Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Use The Holiday Period To Heal In The Most Spectacular Way

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 6
44
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

First off, I want to wish all of our lovely American Thriver Family a wonderful Thanksgiving this week!

Because we are heading into the holiday season, I really wanted to do this Thriver TV episode to help you stay safe and maintain your peace this Christmas …

And also to explain how you can use this time to heal in the most spectacular way.

If you are dreading holiday time, my heart goes out to you. You may still be suffering the trauma of what happened to you, or be in terrible battles with the narcissist over custody and property.

And perhaps, because your life now bears little resemblance to the life you wanted with the narcissist, holiday time feels like a terrible reminder of being single, lonely and devastated about the way your life has turned out.

Maybe you are dreading get-togethers with narcissists who are in your life … or not having your children with you for special celebrations.

I remember feeling so down, so depressed and barely functioning at holiday time. I was like a zombie not knowing how on earth to engage happily with my family.

I know, you too may be feeling these feelings, and like my previous self, just want the holiday period to be over as soon as possible.

So … do we just ride it out in the best way we can, or is there ANOTHER way to deal with this?

I promise you there is – there is another way.

And, in fact, holiday time can be the most powerful and incredible time to work on yourself, turn a massive corner and start coming out the other side.

The two things that can hurt the most about holiday time –  having extra time on your hands and being severely emotionally triggered, can be two of the biggest PLUSES in our lives when we embrace the Thriver Recovery Model in Quantum Ways.

And in this Thriver TV episode, I go into the detail as to HOW and WHY we can use these things to our incredible advantage.

It is my deepest wish that this episode helps bring you faith and hope, and even inspiration, for this upcoming holiday time.

Because it is Thanksgiving, I want you to know for my heart to yours, how grateful I am for you – whether you have been a part of the Thriver Community for years, or if you just joined today.

I couldn’t be doing my dream career, my life/love mission, if it wasn’t for you.

I feel blessed beyond measure to be sharing in this Thriver Community with you, changing our world one person at a time.

Sending so much love to you!

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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44 Thoughts on How To Use The Holiday Period To Heal In The Most Spectacular Way
  • tristatetp@msn.com'
    Rosie
    November 22, 2017

    Yup, I am already depressed by the holidays, and counting down the days until it’s all over. So, thank you so much for this video, perfect timing! I am tired of feeling beaten down by the relationship I struggled through with the ex, and dealing with the subsequent aftermath of when it ended.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 22, 2017

      Hi Rosie,

      you are so welcome, and I hope this has helped.

      Wishing you amazing healing and breakthrough.

      Mel xo

  • anna.suszt@gmail.com'
    Anna Suszt
    November 22, 2017

    Great episode! I feel SO much better after every one of your videos – you are so inspirational. Thank goodness I don’t have Netflix lol

  • Brian.murphy2007@yahoo.com'
    Brian
    November 22, 2017

    Been reading your articles for a few years now and find them all very accurate and supportive so thank you for your help. I was with a narc for 11 years : separated 3 years ago and got divorced last year . Do you know I still find myself looking to see if she has texted me and still wonder what she is up to? She moved just round the corner from me so I see her in the passing now and then and she still every 6 months or so has a flurry of contact saying she still loves me and wants me back . Unreal !! … seems this just goes on and on. Your articles and programmes are very helpful… I wish I could get her completely out of my mind … Brian

  • Thirty4thcolro@outlook.com'
    Tom
    November 22, 2017

    Your hot. I love you. THANKYOU

  • ulrike.wild@sunrise.ch'
    Ulrike Wild
    November 22, 2017

    Thank you so much. I tried so much and found no understanding here.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 22, 2017

      Hi Ulrike,

      you are welcome, do you mean did not find understanding with the narcissist?

      Mel xo

  • rebecca1975@alphafrau.de'
    Rebecca - Recovery From A Bad Childhood
    November 22, 2017

    The holiday season is an excellent opportunity to reflect on how to stop losing yourself in romantic relationships and to build better boundaries.

  • S.Thakkar@yahoo.com'
    Isha
    November 22, 2017

    Hi dear, while i do modules i have few difficulties.
    1. I do during mid night after two little kids sleep so o can’t turn on light and have work sheets with me. I always wish that if could include work sheet words in your audio then I could mentally use it.

