I remember my first Thriver Christmas as a single person. What I did is I spent limited time with people and only where I felt comfortable and I felt safe.
But I took advantage of the holiday period to do lots of inner healings and journaling and lots of self-love.
Maybe for you this Christmas and holiday season is painful because of a separation, a division or a troubling time that you’re having with a narcissistic person.
I really suggest doing a healing, creating intentions, making this a time of great self-dedication, healing transformation, and stepping into higher trajectories for yourself and I recommend this especially to those of you that may feel lonely and left out because this can a painful time.
Join me in this special year end Thriver TV video so I can share with you my four suggestions to make this Christmas about you and I really hope I can help get you in the Christmas love and cheer and spirit that we all want to be in.
Happy holidays and lots of love from me and my wonderful MTE team!
Video Transcript
But it’s not Christmas yet. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m so excited about Christmas tomorrow, especially now that I get to have them narcissistic-free. Yay. But I know that that may not be your gig, and my gift to you today is the hope that you’re going to get through this narcissistic-free as well.
Today I want to talk about the four main ways to have a peaceful and a beautiful Christmas this year, regardless of what any toxic person in your life tries to do.
Hopefully, like me, you don’t have any narcissists in your space for Christmas or holiday time and maybe not even within your Being, but whether or not you do or you don’t, what I’m going to share with you today in this video is going to be really helpful for you.
And also, it’s going to help you if you’ve been having a painful time because of a separation, a division or a troubling time, such as off and on that you’re having with a narcissistic person.
Maybe it could just be painful because you really think, “At this stage of my life and holiday and Christmas … I should be settled, I should be with somebody, I should have my relationships sorted out,” – or maybe you’re not seeing family or you know how it goes.
Let’s just get going, because I want to go through some things with you that I really hope can help and get you in the Christmas love and cheer and spirit that we all want to be in.
Number 1 – Be Kind To Yourself
As a Thriver, I want you to put yourself first and I know that a lot of you run around and you try to be Superwoman and Superman for your kids and your family and your friends or whatever, but I just want to remind you to be kind to yourself. And I want you to drop the expectations or the obligations that you may be feeling.
I tell you, 2020 has taught us so much. It’s been one of those years. And I had lunch with a beautiful girlfriend the other day and she said to me, “This year, I’m making different choices. I’m not actually going to see some of the people that I used to see. I’m not going to go. I’m going to be around people who celebrate me,” because she’s learned to celebrate herself.
And I really think that this year, many of us have realized who our tribe is and who isn’t and it’s not about being mean and nasty, but it’s really about setting the intention to have a loving heart for yourself and others on Christmas day and any of your gatherings and if there are people there that you’re just not getting along with or who were disparaging or nasty or judgmental, then don’t go.
Be kind to yourself. Be with people who love you, who are kind and who are decent. I really think that’s important. And if you need to change your plans this year, I really want to help give you permission to not feel guilty.
Number 2 – Detach From The Narcissist
Now I want to talk about what narcissists do every single holiday time. They can be awful. They can act out. They can create arguments. They can go missing. They can hoover you back in. The shenanigans are pretty much unlimited.
We’re going to talk about some of the ways that that happens in a moment. But there’s one thing that you can do with a narcissist over holiday and Christmas time, and that is – detach. And you’re going to need to detach because you’re going to be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
The thing is, narcissists go through horrible narcissistic injury at Christmas time. They can’t regulate supply. Other people are getting attention. Other people are around. They can’t create themselves as the center of the universe.
What do narcissists do? There are two things that they always do. They’re after narcissistic supply, and if they can’t regulate it and get to be the center of the universe and get their significance, then they kick the cat or the dog, but it’s about the person.
They actually try to offset the rage that they’re feeling by being really nasty, and they’re just not going to help. They’re just going to create drama and stress for you. That’s what they do.
You really need to detach, don’t get upset, don’t bite and really center yourself to have your own Christmas with the people that you love regardless of what they do or don’t do.
Number 3 – Send A Prayer Or Healing To Others
Now, this is another little suggestion that I thought of, and I really think that because this year is so much about supporting and loving each other – I really want to give you this suggestion for you to send a prayer or healing to others because it’s a Quantum Law and it’s a beautiful Quantum Law.
Whatever you wish for others and grant to others means that you’re actually granting it to yourself and you’re wishing it for yourself.
This is so about a win-win situation. It’s like when we give, we’re giving to the oneness. We’re giving to all of it. It’s one of the ways that we can heal ourselves so beautifully.
