Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Let Go Of Blame And Claim Your Personal Power

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
72
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

It is so easy when we have been hurt to move into the normal human response of ‘blaming’.

“Something feels wrong, and someone has to be responsible for this wrong feeling.”

We then quickly move into blaming.

Please understand that by ‘blaming’ I mean believing:

“I am in this circumstance because of what someone else did. What they did was wrong/immoral/etc.”

Please know I am not saying these feelings are abnormal or even that they are ‘wrong’.

I am merely observing, and trying to create an understanding, or what does and does not work in relation to recovery from pain and abuse or any form of self-improvement.

Of course we may blame someone else, or we blame our self for what went wrong.

If we are of ‘tougher stuff’ we may tend to blame others, and if we are prone to taking on guilt and responsibility, we may tend to blame our self.

I promise you blaming others was how I used to operate – that was until I discovered and realised certain facts of Energetic Law – which snapped me out of the illusion that blaming others would get me anywhere.

Most people who blame others (just as I previously didn’t), don’t realise that the feeling of ‘blame’ they are hanging on to is actually affecting and disempowering them.

You see when you ‘blame’ someone else, you overlook the potential lessons to be learned for yourself. You are waiting for someone else to change before your circumstance can improve.

Not only that, but your emotional Inner Identity actually knows no difference between you blaming yourself or others.

This is the fascinating thing about Energetic Law and how it relates to you personally, is that it is all connected, it is not logical and it is not conditional….

I’m going to prove this theory to you physically today via a muscle testing exercise.

 

The Human Condition of ‘Blaming’

We may think blaming grants us relief – but truly it cuts us off from healing and making progress in our life.

Of course it is normal response to blame – and that can be automatic – but in is stage we need to understand how and why it is not helping us in getting well, and why we need to move past it as soon as we can.

Blaming keeps you stuck in resistance, it separates you for your awareness, the gift, and your personal graduation and healing – which only occurs authentically when you know and apply: “There is a reason for this happening, and once I heal I get to move up to a level in my life where I don’t need this painful message again.”

 

When We Blame our Self

Let’s get very clear, blaming – whichever way you are doing it – does not serve you.

I really do want to make you aware the statement “I am at fault, or I refuse to be at fault”, and thinking that what has happened to you has anything to do with ‘blame and shame’ is a far cry from taking personal responsibility.

Taking person responsibility is about embracing the thinking “I know there were parts of me that needed to heal, and everything happens for a reason. By taking personal responsibility I can grow, I can learn and I can become empowered so that I never have to go through this pain again.”

Can you see the startling difference?

The blame game keeps you stuck in pain, and resistance to growth without the ability to move forward.

Taking personal responsibility immediately allows you to feel better, because you start flowing into the healing of yourself, and the results speak for themselves when you start creating and choosing a healthier and happier life.

 

How Your Energy Creates Your Personal Power

If you live your life logically and intellectually, it is going to be a struggle to automatically accept this information.

However, and if you have been aware of Energetic Law for some time, this article will take you to a deeper level of understanding of how to powerfully and truly create your life.

The purpose of this article is so you can demonstrate with yourself how Energetic Law and your thoughts / feelings are directly affecting your personal power.

The way to understand deeply what is really going with you can be achieved by the process of muscle testing, and the directions on how to do this are coming right up!

 

The Two Ways to Muscle Test

Muscle Test One (with yourself)

With your dominant hand hold your thumb and middle or index finger together (whatever feels like it will make a strong connection), and make the pressure firm.

Now, with your non dominant hand put your thumb though the ‘circle’ you have made with your dominant hand and then join your thumb up with the index finger on your non-dominant hand.

You should now have a figure 8, with your non-dominant hand thumb and index finger inside your dominant hand thumb and index (or middle) finger.

Now I want you to say to yourself this statement

“My name is (your name)”

Now whilst keeping strong pressure with your dominant hand try to break the circuit open with your non-dominant hand by quickly pulling your non-dominant thumb and finger through to try to break the circuit.

If you can’t, your answer is ‘Yes’. You will have received a ‘Yes’ for this test – you won’t be able to break the circuit.

Now make this statement: “My name is (use a different name).”

Now do the test again, making sure that you have strong pressure with your dominant hand. You will find that you will easily break the circle when you make this statement regardless of how much pressure you exert to try to keep your dominant thumb and finger ‘closed’.

Your answer, when you can break the circuit is a ‘No’.

 

Muscle Test Two (with someone else)

Have another person hold their arm out straight and get them to make a fist. Tell them to hold their arm as strongly as they can in a straight line away from their body.

Ask them to make the statement

“My name is (their name)”

Now try to push their arm down. You will find that you have to exert quite a lot of pressure to do this, or (depending on their strength) you may not even be able to do this no matter how hard you try.

Now ask them to make this statement

“My name is (a different name).”

Now do the test again, and you will find that you are able to quite easily push their arm down no matter how strongly they try to hold it in a straight line.

You can change places with this person and get them to do this test with you, and you will find that the results are identical.

 

How Statements Affect Your Personal Power and Truth

What has just occurred is a statement of truth increases personal power and strength, and a false statement decreases personal power and strength.

By using either (or both) methods of muscle testing you will be able to test whether or not your Inner Identity beliefs are aligned with any statements or not.

While doing muscle testing it is important to frame your questions in a way that you will receive a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer.

For example if a man was to hold his arm out straight and make the statement “I will be successful in my business” and his arm does not hold when pressure is exerted on it, we know he does not believe this statement deeply within himself.

And as per his Inner Identity belief that he has about himself he is not going to be successful.

His life inwardly and outwardly is going to match this lack of self-belief.

Therefore, in order for him to be successful, he must work on his Inner Identity beliefs in order to produce different outer results in his life.

So you may ask how does all of this relate to blaming?

If you know you are blaming another person for what happened to you, or if you are blaming yourself, please do the following statements as muscle tests with yourself or with another person to help.

Ifyou are not sure if you are ‘blaming’, then the first two muscle tests will help you clarify.

Please make sure you write the answers down to these muscle tests, so that you can reflect later and really feel into what is going on for you.

 

The Energy that Doesn’t Serve You

Please do these following muscle tests:

1) I am blaming (person’s name) for what happened to me

2) I am blaming myself for what happened to me

You will be very surprised to realise that it would be a usual that if you are blaming someone else – that you will also get a ‘yes’ for blaming yourself, even though you may not think you were responsible for what happened or blaming yourself at all.