    2. I am struggling with time and two hours straight is very very hard for me

    3. I fall asleep all the time
    4 . Big problem: as I lost connection to my emotions i am unable to feel and rate and pain when you say in an audio. I do feel overwhelmed when things triggered but can’t while doing the modules. I can only rate the effectiveness of the work when actually things happen.
    It is so true that if the wounds are not healed in one relationship, next relationship; which is rescuer from previous ones, turns exactly same or even worse…

    5. I want my mum to recover who still lives and will live with my dad. She is like an angel on earth but every close relationship turns abusive to her, even the nicest person. She doesn’t know English what can I do?

    6. My brother is in not a healthy marriage n i crave to expose but he doesn’t even want to look at the issue. He is behaving just like me. Nothing happened. ” if you see bad in some one else, there is smallness in you. If someone is behaving small you have to be grand in order to eliminate that meanness n smallness”.

    7. I have experienced magics after doing the narp work. I was badly caught up in a narc trap which was highly unfair deal. That person just got exposed in one hour after doing the module 4: injustice and betrayal. I was on my knees while doing it. I was not even able to commad my mind according to instructions, my position was” please set me free, god”, I don’t know what to think what to feel and what to release. I only knew this module is working energetically and knows what to take it off.. ”

    I still feel guilty for using time, money and resources for myself. I keep giving the explanation to people around me. I feel jealous of people with strong boundaries. I feel horrible when other people ‘s highly selfish moves are accepted just easily while same person can’t accept my littlest boundaries. They want me to be on my toe and if I can’t they feel like I am pulling away, selfish or ungrateful person. ”
    This kills me to the soul.
    So much love honey. I do share a same passion with you. My heart reaches to every one in the world who are in traps of narp without seeing some light.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Isha,

      I am happy to answer your questions and help.

      1) Please know that you can do QFH without worksheets, just intend to yourself what it is that you ate feeling, and / or just be with the feeling in your body, even if you don’t get information about it – and you will still shift the dense energy up and out. We simply need to “feel” it to do that you don’t even have to name it.

      2) You can use the shortened version of Module 1 or The Goal Setting Module (both much shorter) if time is limited for identical results. If you don’t have these, please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of the lovely team will help you.

      3) Please listen to The Tips Module and read instruction eBook as it explains ways to combat this.

      4) I would target the block in your body that is not allowing you to connect to the emotion in your body, Please also know coaching for this takes place in the NARP Forum where you get assistance with Module Work – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member – that is where you can get help for this.

      5) By working on your body with QFH regarding your Mum you can help her energetically. Again this is coaching work – more advanced QFH techniques – which is learnt and supported in the NARP Forum.

      6) Regarding your brother same as above for your mother.

      7) Just keep clearing the things you know “hurt” and one by one the pain will be replaced with deep wisdom and peace.

      So much love to you too Isha, and I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • Victorykress@gmail.com'
    Vicki
    November 23, 2017

    I am grateful this Thangiving for your videos. I have beeen working on myself for years and your videos have been part of the resources I have used. I can say now the triggers are finally gone and all the emotional baggage and childhood trauma. I have great peace. Thank you so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Vicki,

      thank you and I am so grateful for you too!

      I am so pleased I could help.

      Continued blessings to you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Ostermanceppos@gmail.com'
    Sandi
    November 23, 2017

    Thank you Melanie for another wonderful video. You have been the best company on this journey and have made a HUGE difference in my life. You have put me on a healing path. Thanks for your program and your love and mission to help us heal. I will keep your words in mind as I go through my first holiday season with my shell shocked kids after separating from my husband.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Sandi,

      it’s my pleasure and I’m glad you enjoyed it, as well as NARP and this mission 🙂

      Thank you for your lovely words, and I wish you amazing strength and peace this Christmas.

      Mel xo

  • timirand@cisco.com'
    Tina
    November 23, 2017

    Just ended and was discarded from my Narc if 8 years!! Changed his number and all how do I get through this? Have to keep a smile on my face for my kids! Feel like Iam dieing of a slow death I can’t handle this!! Anything I can read when Iam feeling like this??

  • opensketch@gmail.com'
    Faith
    November 23, 2017

    Thank you so much, Mel! You are such a blessing and I love your videos and the amazing work you do. It has helped me in so many ways, I can barely put it into words. And yes you are also stunningly beautiful! Thank you, thank you, thank you! And have a wonderful holiday!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Faith,

      it’s my pleasure.

      Thank you for your lovely words, and compliment.

      Wishing you the most amazing holiday period too Lovely Lady.

