Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Forgive Yourself For Falling For A Narcissist: Love After Abuse Series

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
43
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

One of the hardest things about recovering from narcissistic abuse is that we have to reconcile with the fact that we put so much of our time, love and resources into someone who wasn’t even real.

You may be carrying a lot of shame about the fact that your life is now in a far worse state, as a result of the relationship.

And worse yet, you may have lost total faith in yourself for making the decisions you did in the past.

I want you to understand this, right from the onset, often even more than having to forgive the narcissist – we have to forgive ourselves. And the irony is: unless we forgive ourselves we can’t forgive and be released from any of this, and we can’t forgive the process and what happened to us.

But how do we truly let go of the shame, forgive and restore trust in ourselves after everything we’ve been through?

How do we reconcile with the past so that we can move forward into the future confidently, enter into new healthy relationships, pursue new careers and passions, and ultimately live a life that brings us joy?

After spending years targeting and releasing toxic shame about falling for a narcissist, I believe there is a way to truly forgive ourselves – and that’s what I’m going to share in today’s Thriver TV episode.

I’m also going to be covering the deeper Quantum Truths about self-forgiveness, that you may not have previously heard, that can instantly grant you a shift once you embrace them.

I’m also very excited to announce that this is also the first episode in a new series called “Love After Abuse” where I will be covering all the most asked for topics in regard to creating healthy love after narcissistic abuse.

I hope with all my heart that this video grants you the tools to TRULY forgive yourself and be released from what they’ve been through.

Also … to help me choose what we are going to be covering in the Love After Abuse series, I’d like to know from you – what are your biggest hurdles in regard to creating healthy love after abuse?

Please let me know in the comments below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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43 Thoughts on How To Forgive Yourself For Falling For A Narcissist: Love After Abuse Series
  • mauldinjohn@hotmail.com'
    Johnny
    November 16, 2017

    Hi, Melanie.

    I’ve watched a few of your videos and took the test. I was a 51. Any tips to move into the healthily narcissistic category?

    Thanks and cheers,

    Johnny

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Johnny,

      That’s great!

      The only tip I really ever have to evolve ourselves (in the most powerful, direct and real way possible) is to do the inner work on releasing and reprogramming our traumas. That’s the NARP work – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Mel xo

  • thelotuspond08@yahoo.com.au'
    Tamara
    November 16, 2017

    I can’t get past the fact that there are men out there, that aren’t narcissists. I have never met one, or been with one. I have no trust in my ability to tell anyway. All narcs are awesome at first, keeping the facade up for a good 12 to 16 months. Then the hammer comes down, when your heart is locked. I finally feel safe, albeit completely alone, my mind is mine, and my emotions are safe.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Tamara,

      and there are much worse things than being alone when we are happy! It’s a myth that we need another to have a fulfilling life – we don’t!

      However, if you ever wanted to reprogram that belief and experience men in a different way – you could.

      Mel xo

  • natyapter@yahoo.com'
    Naty
    November 16, 2017

    Melanie,
    You have been my rock for the last 9 months. Your words touch me so deeply. Thank you so very much for your work. My life and that of my children have truly changed. This episode has specially resonated with me.
    Is there any chance that your videos could have subtitles in French? I know many women who could benefit from your work and words.
    Merci!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Naty,

      I am so pleased I could help you and your children – that is so important to me!

      Aw gosh, one day we do want this work to be released to many different countries including French speaking people.

      Mel xo

      • macdata3@gmail.com'
        d2
        November 27, 2017

        Hi Mel and Naty!

        If you’re watching the videos on Youtube, here’s something you can try if you want to switch languages: go to “Settings” (looks like a little gear at the bottom of the screen next to the “CC” button), click it, then click on “Subtitles/CC”, which will take you to a new screen that will probably indicate that the subtitles are off. Under “Off” with a check mark by it may be the original language of the video you’re watching. Click on that, *then* on auto-translate. (It doesn’t seem to work for me when I go directly to auto-translate, for some reason.) Now, clicking on auto-translate should send you to a screen where you can pick your language.

