I know you may be baffled, stunned and devastated by the narcissist’s relentless quest to keep hurting you.
Soooo many people, just like you and me, have experienced precisely this … every time you try to get up and on with your life BAM!, the narcissist strikes you down again.
This could be in the form of malicious criticism and control tactics.
Or, if you have already left a narcissist, this could be with the use of authorities, or smearing you to your workplace, family and friends … or with incessant stalking, accusations and the constant baiting of you.
Maybe the narcissist has been dragging you through the court system, at any opportunity, for years.
Also, of course, narcissists love to use people and things close to you to continually get to you.
Will it ever end?
How can we FINALLY get it to stop?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to take you on a journey to understand something that initially took me years to grasp, but once I did, it allowed me to detach from the narcissist, almost instantly!
Since taking my power back and teaching others how to as well, I’ve seen thousands of people in this community disempower narcissists and reclaim their lives in record time.
Truly, the way to do this is simple, direct and infallible.
Video Transcript
Narcissists have been likened to terminators, relentless machines that just do NOT stop delivering the pain, abuse and punishment that they seem hellbent on doing to people.
This can happen with narcissists in the form of criticism and demands if you are still connected to one. Or, this could be their actions of smearing, stalking, abuse by proxy, or co-parenting abuse tactics or any of the many ways that a narcissist chooses to make your life a living hell.
And, I also want to explore how the insidious thoughts and feelings about the narcissist, even if one is totally out of your life, can linger on inside you like a festering wound that doesn’t seem to heal.
So many people report that the narcissist won’t leave them alone and getting rid of him or her on so many levels, including evicting them from their heads, seems virtually impossible.
I used to think this was true myself …
But is it true?
I’m here to tell you it isn’t, even though you may jump up and down and declare with everything you have that this is your experience.
Yes, I understand it could be your experience, but it certainly doesn’t need to be your truth, and this is even regardless of whether you share children with the narcissist or not.
To Hurt You, The Narcissist Needs Your Energy
To go beyond the horrible human experience where narcissists just don’t let up, into one where we take back our power, and they do … I need to take you on a Quantum journey with me, getting down to the energetic truth of things and working with the system of life that will release you into your highest and best realities which is NOT entanglement with a narcissist.
Okay… let me explain, the narcissist in your life is really a No Self. This is a person who is a False Self and is not connected to their own energy system or lifeforce at all.
This means he or she must gain and regulate their energy via the use of other people. Narcissistic supply is the narcissist’s biggest and most necessary addiction, gaining the energy feed off another individual’s attention (good or bad it makes no difference) so that they can suck that person’s lifeforce to survive.
Narcissists need to do this because of their disowned True Self and therefore having no real ability to feel whole – meaning inwardly full, content and secure.
Because of the narcissist’s unattended to inner wounds always screaming, at the times when there is not enough narcissistic supply to self-medicate them and numb them out, the narcissist must erupt and dump these narcissistic injuries on others mercilessly. If you are being lined up by a narcissist who seems like a terminator in your life, you are not just the narcissist’s snack handing over narcissistic supply, you are also the punching bag and dumpmaster for their narcissistic injuries.
Now here is a grand illusion to all of this, which is the standard human perception, “Of course I’m hooked in and fighting to survive this and having to defend myself and trying to stop it happening. What else can I do because of what the narcissist is doing to me?”
I totally used to operate in this framework too. Why wouldn’t we? Isn’t that what we were taught to do?
And until we awaken to energetic and spiritual truths, the deeper undercurrent of what is really going on, we will believe this and get all tied up in it, no different to an insect tangling itself deeper into a spider’s web. Retaliating and fighting back, bringing on its own inevitable demise.
There is another way, truly.
And it has nothing to do with our ‘doingness’ and everything to do with our “beingness’. To take our power back, it is about getting out of the greatest human illusion that exists, which is ‘there is an outside’.
The Power Of Our ‘Inner Universe’
At the Quantum Level, there isn’t. What is true is there is a Universe inside of us relating directly to the Universe outside of us. Therefore, if we try to respond to the Universe outside of us within the level of consciousness that we are already experiencing in reaction to it, then we will just keep getting ‘more of the same’.
Yet, if we respond to the Universe outside of us, by purposefully taking our attention into the Universe inside of us, and seek to change the consciousness there, regardless of what is going on in the outside Universe, then the outside MUST shift to reflect the inner shift.
This is the truth of ‘be coming’ the change you wish to live and understanding that when you ‘be’ something, then it will ‘come’.
It’s Quantum Law, so within, so without.
There is no greater power or truth in your life than that, and it especially relates to narcissistic abuse, because literally (and I mean in every case) nothing else, but your inner shift and changes works to get them permanently out of your life, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and psychically.
So, what is the consciousness we need to change inside us to make this happen?
The consciousness change must be the one where we will no longer have any triggers of fear, pain, angst, anger and all the other assorted traumas that narcissists know how to activate within us.
You may not believe this is possible, yet I promise you it totally is. I achieved this, and I can’t even begin to tell you how many people in this Community have as well.
