It may make no sense that a narcissist needs to suck all the goodness out of you.

What is the point in destroying someone until they barely exist?

Why do narcissists pursue connections with people so fanatically, only to empty them out and throw them aside?

It’s completely illogical until you understand EXACTLY why!



Video Transcript


Many people wonder why narcissists act the way they do.

You may be distraught regarding the way the narcissist behaves, having zero consideration for your well-being.

Why do narcissists do this? Why does a narcissist have to suck you dry of your love, good nature, health, resources and even your very soul?

What is the point of being in a relationship with somebody, only to empty them out, and then throw their corpse into the gutter?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain to you exactly why narcissists do this.

But before we get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. Also, if you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love to remind you to please do and share this video so that you can help people globally know that it is now possible to heal for real from abuse.

Okay so let’s get started with today’s episode.


The Vampire Myth

The vampire myth bears such a strong resemblance to narcissism. Many believe that the myth was modelled on narcissism.

Vampires are the walking dead. They were purported to be lifeless souls sucking the blood (Life Force) out of humans in order to survive.

Narcissists are eerily similar. They feel dead on the inside, and it’s not until they get the feedback of somebody else’s energy (narcissistic supply) that they can feel alive.

Just like vampires without blood, narcissists without attention can’t exist. They don’t function.

Vampires had to hunt humans in order to exist.

Similarly, narcissists hunt other people’s energy in order to exist. They are as much hardened addicts, as any drug addict is, and also as much as vampires purportedly were.

Narcissists don’t just stop at attention; anything that feeds the insatiable ego (a bottomless deep black hole that can’t be filled) is fair game. This means commodities like sex, money, resources, and anything that is for the taking, including people’s time, health, years and emotions.

When you stay connected to a narcissist whilst trying to get them to change and behave like a normal, sensible, non-vampirish person, you are available as a source to be sucked dry.

Staying with a narcissist doesn’t earn you love, approval, security or survival. Rather, it smashes all of these things to pieces, emptying us out to our very demise.


A Narcissist Can’t Retain Their Own Energy

There is another phenomenon that explains why narcissists suck people dry.

I want you to think of a black hole. This is anti-gravity. Things disappear into this black hole never to be seen again.

The vacuum source of a black hole is so intense that it will gobble up complete celestial bodies into itself.

The black hole is empty, it’s nothing, yet it has an insatiable appetite that can never be appeased.

No matter how much it consumes, it stays black, it stays as “nothing”.

Narcissists are the same. Because their ego cannot be appeased, any external hit of significance only offers temporary self-solidness and peace, which doesn’t hold.

The narcissist is always chasing attention, stuff and other people’s resources and energy to try to fill their inner black hole that can never be satisfied. Sooner, rather than later, the narcissist is back to craving more to try to offset the horrific feeling of living with an internal black hole that is an emotionally annihilating self-prophecy.

Now let’s take this understanding even further.


The Narcissist Is A False Self

The narcissist does not have an active True Self core. The narcissist as an incredibly damaged and insecure individual has decided that his or her True Self is inadequate, and has assigned a fictitious character (a False Self) to be at the helm.

The False Self is a fragile construct. The ego is not solid, confident, or organically experiencing feelings of peace and wholeness. The False Self is not connected to one’s Superconscious/Creation/Source/God (a Higher Power).

Therefore, the False Self is out on the edge of survival all on its own. The narcissist has never faced the inner traumas that have caused such a grave disconnection from his or her True Self and All of Life.

As an empty entity continually in the trauma of separation from Creation Itself, the narcissist is alone, hungry and desolate. He or she needs copious amounts of stuff, acclaim and significance in order to try to feel remotely okay.

It’s a full-time fruitless job to feed a bottomless False Self.

In stark contrast, those of us who did turn inwards to self-partner with our True Self (no matter how damaged) and did the diligent inner work to heal our Inner Beings from trauma and false programming up to wholeness, have discovered the relief of being connected to ourselves and Life healthily.

Narcissists, sadly, don’t ever get to experience this Oneness.

When you move into the light of your healing, you come out of the danger space of narcissists. Think when a bright light is shone on a vampire, they recoil back into the shadows.

Without your pain and fear, a narcissist cannot exist under your bright light.

If you get this, I want you to pause this video and declare below, “I am claiming my light, that dissolves away your darkness NOW”.


