Melanie Tonia Evans

Why Don’t People Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Why don’t people commonly heal from Narcissistic Abuse?

Why are people usually only managing their symptoms rather than healing their trauma which is causing the symptoms?

Wouldn’t it make so much more sense to do that?

Is it possible?

These are all questions that I grant you the Quantum answers to in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.

I sooooo hope this Thriver Tv episode can help you understand that the “unseen” is real and totally impactful in our life, and 100% can be healed!

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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30 Thoughts on Why Don’t People Heal From Narcissistic Abuse
    Michelle Hayes
    October 4, 2016

    Hello.I really want to do the Quantum Therapy but do you have a student price.Thankyou,Michelle.

      October 4, 2016

      Dear Melanie, I have learned so very much from your work over the last few months and feel that I am in a much better place, but that I still need to go deeper into the wounds in order to heal. I am conscious of many facts about my early life that would have made me susceptible to the abuse that occurred, but knowledge is not the same as knowing, of being present to those wounds. I have experienced some deep shifts but have come to what I can only describe as level where it feels too compacted to break into. I am hoping that the Quantum Therapy will help and just need some encouragement to take this step. I think what holds me back is the fear that what I have rationalised to be forms of abandonment, emotional unavailability and critical parenting are only the tip of something more insidious, and I am concerned about the affect it will have on the relationship with my parents. My father lost his mother at the age of 4 and was subsequently abused by his stepmother, plus issues surrounding my own mother’s wounds make it clear to me how I ended up in an abusive relationship that lasted for 25 years. I walked away from that only 3 months ago and am determined to thrive! Just need this last push… X

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        October 5, 2016

        Hi Kathe,

        That is great that you feel that you are in a better place.

        It is so true that knowledge is not the same as embodying shifts – there is a big difference.

        Naturally I am going to recommend QFH, for so many reasons. I really don’t know what else to tell you other than I consider it is “the way” to get to deep seated trauma to shift it.

        I guess, the truth is – you have to try to experience that for yourself, and all the support systems, money back guarantees and all else that come with NARP, are there for you to succeed, and also to try at no financial risk.

        The results are also clearly evident right across the board within this Community.

        Reviews speak for themselves.

        The only reason anyone doesn’t succeed with QFH is they don’t pull on the incredible support of the NARP Community, and / or they don’t commit to themselves.

        Please know EVERY relationship in our life transforms for the truth and the best – when we clean up the essential relationship with ourselves (commit to releasing ourselves from internal trauma to become our True Self).

        I wish you all the best with your inevitable – if you commit to you – Thriver Recovery Kathe.

        Mel xo

          October 5, 2016

          Hi Mel, thank you so much for your response, it really means a great deal that you have taken your time to reply personally 🙂 You are quite an inspiration!
          I got to thinking, really even as I wrote earlier, that the relationship with my parents will undoubtedly transform for the best..I only have to look at how much it has evolved already from the shifts in me that have taken place so far… Up to this point deep truths have served me well and so I have every reason to trust in this process. This sticking point is beginning to feel like an invitation to get more curious and enjoy the challenge!
          Many thanks for the nudge 🙂 K

          October 10, 2016

          Melanie,l am hearing impaired and find myself a magnet for the narcissist,where re the subtitles?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Michelle,

      that is great that you are considering Quanta Freedom Healing. The QFH Modules are in the NARP Program, and it has payment options that are very affordable

      If necessary, you can also email and explain your financial situation.

      No-one who desires working with QFH is denied the ability to.

      I hope this helps

      Mel xo

    October 4, 2016

    thank you again Melanie for your gracious spirit 🙂
    So few people in my life give me the gift of transforming my own tears 🙂
    I wonder if you have any thoughts on how to co-habit with an ageing dependant narc mother ( 80 years old )
    maybe five rules to follow or a relevant video of yours ?
    Also, what do you think about this point ?
    The light spirit reveals, in relationship, with the dark. An eternal yin yang circle. one prodding the other.

    The wind of light turns the leaves over, unsettles the hedgehog of doom 🙂

    love your spirit Mel, thank you …/\…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Tim,

      it is my pleasure 🙂

      This video of mine my help you with this topic.