(In fact, I’d love those of you that have let these traumas go and now live without them to share what happened with the narcissist after doing that. Please pause this video, scroll down and post, encouraging these people who are your tribe who haven’t achieved this yet, that this shift is totally possible.)
True Empowered Detachment
OK, so the goal is “I grant the narcissist no energy”. Zip, zilch, no interest, nada retaliation, nothing. To achieve this goal, we do this: “I just get on with clearing my wounds that get triggered and take pro authentic, empowered action regarding being my True Self.”
This means letting go of all fear, and instead anchoring into solidness, calm, and the displaying of unemotional, honest, authentic facts where necessary. Amongst this is absolutely no need for the narcissist to understand anything or validate you in any way.
We can’t fake this, pretend this and just ‘grey rock’ this. I am not a fan of grey rock if you are still coursing and surging with adrenaline and cortisol on the inside. Empowered real detachment is the only true deal, because narcissists sniff out energy, even with No Contact, like a psychic vampire zoning in on energetic fears that can’t even be seen.
Please know just your pain and fear, even without any contact at all, grants the narcissist the bullets to keep shooting you with. Narcissistic abuse is a psychic phenomenon of personal energy vandalisation of the highest order, and your greatest mission is to detox yourself of everything within you that is keeping you hooked up in it.
It’s important to understand the following: the narcissist is like a character in a computer game continually needing to reach power packs to keep going in the game. If you cut off all power packs, the narcissist will need to exit your game and jump into someone else’s who will provide them.
So how do we do this, in short, stop reacting, detach and have no emotional charge on what the narcissist tries to do, and therefore a whole heap of energy available instead for real powerful, adult, calm, solid, authentic action?
To help you understand the answer, which I am about to tell you point blank, I want to share my favourite quote of all time, one which I believe relates more than any other I have ever heard to narcissistic abuse. It’s this one by Pema Chodron, and you may have heard me say it a lot: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to learn.”
This is the answer, to get narcissists to leave us alone (go away) we need to clean up the inner wounds that cause the fear, pain and triggers that they set off.
Freeing Ourselves From the Primal Traumas
Truly there is no missing theses traumas because a narcissist doesn’t just give our wounds a little poke, they Napalm them, ripping them up into our consciousness with the carnage of a bomb slamming into its target.
Things like:
The terror of being persecuted by authorities.
The devastation of the possibility of losing our children.
Feelings that we will die and can’t survive because of being abandoned.
The horror of being discarded and replaced by another.
The white-hot fear of being annihilated.
And so many more.
The literal primal survival fears that are the fractures of humanity itself.
So, what are we pushed to do via the relentless terminator-like ferocity of narcissists not stopping what they are doing?
The answer is this: Heal these traumas within ourselves.
And when we do, we discover that we are no longer triggered and handing power away. Then the narcissist’s ploys fall flat, people stop believing them, and authorities discover their lies.
Additionally, support from people and life itself gravitates to us to grant us more of who we are being: solid, mature, authentic forces of truth.
I want you to feel this because some part of you cellularly knows what I am saying is true.
If you clean up what the narcissist is detonating inside of you, not only will you escape this person and heal very quickly from the trauma symptoms that now feel like they are eating you alive, you will also clean up these terrible primal fears for good.
By doing so, you can expand into life in ways that you never did previously before narcissistic abuse, and you will realise what the true purpose to all this was.
Which is what myself, and the other Thrivers living this life, discovered.
Okay, so if you have any narcissist in your life that won’t leave you alone, or patterns of pain and abusive people and drama that you have had more than enough of, the shift out of this all starts here:
By signing up to my free 16-day deep inner healing course which includes a healing workshop with the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing™, a set of comprehensive eBooks and so much more.
Before I go, I want to express my gratitude for all the wonderful support we have had since beginning my new book’s pre-launch party, and I’d love you to scroll down and share with me your thoughts on today’s episode.
After taking Melanie’s course I was able to stay completely calm and in my body when The Narc in my life whom I had broken up with for the final time followed me into a restaurant, stood over my table, sat down beside me and started talking non stop about him. I calmly walked up to the counter and requested my food to go. Promotly, fully in my power I took my food, walked out and never turned around.
Hi Dale,
How awesome … there is Self-love, detachment and personal power right there.
Thank you for your share! Bless!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
How to start getting the narcissist out of mind.
This of course is 100% true. I back everything you say and I also believe what Pena Chodrun says is true too. I have always been a codependent just like my Mom. We both have been sort of annihiliated been men in our lives. The difference between her and myself is I have had enough. I won’t do it anymore. I want to live my true self, help others and be on the other side. ❤️❤️
Hi Andrea,
It’s beautiful that you are anchoring into you inner power and doing the work there.
Wishing you continued breakthroughs and freedom.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi I am the same, I am being tortured through the courts by my ex narc and he has me ex narc father on side and is he Ben using the close relationship with my sick parents to punish me. I really am in the thick of it even doing no contact which was fine until it came to him dragging me through court. And now he has access to our daughter. I feel so bad for her as she is going to be psychologically abused like his last children. I need help urgently. I have Melanie’s course however being a busy single parent to two children I fall asleep if I try a quantum healing which I struggle with anyway as quite often I don’t feel the emotions over and over again which doesn’t help.