Our Lesson In All of This

I wrote an article a while ago about how codependents and narcissists are two sides of the same coin.

The link to this article is here.

We may believe that opposites attract. On the surface this looks very true, that narcissists who are takers like to get with people who are givers.

For sure this is real. However, there is a deeper truth to this regarding the bonding together of co-dependent people and narcissists.

If we are suffering disconnection from our Inner Beings and carrying trauma and trying to get our outer lives to take the inner trauma away, rather than being self-partnered and doing our inner work, then we are susceptible to narcissists.

Which means WE need to heal.

This is where I come in. I can help you get free from inner emptiness and pain, just as I did, and no longer be susceptible to narcissists latching on to you and sucking you dry.

To start this path with me all you need to do is click this link. 

So, I hope that this episode has really helped, and please remember to subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new Thriver TV episode is released. I publish two each week. And if you liked this, click on the like and share buttons!

And as always, I look forward to responding to your questions and your comments below.


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Commments (86) + Leave a comments

86 thoughts on “Why Narcissists Need To Suck The Goodness Out Of You

  1. The vampire analogy is the lightbulb moment I needed. To be horrifically truthful he actually used to BITE me to bruise level sometimes….saying he needed to bite when he felt depressed. God/light/creation source help us one and all…..

    1. Melanie you hit the nail on the head unfortunately it’s my daughter I had to let go of. She refuses to take responsibility she has no god it’s kind of sad in a way. I changed but still have to do work on my trauma and codependency but I am willing to do the work. What my daughter does is her business. I have to save myself. Thank you for coming into my life it was exactly at the right time. I believe this with all my heart❤️

      1. Hi Luisa,

        Dear lady, I know how painful this is, back in the day I also had to go no contact with my son and create ultimate boundaries with him.

        I knew I had to lead the way. I had to get well and retain my boundaries in health, regardless of what he was and wasn’t doing. This was the healthiest action for me and also for him if he was going to join me at a place of health. Which he did.

        This would never have been possible if I had not said “No more”.

        Luisa, I know how painful this decision is, and by the time I made the decision, I knew that even if he never turned and came back to me in a healthy way, my greatest responsibility was for me to be healthy, and not destroyed by what he was doing.

        You are doing the right thing Luisa, it is the only thing that can have a positive effect.

        Keep healing with NARP hun, and I promise you it will all get better.

        You got this Luisa, and please know the entire NARP community has got you as well.

        Much love to you

        Mel 🙏💕💚

      2. Hi Luisa,
        I’m sorry for your pain with your daughter. My heart goes out to you. I, myself, was getting in a good place with the help of Melanie. Around Christmas things started going bad with my son (20 years old). He seemed to be listening to his dad, my ex narc of 30+ years. About a month ago, he called me a liar, I don’t work hard (I have a full time job and taking college classes, at 53) and I’m jealous of the new supply. Throw in some vey nasty words and that was my last conversation with him. I’m heartbroken. We’ve always been close. I haven’t spoken to him in a month. It triggered me and sent me on a downward spiral but I know I need to look within myself. I am none of those things. I have to stop trying to make him understand who I am and what happened. Like Melanie said below, it’s been the hardest thing for me. I love him so much, but I won’t let him treat me that way. I don’t deserve that!! I know in time he’ll see his dad for the vampire he is. I just have to keep being me.
        I know your daughter will see you for who you are as well. Hopefully they see will sooner rather than later. I send you nothing but strength.
        All the best,

      3. Hi Luisa xo
        This happened to me briefly with my eldest son, & the trauma was HUGE! (Sending you a huge virtual HUG!)
        Thankfully I had just not long started with Narp, & had been working consistently on it daily.
        I took Mel’s advice, stopped what I had been working on with the program, & focussed on the thing that was traumatising me the most at that time.. my son.
        It was easy for me to find the pain inside as it was just sooo fierce, & I achieved a massive ‘shift’ that day, & felt instant relief from it all!
        No sooner had I finished the healing session, my son called me, (& broke the ice) for the first time in 2weeks, (which had seemed like forever for me after being in contact with him daily his entire life)!
        I was totally gobsmacked & amazed that as soon as I stopped trying to convince him of who I was, justify my actions, words & knowledge on the subject, & had detached & focussed on healing my own inner traumas on it all.. that it almost completely turned the situation around & he came home, apologised for his behaviour, & we reinstated our close & loving relationship almost immediately!
        I know it seems so hard to believe, (at first I was very sceptical about the potential of this program).. but honestly now it is my ‘go to’ for absolutely any & every trauma I experience. Because of outcomes from shifts like this one I was completely convinced that it does work incredibly.
        I had got to a point that I had exhausted myself trying to find/think of solutions, & I was desperate for a solution to my troubles & constant traumatised state. So I figured I had nothing to loose trying the program. It has changed my life & for the first time ever I feel so free of trauma, & not terrified of anyone destroying me or my life.
        I still have a long way to go, & I know that I’ll work with this forever after now.
        I cannot recommend Narp enough, I feel like Mel has taught me a superpower/repellent against the vampires of the world! 🤩
        I truely hope you give it a go.. 🤞🏼🤞🏼
        Wendy xo

