This time of COVID-19 pandemic is incredibly challenging, especially for those who are self-isolated with a narcissist because, of course, you are going to be more susceptible to their abuse.
A narcissist gets their acclaim and adoration from others, but this is difficult for a narcissist in lockdown.
Narcissists do not fare well in lockdown and nor do those stuck with them, and some of you will see an escalation of abuse.
In this Thriver TV episode, I want to offer you some guidance to provide you with ways to protect yourself while this pandemic is restricting our lives.
Video Transcript
I can’t tell you how many people have reached out with this issue right now.
That’s why I wanted to have a conversation with you about it.
This time of COVID-19 pandemic is incredibly challenging, especially for those who are self-isolated with a narcissist because of course, you are more susceptible to his or her abuse.
My heart goes out to you, and I deeply wanted to do this episode, to grant you some powerful tools to be able to cope at this time.
Narcissists In Lockdown
The very nature of narcissism means that there is a high requirement for narcissistic supply – the attention from the world that allows the narcissist to know that he or she exists.
Once getting past the love bombing stage with a narcissist, and the honeymoon period, primary intimates are not the narcissist’s main source of narcissistic supply anymore.
That is because the cracks have appeared and you have become injured, disappointed and even disgusted with this person. You are no longer the fawning, adoring servant to the False Self that you once were.
This means that the narcissist needs to get his or her acclaim and adoration from others. This is difficult for a narcissist in lockdown. Either he or she is going to flaunt the rules and just do that anyway or being self-isolated means becoming intensely disturbed and distressed.
Adding insult to injury, there are narcissists who have also lost their income stream.
What does this mean?
It means that the abuse will escalate.
He or she will unleash the erupting self-annihilating critic that can no longer be medicated away with narcissistic supply, by attacking you.
It’s no surprise that health departments from all over the globe are reporting a big escalation in intimate partner and family violence as a result of COVID-19 restrictions.
Detachment Is Key
It’s true, this is a critical time for you if you are self-isolating with a narcissist.
This is a time when you really need to be actively empowering yourself, to not just survive this unprecedented situation our world is in, but also the tension and mayhem of being in close and constant proximity to a narcissist.
Narcissists are highly skilled at identifying your weak points and hitting them hard in order to get a reaction. This is about getting the drama – the feed of significance.
If a narcissist can blame you, and get you to be the bad one, they dump their inner ‘dis-regulated’ feelings all over you. Then this grants the added opportunity to be in contact with others to smear you and get narcissistic supply from them.
In order to emotionally survive, you must be stronger than ever, and not buy into it.
Your greatest hope is to detach so that the narcissist can’t extract narcissistic supply from you and will find another avenue to get it.
I know that can be hard. I know that can make you feel even more abandoned and abused. But truly when you can pull back and start focusing on your own inner healing, then you are well on the way to becoming free.
One of the greatest keys, as hard as it may seem to do, is to step up to the plate of looking after yourself, emotionally and spiritually. Dedicated attention to your inner state is your most important foundational piece to getting well.
If you still have hopes that the narcissist will wake up and love you healthily, then you’re in for a very painful ride.
If you believe that this time in isolation with this person means that you will be able to get them to see the truth and wake up, the more you try to make this happen, the more you will get punished.
Regarding any narcissist in your life, your mission is not to save them, fix them or get them to love you. The mission is, rather, to turn inwards and heal those parts of yourself that feel dependent on achieving these goals.
When you turn inwards with the intention to reclaim you, I promise you that you will discover an unhealed part of yourself from your past that wanted people to grant you love, approval, security and safety. Yet, now as an adult, your personal evolution is about healing enough to be the generator of those things for yourself.
I promise you that no matter how things seem, you have a lot to look forward to. Once you graduate beyond the neediness and the attachment to the narcissist you will start to come home to heal that relationship with yourself. I promise you that then the pain will start dissolving away, and your True Life can begin.
I really want you to know that the inability to feel solid within yourself, and being attached to people who were hurting you, was never your fault. We have all been a product of a world, education and caretakers which didn’t allow our Inner Identity to develop emotionally enough to be our own whole source yet.
I promise you, at this extreme time of pain and pressure, you do have an incredible opportunity, regardless of the fallout and stress that you are facing, to really get this job done.
Of course, in this time of coronavirus uncertainty, you don’t know what your future will bring. You don’t know what life will look like after this time. It is bringing up so much fear and confusion for many people. I know that this is going to be one of the most painful times of your life. I know that you want to receive the comfort from the narcissist, to give you a big hug and just tell you that everything is going to be okay.
