Have you ever asked: How long is it going to take me to get better? Am I going to be stuck with these feelings forever?
Today I want to help you understand pain and the duration of pain from a more empowered perspective. This will help you with understanding how important it is to shift your pain as opposed to holding on to your pain. Then it is not about how long it takes to get out of our pain, it becomes about how to get out of it.
On Tuesday I recorded this radio show ‘Your Pain Is Not A Timeline’
I’d really love you to take the time to listen to this show, because it will explain so much, and it is a deeper extension of what I am writing about in this article.
Most of us observe our life and if it does not bring us fulfillment, safety, love and happiness our observation hurts. It brings us pain. We think that when ‘he’ or ‘she’ gets their act together and stops hurting us, or if situations in our life change that we can be free of the pain and be happy.
These beliefs not only disempower us, they are also highly inaccurate.
How Judgement Creates Our Pain
These normal human perceptions of observing ‘what is’ painfully actually creates a timeline of self-imposed limbo full of pain. Because we have to wait for something other than us to change in order to stop hurting.
These painful perceptions lead us to believe that we are powerless and have no option other than to stay in pain.
This isn’t the truth. The truth is: if you have accepted your life at this level you have disconnected from the truth of yourself and the truth of the creation of your life. If you have accepted that this pain is your reality then you have accepted that you don’t have ability to create your life the way you want it to be.
You haven’t embraced that you do have the power to shift your painful state regardless of what is happening in your life. And when you do shift your inner state out of pain and fear, then life in your experience has no choice but to respond accordingly, because your life experience is created from your vibrational (emotional) frequency.
To start with, we need to realise that pain is created from a judgement rather than an observation.
Rather than observing our life and deciding what does or doesn’t serve us, we may judge it as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. And as soon as perceive things as ‘wrong’ this immediately puts us into pain and fear.
Rather than observing a situation from an empowered perspective and asking ourselves “Does this or doesn’t this serve me?” we personalise what is going on. We then take on and create pain and we fruitlessly focus on what we don’t want and wrestle with it to try and stop the pain.
Little do we realise that we are in fact calling more of this pain forth into our experience.
Take for example this situation that you may be able to relate to. If you are an impatient driver and you take it personally when someone cuts you off on the road, you will emotionally focus on how ‘wrong’ it is that inconsiderate drivers do this to you. You may wind down your window and you may yell or make rude gestures.
In effect you are trying to make inconsiderate drivers stop making you feel bad. What you haven’t realised is that by focusing on inconsiderate drivers and granting them strong emotional energy you are attracting more inconsiderate drivers in you travel experiences.
You believe that there are many inconsiderate drivers on the road – and whatever you believe will be true for you. You are the creative force magnetising them to you.
The Foundation to Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
I would like to explain to you the basis for you to get out of your pain.
1) Create No Contact or Modified Contact – which detaches you from the source of the pain.
2) Accept that what has happened to you is granting you the opportunity to heal what you haven’t previously. This includes your limiting beliefs and your perceptions of life which have not been serving you.
3) Get your focus on to healing your unhealed parts so that you can break free. By clearing your pain and fear you can move towards not only creating a life free of narcissistic abuse, you can also create a more spectacular life than you would have previously ever imagined.
Without exception when you start progressing through these steps and embrace them and lessen your resistance to them, the quicker you will heal and be released from your pain.
I have seen many people move into this place, and start healing literally within weeks or months. In a very short space of time, which is not relative to the amount or duration of pain they have experienced, they begin to feel better than what they could have ever imagined.
And their life becomes not about the narcissist (who has become no longer their focus or reality), it becomes about them embracing their future, their joy and the working towards of losing all resistance to the creation of a great life.
The Illusion that Pain and Fear Keeps Us Safe
I promise you, because I do so much work with people on their Inner Identities (as well as having worked on my own), I know what the most common block is, and how it manifests as “I know this pain is going to take a long time to go away”.
The major block is the belief “I have to hang on to this pain and hurt in order to protect and defend myself.”
It is the fear “If I don’t hang on to it that I will be exposed, vulnerable and that shattered part of myself will be susceptible again.”