Hi Fiona,
Please come into the NARP Forum so that we can help support you to process the NARP Module work.
Because that is how you will get a true shift out of your trauma and what is happening to you.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
You don’t have to do this alone.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
I’m purchased the golden NARP program because I want to heal my inner wounds. I’m divorced from my narc ex and moved far away. But every day there is something, somebody contacting me to make my life difficult…alway people he knows. Sometimes I think: “I’m I just thinking this” or do they really go that far to have a whole termination plan set up?
I believe you when saying that turning inward is the only solution.
I cannot sign up for the community ,something went wrong and I asked support but had no response.
Can you help me with this?
thank you.
Nath
Hi Nath,
can you please check your spam folder in case the response went there. My support team are very diligent and totally onto supporting!
Are you using the right email addy – [email protected] ?
Please let me know if you still can’t get through and we will work out another way to connect.
Mel 🙏💕❤
Forces of truth from the inside out !!!!! So true. If you have been through hell with a narc you will totally understand what Melanie is talking about. So true. It’s taken me a long time to figure out all the crap from the narc. You can free yourself much sooner. It is a phenomenon as Melanie says. It comes from painful parenting, the narc was not given what they needed as an infant and as a child and I’m not sure the narc can fully heal. They do spew all the time, attack in covert ways continually, like sticky glue that you can’t get off, they want to entangle and enmesh with you. The power is within yourself not to go into their messy, mangled corner. If you wish them well in your heart, that’s the best you can do for them and yourself. Thank you again Melanie for sharing, it really is valuable.
Hi Matilda,
Thank you for resonating with this, and what you have shared is absolutely correct.
So much love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I recently just left my narc abuser after being devasted of the smear campaign he ran. I already feel some relief and I am doing my best to stay no contact. It is really hard but I love reading the emails I get from Melanie and I do my best to put into practice all I learned. If I had not found her I would probably still be suffering in the relationship.
Hi Kaelynn,
I am so pleased my information helps.
Sending you strength and healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
YOu tell her ou keeping my chidren from me who want to talk to me but you wont let them add that to you story. Tell her your a narc yourself? Bet u left that out huh
You look beautiful Mel! I love your lilies, they are one of my favorite flowers.
There are so many traumas that I have left behind and still more healing to go~ the modules are invaluable regardless of the level you are at. I think most people don’t understand what an energetic exchange there is with a narcissist, and once we are truly healed they can no longer have any affect nor attraction to us. This also applies to any other addictions or unhealthy actions that we have that we resort to in order to feel safe. Once we are healed and whole from the inside we no longer look to outside resources for our well being. Melanie and Quanta Freedom Healing have definitely helped me to live a happier and healthier life. The community is also extremely supportive (we’ve all been there) with helpful advice, love and acceptance.
Thank you Karyn sweetheart.
I had forgotten how much I love the beautiful scent of flowers in my home for a while … it’s such a delight!
Im pleased you are doing so well! You are right, our community is beyond beautiful.
We are all very blessed.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This is just so true. I thought the N would never leave me alone. We share a child, he was merciless. Never knew anyone could inflict such pain continually. I practiced zero contact even with a child, and I practiced surrendering everything he systematically took away, including child support. He has money but has paid nothing in years. I needed it but became so liberated when I surrendered the anger, frustration, need for money and the injustice of it all. He can take nothing else away. He has rendered himself powerless and insignificant. I’m sure you are thinking to yourself, “your N couldn’t be as bad as my N.” Not true! He violated me and my personal records beyond imagination. It took me years to get to where I am today. I read EVERY word Melanie printed and I did the healing work continuously. Each day I took a tiny step. Many days I took steps back into my old pattern of behavior. I was diagnosed with PTSD from this traumatic chapter in my life. I can tell you as I sit here today, I am so strong and he’s got nothing on me. I still cannot begin to see the emptiness inside of him that makes him behave in such a cruel way, but by the grace of God I just don’t care anymore. My life is mine and I can breath again!!
This is almost exactly my life including PTSD diagnosis. However he managed to turn our child against me. For 2 years now since she was 9 we’ve been estranged . I always thought there would be nothing left to take also but I was wrong. Back in court. I don’t see it not ever affecting me. I don’t see it changing until we’re old and dead. Just when she seems to show interest it changes on a dime without warning. Just like our relationship always was. Coincidence? The only relief I get is walking away from trying with her. But I come back. How can I not? She’s a child.
Hi Missy
I just wanted to reply and let you know that I totally understand what you are going thru with your daughter and it’s heart wrenching. I too have been in a custody battle for over a year now with my ex who allowed my son to sign an affidavit of election to go live with him after he was terrified of his fathers emotional explosion one night and refused to go with him for his visitation. This came from a child who didn’t have much of a relationship with his father up to that point and was 12 at the time. Never in a million years did I see that coming nor did I think that he could turn my son against me by the lies he was telling him because we were always close.
