Melanie Tonia Evans

How Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me To Be A Source To Myself

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 11
55
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I talk in the Community, a lot, about how important it is to become a source to ourselves, so that we can stop handing power over to narcissists – False Selves. And, also, so that we become powerful creators of our own lives, without dependence on anyone else to provide it for us.

And then I realised – I had never done a Thriver TV episode specifically on this!

In today’s video, I am going to be addressing the four key elements of self: self-love, self-approval, security and survival and how you can identify if you are deficient in some or all of these areas.

Personally, before recovering from narcissistic abuse, despite appearing outwardly that I had my life together, I was a complete disaster in all of these areas.

And the crazy thing was because I had never known any different – until narcissistic abuse and my inner healing work with Quanta Freedom Healing – it had never occurred to me. I had simply been operating as my “normal”.

How is it that our natural sense of self-love, self-acceptance, and feeling secure enough inside to be able to generate our own security and survive was compromised?

What painful states does this bring? If we haven’t healed these commodities yet, how do we unconsciously try to feel whole in these areas? What is it specifically that we need to do to be able to heal and shore up these areas within us?

In today’s video, I share with you how I used to be deficient in ALL of these areas, why this was, and how I was able to harness the powerful lessons of narcissistic abuse so that I was able to evolve into a powerful source to myself.

P.S. It is my deepest wish that if you are struggling with any of these commodities, that there are some powerful takeaways to help you breakthrough into becoming a radiant, joyful and powerful human being.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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55 Thoughts on How Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me To Be A Source To Myself
  • debzemail@blueyonder.co.uk'
    Deb Wells
    November 19, 2017

    I absolutely resonate with all of this Mel. I too have childhood trauma that I never realised until the last few years of being involved with a narcissist who also has childhood trauma (hurt people hurt people) It was for me, a huge life shattering experience of learning along the way as I was becoming a person I didn’t recognise anymore. I’d never even heard of the word Narcissist until I started to look up traits that he was displaying towards me. It broke me after 7 years as like many, I thought it was real and that love had finally found me. I am not past recovery as yet (far from)..but I find myself nodding away to your videos and your experiences so much that I get it. I always thought I could ‘heal’ ‘make him see’ etc…. but until they realise their own traumas of their past and actually acknowledge this… I guess nothing will register, and the ego carries on hurting others. you are a great source of encouragement for me to keep on fighting this struggle of emptiness I feel and that one day I can come out the other side. Thank You x

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      November 19, 2017

      @Deb Wells….do the Narp course…..it’s the best money ever spent on this yourself……why not do it? You will not regret it. You can read the blogs, do the videos, but there is no substitute for the work on the modules and the outstanding support through the forum once you join…..
      Just do it..there is nothing else to do and zero to lose. Btw narcs don’t heal ever….there is no need to fight the struggle of emptiness once you come home to yourself, heal your wounds and thrive into a new positive life. This is what QFH does if you work the modules.

      • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
        Healing
        November 19, 2017

        I agree. I use it regularly even after going thru it. I have never found something as good as this. I use abe’s teachings and louise hay and bashar and everyone. …. henry cloud. … even son, mei’s narps have done amazing things for me.

        thnx mel. xo

    • elizabethhannahcc@outlook.com'
      Elizabeth Hannah
      November 19, 2017

      This is the most important work of my life, I know it with all of my Being. The work is for real, the modules do sooo work. I have not been through this experience for nothing, I am growing, learning and expanding. All that you are saying resonates with me. Truly it does. I am not concerned what the Narc does, but I can feel the triggers, it is completely up to me to heal them for real this time. I was unable to access the information to the course you mentioned but would be most interested in doing it. Thank you again Melanie.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        November 20, 2017

        Hi Elizabeth,

        I am so pleased you are so committed and doing the work.

        You are very welcome Elizabeth.

        Many blessings to you 🙂

        Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Deb,

      I am pleased this resonates with you and helps encourage you to know there is “life after” all this stuff.

      It’s my pleasure Deb. Sending you many blessings and wonderful healing.