You see, your Inner Identity does not separate how you feel about others from how you feel about yourself.

Your Inner Identity is universal and connects everything. And in its connection of everything you are the only common denominator.

It all reflects back to you.

Now try these next ones.

3) Whilst blaming I am able to create my own happiness and truth.

4) Whilst blaming I have to wait for someone else to fix my life for me

5) Whilst blaming someone else will fix my life for me

6) Whilst hanging on to blame I am getting well and healing

(You may be amazed at the answers you receive for these statements).

Now do this following exercise…

7) State three “I will somewhere in my life receive statements” regarding things you do want in your life (this will be personal for you).

Such as:

  • “Whilst blaming I will somewhere in  my life receive honesty in a love relationship”
  • “Whilst blaming I will somewhere in my life receive support in a  love relationship”
  • “Whilst blaming I will somewhere in my life receive decency in a love relationship”

(You be amazed at these answers – regardless of what your mind would like to think)

Please note at this point it is very important to understand that as per Energetic Law there is only energy and ‘what is’ in the moment of now.

What this means is: your energy (beliefs) in every single moment is the creator of your future.

The way you really manifest your life is not logical. It is all coming off your Inner Identity beliefs and what your energy is or isn’t doing now.

Each moment sets up every future moment.

 

The Energy that Does Serve You

Please do these following muscle tests:

1) If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I am able to create my own happiness and truth

2) If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I don’t have to wait for someone else to fix my life for me

3) If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I am getting well and healing

Now do this following exercise…

4)      State three “I will somewhere in my life receive statements” regarding things you do want in your life (and this will be personal for you).

Such as:

  • If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I will somewhere in my life receive honesty in a love relationship
  • If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I will somewhere in my life receive support in a love relationship
  • If I take responsibility, and heal and empower myself, I will somewhere in my life receive decency in a love relationship

Are you amazed at the results you had in these muscles tests?

Are you amazed at how your body speaks to you and is telling you your truth?

Can you see how blaming is tearing you down and holding you separated from where you really want to be, and what you really want to create?

I’d love to hear your answers in the comments!

 

People ask “How do I stop the hurt and the blaming for what happened to me?”

The answer is very simple:

Take the responsibility to heal and empower yourself.

After all – your body just told you the results that will produce if you do.

 

(Visited 1,839 times, 1 visits today)
The following two tabs change content below.
Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

Your Free New Life Starter Pack

2 free eBooks free intro Video 2 hour free Webinar
  • Find out if someone in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
  • Learn how to do “No Contact” and keep it for good.
  • Discover how to get relief from the pain.
  • Learn how to reclaim your life with my 10-step process.

Sign up below to join my Community of over 50,000 people, and receive weekly information, inspiration and tools to get your life back on track.

ssl security padlock   We value your privacy. Your information will never be shared.
72 Thoughts on How To Let Go Of Blame And Claim Your Personal Power
  • saralou_d@yahoo.com'
    Sara
    October 17, 2012

    Great article and I did try the muscle tests. I find that I no longer blame but I still tend to judge my narc at times. Could you consider addressing this issue? Your work is a tremendous help.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 17, 2012

      Hi Sara,

      I am glad you liked the article!

      Yes definitely judgement still falls into the category of handing our power over.

      Acceptance is ‘you do that (or did that) because you are narcissistic) I accept and allow you to be you – and my power lies in defining and creating my own life’.

      I hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  • rick@bamboodownunder.com.au'
    Lisa
    October 17, 2012

    Could you please forward How to to No Contact, and The Truth to the above email.
    thankyou kindly

    Lisa

  • aquua@me.com'
    Irene Madrid
    October 17, 2012

    Hmm, it’s strange because it has worked for others but when I did this with a psychologist, she could not push my arms down even when it wasn’t the truth. I AM an athlete and muscular and very strong. ( Think gymnast, because that’s what I am built like..little and strong). So, what gives? Are there other tests?

    Instead of blame I think,” Behaviors happened because of childhood wounds and we all have them . Some of us are brave enough to look at them and make changes and some people have been so wounded their narcissit emptiness cannot be healed.”

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    October 17, 2012

    Hi Irene,

    yes it can occasionally not work for people.

    That is generally because they are thinking rather than feeling a statement.

    Muscle testing is muscle testing, therefore another process isn’t going to grant you a different result.

    My suggestion is to feel the statements knowing your arm is straight and strong, and take your awareness ‘inside you’ rather than to your arm when saying a statement.

    See how this goes for you!

    Yes absolutely this is so true…and even with this awareness it is very important not to hold blame for our parents, or ourself for allowing abuse, or even being born into a family of abuse etc. etc…..and of course the ‘blame’ feelings may be deeply unconscious and not ‘logical’.

    You are definitely on the right track with your philosophy.

    Maybe try the muscle test with my suggestion and come back and report the results!

    Mel xo

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 17, 2012

    Hi Mel, I too am strong physically and I did the hand muscle test, but couldn’t break through with either yes or no, so possibly I am thinking or focusing on holding my fingers together, rather than feeling into the questions. Will give it another go tonight.

    Also, blame is such a common thing people do every day, and I see it with people who don’t take responsibility for their life, the pig-headed ones, people in resistance. It seems easier for them to blame someone else for their behaviour. I had a lady at my studio blame me yesterday for a mistake she actually made with one of my items that sold. Since doing NARP I didn’t react but simply said, ‘if you think it is correct then that is your decision’ personally I know it is not’. I left it be as it was not worth the grief if trying to challenge her to prove I was right. Early days, I would have got really worked up and defended myself until I got what I wanted, proving I was right. The blame game is huge with Narcs, as you would agree.

    I like the saying “That is your opinion and you are entitled to it…it is not mine, so as far as I am concerned, that is your stuff” 🙂 Will practice the muscle test again and let you know how it worked. xo Jac

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 17, 2012

    One more thing is I noticed my ex used to ‘blame’ everyone for his mistakes for eg: If he was late paying his Telstra bill, he would blame them for over charging him and the list went on with that scenario, he bought a new bike and when it went in for a service, it came back with what he believed was a tiny mark (so small the human eye could not see it, so it probably wasn’t really there)…it was such a big issue, he ‘blamed’ the shop owner for marking the bike, and refused to ever go back. Same with the couch, the tv, everything literally was everyone elses fault, if there was a flaw in the item. I got blamed for ‘him knocking my tea cup, spilling onto his poster’ as why would I be so stupid to put it there! He actually was careless where he has put the poster, knocking my cup. Lots of stuff which doesn’t need any more description and the more he blamed someone else, the more negative he became and the more he attracted problems in his life.