I have experienced the relationship turning around as you mentioned above only to have my son not answer my text or calls for weeks after that without any reason whatsoever that I am aware of. I know it’s such a fine line to walk by not allowing your daughter to disrespect you yet wanting to allow her to come back into your life whenever you can. I struggle with the same thing. Unfortunately I have had to go as no contact with my ex as I can and still try to raise a child together. I totally understand your comment that the only relief you get is when you walk away and stop trying with her. I have felt the same many many times before and have said as much myself. I won’t tell you that I have it all figured out and I am continually working on myself all the time, but I want to offer you some insight and resources where I have found help to try and take control of my life again in hopes it may help you too. Melanie’s program is definitely a great place to start to make the shift I speak of below and that she is referring to above in the video.
It will most definitely help when you make a shift inside you to get rid of any anger or hurt you are carrying against your ex or even your daughter because I know you feel betrayed by her. You also have to release any fear of not having a relationship with your daughter and know you will be fine whatever happens. Become the victor, not the victim of your ex’s power over you as well as his actions which I know are cruel and malicious. I know this is hard to do when you see what he’s doing to your daughter. It’s really to get to you and take from you everything he can.. they know our children are where our hearts are. Believe me when I say that once I decided to take my power back things changed. I was no longer going to participate in the lies and the secrets that were going on because of the custody case nor was I going to try to convince my son the lies were not true he was being told. I did my best to release any ill feelings I had against my ex and my son and that’s when things started to slowly turn around with my son.
I don’t know your history or how you respond or communicate with your ex, but the best thing you can do is not to show your ex that you are affected by his tactics anymore and become disinterested in his “opinions” of you. Those are none of your concern. If you are defending yourself all the time.. STOP. I had to stop being so worried all the time about what my ex was telling my son and realize that if I just lived my life as authentically as I could, my son would eventually come to know the truth and figure out where the lies and chaos was coming from.
I shifted my energy from a negative, uncertain, distrustful energy which my son had to feel when he was around me to a positive one where I was ready to take my life back and was moving forward in peace with our without him. This made a big difference. I also started consulting with one of the representatives at https://www.drsueandyou.com/ who deal with these type of people all the time and specifically with parent alienation. Getting their point of view and their help in communicating with my son was helpful. Realize that your daughter feels very torn and is angry and doesn’t know how to express it. You are the easiest target to express her anger towards. Your ex is making her feel like she can’t have a relationship with and love you if she wants to have his approval and love.
We offer unconditional love to our children and we are the stable forces in their lives and they know we truly love them. They so desperately want the love of the other parent that they choose the path of least resistance b/c they are so unsure of what would happen if they tried to continue to love us in spite of the other parents wishes. They know we are not going anywhere and will always be there for them.
I don’t know if you are religious or believe in a higher power, but I know by the Grace of God I have been able to put on my shoes of peace when the storm starts swirling around me and trust that He has the plan because I surely don’t. It has helped me deal with the fear of the unknown or what’s coming next. I know if you have lived with a narc, this fear of what’s next is all too real. Once you have taken your power back and put your trust in God, there is no force in this world that will be stronger than you will be. If God is for us, who can be against us?
Take your power back from your ex and know that he can’t hurt you anymore. He has resorted to taking your daughter because he knew he had no other hold over you. Don’t allow him the power to control you where she is concerned either. Move forward in your life. She can’t forget who you truly are deep inside nor will she forget who took care of her. In time she will see the truth and your ex will grow weary of the energy it takes when he realizes it no longer affects you. Stay in contact with your daughter as best you can and focus on your relationship with her only. Hold fast to boundaries as best you can with her and your ex and ignore the chaos your ex produces to suck all of the energy and life from you. This is his main goal to keep you unfocused and unable to move forward.
Focus on your self love, work on your self esteem and take good care of you. Show your daughter how strong you are. I will be praying for you and wish you the best.
Your shared experience is very inspiring. Thank you. I’m a single mother with a 6 yr old daughter and am only just getting how to grey rock successfully and parallel parent with Narc father who has shown no limits in his unthinkable attacking tactics and acting abilities in covering them up, even using our child. They know where a mother’s heart is. Thank you. I will start the program again (last time it was too much emotionally for me to face the pain and I was scared of imploding: also kept drifting off to sleep as previous mum. X I also turned to God, have a Bible close, 4 beautiful house rabbits and well enough to start work painting again, thanks largely to Melanie’s videos and advise which always seems to come at exactly the right time regarding the topics! 🏆💕
Hi Eleanor,
That is great that you are going to start NARP again, because that is where the big and miraculous shifts take place, way above just our informational application to the issues.
This time please come into the NARP Forum where we can help guide you.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
You don’t need to do this alone.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I am not the original poster but your advice helped me. Sadly, I can relate to this situation. I do believe I have to just live normally and be my authentic self, and your advice on moving forward, with or without…as hard as that sounds and feels I absolutely understand why we have to make that choice. We must allow ourselves to be whole and not affected by lies and criticism to be the best for our children, whether they are with us or not. I myself believe in God and try to lean into him, but some days are harder than others. My human side wants relief and justice, but my spiritual side knows this is going to work out for my good and to focus on the positives. It helps to know other people relate to us because it can really feel isolating when no one seems to believe or understand what the narc is doing, especially the court systems, and worst of all sometimes the children. So YES, we should focus on ourselves (it’s ok to be selfish right now) and working on our self esteem is great advice. I pray that we all get relief and peace from these situations, and that we each find ways to love life again.
Very well said , well thought out ,and put forward. So kind of you to share such deep and sometimes difficult truths we all have to deal with at one time or another. It is not any easy path to walk through in order to get to peace of mind but well worth the commitment once the ball starts rolling in the healthy direction. And faith in ourselves ,our higher power and our support systems will lead us back home to love, peace of mind, unconditional acceptance of ourself, honesty about who we are and then the joy to be alive again or for the first time in your life.
Hi Cindy,
I’m thrilled for you and your child that you let go, did the inner work with NARP and graduated to the emotional vibration free of the abuse.
Power to you Dear Lady and thank you for your share.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I have finally figured out that I was raised by a narc father and an enabling mother and my siblings have all been his puppets. I thankfully have been able to move away from my family but my narc father sends my flying monkey siblings, relatives, & friends after me to torture me. I have not seen my family in years and have minimal contact with everyone which is only through email. I have been doing my inner work to heal myself but when will I be rid of this abuse? It comes in cycles my dad’s abuse patterns and right now I’m at the start of one where he just sends everyone after me while he & my mom play the victims saying I don’t talk to them any more. I don’t go out of my way to talk to them, I’ve changed the way I talk to them and my family as I’ve gone grey rock and they are all freaking out b/c I do not share personal details of my life with them any more. I’m having a bad day and I feel overwhelmed. I want this abuse to end and want them to stop coming after me.
Hi Sara,
are you working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
For many of us (myself included) it wasn’t until using powerful tools that trauma was able to be released and reprogrammed for real.
If you are working with NARP please come into the NARP Members forum, where we can help you breakthrough http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
If you are not yet on NARP you can learn more about it, in my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕💛
I know this works. I have had four years of peace and opportunities which seemed miraculous. At the start of using the healing work I was drained and tired but kept going each night after work and even if I fell asleep during the healing it still worked. Every aspect of my life changed for the better and as I felt more energy I looked forward to going through the modules. My children are no longer fearful and they can spot a Narc effortlessly, although we don’t seem to attract them anymore 🙂 Thank you Mel.
Hi Jane,
You are very welcome and thank you for you share.
Your efforts absolutely paid off, and you are right Ns just go elsewhere.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you for sharing. I am just starting NARP and was finding it hard to commit especially as I often fell asleep too! I thought I was doing something wrong. But I will now keep on and persevere.
Fabulous Video! I loved the universe within changing the universe without! I do believe this . And love the quote from Oema Chodron. Tough pill to swallow sometimes but I do believe it is true .
I think I am finally getting this Mel. Am feeling better.
Forever grateful, Jeanne-Lundy
Hi Jeanne,
Thats brilliant that you loved this!
So happy for you that you’re breaking through!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
To sisters and brothers on the journey towards health and freedom – you can do this!
I was able to evolve from being terrified of my own shadow, afraid I’d die without the ex in my life, to loving being on my own. I look back on that terror I used to feel and smile gently, compassionately for that person. I am so grateful to be where I am now. And am also still a work in progress, figuring out how to rebuild a career and do good work in the world. The sooner you start, the sooner you reach the other side 🙂 And you don’t have to go alone! There is help.
Blessings and love –
Valerie
You have moved mountains within and without darling Valerie.
Thank you for your love and encouragement to all.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
xxxx
I can’t even relate to the person I was when I was with the narcissist. I thank Mel for all the healing that took place within. She guided me to such deep parts that I didn’t even know that existed within me and shone a light on them to reveal the beautiful soul that I am.
Question – bit esoteric but I know you will understand me when I ask you. Do you think that prior to being here, we made a pact with our perpetrators for this deep healing to occur? To me, that would explain the connection I felt with the Narc and why it was so intense. Did we do this as a way of releasing the human emotional tragedies that we’ve been carrying for so long as a species so that we could enhance and develop a healthier way forward?
Hi Julie,
Awww darling I am so happy that you broke through.
Absolutely that is 100% correct Jules – check this out … https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/469289223650646792/
Mel 🙏💕❤
Dear Mel,
Thank you so much. I am still doing my modules but the Narc at work is relentless. She covertly criticise and constantly bait me. As I return to insomnia , I wondered what I have done to deserve this and whether I willheal, so your post is absolutely apt . This will not leave me until I learn the lessons I need to learn. But biy oh boy these lessons are fast and furious. However your words and those of others brings me encouragement. There are other Narcs in my life. I keep attracting them because I need validation and eagerness to please. I feel like giving up, not by ending my life but I am exhausted. So there are lots of big moments here for me. The Narc will leave when I clean up those traumas, fears , rage inside of me. Whatelse is there to do. I believe in your work because I have seen the improvement before . My daily healing slackened, I was no longer making me the priority so I have to restart and part of this is disappointment in myself. But I am.back on the wagon and I won’t leave. I deserve this. Send me light and love. Thank you for your committment to this journey . To anyone reading this and wanting help. Please take my advice, join NARP, the community is great, so supportive . The modules are wonderful, inspiring and informative eBooks. It is the best investment I ever made, and I have been to therapy. Go on do it. 😘
Hi Sunnygirl,
are you targeting the wound in you that she triggers? That is what you need to find and totally release / replace.