      Absolutely in this reality of “duality” the light and the darkness dance together.

      The darkness is pushing the wounds up “to the light of day” to heal.

      At this point of human evolution – the darkness is doing an incredible service.

      Because the more darkness we release, the more room inside there is for light.

      Every wound we up-level releases energy that was being tied up in battling the darkness … which is then available for love, joy, inspiration and creativity.

      That is what becoming free is all about.

      That is Who are True Self really is.

      Unwounded …

      Mel xo

        October 5, 2016

        Hi Mel.
        thank you 🙂
        I wake up and I am with the one
        gentle and strong


    Irma Francis
    October 5, 2016

    Hi Mel. Thank you for all that you are doing. I have followed you for awhile and have your program. I think there is a difference between emotions and feelings. I think that feelings are connected to our true & authentic self/Soul. Emotions seem to be ego based. Since the majority of people in western society are acting from ego they are emoting and reinacting by projecting their past over the present. Just another way of saying a large percentage of people are not conscious…not present. It took me a long time in my life to understand this and how it was playing out in my life. This brought me into the realization that when you are in a place of feeling, presence, soul, and love…..the percentage of people that are there with you is very low. So there can be a sense of being alone. This is ok because eventually you begin to meet others who live in the same dimension as you but you do have to be willing to be alone until you begin to meet those others. This does not mean isolation, it means consciously choosing not to abandon your true self. Could you do some videos on the importance of feeling and the differences between feeling, emoting and thought?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Irma,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      Yes I agreed, if we want to get technical … wounds which are triggers are the signal telling us there is a wound behind the trigger.

      However some people may categorise emotions as “positive” or “negative”. Saying that love, inspiration and creativity are positive “emotions”.

      Really what is so important for all of us is to EMBRACE and love ourselves for the good and the bad and the ugly … going one inside us – so that we do turn inwards to go to our wounded parts to love, embrace, claim and up-level them .. instead of judging them, running from them, projecting them or trying to shut them up by self-medicating them.

      To me … it is really not important to get over-technical with definitions.

      To me it is this simple … “Replace the Fear with Love”.

      Meaning go inside to all and every trigger to load up, release the associated trauma, and replace it with Source (Love).

      That is the winning formula to change our Life beyond description and means we do NOT have to try to logically work it, formulate or even categorise anything.

      We simply organically BEcome all that we seek.

      Namely … love, flow, wholeness, courage, truth and inspiration. We work with life instead of against it – and Life in all its forms starts to flourish and nourish us because we start to match “Source”.

      This also brings about a flow into your Life of other people who are meeting you at this level.

      Truly – people “not being conscious” is a painful belief that requires up levelling.

      I promise …. I used to have all sorts of limiting beliefs about other humans, and people close to me being “incapable of being conscious” – and I was living a very “alone” life.

      Since healing those, my Life is filled with scores of gorgeous, incredible people who I am having deeply soul connected, authentic , loving relationships with.

      And these people are on the SAME page – growing and healing and expanding!!


      Nothing changed “out there”, I changed “in there” and THEN it all changed … often with me leading the way and people rising up to meet me at that vibration – organically – NOT because I needed them to be to be whole.

      Simply by me vowing to BE love, and honesty and truth in their life – because that is what a GOOD friend does. And choosing to unconditionally love them anyway – knowing my wholeness does NOT depend on what they do or don’t choose.

      My wholeness is between me and Source only.

      But … it took many shifts on my wounds on this topic to get to this level – and THEN I just be-came it.

      You will find the same if you realise “your Universe” is all coming from inside you – and that is the only thing you need to change.

      Then your attraction point changes, and then you start showing up in ways that flourish and nourish relationships that inspire / generate “more of that”.

      When we are in the beliefs of “others” that are limiting, then how we show up and what we generate is a TOTAL match for “more of that”.

      I hope this helps and brings it all back to simple truth for you.

      Mel xo

        Hope (forumname Piñata)
        October 6, 2016

        A very good, interesting point has been brought up here by Irma and I absolutely LOVE Melanie’s reply, full of wisdom from her own spiritual evolution and explaining things in her usual brilliant way.
        That brought more clarity for me personally and showed me a new direction for further shiftwork. Thanks to both of you.

