We all know that the pain of narcissistic abuse seems unfathomable.
It is so severe that it may feel almost impossible to function in everyday life.
It can be a major accomplishment to effectively eat and sleep, let alone have the emotional stability to start your life all over again.
My greatest mission regarding the work I do is to help people release this incredible emotional agony, so that they can rebuild and align with the creation of a life that not only works, but leaves the horror of narcissistic abuse way, way behind.
This article is all about the most direct and powerful path to do this – and the reasons why a specific and direct path works, where others don’t.
When you understand how to use this direct path you will know how to get relief, create powerful change in your life and heal in the fastest way possible.
The Limitations of the Logical Mind
This important message will explain to you WHY it is so hard to heal from trauma when trying to do so through your logical mind.
I tried this initially – and lots of other people tried, and the truth is it is the long, hard way around – and often it just doesn’t work.
Firstly it is incomprehensible that recovery from a narcissistic abuse experience can be categorised and reconciled by the use of cognitive processes. What happened did not make normal human logical sense, and does not fit any model that would grant any fathomable closure or peace.
You may be able to understand how and why a narcissist operates, and realise there are many people who have suffered what you have, and that their narcissist operated identically to the one you experienced – yet how can you escape the mind-bending obsessions, injustices, betrayals, malicious behaviour and pathological lies that are just not a part of the accepted human experience?
The truth is emotionally you cannot get peace on this simply via information and it is likely that the feelings of obsession, torment, injustices, and disbelief (and the addiction to trying to get justice, accountability and remorse or even ‘love’) will continue for an indefinite period of time.
Yes you may ‘survive’ from narcissistic abuse, simply because you have been able to get away, stay away and know you will never return to the narcissist, but is this truly living?
I want to take you deeper so that you can really understand why your logical mind is so limited in getting true healing and resolution…
To understand the reasons why this is the case you need to know how the subconscious and conscious minds work.
Our life is created from emotional programming.
What I mean by this is our thoughts, actions, what and who we attract in our life and the life events that we experience are all a match for us vibrationally.
When I refer to the word ‘vibrational’ what I mean is whatever belief systems we have about anything, and our associated emotions on any topic are exactly what we create in our life.
These inner beliefs and feelings (our vibration) are not taking place in our logical mind. They are all embedded and existing in our subconscious mind, they are in our being. To make this easier to understand, imagine as if this beingness was in the cells of your body.
You need to understand how your subconscious communicates with you. It communicates through sensation – which means through feelings. When you are ‘on track’ with being the wellbeing, love, abundance and truth of your True Self (real potential) you feel great. You have emotions that are granting you the feedback that you are aligned, that you are on track. The gap between your vibration (who you are presently being right now) and Who You Really Are (your True Potential) is very small, or non-existent.
When you feel immense pain your subconscious is letting you know through these agonised feelings that you are living the experience of inner programs which are NOT aligned with wellbeing, love and the truth of Who You Are.
The greater the gap the more it emotionally hurts.
The illusion is: It is all happening ‘out there’. We believe that this person, situation, event has created our pain – and but what we may not have realised (or accepted) is that there has been existing painful beliefs and emotional programming within our subconscious that has co-created these experiences of ‘what we don’t want’.
Of course we were not doing this consciously – this all happened unconsciously.
When these painful situations in our life show up, that are a match for our already existing painful programs. They bring these painful subconscious programs up to the surface for us.
Our agonising experiences show us point blank our deepest fears, our most painful inner beliefs that fundamentally relate to the powerless feelings of being unacceptable, ‘not good enough’, unworthy of love and incapable of being a Source to ourself.
The reason these horrendously painful emotions occurred was to get our attention. Every painful emotion is a powerful signal. It is saying (or screaming) there is something within that desperately requires attention.
Ultimately this is so we can heal these subconscious wounds in order to claim Who We Really Are.
How Did Our Subconscious Wounds Initially Form?
When we were children we learnt very quickly. Before the age of 8 and 9 we were information sponges.
