Today I want to talk to you about the 7 ways you can stop thinking about the narcissist and start living.
This is long and probably one of the most profound and straight to the core lessons I have ever shared with you.
I suggest really concentrating and making sure you won’t be disturbed as you absorb this …
About The “Stinking Thinking”
One of the most horrible things about narcissistic abuse is the obsession about the narcissist – what happened to you, what it all meant, and the constant thinking that just can’t seem to be rationalised, put away and let go of.
Most of us mere mortals just couldn’t achieve this logically.
There is so much more going on than just trying to “stop thinking” about it.
The truth is you CAN’T.
We tried this – you know it to be true.
So how do we “stop thinking” about narcissists and start living? The only answer to this is by going through a deep transformation of ourselves.
The constant thinking doesn’t heal you from constant thinking, it just doesn’t work – as you already know.
But the following 7 steps I am sharing with you do.
Are You Ready To Stop Obsessive Thinking?
Do you want to know how to stop thinking about the narcissist?
Not just in a way where you say, “I’m over that” and try to numb out with Netflix or throwing yourself into something to distract yourself or even taking on habits such as drinking, socialising, and addictive practices to try to numb out from it all.
But rather, “not thinking” because you literally don’t think about it. Because the old life is really like just a memory of a memory. It’s like it happened to someone else and strangely you don’t regret any of it. Because you are living in a different vibrational reality, one that delivers true inner happiness, wholeness, and peace as well as the ability to generate and achieve all your life goals.
As far away as this seems right now – I promise you this – if you are no longer durably and genuinely thinking about the narcissist, without using distracting bypasses – you are on your way to this.
Do you want this? Are you ready for this?
If your answer is yes, then let’s go through the very honest and TRUE ways to get there.
Step 1 – Release The Ego Lie
We didn’t know this initially – narcissists are a False Self. They are not real people who do real relationships. They operate in the shadows (darkness and lies) by manipulating others in order to attach and parasite off their energy. They need attention, significance, and stuff to maintain their own existence. They don’t have any original energy or an authentic self of their own.
They are like a dark, black hole, not connected to Creation, Source or Life Force itself, having to suck from others to exist. This is no less than “anti-life” needing “life” to survive.
You are not a dark Soul, you have Life Force to offer and this is why a narcissist targets you as prey.
The following is vital to understand – a narcissist cannot latch onto and into you without your permission. They need your acquiescence to enter your Soul, life, energy, and resources.
But you may say, “Melanie, I was a child I had no choice with my narcissistic parent.” Now this is where we need to take this to a deeper spiritual “reason”.
This is a Soul contract (as it was for all of us with unconscious parents – which is most of us). The families we are born into play an enormous part in igniting what it is that, as adults, we will be challenged with healing and freeing ourselves from for the purpose of our own evolution.
Many of us did not land in families where we had a “feathered nest”. Conscious parenting and the understanding of how to raise a child to have a solid whole inner identity has NOT been part of earth’s curriculum in most parts of this planet.
As a Soul I don’t believe there isn’t anything we didn’t choose to experience in order to grow and awaken out of our spiritual amnesia (I am Soul in a physical body who forgot Who I Really Am).
As children we were powerless to see through the ego dance and stories about “identities” and “stuff”. We needed love, approval, security, and survival from outside sources. We did not know at this point how our fears and ego attachments for survival and the creation of our Inner Identities stripped us from developing our True Selves.
Ideally, we would have “grown up” with self-modelling parents who loved and supported themselves and helped us develop our inner identities for “ourselves”, for our inner Light, for our connection to the unique, lovable, worthy Beings we are, instead of making it conditional on how we looked, preformed and what we achieved.
Our programming made us believe that we were only loveable and worthy if we had or did certain things. We were taught to disconnect from our inner love, worth, truth, freedom and the unique expression of our own Soul and Source divine gifts, expressions, path and truth.
Our conditioning (attachment to outer forces, recognition, and achievements) became our “God” our “Source” and we disconnected further away from our Soul and our True Source (Inner God).
Narcissists have “permission” to come into your life because you are living in this unconscious ego story.
You may be shocked by this – and say, “But Melanie I am conscious! I have done years (decades) of work on myself. I am living a completely conscious life, I eat healthy, I do juice fasts, I meditate, I pray! Why can’t I stop obsessing about this person.”
I promise you this, you haven’t awakened fully yet to what has really happened here, you haven’t yet done the inner transformational work, and you haven’t yet come home.
And that’s okay – I was there for years too, and now I’m not and this is why I can teach you how to get there.
Here is how narcissists play with us when we are still stuck in the “life from the outside in” ego story – they pretend to “be” what you are seeking. It goes like this, “With ME you will have unconditional love, acceptance, happiness, expansion, and a great life of joy, love and achievement.”
It’s a lie. We can only BE these things and then, and only then from True Source flow do we generate more of this with others.
We cling to the lie. We make this person our Source (God) and we battle gallantly and fruitlessly to get these things FROM them. But they are NOT our God.
They are in fact the messenger of how we are not “home” being the generative experience of these things for ourselves. They steal from you everything that is your Life Force and resources, whilst having no intention of granting you your connection to Source and a True Life.
In this programmed ego lie, we are cut off from the Light, in an ego battle in the darkness with a Dark Self.