    I totally agree with taking responsibility and from my new healing have seen how when we do that, how everything seems to change for the better in every way. I believe we are responsible for everything that happens in our life good and bad, or at least we play a huge part in how our life works or doesn’t work, but the way we think.
    Hope this is accurate. Big kiss X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 17, 2012

      Hey Jac,

      With you strong people don’t make the circle so firm….relax it a little and you will get a difference between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ especially if you feel the statement ‘inside’…

      Yes you are right on track with personal responsibility Jac 🙂

      Mel xo

      • jacsplat@msn.com'
        Jac
        October 17, 2012

        I had such a strong grip, my fingers started to ache! haha! So I couldn’t hold my circle at all! 🙂

      • Regina.mcconnell@tyson.com'
        Reg
        October 18, 2012

        Jac – Loved your story. Same deal here! It is nice to know I am not along. I do blame myself for not seeing it sooner. I blame my self for letting him treat me that way. When anyone is blamed for everything wrong in a relationship or life it is easy to believe you are the problem. My ex NEVER made a mistake in his whole life. Well, I take that back….I pretty sure he realizes he lost the best thing ever happend to him by now. NOT! But I do and that is what matter. Me and what I believe. Loved the article. We all rock on….sing and dance and smile. Uncle Kracker and Kid rock – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06WM8oLH87M

        • kaleocolt@gmail.com'
          sharon
          October 18, 2012

          I must be nice going through life never doing anything wrong( like a narcissist) The morning he was leaving (i had kicked him out) He said ” I really hate thinking this is all my fault” so sobbing I said then blame me! I must have done something really bad for you to take away all you did that meant so much, and was so dear to my heart! And even when I begged for you to do those things for me again you wouldn’t so I must have been really really bad! He said nothing! I was sobbing and he said nothing! That’s when I knew something wasn’t right about him! No empathy. It was before I learned about narcissists! Now I get it!

        • jacsplat@msn.com'
          Jac
          October 18, 2012

          Hi Reg ☺
          It is very important to know that when we blame ourselves, feel the words ‘I blame myself for…(fill in the blanks), it only creates a less than feeling inside us, which leaves us disempowered. Since working with NARP I have learnt to shift feelings of blame to feeling and knowing that ‘I have deep down issues which ‘contributed’ to my relationship not working out, as I attracted this person due to my unhealed parts’. I believe we did the best with the resources that were there at the time and there is no reason to blame yourself. It is not the Narcs fault either as they have limited resources because they are Narcissists.
          It is not our fault they project their damage onto us.
          When I started to take full responsibility for myself and started digging to find what it was or is about me, my outer world has changed quite profoundly and very quickly thanks to Mel’s beautiful gift and tireless work to help us find the answers.

          So enough blaming yourself, which hands over your power and forgive yourself, then you will be able to forgive him and accept the gift he has given you. Thanks for your lovely comment too. (((Hug))) ❤

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 17, 2012

    Something else I just thought off…(on a roll)!! A very common saying is ‘he MAKES me FEEL happy, sad, angry or whatever you want to throw in. It MAKES me feel better, if I drink or smoke…or a big one I was blamed for a few months ago is, this person said ‘It is because of you forcing me to give up smoking, that now I feel stressed and can’t cope’ Instead of that person taking responsibility in their part in why it was ‘suggested’ they give up smoking, this person blamed someone else (me) for them feeling they had no control.

    So the statements ‘he/she makes me (fill in the blanks)etc. We are expecting other people or the outside world to make us feel whole, and when something goes wrong, then it is their fault, or because of that, that I feel empty.
    I have always looked at my mistakes and part in what happens in life and I never blame anyone directly for me feeling a certain way, that is all happening inside me. Narcs on the other hand are brilliant at blame. x

  • katecharlestown@gmail.com'
    charlie
    October 17, 2012

    I am rather confused, still. Its been 4 years since my marriage ended, and i still can’t find a want or a way to move forward. I blame me, and I blame my mother for giving me a victim type mentality towards my relationship, which he said i had. and i really am stuck. I dont want anything else. I had what I wanted and I lost everything. I blame myself mostly, and I just feel lI have no dreams to motivate me to something new.

    • Regina.mcconnell@tyson.com'
      Reg
      October 18, 2012

      Charlie: Write. Get a dairy and write. My counselor told me that. And I remembered how I did keep a dairy and had quit. We are who we are and we are all different.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Charlie,

      yes it does feel awful when we are stuck in blame. Charlie the truth is only you can change the way you feel, and this means committing to working on yourself, and getting help.

      There is a way out but you have to make the choice – otherwise it is only going to feel like ‘more of the same’.

      We are only stuck when we are not doing something to get unstuck for ourselves.

      I hope with all of my heart that you make that choice for yourself.

      Mel xo

  • katecharlestown@gmail.com'
    charlie
    October 17, 2012

    I failed myself.

  • ejh7454@clearwire.net'
    EJ
    October 17, 2012

    Christian centering prayer offers a great way to stop blaming yourself for having unhealed issues. People new to centering prayer often find that all the unhealed junk comes up out of the subconscious pretty quickly. The appropriate greeting for it is “Welcome, pain!” This is followed by a little prayer to thank your Higher Power for the opportunity to recognize and heal your limiting beliefs and damaged parts.

    I am in the midst of healing my self blame and self hatred. It took a two-year relationship with a narc to show me the depths of these issues. I’m narc free, grateful to him, grateful to be without him, and happy to be on my way to treating myself and others with the love and respect we all deserve. Loving and respecting myself means making good choices. It also means that I say “Welcome, pain!” quite a bit these days! But I am really getting glimpses of how life is beginning to lead me through all this. Just as Melanie says, all life begins to conspire with you to bring about healing. I look forward to the day when I will truly be enough for myself and the conscious creator of my own life. It’s coming. It’s starting. It’s worth it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi EJ,

      it is wonderful that you are committing to yourself.

      And yes it is so true that after being abused we do get to define and create who we are and can take responsibility to do so.

      And that is a wonderful gift, and all meant to be.

      Keep up the great work.

