Narcissists are similar to predators in the wild.
Imagine a lion that needs to make a kill. It needs to make a kill with the least amount of effort, because this is how predators operate – they go after the injured gazelle at the edge of the pack so as to expend the least amount of energy.
Human predators similarly have very limited energy resources and are after quick sources of narcissistic supply so they go after targets that easily offer up the key to the goodies, if not they just move on.
When I finally understood how these predatory behaviours worked I identified how and why narcissists hone in on their particular targets and why some people are simply unappealing to these toxic individuals.
This latest Thriver TV episode reveals all the details of why certain people are targets and why other people aren’t so join me in this discussion to discover the necessary insight you need to never be the injured gazelle again.
Video Transcript
There are certain people who are targeted by narcissists. Is that you?
Today, you’re going to find out if that is you, and why certain people are and why other people aren’t.
Before we get into this really important, insightful topic, I just want to express my gratitude for all of you who support the Thriver mission and are helping the world to realize that we can heal for real from narcissistic abuse. And I just want to remind you if you’re not yet subscribed, please do, so you’ll get notified each new time that I do another release.
Why Does The Narcissist Need To Identify A Particular Target?
Let’s start with the first point that I want to talk about today, which is why does a narcissist need to identify a target?
I want you to think about a predator. So, let’s think about a lion that needs to make a kill. It needs to make a kill with the least amount of effort because this is how predators operate.
They’re going to look, for example, for the injured gazelle at the edge of the pack. Now, why is that the case? It’s the case because energy resources are precious. So, what that means is, to secure a feed has got to take less energy than the effort it produces, otherwise what is the point of the effort?
Now, narcissists operate in exactly the same way. I’m going to explain why, because with a narcissist, there is no true self inside. A narcissist can’t produce them, they can’t generate their own energy. They have very limited energy resources and they’re after narcissistic supply, which is the attention and the acclaim that feeds them, the knowing that they exist.
So, if they’re going to produce more energy to get the feed of the energy, there will be no point to it whatsoever.
The energy that’s needed for the false self to prop up is all important. That’s what their false identity needs. So, a narcissist needs to get narcissistic supply quickly. What does that mean? It means connecting with somebody.
It could be a friendship. It could be a new love, a relationship. It could be a partnership deal, so really what they’re after is energy, attention, good or bad – it really makes no difference. But of course, it’s going to be good at the start because that’s how they hook you in.
They’re after acclaim, they’re after significance, and they’re after stuff. They want the key to the goodies, which is the wealth, the notoriety, the sex, the ego feed, whatever it is that’s going to help secure their false image, their fantasies, and the lifestyle that they like to project and portray to others.
They’ve got to do that quickly. I just want you to get that through your head because it’s important to understand.
How Does The Narcissist Identify A Target?
Which takes us to our next point, is how does a narcissist identify a target?
They’re going to do that quickly. They’re going to sidle up to you. They’re going to question you. They might mimic your body language and appear as really warm and caring and attentive. But what they’re really doing is they’re sizing you up very, very quickly to see if you start warming to them, if you start trusting them.
With the questioning, they’re going to find out what it is that you have missing in your life or what’s hurt you. Because they’re going to purport to be the supplier of what’s missing or the saviour of what’s hurting.
Then they’re going to sense your reaction. Does this light you up? Are you excited? Are you relieved? Are you accommodating? Are you responding as if you’ve found the missing piece to what you’ve been looking for?
Or are you someone who hasn’t granted the narcissist that information? Or even if you have, are you somebody that stands or sits in your own energy and don’t just fall into their energy? Are you not welcoming them? Are you not slipping into being the person that is waiting for the person that they’re purporting to do?
They’re going to work out, are they going to get access to your life, your heart, your soul, your body or not? And if not, and if they’re not likely to get what they’re after – which is access narcissistic supply and the key to the goodies – they’re going to move on. So, if you have granted them access to your inner vault, that’s a huge, big, green light.