But this person never did care about your wholeness, safety or security. You were merely a tool to feed the narcissist’s insatiable bottomless False Self. This isn’t personal. It’s not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love. It’s because this is simply how a narcissist operates.
Now that you are scared and vulnerable and unavailable to be the narcissist’s energetic slave, this is a time when they will punish you the most.
The narcissistic credo is, “How dare you try to need me when you are there to serve me!” Hence why so many narcissists leave their partners when they have serious illnesses. This is never what a genuine loving partner would do!
If you are trying to look out for and look after a female narcissist, in these challenging times, nothing you do will ever be good enough either. And you will still be blamed for everything.
Or, maybe the narcissist is using this time to his or her advantage to get you to hand over more energy, more pieces of your Soul as well as your rights, property and resources.
Don’t fall for it.
It’s imperative now to take yourself back, not hand over even more pieces of yourself.
How Do You Take Yourself Back?
With a narcissist, you are not fighting a practical war. You are fighting a spiritual, energetic one.
This is the battle between Life Force and Antilife. This is literally a battle for your Soul. If you grant the narcissist any of your energy, good or bad, then you are feeding his or her capacity to continue hurting you and sucking you dry.
Taking yourself back means that you become emotionally unaffected. You make it your greatest mission to detach to the point where you don’t respond to anything inflammatory, or get hooked into any debates, arguments or triggers of injustice whatsoever.
You stay clear of handing over any emotional energy at all.
There will be triggers.
Plenty of them.
The narcissist will try to get to you in the ways that he or she always has. This could be accusations, or complete abandonment and stonewalling. Or something else.
The narcissist knows exactly what presses your buttons and what can be used against you.
So how do you take yourself out of this dramatic soul-sucking game?
By shoring up all of those parts of you which used to be susceptible to this.
I want to take you through a little exercise to help you take your power back.
Your Detachment and Return To Power Protocol
Whether you are in self-isolation with a narcissist, or you have been struggling with any narcissistic abuse, past or present, and you know that there is a wound that is still there that hurts you, I want you to come and do this little exercise with me.
Before we get started, please make sure that you have a writing pad and a pen with you.
Okay, so I want you to close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and roll your shoulders back.
Now I want you to set the intention that the following exercise is going to be insightful, healing and empowering for you.
Please know “insightful” means granting you “inter-sight”.
Now, I want you to imagine being triggered by the narcissist.
You know how that happens and how incensed and off-balance you feel, when it happens.
Okay take your attention inwards, I want you to feel in your body, which part of you is being triggered.
Maybe you feel that dense painful energy in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it is in your heart. Or you feel it is a constriction in your throat. Is it located in another part of your body? Maybe the trigger feels so big it is everywhere underneath your skin.
Just breathe for a minute, and have your body relaxed and open. With your attention and consciousness deeply inside yourself, I want you to trust where you feel that trigger.
Now, I want you to take your awareness to that part of yourself, with the love and devotion and fascination of being really interested in what this is about.
With your body open and breathing, I want you to repeat this mantra after me.
“I am making this declaration that I am taking my power back. No longer do I look at you (the abuser) as my source of fixing what is hurting within me. Rather, I will now meet and heal what is going on within me. By doing so your energy becomes irrelevant in my life. You are not my saviour. I am my own saviour, and I let you go and release you, with relief, from every part of my being. I am now free to love and heal me.”
Okay so now with your body open and breathing I want you to stay in contact with this dense or painful energy inside your body, and I want you to say, “Sweetheart (or “mate” or whatever endearing term you want to use) I know that you feel scared and hurt right now. I am here to step up and love you back to wholeness. What is it that you are feeling right now? Please tell me.”
Now I want you to pause this video, for as long as it takes, and I want you to write about what has come up for you. Don’t change or sensor what comes. Just stay super present with love, pouring love into this inner part of you, as you would a child who you adore, while you listen unconditionally.
Write down what you receive.
If you like, you may wish to share a little bit of this below with myself and others. By doing so many people will be able to relate. Remember we are all in this together. There is so much power in sharing in a healing container like this. It will give you such a boost in your own healing.
Okay, so now that you are aware of what is causing your Inner Being to feel scared and hurt, you may recognise that this has been there for a long time. This is not necessarily just what the narcissist has done to you. It’s likely that what the narcissist is doing to you is a continuation of this feeling that you experienced before.