      Mel xo

  • suzyvegas1@gmail.com'
    Tracy Johnson
    October 17, 2012

    The figure 8 finger circle didnt work for me. I cant get the difference between thinking and feeling as I know what my name is. Perhaps I will try with someone else

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Tracy,

      yes relax the grip a little, and / or try with someone else.

      Good luck!

      Mel xo

  • pomykris@y7mail.com'
    Christine
    October 17, 2012

    Charlie, Please follow on with Melanie’s recovery program, I too left a marriage 4 years ago a 30 year marriage of emotional, physical and mental abuse – however, in the last 4 years I have followed this program, and I now have the perspective that I have what I have always wanted now, peace and harmony in my life, no more struggling with whose fault it was, that actually is irrelevant. I worked with the recovery program for many months and realised that enough years had been wasted rehashing all that occurred in that marriage and I now know that it is my responsibility to forgive myself and the N if I want to live my life in freedom and peace I must never think of myself as a victim. I also realised that there was a reason I felt entitled to the “victim role”, given the abuse that occured however, that perspective was disempowering and was not helping me in my goal of being able to live my life peacefully and happily. I still long for the day that I will be in a loving, happy supportive relationship, but I know that this will only occur when I have fully healed and am able to trust, that is a responsibility towards myself that I am working on now. Please also take heed of the advice that NARCs are very convincing and are able to minimise your feelings and leaave you feeling unworthy, undeserving and guilty simply because if your light is dimmed their own shines brighter, and by undermining your self-esteem and inherent value they are able to feel powerful. I do hope you find peace within yourself soon and are able to rediscover your wonmderful self.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      thank you for encouraging Charlie.

      That is so true, as per the inner work with NARP, the issue of ‘blame’ does become another Universe away.

      Rather we really just get to define and create ‘what is’ or ‘what is not’ My Reality.

      It is wonderful that you are well on the way to becoming ‘who’ you wish to receive in love.

      And yes we all do have a ‘wonderful’ True Self to claim and ‘be’, that is the goal!

      Thank you for sharing.

      Mel xo

  • k.juggins28@yahoo.co.uk'
    kelly
    October 18, 2012

    Hi all- Thank you mel – very useful article. The muscle test was interesting and stirred up a lot of emotions for me. I blamed my self for almost everything- (i learnt this from him) see even that is blaming lol, it is difficult to move from blame- however i agree that taking responsibility is helpful.

    I seem to be dipping in an out of blame, anger, resentment and hate! however i do at times feel indifferent. The idiot has contacted again since the last time i posted with all his lies and bull shit! ‘loves me’ ‘cant live with out me’ bla bla bla- even tried to imply i knew he has changed! How would i know i hadn’t spoke to him for 6 months and now his all words! I am curious and feel like i want to get my revenge – however i am not going to- he is not worth it.
    I have lots of support and while it is easy to fall back into the cycle of doom i am holding onto myself as tightly as i can- there is no way i am doing this all over again! i value me to much an my life- I find affirming helps. Thanks again x x x

    • Regina.mcconnell@tyson.com'
      Reg
      October 18, 2012

      Kelly – That is great! Love you attitude. It is difficult. You go girl!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Kelly,

      you are very welcome, and I am glad you found the article helpful!

      The truth is taking personal responsibility is essential – it is the only way through to creating a great and healthy, happy life.

      Really seriously consider doing the inner work on you – and then the struggle with dipping in and out will start becoming a straight line (with much less dips) towards full recovery where he (and his behaviour and games) becomes Not Your Reality and you will become an inner match for the love and the partner that you truly desire.

      Mel xo

  • Trueblueberrys@adelphia.net'
    Amy
    October 18, 2012

    I gave forgiveness far too long~ far too many hurts and those ‘assaults on my psyche (greek word for ‘soul’) led me down into a pit of Chaos & Confusion.

    Questions arose:
    How could I have been so wrong? How could this person that I love so deeply, this person I am so good to- hurt me so deeply? When did things change from being “the best thing that ever happened to him? (I was romancing the illusion)

    I think we tend to nurture and forgive out of love. Accumulated hurts erode the ‘fantasy’ and the ‘fantasy’ has a detrimental effect on the ‘loving soul’ and the sense of ‘well-being’.

    At some point we need to realize the pain being inflicting comes from within~ I was trapped in an illusion of what I believed LOVE ‘should’ be. At some point ‘enough pain’ resonates and the realization hits hard – “It’s me that is chained to a life of pain~ “I am the one inflicted pain upon myself”.

    I’ve grown with Melanie’s help~ I still have days where I miss the “fantasy”, but all I have to do is think about any one of the hundreds of painful experiences and I ‘snap’ out of the illusion.

    I am happy being alone (a clue of how much pain I was in). I am happy knowing I NOW have choices that were taken from me via Lies & Deceit. At the end of the day I will have a healthy relationship and I’d rather wait for the ‘right’ person.

    It’s a blessing to wake up and remove the veil of naivety.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Amy,

      thank you for your post.

      It is so true that it is the illusions of love that keep us in pain.

      When we can accept the truth that what we had was not healthy, safe or authentic love – then we know we can let go and heal ourself to ‘be’ and then receive the real love we desire.

      And we also can know that we are responsible to ourselves to create this. It is great that you are taking this responsibility on.

      Great job!

      Mel xo

  • mbi@nikolas-group.com'
    Maryanna
    October 18, 2012

    Thanks for writing your blog…it’s enormously helpful! I must say it is difficult not to blame, particularly when one finally realizes the negative impact on one’s life by the narcissist and also one’s own past inability to see and prevent such abuse before it causes major damage to one’s life and personality.

    This is not directly related to blaming, but I wonder if you could comment on passive-agressive behavior. Is it an extension of narcissism and/or can it co-exist in an individual and how does one act to protect one’s children from a parent with one or both afflictions?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Maryanna,

      you are very welcome!

      Yes it is difficult to not blame – but as per the article it truly does not serve us.

      If someone has hurt us and wronged us and we suffered, then if they do not have the resources to be healthy and safe then we need to accept that and move on to become and create these things for ourself…and know that we will not accept what we previously did ever again.

      If they didn’t provide safety and repair (and as per narcissist’s they simply don’t have the resources to) then it is not their ‘fault’.

      Everyone is simply doing the best they can with what they have – and your happiness and life does not depend on any specific person fixing it for you.

      In regard to passive-aggressive, I would need a more specific example. Suffice to say narcissists will use all sorts of avoidance techniques to avoid being real, honest, direct or genuinely supportive. It is all about the narcissist and his or her False Self (mask).