We all know that children pick up new skills quickly, have amazing dexterity with technology and can even learn different languages effortlessly at a very young age.
The reason is because children don’t have a developed analytic / logical mind blocking any new information going directly into their subconscious mind.
It is the subconscious mind which is the storage space of all skills, knowledge, and ‘ways of behaving’.
As children we certainly had the advantage of gaining information and learning very easily – but we also took on the ‘bad’ messages automatically as well.
Maybe your Dad left when you were very young. Maybe one or both of your parents didn’t know how to connect to you and grant you love, support and approval because they were busy providing the survival necessities of life.
Maybe there was a horrific argument between your Mum and your Dad one day and you thought it was your fault.
Maybe conditions were harsher, and boundaries were not honoured, or respected and you learnt ‘love means I can abuse you’.
As a child you did not have the benefit of logic to displace your feelings about topics. You did not have the benefit of logically observing what was happening in order to conclude “Well Mum didn’t spend much time connecting to me because she had five kids to provide for. Therefore her lack of attention didn’t hurt me and doesn’t make me feel unworthy of love. I know it wasn’t personal.”
As a child you simply internalised emotional pain, and emotionally decided you must be unlovable, or not good enough, or not ‘valuable’ enough to be loved happily, safely and respectfully.
As children we learnt who we are, how much we were or were not worth love, value and care, and we absorbed these messages directly as our emotional truth. The subconscious did not define these messages as ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ (it has no preference). It simply agreed with our emotional ‘decision’ at the time.
Little did you know that these ‘decisions’ at such an early age were going to program your subconscious to play out these beliefs determinedly in your life from the point of those emotional ‘decisions’ onward.
Little did you know that these internalised messages if they were painful enough could set you up for narcissistic abuse in your future.
Trying to change these emotional programs later in life logically is going to have little to no effect – simply because they were NEVER logically created in the first instance.
How Adults Learn New Ways to ‘Be’
Now let’s examine our learning abilities as adults today…
As adults we have a developed analytic / logical mind which blocks the pathway to our subconscious. We think too much. We do not have the automatic direct path to the subconscious learning capacity that children do.
We find it much more difficult to learn new ways of being.
One way adults can learn is through repetition, doing something over and over again until it becomes the new internal program. This takes intense dedication and willpower.
The second way is when we have a ‘trauma’ or ‘highly ecstatic’ episode. When an event is powerfully emotionally charged, everything else fades into the background, the logical mind shuts down, and the new message bypasses the logical / critical mind and goes straight into the subconscious.
You may have had such an experience. In a time of trauma it is like everything else in the background disappears, time stands still, and the only thing that exists is the traumatic event. This is a direct example of your logical mind moving aside and whatever is occurring is impacting directly at a subconscious level.
When we understand how we really learn – we can understand important things. As children we learnt who we are, how much we were or were not worth love, value and care, and we absorbed these messages directly as our truth.
As adults when we receive experiences which are highly traumatic and painful, our subconscious also directly accepts these messages as ‘truth’. These messages add significantly to the already painful ones which already existed from our childhood.
In fact we have unconsciously been attracting an re-creating the same messages that our subconscious already believed from childhood.
There is something else about the subconscious which explains a lot. Our subconscious mind is a primitive survival mechanism. As a survival instinctual mechanism it is highly resistance to change, and holds firm the existing inner programs which already are.
The subconscious believes it is protecting you by hanging on to the painful and fearful messages of the past. In previous times of survival our ancient DNA needed this mechanism.
The problem is now in modern times, this does not serve us. It simply continues to attract exactly what we fear and keeps us separated from our true power and potential.
This is why we desperately need to re-program these painful internal programs that keep us stuck in living out the events and relationships that we don’t want in our life. It is the only authentic way to really break free.
Why the Mind Struggles To Create Real Change
As a result of your narcissistic abuse experience you will know no matter what you think you should or should not be doing – it is excruciatingly difficult to stop giving in to the old internal programs which are running your life.
The reason this occurs is because your subconscious mind is rejecting the new ideas of your logical mind and sabotages your chances of creating positive change. It wants to stubbornly and determinedly hold on to the old survival programs.
