Melanie Tonia Evans

Recent Posts

6 Steps To Regaining Your Health After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It today’s article I want to share with you the 6 steps I took to regain my health after narcissistic abuse, and how to apply them in your life in order for you to achieve a full Thriver Recovery too. Please note these steps are applicable after we have created No Contact (or strict Modified Contact). Because the truth is: if you are still in contact and can’t break away, or at the very least powerfully detach in order to focus on yourself and heal, then you are continually being abused and violated. All the energy you will be expending trying to survive (or obsessing about what is happened) is draining your life-force, meaning it is not available to love and heal yourself back to wholeness. If you haven't yet signed up to my Free 16-day Recovery Course you can do so now and receive my How To Do No Contact eBook for free, as well as many other...

 

It today’s article I want to share with you the 6 steps I took to regain my health after narcissistic abuse, and how to apply them in your life in order for you to achieve a full Thriver Recovery too.

Please note these steps are applicable after we have created No Contact (or strict Modified Contact). Because the truth is: if you are still in contact and can’t break away, or at the very least powerfully detach in order to focus on yourself and heal, then you are continually being abused and violated. All the energy you will be expending trying to survive (or obsessing about what is happened) is draining your life-force, meaning it is not available to love and heal yourself back to wholeness.

If you haven’t yet signed up to my Free 16-day Recovery Course you can do so now and receive my How To Do No Contact eBook for free, as well as many other helpful resources.

How To Spot A Spiritual Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Spiritual narcissism is one of the most confusing, insidious and dangerous types of narcissistic abuse. Gosh, even I fell for it twice! Narcissists gravitate towards areas where A-grade narcissistic supply is easy to obtain; frighteningly, many of them realise how being in a position of authority, via spirituality or religion, is the perfect way to be above reproach and have a free ticket to mine people for acclaim, attention, and resources. Even if you haven't encountered a spiritual narcissist before, they can be incredibly difficult to read, as well as incredibly alluring. And naturally, this can be a big trap after your first narcissistic abuse experience, when you want to seek out people who are more spiritually connected and conscious. (more…)

 

Spiritual narcissism is one of the most confusing, insidious and dangerous types of narcissistic abuse.

Gosh, even I fell for it twice!

Narcissists gravitate towards areas where A-grade narcissistic supply is easy to obtain; frighteningly, many of them realise how being in a position of authority, via spirituality or religion, is the perfect way to be above reproach and have a free ticket to mine people for acclaim, attention, and resources.

Even if you haven’t encountered a spiritual narcissist before, they can be incredibly difficult to read, as well as incredibly alluring.

And naturally, this can be a big trap after your first narcissistic abuse experience, when you want to seek out people who are more spiritually connected and conscious.

How I Evolved My Relationships With Family And Friends

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I remember a time, several years after I had cleared an immense amount of trauma from my past relationships, being in a place where I felt like I had truly made it. I was no longer carrying any shame or guilt for the mistakes I’d made in the past. I had established a deep-abiding love for myself and I was truly feeling happy in my own skin. It was amazing! There was just one thing missing, now that I’d opened up to the incredible possibilities of what the Thriver’s life could hold ... I had this sinking feeling that I would have to do it all alone! Because, when I took stock of the people in my life, I realised how much unconsciousness and trauma other people were carrying that made them, at times, seem quite 'narcissistic'. (more…)

 

I remember a time, several years after I had cleared an immense amount of trauma from my past relationships, being in a place where I felt like I had truly made it.

I was no longer carrying any shame or guilt for the mistakes I’d made in the past.

I had established a deep-abiding love for myself and I was truly feeling happy in my own skin.

It was amazing!

There was just one thing missing, now that I’d opened up to the incredible possibilities of what the Thriver’s life could hold … I had this sinking feeling that I would have to do it all alone!

Because, when I took stock of the people in my life, I realised how much unconsciousness and trauma other people were carrying that made them, at times, seem quite ‘narcissistic’.

The Stalking Narcissist – Will They Ever Leave You Alone?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Being stalked is horrible. If you are going through this right now, it is likely that you feel high levels of anxiety, and it's really difficult for you to settle into getting on with your life. What is this person doing when they are stalking you? Are they gathering information on social media to use against you? Are they following you to try to perform a ‘hoover’ on you? Do they want to threaten ... or even hurt you? (more…)

 

Being stalked is horrible.

If you are going through this right now, it is likely that you feel high levels of anxiety, and it’s really difficult for you to settle into getting on with your life.

What is this person doing when they are stalking you?

Are they gathering information on social media to use against you?

Are they following you to try to perform a ‘hoover’ on you?

Do they want to threaten … or even hurt you?

How To Find Direction When You Feel Stuck

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  When you have cleared much of the pain, and are no longer in survival mode – these questions may arise … Who am I? What’s next? What am I supposed to be doing with my life now? You may have an idea of what you want to do, but you feel stuck. You may still feel some residual fear of going out there and getting what it is you truly want. And as a result, you may feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. (more…)

 

When you have cleared much of the pain, and are no longer in survival mode – these questions may arise …

Who am I?

What’s next?

What am I supposed to be doing with my life now?

You may have an idea of what you want to do, but you feel stuck.

You may still feel some residual fear of going out there and getting what it is you truly want.

And as a result, you may feel like you aren’t getting anywhere.