Always these people are happening ‘for’ us and not ‘to’ us. It is not about being cursed and deserving to be punished, it is about them showing us a false and painful belief (trauma) that we can now release and live without.
You are very close … I feel it!
Go get it lovely lady 🙂
Mel 🙏💕❤
God lead me to you!
My divorce was finalized last week.
Taking that step was huge for me. It took three discovery days — that is, I discovered my husband having affairs three times within seven months before filing for divorce.
Just this morning, I looked up the definition of a narcissist and their traits. It was like everything was illuminated! I clearly saw and understood why I was so poorly treated — not just during the affairs-era, but the previous 21 years.
Then I found your info on an infidelity recovery page on Facebook.
Everything you have said resonates with me. I have to continue heaking my inner wounds — so I know who I am: I am a valued, loved daughter of the King of Kings. Knowing who I am will make me indifferent to the narcissists’ pitiful attempts to provide them with attention, good or bad.
Just knowing this is liberating.
I am so eager to continue working on me – so one day in the near future, he has no effect on me whatsoever.
I am taking back my power!
Thank you so much.
Awwww Michelle,
I am so happy for you that you are anchoring into this Truth for you.
Sending you blessings, healing and beautiful expansion into your True Life Dear Lady.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie, After years of abuse from my daughter , I said No just over a year ago to her , knew she would rage , which she did big time ,
( but would do it any way over nothing) I realized it was the first time in years that I had said no to her, Because I was scared and confused by what would follow. Thank you for what you have taught me . I have had the best year , friends catching up with me , extended family, more money , not tired and drained in every way . Have stayed away from a couple of my sons and grand children , My choice , and any one else she is in contact with. With friends out shopping a couple of months ago , next thing hear her behind me saying hi , I said hi and turned back to my friends and kept talking . Not to hurt her but to let her know I am living my life at 72 yrs of age my way. By the way , the amount of people that keep saying how young I look for my age is amazing. No medications , have so much energy , blood pressure NORMAL !! used to go right up to 8.1 !!! . I still now and again see people when out and get some thing like , ” By the way, saw Wendy the other day , she said she not seen you for a while because you had to go into care again because your mental health getting worse , hope you better now.” I laughed , I found it funny and said ” and you believed her .” Melanie , I really did find it FUNNY !! . Walked away smiling , . Such a change from the days when I was scared of what she had told people, I really do not care any more. She knows I have kept the real nasty messages she left on my phone after I said no to her and hung up . Used to delete them . Have only showed one person that she sent to see me to find out why I was being mean to HER, ( Projection she loves). I still love her , but can not have her or any one connected to her in my life . I may seem hard to others , but I have MYSELF BACK. Have great people around me again , and Boy oh Boy , I can now see a NARC in the first 10 min . first time I have posted so rambled a bit . God bless you Melanie . And all you other people still going through it ,My love and healing to you. Love your self first , find your higher self and SHINE . xx to you all.
Jan you are an incredible inspiration, allowing this Community know that we must choose the sovereignty of our own soul … no matter what.
I am so happy for you that you are glowing.
Bless you beautiful lady.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
My journey started almost 4 years ago and I was devastated but after 3 days I realised that what the Universe was asking me to do was to learn to love myself and this has been my journey. Having had no contact now for some years the only down side is I have been banned from having contact with my grand children. I was blocked by telephone and told not to visit the house and it has got to the point that if they (the parents) see me they whisk the children away before they happen to see me. In the meantime I have read a few books which have helped such as Dr Joe Dispenza’s book”Changing the Habit of being Yourself” and the latest one which I have found most helpful is “The Four Agreements” By: Don Miguel Ruiz. I don’t recommend this journey because in the meantime I developed breast cancer because of my own thoughts of never seeing my grand children again but the upside is that the journey has improved my life and I have the Narc to thank for that I came to the conclusion a couple of months ago that it doesn’t matter what the Narc says and does “the truth will always set me free” and so it is. The narcissist in my case is my 41 year old daughter and for a long time I could not fathom where I went wrong in her upbringing until I realised as she was growing up I had her on a pedestal and put up with her running my life for the last 25 years, always trying to please her to my detriment. I am now 70 years old but a better person than I ever was, loving myself and I only have my Narc daughter to thank. I also found that Melanie’s advice to see the Narc as “an angel in disguise” was probably the best advice I could hear.
Jennie , also in my 70,s , miss out on Grandchildren , my heart goes out to you, But I also can say that they do come back as they get, older . It is already happening . And yes, I also thank my Narc daughter, She was the apple of her dads eye , he was killed when she was 8 , I put her first to try make up for it , not the perfect parent , but thought I was doing the right thing. I do not even think about those things now. I have learnt so much about myself and narcs because of Melanie , also others in this community like your self . Thank you Dear lady for sharing your story , From one Grand Mother to another who is Thriving and Shining , Well done to us all. Thanks to Melanie , an Angel for sure.
Sending you much love Jenni,
Having to make such a hard call in your life to love and honour you.
What a gift though, to go on the spiritual journey that you have.