      Mel xo

    • elizabethhannahcc@outlook.com'
      Me
      November 22, 2017

      I had a “breakthrough” because I stood beside, in and for myself during a difficult conversation. The conversation that I had to have. I felt/feel so proud of myself, speaking my truth and realising that that is all that I have ever had to do. Sometimes I don’t feel that I am getting anywhere and then I am “tested” and that is where the proof is. I think of my self healing, family and the Greater Good. There is far to go but it is soooo worth it. Thank you Mel for deciding to be here in this lifetime.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        November 22, 2017

        Hi Me,

        that is wonderful that you showed up authentically – there is much power in that!

        It is SO worth it – great job!

        Mel xo

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    Healing
    November 19, 2017

    OMG! I had 2 narc parents who paid well for everything……. I never learned to take care of myself financially. my narc partners all had money or I left them. even making good money on my own I over spent…….. I want to heal this area of my life.

    My partner now has money and is loving and will help me; even so, one of my life goals is to flourish, and nourish myself financially …….. even if it falls from heaven into my lap 😀 . or if I am able to make it and save it and spend it.

    I desire a great shift in the way of ” every day in every way, my life is getting better and better.

    great segment mel, thnx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Healing,

      that is such a wonderful goal to have!

      It’s my pleasure and I am glad you enjoyed this one.

      Mel xo

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    Healing
    November 19, 2017

    I want to feel like I want to be here <3

  • Cphoto86@hotmail.com'
    Christina Preston
    November 19, 2017

    Mel, this is so me and I resonate with everything that you speak of here. I was wondering if you have the transcript for this episode? I have been working so hard on my healing and can’t seem to get a breakthrough or shift. Thank you for all the work that you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Christina,

      I am so glad this resonates with you.

      Are you in the NARP Forum as a NARPer receiving support and coaching? That will help so much.

      I am sorry Christina there isn’t a transcript of this one.

      Mel xo

  • lauradavimes@gmail.com'
    laura davimes
    November 19, 2017

    Hi Melanie: I think this is your best work to date. very powerful. This said it all in a way that I could connect AND feel so much hope.

    Thank you , Thank you, Thank you!

    Laura

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Laura,

      I am so pleased this really hit home for you.

      You are very welcome Laura.

      Wishing you blessings and amazing healing.

      Mel xo

  • Gudrun@shootoutcrew.co.za'
    Gudrun
    November 19, 2017

    Mel, I can honestly say that your work has changed my life. Not only have I managed to go and stay No Contact with the ex-Narc, but your work has helped me to deal with the father of my kids by establishing modified contact: all this has only been possible by recognising and healing my wounds. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Gudrun,

      That is so wonderful that you are doing so well!

      It’s my pleasure and thank you for being a Thriver and doing the work 🙂

      Mel xo

  • casting@sasharobertson.com'
    Sash Robertson
    November 19, 2017

    Dear Mel, this episode was so weirdly timely for me. I have had a very bad few weeks, having done NARP for 18 months I began to feel like nothing was working of me. But I realise I am getting nearer and nearer to the truth of me and having to face myself and this lack of sense of self. Through working NARP i have got so good at no contact (or modified as we have children) and I have been working so hard to heal. But recently my business has gone very quiet (for the first time in 20 years) and the Narcissist is finally leaving me alone after 22 year relationship. He seems to be happy with his new girlfriend and goes everywhere that I might go so I feel I have to avoid social situations in the fear that they will be there. My kids are growing up and don’t need me in the same way. And I have been left with me. Feeling fearful and afraid and life seems empty and dead and I feel totally disconnected and can’t work out how to move on. I feel weaker than ever. In fact I feel all you describe in the video.

    Last night my sister came to see me and we talked about my lack of sense of self and depression.. She suggested I go on anti depressants as she feels the last 3 years (of getting away from the N) has taken its toll on me. I am resistant as I have never taken them before but I have been feeling so bad and want to keep going for my business and kids.