This year, maybe we reach out to those who you know are alone or they’re struggling. This is not narcissists, this is other people … with a gesture of goodwill and love and maybe you want to donate some toys to some orphanages or to the elderly or do something where you feel drawn because when you bless others with joy and love, you’re blessing the field and you’re blessing yourself.
That’s going to really help you feel better this year and I think the whole world needs this at the moment.
Number 4 – Create Dedication To Yourself
My fourth and final suggestion for you today is to really set the intention that you’re going to create dedication to yourself. There’s holiday time to prepare for 2021.
I keep saying what a year we’ve had this year, and I think we’re moving into some incredible times. I really suggest doing a healing, creating intentions, making this a time of great self-dedication, healing transformation, and stepping into higher trajectories for yourself, and especially those of you that may feel lonely and left out – this is a painful time.
I remember my first Thriver Christmas as a single person. What I did is I spent limited time with people and just where I felt comfortable and I felt safe.
But in my holiday period, I was doing lots of inner healings and lots of journaling and lots of self-love. And I even went down to the beach and I had a ring and I had a ceremony of marrying my own soul – dedicating and committing to myself. And it was one of the most powerful, beautiful times because yes, I wasn’t going away with a loved one or a partner and I did feel alone, but that was such a powerful commitment to myself.
Those kinds of rituals are beautiful at this time. We are in unprecedented times. We are in times of inner shifts and great awakenings and integrating, and I really think that this is a powerful way and a powerful time that you can dedicate to the love and the shift within yourself.
There are my suggestions. I really hope they help and myself and the MTE team, we want to wish you a happy and a safe Christmas and so much love to you.
Merry Christmas for tomorrow – make it safe and prosperous and loving and beautiful, and all of our love to you.
This was very confirming because this is my first holiday alone and I’m grateful to not having to walk on eggshells this year and hopefully for future years.
Much love and beautiful breakthroughs to you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Merry Christmas to you Melanie, and to all the harp community!!
Thank you Marilyn!
Merry Christmas and much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Merry Christmas Mel and MTE and Tiggy 🙂
Thank You for that, So Loving, So Grateful to You.
And MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!
With Love
Kondwani
Hi Kondwani,
thank you for your love and blessings
Merry Christmas and much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💚
Love you, Melanie! Thanks for all you give! Merry Christmas to you and your team!
Thank you Val hun,
You are very welcome and much love and Christmas blessings to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, I know that you truly have had these experiences, because your words are so completely true and timely. It took me too long to figure out why he always showed up at the Holidays – years after I was replaced. Now I get it. And I also now understand why my own family has flung accusations at me that are not true. I am so grateful for your articles, I will never be able to express enough how grateful I am. You turn the lights on like no one else. I have seen therapists, have not found a single one that understands narcissistic abuse.
Hi Debby,
I am so pleased that I can help.
Wishing you a beautiful empowered and safe Christmas
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Yes this is all so true and yes the light is finally on and shining brightly. Thank you for all you do Melanie. Can’t wait for all the possibilities that are to come now that I know what I’m truly dealing with after all the years of denial.
Hi Donne,
Sending you love, blessings and Thriving!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie and Merry Christmas to you.🎄
It’s my pleasure CM
Merry Christmas!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, thank you for your message here. God bless you and your team and all of us who are thrivers. With our will and a simple faith may we realize the deep abiding love that keeps us safe and makes us whole.
Hi David,
you are very welcome.
Sending you God’s blessings and love this Christmas
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, I Love your Christmas Spirit and message!!
Thanks to you and NARP, I am actually looking forward to my first Thriver Xmas.
Much love back, to you, and the MTE team for a Merry Xmas and a fabulous 2021:)
xoxoxo
Hi Gen,
I am so happy for you.
Loving watching you rock it!
Same to you sweetheart – Merry Christmas!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie for this beautiful message and your timing is perfect. Over the last month I’ve had to have some limited contact with my soon to be ex Narc husband as we’re going through a divorce and selling the matrimonial family home. It’s very painful letting go but I’ve learned to accept that I cannot change anyone but myself. I’m also grateful that you shared your ritual at the beach with the ring it’s a beautiful way to commit to learning to love yourself and prioritise yourself. I always wanted my ex Narc to make me his priority but he never did as I was always triangulated with other people, things, circumstances or work, now I’m learning to prioritise and value myself like a precious diamond 💎 I’ve been through a lot of healing and still going through it but for me acceptance of the fact I’m where I’m meant to be in my recovery from narcissistic abuse is vital. I don’t need any diamond ring 💍 on my finger today to convince me that I’m enough as I’ve learned my self worth comes from within and shines like a precious 💎 diamond. It’s onwards and upwards for me in 2021 and this Christmas 🎄 is about connecting with God and friends who are of the same mindset as me. Love all your videos they’re so helpful along with your Quantum Healing recovery course it’s truly helped me this year which has been a tough one. I’m not letting anyone dull my sparkle this upcoming new year 2021. Thank you so very, very much and best wishes to yourself💖, your team and Tiggy 🐈 your fur baby 😊.