I understand this, because these are some of the biggest inner shifts (releasing fear and pain) I had to work through myself. I used to believe that hanging on to my pain kept me safe, I was in my cave, I didn’t want to be out in life, and by hiding I wouldn’t expose myself to the same crippling agony again.
This was perfectly understandable – but I do promise you this – it prevented me healing, and it prevented me from attracting and allowing into my life the good stuff that I did really want.
Hanging on to the pain as protection is an illusion which defies what we know about Law of Attraction (The Energetic System of Life) which is: Whatever we deeply feel and believe brings us ‘more of that’.
The Previous Survival Necessity of Pain and Fear
In our DNA, and not so long ago, we were living in crisis survival lifetimes. We had to operate in our heads. We had to operate from our ego (survival and defence mechanisms), and back in those times it was applicable and necessary to hold on to our pain and fear, as protection, in a world that was run with separation energy and me versus you realities.
However, in this time and energetic reality that we now live in, this time of evolving consciousness, the energetic system supports oneness and co-creation, and the realising that in Energetic Truth there is no outside.
Everything we experience is being created from our inside, it is all lining up and arranging from our own inner belief systems and emotional vibration.
Truly now we are creators of the highest order.
The necessary shift within our self is to realise this.
Pain and Fear no Longer Serves You
Hanging on to pain and fear simply does not serve you. In every way possible it keeps you separated from the realities we truly do want to experience.
Fear and pain now is only relevant in true crisis situations, where adrenaline is required, which fortunately are few and far between – especially if you have belief systems that don’t correspond with fear and danger.
In fact we can never create or allow what we do want when our emotional focus is all tied up in what we don’t want.
This is why our greatest mission is to clear out our pain and fear.
There is now nothing to address without addressing our inner world first – because nothing in our outer world is occurring independently from our inside vibration.
Why are You still Hanging on to Your Pain and Fear?
Okay so now I would really like to investigate your pain, and the reasons you are hanging on to it, and the reason you believe “I will have this pain for a long time”.
Please feel into it and be honest with yourself…
Is it because you don’t feel that the pain can go until something in your outer world changes?
Is it because you are hanging on to it as a means of trying to protect yourself?
Now you may realise that you have been living separated from the faith and knowing that you are your own creator.
You may still have beliefs that the outer world is created as separate from you – that you are a victim to it, and you possibly haven’t worked on realising and claiming your power, so that you can know yourself as a conscious creator living your life safely, solidly and powerfully without fear and pain.
You may not have realised that you can decide to not engage in a relationship for a period of time or say no to people that cause you to feel pain, create boundaries and know that whilst you are doing this – the most important thing is that you work out how to heal and let go of your pain and fear rather than hang on to it indefinitely.
You may not have realised that by making this your greatest mission you are going to emotionally feel incredible relief, AND you will no longer attract and create ‘more pain and fear’ into your future life experience.
In fact you have the ability to be vibrating at a different frequency, where pain and fear is no longer a match for your frequency.
This frequency shift is your greatest goal.
The Quantum Shift from ‘What You Don’t Want’ to ‘What You Do Want’
One day you will have to make this quantum leap in order to stop creating pain and fear in your life experience.
And you will know that you do not need to be vibrating at pain and fear in order to keep yourself safe.
When you no longer hold the intense emotional charges of pain and fear, you are in fact free to observe the outer world, take your time to ascertain it without handing your power over, and being susceptible to manipulation and abuse assess does this or does this not serve me, and make your decisions accordingly.
To reach this level of self-created solidness and safety sets up everything healthily in your life.
As you can see, it is a total illusion that pain and fear keeps you safe – it doesn’t.
When you are in pain and fear you are not able to trust your emotions, you are not in your true power and you are easily thrown off balance and you can easily get enmeshed, make it about yourself and try fruitlessly to change and fix other people rather than detaching, remaining calm, setting boundaries and honouring your own truth.
Can you see this?
More importantly can you feel this?
Now you can understand that hanging on to your pain and fear is not serving you – it is delaying you getting well, and it is delaying claiming and stepping into your true power and glory, and of course your true safety.
It is delaying you creating a great life – the life you do want.
I really hope this article inspires you to work on letting go of your pain and fear, and knowing that this is your most important mission.
Your entire life experience depends on it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this article, and if you are inspired to let go of pain and fear now.
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