      In regard to your children please find two resources that will grant you so much more information than there is room to provide in this blog reply.

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-help-your-children-wh-are-affected-by-narcissists/
      http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2012/08/07/q-a–how-do-we-heal-our-children

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • kaleocolt@gmail.com'
    sharon
    October 18, 2012

    I’m not sure I am doing it right..I can break the chain, but it’s my non dominate hand that opens..not my dominate hand. I have done 7 of the programs in the NARP..I feel calmer, I have forgiven…not forgotten! But by forgiving, I don’t have anger and therefor I think about him in a more positive way. I think about him now more then I did before I started the NARP program. Am I not getting it? Has anyone else found this? Yet when I look back on the relationship I wonder what is the draw? Because it wasn’t fun. Maybe it was just having someone to share time with, not being alone. And hearing the nice things he would say I liked hearing! Right now I’m just feeling very confused, and I’m trying to figure out what was the draw and what is the hold. He is kind of a creepy guy that none of my friends liked. They told me after we broke up..there was just something about him that wasn’t right! It surprised me because I thought everyone liked him! He is also a hoarder…is that common with narcissist?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Sharon,

      if you are getting a definite ‘yes’ and ‘no’ this way that you can verify as ‘correct’ – then yes that is working for you.

      It is great that NARP is helping you emotionally and that you are really committed to it.

      Yes Sharon, it is usual and expected that you are going to be thinking about ‘him’ whilst doing NARP because the healings are about focusing on him to be able to release and heal the pain.

      It has to be fully embraced, and ‘realised’ to be transformed.

      The difference is as you stated the thoughts are getting cleaner, you are calmer and the anger and the hooks are therefore subsiding.

      Eventually you will be able to think about him as observation – as neutral thoughts without any emotional charges or hooks.

      Just keep going with what you doing and keeping your focus on healing you.

      You’re doing great – and try not to analyse the process too much. Trust yourself to ‘be’ and trust the process – because it really does works.

      Mel xo

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    October 18, 2012

    HI Mel,

    I want to take NARP, and I have 2 questions. I figured others may have the some questions so I posted them here:

    – AU to US dollars, is the $120 program roughly equivalent? It is when I looked at the conversion rate today, but I have no idea really. And I need to watch every cent right now.

    – I see it ships, basically how long does it usually take from AU to US? Is there internet access instead?

    THANK YOU for everything. I am really not making progress, I feel I “get it” but then I don’t. So much wasted energy, and yet if I didn’t have this level of trauma right now I would say I am strong and smart and can cope well enough on my own.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi BH,

      I see in the post below that you found the currency converter.

      All of the products are digital. Upon ordering they are immediate downloads. The address fields in the shopping cart are simply compulsory fields to fill in.

      You are so welcome for my help!

      Mel xo

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    October 18, 2012

    Mel,

    I revisited your page and saw the CONVERSION counter. I also saw some digital books. Here’s my story:

    I am stuck and making myself weaker. I am basically obsessing and my energy span is short for real work. I am unemployed and need to find work so of course that adds to my feeling of powerlessness. I used to love my work but those budgets are gone and I need to re-invent myself, thus I am taking classes.

    I just recently became angry at my N, I am in NC but obsessing all the time. I know I need to heal myself inside and it’s not about the outside, I get it. But the reality is I slip back.

    So, with money so tight does the digital program or the QF work better for me?

    I am single and live in my own place (as long as I can pay the mortage that is) and I have no real threat from N. Mainly because of NC. But previously I would not give N any reaction because I didn’t want to satisfy him. The point being I was not true to myself by eroding even my responses to him. So, this is where I am.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi BH,

      Yes the obsession is unfortunately such a common and painful symptom of narc abuse – and I empathise with your greatly.

      You will find that NARP will help you so much with this, and you will heal.

      Mel xo

  • chronicfatigueshop@hotmail.com'
    KAROL
    October 18, 2012

    I got the muscle testing and it was a good indication and confirmation, that I was still blaming the narc for hurting me.
    Not too sure how to let it go.
    Intellectually I know simply to stop blaming him (especially when he spent 25 years blaming me and I can see how hurtful that was) So I know I need to heal and release the blaming him for his narc lifestyle. The decision for divorce is only recent so things are still getting adjusted in my head. But I need to know how to stop blaming him for the hurt he has caused. Can anyone clarify?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2012

      Hi Karol,

      It is good that you recognise that you do need to heal past the blaming, given the freedom, love and joy you do want to create in your life. (As we all do).

      The answer to stop blaming is to heal those parts of us that are caught in the obsession – the addiction to pain – (the victim peptides) and the inner identity issues that keep us hooked and gravitating into powerlessness…that’s the way we do break free.

      Please look at my healing program (NARP) that is specifically created to provide that breakthrough.

      You will find the details to the right of this blog.

      I hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 18, 2012

    Hi Reg, answered your message above today ☺❤

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    October 19, 2012

    Hi Melanie,

    I just started NARP and there were tears of joy/relief. You truly are a gifted guide. My friends don’t get it, tell me to move on though the pain, and I can’t. But you see it all, validate, then supply the solution.

    Just a question on something you wrote in NARP, “Psychic contact” and “undergoing significant psychic attack,” then I may not be going crazy? I saw him in a store, long story short we interacted, later on I saw him off in the distance, seated with his head tilted up, gazing off with a look of deep deep concentration.

    My instinct (reflex, before I had time to think) said he was doing something psychic like I’ll get you back you are still mine, then I thought no way he just has this I’m-so-innocent mask on so I don’t disturb him with people nearby because I walked off angry and very curt.

    On top of peptides I’ve been delivering to myself—there may be this too? I do remember more than a few times intently missing him them receiving an unplanned call right afterward.

    Up til now I thought I was going nuts to make this connection. But really, a psychic connection too? This would explain a lot.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2012

      Hi BH,

      I am so glad you have the Program, and you feel validated regarding what you have been going through.

      Oh yes ‘energy’ is a very powerful unseen thing, and there is a very powerful energetic ‘psychic’ tie that occurs with the narcissist – really as well as anyone (narcissistic or non-narcissistic) who shares our emotional space intimately.

      Regarding the narcissist specifically, it has to be remembered that they are in fact ‘energy suckers’, for them – in regard to us – it is all about narcissistic supply.

