Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Break The Narcissist’s Conditioning – Part 1

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
229
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
229
  If you've been through a relationship with a narcissist or toxic person there's no doubt you have had the experience of becoming someone you don't know anymore. After spending months, years or even decades with your rights, feelings, and thoughts being suppressed, you have no choice but to submerge your identity, dreams, and goals and become whatever you need to be in order to survive. Which is usually a severely diminished person who has shut off their own life-force. And … even after getting out of the narcissistic relationship, as a result of finally leaving or because you have eventually been discarded for good, you are likely to still feel like you are stuck in a cage of painful feelings and fears. (more…)

 

If you’ve been through a relationship with a narcissist or toxic person there’s no doubt you have had the experience of becoming someone you don’t know anymore.

After spending months, years or even decades with your rights, feelings, and thoughts being suppressed, you have no choice but to submerge your identity, dreams, and goals and become whatever you need to be in order to survive.

Which is usually a severely diminished person who has shut off their own life-force.

And … even after getting out of the narcissistic relationship, as a result of finally leaving or because you have eventually been discarded for good, you are likely to still feel like you are stuck in a cage of painful feelings and fears.

What To Do When You’re Alienated From Your Child

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
65
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
65
  I really wanted to do an episode on this oh so painful topic, because I know tragically many of you are suffering alienation from your children, because of the narcissist in your life. This person may be a spouse, an ex-partner, a family member or really any narcissist at all. Maybe your children have become cold towards you and closer to the narcissist. Or, possibly things have escalated to the point where you are receiving your children's silence or disapproval – accusing you of being and doing things that aren’t even true. Maybe you don’t even have a reason for why your child is pulling away, and know untrue things must have been said. (more…)

 

I really wanted to do an episode on this oh so painful topic, because I know tragically many of you are suffering alienation from your children, because of the narcissist in your life.

This person may be a spouse, an ex-partner, a family member or really any narcissist at all.

Maybe your children have become cold towards you and closer to the narcissist.

Or, possibly things have escalated to the point where you are receiving your children’s silence or disapproval – accusing you of being and doing things that aren’t even true.

Maybe you don’t even have a reason for why your child is pulling away, and know untrue things must have been said.

When The Narcissist Makes You Out To Be The Crazy One

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
92
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
92
  If you've been in a narcissistic relationship it's very likely you've heard the following words... Look at you, you are crazy!’ You need professional help! Everyone else can see it but you! The thing is, when you a wrapped up in a toxic relationship you are LOSING your mind. You do feel despair, rage, confusion and panic … regularly. You are triggered into feelings and reactions that you didn’t even know you were capable of. (more…)

 

If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship it’s very likely you’ve heard the following words…

Look at you, you are crazy!’

You need professional help!

Everyone else can see it but you!

The thing is, when you a wrapped up in a toxic relationship you are LOSING your mind. You do feel despair, rage, confusion and panic … regularly.

You are triggered into feelings and reactions that you didn’t even know you were capable of.

5 Steps To Dealing With Narcissists In Difficult Situations

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
68
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
68
  Trying to deal with a narcissist, challenges every fiber of your Being. If you've tried to manage a narcissist in a difficult situation, you know you're triggered beyond the point of ridiculous - struggling to be heard and unable to create sense out of the madness. All whilst the narcissist dances around you tearing up your efforts, emotions, and sanity. By this stage, you've tragically discovered the normal rules of human engagement don’t apply – rather it's all about the narcissist doing whatever is necessary for them to get their own way. So how CAN you deal with someone who has NO INTENTION of complying, playing team or doing the right thing? (more…)

 

Trying to deal with a narcissist, challenges every fiber of your Being.

If you’ve tried to manage a narcissist in a difficult situation, you know you’re triggered beyond the point of ridiculous – struggling to be heard and unable to create sense out of the madness.

All whilst the narcissist dances around you tearing up your efforts, emotions, and sanity.

By this stage, you’ve tragically discovered the normal rules of human engagement don’t apply – rather it’s all about the narcissist doing whatever is necessary for them to get their own way.

So how CAN you deal with someone who has NO INTENTION of complying, playing team or doing the right thing?

Why I No Longer Get Triggered By Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
46
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
46
  Being triggered by narcissists is excruciatingly painful. And … the narcissist doesn’t even have to be in your life. It can be the horror of a bomb going off inside you when you see something that reminds you of them. Or, talking to someone about what you've been through. And, of course, there is the threat that you could bump into the narcissist, or heaven forbid come up against another narcissist in your life somewhere in the future. (more…)

 

Being triggered by narcissists is excruciatingly painful.

And … the narcissist doesn’t even have to be in your life.

It can be the horror of a bomb going off inside you when you see something that reminds you of them.

Or, talking to someone about what you’ve been through.

And, of course, there is the threat that you could bump into the narcissist, or heaven forbid come up against another narcissist in your life somewhere in the future.