Are you prepared to let go of this ego lie and reclaim your True Self?
I’m getting bolder with my teachings now, about explaining the real deeper truths to you – because I know that it’s time to do so!
I believe in your maturity and inner wisdom and teachability enough to know that you can keep up with this and I know sugar-coating this and just telling you what you want to hear is not going to help you.
Real people want real answers and real solutions.
(I don’t believe you would be tuning in to my work unless you wanted this – you’d be more likely to be on a channel focusing on narcissistic abuse without solutions to heal from it for real.)
You have to face the truth of the necessity of letting go of your personal ego lie of narcissistic abuse to get to the next step.
Step 2 – Releasing This Person As Your False Source
Okay – here it is. There is only one reason we obsess about what someone has or hasn’t done to us – we hold them responsible as the Source of our Life. We don’t as yet know how to come home to our own power centre of our Soul and our True Source, and rather we are hooked on False Sources.
We feel like broken powerless children agonising over someone not being the healthy, supportive, protective, generative “parent” that we wanted them to be. This could be assigned to an actual parent, another family member, or a lover, spouse, friend, any person at all …
Not being able to let go of holding them responsible for YOU is the obsession. Seeing “only they” can grant you some aspect of YOUR life is causing you to obsess about it.
Blaming them and holding them responsible for the destruction of YOUR life is causing the obsession of this. I understand, I did it too for years. Until I owned that I was participating – not as a bad person, but as a person who felt small and unlovable and unworthy on the inside clinging on trying to force another to “this time finally love and accept me and care for me”.
Blaming and shaming and holding others responsible is powerless victimisation and abuse forums are steeped in this – which grants people absolutely no possibility of generating any sort of healing and evolution beyond it.
We have to own what we need to heal inside ourselves. It showed us how handing over our Souls and selves to try to earn love, approval, security and survival has backfired terribly. Narcissistic abuse, if we choose to wake up, shocks us out of the disasters as adults (as children we were powerless) that is our own powerlessness and smallness. But we have to be humble and honest with ourselves.
If we are honest with ourselves, we did this out of fear – things like attachment to the bricks and mortar and fear for the future (ego identity props). We can even say that we did this for our children, yet in doing so we have kept the ego lie going – handing over their Souls, emotional truths and health for “stuff” and “compliance” and “expectations”.
If we are not prepared to do the inner work on ourselves to let this go, then we stay there. You will obsess about “the non-granting other”. You stay emotionally, vibrationally, and spiritually attached and the entire time (even if you have left the narcissist physically) this person is sucking on your Life Force through spiritual chords.
They are still parasitising off you – and you are giving them spiritual / psychic permission to do so, because of these broken parts of you that are still holding them (as a victim) responsible for your life.
This is why (even years later) you feel like this person has taken over your mind and emotions like some body-snatcher. The truth is – YOU are hanging on to this. You haven’t let go of them as your Source, and you haven’t done the inner work to connect yourself to True Source yet.
Module 1 and Module 2 work of The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) deeply reach these parts inside you that are stuck on this.
By releasing the traumas and false powerless beliefs you bring in the light of True Source to connect you to your authentic power centre. This is between you, your Soul and Source (whatever your understanding of The Light or The Higher Power is).
Then, immediately, the obsession about the narcissist starts to melt away – for all the reasons I just shared with you.
Now we need to deal with the “stinking thinking” about all the regrets of what you have (till now) unconsciously been participating in.
Step 3 – Let Go Of The Pain That Life Didn’t Work Out The Way You Wanted It To
This is another deep false ego story – the attachments to thinking life was meant to be “this” or “that”. It’s the attachment to thinking our inner identity is attached to “results the way we think they have to be” and certain “acquisitions”, or we can’t be whole and happy.
This is not the truth.
If you are stuck in “what should have been” and rolling around in these dark inner traumas, these cause terrible victimised obsession. It blocks up all of your creative, unlimited, expansive True Self flow, as well as starting to live the only life which was going to genuinely gratify you.
Again, our programming has been direly responsible for this, and narcissistic abuse plays straight into this as the huge wake-up lesson out of it. Most of us were attached to our “dream life”. It was all a mirage. It was the illusion of our egoic constructs, born from false programming – the way we believed others saw us as lovable and worthy. It’s also responsible for the way we project our ego desires onto another, hold them responsible for our lives and turn away from the magnificence of the truth of our own Souls.
I can’t promise you enough with all of my heart, that the spiritual compensation (at every level) on the other side of this, after your dark night of the Soul and letting go of all that doesn’t serve you, will blow your mind. NO matter what you have lost, how old you are or how sick you have become.
This is the slingshot if you are prepared to face the truth, do the work and want to reach for your evolution.
This means all feelings of loss, despair, regret, resentment, victimisation, hopelessness, and beliefs about not being able to rebuild have to go … you have to let them go. None of this can happen when you remain clogged up with them. There is no room for the True Source Self to enter and activate within you.
Module 3 of NARP addresses exactly this.
After these traumas have gone and you have filled with Light, you will NOT be thinking about what you lost and didn’t experience with the narcissist – in fact the narcissist starts becoming that distant memory.
Because you will feel released from the past, and hope, inspiration and promise for the future starts being sensed as real for you – even without any physical proof of their arrival yet.