Hope you all have a beautiful Christmas Day full of love, joy, peace and light. God Bless 😘 xxx
Hi Sam,
thank you for your beautiful well wishes to all of us, and I’m so pleased that you are doing so well.
Wishing you and yours an amazing Christmas and I can’t wait to share 2021 with you.
Love and blessings, I love your beautiful spirit!
Mel 🙏💕💚
You truly are an Angel Melanie 💕
It was no coincidence I found you!
No words can express my gratitude for all you have done to guide me through but I know I would not be where I am today without you.
I’m sending hope, healing and peace and love to all 💝
Hi Hilary,
I’m thrilled you are out the other side.
Thank you for your beautiful words to me and to all.
Much love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
‘Tis the night before Christmas
… and all through the house, not a chimera stirring
not even my louse.
… Trust all children’s hearts “pa-rum-pa-pum-pum” in their beds,
no need for my bait ‘n switch, nor even my meds.
No woofing or clatter, nor belch of old matters,
quiet joy hovers high over new fallen snow –
I breathe on objections – and blow.
Against my wind the Uber pulls up to with quick –
times long ago knew, it would be my old “trick”.
My aware lack of attention quickly drains her instead,
my lack of response lays her strategy dead.
I see her anew and clearly. So she disappears.
She knows this is not punishment. She turns back.
Clear and unbeknownst to what the next role, whether or not the next thrall.
But the “still” is still here, to welcome all, and to dash away all!
Happy Christmas to all, from such a good night.
Michman so thrilled you have a Happy Christmas!
Loved the poem – brilliant!
Blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
It’s always been good to receive your and anyone’s acknowledgement and feedback and even absences of. So, in the same joy and gratitude, you also get the final edits that you just prompted, just now made. So as to round out the year in good stead.
‘Tis the night before Christmas
… all through the house, not a chimera stirring –
not even my louse.
Pray all children’s hearts “pa-rum-pa-pum-pum” in their beds.
No need for my bait ‘n switch – not even my meds.
No woofing or clatter, nor belch of old matters.
Quiet joy hovers high over new fallen snow –
I breathe above the objections – and blow.
Against my wind the Uber pulls upto with quick –
times long ago knew it would be my old “trick”.
Aware un-attention quickly drains her instead,
and lack of response lays her strategy dead.
I see her so new and so clearly and what was there to hack?
She knows this is not punishment, so into shadow turns back,
At last beknownst, yet another un-improvable, perfect end-thrall.
More distilled now the stillness still here,
welcoming everything welcomed, and all.
And then – dash away, dash away, dash away all!
From such a good night . . . Happy Christmas to all.
Hi Michman,
thank you for the poem – it was really great!
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a fabulous New Year
Mel 🙏💕💚
Merry self-partnering Christmas to you too, Melanie <3
May you and your team and all Thrivers glow and know their worth.
May we send blessings out far and wide on this planet.
And help, with our healing, the raising of consciousness.
My Christmas present is returning to QFH inner work,
and granting myself the present of my presence.
So I will definitely have a wonderful healing Christmas!
Or, as I like to refer to it as, Inner Child Day 🙂 xx
Beautiful intentions Kalikatana,
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you, Melanie. I’ve quietly followed you over the years and have taken in every single one of your posts. You have helped me tremendously, as you do so many others, and I am forever grateful. Still married to my NARC but, boy oh boy, have things changed around here thanks to all the tools you’ve bestowed over the years. I am surviving and thriving and there’s no looking back. Merry Christmas and Happy 2021 as we continue to grow and become more in tune with our purpose.
Stacy,
I am so happy for you sweetheart.
Many blessings!!
Mel 🙏💕💚
SO grateful this arrived in my inbox today. Thank you for being a guide through my journey, and continuing to do so. Merry Christmas!!
Hi Lauren,
I’m so pleased this message was for you!
Sending blessings and love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie for your blog today. This feels like a personal Christmas card from you 🙂 which brings me much joy as you have been quite present in my life (from a distance) this year and helped me stay on track with my Narc-free journey. It was very timely as well since I (predictably) was hoovered today. Of course I didn’t respond and said to myself: just ignore it. But something still simmered and I did not want it to ruin or influence my holidays. I really needed this little ‘pick me up’ so I thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you and your team and all my peers here a very merry Christmas and a lovely and loving 2021!