        This is how it works for me from Germany…hope this helps…

  • pennykorpita@gmail.com'
    Penny
    November 16, 2017

    Hello Melanie and thank you. I look forward to all of your videos. Love after abuse seems frightening to me now and yet at the same time I don’t want to give up. Part of me is having a difficult time letting go of the fantasy of what I had hoped my life was and yes I find the modules very helpful but triggers still come up especially as we near the holidays. I have been on my own for almost 4 months now and I am happy but disappointed even though my life is finally peaceful. One of my biggest challenges is that my ex was also sexually assaulting me and at the end gave me the HSV2 virus so I have a hard time thinking about having an intimate relationship again but also feel too young to give up hope. Can you please address this? I was also wondering if you could address how being raised by a narc mother affects the daughter?
    Ultimately I know for sure that your method and advice has saved my life. I have 2 sons and for them and for me I am so grateful. I feel hopeful and happy again so much of the time that although I have the concerns I mentioned, quite often I feel so content that I wonder if I really have the time or interest that a relationship requires. The thing is, since I have never actually had a healthy and successful partnership I would like to experience it.
    I truly love you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Penny,

      darling lady I am so pleased you have been able to get to peaceful – and I can so understand after what you have been through feeling how you do about new love.

      My heart goes out to you and please know that when we target ‘what hurts” or “what is confusing” in our bodies and simply release all the dense energy on it and bring Source in to replace we start transcending past the block into the joyful evolution, expansion and possibility of our goals.

      Real love comes without condition to all of us, when we believe and are open to it to receive it. Keep releasing all the fears that it can’t be yours and open up and one day I so believe it can be for you. In regard to N mothers did you watch this episode: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-heal-the-wounds-from-narcissistic-mothers/ I hope it can help.

      So much love to you too Penny.

      Mel xo

  • ARVINMVINCENT@GMAIL.COM'
    ARVIN MCINTIRE
    November 16, 2017

    I was married to a narc for 33 years. The way he left was spiritually violent and verbally abusive. He told me he was dating and had his girlfriend, that he dumped shortly after, and had her coming to our house to pick him up for dates while I was there. It was my fault of course because i dint leave my home when he told me to. I have 5 children. He manipulated all of them to the point that my 25-year-old daughter called me and to ask for her father if I wanted to stay with him and his girlfriend of 4 months at her graduation. My kids were mad at me because i said no, and if he wanted me to share a house then why didn’t he call me himself. He was NEVER a son to my oldest. But as soon as I was discarded he was manipulating him to end his relationship with me. He manipulated my son into NOT inviting me to my own son’s wedding. How do I forgive myself for staying so long. So long that he brainwashed my kids to hate me? it is starting

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Arvan,

      my heart goes out to you with the trauma of narcissistic abuse and how it does feel so hard to move past.

      Arvan I would love you to come into my free webinar to find out – how with self-partnering and Quanta Freedom Healing myself and so many other people were able to release the trauma and go free from the “unthinkable” things we had suffered from narcissists as well as what we put ourselves through.

      You can join me in this experience here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel xo

  • wwjohnson60@yahoo.com'
    Bill
    November 16, 2017

    thank you, Melanie. the biggest issues are 1) the questions I have regarding errors that I made, the faults that I contributed (i.e., how do I convince myself that I did my best?). 2) difficulty in being attracted to new relationships.
    She made herself into the perfect mate for me in many ways: affection, cooking together, sports, sensuality, romance, talking, dancing, availability, attentiveness, togetherness, body, attraction, reading together, etc. I have a hard time being attracted to other women now — it seems she is what I want. Also, towards the end I was fretful, confused, trying to get distance, trying to defend myself , trying to explain, trying to point out the hypocrisy and double standards. — during this , I was less than I typically am (not always kind & compassionate). I couldn’t seem to conduct a lucid, rational, balanced, respectful conversation with her. she would attack, impugn, malign, accuse, and finally (toward the end, as I was trying to understand her & ask questions) became very cruel when she abandoned.
    I’m very curious about these things.
    also, how do I know I’ve healed? when can I go dancing again?
    Bless you,
    Bill

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Bill,

      I love your post in so many ways – because it is SO spot on regarding the crazy confusion of having the perfect partner who grows horns and behaves in ways that are not okay – unbearable really – and who also brings out the worst in us and makes us question ourselves as well.