That is what true creation really is. It has to come from within first.
Step 4 – Free Your Soul From Its Wounds
For the first time in your life, you see the greatest value of you as your Soul. Not outer stuff and things. Yet conversely you sense that by valuing your Soul and healing it, that all else is possible as well.
There is deep excavation work necessary. There are many trauma signatures within you where other people’s wounded selves have infiltrated you and caused damage with unconscious, unkind, abusive, neglectful or even criminal behaviours.
Such has been human life – and the experience most of us (definitely in this community) have lived to a large degree. We were assaulted with unconscious, inhumane acts from narcissists which tore at the very fabric of our inner identities.
But now, we need to go to another level – to be “in this world but not in victimised human consciousness anymore”, so we can be the Light that shines within this darkness, as our True Selves leading the way – not just for ourselves, but also for our children and their children and the collective at large.
This is not about changing what is dark to Light – it is about leaving it alone and being the alternative – The Light.
Our greatest job ever is to clean up our own Inner Beings. It’s ours. It’s our responsibility. No one else can do it for us, and it’s our greatest and highest purpose to assign our own Soul as our greatest mission to achieve peace, love, solidness and wholeness within and then be the Soul that can shine That Light for others.
This is not self-sacrificial work. It’s also not selfish work. It’s selfish for those you love (as well as yourself) not to do this work. It’s the only work that will deliver you to the only life that would truly make your heart sing and ignite you into being the person who has the inspiration, joy, courage, freedom, and inner guidance to connect to your Highest Self and dreams – not because you “need” them to try to “get” yourself – but because you are living life from your Soul now.
This Beingness also grants others permission to be humble, self-examine with self-love, release their wounds, live free of them and follow in your Soul steps.
Additionally, “ships come in over smooth waters”. By doing this inner liberation work, or freeing inner traumas no longer are you attracting “more of” your fears and unhealed wounds.
The Field (everything in your experience) can now respond by supplying you with that which matches your new evolved up-levelled vibrational inner reality.
This means support, love, peace, and more wholeness. Positive opportunities, synchronicity and miracles also start to appear.
How much do you think you will be “thinking about” the narcissist now?
But how do you get here? You can’t just logically flick a switch.
It is doing the diligent inner excavation work of all the traumas of the terrible things that have hurt you. Feeling them, loading them up, letting them go and replacing them in your body, with The Light which is the Highest part of you.
This moves you out of the horrific betrayals and terrible assaults done to you. You know when you have achieved this, because you can think about them (only with effort because it is no longer “yours”) without any emotional charge whatsoever. It’s like it happened to someone else and is no longer relevant to you.
You will get there, as I and thousands of others have.
Modules 4 and 5 in NARP achieve this.
Step 5 – Free Yourself From Obligation To Others
If I use myself as the sacrificial lamb to try to fix and save you – then I am enabling you to sacrifice me on the alter for your benefit. If I turn my water on your vegetables and don’t water my own, then mine perish to maintain yours.
This is not humanity.
Abusers don’t learn how to embrace and embody humanity whilst others keep enabling them to be abusers.
We don’t help ourselves and we don’t help others by trying to fix them whilst we are being damaged.
One of the greatest understandings I learned through the Thriver Recovery of my Soul was that feeling sorry for people and destroying myself in the process not only enabled them to continue abusing me, it shattered my life and toxically traumatised me.
I allowed and participated in this.
It also taught my son, by example, that self-sacrificial abuse was “okay” and that we are supposed to stay attached to unreasonable, irresponsible, and even criminal people trying to fix them whilst we hold them responsible for our life – even whilst they are destroying it.
Is it any wonder that humanity is so sick with abuse patterns and programs that we have been passing on to our future generations?
Now I know that even a friend who continually dumps their victim story on me but refuses to take responsibility or do the inner work is not my reality. I don’t allow these conversations anymore because I know it feels incredibly toxic and draining to my Inner Being. Yes, I can be loving and compassionate, but am I empowering them if I just continually reinforce that they are a powerless victim and let them use me as their emotional dump master without healing anything to actually get out of their situation?
Of course I’m not.
That’s not real love – it’s not me caring about me or them. It’s me trying to take the easy way out – which it absolutely isn’t!
It really is time for all of us – if we are to stop thinking about feeling sorry for narcissists – to empower ourselves and honour our Inner Truth, to give all of humanity the opportunity to heal and up-level. This is the only way we feel good, truthful, authentic and have the power and space to create an incredible life.
I have seen in my own life, the incredible graduation of my son out of his victimhood, when I stopped trying to fix him, and instead healed, honoured, and valued myself, started setting boundaries and led the way.
I have seen friendships blossom into true, authentic, and evolved ones as a result of my honest and tough love with people. And wonderfully I have been able to set boundaries with people who don’t have the resources or the desire to stop being abusive, irresponsible and / or parasitical and completely disconnected without any regret, guilt, or pain – no matter who they are.
This needs to be your truth too – if you wish to be free and truly live and love healthily.
And to stop thinking about all the “I should have”, “I could have” and “was it me?”, and “I was not compassionate, and caring enough” or “what will people think of me because I walked away” crap that can keep us hooked into thinking about narcissists.
Module 6 of NARP does this incredible inner mop-up work of our obligation and guilt-ridden co-dependencies.
