Melanie Tonia Evans

The Day I Broke No Contact

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
183
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
183
  Today, I  want to share with you my candid story about what happened when I contacted narcissist number 1 after ONE YEAR of No Contact. At the time, I felt like a year of the white-knuckling agony – the effort and supreme will-power to stay away – had all been for nothing. Which plummeted me into the absolute depths of despair – a deep black hole I believed there was no escape from. Yet … I got out of that terrible place, and I was able to claim the wonderful experiences of life and love that I hadn’t yet known were possible. (more…)

 

Today, I  want to share with you my candid story about what happened when I contacted narcissist number 1 after ONE YEAR of No Contact.

At the time, I felt like a year of the white-knuckling agony – the effort and supreme will-power to stay away – had all been for nothing.

Which plummeted me into the absolute depths of despair – a deep black hole I believed there was no escape from.

Yet … I got out of that terrible place, and I was able to claim the wonderful experiences of life and love that I hadn’t yet known were possible.

What Really Causes Narcissism?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
113
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
113
  How are narcissists, the people who have no empathy and the capacity to operate in conscienceless and malicious ways, created? Is it nature or nurture, or is it both? Is it due to abusive or neglectful parenting, or is it a roll of God’s dice? What are the ways to stop it happening, or to reverse it? There is a huge amount of consensus about whether or not narcissism is created by parents being abusive and neglectful, or as a result of them spoiling the child and constantly re-affirming how special this child is. (more…)

 

How are narcissists, the people who have no empathy and the capacity to operate in conscienceless and malicious ways, created?

Is it nature or nurture, or is it both?

Is it due to abusive or neglectful parenting, or is it a roll of God’s dice?

What are the ways to stop it happening, or to reverse it?

There is a huge amount of consensus about whether or not narcissism is created by parents being abusive and neglectful, or as a result of them spoiling the child and constantly re-affirming how special this child is.

Parallel Parenting – The Evolutionary Way To Co-Parent With A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
106
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
106
  If you are currently co-parenting with a narcissist, my heart goes out to you. I read countless stories every day from people in this community who are experiencing the daily frustrations, twist and turns, insanity and gut-wrenching nastiness that goes with trying to co-parent with a narcissist. You may constantly be worried about how your children are being treated, including if the narcissist is poisoning them against you, or WORSE ... if they are turning your child into a narcissist. And it can be beyond horrible for your children caught in the middle, seeing your distress and pain and witnessing the conflicts between their parents. (more…)

 

If you are currently co-parenting with a narcissist, my heart goes out to you.

I read countless stories every day from people in this community who are experiencing the daily frustrations, twist and turns, insanity and gut-wrenching nastiness that goes with trying to co-parent with a narcissist.

You may constantly be worried about how your children are being treated, including if the narcissist is poisoning them against you, or WORSE … if they are turning your child into a narcissist.

And it can be beyond horrible for your children caught in the middle, seeing your distress and pain and witnessing the conflicts between their parents.

How Covert Narcissist Lure Empaths As Their Victims

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
270
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
270
  Covert narcissists are amongst the sneakiest, most dangerous narcissists of all because they operate like stealth bombers. You know something is wrong with the way they behave and how you feel – but you just can’t quite put your finger on it. Being connected with a covert narcissist is no less than experiencing psychological warfare, as you find yourself being turned in circles – and knots – eventually barely even knowing what is UP or DOWN. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it would be usual for you to feel incredibly unsafe and on edge, and to start checking up, investigating him or her, and feeling like you are losing your mind. (more…)

 

Covert narcissists are amongst the sneakiest, most dangerous narcissists of all because they operate like stealth bombers.

You know something is wrong with the way they behave and how you feel – but you just can’t quite put your finger on it.

Being connected with a covert narcissist is no less than experiencing psychological warfare, as you find yourself being turned in circles – and knots – eventually barely even knowing what is UP or DOWN.

If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it would be usual for you to feel incredibly unsafe and on edge, and to start checking up, investigating him or her, and feeling like you are losing your mind.

How To Find Closure When A Narcissist Discards You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
287
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
287
  Is there anything more painful than being discarded? Have you felt, or are you feeling that TERRIBLE feeling … when you are curled up in the corner after being deserted by someone you believed loved you … thinking this: “I am NOT wanted”? That’s painful enough in a normal relationship! And when we are discarded by a NARCISSIST, the trauma is amplified significantly, because it is not their intention to let you get on with having a happy, healthy life after leaving you. (more…)

 

Is there anything more painful than being discarded?

Have you felt, or are you feeling that TERRIBLE feeling … when you are curled up in the corner after being deserted by someone you believed loved you … thinking this:

“I am NOT wanted”?