      Mel xo

  • janie_escobar@sbcglobal.net'
    Janie Escobar
    November 23, 2017

    Thank you so very much for this video. I think I’m healing because certain songs that my mom, who was my narcissistic sociopath, no longer affect me the way they used to. This was the first time I had seen your videos and you gave me validation that what I’m doing to heal is correct. Five months passed after we told her she had to move out after spending a year and a half with us. Her tendencies reared it’s ugly heads 2 months before she moved out and in June, she died of sudden cardiac arrest. No contact was easy for me after she moved out. I didn’t even go to her funeral and the good thing is that I don’t feel guilty one iota. I’ll be sure to watch more of your videos. Have a blessed Thanksgiving, Mel!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Janie,

      it is so true that when we no longer feel the triggers this does absolutely mean we are healing.

      That is great you received validation and know that you are on the right track and that you have been able to detach and regain you. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving too Janie.

      Mel xo

  • hawk00073@hotmail.com'
    Pam
    November 23, 2017

    You sure nailed it on this one Melanie. Everything and anything is a trigger right now and there really is nothing else to do but hit the modules. I can’t seem to enjoy anything at all that usually gives me some little times of peace. I can’t finish anything I start to do, and at times it is even difficult to make myself breathe. I cannot wait til the day when I can think of my narcissist and not feel anything and I can hardly wait to finally laugh again, completely from the gut and feel nothing but joy. I have forgotten laughter and that is so incredibly sad to me, it used to be the one thing that could relieve so much of that stress and ugliness and just make a person feel GOOD. When I saw your email today, even before I opened it, I had a jolt, I knew before I read it what you were going to say, and I already know you are exactly right, look at this time as an incredible blessing and use it to really work hard on shifting and getting rid of all the trauma still boiling over in me, even after a year of pain. I sometimes wonder if there will ever be an end to all of the traumas. I know I’ve already shifted a lot, but each one I work on seems to bring up ten more within a few days, there just has to be a bottom to it all and I know it has to come soon. And when that day comes look out world, you will probably hear me shouting clear in Australia! I am so looking forward to the day when I have the energy and the joy that sticks with a person, so I can get on with living life. And I so look forward to somehow being able to help someone else and maybe be able to offer someone the love and comfort I have felt here. That will be the day that I know he is purged for good and there is no more chance of ever being caught in that trap again, by anyone. That is my goal now, I want to be the strong one standing on my own two feet offering others what strength I can give to them for their own healing. And God Bless You Melanie, I am so very grateful to have you in my life. You give me hope that I could not see before. Sending a big holiday hug. Pam

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 23, 2017

      Hi Pam,

      I am so glad this resonated with you.

      Aww Pam please know there is a bottom to it – and one day truly it is like we have pulled enough bricks out of the wall (cleared enough trauma) that the wall collapses and we can look out over the beautiful meadow that is our life.

      Are you in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp receiving support to generate your breakthrough? I really can’t recommend that resource enough – because there are so many Thrivers who have been where you are, who are having or had the breakthroughs you seek and can connect to you and help you generate them – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      A big holiday hug right back at you Pam 🙂

      Mel xo

      • hawk00073@hotmail.com'
        pam
        November 23, 2017

        I have been to the forums but not a lot so I will try to use them more often along with the modules. And I know it’s coming, the end of the worst of it, I have felt the changes very much so far, and I know I will finally get to that place of healing where I can finally feel ahead of the game. I had more young child trauma than remembered at first and I think that is why I’m finding it so difficult right now, it’s like a chain reaction going on. Believe me though, I have felt much relief with this QFH and I know that it is the right way to go, and for me at this point, the only way I want to go. Thanks for the encouragement, it helps a lot. 🙂

      • Pennykorpita@gmail.com'
        Penny
        November 24, 2017

        Hi Melanie,
        Today I am so thankful for you!
        Lots of fear and I try and remember the acronym “False Evidence Appearing Real” that I learned many years ago.
        I also heard recently that “If you survived the abuse, you can survive the recovery.” This I don’t think I could be doing without you.
        I left my N 4 months ago and have started over with everything and am in debt which I had promised myself would not happen again. I rationalized it by saying I can earn money and rebuild but not if staying kills me first so I left. I keep doing your modules which completely exhaust me, is that normal? My entire body reacts so intensely to reliving the traumas and memories that I have to really rest after each one. A lot of door are opening now and “coincidences” seem to be guiding my path. I tell myself that if I wasn’t on the right path then this wouldn’t be happening now so I need to listen to my heart, my physical self and trust.
        Thank you Melanie! God Bless You!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 24, 2017

          Hi Penny,

          thank you!