Step 6 – Stop Trying To Control Your Life
I used to be an avid control freak, and really where this was coming from is, “I feel so out of control on the inside, I’m trying to compensate by being firmly in control on the outside.” Now I know what a false premise and “how to lose” strategy this is.
Our entire lives are generated from “the inside” no matter how much thinking and doing we try to employ. It all comes from our Beingness. If we are “being” traumatised, unsafe, and anxious on the inside, life and others will keep supplying us more of the same as the evidence of ULTIMATE TRUTH – “Incredible Creator That You Are, can you not see that it’s your Beingness generating this!?”
This is why Divine Will not Thy Will is everything! Divine Will means you let go of the terrors, anxieties, need to control and confusions on the inside (which means the accompanying thoughts will simply melt away), and fill up where they were with The Light.
What is in The Light of Quanta Freedom Healings? It’s your Higher Self. Your True Source Potential. It is your Super-Conscious Self. It is everything you want.
As more and more of this enters your Being, into the spaces within where your trauma was once clogging you up, feelings of calm, solidness and wholeness come on-line. You feel self-love and self-approval (which are your natural states without trauma). From this space and calm and peace inside you can finally hear your inner guidance.
This comes to you as intuition, feelings of inspiration and the ability to “see and hear” messages in your life. It could be the words of a song. Something that pops up in your newsfeed. It could be a random conversation you had with someone. Then you start to understand that Source / God / Consciousness is in all things, everywhere and is always granting you the information to take your next highest step forward.
The greatest joy and relief in my life now, and I see this with so many other Thrivers working with the NARP Healings, is the freedom of NOT knowing. The ability to be called, inspired, and connect to life in ways that are magical. Sometimes I only know my next step, sometimes I don’t know it at all. All I know I ever need to do is keep releasing any of my internal triggers (Who I am NOT) replace them with The Light (Who I Really Am) and be present and show up as myself … truly that is it.
Them I am “myself” – honest, following through on my inner voice and living from my heart centre instead of derailed by the crazy trauma in my brain.
I studied these philosophies years ago, but I had never embodied them. I used to try to do hours of meditation, chanting, yoga, and all sorts of things to try to still my mind to reach my inner voice, but I never had lasting success.
I had far too much internal trauma inside which was triggering many fears that my mind was then trying to process. What I discovered through Quanta Freedom Healings is that by going inside to clear out the triggering traumas and fears and replacing them with The Light, that I organically became centred. There was no efforting to try to keep returning there, hold that state or make it last.
It just was …
Not knowing and being connected to my inner voice has catapulted me into experiences of connection, love, truth, success, and prosperity that I couldn’t even begin to believe could be mine.
Divine Will (matching what my Soul always yearned for anyway) is far more powerful that my fearful controlling mind could ever orchestrate. The relief of Letting Go and Letting God, as well as how much it frees me up to just live – is exhilarating.
It will be for you too.
How much do you think you will still be bogged down in thinking about the narcissist now?
Module 7 of NARP is the healing transformation from your will to the much Higher and powerfully successful Divine Will. Modules 8 and 9 help you release any remaining fears of the narcissist, or any hold that the narcissist themselves, still has over you.
Step 7 – Live Your True Life As Your True Self
With this inner work you are moving out of programmed human ego falsities into the returning home to your true coded DNA Self – your True Self.
This is the Self living from your Source inspired centre. It equals how to win at the Game of Life.
This is the Self who is connected to and partnered with your intuition, your Inner Being and your Soul purpose.
You stop seeing yourself as a small, powerless, unworthy being having to earn love, approval, security, and survival.
You have stopped asking for permission for your freedom, choices, power, and inspired living.
You no longer get shackled by the guilt of people not liking your expansion, trying to hold you back, stop you or limit you in any way. You DO NOT acquiesce to tyranny or narcissism anymore. It has no hold on you.
You are not scared to shine and BE yourself and you are no longer attached to the fact that there are people who will not like you or agree with you and may even try to defile you.
You have moved past needing to be defined by others – you have come home to knowing Who You Are (a fractal of Source) living as Source flowing through you as you regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
This is Heaven on Earth. This is the True Self template for all of us, that awaits you, just as it did me, as the rising from the ashes out of narcissistic abuse to claim and return home to the actualisation of our True Lives.
Diamonds are birthed from intense heat and pressure.
Pearls arise from the continuous grinding of grit in their shell.
The greatest gold is mined from the deep darkness.
This was a Soul contract, a dark night of the Soul, that happened FOR you – not to you.
If you don’t “see”, “claim” and get to work on this, then you will stay stuck in the Soul contract which doesn’t end FOR you, until you do.
That is what the obsessing is. The constant stinking thinking, the analysis paralysis, the feeling like you are going crazy, can’t get this person out of your head and will never recover.
This is your Soul and Source saying to you, “How much pain and suffering do you need before you stop trying to figure this out in your head, drop into your heart, meet your Soul, do the inner work and free yourself?”
Module 10 of NARP delivers you home – to this place – after all the other steps in order, to bring you here.
Home to YOU the REAL YOU.
How much do you think you will think about a False Self, and what they could have granted you then?
Do you think it is possible that you will look back at all of this as “so meant to be”?
If you make it this far, if you follow these steps, I can assure you that you will.