Many continued Blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This stuff is dynamite on steroids !!! I’m still on Module 1 but can already see that it seems those who disagree with this either aren’t ready for true healing and/or have not looked at this with an open mind. Back when, a former Nar lover stalked me for years. I could not see what the point was, and only understood it after listening to Mel’s profound teachings. She hits the nail on the head with every aspect of this stuff ! It is my sincere desire that those still under Nar attack get ahold of this info and let it sink in ! It just might save your life and sanity !!! I could not be more Thankful for NARP and for finally finally being given not only an explanation of years of insanity, but a way up and out that works !!! Cannot thank you enough Melanie!!!! Bless you for persevering and giving folks an answer that WORKS!!!
Hi Teiwaz,
That’s awesome that working with NARP gave you the way up and out and that you are doing so well!
Please know how welcome you are and keep shining your beautiful Light.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie, I love those pink lilies. Very pretty. I have something to tell you that you & anyone else needs to know. Do you know that we are in our mid terms of our elections. There are so very vicious people out there trying to literally hurt any Trump supporters & FB is very dangerous. It was so bad last night that I ended & closed my account. They went as far as trying to destroy my computer. If I didn’t have a good & strong business computer, I would be putting it in the repair shop. There are people in droves getting on FB with no accounts or friends. Their agenda is to go after nice people in numbers. My profile picture was everywhere & I was forced onto sites I didn’t stop. Constant attacks. I reported to FB & FB did nothing. They are hindering the safety of its members. It wasn’t stopping for hours. Started looking into the few friends I had (Due to very bad behavior) I deleted many.) I found put my best friends had no accounts & that is where it started. There are videos out there, they are scare tactics stay away from them. This is one of the most dangerous election there ever was. These people have dangerous agendas. This election is so important, our president loses, we all lose. Not going into it. I ended up getting so depressed & right now I’m fighting to stay in bed & not get out. I started out with heart palpitations & went to bed at 6:00 A.M. & never got up until 11:00 P.M. & missed my doctor’s appt. I have been going through this for 50 years & I’m almost too tired to go on. I can’t even talk about some of my career, because people are trying to stop me. I could barely comprehend your video, so I will watch it again. I’m sinking so low, I can’t get back up & don’t want to do this anymore. Everyday for almost 5 years on top of my husband people will not leave me a lone. I was actually attacked in the hospital by 4 men & no one does anything about it. I can’t go on being attacked every darn day. I’m just too tired & no longer give a damn.
Have you been engaged in psychotherapy or any support groups as a way to talk about, process and deal with your experiences? That has helped me. I also belong to an online support group for extra support and encouragement. And the stronger I get, the more I am proactive and can also better help others who are traumatized or healing. You’ll be in my prayers tonight…sending light your way.
I cut ties with him completely but he made my life hell for 12 months including getting me arrested by proxy for theft of my own computer that I purchased and said I caused his friend an injury.
he signed over my property company in his friends name and he made the changes literally every day. I feared that my business in their hands he could legally sell my home and assets. He had me where he wanted me in panic for all this time. He’s written to my bank, my mortgage companies, my friends and sent them personal bedroom pictures that we took for fun. He put them online. He sent them to my Muslim clients and lost me a 7 year contract. Hes isolated me from my family and he tried it with my only child but he was found out.
He destroyed my finances and my business, but created some weird and wonderful opportunities that did not turn out quite like he expected. Whilst he was constantly haunting me I was doing my degree and there was an enormous amount of pressure. Hes ratting away at the bottom bringing down the tree like a mole. I could have and would not have learned so much about myself if it wasnt for his actions. I am so aware of myself and others as a result, hopefully not to the point where I lock myself away, but at first signs I could easily walk away. His behaviour helped me identify the Narcs in my family so I am starving them of energy as well. One even deliberately put themselves in hospital thinking i would come to visit. Shes on the ignore list. I am so much a better person for it all. I can now see things for what they are and still learning and now I am not afraid to take action that benefits me.
By no means am I free from him as every day there is evidence of eating away at me but I am enjoying starving him of much needed oxygen. I am the best he’s ever met and he cant believe I walked away. All this nearly damaged my health but not irretrievable.
He’s now being monitored by the police for things I cannot mention and the wanted list aint far away because my response is the legal route.
Preserve what you have left and get out as quick and as quietly as you can.