Hi Lisebeth,
it’s my pleasure and I’m pleased it felt like that!
Sending you love, strength and continued healing.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you so much, Melanie. I believe you are a life saver. My heart and soul are grateful for you and the mounds of information you have heaped on me with your words. May God hover over you and yours this blessed Christmas Day!
Hi Linda,
its my pleasure.
Thank you and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Linda,
you are very welcome.
I’m so pleased I can help and sending you and your family much love and blessings.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dear Melanie,
I want to thank you for your dedication to this cause.
Thank you for the steadfast, loving support you so faithfully provide even during the holidays.
Thank you for not forgetting to be yourself. To honor your cause. To share from your heart. To remember how much you’re needed and how much your words are valued. How much your shares and inspirations are changing lives. How many of us are here today because you gave of your self one more time.
I feel selfish.
My healing was so deep and so empowering that I truly do understand the role I played in my own painful stupid self abandonnent. I have to remember to have compassion and to speak kindly to those who are still hurting and thinking they are victims. I know they can come out of it.
I pray for the awakening to the truth that far from being victims, we are at the portal of the greatest massive, collective breakthrough of this era and perhaps of all history.
When we die to the old needy stupid self after Narc, we have the option in NARP to now live in a great awareness of a higher order of Life.
I take hats off to you for staying compassionate and providing the signposts to the exit from the Soul darkness brought on in the abuse reminding us that the darkness always preceeds the dawn. To those who make it to the next day, it is a completely NEW creation.
Thank you for all you do in not criticizing, not abandoning, not rejecting and not punishing as I am tempted to do being less patient.
I have to remember to be kind even having left the sense of helplessness so far behind that I can barely remember it. I do remember the change that I gained which is still serving me. I learned that there are dimensions that I can still discover and to walk humbly when I don’t understand something painful.
What I now know for a fact is that my inner peace and joy is worth giving up cherished beliefs, people and situations that never did serve me. If it hurts, it is worth cutting out.
The cost of freedom is to be wisely considered daily because this is something we purchase over and over every moment. Never agreeing to compromise it. Narp is such a good tool for this considering process.
Freedom is our life and the life of all mankind. We do not have the right to take it or diminish it. It is LIFE living itself though us. It behooves us to live it cleanly. Narp helps us clean up.
We learn to disallow our truth being bound, limited, controlled, put in debt, inconvenienced in any way, but to chose only love for all that is good and support that alone.
We give consent only to all that is beautiful and good. God’s perfect love for us. Nothing less.
Not a cent less than perfect love because far from being victims, we have been created to thrive be abundantly fruitful and have ONE beautiful Life.
Here’s to the greatness in 21!
Darling Iris,
I totally understand what you mean and the frustration.
I promise you at times I need to remind myself as well! I am blessed in that MTE is now a group of incredible team members as well as myself which holds the space lovingly for those awakening and healing.
We are all in this together!
I agree darling lady we are in an exceptional, yet rocky and painful, time that is akin to the most excruciating labour yet … and those awake will be needed more than ever for those awakening.
Be kind to you first and foremost.
Can’t wait to share 2021 with you
My love always
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dear Melanie,
It’s Christmas day where I live and I didn’t see this in my emails till just a few minutes ago. I want to thank you for the four points you spoke about. Today I did a lot of reflection both self and otherwise.
This is my third year now celebrating Christmas and for me Hanukkah as well alone without my exnarcs interference.
The first two years were really difficult but today it was better and the reason it was better is that I was reminded that I can go to the modules for help and I did that! Something inside of me reminded me this afternoon to do that and I did it and it helped!
Even though things seem very difficult as I am finishing the last parts of a separation that has been so cruel, today I felt a distance from all of it!
In some fashion I tried each of the suggestions that you gave to us and in some very small way each one had a significant impact on how I was feeling.
So, that’s about all I can say except thank you so much for all the help that you and others have given me with NARP. ❤️🙏🕊❤️🦋❤️🦋❤️
Peter@44
Hi Peter,
that’s great that you are uplevelling and giving yourself the gift of NARP this year!
Congratulations on your separation as painful as it has been, and I’m so happy that myself, NARP and this wonderful community have been able to support you. You are doing such a great job!
Sending continued love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
hi because we read your articles we were prepared for whatever Narc christmas drama would happen. My daughter is married to the Narc and has a little boy.
she moved in with me in April to be safe from the virus and to get away from the narc.
so come christmas eve… no word from him…. come christmas no word …. oir the next day…. who cares. she was fine. we had a nice time with our family.
His attention getter. the furnance was broken and he was surrounded by space heaters. … oh well.
We appreciate your articles.