I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you were dating and you were to tell a narcissist that you’ve been cheated on by your exes. The narcissist may say to you something like, “Monogamy is such a big thing for me. I’ve always been monogamous. I cannot understand how people are like that.” And you go, “Oh my God.” And they sense that that’s a big green light.
Let’s say that you’re wanting to look for a business partner. And they came in for an interview, and they found out that you don’t have the confidence to go after contacts and network, and they tell you that’s their forte, and you get all excited. That’s a big green light.
Now, I want you to know this. Over the years, I’ve had narcissists contact through my blogs and other methods. And they have written to me and they have bragged about how easy this is for them to get people to trust them and get access to their lives, their money, their bodies, and their hearts, virtually overnight.
I know that many of you are beautiful and wonderful, trusting, lovely people, who always have great intentions. You would never hurt anybody else. But if we don’t realize that it’s essential to take your time and have healthy boundaries and get to know people’s characters before you believe what comes out of their mouth, then you are not just susceptible to being let down and disappointed, you’re also susceptible to being abused and even destroyed.
How To Not Be A Narcissistic Target
Let’s look at the next point, how to NOT be a narcissistic target.
First of all, I’m just going to tell you that your best offence always is to be very focused on your own development. Because if you’re not needy, if you’re not empty, if we’re not desperate to find a saviour outside of ourselves, well, then we’re not nearly as susceptible to falling on that hook and falling for that trap that they set.
And after you’ve been narcissistically abused or traumatized by interpersonal relationships, it’s really, really important to learn about taking your time to get to know people, and trusting yourself, especially your inner voice, your intuition, because we all have an amazing intuition. And we know, that when you haven’t listened to it and you’ve gone ahead, regardless, that you’ve paid a shocking price.
Our intuition is very, very accurate. It’s telling us not to just allow people… not to be reckless and allow people into our heart and money, body, home, and life before doing the due diligence and taking our time to get to know them.
And in a business sense, it totally means dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s with all of our business deals. Stop being so nice. Stop being so accommodating and stop being so trusting.
It also means that when your inner voice speaks up and something doesn’t feel right, that you’ve got enough power within you to have the conversations that need to be had, ask the right questions, ask for proof, ask for credibility, and stand in that integrity.
Good people will stand, respect that, and meet that. Narcissists, bad actors, and liars will be flushed out – and they will – if they get angry or upset.
And this is the other thing that we have to grow ourselves up enough to be able to handle – we have to be able to risk what I call the fears of C.R.A.P., which means the fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment, and punishment if we speak up and honor ourselves and lay boundaries.
That’s part of being a healthy adult in your own body. We have to get past the wanting everybody to like us.
Because you know what? There’s an old saying that, “If you’re not willing to piss other people off, you’re going to piss yourself off,” which means you’re actually going to get hurt and even abused.
Of course, this takes inner development to have that level of maturity and power. It takes getting past our childhood wounds. It takes having an honest inventory of looking at our lives and being about honest where we didn’t back ourselves, we didn’t speak up, stand up, and what happened when we didn’t.
You know those times where we had that inner feeling? And we just talked ourselves out of it. We justified it. We said, “Oh, no, I think I’ve got that wrong. It’ll be okay.” And even apart from the intuitive message, we know that we were acting recklessly. We weren’t dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. And we weren’t doing the due diligence. And we weren’t looking after ourselves properly.
You know what I’m talking about because I know that you’ve experienced it, and our healing and our thriving really means that we’ve got to start being honest with ourselves and we need to get past the notion of blaming other people when we go, “Well, that’s disgusting. They’re really bad people. And people should never do that. And people shouldn’t be duplicitous and lie and manipulate.”
If you stay in that, you’re being a victim and you’re going to be powerless. If you get stuck in other people are terrible and not to be trusted, in your own righteousness, well, then I’m just going to be so honest with you, lovingly – You need to grow the heck up. And I had to as well. And I want you to know that you don’t have to do this development and evolution alone.