How To Speak Up Without Fear Of C.R.A.P

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
75
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
75
  Do you relate to feeling like you don't have any rights regarding you opinions, values or needs? Perhaps this has made it very uncomfortable for you to speak up in your relationships. If so, it's also likely that you've experienced first hand, being silenced, invalidated or abandoned when you've tried to speak up. Maybe, you were made to feel wrong or defective for attempting to assert your rights. Or perhaps the fear was so intense it literally felt like this for you: If I speak up I’m going to get hurt, REALLY hurt. … or maybe even annihilated. (more…)

 

Do you relate to feeling like you don’t have any rights regarding you opinions, values or needs?

Perhaps this has made it very uncomfortable for you to speak up in your relationships.

If so, it’s also likely that you’ve experienced first hand, being silenced, invalidated or abandoned when you’ve tried to speak up.

Maybe, you were made to feel wrong or defective for attempting to assert your rights.

Or perhaps the fear was so intense it literally felt like this for you: If I speak up I’m going to get hurt, REALLY hurt. … or maybe even annihilated.

What Is The Fate Of A Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
103
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
103
  I know how shocking it feels to see a narcissist get away with it. Here you are traumatised, and shredded bare of your health, happiness, and resources ... and the narcissist is prancing off into the sunset with their brand new life as if you never existed. Naturally, it is beyond devastating to believe maybe there isn’t a compassionate Creator or a healthy natural order of things. Are we really in an upside-down universe, where bad people and bad behaviour are rewarded and it’s the good people who get hurt and destroyed? Do narcissists get to live out the rest of their days, destroying lives, without ever being rebuked or karma serving them their just deserts? (more…)

 

I know how shocking it feels to see a narcissist get away with it.

Here you are traumatised, and shredded bare of your health, happiness, and resources … and the narcissist is prancing off into the sunset with their brand new life as if you never existed.

Naturally, it is beyond devastating to believe maybe there isn’t a compassionate Creator or a healthy natural order of things.

Are we really in an upside-down universe, where bad people and bad behaviour are rewarded and it’s the good people who get hurt and destroyed?

Do narcissists get to live out the rest of their days, destroying lives, without ever being rebuked or karma serving them their just deserts?

Losing Your Best Years To Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
103
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
103
  It's nothing short of devastating to end a relationship with a narcissist and feel like your "best years" are behind you. I truly can’t tell you how often people have shared with me the terrible trauma of losing the best years of their life to a narcissist. Things like: “I gave up my career to support the narcissist and now its too late for me to reclaim those years and opportunities” ... and … “The narcissist dangled the possibility of children constantly, and now I’m too old to have them” … and …. (more…)

 

It’s nothing short of devastating to end a relationship with a narcissist and feel like your “best years” are behind you.

I truly can’t tell you how often people have shared with me the terrible trauma of losing the best years of their life to a narcissist.

Things like:

“I gave up my career to support the narcissist and now its too late for me to reclaim those years and opportunities” … and …

“The narcissist dangled the possibility of children constantly, and now I’m too old to have them” … and ….

Should You Make A Narcissist Pay?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
117
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
117
  There are SO many things narcissists do which are totally out of bounds! They lie and betray us to family and friends, work colleagues and bosses. They try to get us taken down by authorities, potentially destroying our incomes, mental functioning and any future ability to generate our lives. The narcissist’s abuse may have destroyed not just our connections and our welfare, but also our health … you may now have so many chronic health conditions that it takes everything to merely survive your everyday existence. And, we believing this person loved us, as they were telling us what we wanted to hear, whilst taking our resources, energy, time, money, souls, sexuality and best years, in order to maintain their own egos. (more…)

 

There are SO many things narcissists do which are totally out of bounds!

They lie and betray us to family and friends, work colleagues and bosses.

They try to get us taken down by authorities, potentially destroying our incomes, mental functioning and any future ability to generate our lives.

The narcissist’s abuse may have destroyed not just our connections and our welfare, but also our health … you may now have so many chronic health conditions that it takes everything to merely survive your everyday existence.

And, we believing this person loved us, as they were telling us what we wanted to hear, whilst taking our resources, energy, time, money, souls, sexuality and best years, in order to maintain their own egos.

The Right Time To Start Dating Again – Love After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
129
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
129
  The question on so many people’s lips, in this community, is: “How do I know when I am ready to date again?” After narcissistic abuse, naturally, you may feel terrified about putting yourself out there – and why wouldn’t you? There is no way KNOWN any of us ever want to run the risk of being with another narcissist. Even after doing a lot of inner work, you may not be 100% sure that you are ready … or maybe you are not sure HOW to get ready. And … maybe it’s years since you dated, or maybe you never even really dated and don’t know how to do it successfully. (I certainly didn’t until I learnt how to!) (more…)

 

The question on so many people’s lips, in this community, is: “How do I know when I am ready to date again?”

After narcissistic abuse, naturally, you may feel terrified about putting yourself out there – and why wouldn’t you? There is no way KNOWN any of us ever want to run the risk of being with another narcissist.

Even after doing a lot of inner work, you may not be 100% sure that you are ready … or maybe you are not sure HOW to get ready.

And … maybe it’s years since you dated, or maybe you never even really dated and don’t know how to do it successfully. (I certainly didn’t until I learnt how to!)