Maybe, just maybe, these are the feelings that you have had ever since you were a small child.
Now I want you to breathe deeply into this part of yourself, this scared hurt part and I want you to repeat after me, “Darling Inner Being (or whatever endearing term you want to use) I hear you, and I am here for you. I pledge with all my heart and soul that together we will heal back to integration, back to wholeness, to a place where we will never hand our power away to people who hurt us again. These people are no longer our reality, they were only the catalyst to bring me home to heal you. I love you, and I’m never leaving you again.”
Now I want you to just breathe and let that soak in.
If you feel that you wish to, please pause the video and share below how this feels in your body.
What Taking Your Power Back Will Create
This is what I want you to know with all my heart – narcissists only have power in your experience when they are using your wounds against you. When you take back your power by you being responsible for the healing of your wounds, the narcissist becomes completely irrelevant.
This is when, even with living in close proximity, this person will back off and leave you alone, because they can no longer operate in your experience.
But know this … he or she may try many different tactics to pull you back into their energetic vacuum. You may have to meet your Inner Being many, many times over and over again as each new vulnerability gets tested.
For example, the narcissist may originally try being abrasive. Then you heal that part of yourself which is triggered by the careless and nasty words.
Then the narcissist may try stonewalling and abandonment. Then you heal that part of yourself.
Then the narcissist may threaten you with replacing you with new supply. Then you heal that part of yourself and become detached again.
Then the narcissist may break down and cry and be “sorry” and try to get you back in by pulling on your compassionate heartstrings. Then you detach and heal that part of yourself.
Then the narcissist may threaten you, and you shore up that part of yourself and you are completely unafraid.
And so on and on and on it goes, until you have healed every gap that the narcissist has been purposefully targeting in order to try to get back in and mine and drain your soul.
Can you imagine how evolved, up-levelled and impervious to any outside force you become as a result of this?
Can you see the grist necessitating your own spectacular personal evolution when stuck in self-isolation with a narcissist?
Is there a part of your Soul that is possibly excited about this opportunity?
I promise you that there are no mistakes – this is a paramount rebirth from extraordinary circumstances.
This is the stuff that Phoenixes were designed to do.
You are a Phoenix.
You are coded with the power of the entire universe inside of you.
You have everything within you to activate your True God Self.
I stand for this because this is what Thriving after narcissistic abuse is all about.
Your New and Free Self
What we have outlined in this episode today is exactly what healing from narcissistic abuse is about, except this is now in an intensified form. This is how diamonds are created, under intense heat and pressure.
Narcissistic abuse is a make or break deal, and I don’t know any time when this is more pertinent than now.
There are people suffering terribly out there because of narcissistic abuse because they don’t know the truth about the evolutionary process and opportunity that lies within it. This is horrific and as far as I’m concerned, such a waste of many beautiful Souls.
On my watch, I’m going to make sure that I help reduce the suffering from narcissistic abuse as much as possible, by helping people know about how to heal for real.
For all of you out there who want a very powerful tool to be able to detach and heal those inner parts of yourself that are being triggered, then I cannot recommend NARP enough. It is the process myself and so many thousands of other people who have been abused have used to heal the unimaginable.
If you have been in this community for some time you will have heard people talk about NARP on virtually every post on all of my social media platforms.
To learn more about NARP, and what it can do for you, click this link.
I also invite you to come into my free webinar to experience a free session of Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself, which will help you release and transcend some of the awful triggers that are coming up for you right now.
Okay, so I really hope that this episode has helped you, and I can’t wait to respond to your comments and questions below.
Thanks Mel, I needed this tonight as I am in process of leaving my narsistic husband of 19 years. And a pandemic to contend with!! I am wondering how to help my teenage daughters get through this tough time.
I went through this when mine were teens. They know. Be honest. Let them know how you are working on healing while staying respectful of the other parent; no child wants to hear a parent shredded. And commit to giving yourself time to focus on your child and yourself as your priority for at at least a year before you give any thought to allowing anyone else to be a part of your life. You need time to solidify who you are and to let your child see who you are without the narc before adding the pressure of a new relationship.
Hi Tracy,
I’m so pleased that this was timely for you.
Tracy, I just so want you to know that most incredible thing that we can ever do for our children is to heal ourselves. Then we lead by example and are the healthiest possible that we can be for them.