        1. Hi Wendy,

          I adore stories like this, just as NARP assisted in the healing and reuniting with me and my son.

          Thank you for sharing your story publicly and inspiring other parents to know that they can heal and solve the traumas that have happened with their children, with The inner work with NARP.

          As a parent, I am incredibly passionate about helping our children heal in this way, as well as powerfully healing ourselves.

          We received reports of this every day, from parents breaking through, and it’s lovely that you are sharing this publicly because more parents to know that it is possible.

          Much love to you Wendy and I’m so proud of you for the inner work that you’ve achieved for you and your family.

          Mel 🙏💕💚

    2. I left after 21 years. The divorce process has not been easy, but I have learned to show no emotion in emails, simply a business relationship. He is unhealthy and has gained a lot of weight. The mistress, I learned about later, has been in the picture for a few years. We were only divorced October of 2019. He called the police the day he laid hands on me. He was convinced I would get arrested. Not the case. Me and my young son are healing. Thank you for your wisdom.

    3. Biting is an obvious form of physical abuse. It happened to me and I actually tolerated it thinking he must be so sick to do such a thing and so felt a kind of compassion for him that he must be in such a terrible state of mind. You must not allow it. It’s sick to tolerate it and if you like and still want to help him it’s also not good for him to be allowed to do such a thing. STOP it now. But don’t allow it for your own sake first and foremost.

  2. The vampire analogy is the lightbulb moment I needed. To be horrifically truthful he actually used to BITE me to bruise level sometimes….saying he needed to bite when he felt depressed. God/light/creation source help us one and all…..

  3. Mel, Thank you for the video as always they help. 🙂 Doesn’t NARC feel tired or get tired by controlling co-dep? Isn’t it exhausting for them? My mom, my ex, my co-workers are Narcs….Each and every one of them is a super control freak. For me to control that much requires so much energy and effort.

    1. Hi Bria,

      You are very welcome, and I’m so glad that my videos help.

      The truth is narcissists don’t operate like normal people. They love the drama and the feed, it is what energises them.

      The only hope you have in all of this, is to detach, don’t feed it and heal yourself up and beyond it.

      Then YOU get to say “no more controlling drama in my life!”

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  4. I love that you still send these emails. Has come at right time for me also. I ask myself on a daily basis why he was the way he was to me. Then I start to doubt my decision to be on my own. I sometimes feel sorry for ex narc. He has sent the odd nice message. Left a birthday present for me at my door. But I don’t believe his words any more and I do know I’ve done the right thing. And I’m sticking to this. Your emails are just the boost I need sometimes. Read them from top to bottom. Thanks for still sending this stuff out.

    1. Hi Lynette,

      I’m so pleased that you enjoy receiving my emails!

      This is wonderful that you are sticking to your empowerment and truth about this.

      Sending you love, strength and healing

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  5. I’m so thankful for your words.i have been involved with two narcs. My ex who stole threatened, smeared, cheated and bullied me. Who recently got married, he was smiling and his poor bride had a shocked look on her face, in their published photo.
    And the second narc is my brother, who has smeared me to my whole family along with accusing me of killing my father. All the while claiming to be an empath, intuitive, channel and speaks to aliens. He has a huge following that can’t see thru his charades. I haven’t changed but realize who are my true friends. Through your teaching I have learned to let go what people think and say about me. It was very hard and I had many nights of crying in disbelief. But what a weight was lifted, once I let go of what other people thought about me. Thank you Melanie