We have, in this community, so many resources to help you, which is my YouTubes, my blogs, my healing programs, and also the amazing NARP community forum, which is part of your coaching and your development and your help to be able to heal up, to become the person that you need to be to be able to be free from narcissists.
Conclusion
I hope that this straight talk we’ve had today can really help you. And I really want you to understand that not everybody is targeted by narcissists. That is a complete victimized lie because when you’ve done development and you do stand up and you do lay boundaries and you trust yourself in your own body to be a mature adult, looking after you, because it’s your job, you will not be targeted by a narcissist.
You’re not going to be that lame gazelle at the edge of the pack. You’re going to be a big, strong bison in the middle of the pack. You are not going to be a target. And as that bison, as that boundary beast, you’ve become your own guardian adult and empowered protector, which is your job.
And the beautiful thing about that is you lead the way for the other people that you care about in your life, like your children. Your children, by your example, learn to stand in their power too.
If you resonate with this, I would really love you to let me know in your comments, and also ask any more questions about this that you have.
And more than that, I’d love you to understand what this inner development really entails. And you can do this by coming into my Three Keys to Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse workshop, and the link to that is at the top right of this video.
We’re really going to go through this deeply, so you understand from the inside-out how to step into that level of power, where you will become impervious and free from narcissists, impervious to and free from them, where they won’t be able to target you and take you in.
This is brilliant Melanie!! Thank you – thank you so much! OMG! So many narcissists have walked through my life, starting with my older sister. She taught me to tolerate her behaviour, doubt my instincts, put up with abuse and blame myself. Then I took it from my ‘friends’ (ha ha) boyfriends and partner – and, actually, other family members too, when I come to think of it. And now, a ‘long-lost bullying cousin’ is trying the same thing on me. Came into my life a couple of years ago, having not seen me since I was 12. She thinks I’m the same push-over as I was way back then, but she has all the hallmarks of my narcissistic sister (who she can’t stand. Hmm, I wonder why that is?) Goodbye cousin, I’m right on to you.
Thank you Melanie. You are a gem!!
I’m so pleased this granted you clarity Alex!
Yes, absolutely, the same lesson keeps coming in a different skin until we heal what we need to!
It’s your time to rise.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Beautifully said, Mel 🥰
My question is: I don’t get intuitive messages immediately when I want to make a decision and I’ve been wrong so many times in the past , even when I was following what I felt was my intuition. So it’s hard for me to trust my intuition and I keep analyzing my decisions.
How to trust your intuition ? How to know it’s good intuition ? Thanks 🥰
I had the same struggle. So I went really deep into understanding the pattern of my family. I had to really look closely into this. What’s my family like, my mother and father, how do they see me, what was it that I had to fulfill for them because they were lacking it, were they really nurturing me when I was a child with all my needs (and I don’t only mean giving me food and clothes and toys, I mean on a deeper level, were they ‘safe’ to trust, was I really seen?) I know now that my mother and father were struggling for themselves, both grew up with parents that weren’t really nurturing them as well (my father had ‘everything’ when he was a child except for a deep connection on an emotional level with my grandmother, so he was lacking that, and my mother was treated like shit as a child and even as an adult by her parents) I could go even deeper into this, my grandparents experienced the war in Europe so there is that, and the list goes on.. my point in all this is, that many people come from a history of family issues. Issues that were NEVER solved nor looked at. Of course everyone kept going and somehow they survived all this, but there was a price that’s been paid. We are in line of deeply hurt people, all with their own issues, and then we come to this world, with this parents, grandparents.., and they already are lacking so much and are so needy themselves. And then there are we, the children, the next in line to fullfil something. I grew up not seeing my own needs, because this wasn’t something my parents taught me, how should they even? They were lacking so I had to supply. My father was lacking true connection by his mother so I had to fullfill his void.. same with my mother etc….teaching me how to fullfil and see my own needs wasn’t even possible for them because they were incomplete in the first place. You can not raise a child to be complete when you’re incomplete yourselve. So I played the part of their supply. And now with all this mess, with all the confusion how on earth would we know what our intuition really sounds like? Growing up in a confusing and unsave environment confuses our intuition. The only thing to get it back in my experience is to look really closely to the wounds that WE have. This is something that can be so painful that we rather avoid it but it’s necessary to heal at last, and to find and trust our own voice, without all the confusion that’s been overshadowing it. All the love 💛 (ps, English is not my first language but I hope it was ok to understand)
Hi Jane,
thankyou!