I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to learn more about this
Much love to you and your daughters
Mel 🙏💕💚
This was very uplifting and soothing. I believe it has always been my thinking and taking things personally. Having low self esteem and bullied in life. I stand up for myself and back myself. This type of healing is the best I have ever participated in. I am so grateful. With my daughter and granddaughter at this moment I am aware of my daughters addictions and I want no part of it anymore.
Hi Luisa,
it is so beautiful seeing you come into your healing.
You’re doing a wonderful job of shifting trauma and victimisation to break free into Who You Really Are.
What else was there to do Dear Lady?
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie!
This was so helpful. It was perfect that I listened and participated today. I had allowed communication with a former partner during this time because he said he was concerned for my well-being but I slowly i was being drained of energy ( and this was only long distance phone calls) yesterday i lost my cool and again went no contact and felt so much better last night. This exercise today helped me to see how I had been abandoning myself. And true ,its a feeling I’ve had sence childhood. Thank you again and blessings to you
Hi Laura,
I’m so pleased this has helped bring you home to you.
Thank you for your blessings and please know how welcome you are.
Much love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I have never felt so free and loved by my own self in my entire life I have always been there for others while they took and took from me now it’s al changing I take my soul and power back and loving myself wounds and all I accept myself as a loving creation of God. I am becoming the woman I so want to be others are responsible for there own brokenness. I am healing me something I have never done. It feels so good🙏❤️
Just gotten off a 20 year roller coaster with a narcissist… 1 week past after being discarded for the 3rd time for another supply, the same supply just for good measure. Why do I keep doubting myself that I may in fact be the narcissist? Apart from everything else to contend with, this is the part I find hardest to deal with… the self doubt. And the fact that the person I thought I was with was not who I thought he was at all. How do you mourn or grieve a relationship that was all a lie. How do you deal with being dropped like a piece of worthless shit… No explanation, no empathy, no respect. Day by day I guess… crawl through the tunnel and one day reach that bright shining light at the end… which I imagine is peaceful, calm, normal and love. Sure does sound good to me!
I honestly don’t know what to say to you except that you are not alone. I just had a very bad blowup with the narc yesterday where he told me that I was crazy. That he no longer loved me and that he has never stopped sleeping with the girl that he threw in my face 2 months ago. He has laughed in my face and told me excruciating details about what they share and he told me thay I disgust him and he no longer loves or wants to be with me. It was devastating as he threw the rules around covid out the window to go see her and lied about it. Putting everyone around him at risk just to go to her. I struggle with how could this have been a lie? This whole relationship was just a lie. And that’s exactly what it is. A lie. It doesn’t mean we are unworthy of love. We just have to find the right person to give it. I am struggling today as I come to grips with this. There were promises made and he lied again about everything. It’s disheartening.
💛
Hi Beck,
Please know how normal it is to feel like that, and my heart goes out to you.
This resource of mine may be able to help you in regard to your question https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/am-i-the-narcissist/
Also, in regard to your other questions about how to mourn, grief and recover I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to learn how to process these extremely painful emotions through to completion.
I hope that this can help
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I’m divorcing my narcissistic husband. We have been living apart for just over 2 months since Covid lockdown began (Thank you God]. My ex husband flew his next victime in from Canada to stay with him and she has no idea what she is in fir. She left 2 small children behind with the husband she’s divorcing to be with him. Thank you Mel for all your good work I’m just beginning to follow you and listen to your videos and signed up for the webinar. Please give me some insight on what this new victime may or is probably going through as a result of being in a new relationship with him but on lockdown at the same time. I have instituted the no contact policy and we are very close to finalizing the terms of the divorce because I got a fabulous attorney and the narcissistic soon to be ex acted as his own attorney. Any thoughts you could have on this would be appreciated. Again thank you so much.
Hi Heather,
Wishing you strength and love in such a challenging time.
I’m so happy that you signed up for my webinar because it can be really important as a powerful way to heal through this.
Suffice to say that with the new supply it will be in the idolise stage, however because of a lockdown situation cracks could appear early.
As hard as it may be, the most important thing that you can do is detach and turn inwards to heal. Because before long you will have detoxed all sorts of feelings and wondering about them.
Sending you breakthroughs and blessings
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
My narcissist became physically abusive even right before the mandatory stay at home order came into effect in California. Luckily, I kicked him out because I saw no remorse. He is working away from home and staying somewhere else. Recently, he has tried to get back in my life. I am fighting the urge to let him in. Watching your video helps so much
Hi Rachae,
Stay strong. You can do this.
I highly recommend also coming into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
It will help you get to the bottom of all of this, so that you can REALLY stay strong.