      The truth is that even by obsessing about a narcissist (even if we uphold No Contact) we are still feeding the narcissist energy and being drained of our own. And the narcissist does receive a ‘feed’ from this.

      During personal sessions with people recovering from narc abuse, and clearing with QFH the emotional attachments to the narcissist, and bringing these people into their own power, I cannot tell you how many times the narcissist has sent a text message straight after this happens.

      And NC may not have been happening for weeks, months or even years.

      This is no coincidence. The narcissist feels their ‘line’ of narcissist supply be disconnected (probably unconsciously rather than consciously) and throws a hook out to try and reconnect it.

      So no, you are not going mad!

      It is so important to realise that narcissistic abuse is not just a physiological phenomenon (our peptide addiction, damaged brain wiring) it is also a psychic (energetic) phenomenon – hence why it often does require deep and powerful metaphysical (energetic) solutions to overcome. Ones that address the inner healing in such a way as to disconnect your power being sucked out by the narcissist, and so it can be reinstated back to your personal self (Source) state.

      Narcissists can only hook up with us, feed and get narcissistic supply if and when we are not fully connected to Source (True Self / Authentic Power).

      Once we do establish our True connection a narcissist truly has no power over us – and we have no ‘attraction’ or pull towards them. We break free.

      I hope this help explains!

      Mel xo

  • chronicfatigueshop@hotmail.com'
    KAROL
    October 19, 2012

    Thank you so much Melanie for your answer, and I need to also thank you so much for your amazing dedication to helping people who have had NPD experiences, if it was not for your work I would still be in major confusion and still searching for relief and answers, I feel in pain but I feel centered and strong, which you could not ask for more after being abused for 25 years. And by the way my CFS symptoms have improved dramatically. Thank you so very much Melanie. You are an inspiration.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2012

      Hi Karol,

      thank you for your lovely post and comments.

      You are very welcome, and I am so glad you are well on your way to being healed, free and empowered.

      That is wonderful that your symptoms have improved so much – this is a true testimony that you are coming into your True Self power.

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    October 19, 2012

    Mel,

    On the powerful energetic ‘psychic’ tie — he unconsciously knows he is zeroing in on me, and when someone else? Your example of the text message seems to state this.

    Finally I can get mad and put up the barriers. I had no idea what I was fighting! Along with NARP, I can imagine a pleasant safe place and I am wrapped up warm in there, this will help?

    Amazingly, what he said to me once early on was when I’m thinking of something happy and he’s not there he wants me to think of him. Then, much later during one Silent Treatment he said he thought of me every day. I certainly did too. Jeez.

    Is all this true? If yes, you have just empowered me again — I can put up an imaginary shield, as you described for yourself Arch Angel Michael.

    And I thought I’m going nuts and completely losing it. Sometimes I feel a presence almost like a person in the next room. If I turn my head I expect to see someone, a scary feeling of someone there not a safe “person”. Freaky.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2012

      Hi BH,

      Yes narcs (I do believe) understand how powerfully their energy affects other people, because they have been using these ‘strategies’ to get narc supply successfully for some time.

      Yes definitely imagining and using the processes in the Self Care eBook will assist, but truly the real and powerful disconnection from him on every level (including psychically) will occur from working through the MP3 Modules in NARP.

      Hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  • theneurotictalesoftrixie@hotmail.com'
    Trixie
    October 19, 2012

    You have a wonderful website Melanie, and I plan on coming here often to read your writings. Very informative and helpful!

    I am the adult child of not one, but two narcissist parents. It’s been truly awful to deal with.

    I’ve started to blog about my experiences, as I feel like this is the only way to conquer these demons.

    Thanks so much for all the terrific info!

    Trixie 🙂

  • theneurotictalesoftrixie@hotmail.com'
    Trixie
    October 19, 2012

    For anyone who’d like to read about my experiences with narcissism, please visit http://theneurotictalesoftrixie.blogspot.com.

    I hope it’s okay that I posted this.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2012

      Hi Trixie,

      thank you for your post, and you are very welcome!

      You are more than welcome to share your blog here. 🙂

      Mel xo

      • theneurotictalesoftrixie@hotmail.com'
        Trixie
        October 20, 2012

        Thank you so much Mel, that is so nice of you. I am totally blown away by the fact that you actually reply to your visitors! That is so amazing and wonderful.
        Thank you so much for your kindness.
        – Trixie 🙂

  • aadamski2@aol.com'
    BH
    October 19, 2012

    Trixie,

    Perhaps place a banner ad for Mel could be there. I KNOW Mel’s program will work for me — NARP is empowering me already.

    I am so glad you are laughing and have a beautiful family. I do like your blog!

    • theneurotictalesoftrixie@hotmail.com'
      Trixie
      October 20, 2012

      Thanks BH, for taking time to read my blog! That was so nice of you!
      I just got started at Blogspot and didn’t know that I could put a banner up. If I can, I sure could post a banner for Mel
      – Trixie 🙂

  • Wednesday2709@gmail.com'
    Wendy
    October 20, 2012

    It’s only been 4 months since my N posted on Facebook that he was going from married to single as a means of telling me the relationship was over, heart destroying.
    At the same time I worked out that he was talking late at night to another women, he need someone just for him to confide in, I thought that was my role as a wife or maybe his best mate. I know now it was him just lining the next victim up, as now it would appear they are together even though she’s married to someone else.
    Everything is my fault, him smashing his car while drunk after he left me because I made him angry. The list goes on and on.
    He tells me constantly that our friends all hate me and never want to see me, but also says he doesn’t talk to anyone else about me ever so a bit of a contradiction there. Stupid me gets sucked into this one all the time.
    We have been trying to do a property settlement, and he puts down rules, and tells me “do not raise your voice to me ” ” do not call me names” ” do not tell me what to do” ” do not mention anything to do with our relationship ” ” do not mention our friends because they are now his friends only ” so it pretty much gone no where because as soon as I open he blames me for breaking one of the above.
    As of yesterday I have a lawyer on it, it’s going to cost money now but I will not let him ruin my financial , I worked to hard for what I bought in to the relationship, but the lawyer can deal with the whole thing.
    I hate that he could be and more than likely is dragging our friends into be his next victims but I’ve tried to warn them and they just see this all round nice guy that’s so much fun and is having great life, and then they see me, struggling to come to grips with a Narc, and yes I’ve told those that I think should know that’s what he is.
    The way people are though I’m sure they think I’m lying or it me trilingual to discredit him , the stupid thing is most of our friends can see he now with a married women and think that’s OK as well because they are both such lovely people, I can’t win.
    I think I’m at a point where I can do the no contact now, because it just making me crazy now dealing with his ways and now the girlfriend in my face as well. I can’t do that to mysel.