          That is great that you put your soul before your security – that was a huge lesson for so many of us!

          OK regarding the exhaustion of the Modules, is it a feeling of now I can sleep because I’ve let so much go? Or is it a feeling of being “pummelled” as a result of meeting the inner traumas? Because if it is the later, I would really recommend working on the belief systems around that – so that you aren’t having that experience. Because when they are aligned the sensation should be utter relief and “space” inside after shifting out big stuff and the exhaustion like “I am now out of survival and can go to sleep and rest” – like someone who was in a war zone for 3 days who is now in a safe place …

          Penny are you in the NARP Forum? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member because this is where the in-depth coaching and support with NARP takes place and I can’t recommend that resource enough.

          This is lovely that you are starting to gain the outer confirmations as a result of doing the inner work. Well done, you are totally on the right track.

          Wishing you many blessings too Penny.

          Mel xo

          • Pennykorpita@gmail.com'
            Penny
            November 24, 2017

            Oh Melanie, yes it is the feeling of like being out of a war zone exhaustion! I have a dear dear friend who I now live close to and she never abandoned me during my numerous attempts to leave. Apparently it is The Stockholm Syndrome. However, she has been patient and steadfast. Quite often now I can share an occurrence with her and actually we laugh about how happy we are that I am here now.
            I don’t know if this would work for others but it has become huge for me. I collect unicorns. The reason being that for several months with my N husband, every time I would talk to him he would interrupt me mid-sentence or story and say, “Did I tell you about the time I saw a unicorn?”. Initially I asked why and he explained that seeing a unicorn was impossible so there was no way I could “top that” with another story. Ultimately if he said the word unicorn I would cry and soon I just stopped talking and sharing. (Then he would ask why I was being so quiet…). About a year later I asked him why he didn’t mention the unicorn comment anymore and he said he didn’t have to because I learned my lesson about not bragging and talking about things that bored him.)
            Anyway, my friend told me that each time I thought about going back to him I should think of a unicorn. From that day on last year I have either seen unicorn images, heard the word or basically had a unicorn fall in my lap every day so I started collecting them! I have unicorn pictures and stuffed toys, bags and shirts and each time I laugh now and remember that he is the reason that unicorns live in my happy place and they are pretty powerful and miraculous!

            Yes, I did go over to the forum blog and that you for responding Melanie!

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            November 27, 2017

            Hi Penny,

            Wow, that is amazing you unicorn story I love it!

            Please know Penny it is my pleasure and it’s great that you are on the Forum now.

            Mel xo

  • vickitrusselli@gmail.com'
    Vicki
    November 24, 2017

    Thanks so much for this video. I have healed but still have triggers. I have traveled 1600 miles from my home in LA to help a friend who had a stroke. However it is back in the neighborhood that I lived with my narcissist. Turns out her husband thought I was going to be chief cook, housekeeper and bottle washer and his mistress. None of this has worked out. I go back home to LA in December. I have been couped up with his wife who had the stroke since September without time off. I asked for time off abd she said not until I get home to LA. I looked her in the eye and said well wanting time off is pretty normal. I didn’t tell her about her husband trying to force himself on me. Turns out he’s s a egotistical narcissistic person too. I believe I will not be back. Should have left way sooner than December 13. I have another friend in town who has been my rock. I’m having thanksgiving with her. I have had to lock my bedroom door. I’m not a housekeeper or mistress or cook. I only cook to live. Lol. I have osteoporosis take meds can’t lift. He lied to me about what I would be doing . I’m an artist photographer retired. The truth was he wanted to put me to work 24/7 and move me back to Austin. Triggers everywhere. Have had to be here 24/7 except when I visit my friend a few hours. I have been triggered to literally not be in a relationship ever. The taking care of his wife has been a big trigger and what was I thinking flying monkeys they were mine and my narcissist mutual friends. I leave from their house Dec 13. Yay. I need to know if I am crazy because I exploded expressively last night with them. Her husband is a taxi driver, retired cop and heavy metal musician. His wife told me h wanted to control everything. He ragged on me about how I washed dishes how I shouldn’t eat pasta should go on a Candida diet etc. I finally exploded.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 24, 2017

      Hi Vicki,

      that is great you are going to be having a peaceful thanksgiving away from the friend’s husband.

      I totally get it – how we can explode when we have had enough.

      Don’t be too hard on yourself 🙂

      Mel xo

  • masikamahabir@gmail.com'
    Masika
    November 24, 2017

    I’m new here and so excited to begin the process. Thank you so much!