      It is a massive amount to unravel (if we try to logically) and I would suggest it’s going to be important (and very helpful) to unravel it properly before going dancing … or you will meet some lovely ladies that you simply can’t get connected to, and could so easily fall into the spell (one day) of another N woman.

      My only real remedy is doing the inner work to release the traumas and reprogram ourselves. It is normal for men to resist this (and busy women who don’t take time out to do inner work can as well – I was one of these once upon a time too!)

      However if you do that serious work on the inner motor, the results, in every area of your life will be breakthroughs – and if not you risk groundhog day.

      I sound like a broken record sometimes I know – but truly “what else is there to do?”

      Wishing you many blessings and incredible breakthroughs and love Bill.

      Mel xo

  • kjmccracken63@gmail.com'
    Kimberly McCracken
    November 16, 2017

    My biggest hurdle is overcoming a sense of hopelessness and in dealing with the auto-immune disorders which have wreaked havoc on my body and mind.

    Hope you get some A/C soon. Sure would love a dip in the ocean myself. Godspeed Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Kimberly,

      thank you for your best wishes for the swim and AC! That is so sweet of you!

      Have you tried Quanta Freedom Healing to help heal the diseases? I’d love you to come into one of my free webinars and give it a crack … I so believe when we release the trauma that creates the dis-eases that we can reset back wy wellbeing.

      That was my own experience healing an adrenal breakdown that I was told was irreparable- as well as viewing so many others with all sorts become symptom-free.

      Here is the link to experience this: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this can help Kimberley.

      Mel xo

  • susanmwyer@gmail.com'
    sue
    November 16, 2017

    this is a hard one for me even though i get it ..the helplessness is overawelming at times meet men and I’m totally frozen ..i have started retreating into my own world where i do feel safe now it has taken a year get there..but loneliness keeps seeping in …ivestill managed no contact annam trying for another intervention order ..he has been storking my movements .i am an artist and my work keeps me sane…. i want to develop but I’m still held back and frozen by fear

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Sue,

      I understand totally how terrifying it is to imagine connecting with a man after being traumatised,. The release and relief (and empowerment) can come if we address and release and heal the traumas creating the terrified and frozen state.

      I would love you to connect to my free resources to start unravelling and healing all of this. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending blessings and healing your way.

      Mel xo

  • chardem@comcast.net'
    Charlene DeMarco
    November 16, 2017

    Melanie, First, I want to thank you for your videos and emails. You have been a light in my life after my one year relationship with a narcissist. He warned me that he did not want to break my heart. He worked at the same agency that I retired from and my daughter worked with him.
    So, he verbalized heart problems,that his Dr. suggested that he seek psychiatric help and psych. meds. He refused. Since my daughter knew him and used to drive him home then, I thought that he was ok. She told me that he couild not drive related to his hereditary heart condition.
    He told me that he loved me and he meant this from the bottom of his heart. He was in love with a woman that he dated before me. This man talked and seemed to not understand why he felt so, free to tell me his problems in his life. Never hugged a woman for 7 years. He was having so much darn fun and had to talk to me about two issues and never did. This was a platonic relationship and became his therapist. dating was every 2 weeks at a dinner or a movie. He would email and tell me that he was trying to find himself so, this is why I did not hear from him. I should have known and was too slow breaking this off. Thought , that I could help him with prayers and listening. He never got over losing his twin brother 2 years before. Under his breath, he would say I do not want to get close. Stupid , naive me.
    He owned a home in Belize and would go there for 2 weeks . The last time that he went was to be for one week. He returned 2 months later and emailed me that he was back. My daughter’s wedding was the next day and he wanted to be there.
    I decided since he did not communicate from Belize like he told me with love letters and telegrams…. He asked for a meeting in the park so, met him. He told me that he lost his faith, Sue Ellen got married at 63 yrs. old . He had a breakdown in Belize so, his friend Larry & wife met him .
    He was very nasty and cold . He told me that I was like a drug and to give a man two weeks . He would call me for dinner.
    I wrote him an email and told him that our friendship was over and that I understood that he abandoned his friends. Maybe his meds caused him to have relationship problems. I brought the his cards with romantic sayings, ring, shell, hand painted vase, & his oil painting of a sunset and placed them on his porch. Rang the doorbell and I saw him come out and I left.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Charelene,

      you are very welcome.