    • mindblowin1976@gmail.com'
      Archi
      January 18, 2013

      I do understand what you are going threw your story sounds like mine to the T I have started the narp and I can say that I do feel better but some days I feel like Im going crazy cant get up for work, dont want to go to my son games only because every time I go outside the house And I mean EVERYTIME I go out I run into him if not by himself or with her, and my family thinks Im crazy until my father was with me one day and seem that almost every corner and almost every street they where there I dont know what to do so I just stay in the house because its to much for to go out…..But I wil

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 20, 2012

    Hi Wendy,
    One of my parents lost everything, house, cars, our horses (broke my heart) every thing she had worked her whole life to build and as a single parent. This person met, fell in love with a compulsive gambler and trusted in him, letting him into our life and into her finances. One thing she did know and that was ‘it is not important to fight for every cent but more important to walk away alive, and if you can settle on with your lawyer in keeping a few important items and some money, what is rightfully yours then that is all you need. It happened twice sadly for her and the lesson learned was a painful one, but we did recover.

    I am glad you are working with a Lawyer and Melanie may agree with my advice to really start working on yourself, empowering yourself through healing so that you don’t hand over any more power to him.
    Since starting NARP, and reading No Contact has woken me up to ‘it really doesnt matter what he says, they say, think or do, it only matters what I think of me’ and that I give myself the best chance at recovery to be empowered, so he is nothing more than an insect that I brush away. I was feeling so disempowered when looking at FB, going through his friends list, seeing his ex girlfriends and other women there which only created me conjuring up scenarios in my mind. Now I have blocked him and couldn’t care less about him because I know he will never have my soul, my integrity or my light again.

    So Wendy block him out, let the Lawyers deal with him, and enjoy your healing. I get excited when I start a QF session as I have felt and know how good it feels to come home to me. I have even started attracting new friends which are more of a match for me. ❤☺

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 20, 2012

    Wendy one more thing regarding the power of energy and attracting good or bad in our life…I always say ‘THE Narc’ not ‘MY Narc’ as by saying ‘MY’ it is taking ownership of something or an energy that isn’t yours creating a more personal attachment to IT.
    Another example is by saying ‘THE’ disease in my body is better than ‘MY’ disease, making IT more easily rid of as that is all it is. That is only my opinion from experience and knowledge of how powerful the two meanings are. One has lesser impact on feeling. X

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 20, 2012

    Wendy again ☺ Your true friends and people who care genuinely about you will know the truth. His mask will not hold in the end. When we empower ourselves and start to heal, you will be amazed at how things are attracted to your new energy. We receive and attract exactly what we give off, including behaviours in our friends or whomever. Keep healing and finding your magic light. I have learnt all of this from Melanie and it is now being backed up with real experiences. X (((hug)))

  • Wednesday2709@gmail.com'
    Wendy
    October 20, 2012

    Thanks Jac I am hearing and believing what your saying and I know the lack of moving forward to heal me is my own hands, and currently I’m the only one holding myself back.

    I know all the things I should and shouldn’t be doing, but until this point with the lawyer yesterday, it was just like he is winning on all levels and that just made me want to fight back, which I also realise was just feeding his need for attention and control. I have read ” How to do no contact” but I think it was at a time when I just wasn’t ready to do it, my goal for the evening is to re read it and empower myself again to actually do it now I know I have someone dealing with the other stuff for me.
    Is it normal for THE Narc to have massive mood swings during the course of one 4 minute conversation? And what, where does that fit in.

    Two days ago during our last conversation IT went from screaming at me as soon as he answered the phone to laughing uncontrollably at me , to speaking like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, what’s this about.???

    I’m finding it completely time consuming just trying to predict where the next attack is going to come from, even when I do no contact for 4-5 days he then finds a way to get to me, using different phones etc. It has become total absorbing of my time and energy.

    I KNOW NO CONTACT it’s the only way, right.

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 20, 2012

    Dear Wendy, The answer to you first question is Yes, they do tend to change very quickly from Jeckyl to Hyde during a conversation to throw you off balance and cause confusion within, so they are in control at all times. The more we bite and respond, the more they get. I had the same issues when I was living with THE Narc in that every conversation turned into a ride to hell and back, I just couldn’t make sense of the mood changes, but then ‘Bi-polar’ tendencies, massive highs and lows are common with them. Best to breath and ignor them as it is just a hook to push your buttons. There is one thing I would recommend Wendy is use the words Melanie has provided for us, as I posted above which is “That is your opinion and you are entitled to it, it is not mine, so as far as I am concerned, that is your stuff” and don’t play the game after that-end the conversation right there. By trying to make sense of it, you are only going to drain your energy, giving it to them.

    Always know it is the fact they are Narcissists and don’t think like we do. They couldn’t care less what you have to say or care about your opinion, so you may as well not say anything.

    I highly recommend listening to Melanie’s Radio shows-one in particular that helped me to accept them for what they are…It is on page 26 or 28 in archives, not sure, but it is an interview with Lisa E Scott on Narcissism. Great listening and Melanie I am sure, if you ask her will give you a lot more feedback, help and info on what you need to do, and she will say do NARP. I would love t if everyone just tried it, for us mainly but to give her something back for her tireless work. I am only saying it from my experiences and because it works incredibly quickly.

    The second Question I can’t answer, as I am just not qualified to know the psychology behind it other then they do these things, treat us bad, confuse us, split between Jeckyl and Hyde because they are Narcissists. Accepting this makes it easier to get onto taking the focus off them and onto ourselves.