  • ambaamba@hotmail.com'
    S
    November 24, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    Thanks for an informative video.
    I could not find the link that you mentioned near the end of the broadcast – regarding the free program.

  • ambaamba@hotmail.com'
    S
    November 24, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    Thanks for an informative video.
    I could not find the link that you mentioned near the end of the broadcast – regarding the free program.
    I have registered for the narp program – but thought that this one targeted to the holidays would be very beneficial as well.
    [my entire family are narcissists, except my late father, – and unfortunately I have been in the scapegoat role.. so there is a huge amount of work to be done..at times very overwhelming]

  • monica@monicafit.com'
    Monica
    November 25, 2017

    I just came upon one of your videos yesterday, Melania, and I must say I am impressed by your work and the fact that you are empowering us to thrive, no matter what happened in the past… The thing is when it comes to holidays, it is not easy to be firm with our boundaries… So much manipulation, expectactions and this typical need to control our every move in the times we are supposed to be together… I am now at a place in which I can say no most of the time, be in separate rooms or kitchen instead of living room… If I actually have to spend more time than is comfortable and is above what I am willing to share with these covert narcissists… I also think compassion is key to detach.. Thank you so much for what you do & Holiday Cheers! xoxo Monica

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 27, 2017

      Hi Monica,

      I am so pleased my work resonates with you, and welcome to our wonderful Community!

      That is great that you are focused on detaching and wishing you a wonderful Holiday period Monica.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • leafglow@gmail.com'
    Cecilia
    November 26, 2017

    Hello Melanie,
    I love your thriver message and commitment I have used your tools and left a narcissist and healed a lot.
    After working on myself because of my boyfriend something shifted in my daughter and my relationship with her. She is 29 has two children lives on my property but our relationship has been full of problems. She has blamed me and punished me.
    The day after I did a proxy healing on her she opened up to me for the first time, spent several weeks trying to make up bad parenting but quickly spiraled out of control. Two suicide attempts in September, time in psych hospital and now home a few days and is right back where she was. She got diagnosed BPD is unwilling to work on her issues, believes there is no hope , wants to only isolate and get put in a hospital
    It is very hard getting help for her, I’m very afraid so will kill herself fell guilty for not being a good enough mother. I don’t know how to help her. I know you would say to keep working on myself, I have been derailed because of the stress and now I take care of the children. I don’t know how to handle her and talking to her is fruitless and painful. This is a very difficult situation, I am very alone, I get no support from my family.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 27, 2017

      Hi Cecilia,

      thank you and I am so pleased I have been able to help with the narcissist, and as you are saying this part is so hard when our children are not well. I went through this too Cecilia, getting away from the N, getting safe and well and then having my child completely fall apart.

      Cecilia, my heart goes out to you – can you please come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member because there is so much power and support in that hearing container from other Thrivers who have been through what you are going through.

      This is a time when you need that help so much.

      If for any reason you have a problem getting into the Forum – your back up is to email support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of my amazing team will help you in.

      Sending healing to you and your daughter Cecilia and your grandchildren.

      Mel xo

  • Anotherweekfoundation@gmail.com'
    Elyse
    November 26, 2017

    Melania, I am still married to my narc husband and am trrying to completely sever all ties. This is proving to be extremely difficult. I have physically separated myself from him for 3 months now and he is incessant on trying to lure me in. However, when he freaks out and does the stonewalling I find myself missing him and wishing he’d contact me. Then he does and we go straight back into a viscious cycle. It would do no good to say Every thing he has done since I am preaching to the choir. But I am lost. I feel hopeful, he does the same things over again and then I’m discarded wondering wth just happened. Your videos and articles have helped me tremendously though it is painful to see HIM and his characteristics in your words. Like, an epiphany when I thought maybe he was different. Please help. How do I break away completely. I don’t sleep and I can’t move on. It’s killing me

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 27, 2017

      Hi Elyse,

      I hear you so much – and I promise you that used to be the same for me too – my unhealed “young” parts that had not grown up and become solid inside when I was young, due to my childhood, used to hook me too.

      It is the same for SO many of us Elyse, and that is why the core healing tool in the Community is the NARP Program – it is what virtually all of us Thrivers have used to do the deep inner identity reprogramming, healing all these parts of ourselves that were hooked and handing power over.

      It is my highest suggestion to you to help you: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      To learn what the NARP Program is about I invite you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where you get to experience Quanta Freedom Healing which is the Quantum Tool in NARP that creates shifts that we simply can’t do with our logical mind.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

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