Are you NARPing? (I think you are?) http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I too used to have this trouble and then, with NARP, I targeted the traumas in my body generating the trauma of not being able to connect to and trust my intuition. The shifts from that created a spectacular shift – in where my intuition became so much more accurate and powerful – as did my trust in it.
I hope this helps.
Much love to you Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💚
Do Narp. You’ll learn
Very spot on. I have never been in a relationship with a narcissist. I could feel she wanted me to pursue her but i had a very strong feeling i should not. She seemed wrong somehow.
The first time i met her she was not very interesting, as my life for other reasons turned sour and i, lost my confidence, she became interesting, but as i got back on my feet i could see right through her and my interest in her disappeared.
It sounds like you may have dodged a bullet Thomas!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Exactly, dodgedd a bullet.
It was just like some kind of twisted dog training where i had to prove myself worthy of her. If i made a mistake i would get the silent treatment if i did something good i would get a smile and she would be cute. Very predictable.
I want to point out the correlation between my confidence and my interest in her. As my confidence fell she became interesting. When my confidence rose my interest in her fell.
Very interesting re correlation with confidence !! Thanks for you post 😌
Spot on Thomas,
the more of your True Self that you are, the less you are attracted to a False Self.
So within, so without
Mel 🙏💕💚
Now that I explore my life and what had made me “me” was the very central feeling or trait of conscientiousness. My childhoods terrific traumas was dealt with my wanting to be so good. It was quite a self-centredness and self absorbed way of being.. My eyes did not look outward. I only looked at how I could do better. How can I dance faster?
It grew to ridiculous levels and perfectionism. I believe that was the most important factor to my blindness. No more. I have changed.
Hey Marie.
I’m stuck. I do what you did. How to move forward and not do It?
In the context of this blog, I would posit you can identify the felt trauma of the issue in yourself, because all the chaotic impulses, feelings and images are the tendrils of that trauma, and that those tendrils might help you get at that felt trauma in your body, insofar as you can at a given time. And, that you can “NARP it”, according to your depth of commitment, as Melanie helps you do in her carefully led instruction modules. And, report on it as soon as you’re ready, specifically asking her for her feedback. Ram on.
How wonderful Marie to let go of that.
With many of us Dear woman, we believed we had to ‘perfect’ to be worthy of being loved and accepted.
I really believe rather than this being self-centered, it really was from a feeling of unworthiness inside.
Love and healing blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I’ve recently considered that righteousness (which irritates others’ assumed humility) is something that grows on top of an assumed perfectionism, which made it seem do-able to simply slough off the righteousness, allowing me to continue to cultivate my (unconsciously imposter-ish yet beguiling) perfectionism in a less fettered way. However, therefore, “my eyes did not look outward”, still. Until (a dead philosopher) said, to paraphrase: rage unresolved is followed by resentment, and the provisional resolution for resentment, in turn, is righteousness. (Righteousness can express as more or less judgemental perfectionism.) Well, being able to see that progression of feeling contortion, I looked to find that it felt contiguous in my experience. And that perhaps it was my perfectionism that grows out of my righteousness (and not the other way around). Turning it around like this opened up the view towards the underlying resentment behind the righteousness, that I remember once being aware of . . and then to pick up that resentment and follow it’s twist back into a deeper, long-standing rage, or set of rages, of origin. This felt like hitting pay dirt, since those particular charges of resentment and underlying rage, which I had known were there underneath somewhere, had previously defied (my “perfected”) sensibility to contact it. It seems the resentment in front of the righteousness had had its heels dug in. I had forgotten about it — I had put a lid on the resentment feeling state in me. Not that long ago it seems I had blithely and “perfectly” applied a band-aid of “unconditional forgiveness” right on it. I’m getting such a deep inner chortle from this particular tracking — which your comment has prompted me to pick back up on.