    My first thought this morning when I woke was I have to find a way of working on my fragile sense of self and finding a way to love myself. I know I am hard on myself and negative. There is no avoiding it, it seems. Everything that has kept me occupied and so busy for the last 20 years has gone (husband, busy office, kids, family life). I find this so so hard. And then your video was there. I am going straight to module 2. Everything you say makes sense to me. My real fear at the moment is that I am not doing this property or getting the shifts. Or that it just isn’t working for me. I have tried to work on these blocks. I will keep going. I think perhaps I am getting to the core now and that really admitting to myself that this lack of self love and sense of self is key to it all (and that yes it’s been there all my life). Thank you so much Mel. There is no way to avoid this. My heart is pounding a little and I feel scared and anxious today but you give me hope. Lots of love Sash xx

    ps is it worth me signing up for 16 day recovery course if I’ve been doing NARP already?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Sash,

      wow what an incredible time in your life, as you said “leaving you with you”.I love that you are wanting to work on these blocks to come home to you.

      You are so on the right track with what you write Sash … and I highly suggest coming into the NARP Forum to connect with an incredible “tribe” and get help, support and encouragement at this time. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Your whole incredible life awaits Sash. Yes, do sign up for the 16 day Course Sash … it will definitely benefit you.

      Much Love to you too 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Upsidedowndevi@gmail.com'
    Devon
    November 19, 2017

    Thank you Mel, I am absolutely going to be listening to this one again and again. So so true and struck a cord deeply within me, especially the ‘survival’. I have felt so much movement in that area and know that I am emerging. I also know from past experience that now is the time to really put the foot on the gas and dig deep into these old programs to get under them and shift them. Thanks again for the timely reminder for me to recommit even more so.

    Much love to you and Tiggy and everyone here dedicated to their own healing and evolution xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Devon,

      you are very welcome Darling Lady. I love how you just continue to do the work to evolve you!

      Much love to you too from myself and Tiggy and thank you for your love to all.

      Mel xo

  • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
    TimC
    November 19, 2017

    Hi Mel, thank you for pointing me back to my centre …/\…
    I am the carer for my Narc mum, who is now also suffering from mixed dementia and I have discovered that she is in a state of emotional addiction. Any engagement with her is based on her being already primed, emotionally, in a self narrative of ego craving, compulsive, negative, self attention.
    I wonder, am I right to treat her consistent, entitled to attention attitude, as toxic ?
    Presently, I engage with her only in the most minimal way, not allowing myself to be drawn into ‘ fixing a mood ‘ that time after time in the past has proven to be fickle and dependent on a random hidden agenda.
    Of course I give attention to all her caring needs, provisions, household tasks etc but I feel I need to check myself, that I’m not being dismissive in arrogance.
    hope this makes sense
    much love Mel and thanks again to your spirit in the world

    Tim C

    • My_bba@yahoo.com'
      Hélène
      November 19, 2017

      Having cared for dementia pts in facilities and also my own family members in their homes and now my dad even, let me say, you are a hero for even doing this for ur mom. How you accomplish it, is another thing. You dont have to engage when she seeking supply. You simply dont. If you get to the point where you cant do the care also, do not feel bad. You are the priority here. Caring for her is good but only if you can do it without harming you. ((hugs)) you re a good son, no matter how it ends.

      • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
        Tim
        November 20, 2017

        Thank you Helene. Being aware when she is seeking supply seems to be key. Otherwise, I can support her effectively by keeping things short and to the point and not allowing myself to rise to any bait, noticing if I become adrenalized or becoming reactionary and not get carried away in blind behaviour.
        thanks again for your comment

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Tim,

      you are very welcome. You are doing a fantastic job with your Mum, well done for granting her what you do and being her carer. Tim, it is a little hard for me to know or say the answer to your question. What I would do in your position, would be to (as a NARPer) clear any confusion and set the goal to have clarity on “how to deal with her”.

      I feel you are doing great with the awareness that you have and the boundary in not getting drawn in. Maybe the clarity is just to remain detached with her and not to. And you probably don’t need to engage and respond when she is like that … because possibly now what would that be for?