  6. I went no contact for just about two years. The narcissist, in my life, will not take that laying down. He recruited God knows how many people to try & make me financially dependent on him. I almost got evicted twice, but the apt management in a nick of time realized what is going on. His brother paid a lawyer & got the joint acct off me. Now, they are paying my rent & two weeks of food. My husband will not leave me a lone. He is in a medical building federal, out of state & he recruits people, especially the family to continue destroying my life. I had a protective investigator come here to discredit me & stop my actions. She has 6 police records so I threatened her with the police. I was 302ed for trying to get help, for 2 & 1/2 abusive weeks. I came home & I was broken into & my medications were stolen. My microwave doesn’t work, my water is cloudy & the air quality looks like I’m always cooking & my phones don’t work. The other day, a phone wire wrapped around my leg like a snake’s death grip & I needed help getting out of it. Things are always falling. Someone told me bad energy & he is trying to hurt me. To get rid of everything of his that I can & I’m. Now, with that virus going around & he knows that I’m ill, our characters are up, so I can’t get in touch with him & he hasn’t bother in a whole day. I want him to leave me a lone, but he won’t. He is financially controlling me & now, I can’t move. I’m ill, but not sure what. I’m tired & had it with God. My entire life has been abusive by one person or the other. My mother almost killed me at five with a brain aneurism & now, I’m too damn tired & do not want to go through anymore. I love Christ, but God lost me. Sick & tired of all the suffering in this world & fraud repeatedly everyday. Barely functionally & I just don’t want to do it anymore. This is going on longer than people think I’m old & still fighting to be believed. I just can’t do it anymore. Going to be doing a whole lot of sleeping. He just won’t stop. I had over 6 break ins, in a year, several attempts to break in. They sit in front of my apt watching it & I had to change my habits. Went out & brought life protection & pepper spray & barricade when I’m home. The last time the police came out, they brought back up. That only took three years. I reported him a few times, when my children were teens. They are now 50 & most people refuse to believe me. Smear campaigns & I just about lost everything. My apt looks like a cyclone hit it, because they threw it around. I’m too tired to do much more & get treated terrible in hospitals.

  7. Everything you say Melanie, about the basic form of a Narcissist, is absolutely true, from a psychiatric point of view. However, there are other forms of Narcissist’s, who have little to NONE of the PTTVN / Poor Traumatized Too, Vampire Narcissist. There is a certain percentage, in my opinion, perhaps 40℅ or more, who were literally born to be narcissist’s.. It Is In Their Blood and Spirit from birth. No poor me too traumatizing is needed for them to become Malignant Narcissist’s. They are the Pure Bloods, the Original Real Deal and are far more dangerous than the basic TBHN / Traumatized Black Hole Narcissist. I say this to inform the group, as Dr. George Simon would, that we must strongly avoid feeling sorry for some narcissist’s, in their not being able to do the trauma work, because this 40 ℅ can’t work on the trauma’s which never was there in the first place… Ever thinking that a True Blood Narcissist may lighten up or change in the slightest way, for even one day or one hour or one minute, would be the same as asking any person to do the work of changing their eye color from blue to brown, without colored contacts of course : ) Just please remember, there are Traumatized Narcissist’s and there are True Blood Narcissist’s, the latter is far far far, more dangerous….

    1. Hi Steph,

      I totally agree with you that there are genetics the come into play with some narcissists.

      Trauma is an inherited issue and there are absolutely some children who are born with greater propensities and narcissistic defences than others. I believe nature and nurture can be responsible.

      None of my work is about feeling sorry for them, it is simply about taking the focus of them to put it fully on ourselves in order to recover. Staying attached and not doing the inner work means that we will feel sorry for them to our own detriment and possibly even our own demise.

      Having said this, being resentful and angry and blaming certainly is not helpful for our own healing in any shape or form either.

      This is why I am so passionate about the Thriver Way to heal, which is all about making it about investigating and healing our own inner parts that were unconsciously caught up in all of this. It’s then that we can escape not just the narcissist in our life, but also our repeat painful and traumatic relationship patterns.

      Much love to you Steph

      Mel 🙏💕💚

      1. Melanie ~ Thank you for your kind reply and all of your time and positive efforts.

        I did not mean to imply that you personally ever stated that anyone should feel sorry for, or feel compassion towards, any form of the narcissistic entity which acts out within those people we encounter daily and or may be in love with or have love for…

        I meant that I myself and others, actually do consciously and subconsciously feel Empathy, Compassion and feel sorry for the Narcissist at times and we should NOT be doing so.