    Wendy, time to stop trying to predict the next attack, as you are handing over your energy by doing this and they can sense that, strangely (another psychology lesson on them using our energy to get supply) and it is up to you, not him to change you. You will never change him. Your time and energy is to focus and heal yourself. NARP Programme is the only way you are going to get anywhere as Melanie has said over again in every post nearly. I am finding myself not even thinking about him now and if I do, I have absolutely no ‘charge’ or feelings on it. They are not worth putting so much focus on. The more you do the more he gets supply from you even if you are not living together. NO CONTACT means ‘having nothing to do with him’ and leave the Lawyers with doing the contacting. I would warn the Lawyer what he/she is up against or the Narc may get through him or her by manipulation. Empower yourself now, take the time to work with NARP (costs less than a cup of coffee a day), as you will only have one shot at getting everything you want, so make it count the first time.
    Big (((hug))) enough of him, more focus on you. xx

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    October 20, 2012

    Oh and Wendy, look under the articles and find the 3 videos on ‘How the Phenomenon of Narc abuse occurs and how you can overcome it’ It will explain why you keep feeling the need to contact him or respond to him, however he comes through at you. When I look back now, it has only been 3 months of NO CONTACT but since starting NARP only a month ago! I have cleared most of my issues relating to the abuse from the relationship. I am now working on deep deep DNA Programming and other issues which have come to light, thanks to the gift THE Narc gave me, in finding my unhealed parts. x

  • lusalight5@yahoo.com'
    Lucita
    October 21, 2012

    Hi Melanie,

    I was having some fun blogging about a TV celebrity that I enjoyed, along comes others
    blaming,hating,saying the most crude things.
    I decided to ask one questions. A mother of 6 she blamed this TV celebrity for affecting her life and encouraged her children to hate too.

    So, then you post this topic and I have learned so much, as to have compassion for this mother.
    I am doing the exercises…for I do know this situation has presented itself to me for my own healing.
    wow we just had a strong earthquake Californya…warnings.

    Thank Melanie, you are an Angel

  • dgroom1@bigpond.com'
    Deb
    October 21, 2012

    Hi Mel
    I have so many words and still have no voice. I know that that the last narc attack was about me. I allowed him into my life after promising myself that I would never let it happen to me again. I did it anyway. I didn’t align with me. I got caught up in what doesn,t serve me. Everything I thought was me was used against me. I gave me away because of my less than beliefs and blame. No more the sitting duck. Thank You Mel I nearly lost me again. I have done no contact and he still comes to my workplace and texts me. I will not provide his relief EVER.

  • Wednesday2709@gmail.com'
    Wendy
    October 21, 2012

    Jac,

    Thanks, just thanks your words to me have been very supportive and have given me much more power to try and deal with this situation.

    Come hell or high water, there will be no supply of my energy for anyone else but me from this point forward. I have put in place a support plan with my best friend and I know she want let me fail, and that going to be an awesome start.

  • sunflowerinjuly82@gmail.com'
    Maya
    October 23, 2012

    Melanie,
    THanks for all your material and help, everything makes so much sense now and I’m understanding issues I have strggled with my whole life. I bought many of your products and have found them extremely helpful, but I’m encoutering the same hurdle each time I make a change. I identified ego and feel the fear running my life, the problem is, its getting harder and harder to override the programming with my new empowered beliefs and ego always finds a way to get me back to its default programming which is not good for me and not getting me good results in my life, especially with my current relationship. Everytime I make some progress, ego finds an ingenuous way to get me hooked again, i get so excited because of the change and then dissappointed once again. Also another question, whenever I do self hypnosis or quanta freedom healings at night, I always dream me engaging in my old ego programming all night, is this releasing it, or is it getting further cemented, please help, these are my only two concerns otherwise your material is amazing, thank you.

    Maya

  • fern_orth@t-online.de'
    http://Tinyurl.com
    April 16, 2013

    I really had been browsing for strategies for my own blog site
    and came across your own blog, “How To Let Go Of Blame And Claim Your Personal Power
    | Narcissism and Relationships Blog by Melanie Tonia Evans”, would you care
    in the event I really employ some of your points? Thanks a lot -Emma

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 16, 2013

      Hi Emma,

      That is wonderful that you hjave created your own blog!

      Yes you certainly are most welcome to – as long as you reference me and my website to these points.

      Mel xo

  • pns279@outlook.com'
    phil
    May 6, 2016

    I agree with everything in the above article, thanks Mel! However, I have a question though:

    Is it necessary that we give up our addictions (such as alcohol, which help to fill a void for the things lost) before we are able to start the “inner healing work”? OR can we hold the intention of letting go of these addictions while we are doing the inner healing work?

    I know (for sure) that doing inner work when energetically clean is much more effective. I also know that I feel better about myself when I detox. However, issues relating to sleep are a major barrier for me because the only thing worse than a sleepless night is the day after the sleepless night!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 6, 2016

      Hi Phil,

      I would target the sleeplessness first, track that through the body and address that – so that then there is not the need for alcohol to get to sleep.

      Alcohol is fine IF it is an extension of joy and not a choice of self-medication.

      If its a choice to self-medicate then it really is about addressing what is the anxiety underneath (the trauma) that needs to be up-levelled. Then there will be no anxiety to try to self-medicate.

      Does this make sense?

      Mel xo

      • pns279@outlook.com'
        phil
        May 7, 2016

        Hi Mel

        Thanks for your guidance which DOES make a lot of sense to me!

        I am tackling the sleep issues that I can control but some things I may not be able to change. I used to relax by cross-country running which enabled sound sleep, but due to poor blood circulation (deep vein thrombosis) I cannot do that any longer. If/when I sort out my economy, that will also give me peace of mind and support sound sleep. The other matter is that while I am in a place of transition, I am single and alone which gives me the feeling that there are too many hours in the day!

        Anyway, I will focus on overcoming the underlying anxieties that prevent sound sleep as a priority.

        Thanks very much Mel, have a wonderful day!

        Blessings, Phil

  • cathvail44@gmail.com'
    Kathy
    March 13, 2018

    Looks like i am going to space mam’

    Thank you for the insight.

    See you among the stars.

  • antonswanepoel@yahoo.com'
    Anton Swanepoel
    August 14, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for the post. If found it by looking for the muscle test online as it is not in the silver package that I bought that I could see. Have been working for almost a month with the modules daily with massive changes.

    I found that I blame myself and a family member. I also am still in victim mode as according to the muscle test I expect someone to fix my life for me. Blaming does not help for me as I seem to think that I cannot have abundance while blaming. I reason it must be self punishment.

    What module would be good to release blame in yourself and in another. And what module module would be good for releasing the victim feeling, i was thinking module 3 and 7 respectively.

    Thank you for all the information and products you have created.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 14, 2018

      Hi Anton,

      You are very welcome!

      Yes absolutely Mod 3 and 7 will powerfully help and also please know you can use Module 1 and the GSM for any specific traumas you wish to work on at any time.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *