The Spiritual War of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is a spiritual war for your Soul.

Understanding that this is happening at a much deeper level than on a superficial, logical, and practical level is a crucial part of your recovery.

If you want to change your life for the better in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine; if you want to know how to be fiercely self-loving and truthful and courageous enough to risk pissing people off instead of people-pleasing; then watch my latest Thriver TV episode.

Rather than subjugating your Soul and making concessions to damaged and abusive people, you will finally have the confidence to be yourself and embrace your self-definition, values and truths without the narcissist’s interference. Watch now to jump-start your Thriver recovery.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I want to talk to you about how narcissistic abuse is a spiritual war for your Soul. This is really my central message to you. I want to talk to you about why so many people don’t recover from narcissistic abuse because of this. Because firstly, they haven’t realized that this is a spiritual war, and secondly, they don’t know how to address it at that level.

The great news is that when you can accept that this is a spiritual war and what is really happening to you is at a much deeper level than the logical and practical – or we could even say that it’s not happening to you, it’s actually happening for you – that not only can you recover from narcissistic abuse, you will also change your life for the better in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine yet. I mean change it forever.

 

The Gifts Of Winning The Spiritual War Against The Narcissist

Let’s have a look at the wonderful things that you can burst forth into as a result of battling this and winning at the spiritual war level. It’s things like solid self-love. Finally having the confidence to be yourself, and being yourself, having that self-definition, which is the knowing of who you are and what your values and your truths are again, finally. As well as the ability to identify, choose, and generate much healthier relationships and successes in every area of your life.

This is as a result of narcissistic abuse even if you believe you’ve lost too much or you’re too old or you’re too damaged to recover and it’s not possible to restart your life. I promise you it is, because none of that is true.

Realizing the spiritual graduation and what I discovered in my own Thriver recovery was that the spiritual aspect of it was paramount. When we go to that deeper level of the spiritual aspect, it means there actually was a reason for this because we can stay as a victim in the belief like I did of, “I was a great person, he was a monster. It was all a horrible mistake, and I was a victim to this.”

At a surface level, all of that looks really true, and I really have compassion for you at that level because I was there too, but it made me powerless. I was stuck with my traumas, my emotional wounds, and the destruction of my life, which were my assets, my health, the loss of my community, and my family. I believed that there was no way out for me other than to stay a victim to this.

This is the entire problem when we just view abuse at a physical, logical level. There is no release from the victimization. I promise you, there are actually no true healing solutions for you when you’re stuck at this level. There wasn’t for me either until I saw the much bigger picture of what was really going on here and opened up to it spiritually. There was a truth to it spiritually.

I want you to be open to hear this message today – that we actually do live in a benevolent universe which has an underlying Soul purpose of growing us so that we can experience more of ourselves. Meaning to awaken to the powerful creator that you are, that I am, if we can come home to connecting to true Source as our co-creator of all things.

For myself personally, back as a victim, making that transition, that transformational leap into the Soul lesson and the Soul purpose for all of this, I had to really own what was going on inside of me and therefore what was going on outside of me, because there is such a deep connection at the Quantum level. It was about understanding at this point of my life how I’d been creating my life. I’d been doing it unconsciously. These creations hadn’t worked for me. I hadn’t known how to stand in my power yet.

Being narcissistically abused in my life, just as it is in yours, is not because we’re bad people. I had a conscience, I wanted to do the right things. I was capable, I was hardworking, I was conscientious, I was moral, and I thought I had my life together, like so many of you.

Looking back, I realized how I was not even yet on the football field, let alone near the goals of having become a team with my Inner Life and how that had been affecting my outer reality not working out for me.

You know what? That was all okay because at that point in my life, this wasn’t my fault. That had been the best understanding I’d had at that point of my Soul truth and the game of life – the inner and the outer connection. I hadn’t worked that out because it had never really been explained to me in any shape or form. I’d just been living my life as my normal, thinking I was doing the right thing and being a good person.

 

How The Narcissist Entered My Life

Enter stage right … the narcissist. At that time in my life, I was lonely. I thought I would never find true love. I’d actually felt deeply cursed in that department. I was battling addictions and I was working way too many hours a day, which were my ways of avoiding my inner feelings. I still binged drank at times, I smoked too many cigarettes every day, and I often did feel feelings of anxiety and even depression, but I’d always been able to keep myself busy to escape them.

This man, when he turned up, he seemed to be the answer to my prayers because he seemed to really see me for me. He was spiritual, apparently. He was apparently secure financially, which of course turned out not to be the truth. He seemed really strong and loving and caring and protective; all the things that I’d craved, and I was still craving after not receiving that level of emotional sustenance as a child, which most of us didn’t. Most of us came from unconscious parents who really thought that providing and making us go after the goals that they wanted us to go after was what was important rather than feeling loved and accepted for ourselves.

Here he was, this bright and shiny person offering me all the supposed remedies and relief to my, as yet unhealed, inner stuff. I thought he was really the saviour of where I wasn’t feeling whole on the inside. He was the absolute truth, that I didn’t realize at the time, but now, having healed and evolved beyond this, I completely understand it. I saw him as my Source. I saw him as my saviour. I saw him as the person who would take away my pain and finally give me my inner wholeness and peace – who would complete my life.

This was the real issue … that I had many unhealed, unconscious parts still. I hadn’t healed back to my inner wholeness, back to True Source, back to my own higher power and resolved … I hadn’t resolved what hurt between me, my Soul and True Source.

I had no idea that any False Source, a mere human being on the outside that I was assigning as my Source, was not my saviour but would only bring me more of the same of my unhealed stuff where I wasn’t in true partnership with myself or True Source.

In other words, this outer supposed saviour was never going to be my rock. There was going to be a hammer instead, showing up for me what I hadn’t healed yet. This was the spiritual journey and the lesson that I went on as the battle for my Soul, the coming home to the truth of who I really am. This is all of our battles in the spiritual war with a narcissist – the coming home to the truth of who we really are. A Soul whose power comes from knowing ourselves as a being connected to the love, the truth, and power of true Source rather than living small, powerless, and traumatized and handing our power away to a False Source.

In this place, no matter how capable we believe we are … I believed I was capable back then, the truth really was though, as a result of my unresolved inner wounds, I was relying on false Gods, outer stuff, outer people, which includes narcissists, trying to earn love, approval, and care to be able to have safety and comfort for myself. I’m not alone. This has been the inner unhealed truth for all of us. It takes a lot to admit this and it takes a lot to want to do the inner work on this because we want to stay in our position of blaming things on the outside and we want to stay a victim.

As I said at the start of this video, there is no way to healing and liberation if we do that. When we are attached to False Sources, even if we’ve left them and we’re still holding them responsible, when we stay attached to that, rather than save ourselves from the unhealed parts of ourselves, then we stay hooked and dependent or victimized.

This is what narcissists do. They siphon out and feed off our Life Force and our resources as the parasitical beings they are. Even if we separated 20 years ago and we still stayed attached to them, holding them responsible for what’s happened to our life, I promise you, they are still energetically feeding off you, your Soul energy like a parasite. They are sucking your Life Force and they are consuming you spiritually. They’re consuming your Soul. You are losing the spiritual battle, and that’s why you’re not getting better.

 

How Do We Stop Handing Our Power Away?

I want you to know that we hand our power away to others. Why do we do it? We do it to go along to get along. We do it to stay attached, to try to get love, approval, security, and survival that we haven’t yet worked out how to solidly, emotionally provide for ourselves. We don’t break free and look after ourselves in real life terms as solid adults. We’re unable to generate a healthy life when we still have unhealed trauma and inner false programming. We’re always going to try to make somebody fix this.

Really, it’s because underneath all of that, we believe that we are small, we believe that we are not good enough, we believe that we must listen to outside authority, we believe that we must keep the peace, we must earn love and approval and we have to keep others happy so that they may care for us and love us. That’s how we hand our power away.

We’re good people who want to please others, and we fall into this trap, this lie, as do people who struggle to risk pissing other people off by saying no and having boundaries. Because we didn’t want to suffer criticism, rejection, abandonment, and attempted punishment by others because we weren’t complying with their narratives, their actions and their decisions for our own lives. That’s how we’ve handed our power away.

As children, we had no choice, but as adults, we’ve continued to do it. Narcissists, as exploitative manipulators, are not interested in win-win results that benefit others. They’re not going to go along with our belief, “If I grant you what you want, you’re going to grant me what I want.” They’re not interested in that. They’re interested in harvesting, abusing and, controlling others, which means that they need to be superior, you need to be inferior, they need to be big, and you need to reduced.

The thing is these people exist in life everywhere, as do great people and lovely people and people who are prepared to become conscious and grow and heal and care about humanity with us. They exist, too. But the people who are going to exploit us are there as well. Whatever we accept is what we will get if we’re not self-defined.

This is the spiritual lesson. This is the returning back to this war for our Soul. The spiritual battle is this – if we are not yet healed up to claim our self-definition and our true Source birthright, which is to honour, respect, and love ourselves and know our rights, our truth and our value, then we are a target for narcissists.

 

 
 

Why We Are Susceptible To The Narcissist As A False Source

A narcissist is this – a False Source. Narcissists operate in the shadows. They don’t operate in integrity; they operate by lying about who they are and what their intentions are. They only draw us in if we’re not clear about our truth and our boundaries; if we’re not listening to our inner voice; if we are not showing up and asking questions or saying no; or risking pissing people off and knowing we’re not going to make everybody happy. If you make yourself happy, there are going to be people that are not happy with that.

The new age spiritual movement of love and light has not done any favours to people who have ended up all spiritual and flaky who don’t know how to be fiercely self-loving, truthful and risk pissing people off. This is why I’m passionate about sharing this with you. There are far too many people who still, like I once did, make too many concessions for damaged others. We’ve said, “Their childhood was horrible. We must have compassion. We must give them a chance.” But we have subjugated, and we have put ourselves in the slaughterhouse by doing that.

There are many of these new age people, like I was once too, not healing their own inner traumas. When we don’t do that, we only have one option. We’re going to focus on trying to fix, control, and change everybody else, including narcissists. It’s fruitless. It’s Wrong Town because narcissists have no desire to ever face and meet their own inner traumas. It’s just incomprehensible to them.

When we do this, when we don’t come within and heal our own trauma, our own shadow, it’s a spiritual bypass. And the new age movement is full of spiritual bypass. What it’s done is it’s only helped add to the entire codependent, narcissistic, common, toxic, deadly dance.

I know a lot of you have been really loving, giving, spiritual people who thought you’ve really been conscious in love and light. I was there too once, but now I know a completely different truth. At that stage of my life when I was enmeshed in near fatal narcissistic abuse, I nearly didn’t survive.

I had read thousands of self-help and spiritual books, and I’d done dozens of workshops, decades of spiritual work and healing and counseling and psychology. I was really doing every spiritual practice that you could imagine. I wasn’t lazy. I know a lot of you are highly motivated in that stuff as well. But I still felt like a broken little girl on the inside despite all of my spiritual and personal development and knowledge. The reason was this, and it’s very, very, very simple – it’s because I was still carrying internal trauma. It was wedged inside me in my Inner Being as my Inner Identity. That is what made me still completely susceptible to narcissists, as it does for all of us.

How it made me susceptible is in two really simple ways. The love bombing was granting me feelings of, “Finally I’m being seen and I’m being held and I’m being met and somebody cares and somebody’s coming.” They’re often really deep, instinctual feelings that are so unconscious, but they’re very, very powerful. That’s the one way that we are very susceptible with our unhealed inner stuff.

The other way we are really susceptible to narcissists with our unhealed stuff is with the insults and the abuses that we get from them telling us – that we’re not good enough or we’re this or we’re that or projecting their dysfunction onto us and making it our fault because we are not solid and whole.

There’s a part of us that’s not stable in who we are so we argue back, we try to get them to change their mind. We see them as our Source, that if you don’t agree with the version of me that I need for me to be healthy and whole, well, then I can’t let go until you do. Because, really, it is this: I have to change your mind about me to be worthy of love and being saved rather than, “I know who I am. I am love. I am saved. And your reality and your opinion of me is not my reality.”