Thank you especially for telling me I have to grow up. I eventually get rid of the narcissists but now realize I need to not let them in at all. I will start at the very beginning and move much slower. Love your honesty.
Thank you Kathy for getting it.
Much love and blessings to you honey!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Spot on, Melanie! Our intuition, and trusting it, is what saves our gazelle butts. Of course we’re raised as children to trust others (ie parents and authorities) no matter what. That is only for THEIR convenience and comfort. We have so much unlearning to do. Until we come to terms with that little brainwashed child inside, we will live as victims forever. If we are waiting for other people’s permission to grow up, we will wait forever, that is, unless we connect with Thrivers. Just. Grow. Up. What a great motto that would be to live by!
Hi Susan,
Love that – saving our gazelle butts!!
I love your style and your post!
Brilliant and oh SO true!
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
You hit the nail right on the head Melanie! Thanks to you I have over the past few years changed from a victim to a victor. I had a Graduate Degree but did not know how to get out of my abusive relationship until I learned of your work. I have since gone on to live my dream and have just published my first book. Life is so much better now than ever before.
I am still working on my future and after years of abuse I still have some doubts at times; but that is changing for me and I now have some good male friends and know what it is like to be respected and cared for … and I am in my 60’s … so it is never to late!
Bless you and wishing you a Merry Christmas 🎄
Thanks Jill,
I did not think I was a lame gazelle but I definitely was a good target for supply, 4 C’s…caring, clever, career orientated….a few degrees, consistent, pay wise.
I also did not see what was happening, blinded for two many years, 32 married life and yes I to am nearly in my 60’s.
So never to late, I found the strength to leave 18months ago, like Melanie medically very unwell and still striving in that area, unfortunately my area of expertise, but still succumbed.
My life at present could not be better other than the difficulty with the legal system and finances, he has taken it all, his field of expertise!
My doubts are few, my questions to myself was why did I see this behaviour, environment so long ago. The red flags that people now say they saw also.
For you, me and all the other wonderful strong people who have and are able to start over, keep going, strong….the Bison!
Merry Christmas and happy healthy 2021 every reader, Melanie and Jill.
Michelle
Merry Christmas to you too darling Michelle,
and so much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Jill,
That’s awesome that you are doing so well!
What wonderful accomplishments!
It is NEVER too late – amen to that and thank you for being such a wonderful Thriver and inspiration
Mel 🙏💕💚
Love the advice and all the information.
I’m so pleased Heather!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I do understand how it happened. He chose me as I was a person who came to live in the UK without the backup of friends and family. 25 years, 3 kids and 2 breakups later he has just walked into another’s life. It’s been 3 years and it’s been a very hard road back to get a job, save money and buy a property and be a single aren’t to 3 amazing kids but I think I still feel like the gazelle and getting my inner strength back is proving difficult but you have made me understand why it happened to me.
Thanks Melanie, you have helped me through a really tough period. I am on the other side, it surely feels great looking after me, setting boundaries.
…do stand up and you do lay boundaries and you trust yourself in your own body to be a mature adult, looking after you…
Hi Rowena,
I am so pleased that I could help.
I love that you are honouring you!
Many continued blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Good morning I couldn’t leave a comment up top ive been trying to get well on my own I have anxiety amd depression suffering from Narcissist abuse for 6 years ,he told me over 300 times he was leaving me and he finally discard me a month ago .im trying to stay no content to heal but I honestly need help I think God every day for strength because i thought I was going to loose my mind.
Hi Helen,
I’m so pleased this has helped.
Can I help you further by offering you my workshop this weekend … it will help Fastrack your healing and bring you relief very quickly.