I hope this helps.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Mel. I believe God directed me to find you. 💪💖
Yes, I had a similar experience being guided to Melanie’s work. It has been such a beautiful process of healing with overnight releases of traumas happening using NARP and then all of the emails and talks to keep me on track and bring a new insight when I am ready for it. When I open to this, I find guidance everywhere and in the synchronicities is where I stop, open and listen the most. It is a process of healing and integration. On a soul level, this is our big shot to find our way back home to our true selves as Melanie has described. What most people don’t know about being on a spiritual path is that it won’t feel good. You have to face what you have been hiding in your subconscious. That is what NARP does and that’s what the narcissist uses to get energy from you. I have seen the truth of this in my dreams where I have removed those wounds from my subconscious, the narcissist comes in and just stands there because there is nothing he can do anymore.
Awww Heather,
You are so welcome hun.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
This message today couldn’t have come at a better time, I have been sleeplessly going over my books and Narc research looking for clues , turning to my NARP Program more than ever lately, yet did not understand why I seemed to be having a harder time with the Narcissist. Now I get it! He has been using ALL of his favorite triggers to get me on even shakier ground. Thank-you Mel for sending in this latest video/meditation healing at such a perfect time.
During the meditation, when I looked inside to see what was connected to the Narc, I saw a white harp. The harp was pretty, and I thought, why would I want to get rid of that? I thought it was a strange thing, but went with it. As the meditation went on, I realized this was one of his many ways of pulling me back, playing with my heart (harp) strings. So as I let it go back to nothing, the harp & strings turned black and dissolved to be re-used for love and I now have more room for the self love that I deserve.
Also later, when my other inner beings showed up , they showed me many instances of fear of annihilation, and I think that I will have to work more on releasing and comforting this gang for awhile yet.
Best of love to you, and all of my sisters and brothers out there- who are now fully armed to fight, and win this battle over our souls:) Thank you Mel!!
Gen
Hi Gen,
This is great that you now know what to shift up and out next.
The next biggest breakthrough is right here!
Please also know Gen that if you are a Gold NARP Member that you can always come into the NARP Members Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to access free support and coaching With NARP at any time when you’re in need. It really is such an invaluable resource.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie for all that you do to support, help and unravel the inner turmoil. For me, I have always been around the more covert narcissist. The one that everyone loves, that gets their supply by the public doing of good / self declaration of growth and learning and the adoration that follows. Such actions have always crippled me, set me spinning into a state of confusion, made me feel that I must have something wrong with me / not know how to love / forgive. Somehow all the wrongs that were done would be forgotten as I would re-open the door, proud of both of our abilities to grow and move forward.
Today I realise I learned this skill as a child, as a way to try and get what I needed. After incidents of sexual abuse (which were of course denied) I would feel so much shame, confusion, pain, anger, loneliness and the only person present to show me some love was in fact the abuser. So it was then, with such skill and ingenuity that I learned to overcome my dislike, see the good in the person and get the love I craved. Now able to give myself that love, plus ensure my own safety, I look forward to the day that it is second nature to walk away from anyone that tries to gaslight me, with total confidence that I am following the best course of action for me and humanity – in the same way and with the same emotional detachment as not eating food that I know I am allergic to!
Sending so much love to everyone. Keep digging and uncovering the inner you with the love and kindness you deserve. The self love affair (like any relationship) has its ups and downs in the beginning, but the trust, the love and willingness to stay connected to my true self strengthens as I do the work and I know I am on the right path x x
Hi Natalie,
It’s my pleasure.
My heart goes out to you Natalie, it takes so much courage and truth to face down and heal what you need to.
You are doing an amazing job and you should be so proud of you.
I have no doubt that you will break through into yourself and your soul right for love, joy and beauty.
If you are not as yet working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp I cannot recommend this course enough for clearing out the wounds and emerging as your True Self and True Life.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you for this tonight. Just two days ago I sought a protective order for my son who my ex-husband is severely abusing. It is beyond heartbreaking. I am putting more time into seeking ways to heal so I can be there for both of my children. This quarantine has made their situation more dangerous and it is more important than ever for me to be there for them in the best way I can.
Hi Susan,
it’s my pleasure, and I am so glad that this can help.
Sending you love, power and breakthrough for you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie – thank you for this insightful excersize. When . I had I did the meditation and felt my body point – it was in my lower espophagus. You told us to stay present and that it’s” likely that what the narcissist is doing to you is a continuation of this feeling that you experienced before.”