This is why every day I receive emails such as:
“I am a smart, intelligent woman. I know he is no good for me. He even repulses me, but why can’t I stop calling him. Why can’t I get him OUT of my mind?! Why CAN’T I let go and move on?!”
The reason is because the unconscious mind is still running painful inner programs which are a direct match for the abuse the narcissist is dishing out – and the logical mind is no match for these fully energised and stimulated programs.
This is why logically you know what you should do – leave, stay away, disconnect and accept that the narcissist is NO GOOD for you but you can’t seem to stop the obsessive pulls, addiction and staying attached – no matter HOW MUCH you know it is destroying you.
I really hope this makes sense – and you clearly understand why…
How To Make Powerful Changes In Your Way of Being
As per my material you will observe how I am always going on about inner work, inner work, inner work, inner work!
The reasons is because I know personally, as well as with dealing with thousands of people how essential this is – if you want real relief, if you want powerful change, and if you really want to heal.
And if you want to achieve this the fastest, most efficient and DIRECT way possible
Trying to heal by working through your logical mind is the hard, painful and gruelling way to do it. It takes a long amount of time (maybe an entire lifetime of cognitive therapy) and enormous willpower.
Willpower is incredibly hard to engineer when in the all-consuming emotional grip of narcissistic abuse – which heroin addicts have stated to me time and time again is a much worse addiction than heroin.
The real healing work is the employing of tools and processes which bypass your logical mind and communicate directly with the subconscious mind.
It took me 2 years of trying to learn how to recover from narcissistic abuse through my logical mind before I realised it was never going to work. This realisation set me on a path to discover a way to make changes within my being at a subconscious level.
This is exactly why I created Quanta Freedom Healing and the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, because It creates a direct path to the painful inner programs that require healing and teaches you how to locate them, shift them and transform them into inner belief systems and programs that will serve you.
When you do the work at this level the emotional pain drops away, and your mind is not tormented.
Your tormented thinking was your mind ‘trying’ to find some answer, relief or resolution from the emotional agony. When the emotional agony stops so does the tormented thinking.
When you try to deal with emotions logically your mind will only ever make more of a mess of them – ALWAYS!
You know exactly what I am talking about with this statement. You know you go back to the horrible event, replay it sequentially in your mind (these are the processes the logical mind employs) and then try to ‘work out’ some logical answer that is going to alleviate the emotional pain. Not only does the ‘answer’ to gain peace elude you, but you have just replayed and re-energised the agony again with no resolution forthcoming.
This would be like being ‘shot’ once, and then replaying the scene a thousand times more in your mind. You have just shot yourself another thousand times!
I promise you your vibrational / emotional body knows no difference between the emotional agony of the physical event, or the emotional agony of replaying it in your mind. The emotional agony and emotional damage to your being either way is identical!
Your logical mind was never intended to heal emotions (emotional inner programming) – EVER!
Truly after discovering inner healing processes I shake my head at my own life and how I spent decades battling in my mind for no results other than repeat pain, and how we have all been conditioned to believe that our limited minds COULD be the solution – when it simply isn’t!
I’m going to prove this to your very simply…
Say these following statements – “I think angry”, or “I think devastated”…or “I think violated”…
It makes NO sense…
It makes as little sense as trying to heal these feelings with logical thinking.
Your emotions are not logical.
Neither is your emotional programming that is controlling your life.
True healing simply does not happen at a logical level.
True healing occurs by going within, by going to your emotional belief systems and using an energetic (vibrational) process to address them, and that is exactly the power and ability you innately have (as your birth right) to heal yourself deep from within.
You are a magnificent self-healer – you DO have that power. Everyone does.
You have always just needed to simply understand how to DO this.
I hope this article has helped you understand why you are battling in your mind, and has allowed you to understand there is a much better and truer way to heal.
If you are a member of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program or have participated in a Quanta Freedom Healing, I would love you to share your experience with this method of healing and how it compared to trying to heal with your logical mind.
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