Thank you for making it this far in this candid and I hope Soul-enlightening conversation.
I look forward to hearing from NARPers in our community, how far you feel you are along in these steps. What new revelations did this article bring forth for you?
Also, if you are new to my community, did this resonate with you? Has anyone else ever had this conversation with you yet?
I look forward to your comments and questions below.
I LOVE your “Tough Love.” Bring it on!!! I’m a straight shooter and you cannot be “too” real for me. I’m loving the Dating Bootcamp! Week 4 is dynamite. Keep on keeping on, Dear Melanie. The Truth will piss you off before it sets you free but The Truth ROCKS!!!
The Truth will Piss you off before it sets you free should be on my t shirt.
😉
Where do I get info on the dating bootcamp?
I am a narp member and I am interested in the dating bootcamp.
Hi Teri,
if you write in to [email protected] the team can fill you in!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Susan,
thank you Dear Lady!
Abundant continued love and blessings to you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Melanie, I have to thank you with all my heart for having the grace and clarity to not only transcend your own traumas but to share with us stunning insights that are powerfully moving and inspiring. Your honesty, willingness to be vulnerable and your courage to help others reclaim their soul spark is quite a gift.
Thank you for being such an extraordinary light.
Hi Knox,
Please know how welcome you are and thank you for your lovely words.
I feel really honoured and humbled to receive them from you.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you, I needed to hear this. Powerful message.
It’s my pleasure Fran,
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you again for being your authentic self and “going there” where so many others are afraid to go. This article made me realize that I have more work to do. I’ve been over the modules dozens of times but my soul cries out for more. Is there an app or anything where I can travel freely with the modules?
Yes an app would be so handy for NARP etc including the blog posts sent to it.
Hi Janyss,
If you have an iphone, there is an app you can download – you can get more information from [email protected].
Even if you don’t have an iphone, you can download the modules to your phone – or I transferred mine onto an old ipod. Again, if it isn’t obvious how to download the modules when you go into the program, just contact support and they can help you.
You can download the modules and therefore have them on your phone or mp3.
I continue to put one foot in front in another as I walk forward in my (difficult, yes) journey through this. I thank Melanie once again for showing me the many ways ahead I have yet to fully learn and practice (I endeavor to improve, each day I do). I am grateful for the support and encouragement I read and feel from this forum / blog and the commonality / humanity of others who also experience these traumas and their healing paths. Both are so deeply valuable to what is becoming, as it is described here simply, “Living.”
Thank you Man
We all need each other😘 .Our Lights of Power,break the darkness.
What a powerful article! There are so many powerful insights here I don’t know where to begin to thank you!
I especially loved the “releasing the need to control”. And the “not trying to turn darkness into light, but to just BE the Light”.
So much has happened on a global scale in last two years that I have had to give up all sense of control. That’s a huge one for me because I was used to moving mountains in prayer. But wow, the whole world went into Narc Abuse overdrive and I couldn’t pivot fast enough to get things under control again. It’s like the whole world was my patient and was sicker than I ever knew.
NARP taught me just in time that the same healing that got me out of Narc abuse is the same healing that will keep me in PERFECT PEACE when the world goes through it’s necessary upheavals: I heal and live my REAL LIFE which is higher than the human circumstances.
PEACE within is my goal. A full inner peace. A positive present powerful unshakable PEACE.
Peace is the DOMINION we have as children of a Divine Creator. Unshakable PEACE. An inner fullness of tangible EQUANIMITY. INNER DOMINION. Nothing can shake it. We are ONE within ourselves.
Whatever is going on I don’t need to know about it in order to control its outcome for my happiness. I don’t need to fix it, fret it, or fixate on it. My happiness is within.
My heart must be informed by a PEACE that passes knowledge. A Peace sourced by God. That realm is within me and when found we never look without for it.
This PEACE is the highest healing. It is the purpose of LIFE to connect with ourself. It is the beginning of everything and the final goal of everything. It is not until I have found myself in Perfect Rest that truly Source driven Creation can conceive through me.
If I am a string instrument, and God wants to play me to bring forth a pure sound, it is best if I am at rest. BE STILL and Know that I AM God. It is God’s song, not mine that is beautiful and harmonious.
Peace should be the measure of Health.
Inner Peace is the only power.
Dear Iris
Thank you for giving your Lovely comment….we all need ” Peace”
Dear Melanie!
In spite of how incredibly difficult so much of this life journey of mine has been my answer is YES!!! Little by little I am beginning to realize that all of this is “so meant to be”….
If all of this wasn’t meant to be what else would there be? Hmmm!!!🤔
When I first started following your teachings, Melanie, I had no clue of what “so meant to be” and what that could possibly mean. It’s taken some time and gobs of NARPING but I’m finally getting it! 😌🙌😌
Once again, I need to express my gratitude and thanks for this wonderful system that you have created for all of us on this earth, Melanie!
I loved this article today! 💞 Thank you so much, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️
Hi Peter,
I’m thrilled you loved this one!
Thank you for your gratitude, it touches my heart every time!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I feel like this was written for me or maybe my soul did bring it to my attention for me to work on as I’ve been getting annoyed after 6 months at the ruminating despite using NARP, I need to focus more on module 2 & 9, I knew it was a soul contract, maybe that’s why I’ve been ruminating & alot if not all of the things mentioned in the post feels like I’m re-remembering what my soul already knows. Going to break the soul contract now. Thank you Melanie.