– that was my light bulb moment. Those years of a caved in chest – my hopless lack of speaking clarity – was the physical presentation of the shame I’d internalised as a small child. Those posture braces and excerise could never ever cure them -as they came from shame. Of course they were narcisitic fodder! Thank you for this feeling excercise!
Hi Tamara,
it’s my pleasure.
I’m so pleased that this helped you connect the dots and come home into the power of you.
Sending you love, blessings and breakthroughs
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you mel for your support during this unprecedented times
I let my narc back for a brief period ( I hurt my let and house was falling apart ) thankfully hes gone now a week and (I’m not back to square 1 again !! Everyday I’m getting stronger ! I’m back doing narp
My inner child is begging me to keep abusers away so we can live our true life which I am so excited about
Much love
Lorna
Hi Lorna,
it’s my pleasure.
That’s great that it’s your time to commit to NARP and really get your healing done.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you for your never ending Dedication. To help people who have been suffering.
Well done. A Bless you
It is my pleasure Richard.
Thank you for your kind comment.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Mel for your support through these times .
I got divorced from a Narcissistic husband last June married to him 15 yrs but my second marriage ,I have learnt a lot in the year of divorcing him my children are 31 & 29 they left home ,
He taken my possession through the time I was with him but never notice when I came to move house I had nothing ,I learnt how only spoke when I had to & told him I don’t want to talk , or what ever ,always leave a question closed then they don’t know how to answer you ,
I have moved house & he did but I moved without him knowing as he started targeting my dogs that’s the time to move out ,
I am now leaving to a Narcissistic neighbour .so very different to living with someone so had to learn how to cope with her ,so anything she does like banging on my wall ,thumping loud up & down stairs ,banging on my door ,I dropping heavy objects ,
Anything I do a slight noise she bangs again ,
So I was living on egg shells again so I thought she is not getting the better of me not having supply or fix from me ,so I kept quiet the things she does & right it down when there will be a time I do call the police ,
There was one time in April I was painting the fences she came out & rubbing it down with a cloth it had already dried as a hot day ,she hose piped the other part of the fence which I had not done ,so she she went to the bedroom window called my name three times then I told her I told want to talk to her she went back inside ,
I could see the cloth it was very white ,it was a way for her to talk to me ,
I hope this all helps some some of you ,so reading the emails you send me Mel has helped me a lot
Thank you x
Hi Shelley,
you are very welcome.
Sending you power so that you can take your boundaries, rights and truth back.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie, I am a Narper and I want to thank you because you’ve helped me so much so far, especially with my ex-husband who is a narcissist! I’m very grateful for you sharing your light with us in the way you do !
Now, could you help me concerning my daughter-in-law please ? She’s a narcissist and my dear kind son seems to have completely fallen into her claws. All the more so since the birth of their son 2 years ago. I never fell for her because I’ve always seen through her but I respected my son’s choice and I did my best to have a good relationship with her. In vain. Since the birth of my grandson, she uses me and my love for him unashamedly. For example, when I babysit him, there isn’t even enough for me to eat at their house (she’s the one doing the shopping, my son does other chores in the house), she won’t even speak to me when they come back etc… And though I have asked for them to come to my house (I live one hour drive from them), they never come. It makes me feel like I am a mere maid. Just good at being used for her own agenda, not even taking into account her son’s well-being (she doesn’t care that he’d like to be with me!). And my son seems to be ok with all this although we had a good relationship so far.
So at long last, I finally told him that I couldn’t go on like this because I don’t feel respected and I offered to babysit at my own home: now they no longer come (they didn’t before either!) and my daughter-in-law doesn’t even speak to me: I can feel she’s very resentful and she’s set on separating me from my son and grandson. Which seems to be working ! Since the beginning of lockdown, I haven’t seen them once on Facetime, even though I asked for it, and my son almost never called me.I’m aware my son is also responsible for this situation but though he is intelligent, he is no longer himself: he looks as if he were hypnotized!
What would you advise me to do? If I detach, I may lose him and my grandson (and this is in fact what my daughter-in-law is aiming at) and I feel like I am abandoning them when in need. But if I accept my daughter in law’s behavior, I won’t respect and love myself. And worse still, whenever I’m around her I feel dreadful: I feel her energy sucking me dry and I come back sick most of the time. I feel stuck in a rut and I cant’ see any satisfying way out. Thanks for your answer!
Hi Albane,
I’m so pleased that I could help!
Albane, there is so much that you can work on this with, with NARP.
