How You Can Work With Pain To Avoid Suffering

All of us know about suffering and pain.

There is so much of it in narcissistic relationships.

In fact it is synonymous with narcissistic abuse, and the aftershock of abuse.

I would really like you, though, to understand what pain and suffering really is.

Pain is inevitable; it is a part of life. Emotional pain occurs in our life when something occurs that is not to our liking. Pain happens when the ‘what is’ is not what ‘we want it to be’. Continue reading “How You Can Work With Pain To Avoid Suffering”

The Confusion of Attraction and Love

Do you know what one of my hardest jobs being a healer is?

Let me tell you…

It is convincing women that the man they lost is not a loss…

How can I do this when women have the gut wrenching feeling “How will I ever feel as attracted to anyone else as I DID to him?” Continue reading “The Confusion of Attraction and Love”

Taking Personal Responsibility – Your #1 Tool To Get Your Recovery Started

 

This topic may lose some of you – and truly, that is okay because even though this is the case, it will also “find” many of you – in that you will have the ability to totally find yourself, pick up the key and turn it to create true relief and the happy, fulfilling life you really want to live.

One defining factor that creates healing, more than any other, is Taking Personal Responsibility for what happened to you.

This is the part where you may feel intense triggers and even get incensed by the next thing I will say. Still, I challenge you to hang in there, and read further, because if you do – you may have an incredible shift that finally will release you from the pain.

So I urge you to stay with me, even though every fibre of your body may resist doing so.

Okay, this part may shake up your anger and make you feel like throttling me, but it is all the same here.

 

Personal Responsibility is about acknowledging and wanting to heal. It means identifying and accepting: What about me has attracted, maintained and allowed this abuse in my life to occur?

 

Some of you may already be in this place and are working on yourself and gaining great relief and empowerment. I am happily connected to many of you, other clients and individuals who are growing, healing and embracing the creation of wonderful new lives daily.

OR,

You may be a person who feels indignant in these comments; you may feel like I am blaming you and somehow saying, “You asked to be abused”, and as a result, you may feel you will never, ever take responsibility for that.

You may even send me an angry email telling me your incensed feelings. That’s okay if you do – I do occasionally receive them.

 

 

Why Do We Stay Stuck in the Pain of Victimhood?

Okay, I’ll offer my point-blank observations (not my imaginings). You can also research to clarify what I will say.

People who have not as yet done the shift into taking Personal Responsibility feel victimised, intense pain, repetitively feel the same pain, obsessive thoughts, and addictive pulls, as well as a myriad of other anguished, stuck and agonising feelings over and over again.

Whereas people who take Personal Responsibility start moving away from this position.

There are good reasons for the difference; no matter how you turn it over and look at it, the simple facts remain the same. People who have not taken Personal Responsibility don’t move through the healing stages because they are stuck in resentment and pain due to resisting the “acceptance” of what happened.

They hold the position: I will never accept what happened to me – it was wrong and a horrible mistake.

The following excerpts show you that Acceptance is a crucial aspect of healing.

 

Powerless versus Powerful

People who take Personal Responsibility move through resentment and pain to acceptance much more quickly.

They flow forward into:

I will accept that what happened to me was a perfect part of my journey to firm up and heal my unhealed parts that allowed and participated in this. Even though it was tough and painful, it was “right” because I needed this experience to heal.

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel powerless to create love, joy, happiness and freedom.

They hold the position: Because I had nothing to do with what happened to me, my well-being depends on what you did or didn’t do to me. Now I have no hope of fixing this myself; the only solution is YOU fixing it for me.

Which, of course, a narcissist is never going to do (or really anyone else, for that matter).

People who do take Personal Responsibility feel powerful in their own lives, in their ability to create love, joy, happiness and freedom.

They flow forward into:

Because I had everything to do with what happened to me, I can change myself and my experiences to re-create a life much more to my liking. This does not depend on what you do or don’t choose to do.

 

Unconditional Love And Acceptance

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility don’t love and unconditionally accept themselves, and try to hide their vulnerable/broken / “not right” parts from others (as well as themselves), and keep attracting people into their life that keep exposing these parts to them, and consequently experience people who don’t love, support and accept them for who they are unconditional.

They hold the position: There is nothing wrong with me; it was his / her / their fault, and I was the victim. Now I am upset and angry that people keep coming into my life who are also “wrong” and keep hurting me.

People who take Personal Responsibility learn to love and unconditionally accept themselves.

They flow forward into:

I’m human, I have faults, and as a result of not having good boundary function, love and respect for myself in the past, other people were supplying “more of that,” and I continued to allow it, and I took on their issues and made it about me. Now that I am committed to learning to accept, support, encourage and love myself unconditionally, I can choose people and experiences that will contribute to this rather than participating in and staying attached to abuse.

 

Obsession Versus Realisation

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility have fixations and obsessions regarding the person who “did them wrong” and can’t seem to move past the thoughts and feelings about “What if’s,” “What went wrong,” and “What I could have done differently?” “If only he/she had changed,” “How can someone behave like that?” and all the other tormented thoughts, intense regrets, devastation and disappointments regarding how they lost the future they thought they would have with this person.

They hold the position: You were meant to be “the one,” it was meant to work, and because it didn’t, my life now feels shattered, painful and devastated. I may never recover from this and feel like I can’t move on.

People who do take Personal Responsibility flow forward into the realisations:

You were always meant to be in my life for me to heal, and we weren’t meant to be a relationship; it was for me to heal unfinished business so that I could create a real relationship. Now that I have accepted this as truth, I can take the gift (this awareness and the key to my healing), work on myself and get creative, excited and empowered about the real life and love I can now create.

 

Limited Versus Unlimited

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel limited. They believe that they may never experience love again, that their opportunity is missed, and that they are too old, not attractive enough, not worthy or lovable.

People who do take Personal Responsibility feel unlimited. They know they are love, they believe in love, and they can sense and feel their alignment with it in their future. They understand that the soul truth of love has no logical, age or aesthetic restrictions and is created from self-love, self-acceptance and self-worthiness from the inside out.

 

Positive and Negative Emotions

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel intense pain, anger, and sorrow and, as a result, experience resentment, injustice and revenge. They remain toxically enmeshed and obsessively stuck in the past.

People who take Personal Responsibility feel relief, joy, exhilaration, perfection and gratitude. They are released from their past and move forward into freedom, joy and new creations.

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel stuck and victimised

People who do take Personal responsibility feel free and liberated

People who don’t take Personal Responsibility feel fear.

People who do take Personal responsibility feel love.

Now who are you?

Which kind of person do you want to be?

 

Conclusion

Even if you have not taken responsibility for years (or possibly a lifetime), you can alter and choose to be the person you want to be.

After all, this is what taking personal responsibility is all about. You have a choice in this eternal moment, and that is all there truly is. Who do you want to be, and what do you want to start creating now?

Is there some part of you deep inside that feels this can be possible, and is your soul right to do so? If so, I’d love to help you.

You can read all about NARP by clicking on this link.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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