitch about the other members of the family, she kept us all isolated only connected to her. This is totally the hook. She was always criticising others, how weak and untrustworthy they were…I see her very little now, anytime I do she’s nice for a while but then lashes out with something nasty, poor woman is so insecure she can’t stop herself, I don’t hate her.
    Thank you so much for the amazing gifts you give me all the time, this video and the modules hold my hand and are bringing me out of the darkness into a beautiful warm light,
    Much love K xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2017

      HI Kitty,

      you are so welcome.

      No Dear Lady I don’t mind you sharing this – because past Life trauma (and also ancestral acquired epigenetic trauma) is responsible for so much.

      I am so pleased you are freeing your incredible light from under the trauma of what you have experienced, and I’m honoured I can help Kitty!

      Sending much love and blessings to you.

      Mel xo

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