I’d really love you to, if you are a Gold NARP member, to come into the NARP member’s forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help guide you how to shift out the traumas that she has ignited within (totally understandably), and then get into your power with healthy boundaries to be able to work with this.
If you are not yet a Gold Member, or are not sure how to access the forum, then you can email one of my lovely support team at [email protected]
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you so much for this Melanie. I have recently started the NARC program and already had so many shifts! I am accidentally stuck with the narcissist and his new supply. Initially that abandonment hurt like hell, but after a couple of sessions I can say I don’t really care anymore! I’m not someone who cries often, but during your meditations I’ve been crying tears of liberation and smiling. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you do, it is pure magic.
Hi Mimi,
it’s my pleasure.
I’m so happy for you that NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has helped you so much already.
Sending you continued breakthroughs and blessings.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Right on time, my narc husband of 32yrs has been cheating on me through out the covid quarantine without thinking of the virus impact . I have moved to a spare bedroom because I fear he might infect me with more than the virus. He thinks only of his own pleasure. I have turned inward to heal my young inner part now that l havea bit of time alone. Blessings Mel. You are Godsent.
Hi Elizabeth,
that is so great that you have detached and you are healing.
You deserve so much better.
Sending you strength, healing and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
Ahh! Thanks so much for this post and for your work in general. This has been a timely post because I’m currently trying to gain my footing as I self-isolate with my narc mother. She’s done everything possible to anger and humiliate me. She constantly picks on me especially since I’ve managed to detach from her to a great degree. I find that she tries to trigger me when I’m happy and in a good mood. It’s as if she’s angry with me for being happy. She takes it as an a front. I can almost always expect a backlash from her if I dare to own and live in my power.
Over these past couple of months she has turned up the heat so this exercise will be useful for me. I do feel excited about the potential from growth and healing. I know it’s an energetic and spiritual battle and being firmly grounded in my faith has been helpful for me too. I’ll put your technique into effect immediately because I’m determined to win this war. I feel an anger within me for the many ways that she’s violated me over the years and for the fact that she thinks she owns my soul. She does not and I’ll never allow her to own me or my energy/life force ever again.
Thanks for your work.
Hi Ren,
you are very welcome.
That’s lovely that you feel excited about your growth!
Kudos for your strength and determination.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you for your program on healing from narcissistic abuse. It has helped me to grow immensely. I ordered the Quanta Freedom Healing program over 72 hours ago and have received nothing in my email. It said to wait 48 hours. I look forward to doing the work it takes to fully recover. I am on the road to recovery because of your free videos and want to continue to take back my power. Your attention to this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Mel.
Hi Teresa,
Please email one of my lovely support team at [email protected] and someone will help you get connected as soon as possible.
Sending you love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
I had many many versions of myself speaking up… some of them were yelling and swearing. Theirs about 4 versions of myself for each year of my life.. I’m 32 years old. They were talking about many, many different topics, including the questions of why I had abandoned them.. or many of them… talking about Women, as well as who was now healed.. and what some of the others need.. Which I am working on to heal. After Lockdown I can use my degree to get a job out of it.. also a Women would be great.. Haha 😄 I’m off to Vietnam after Lockdown 😊
I’m currently on Lockdown with my Narc parents
I am a word person, “DETACH” and find ‘Inner healing”, walking away with simple keys to apply brings strength and re-gained empowerment in my life! During the last 3 weeks, I have followed and applied simple key words to my mindset and actions, for example, ‘block and delete’. I have done things for myself that I denied for seven years. Long story short, I can’t believe it! From insanity to removing the scales from my eyes of hopelessness, frustration, anxieties, & years of health issues. Every night I try to read or watch you post to find a key word that becomes a building block, forming a wall of majestic inner healing. Thank you, A
Hi A,
That is so wonderful that you have taken your power back!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thanks Mel! Even though I feel pretty well healed from my relationship -I have wondered How the narc and new person would be faring. During the four years I spent trying to have a relationship that was normal…a “lockdown with them”is what I always desired really… Because I never sensed that they really were present! So I wondered how they are faring with their new person. They moved in together a year ago and I know the narcissist has not changed… But I thought maybe under this pressure cooker a narcissist could be kind of fixed. But-Like you say I doubt it -I imagine they are finding someway to go out and get fuel.What if the new victim keeps releasing all those triggers? Wouldn’t you end up at a stalemate? I think people get a taste of it by trying to go on say a weekend getaway with… Or a trip out of their normal controlled environment. The same kind of games and behavior and manipulations and bad treatment occurs probably.