Narcissist Or Addict… Can They Ever Change?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I know how painful it is to be caught up in someone’s addictions – suffering the anguish of the invalidation of your needs, safety, love requirements and security – as well as seeing this person destroying themselves and others. Of course, you hope that you can help them overcome the addiction, so that you and they can be happy and have a fulfilling relationship – whether it be your lover, spouse, child, relative or friend. But how do we even know if this person is capable of ‘becoming decent’ even if they lose their addiction? And why is it, in trying to help this person, often we just get sicker and sicker and they don’t stop doing the things that are ripping our life, as well as theirs, apart? In today’s Thriver TV episode we take a deep dive into this very important question – ‘Is there any hope for this addict, or are they a narcissist how can’t...

 

I know how painful it is to be caught up in someone’s addictions – suffering the anguish of the invalidation of your needs, safety, love requirements and security – as well as seeing this person destroying themselves and others.

Of course, you hope that you can help them overcome the addiction, so that you and they can be happy and have a fulfilling relationship – whether it be your lover, spouse, child, relative or friend.

But how do we even know if this person is capable of ‘becoming decent’ even if they lose their addiction?

And why is it, in trying to help this person, often we just get sicker and sicker and they don’t stop doing the things that are ripping our life, as well as theirs, apart?

In today’s Thriver TV episode we take a deep dive into this very important question – ‘Is there any hope for this addict, or are they a narcissist how can’t be healthy – addictions or not?’

Becoming Powerful, Safe And Fearless On Your Own

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Today I’m really excited to kick-off a brand new Thriver TV Series, which is all about the next steps – how you can go from being a Survivor to a Thriver – expanding out into life and into your true potential ... So that you can achieve your goals, dreams and all that your heart desires. Many of you have been asking me to share more than just about abuse recovery, and as such, this is exactly what this new series covers. In today’s Thriver TV episode we take a deep dive into being becoming powerful, safe and fearless on your own. In this video, I want to help you deeply examine and discover how to outgrow your dependency on others, where you may have handed your power away and kept enmeshed with people as a means of trying to obtain your survival and happiness. (more…)

 

Today I’m really excited to kick-off a brand new Thriver TV Series, which is all about the next steps – how you can go from being a Survivor to a Thriver – expanding out into life and into your true potential …

So that you can achieve your goals, dreams and all that your heart desires.

Many of you have been asking me to share more than just about abuse recovery, and as such, this is exactly what this new series covers.

In today’s Thriver TV episode we take a deep dive into being becoming powerful, safe and fearless on your own.

In this video, I want to help you deeply examine and discover how to outgrow your dependency on others, where you may have handed your power away and kept enmeshed with people as a means of trying to obtain your survival and happiness.

Are You In Bed With A Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Have you had the experience of feeling like you are in too far with a narcissist? Possibly … you feel like you have completely LOST yourself … and even suspect that your heart, mind and soul has been taken over by this person. Goodness ... narcissist number 2 in my life, with an intense stare, would say this to me: "I own your heart!” It sent shivers up my spine! (I know I’d run a million miles from anyone who ever said that again!) The very fact that you in this community, means you know what it is like to be ‘in bed with a narcissist’. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are trapped into having sex with them (even though of course that can be part of it.) (more…)

 

Have you had the experience of feeling like you are in too far with a narcissist?

Possibly … you feel like you have completely LOST yourself … and even suspect that your heart, mind and soul has been taken over by this person.

Goodness … narcissist number 2 in my life, with an intense stare, would say this to me: “I own your heart!”

It sent shivers up my spine! (I know I’d run a million miles from anyone who ever said that again!)

The very fact that you in this community, means you know what it is like to be ‘in bed with a narcissist’. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are trapped into having sex with them (even though of course that can be part of it.)

Why Do Narcissists Vanish And Do They Ever Come Back?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I know how devastating it is to have someone vanish from your life without warning. Without any explanation, you are left agonising over what might have been the reason for them to just get up and disappear from your life. Before being able to break free from my terrible relationship with narcissist number 2, who was constantly 'leaving me', these were questions I used to constantly ask myself ... Why is he suddenly declaring 'we have to break up' when only a day earlier he professed that he can't live without me? Is he having an affair or trying to hide something he doesn’t want me to know about? (more…)

 

I know how devastating it is to have someone vanish from your life without warning.

Without any explanation, you are left agonising over what might have been the reason for them to just get up and disappear from your life.

Before being able to break free from my terrible relationship with narcissist number 2, who was constantly ‘leaving me’, these were questions I used to constantly ask myself …

Why is he suddenly declaring ‘we have to break up’ when only a day earlier he professed that he can’t live without me?

Is he having an affair or trying to hide something he doesn’t want me to know about?

3 Counter-Intuitive Steps To Speed Up Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I believe, sadly, that much of what we are told about how to heal doesn't help us. Previously, in my own journey with healing from narcissistic abuse, when I thought I had found ‘the way’ and did what other people advised me to do, I experienced coming up empty over and over again. The things I was doing sometimes brought some temporary relief, yet the horrible trauma of feeling like the narcissist was crawling under my skin as well as the haunting obsessions and fear of surviving the trauma and creating a new future, kept coming at me relentlessly – and just didn’t stop. I know so many of you, like I have felt, feel like you are failing. (more…)

 

I believe, sadly, that much of what we are told about how to heal doesn’t help us.

Previously, in my own journey with healing from narcissistic abuse, when I thought I had found ‘the way’ and did what other people advised me to do, I experienced coming up empty over and over again.

The things I was doing sometimes brought some temporary relief, yet the horrible trauma of feeling like the narcissist was crawling under my skin as well as the haunting obsessions and fear of surviving the trauma and creating a new future, kept coming at me relentlessly – and just didn’t stop.

I know so many of you, like I have felt, feel like you are failing.