        Let God, the universe and whatever higher power do that for the Narcissist, but not us, at least not for more than a few minutes, per every 12 months, as Empathy and Compassion and Love is who we are and that is OK, even though it is part of the reason we got SUCKED into them in the first place, we can use those positive traits to heal ourselves and to love ourselves and eventually, to love and be in love with truly NON-Narcissistic people.

        Finally, I believe that the black hole to which you refer, is in fact, the True Self Core, of the True Blood Narcissist.

        These True Blood Narcissist are not lacking in anything. They are not empty, they are not fragile, they are not damaged, they are not insecure, they do not feel inadequate and they do feel peace. They feel whole and happy in Union with their Darkness.

        They are born being Black Holes and they like and enjoy being who and what they are.

        For many, including myself, to believe such an unspeakable dark truth, is extremely difficult, but it is a truth that must be faced and accepted.

        One of the most published books, in the entire history of humankind has a quote, ” And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

        Yes, our energy of true Light, dissolves away the lies of darkness.

        Thank you Melanie ~

        1. Hi Steph,

          You are very welcome and thank you for your reply.

          I completely understand your belief in the darkness.

          This is actually what I believe in relation to the true core purpose of a narcissist, after having a profound life between lives experience.

          It is fascinating to have this debate and share our different beliefs!

          Much love to you and thank you as well

          Mel 🙏💕💚

          1. Melanie ~

            I appreciate you giving me your ” Soul Contact with the narc” link.

            I was not aware of it and will read your words with pleasure.

            I remember Louise Lynn Hay stating that, “We all want to be loved and accepted.”

            I can clearly see that a major part of your purpose is to be Loving and Accepting of everyone here and of every person who is acceptingly aware of your enlightening work and your strong and loving endeavors.

            To know that you personally went into and through, the DNRH / Dark Narc Rabbit Hole and that you came out whole and happy, provides much hope for us all.

            My heartfelt thanks for you sharing the courage you possess and for using your powers to help us all gather together and truly co-create change together, in the transparency of the no ego light.

            Respectfully and Acceptingly,

            Steph / Stephen / Steve : )

  8. Ty. I understand my role as a co dependent. And I too need healing from not just losing my inner self. But giving my essence to my mother during physical abuse. My head repeatedly being hit against a wall. To not think for myself. But always follow her demands. Trauma ,,,,, I was very young. And this may have only happened once or twice. Mom went for help. And this cruelty stopped. But psych was damaged Now I understand. How I became co dependent and loss my essence. Being dyslexic did not help my confidence. I AM so grateful you led me to this understanding of self. Bless you. Lovingly. Carol

  9. I’ve been getting these emails and I have to admit, this is my first time watching. Sometimes we don’t want to face the truth, so we avoid.

    I’m no longer avoiding.

    I am claiming my LIGHT, which dissolves away your darkness. NOW!

    I am reclaiming my life and will return to the joyful and fun person I once was. I deserve better.

  10. So So Good Melanie, darkness cannot exist in the Presence of the light, we Simply have to be, and the Light does the rest, at first I was disappointed that so many people sided with the narcissist, and didn’t even enquire about my well being, but now looking back, i believe these people were kept out of my life, for a reason, so my True friends could Really Shine, Blessings Col

  11. OMG, I had to come back and listen again. I really do feel as though the life has slowly been drained out of me over these past twelve years.

    I know what I have to do and yet it is so hard.

    I cannot stop crying.

    How did I let this happen?

    He has taken over my life and immersed himself into every aspect. I know I will lose many family members and friends, but they do not live my experience. He had no friends of his own, he’s taken over a few and pushed away the rest.

    How did I let this happen? I am an educated and fairly intelligent woman… at least I thought so…

    1. Hi Astrid,

      please know dear lady that this has happened to so many of us despite being highly intelligent. In fact, it is often very highly intelligent people who are narcissistically abused, it actually has nothing to do with this how intelligent we are.

      There are much deeper reasons within that you can find, release and heal to truly get free of this.

      My heart goes out to you and I would love to extend to you my free webinar which can start to give you clarity and relief and power very quickly.

      It truly is your time to heal Astrid.