I know it may be a challenge with the kids, but I really wanted to invite you anyway (also you can watch the replay).
Hopefully, this can really help http://www.youcanthriveprogram.com/digitalpass
Much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💚
I’ve experienced both the relationship saviour and the business star examples. They make you think you need them. I realised that what they were offering I was already capable of doing myself, I just either hadn’t fully developed it yet, or hadn’t realised or believed (a big one!) I could. So maybe we are better at networking than we realise, for example, and it’s the confidence we lack. That there is the key maybe – confidence. I realised in both situations I was actually stronger and more competent than they were. I had everything I needed inside me, and your work helped me unlock this truth. I guess, they are the wounded gazelle looking to project that identity onto others temporarily going through the normal challenges of life.
Hi Rosa,
it is true they are deeply wounded.
And if our wounds collide and enmesh with them, then it is a dance of relationship destruction.
So much of this is deep emotional imprints (hence why inner work is such a powerful solution) and not logical at all.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie,
Oh man was this another smack between the eyes for me, myself and I. I have been programmed to be the good girl the one who was always nice and kind to a fault and learned to be someone that was made to believe I was wrong, bad and causing the problems, issues and at fault very young. I saw this play out in young childhood and always was that injured gazelle in a pack even as young as 2, 3 and 4 and it led to a lot of abuse later down the track. Prior to being narcissistically abused I was very open about myself and never took the time to get to know anyone and I had no idea what I was doing I really got into so much trouble with friends and in social settings at work and then romantically which was very traumatic. Interesting as this was I had a recurring dream for about 6 months viewing both narcs in a dark space driving in a car going round in circles before getting involved with both of them at the same time with one being a ‘friend’ and the other as a ‘love interest’ now that is a green light alright. Now that I am healing and getting into body work any friends that felt wrong to me inside have dropped off and I have almost no friends left. Still learning to stay in my own energy and not extend myself but it’s hard to do when your subconscious automatically dictates your behaviour. I need to learn to shut my own mouth………….boundary loss in my mouth…….
Hi Terry,
Im so happy this deeply resonated with you.
Are you free this weekend coming? (if not you can watch the recording).
I am holding a one-day event that will help you immeasurably is getting a deep shift in the right direction with that subconscious stuff!
http://www.youcanthriveprogram.com/digitalpass
Much love to you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you.
You are so welcome Odette!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
I love when you remind us that our INTUITION is 100% accurate. Seems that Narcs are deft in having conversations spin so much that there’s no time to listen to our inner voice. They weave confusion around our intuition.
I remember thinking -on the very first date –that his conversation was more like a 20 question game, or Facebook connection. I was so bored I almost, and should have, just walked out. I think he may not have even noticed that nobody could possibly care about such trivia. It was the conversation – OR LACK THEREOF_ that was my biggest red flag very early on and throughout the time I tried to make sense of anything he seemed to believe. He never satisfied my desire to have a real, profound conversation on anything. He was so impotent.
He was so shallow. As though trying to find out what I thought to then weigh in and try to come up with something clever. It was a disappointment every single time.
So sad. He could NEVER actually access my heart. And he never did. But I still hoped his other qualities – not serious, funny, good looking, supposedly wealthy, savvy businessman – could make a fun relationship.
It was over one day when he again and for the last time said something stupid that did not make sense and I was just DONE with trying to figure it out. He was wasting my time and I had a patient calling for help.
So I walked away with total contempt for this little boy who did not know how to speak, what to speak about, or had any depth to any thought. I walked away and never looked back.
But, that’s when and how I knew the Narc abuse was on a different level from normal connections.
How could I be so hurt, such physical pain, in the aftermath of breaking up? The pain was cosmic. And you helped me understand that the abuse was beyond a normal human relationship breakup. This abuse was on a quantum level.
Narcs tap into our HOPE and destroy it. How do you get that back?
Hope is not rational. It is a function of our spiritual, not mental makeup. We need different tools to work in the spiritual realms – information alone will not help.