That’s painful enough in a normal relationship! And when we are discarded by a NARCISSIST, the trauma is amplified significantly, because it is not their intention to let you get on with having a happy, healthy life after leaving you.

My Favourite Way To Set Boundaries That Stick

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
105
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
105
  Setting boundaries can be incredibly confusing and sometimes even terrifying. What if you’re unclear about your personal rights? Or, are susceptible to being talked out of them? How on earth do you get people to respect your boundaries – even if you can identify them and express them? Is it possible to lay boundaries, not get sucked into arguments about them, and just have them stick? (more…)

 

Setting boundaries can be incredibly confusing and sometimes even terrifying.

What if you’re unclear about your personal rights?

Or, are susceptible to being talked out of them?

How on earth do you get people to respect your boundaries – even if you can identify them and express them?

Is it possible to lay boundaries, not get sucked into arguments about them, and just have them stick?

How To Stop A Narcissist From Hurting You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
146
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
146
  I know all too well how difficult it can be to go through a tirade of narcissistic punishment. When the narcissist's mask drops, it's like being in the middle of your own horror story with the exits closed. You are face to face with brutal verbal, emotional, and maybe even physical punishment. Your head is spinning, and you can barely breathe, with the threats, words and actions that are happening which are so cruel and vicious. (more…)

 

I know all too well how difficult it can be to go through a tirade of narcissistic punishment.

When the narcissist’s mask drops, it’s like being in the middle of your own horror story with the exits closed.

You are face to face with brutal verbal, emotional, and maybe even physical punishment.

Your head is spinning, and you can barely breathe, with the threats, words and actions that are happening which are so cruel and vicious.

Love After Narcissistic Abuse – How To Stop Attracting Toxic People

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
49
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
49
  First off I want to wish you a happy Valentine's day. And I know, many of you may be doing it tough ... this day can be a very painful one in this community. (Big hugs to you if that is the case.) And that is what today's Thriver TV episode is all about ... breaking through so that NEXT Valentine's Day (if this one isn't already) will be beautiful and amazing for you. I really love this topic for Valentine’s day – its big, it's juicy and it's life-changing. (more…)

 

First off I want to wish you a happy Valentine’s day.

And I know, many of you may be doing it tough … this day can be a very painful one in this community.

(Big hugs to you if that is the case.)

And that is what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about … breaking through so that NEXT Valentine’s Day (if this one isn’t already) will be beautiful and amazing for you.

I really love this topic for Valentine’s day – its big, it’s juicy and it’s life-changing.

How To Be Hoover Proof This Valentine’s Day

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
49
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
49
  Valentine’s Day can be a very traumatic and painful time for many people in this community. From my experience, it's a narcissist's favourite time to hoover. And naturally, if we are still reeling in the pain and confusion of being originally adored, and then devalued and discarded, we may hope we'll be able to resist a narcissistic hoover attempt. But can we? It is SO much easier said than done! And then there is another potentially painful situation, which is: you may not receive contact from the narcissist this Valentine’s Day at all. And, until healed from your inner trauma, this may feel devastating. (more…)

 

Valentine’s Day can be a very traumatic and painful time for many people in this community.

From my experience, it’s a narcissist’s favourite time to hoover.

And naturally, if we are still reeling in the pain and confusion of being originally adored, and then devalued and discarded, we may hope we’ll be able to resist a narcissistic hoover attempt.

But can we?

It is SO much easier said than done!

And then there is another potentially painful situation, which is: you may not receive contact from the narcissist this Valentine’s Day at all. And, until healed from your inner trauma, this may feel devastating.

Thriver TV Is Back For 2018 + A Huge Announcement

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
104
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
104
  It’s SO good to be back. This is our first Thriver TV back for 2018, and I am very excited for this year! Thank you for being so patient and letting me have such a lovely Thriver renewal break from doing videos and articles over January … it was divine! And I hope with all my heart that you were able to have some downtime, doing the things you enjoy and being with those that you love over the holiday break, to nourish your mind, body and soul too. It’s so important for us Thrivers to rejuvenate. Personally – I feel so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed right now! (more…)

 

It’s SO good to be back.

This is our first Thriver TV back for 2018, and I am very excited for this year!

Thank you for being so patient and letting me have such a lovely Thriver renewal break from doing videos and articles over January … it was divine!

And I hope with all my heart that you were able to have some downtime, doing the things you enjoy and being with those that you love over the holiday break, to nourish your mind, body and soul too.

It’s so important for us Thrivers to rejuvenate. Personally – I feel so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed right now!