But anyway I can’t trouble my mind trying to figure it out-I just don’t spend my brain cells on it anymore to any deep deep level. but I do appreciate your work and this video.
I also wonder if this is how you released the smoking habit… With the same kind of exercise? I remember that article where you wrote about it -Is something I’m still battling -it’s similar- it’s an addiction Filling a gap… thanks 😊
Hi Kathleen,
you are so right… pondering this takes your energy away from healing you.
It becomes an addiction that is draining your energy, and will never give you a definitive answer.
The bottom line to get well, is to detach and turn inwards to heal the parts of you that are still connected to wondering. That’s truly what healing ourselves is about, letting go, and coming home to be the person our Inner Being is really waiting for, ourselves.
I healed my obsessions and symptoms with narcissistic abuse and smoking in the identical way. Go No Contact, be with myself to meet, load up and release the traumas that arose, and replace them with my true Source.
That’s exactly what the NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp allows us to do.
It’s my highest suggestion, and with Gold Membership comes the incredible support from the private NARP Members Forum which can help guide you along the way, powerfully.
I hope that this helps.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
An unhealed wound in me was my biological narcissist father never believed anything I ever told him. I told myself that I believe me and that I will never leave me again. Thank you Melanie. You have helped me so much. I look forward to seeing all of your heartfelt educational videos on narcissism. Much love my friend.
Hi Nancy,
I’m so pleased that I could help.
Much love to you as well and sending you blessings.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
I am a member of the community (Narp). I just have to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work you do. Thank you. Please keep going! I watch all your episodes. This one is fantastic. I love the part with the pressure, heat and diamond. It is so true!
Lots of love
Bee
Hi Bee,
Thank you for your beautiful words and support.
Sending love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you Melanie,
That was very powerful for me knowing each time that I am triggered to do the healing from your program as soon as I can. And I know, when I’m triggered, to feel it inside, then I can go back to that area and heal. I’ve been focussing on healing past relationships, along with this one, and also previous life relationships. This will help me to focus more in the now and what I am feeling. I know I need to leave and still plan on doing so, it’s a matter of just when. I have a lot of healing I still need to do to be strong within myself. The future is so uncertain for all of us but I know once I take the leap of faith the Universe will join me and guide me each step of the way. Much Love sent your way and stay safe.
Hi Sue,
I’m so pleased that this was such a reminder to turn inwards with NARP.
It is incredibly true Sue, how when we partner ourselves in this way, all of life also provides.
You’ve got this!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hey Mel
Well done, so good to listen too. As I reflected back I noticed that the turning point was the questioning her, when I was trying to understand the things that didn’t add up. Wow didn’t that list get longer over time. I even coped the whole I’m allowed to do these things because it doesn’t have the same meaning as it would if you did the same things to me, such as cheating. Unbelievable hey, probably not here.
Thank you-I really needed this tonight. My narc husband and I started divorce proceedings before lockdown but did not finish yet (1/2 way). He had decided the weekend before official lockdown to visit a “friend” and stayed the night (claiming to have drank too much and a headlight not working right in his bike). She ended up getting sick. 2 weeks later, so were we. Of course he lied about having seen her but then messed up with his story. So, had a scary moment dealing with this bizarre virus just for myself while also dealing with him. His blood pressure is dangerously high and having this virus, a doctor told him could kill him. Well that of course sent his anxiety way up! Super control freak arrived. And after I figured out the lie about “the friend” and called it out (which of course I should not have done but wow! Was I angry as now I have had some residual issues from the virus) he is just extremely angry. He yelled at me while sick and now literally every interaction is a scream fest. I was starting to feel overwhelmed by everything (to top off, I’m in a foreign -his-country so another layer of stress) and being a NARPer, knew what I needed to do to get myself back. It has been so extreme to get through this time but I’m confident that the other side will have a blessing.
Oh my goodness Melanie!!! I feel like you created a little mini NARP in this video. I’m just starting empowered self course and of course will be delving back into NARP. I sat and did this exercise and it was amazing. Your healing, connected energy and presence shine through here as much or more than in any other video or healing. THANK YOU. I am book marking this as a healing to come to now and then. You stepped up in this covid 19 time and are making a HUGE contribution. ❤️❤️
Hi Laura,
I’m.so glad you enjoyed this and thanks for your beautiful words.
So much love and many blessings to you Dear Lady.
Mel 🙏💕💚