      The thing I really want to say to you is, have you turned inwards to start healing the pain this is causing you? Because truly that is the way out of the pain.

      This can help you get started: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse.

      I hope this can help.

      Mel xo

  • ingrat@onvol.net'
    Ingrid
    November 16, 2017

    Dear Melanie,
    Thank you for your wonderful work..you kept me alive a few times.
    My narc is a wonderful professor in cardiology adored by the whole island of Malta..he is like a God to all his patients, extremely charming.
    He was after me,him being in a relationship for only one year with someone else. I gave in after 6 months and fell deeply in love with him.
    Guess what in short, he used to disappear and go back to his original partner..this happened 13 times and 13 times I took him back. The last time I took him back after me going no contact for 7 months we got engaged to be married..He discarded me again and is back with his previous lover once again..this was the 14th discard.
    I was broken, on the ground yet again. The pain is indescribable. the worst hurt is that it feels I never existed! we lived togther for 6 years during all this trauma. I lost my mother 8 months ago..and my hair.
    thank you with all my heart Melanie xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 16, 2017

      Hi Ingrid,

      please know you are welcome and I am so happy that I can help.

      Awww gosh you poor love …

      Ingrid please take this journey deeper now to reaching, releasing and reprograming these inner traumas. That’s the NARP work – its time.

      I would never have even lived if it hadn’t been for that work, and I believe you need it too. There are young traumas in there that are unconsciously causing you this terrible trauma as well as you handing over power again and again (as I did too) and enough is enough …

      Biggest hug and condolences regarding losing your Mum Ingrid.

      So wishing you relief, healing and freedom from this.

      Mel xo

  • penny.white@outlook.com'
    Penny
    November 16, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    It has been so difficult for me to understand in heart and mind what self forgiveness is and what i really means because I believe that I have only understood it from a conditional perspective rather than what you have delivered in your video. Life has placed me in a situation now where I have to heal and I am facing my darkest most difficult parts which is showing up as resentment towards my mother who I have recently come to realize had a mental illness and her own trauma. I can see so many of the unhealed aspects in both of my parents and in my family line and personally within myself because I have been on red alert since I can remember and have attracted much abuse into my life. Now life has said no more you need to heal and self partner and forgive because all is happening in divine order so that I can heal it. I seem to have attracted many people now in my life at 40 who are helping me from all walks of life even though I am suffering the symptoms of trauma and I am not in my body so to speak. I will use module 3 as you have suggested but it’s funny how our mind wants to conceptualize this and treat the process like a process rather than an expression of the soul needing to heal its wounded parts lovingly.

    Thank you,
    Penny

  • julesbrandes@gmail.com'
    Julianne
    November 16, 2017

    Just want to thank you SO MUCH Melanie, for reaching out and giving your ALL to try to help us people out here who feel like we are drowning, alone. You are throwing us a life preserver! I absolutely love you and can see it in your eyes that you are a sensitive soul who has been hurt. It makes so much sense to me, your mantra about thriving because “there’s nothing else to do!” That is absolutely brilliant! I repeat it to myself constantly. I am a Flight Attendant for an American airline, constantly looking for “grounding”. I looked to the wrong person (a full on narcissistic Los Angeles attorney) for 10 years. He used to say “don’t believe your EYES, believe ME.” 🤔 I am now recovering, and per your advice, finding grounding WITHIN, and not WITHOUT! He left me in a very tough spot, physically, emotionally, and professionally. Some people say “there are no victims, only volunteers” and sometimes I believe it is true. I was a gullible believer but am not stupid, I saw ALL the signs, thus I blame myself for this trouble. Thank you for validating forgiveness, no matter what. You are a ray of shining light. I am very grateful.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Julianne,

      please know you are very welcome and thank you for your beautiful words. I am so pleased the mantra resonates with you.

      Wishing you incredible healing and blessings Julianne.