        I always enjoy reading the Blog articles and even more so to find such gems in the comments section!!

    October 5, 2016

    I feel like I AM HEALED! But I also understand there is no finish line. Many people and practices have helped me along the way. Melanie’s influence has helped by teaching me to make my inner child a guide in my life. This has been essential.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      HI JC,

      there is NO finish line …

      And would we want there to be?

      How boring!

      I love the fact that growth is eternal … because then we get the fun and thrill of constant expanding.

      Which emulates the Universe and all of creation.

      It IS what we are here to do – hence why it feels so great!

      Mel xo

        October 5, 2016

        Absolutely, no finish line, no trophies—but I’ll take the confetti! 🙂

    October 5, 2016

    Dear Melanie, you mentioned something I would like to elaborate on, that is the question whether we love ourselves enough to heal the wounds. Now, my problem is this: I do believe your modules work, I have experienced that. And I do believe in the LOA and quantum mechanics and in general in your whole philosophy ( even in the past lives, I acknowlegde reincarnation). But despite all of that I find it extremaly, horribly difficult to actually sit down and do the modules. I would love to hear some comments on why that is and perhaps some advice how to battle this immense resistance. I actually thought, listening to this show, that perhaps I don’t love myself enough to let myself heal with the modules. If that’s the case, what could I do?

    I must stress again that it’s not the lack of belief that’s holding me back nor the lack of need for the healing ( I do really need to upgrate and evolve, my life is diminished on several levels). So is it the lack of love, or the feeling of not being worthy of getting healed?

    Whatever it is, I want to change this! And I’ll appreciate the advice very much…


      October 5, 2016

      Hi Anna 🙂
      So, your point ‘ love ourselves enough ‘. When I sat with Melanie’s video ‘ 30 Aug 2015 healing demonstration ‘ I fell deeply into it because I have, in years past, learnt trance, NLP meditations, to release myself into the voice of instruction. Also, and this is key for me, I didn’t love / understand / like / appreciate myself enough and I felt a knot in my stomach that I knew was a karmic shock / wound bought on by a recent narc relationship. I know and trust my gut that Melanie is a wonderful spirit healer and she is a classy powerful chick 😉 well researched and compassionate ( you know 🙂 …I’m waffling ) but also following Byron Katie’s ‘ the work ‘ and other multi theological understanding, mindfulness, the Dao, etc, I believe I understand now, that one can shine the lamp too hard and lose it’s finish, or, a little too much salt in the stew, sort of over expecting results ? I don’t know , does that make sense ?
      I know my inner light shines more stable now, I hope I haven’t confused or missed your point 🙂
      love and respect Tim …/\…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Anna,

      My answer to this is the same for all our blocks …

      We need to go inside and find the root of it and up-level it, or it will always be there.

      The real truth is Anna, only you can stand up to you and do that.

      When we have had enough of the pain – there is actually nothing else to do.

      By choosing that … you will get to the bottom of it, release it in Module Work and then be free of it.

      So this really means … tolerating however minutes of standing up to yourself, pushing through to make that happen …. with the upside of a lifetime of potential freedom.

      Which REALLY is worth crawling across a paddock of broken glass – let alone being with and standing up to uncomfortable resistant feelings …

      The truth is sometimes we need to get to the point of “there is no other choice” … hopefully you don’t leave it that long.

      Also please know in the NARP Forum there is a team of angels there to hold you hand to help you do this …

      This I do know (because I used to be so resistant too!) … once you start meeting your resistant feelings and doing the work with QFH (instead of leaving trauma in your body) you will wonder WHY on earth you didn’t do this earlier.

      Too much of an awesome Life is passing you by without you being in the flow of it.

      I hope this helps put it into perspective for you.