      Much Love

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  12. You hit the nail right on the head with this comparison . The sad thing is , my divorce being final after almost 23 years last September , is still hearing comments about how bad she had it during our marriage. My oldest son lives with me at 22 and has zero contact with his mom which makes me terribly sad . He wants to take a full page in the local newspaper to set the record straight , lol. I had a fall in a store in 2017 giving me what the neurosurgeon called similarly to shaken baby syndrome . 2 days later I awoke with complete autobiographical amnesia which lasted almost 5 months . Not knowing her , my children , my brother , my deceased parents or any of my childhood or even growing up . It was a terribly troubling time for all . The Dr. Upon my release saying twice that I wasn’t to be left alone for a bare minimum of 3 days for the fact my head injury . With such injuries he warned , I could take my own life , burn down the house , walk off distorted and getting lost or possible do harm to another person being out of my mind. He said I may do nothing , may get violent , cry , sleep or be normal , but extremely important I be adult supervised . Still being married then but separated I learned , she visited all days while I was hospitalized , barely an hour per day but I didn’t know her anyway. When I went to my place they called our home , she dropped me off with my 13 year old son and left . I could have done a number of bad things but thank God I didn’t do anything except try learning who I was in the Twilight Zone except real. She abandoned us , her own children with a stranger more or less possibly a violent stranger. The only other analogy than being vampires I would say , is that they are evil. They , in my opinion are demonically guided if not possessed entirely. The Bible said of Satan he is the Father of Lies , and has come to Kill , Steal and Destroy. For the life of me besides your vampire comparison can’t think of any better comparison. I also believe only God can change them , which are best left alone. For the rest of us , we have wonderful people like you Melanie . Thank you for what you do.

  13. Thank You Mel for everything you are doing and I can’t wait to attend one of your workshops in London and meet You in person:)
    I’ve been a long time Narp enthusiast and my life has transformed and still is transforming.
    I stopped calling Narp a healing process, I prefer to call it -reprogramming of the subconscious.
    I know now that those unwanted programs weren’t mine and I was never damaged.
    Narp is such a powerful and life changing proces and I would love for everyone to experience it.

  14. Thank you so much.. One feels a sense of calm and peace when listening to your videos. This one is no exception.

  15. This is such an important message. Both the vampire element and the need to heal oneself in order to never again be susceptible to the vampire’s bite. I too was bitten and bruised – literally – during sex and sadly I did not realise what was really going on because it was so cleverly and demonically manipulated by the narc to appear to be “okay” and part of our intense “love”. Nothing could be further from the truth. Remember everyone : evil is only realised once it achieves its aims. This is why the narc is so appealing and irresistible initially and how they hook us. Then they deplete us by literally taking over our soul because the darkness (the black hole which is the narc) has access to us through our MIND. How many of us were fine when we met the narc only to be literally soul raped by the end ? How many of us were mysteriously haunted by everything this individual said and did to us in a way we had never before experienced ?? I would say most of us. They are deceivers of the highest order and I am speaking in spiritual terms here. I have several incredible examples from my own experience proving how this person was literally from the darkness.. And the most important and positive element is of course the lessons learned, the self healing and the awareness after the horror of it into realising what these kinds of people are capable of doing to us empaths. Stay strong everyone and keep the faith in yourself, in God, in truth, in the light in life and in goodness – all of which will
    Surround you til the end !!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️

  16. Hello Melanie

    I want to contribute a couple of important observations regarding Light and Darkness.

    1. The “Darkness” has no self existent reality. That is, for example, you can not go out and pick up a box of Darkness. The moment you open the box it is gone as manifestation. This tells us that the only place where Darkness can persist on Earth is in a place where Light has not been introduced.

    2. This seems redundant and like an unnecessary comment, but it is critical to understand:. The Darkness never had its own reality that can overcome Light. Everything defaults to Darkness UNLESS THAT WHICH IS LIGHT PERSISTS IN SHINING AS LIGHT because Darkness on Earth is only the absence of Light.

    3. The implication is that NARCS only exist in manifestation because those WHO ARE LIGHT have not claimed their nature unto themselves.
    Were the LIGHTS to fully become their true selves, there would be NO PLACE for evil to work on Earth

    I hope this made some sense. It is written with the intention of empowering those who are in the Light to be unapologetically and deliberately good to themselves that their internal strength would advance the purposes of Light and so we all eradicate the places for Darkness to be felt on Earth in the human experience.

    Black holes seem to be overcoming light in space in that they absorb it all, but we read in Revelation that all of Creation is waiting FOR THE MANIFESTATION of The Children of God:
    When humans transform into their True Divine Be-ings, there will be no Night or Darkness anywhere.