      Mel xo

  • snroses@gmail.com'
    Sarah
    November 16, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Thank you so much for your program. I have been using it for a few years now. Although I have worked through what seems to be a mountain of childhood trauma, I still find that some areas of my life are still blocked, and sometimes I know that something needs shifting but I just cannot put my finger on the issue, and as you say, unless we are prepared to face it we can’t heal it.
    I find every now and again something that I thought I had worked through pops up again, so I release again.
    I find I’m getting very good at spotting the narcs in my workplace and in other situations and although I am not rude, I do avoid them when possible.
    One question I have is, did you have the challenge of knowing the truth conceptually, but just waiting for the heart knowing breakthrough?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Sarah,

      it’s my pleasure. Please know when you can’t quite put your finger on it – even if you go into your body and just “be” with the dense energy – even if you get no “information” you will still claim it and shift it with the Module work.

      If there feels like “blocks” then just target the block by intention and do the same thing – and you will release it. I understand your question and if I was not able to embody it – I would target the trauma in my body not allowing me to – shift that out and then I can.

      Does this help?

      Mel xo

  • yamsmams69@yahoo.co.uk'
    rachel austin
    November 17, 2017

    hi wow this was really powerful & so much needed; especially the mantra..which i have written down. in terms of loving again ( one day, not yet !) is trusting or knowing that we havent -yet again- been drawn to a narc? thanks you again for an amazing video

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Rachel,

      I am so pleased this helps.

      Loving again starts with loving ourselves enough to show up in our authenticity. Then we will clear the path of those who are not capable of real love and generate lives with those who are.

      Mel xo

  • jhmenzies@btinternet.com'
    Janet
    November 17, 2017

    This episode came along at just the right moment. I have entered a relationship with a nice, normal, imperfect guy. He’s stressed at work just now and being a bit distant. When my narcissistic abuser was in that kind of situation he would eventually be physically violent. Now I’m afraid my new man will do the same thing, and it will be a repetition which will be my fault. I begin to see that by forgiving myself I can trust myself not to allow things to repeat, and also trust the new man to behave normally. I also have allowed myself to fully access my feelings about the violence, and how scared I was. I feel more conscious and stronger as a result of letting myself experience how frightened I was.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Janet,

      it is great that you are embracing that fear because then you can heal it, and absolutely when we are self-partnered and orientated in living ourselves we will not allow that again.

      Keep up the good work 🙂

      Mel xo

  • simone@boehning.net'
    Simone Langer
    November 17, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    thank you so much for this beautiful mantra. I think this is really helpful.
    I’ve been struggling with forgiveness for quite a while now. I even went back to module one to release the anger that comes up eveytime I work with module 3. I guess it just takes as long as it takes. Sometimes I think I will never be able to forgive my father. Thank you for telling us over and over again that with Quanta Freedom Healing you have to accept what is and that everthing is in divine order.

    How can I get the ebook on forgiveness?

    Thank you so much, Melanie, you have a beautiful heart!

    Love,
    Simone

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Simone,

      it’s my pleasure Dear Lady – please know you will get there. With the Module 1 shifts, I would suggest targeting the blocks / traumas that are not allowing you to forgive.

      To access all the eBooks with NARP, as well as Community Forum access, which is so helpful – you can email support@melanietoniaevans.com to upgrade from Silver to Gold. If you already have a gold membership – please contact support and they will resend you the eBook links!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • darbypie@gmail.com'
    Kaye
    November 17, 2017

    The negative thoughts that I keep coming back to when I try to forgive myself have a lot to do with my own codependency and the fear that I’m wrong about him, and he just wasn’t the right person for me. When I look back on the relationship, though, I can see so many signs. I recognize the feeling that this person was so much like me that I’d never felt like I’d understood another human being so much (or been so understood) is not correct. He pretended to understand. He is capable of acting like a functional, empathetic person, but he cannot sustain it. The cognitive dissonance and the fear that I’m really the problem cripple me sometimes, though I haven’t spoken to him in weeks, and I’m determined not to have any sort of relationship with him ever again.

    Part of what starts me wondering whether it’s all my fault is that his new “main supply” is the one that he went to after me. He returned to her after our latest game of cat-and-mouse, and he appears so happy with her. Things seem different with her. His friends and family like her, and they’ve been together much longer than he usually is with other people. He seems to have broken some of his patterns with her, and that scares me.