I love your determination Healther!
You’ve got this!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you for this insightful article. I am healing from the abuse of my grandson’s Nana who has driven an evil custody situation since my son died 2016- child’s mother has substance abuse and mental health issues and has abandoned him multiple times since he was 3 months old. Courts system corrupt and broken , school system unable to act on truancy til end of year and at hearing – she was charged with violating compulsory school attendance she deflected it on me – I did not have him – he was in her home! It is continued til Oct 2022 but she just moved to another school district so likely gets away with it. My grandson has been alienated from me since Sept when the Nana petitioned court for shared custody. She doesn’t know the meaning of shared as narcissists are their way or no way. I try to keep in touch and have seen my grandson 3 times since May- 2 to take to his counselor. I accept that she will not change and am figuring out where my life is headed now. God has given me his peace . Thank you for added suggestions and ironically my name is Melanie
Hi Melanie,
(love your name haha!)
Melanie, peace is where it is at – we can’t change other people’s behaviour but we can change our definition of self and inner state regardless, and then that is often when “the shift” on the outside happens.
Bringing forth the truth of the powerful Creators we are from our own inner universe, rather than trying to change unchangeable things, from our logical standpoint and physical willpower) on the outside.
My suggestion for those who have experienced any pain with a narcissist including being isolated and alienated from loved ones, or life purpose, or direction (or anything at all) is to heal on the inside – any pain, confusion, or angst about any of this.
Then startling things (regarding what your soul and heart wants) have the space and inner alignment to show up.
NARP is the way to unlock this.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
what an eye opener…i had come to this realization on my own and i have already taken the steps to disconnect but your read served as reinforcement toward my weakness and my goal….thankyou!
Hi Kat,
that’s great this resonated! You are SO on track!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Melanie
For giving this opportunity to air and share,for each one of us .
Truely is ” cathartic”
Love and gratitude xx
Hi Fay,
I LOVE that you felt it in this way!
Big love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Amazing article Mel 💜. I’ve done NARP, Thrive , am on Love Health Wealth and the Dating Bootcamp, I have experienced all the miracles you speak of and continue to do so. Life gets more expansive with every healing. For anyone reading this don’t hesitate to give yourself the gift of Melanie’s teachings, it will set you free into a life that is a true Heaven on Earth. I am so grateful and excited for my life. Being part of this tribe and walking this path has opened up my soul to my True Self and it’s beyond my wildest dreams, every moment of every day is filled with Love from the inside out. It’s what my heart desired above everything else. Thank you so much Mel for sharing what you know. It is the Truth and It will set you free. Much love to you Melanie, Violet and the beautiful MTE team. To all you amazing souls get on a course now, you will never look back 🤗🤩💜💚💙🧡💛❤️🕊
Hi Ramona,
I always love hearing from you!
I adore that you are a part of our beautiful NARP and Thriver Family!
So much love to you angel
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Melanie – I literally walk through my day with a full heart, filled with gratitude for your guiding words. I am learning how to listen differently, I can now feel your words. It is you, standing by your message, and shinning it out, that causes it to carry past logic filters and ears that cannot hear. It goes right into my chest and brings to my awareness what I need to see.
A new narcissist came into my world today, for work. Me just being me rooted out his distinct nature and I was so glad I could refrain from getting upset or judgmental and just protect myself so easily and be.
I can just float in this feeling.
So very grateful.
Hi Doug,
I LOVE hearing this!
Exactly – don’t battle with the darkness, just BE the LIght.
Thank you for your beautiful and powerful share Dear Man
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Wow, wake up blog call for sure this one hit home. Even though the abuse has left my life and I have had therapy for years for this kind of abuse as a child all the way up to young adulthood and taken on a lot of abuse, it’s so true you can’t just say to yourself…..okay that happened it’s behind me and stay focused on the present. Trauma just does not work like that especially with narcissistic abuse because it has to be all of your trauma up to that point in your life escalating to the mass of an atomic bomb. I have done a lot of reading, tried self-soothing techniques, somatic approaches and much more even did holistic kinesiology but needed to keep going back weekly and that is not a cheap thing trust me. I did blame my abusers many of them for the horrible things I went through as many victims do because it’s what happens to us being human not knowing what this actually does. Yes, my programming created much in repeat as I now realize I was just re-living my memories of childhood abuse and neglect including inherited trauma plus more in my bag……..thank you you do make a lot of sense to me.
Hi Martha,
so much love to you – and please know we don’t HAVE to live with that internal trauma trying to “manage it” – which is exhausting and incredibly difficult to do.
We CAN live free from it! Thats what NARP and our incredible NARP Community supports you to create for REAL … http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope this inspires you to know there is a direct path out pf your ongoing battle.