      Mel xo

    October 5, 2016

    Dear Melanie,
    Thanks for your efforts. I’m feeling much more clarification on my situation. I started out in a family, friends, community members full of disordered people like this. Finally, a scenario that was so blatent that I could not help but notice it occurred. That’s when I looked around the internet and found you. I literally had no clue that my life was different. I thought it was my eccentric brother being himself. etc. etc. Every once in a while someone would pop up out of the fog I was in and say, “But this isn’t normal, etc.’ The distressing thing is that I am in my 70’s. I definitely don’t want this to be with me when I die.

    Then the epigenetic thing occurred. Passing all this down to my beloved grandchildren etc. No, no no.
    I went no contact with the last episode of 6 months in January of 2015. I discovered who else was problematic in my life and went no contact with friends, other family, acquaintences, which brought much relief. Then by March I got some sort of full body inflammatory response, so painful. By May plantar faschiitis and could hardly walk. So back to Quantum healing, diet, sleep etc. I went within and discovered all the painful places and loved them. In my recollections I also discoved many beautiful events in my life concerning music too. Then I began to attract events, places and people who are loving and kind.

    I’m also learning what I still need to do. I am learning that I don’t tolerate a lot of loving kindness yet. I couldn’t believe that the other day I had to resist the urge to physically run and/or retort harshly. Melanie, I love this young, passionate classical musician grownup person like my own Grand son. I sat in recollection recalling many of the times I had done this to my loved ones in the past. So hard, so hard. Today I noticed much less body pain. And the story continues with my starting my own music lessons, again to try and regain my musical passion and depth which has long since been buried. thanks for hearing this.

      October 5, 2016

      Hi Mistea1
      I know this post of yours isn’t directed to me but , you know, we read each other.
      I feel nervous how you might respond, so I’m breathing mindfully and I believe because I do believe in understanding with love, you will feel it and I wish you well.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Mistea1,

      It’s my pleasure!

      I am so thrilled you committed to your Inner Being and are experiencing such a shift in your Life now!

      Keep going, dear lady.

      Just release and up-level every trigger that appears, because your are SO on the right track.

      And Life is unfolding to meet you as your True Self – who you uncovering and BEcoming more and more.

      Bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

    Metal Rabbit
    October 5, 2016

    One of the reasons I don’t sign on is because I can’t stand being under the pressure of writing assignments. Not a good bs’er.

    Helen Bruce
    October 5, 2016

    Hi Mel. Looking great. One of the major shifts that I have experienced by doing the modules was that I have become much more selective with the people that I choose to connect with. If they are toxic in any way at all, I am “out of there” immediately. When I look back at all the crap I tolerated needlessly, I realized that I was hoping that something from the outside would come along and fix the problem. Then I saw that the fixing can only happen from the inside out. Thanks once again Mel. Lots of love, Helen 🙂

    October 7, 2016

    How do I stop beating myself up for my horrible behavior in my last relationship? I have never acted that way with another person, ever. It horrifies me, and I can’t seem to stop the regret and feeling even more unlovable.

    October 13, 2016

    I like the articles I have read so far! I can’t seem to find though a description of your professional credentials, licenses and certifications that make you an expert? Please point me in the right place on your website. Is what you write based on research and training or just personal experience? -Molly

    October 13, 2016

    The narcissists game is: “You are worthless! Now, let me tell you what you can do for me.”
    And the idea is that you are not to gain anything in return, except maybe they will ease up on you a bit, give you a little breathing room, and that is the reward, a let up of the emotional and psychological abuse and oppression. The narc wants you to be at a constant emotional and psychological deficit. It is like they are suffocating you and your reward is when they let you breathe. If you have not grown up experiencing this, then you will react with a primitive startle reaction and response when someone tests you to see if they can get away with submitting you to abuse. If you grew up under an oppressive environment, then it is like someone flattened and obliterated your natural defensive reaction. When someone tests me, if I let it go, they immediately have an ego inflation reaction and they really go on the attack. However, if they test me and I throw it back in the offense back in their face, they usually walk away very quickly, because they do not want anyway gaining power at their expense, they know the game, they have played it all their life. In order to understand the payoff they are receiving for their foul anti human behavior, it can be instructive to do back to them what they are trying to do to you.

    October 13, 2016

    The Good Book says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
    If someone tries to abuse you, then you should do unto them as THEY have instructed you to.
    Give it right back!

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