    How do I forgive myself for waffling back and forth so much? I get stuck in the pain and convincing myself that it’s all my fault, though I snap out of it after a few days, and I don’t contact him, and I have him blocked on everything. I compare myself to her and wonder why she’s better “supply” than me, though I can’t base my self-worth on whether I’m good “supply” for him. I question everything so much, and sometimes I resent shifting, because I feel like I’m doing something that I’m told that I’m supposed to do, but I don’t always want to do it, so it reminds me of when he raped me or pulled me in just by looking at me while I tried to resist and kept saying no. Am I doing it wrong? How do I forgive myself and up-level when shifting hurts so much that I get so angry? Why am I so angry?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 17, 2017

      Hi Kaye,

      My heart goes out to you in this confusion – it is so hard when we don’t have clarity and relief yet. Are you in the NARP Forum getting help and support – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ? I think that is so important for you right now.

      The anger and resistance are wounds and the pain felt in shifting it to do with beliefs you haven’t been able to reach and shift yet. And to unravel and work through those it really is going to take some diligent feeling in and sharing on the forum by you – so that Thrivers and Moderators or myself can work in deeply with you to help you find the related traumas and beliefs so that you can shift them and be freed from them.

      I really believe that is the way forward for you Kaye and I hope this helps give you some hope.

      Mel xo

  • Charaln71@gmail.com'
    Nina
    November 17, 2017

    Hi Mel

    Thank you

    The most important person in my life is me
    Only when I realised this did I start to feel free
    My creator makes me feel worthy
    Deep spirituality

    Love your neighbour as yourself
    You cannot love anyone
    Until you love yourself first
    Love yourself enough to forgive yourself

    I’m no longer numb
    I am self aware
    My emotions are wonderful
    They make me me

    People treat us
    The way we allow them to treat us
    I’m in control of my life
    I dictate who I let in

    My life isn’t perfect
    But I’ve connected with my creator
    I feel overbrimming joy
    In an imperfect world

    We cannot be happy
    Without acknowledging our spirituality
    Working on ourselves
    To build our self confidence

    Let it be

  • smlasp2@verizon.net'
    Mary
    November 18, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    I think this is the most eloquent way of expressing life’s meaning and purpose. Sometimes it seems to make no sense at all and I get stuck in feelings of victimhood or resentment, anger etc. That is punishing myself and it is a vortex of negativity, almost a gravitational pull downwards. But this is a choice and I can choose how I want to be regardless of others actions, insensitivities, blindness and so forth. I love the mantra you have shared. Profound and powerful. Thank-you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 18, 2017

      Hi Mary,

      thank you and I am so pleased this resonates with you.

      Please know it does get so much easier to hold our space in this higher vibration when the trauma is released from within. It is the trapped internal trauma which keeps pulling us back down.

      Have you accessed my free resources to learn how to be released from that? This may help Mary – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel xo

  • margarit72@aol.com'
    Jane
    November 18, 2017

    Dear Mel,
    Apologies for it not bring related to the topic but this question just popped in my mind:
    I wonder if you could do a TV show or an article on why do people become narcissistic ? How and why do they start to develop such tendencies and how do narcissistic tendencies become a full blow NPD ? Does it always start happening in childhood ?
    I’m curious because my ex Narc has the most emphatic, loving parents but I’m wondering if they had very lax bounderies with him in his childhood and that’s how he developed it.
    Thanks always.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 18, 2017

      Hi Jane,

      please know we are always welcoming new topics! I love the idea for that topic – and will certainly put it to the team – thank you for sharing.

      Mel xo

      • margarit72@aol.com'
        Jane
        November 18, 2017

        Thanks, Mel :))

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Meg
    November 28, 2017

    Great question! And so many of you are saying things that I do or have related with in the past. I don’t know what the beginning of a healthy romantic relationship looks like – because anything I have ever partnered with and felt “I just know they are right for me” etc. has always ended up being an angel in disguise. I have tried dating people that are not my usual type. I have tried dating people and letting go of all my worries. I have had checklists. No matter what – I kept on partnering with narcissist after narcissist – even though they would look completely different on the surface. The narcissists I run into have given me signs early on that I dismiss – and then think back about them later and see those signs as clear evidence, but at the time they felt more grey. I have not been interested in a relationship for a long time. I know there is a certain amount of fear there and the thought of dealing with all of the consequences if they turned out to be yet another narc. However, it feels like there is something else holding me back and I don’t have any idea what it is yet.

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