But for us, before that work where we’ve connected with and won this spiritual war between us and ourselves, this is really highly unconscious, and it’s incredibly powerful. That’s what’s hooking us in, and it means that we’re not self-defined yet. This person has become our God. What they are or aren’t doing grants us our self-existence. It depends on them.

What had happened to me, and it’s happened to all of us, is that the person in my life had found a way to use my gaps, my unhealed stuff, to get me to hang on for dear life whilst everything I had and all of my Life Force was being sucked out of me, especially my Soul. This is what narcissists spiritually do – they attack your Life Force. They are anti-life. They’re the living dead, and they need you like a vampire needs blood to exist. This is why this is a spiritual battle for your Soul.

This happens in ways where your specific wound, your specific unhealed trauma is exactly what this person is going to target profoundly. For me, one of the hugest things, and I know a lot of you can relate to this, is the terror of abandonment. Really what it was, was an unhealed three-year-old part of me inside who had felt abandoned when I needed support and care the most. There had been for me and inner annihilation of, “Nobody’s coming. I’m all alone. I’m unsafe. I could die.” Really, what I was trying to seek was apparent, this was all unconscious, to this time in my life to do it differently.

The narcissist in my life showed up as somebody who would never abandon me, who had my back and my side and my heart and my hand no matter what. That’s what I believed. I projected it onto him. I wanted him to be that person.

But what happened is, as with all narcissists, he had identified that wound and he knew he could use it against me. He could walk out the door, turn off his phone, go missing in action and I would literally regress into that three-year-old who was traumatized, hyperventilating, vomiting, and would do anything he demanded for him to reconnect and love me. That’s how this game plays out.

 

How We Are Thrust Into Our Old Unhealed Fractures

Now what’s really happening here is we’re thrust into our old unhealed fractures. This is what narcissistic abuse does to us. They are fully activated in these situations with a narcissist. This is where we hand over our Soul the most. You know it’s Soul destroying because you look at yourself in these moments and you think I can’t even recognize myself. I can’t. You know mentally that you should pull away, you know you shouldn’t put up with this treatment. You berate yourself thinking, “I’m a smart, intelligent, capable person. Why is this happening to me?” Because you’re in a Soul war and your Soul is compromised and you need to heal it back to yourself and Source.

What’s so interesting is, I did that with the abandonment trauma, and I did that with every trauma he had me on, and he became irrelevant rather than a catalyst for me coming home to myself. What I realized in this battle for my Soul, when I won my Soul, that it was things like that terror of abandonment that had been holding me back in every area of my life, professionally, in friendships, within my family, even in my parenting with my son with setting boundaries. Because I was so scared of being abandoned, I would go along to get along. I would say yes when I meant no. I wasn’t living aligned in truth.

This is the upside of this spiritual war, and it’s messy and it’s not easy and it’s confronting, but we have a way to do it. As I say in my videos all the time, there’s nothing else to do if we want to get out of the agony, out of the unspeakable trauma of narcissistic abuse, which continues on even after you separate, if you don’t take the spiritual lesson and win the spiritual war.

This inner liberation is not mind work. It can’t be done by research about narcissists or even what our traumas are or the results they’ve had on us. All of that is just mind information. It can only be done by the spiritual, energetic, somatic, inner work of loading up the energy of our traumas, which is what’s triggered the most right now, what’s hurting me the most right now. That’s it. Meeting, feeling, fully being with that and partnering that and loading it up and then letting it go, releasing it from our being, and then filling up our being with the spiritual light of True Source.

True Source, this is not religious and it’s not even spiritual, but it is the higher self of ourselves. It is the Life Force. It is the oneness that is running everything from the non-physical level where everything is connected at the Quantum level. It is the light. It’s life. Everything we want is in that light. It’s our higher consciousness, it’s our True Self, it’s our true potential, it’s our freedom. It’s the permission to fully be yourself, not that new age “give to get love and light”. Yourself can be fierce, it can be strong, it can say no, it can risk pissing people off. It can say, “Well, your truth is not my truth. That’s fine.” That’s true love, that’s true light, and that’s what we are learning to come home to.