      I think the answer to that is within you …

      Mel xo

      • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
        Tim
        November 20, 2017

        thank you Mel
        Yes, knowing the boundaries and leaving the self doubt quickly. Coming back to my peace with life.
        thanks again

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 21, 2017

          Hi Tim,

          it’s my pleasure 🙂

          That is fabbo you are doing so well Dear Man.

          Mel xo

  • clarkch5@hotmail.com'
    Resilient
    November 20, 2017

    Melanie this video deeply resonates. One of my takeaways: I matter because I AM matter! I felt that deeply. So many breakthroughs watching this video, and also a deep appreciation for grandparents (and ancestors) who’ve paved the way for me. My great grandparents healed their poverty consciousness by breaking a generational cycle and refusing to be on welfare, in which I reap the benefits in my own life today. Because they did the work on themselves, there is less trauma I need to clear out. I am now more conscious of what I’m passing on to my son, aware of what I need to heal in myself to pave the “Road Less Trauma-ed” for him. Thank you! 😉

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Resilient,

      I am so pleased this video resonated with you 🙂

      How fantastic and inspirational that you are sharing the breakthroughs of your forebears.

      I LOVE the “Road Less Trauma-ed” … Great expression!

      Mel xo

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    Rose
    November 20, 2017

    Hi Mel. It is amazing to realize the narc relationship happened, because I needed it to it to evolve. I have pressed in deeply to the pain and how I chose to face those wounds by partnering with someone who could not love me. I have also seen where I was attached to the pain, because I still was not ready to let go of my mother and father connection, from where the pain started. What I discovered was that to be a source to myself, I had to let go of the parental attachment. I had to break it. Going no contact with the narc is so hard, because it is breaking the attachment which triggers the attachment from our youth, that was so painful. Better to be attached to a negligent mother, than to have no mother at all. But this attachment left me feeling trapped in her horrific perception of me. Over time I learned I needed to face the grief I had been running from my whole life. I needed to face the reality of who she was and let go of the fantasy, the longing , the wish. I also had to let go that I was a bad person…that how she saw me, was her projection and not the reality of who I am. Only then, have I been able to start becoming a source to myself. Only now, on the other side of this work, am I beginning to experience freedom , real love, and a deep connection within. Now I have at times, moments of excitement and adventure, and feeling like the world is opening up before me with possibilities for a brighter future. I still feel twinges of grief and sadness, but less and less. There is a wonderful scripture that comes to mind, ‘weeping endures the night, but joy comes in the morning’, or as I like to say, mourning. Being a source to myself, is a path that others who were raised with healthy attachment take for granted. But for those of us that have mourned, there is a depth and value that is possible to us, and that is priceless.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 20, 2017

      Hi Rose,

      what a beautiful post for us all here.

      Thank you for being you and having the courage and spirit to do the journey back to holding and loving you that you have done, and sharing with people how it is possible for them too.

      You are an inspiration, Rose.

      Mel xo

    • pennykorpita@gmai.com'
      Penny
      November 20, 2017

      Hello Rose,

      I would like to thank you for posting. I too have been limiting contact with my mother and I love how you said that the attachment left you trapped in her horrific perception of you. Sometimes I feel guilty but I just can’t be that old version of myself anymore and she as a way of ambushing me with horribly mean messages that I finally have learned to ignore. I have attracted N relationships all my life and now at 55 and through this program am understanding why and learning how to let go. (Thank you Melanie!) When you are raised to believe you will never be good enough to succeed at anything as I was all of the same messages from men served to reenforce what I already believed was true about myself. Now I understand that none of these messages were true. I still cry at night a lot however I listen to Melanie’s healing angel meditation every single night. I also do a module every time I am triggered. When I am not home I stop and remind myself that true thoughts feel good and false thoughts feel wrong so even if I am not able to listen I am learning how to redirect my thoughts and release the fears.
      Good Luck!

      • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
        Val
        November 20, 2017

        Dear Penny,
        how beautiful that you are connecting with you true self and releasing that old , false inner identity of ” not good enough” and healing so deeply that you can disconnect the fear based thoughts when they come. Like you , I was very moved by Rose’s post, as it seems we have all had that shared experience of being so painfully rejected and abandoned by mothers with NPD. I’m a little older than you, and it also took me this long to let go of the old and painful inner identity with Melanie’s guidance and resources . Great you’re working with the modules and this will allow you to release any remaining guilt. i love that for all you’ve been through, there’s such a gentleness and humility shining brightly, the light of your own beautiful Spirit bringing more peace and acceptance and kindness to our earthly home. thank you from my heart to yours. Melanie often says that as we heal ourselves , we help heal the planet …and I’m feeling that in my heart and soul today reading your words and what Rose has shared . Sending you love and Angel blessings xxoo💛💛

        • pennykorpita@gmail.com'
          Penny
          November 22, 2017

          Hi Val,
          Thank you so much for your kind response to my post. “Have courage and be kind” has become somewhat of a mantra for me now. I too wish you angel blessings, to all of you! I am wondering if you or anyone else reading has been having a difficult time processing all of the public sexual abuse issues coming out in the American press? Today it was Charlie Rose who I have always admired. It has triggered numerous memories for me and lots of anger that I have suppressed having to do with past N sexual misconduct, harassment and assault. I wrote about it in my journal and have decided to devote this evening and quite a bit of tomorrow to modules that will help release the anger and injustice. I am grateful that I have a plan yet at the same time wonder if the deep wounds of sexual trauma can be healed? Sometimes it seems like I am peeling an onion as I work on myself and I can relate to everything Melanie discussed this evening about the holidays, feeling old, lonely and distracting myself with Netflix and work. It would be so easy to crawl under my quilt with my cat and stay there but I am determined to carry on. Isn’t it amazing that Melanie seems to read our minds and always come up with the right thing to discuss at the right time? I am so grateful!
          Blessings, Light & Love,
          Penny

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            November 22, 2017

            Hi Penny,

            I so do believe we can heal our traumas including sexual abuse Dear Lady.

            That is so wonderful that you are going to keep up-levelling Penny!

            Sending so many blessings and love to you.

            Mel xo

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      November 20, 2017

      Dear Rose, hugs and thank you for you beautiful post..I remember Brene Brown said in one of her books
      ” owning our own story is the bravest thing we will ever do” ..I was deeply touched by your journey there and the tenderness that comes through as you share it. It was indeed the hardest thing for me .because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be the ” unwanted one”. .like you I ran and ran from it all my life. Until I couldn’t run any more. In your post, I feel the depth of your courage and your spirit growing brighter and stronger in all it’s beauty as you release those who couldn’t love you. ..I too lived that trying to belong, desperately hoping to be loved by a mother who couldn’t love and abandoned me at a young age. My inner identity became ” the unwanted one”. I knew I must be wrong/ bad/ not loveable from that. Yes , I so agree , NARP healing takes us to an unimagined reality where safety, stability, kindness , peace and predictable , healthy behaviour from others and ourselves are just some of the things we can rely on and provide for ourselves. Who knew this would ever be possible?? I am deeply moved by the tenderness in your words and experience Rose…thank you for sharing it..I’ve learnt since doing this healing work with Melanie that “belonging ” is not something we need to negotiate with others . One of the most life changing lessons for me as I never felt I belonged . Now I know, that as part of Source energy, part of Spirit , connected to all Life as we are, that we always have and always will ” belong”, beyond time and space. may your days be joyful and peaceful Rose and all your dreams come true. Angel blessings xoxo

  • ilonanoskova@yahoo.com'
    Ilona
    November 20, 2017

    Melanie,

    I just want to thank you for guiding me through back to the light because everytime. Everytime I get discouraged there it is, your email with direction that echoes me back to truth. Thank you for doing the work that you do so diligently because so many need it and I feel like the so-called victimized are also the so forgotten becuasr nobody really knows on the deeper level how to dig them back to life. I know this work is truly the way and what a blessing it has been in my life!!