And the dawn of this understanding broke the emotional hypnosis I had allowed in trying to understand him and find a connection. (Of course, he turned out to be a huge zero in every possible sense. )
I ended up SO MUCH BETTER off by having discovered the areas where I had not protected my emotional investment in personal HOPES. The Pain was total Gain in my case.
Thank God for the Narc. Now, I am not only free, but equipped and awake to address face my hopes. This is where Narp comes in.
NARP is not for recovery but for DISCOVERY. NARP is for Thriving, not just surviving.
And now, thanks to Narp, I can access my own secret HOPEs and allow myself to see them and allow myself to bring everything into the light.
When freed using Narp, we are not only free indeed, but forever also STRONGER. I would not have known what to heal without the Narc pain. And, I would not know HOW to heal without NARP.
THANK YOU!!!! Melanie for all you allow God to give the world through your work.
Narp is the Narc Vaccine!!
I love Iris, that you always express yourself so eloquently and powerfully.
You provide true soul healing just through your words!
Thank goodness through NARP we can become completely inoculated to narcissists and the ongoing trauma symptoms taking hold in our Being again.
Bless you always sweetheart and I am so grateful for your profound shares that I know so many powerfully relate to.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
My dad said to me decades ago: “Carol, I know, you want to be liked by everybody, but that will never happen!! BUT, you don’t have to give a damn, either!!” Have a narc free day!!
I married a narc after knowing him for 2 years..I wanted to be ” careful”. They can OUT WAIT you, and continue to love- bomb as long as they need to. We were married for 10 years, until the wheels came off the wagon…cheating, private investigator, denial, you name it. I lost everything, I mean everything, in one day, when I left. I finally recovered after 2 years( divorce, no contact, etc).
10 months ago, I met a ” wonderful” man, whom I now suspect to be a narcissist. The relationship, I suddenly realized, was very one- sided, and because of his history of abuse as a child, I was even more convinced. He did not abuse me, and I do not regret the relationship. I learned much, and we had great times. It just was not fulfilling my needs, only his.
My question is this: do these people just float around out there in eternity..with no true connections, doomed to die alone? This person is intelligent, creative, a deep conversationalist, and good company. I ended it because he was emotionally unavailable, not able to commit, or show real affection. Such a waste.
Are they just relegated to be misfits?
Hi Janet,
narcissists don’t want what we want. They don’t want union and love.
They want narcissistic supply and significance.
There is no True Self in there to desire real connection.
Sad but true
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you.
Have a wonderful holiday season and a great New Year!
Thank you Julia,
much love and many blessings to you this holiday season
Mel 🙏💕💚
On point .
But is most a narcissistic society, or generation (after 40 single?)
Damaged ones
I am going thru detaching from narcisistic parents (overt narcisistic and mysoginist father, covert narcissist mother). both parents are toxic and will not recognize when they get toxic and are held accountable (by me) for their toxic behaviors. Mother plays the saint to my face while she trashes me to the rest of my family (I’m the scapegoated child, my sister is the golden child), father trashes me to my face, name calls me, insults me and scapegoats me in front of family and friends. I just went thru christmas hell with their toxic dynamics. I felt hated and demeaned instead of loved and appreciated by my own parents, mostly my father , my mother has become the covert she is when she decided to stay in the abusive relationship she holds with her husband (my progenitor) I have been in therapy for years and was prepared mentally for being picked at and triggered to see if I exploded in front of family and friends (which I did not as I have been trained by my therapist to ignore them when they pick on me or try to trigger me) yet, I feel the soul need to detach from my own parents….and I do not know how I am going to survive this……….I am a single parent, successful yet in their eyes I have never been a good enough daughter.
Thank you for this post.
I hope that victims will still be believed- the issue is that the gazelle didn’t choose to be so back when they didn’t know any better, and now that we know better as bisons we can choose to protect the weak, and the innocent, and help them gain their own power.
We’re all in this together.