This Is Our Spiritual Evolution

If a healing system is not doing that for you then it’s a band aid that falls off. It’s like, as I often say to people in my work, it’s like trying to put ice cream on top of poop. The ice cream will melt off and you’re left with the poop. It’s like trying to drive a Ferrari into a garage and there’s a rusty old wreck in its place. That’s the internal traumas. That’s the old programming. They’re the reasons why you’re handing power away and you’re not connected to True Source.

If we are just trying to learn things, they are band aids that falls off. They can only grant some temporary relief, but you’re always going to keep defaulting back to your beingness. What’s in your beingness? Those still existing inner traumas. They do keep coming back with a vengeance. They do take you back down into the smallness, the powerlessness, the devastation, the feelings of being unworthy and unlovable, all of the CPTSD that you’ve already got from fully activated traumas and all of your nasty narcissistic abuse symptoms – they are all a part of being disconnected from true Source and still having active trauma within you.

It makes it a constant battle to try to exist, survive, and function with these still existing inner traumas. You know that because many of you are living like that every day. We can try a pill or a strategy or maybe joining a victim group or sharing our war stories widely about abusers, but yet we never get free from the Inner Identify, our inner identity of being a traumatized victim for life, hoping unconsciously that somebody’s going to come along and save you from this.

There is only one saviour – True Source, the Light, meaning filling with that light that is creation, God, higher consciousness – the part of you that is your super conscious God self, the part of you that is bigger, more free, expansive and powerful and loving and honest and authentic that you could ever imagine. That’s what we’re going to come home to.

You are a fractal of True Source. We’re made of the same stuff. The experience with narcissists have shown us just how limiting and restrictive our program has been to make us live less than who we are, to not trust our inner voice, to hand our power away, to not be able to say no or define our truth, to not have faith, power, connection, and flow with a higher Source or to know how to co-create with this infinite power and wisdom.

When I chose to embrace my spiritual graduation, it became crystal clear that the narcissist, was only a catalyst. He was triggering, attacking, bringing up unhealed parts that were actually causing me not to be free from myself. That was what was expressing as the anxiety, the depression, the addictions, and my internal battles that I already had, which I thought were my normal.

If he hadn’t come into my life (this happened for me) to force me to my knees to finally turn inwards and free myself from those traumas, then I would never have been released from this spiritual contract with him. That’s what it was about, and I wouldn’t have evolved myself.

Then either I wouldn’t have survived that, and I’d have to keep coming back and doing it again, or somebody like him would’ve needed to enter the stage of my life instead and bring the same message. Or if I had survived, I would’ve remained a victim with my internal traumas eating me alive until finally, hopefully, I did turn inwards to release myself from them. I know that if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have survived. I would not be alive. I know that.

The greatest tragedy is so many people don’t realize that this is a spiritual battle. That’s what’s really going on. They never will until we realize that this is actually about spiritual evolution. It is battle for your Soul. It is about your Soul evolution. More than anything, this battle is between you and yourself and returning home to who you really are.

In Conclusion

Humbly and proudly, this is the exact reason that this community focuses on my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program and NARPing using Quanta Freedom Healing because it is about releasing trauma and filling with the Light. That’s what those healings do. They activate that. They do it in your Inner Being so that you can embody and actualize your Source self.

For the people who are doing this, such as myself, that’s my lifestyle, as it is for thousands of other Thrivers now. They hadn’t realized how incredible their life was going to be on the other side of this. Despite all of the devastation and loss that they went through, they are rebuilding in ways that are far beyond their previous comprehension or capacity.

There wasn’t enough space and light in their beings for them to do it, and now there is because they’ve returned home to the truth of who they really are. That’s why I am always so excited, passionate, and activated every day with what I do in this community. It bears no resemblance, humbly, to other communities that are just focusing on the narcissist and the practical and the logical, which doesn’t grant true healing, not because it’s the wrong thing to do, just because it can’t.

Here the essential, spiritual, somatic inner Source self peace is understood and addressed and it needs to be. This is exactly why I created and channeled NARP and I used it on my own Inner Being and I shared it with the world. If you want to know more, click the link here.

I really want you to open up and just soak this in and embody what I’m saying today because I know cellularly your Soul knows when it hears words of truth. This is a much deeper lesson and journey than what you think it is, and the relief and the resolution is in that deeper work.

I love you always.