    😇😇

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 21, 2017

      Hi Ilona,

      please know how welcome you are, and it is my pleasure 🙂

      I love that you are connected to Thriving!!

      Many blessings to you Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    T.T.
    November 21, 2017

    Hi Melanie!

    Everyone here knows how “the story goes” with the n (badly!) and how rough path this healing journey has been, so I won’t go into details here now with my story with the n.

    But I’ve done narp and eft, with a eft (emotional freedom healing) therapist.

    It has actually started to bother me, when this therapist said to me: ” EFT actually saved you from that unhealthy relationship!
    The answer to how you became attracted to him in the first place is that he has some
    similarities to your parents. If you look at the patterns in your relationship, you’ll see the connection.”

    I’ve gain so much awareness and healing by now, that I would almost say, that the N actually saved me from myself! It is like you say, a massive wake up call. It is very interesting, now when the worst pain and shock is gone and there is more “space” in my mind to think…how this all actually happened in soul/energetic level. So I don’t feel bad anymore, and feel nothing towards him.

    But what annoys me, this comment about my parents. I say this as a gentle joke, but I’m over 40 years old now…could we just finally let my parents and childhood “off the hook”? His whole healing ideology (I feel) was based on this “blaming parents”, and I actually don’t want to work with him anymore. My parents are not n’s, not especially bad, but not perfect either, who would be!?
    I think this statement: “he (the n) has some similarities to your parents”, is more correctly: the n was a direct reflection of my woundings! Whether it all came from my parents or wherever, does it even matter? I think the woundings can come anywhere like a flu, even from past generations and this thought has made me feel peace about it.
    I’d be curious to hear what you think about this?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 21, 2017

      Hi T.T.,

      I am so anti “blaming” in any shape or form.I totally agree that our parents and what they “did” or “didn’t do” was only a symptom of something much greater – human trauma, epigenetic trauma, generational trauma, ancient trauma …

      There is a much bigger picture!

      Mel xo

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        T.T.
        November 22, 2017

        I agree! If this “parents theory” would be true, then why I have attracted n’s and my sister has a normal boyfriend and my other sister is already married, and they probably have never even heard the word n! I can’t understand why a therapist talks such rubbish and I believed him for a very long time (and paid quite a lot of money of these sessions!). I think at the finale of the n relationship, I was so confused and vulnerable, that I was an easy target to all kinds of brainwashing…

        I have given up blaming my parents, the n, or anyone. I really thought about it: If I blame someone, my focus is on them, when it should be in my own healing. And if we blame other people, then we are forever in the victim position!

        This video was very good, thanks! Especially the last 5-10 minutes really resonated with me. This is something I have thought about for a very long time. I think I have always been a fearful person. Like I’m not safe in life, not safe “in my body”, not safe with men etc. I think the fear tells us: “alert, pay attention! Now here is something dangerous”. Like it would be naive and stupid to go near a crocodile, lion or poisonous snake and pretend it’s safe and nothing to fear of.
        But with men, now I’m not sure how this “works”, I fear that if I let go of all the fear inside of me, does it make me even more prone to become harmed, or is it so, that because I have fear inside of me, then I am a “match” to dangerous, threatening men (like n’s)? How the law of attraction works here? I think the fact is, n or not, all men are definitely not safe. What is the normal amount of fear, healthy fear?

  • blhutton01@gmail.com'
    Lisa Hutton
    November 21, 2017

    I’ve been listening for a year now. I’ve been to a therapist who said she I was suffering from low self esteem and a blow to my ego from being married and thrown away by an abusive man. We were married 24 years, after raising two beautiful twin girls and a long battle with health issues, I began to withdraw inside myself. My husband got mad said because I withdrew he was forced to cheat and was now leaving me. He said he deserves to be happy. I battle with this all being my fault. I was raised in a dysfunctional family, an older brother who was and is very emotional abusive. Possibly narcissistic. A emotionally unavailable mother who is now gone. An alcoholic abusive father also deceased. I think I am a loving and deeply caring person. I feel squashed but I know I have value, i just have to find myself. I’m 56 and so lost but have a hope for a new beginning. I must sell my home and move. He left me with all the debt and a home in such need of repair. I felt it was a beautiful home. Now I see it was as neglected as I was.. Strange how once free your perception changes…

    • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
      Val
      November 21, 2017

      Hi Lisa ,
      firstly sending you hugs and new beginnings are truly possible at our age ( I’m a bit older than you too!) . When you said you feel so lost, it touched my heart because I felt like that too…I was totally lost from myself and my outer life had collapsed.it was as it turns out, life changing in the best possible way…. ” the night is darkest before the dawn…” …..I hope you may join Melanie’s 16 day free recovery program, it truly can be the beginning of your new beginning/ new life🌺. There’s a button at the top of Melanie’s Facebook page where you can join. Please know you don’t need to do it all alone, there’s loads of love and support here for you from Melanie and this community who understand . sending you Angel blessings 💛

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 21, 2017

      Hi Lisa,

      It certainly is incredible what happens when reality hits and how we do see things so differently!

      Please know Lisa many of us did suffer from self-worth issue … and I promise you it is healable – and so much more powerfully than we could have ever known when we start shifting our Inner Being and releasing trauma – which is what Quanta Freedom Healing has done for so many people in this Community.

      Have you signed up to my free resources yet? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com.freecourse – there is so much in there to help you reclaim you and heal beyond the life you had been living.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • blhutton01@gmail.com'
        Lisa Hutton
        November 22, 2017

        Yes, I did. Thank you so much for all the much needed help. Truly very grateful.❤️ Lisa

  • lindasims100@gmail.com'
    Linda
    November 21, 2017

    Hello Melanie!
    You are an angel. I’m a “NARPER” since 2016 and did the recovery modules. Your program saved my life and enabled me to feel safe and free of so much past trauma.
    My son is my concern now because he is showing narcissistic traits like his dad has. How do I keep myself on my healing path and help him? I feel so much pain for him and also for my daughter who he is verbally abusive to (both my son and daughter are grown, out on their own, mid 20’s).
    I realize the road he has ahead but know that I can’t resolve his issues.
    I am grateful beyond measure for you Melanie. You are so beautiful and giving.
    Love, Linda

  • Charaln71@gmail.com'
    Nina
    November 21, 2017

    Hi Mel

    Thank you so much for this video
    Working on oneself is number one
    There is nothing we can’t achieve if we work on ourselves
    I wish I met you years ago. But I’m happy now

    Much love
    Nina
    Love Tiggy

  • darcylynnb@hotmail.com'
    Darcy
    November 27, 2017

    This was excellent, as always – thank you!

  • bola.odulate@gmail.com'
    Rania
    November 28, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    As a way of saying thank you for this valuable, timely video, I’d like to share a Georgia O’Keefe quote I discovered today:

    “I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain, and I am quite free.”

    It’s like a beautiful flower that sums up what you’re saying about being a source to one’s self, and that I can easily carry around with me.

    I am so inspired by your work Melanie. Not just to heal myself, but also to ensure that I am available to offer my own unique gifts to others.

    Much love to you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 28, 2017

      Hi Rania,

      what a beautiful quote I love it!!

      Thank you for your share and please know you are so welcome 🙂

      So much love to you too.

      Mel xo

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Megan
    November 28, 2017

    You do great things for so many people. Thank you! Have you ever considered making an experience/program around the holiday season? I once did a 30 day healing and meditation program where I was sent one email a day and given activities to do each day around healing and reflection – journalling, sort of. This was an amazing experience that truly helped decrease stress around the holidays. I think it was called a 30 day challenge although I don’t remember. I paid 10.00 for it and it was worth every penny a thousand times over. It would be amazing to do things that will help us connect with our survival brains around that time. I try to do meditations on my own although if there is family drama, I find it hard to engage or have time to listen. It’s easier to write something down. Just a thought – I love what you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 29, 2017

      Hi Megan,

      thank you!

      That is a wonderful thought, thank you for your input and I will certainly put this to the MTE team.

      Mel xo

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