    Sorry this may seem off topic but I always need Eternal reasons for the things I do. 🤗

    1. Hi Iris,

      I completely 100% agree with everything that you have written here.

      In the presence of light there is absolutely no darkness.

      Darkness is only an absence of light.

      Much love to you and so looking forward to meeting you soon!

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  17. I grew up in a family where the mother died young, and I was the eldest daughter responsible for all their hardship of loss. Being happy and self caring was “betrayal” of the family . An enmeshed family systems of captives to the family dance.
    My sister disowned me when I no longer wanted to submit to this family system.

  18. Hi Melanie, I am a new reader and I’m so excited to find all of this. It has given me hope again. I have spent the last two decades rehashing my mother’s abusive ways with my sister and while it has been helpful (when there don’t seem to be any alternatives) to get some sort of validation, I have felt totally stuck and like “now what?” I’ve wondered how I’m ever going to get back to the gregarious and happy child I was before the trauma started, and if I can’t be myself ever again then what is the point? The worst part has been that I’ve spent years wondering if it really is my fault that she is the way she is. She’s a consummate gaslighter and lies to everyone she knows about everyone else she knows. She tells people I’m the problem child and something is and always has been wrong with me and she’s so convincing even I start believing it! It’s absolutely crazy. I no longer speak to her and have always said to people if I could truly rise above the drama I would be able to have some sort of basic relationship with her where I could have her in my life in some small way, but I never had any idea how I’d achieve that. I went to therapy and even outpatient group therapy as my adrenals became shot and I was close to being suicidal after a brief stint of talking to her again. To make matters worse I also “happen “ to have a narcissistic alcoholic mother in law whom I’m starting to believe I subconsciously “adopted” to replace my own mom. I couldn’t possibly live without having someone significant in my life questioning my every step and motive. And the sad thing is I have done a lot of things that have deserved questioning, and now I’m at the point where I feel I could go either way, a crossroads. If I allow my codependency to run it’s course I will probably end up a narcissist too. I’ve had such a difficult time admitting my own faults because I was verbally and physically battered for them as a child. My mother in law only served to harden my resolve to be “perfect” even though I’m clearly not. But I refuse to admit anything I’ve done wrong because of her judgment and criticism of me from day one. My husband is hurt that I don’t own up to my mistakes and that I don’t do a good job of being organized, as well as my overspending. I’ve also struggled with chronic migraines and other health issues which he seems to think are made up or that I’m just shutting down but the pain is very real and he just didn’t understand when I would need to hide in the bedroom all day long. I’ve made great strides over the last year in taking control of my health and even starting a course of yoga that has helped me feel better physically but also mentally. I actually think it was the path that led me here, I needed to learn to turn inward, be in touch with my breath, not be so quick to let my ego just take me on some wild adventure. Unfortunately part of my health journey has been to get on antidepressants which are notoriously difficult to withdraw from. I’m not even trying to eliminate them altogether right now because I don’t feel ready, but I believe I will eventually with help from NARP. I prayed sincerely to find the answers I needed and this is truly what I needed and I’m hoping I’ll be able to convince my sister to join as well.

    1. Hi Alyssa,

      That’s wonderful that you found your way here as well!

      I’m so sorry that you have been through as much as you have, but it’s lovely now that you are realising that by releasing the trauma from your body that you will be able to get well.

      Yes, please know that you can be working on your NARP journey whilst you are still on antidepressants, and come off them gradually.

      I love that you are now on the journey of healing for real from all of this.

      So much love to you and your sister

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  19. Thanks. Where do I claim the money he owes me?
    I could have paid cash for an apartment..

    Nice for him to be loved and lauded by all as I try to get back on my feet, 50 and broke and homeless.

    What a pity they never get their comeuppance.

  20. Melanie, Thank you for this wonderful analogy. It is so fitting. A few years back, when my narc husband was in rehab for alcohol addiction his therapist asked me to right him a letter about what his addiction has cost me. I wrote him 4 pages of how his addiction robbed me of love, joy, security, friendships and even our own children one of whom had not spoken to us for 6 years and another who moved as far away as possible. (She and I are in daily contact but she doesn”t contact him. I used a similar analogy comparing him to the Nothing character in the movie The Neverending Story. This character was sucking out all that was good in the world of literature and imagination. I have been married for 36 years and have just recently moved out to a state 1500 miles away and living near my grandson whose parents are wise enough to keep their little one away from the narc. I am happy to say that I did this so that I could regain my light and be the grandmother Inwant to be, giving light and love to my little sweetheart. I also wanted to break the cycle of abuse so that another generation is not affected by this person of darkness. I feel alone right now living in an unfamiliar place. I am fearful right now but with your help and this community’s help, I am moving forward to reclaim myself and my light which has been hidden under a bushel for a very long time.