Sending healing and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Melanie for reminding me of what is truly happening to me right now. Why I am still stuck.Even though I do inner work, meditate and make efforts to live a true existence it feels so very difficult when the teens are now being groomed against me & he lives locally with a new young victim partner who is also autistic so more vulnerable to manipulators. The cloud that we live under as an estranged family with a ‘puppet master’ faking a reality that I refuse to exist in is now breaking down my relationship with my own children. It’s like a living nightmare when you wake up in this reality and it is making me sick…I first had PTSD and now have M. E/CFS. It’s like there is never enough source for him and I am at the point of having to actually relocate further away to get some semblance of balance back in my life. I have tried for nearly 3 years now since Discovery that I was in a false marriage of 17 years. I tried for the children. I have been left in a ‘sorry state’ with no career or finances as he now furthers his medical career…as a Psychiatrist (!!!) – and now I just really want and deserve my own fresh start. To create a distinction of what is true, real and bathed in Light it is important to not just me but also for my children – doing it their way and giving them both of us is not working and I am getting more ill – it’s like the invisible prison chains are still binding me to my abuser by virtue of him duping me into having a fanily with him. It’s insidious. . I am beginning to see that this situation really is a reflection of the saying ‘If you love someone set them free’ for me this includes my children and myself. It is long ago that my ego stopped caring about status, material possessions or lost youth… however when the narcisstic persists in embroiling your children in their dark web and the children insist on going along with it…then I feel the biggest ego life lesson is yet to come….how to let go of being their mother and stop fighting their need to believe in him at all costs. Because he will take all costs and feel its his noble right, such is the fragility and narcissim that afflicts his soul. I feel that this type of domestic abuse is not supported well enough – the psychological aftermath of being a survivor is immense and I wake up everyday in this nightmare even knowing that I am light and I am love is not helping me protect my children. I feel sure the only thing to do is get away, 2 hrs away nearby to my loving family and then one day they may come join me – we can maybe find some peace that way? I know the truth of what has happened in terms of being a long term covert narcisstic abuse survivor will never leave me but I feel sure I can break the soul contract if I give myself the gift of freedom from my children’s choices. It’s a hard path still. Peace, love and light to all thrivers and survivors whilst we find our creator spirits and learn to dance through life to the beauty of our own divine soul song 🙏🌈✌️
Melanie your work is truly inspiring. I am currently trainimg to become a Hypno-CBT practitioner and I hope to specialise in helping domestic abuse victims and survivors – we lift each other up and shine a light for others to find their own way out of their darkness – Thank You!! I may still need the NARP programme to get me over the final hurdles and fully heal more and more…its been like 3 years of counselling, reading up about narcissistic abuse and trying to fathom the multitude of deceptions, medication, cbt, groups, self care, meditating, nature.,my own professional training and still I feel tethered to my abuser via the children. What is the answer to this bit of the abuser puzzle for others hrives I wonder…. do we let our teen children go until they find their own light and they then reconnect with us when they are ready? This is my crazy jigsaw however I know others will have had to find a way to make their life whole again so I would love to know how this bit worked for others? THANK You Melanie and all, truly inspiring article that spoke directly to me at every point and the message has resonated deeply and made a real difference to my day ahead as I live to fight another day and reconnect with my inner strenght that your article reignited – it’s truly like a divine message right at this point in my healing journey… Amazing 🙏🙏🙏
Hi Bridie,
thank you for your share and my heart goes out to you and your children.
Truly Bridie, I cant recommend NARP enough to elevate and accelerate your healing beyond measure. It was the ONLY thing (Quanta Freedom Healing) that I and so many others (despite trying every energetic modality) found to really work to get the trauma OUT and the Light in.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
We would love to have you as a part of our wonderful Thriver Community
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
This is such a fantastic article, Melanie! Thank you so much for sharing. I have been through the “dark night of the soul” very recently and am so grateful that I met and fell and love with the narcissistic man that I married. Like you, I spent years trying to connect to my soul and tried numerous methods of doing so. It wasn’t until losing “everything” – health, career, my home, financial independence- as a result to my recent marriage to a narcissist, that I truly went deeper and truly understood all the things I had been trying to learn for so many years. I am not a victim, but rather grew and learned so much from this relationship.Like you said, “this relationship didn’t happen to me, but for me”. I honestly don’t think I could have fully learned how to become more conscious without having had this experience. I am not my story, but rather my true being. What you have to teach about recovering from a narcissistic relationship is invaluable and, what I believe to be, the only real way in which we can truly heal from abuse or trauma. We find out light and we let it shine so brightly that there is no longer room for darkness. Thank you, again, for being such a beautiful soul and sharing your journey with others to help them find their light and heal as well.
Hi Kerstin,
I love your orientation with gratitude and acceptance. This is so powerful.
Just beautiful darling fellow Thriver!
Much Love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Amazing article thank you , it’s the silent injustice which eats away at you making you feel a victim and desperate for recognition of what you have been through, for me started when I was 7 years old I am no contact now but it is still in my head but the possibility of freedom from these awful mind games true freedom by processing what is being triggered inside is an amazing thing and hope for life there will be no ‘justice’ but to realise you are participating in this dark game but you are being baited. I really feel for everyone going through this
Hi Caroline,
thank you and you are very welcome.
Please know, absolutely you can go free, into your True Self where all of this becomes an untriggering distant memory of a memory.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for connecting this to our DNA in the last section:
“….your true coded DNA self – your true self”
Organizing my thoughts according to the concept of a human being, literally, born with survival instincts and physical and mental survival “tools”, helps me connect with the idea of true source and higher power. I’m not saying this is the only way or the most effective way; just sharing the fact that it works for me.