    1. Hi Beth,

      It’s my pleasure.

      I hope that you can feel the support and love in this community and know that it is possible to heal and take your light back.

      Sending you love and healing Beth

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  21. Love you videos melanie. Help me to keep & stay on right path . I’ve been doing narp 9mths now . I had a major breakthrough early this month .I’m excited to share on group forum .it changes everything… Hoping to be ready to get started on your next empowerment course shortly..

    1. Hi Lorna,

      Great that you are enjoying them and that they are helping.

      That’s wonderful that NARP is helping you breakthrough. I’m looking forward to hearing about this in the NARP members forum.

      Keep up the great work Lorna and much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  22. Not too many men commenting here.

    I have been, (till four weeks ago) dealing with a textbook female narcissist. Who also is a non help able alcoholic.
    We lived together for the last three months.
    I HAD to get out.
    It all got much worse when we moved in together.

    The trauma to me is like nothing I have ever experienced before.

    Almost nightly blackout drunk. Extremely verbally abusive, gaslighting me, a harem of ex’s and other men she texted and talked to, locked in the bathroom, drunk.

    I loved her so very much.
    It destroyed me. Isolated me from my daughters and grandchildren.
    I lost work.

    I’ve been NC for the last month. I’ve blocked her everywhere.

    Without a doubt the worst experience of my life.

  23. Hi Melanie, Thank you for enlightening me. I tried for 23 years to give everything I had with my wife continually wanting more no matter what I did. Finally I couldn’t bail her out of her spending problems(I believe she’s a spendaholic) accumulating $200,000 plus in debt at last count(this time). When the money ran out she ran out with 0 remorse, empathy, or accountability. She even gloated about having fun dating her “new supply”. After months of sadness and depression I’m now in a state of “Good Riddance”. Thank you Melanie!

  24. Mel, Excellent video, thank you for sharing. I love them, keep them coming. These truly make a difference.

    WHY as a co-dep I have a need to win? I also know, they are not normal, lacking in compassion and kindness therefore I can’t win against a person like NARC. fairness & reasonableness is not part of NARC makeup. 🙁


    1. Hi Bria,

      I’m so pleased my videos are helping you!

      Bria, it’s because of unconscious triggered wounds that cause you to go back in and try to win. Have you looked at my NARP program ? There is an entire Module – Module 5 – Let Go of Your Need to Win and Get Justice, that works on finding and releasing the specific traumas that are keeping you connected to this.

      It is such a common issue for all of us who’ve been narcissistically abused, and delays our healing until we get to the bottom of it. Every module in NARP addresses the common “binds”, and releases them … that are consistent for virtually everybody – including that one!

      I hope that this helps

      Much Love

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  25. Hello ,
    I am from Sweden . I really like your work. I understand , I have to work with codependent . We lived for 35 years together . It took me so long time to understand . ….I don’t understand how I got the power to leave , but I did 6 years ago .
    I have had real problems whit my ex and still have . I am working on .The sad thing for me has been the relations whit my kids , Our adult children 29, 32 and 35 years old . My grandchildren sees him like à hero . .Its so frustrating.
    I wonder when they Will se the truth . I raised them to always look , what was best for ther father.

    I am the strong person. I have been too strong for my one good .

    Thank you Melanie and bless to all you loving- kind people on this siste


    1. Hi Susanne,

      I’m so pleased that you made your way to my work and that it is helping.

      The real truth is, lovely lady, we cannot make anybody think or feel anything at all. All we can do is heal ourselves and then we find that so much just organically falls in a place. Including how other people behave towards us and other situations in their life.

      Have you come into one of my free webinars yet?

      I highly recommend it for Susanne, because you will find great clarity, relief and healing there.

      Much love to you and your family

      Mel 🙏💕💚

  26. I decree and declare “I am claiming my light that dissolves away your darkness NOW!” IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME! so be it.

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