Hi Always reflecting,
It’s so my pleasure!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I like that we aren’t to blame ourselves or the narcissists that helped us realize that we were meant for so much more than the horrors we have been through. If I hadn’t been through narcissistic abuse from my lover, I wouldn’t have found all of the information about healing that is provided here. My upbringing, religion, numerous addictive behaviors, and finally “love” relationship with a narcissist brought me to this information. With the world events of the last 2 years, I’ve also recognized these patterns with our governments. It’s so freeing to know that none of them our our saviors to be followed blindly. We don’t need to live in desperate fear anymore.
Totally agree with this Linda.
I’m so grateful for the devastating Narc experience because it brought me to NARP and a level of wholeness I was never going to find otherwise.
We’re armed for everything now. We can address all global issues in the same power.
Thank you for writing ✍️
Hi Linda,
it is so true that the power within us means we can rise up and out of this fear.
It’s time to “come home” to Who We Really Are!
Sending power, healing and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Melanie. I’ve been feeling pretty good and hopeful for the last year. My divorce is still dragging on and I have since started to feel “derailed” from my inner source and self. I am so conscious of this fact, and it has taken over my daily thoughts. This article has pointed me back into the right direction. I need to get back to working with the Modules and pull myself out of this destructive mode. Thanks for the words of wisdom.
Hi Mary Ellen,
you are very welcome.
I love that this resonated deeply with you.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks Melanie
This article came at an opportune time , I was this moment questioning my healing journey.I have been focussing on my healing deligently this past few weeks despite being on tbe NARP programme for 2 years and praticising every day, I was questioning if I was healing or if as I was stuck because I do still have repetitive thoughts of the Narc (,though reduced )and sadness of the broken home, even though I now know what a toxic environment it was.I always wanted my kids to have a safe and loving haven.That was my greatest wish.not loads of money ..great career success.. but love and family .
Your article has shown me I have work to do but I ha ve progressed in some areas and for that I thank you ..it gives me courage to continue my healing journey ..knowing that with each healing I am closer to reaching the otherside and my higher self ..
Love
Rosemarie
Hi Rosemarie,
I love that this has helped grant you the courage to continue healing Dear Lady
Also, please remember that you don’t have to heal alone – the incredible NARP Thriver family is there to help support you with your healing journey http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Great article Melanie!
Thank you Teri!
Much LOve
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
Thanks for your article. For me, it’s always important to include the caveat “…we are not responsible for what happened to us. We are responsible though for healing what made us susceptible to narcissistic abuse, which is where the deep inner work comes in.” This caveat’s important to me, because otherwise we run the risk of putting on the biggest red boxing gloves and beating ourselves to a pulp. In other words, “take responsibility for what’s yours, not what is someone else’s.” This is an important distinction in order to heal and move forward. Here’s to the inner healing journey and owning only what is yours to own. Peace.🙏
KJ
What a great comment. Loved it so much…just had to chime in again.!👏👏👏
Many thanks..
Melanie ,you must find yourself in the midst of grand statements and also have a ” spirit of gratitude” for such heart rendering people who reply to your great work.
Much Love to ALL 😘
Thanks for your comment Fay. SO important to me that we’re not taking on or owning what is not ours to own, otherwise, self-abuse, negative self-talk, etc., can kick in with vengeance. Once again, vital that we work on healing those places that made us susceptible to narcissistic abuse in the first place. Take care.🙏🏻
Mel, you gave me the tools to heal myself , its been a year after discovering Narp, and my life will never be the same. I said it many times, thank you Melanie, you save lifes.
As a child i could not realise the programming i was receiving from my narcisssit father, now i can clearly see how i was not alowed to learn to be a source of love, aprovall to myself, this has made my life up to my 40s pure suffering and made me atract more narcisistic people to my life.
Not anymore!!!! I can finally see and after a year of caving caving and more caving into the narp modules i feel the profound progress in my self.
It was certainly not a confortable o easy journey this last year, but i know many things are going to be very very different for the rest of my life.
I will be forever gratefull and hope to one day be able to thank you in person, love from Spain.
Hi Inigo,
I feel so humbled that NARP and I could help you in this way!
Yaya – re the busting free into your True Self!
I would love to meet you too one day Inigo, I’d love to share a hug together.
Much love to you too, from outback Australia.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
I totally believe in you snd your message!
I think however I’m a little bit resistant to acknowledging the extent of my trauma and pain bc I’ve done such a good job of surviving until know but I *know* this is my moment to let go, uplevel and heal bc another narcissist has come into my world from outside my family of origin.
I feel resistant to letting go of my pain and suffering.
So much has been taken from me.
I want to do this!!!
How do I let go when it hurts so much and I feel lost?
I really saw last night that I’m running around like the lady with no magic pantry… that is exactly what I’m doing and it’s enslaving me.
Can you please teach me how to let go when the damage and pain has so drastically altered my life away from anything I realise to be a normal path?
💓🙏🙏💓
E
Hi E,
I totally understand how we believe the trauma is “us”
How you let go is NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp that is where I teach you how to let go and the incredible NARP private community support and coaches you with any block you have in doing so.
This is the answer and solution you seek.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Beautiful inspiring article Mel, soooo many answers to such profound and important questions.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Hi Nury,
it’s my pleasure!
Mel 🙏💞🦋