I’ve not done the program but been following video’s a and posts for a while which have helped a lot thank you. I went through a horrific time with the narc during which my parents and dog died, he never showed me compassion or if he did it was fake. It was long distance so you would think its wouldn’t affect me so much but I continued going to him for years a lot of the contact in reality was positive but there were violent outbursts and arguments, I was no angel either but felt he really played on my wounds and insecurities, so much rage came up in me. After I stopped going to him he would pursue me online and call etc he had what you might call a jekyl hyde character would put on this lovely soft side which I believed was really him, he could be romantic, generous tender but at others time volatile, manipulative, cruel and a horrible bully, he cheated on me, used me for money, used other women to hurt me or cause jealousy was awful, its only this last year since the abuse got worse that I’ve cut him off mostly but there is still occasional contact, this is what I need to put a stop too, I;ve even gone on 10 day silent meditation retreats to try forget him, I can safely say I no longer love him, miss him, not attracted to him at all, I see his face and it makes me sick now finally I can everything the monster he became and that softer side was fake to get what he needed or win people over. But I miss the travelling and adventure, the new experiences he opened me up to I think that is the main one, since I’ve hardly travelled and isolated myself, I have been single and celebrate for 2 years I really want to meet someone else but its scary and I also feel I still have healing work to do, yet I’ve done so much. Anyway I recently served on a buddist retreat I’d had no contact with narc for about 3 months I thought it was done and dusted, i let go of so much and even worked on forgiveness, I now see what you mean about energetically connected because he must of sensed it as few days after i got home I got a phone call from a withheld number it was him, I hung up and he started hassling me on whatsapp I ended up responding trying to let him down easy as he constantlly begged me to come back and told me he loved me I knew it was just to pull me back in and there was no chance of that now, i’m done, but the rage again came up and all the anger at him as I went over the whole story and what he’s done to me, realising now that was energetic feed for him too and giving him power as he seemed to get stronger then and turn it back on me, this is when he attacked again and the old abuse about my body and calling me a whore started, I was hooked in again and since I’ve found myself not able to keep him blocked, checking on him and responding if he messages, I don’t want him in any shape or form so why am I still hooked in its probabluy only 10% compared to the 100% before but how do I cut the cord completely. I wondered if maybe changing my number would be best but there is still social media, any tips would be appreciated thanks. x
Hi Maria,
Truly the detaching and the cutting of chords is the inner work.
The starting point to understand this and start doing it is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie, thank you for sharing your insights and this site with all of us. I recently discovered I was involved with a covert Narc, the sneakiest kind. He has so many people fooled that he is humble, shy and kind. He has used his ex to triangulate and it worked until I left the first time. The second time, I had more information on Narcs and when he followed the narc rules of engagement like a book, I knew I needed help to get away from him. I’m just now understanding how no contact does not work, you have to work on yourself so that they cannot feed off your wounds. They are maggots on human wounds.
Hi Mel, until my sister and I discovered your blog and approach to narcissistic abuse, we were floundering trying to understand our family situation. It all came to head when my brother began physically abusing his wife… we were always aware he could be grumpy and had a bit of a temper and prone to sulking when he didn’t get his way…. but he was always charming in public and the life and soul of the party and I liked him! What confused us and ultimately devastated us was that our mother defended his criminal actions and ‘explained them away’. Not only did he physically harm my sister in law, something which was witnessed by his daughter, he then proceeded to accuse her of an affair, smeared her reputation, took money out of their joint trust (aided by my mother). When approached my mother very clearly aligned herself with him and this has been devastating for my sister and I … the narcissistic characteristics of my brother and mother were later identified by a therapist when we sought professional help…. and then we could begin to understand!
But with the discovery of your quanta healing approach and videos we are well on the path to healing. I’ve gone no contact with my brother who lives in the same town and I do low contact with my mother. It has been liberating. Painful yes, but I feel like I’m now living the life I should’ve been instead of taking on the role of the ‘responsible family member’ and putting my life on hold for others.
Thank you❤️, all the way from South Africa
Hi Kim,
I am so pleased that you and your sister have been able to get clarity, unravel this and heal from the inside out.
Your Mother and Brother, that has been a real double whammy for you.
Wishing you and yours continued healing, freedom, love and joy.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I need help : I’m working on moving out in months. Have cortisol adrenaline coursing on inside. The narcissist is building landlord and janitor/super. A neighbor recently said she needs to have superintendent come in to make liner connect. Only way is to repair through my apt. She even compared me to previous neighbor by guilting me.To me is abuse by proxy and seeking way to get narc supply before my move. I want to tell office he can stop by in few days to connect laundry liner to my apt and use grey rock or just detach by telling office I can’t. Please advise. I apologize but I cannot reach out another way. Since I haven’t sleep and lack of any calmness.
Hi Julia,
Can you please clarify your question.
I’m not really sure what you are asking?
I’m happy to respond if you can.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
DEEP as the ocean ….how empowering are your words…I feel a sense of relief…what a complete turnaround it’s all about us in here and not them out there yet the abuse brings us home if we let it….thank you melanie for your words of wisdom. I’ve ordered the book and am looking forward to more insights Love and blessings x
You’ve nailed it Lorraine.
The perfect and absolute truth!
It’s my pleasure, and I’m so pleased you’ve deeply embodied the truth that sets us all free.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Yes, yes! So true. The last narcissist in my life was my sister. This was the most difficult of all to let go of because of all the programming about how we should be with family. When I finally decided to do no contact with my two sisters (the other is schizophrenic who refuses medical help) I did it from a place of self-love. Not anger, not punishment, not even survival. I just wanted my peace and lost all desire for them to join me on the journey. I started doing NARP and it was exclusively for me. It wasn’t to be good enough, loving enough or healthy enough for anyone else so that I could go back into battle stronger. It was the act of 100% self-care, self-compassion, self-respect, self-love by releasing trauma at the energetic level.
My narc sister tried everything to get me to break no contact. First, it was harassing and threatening emails and text messages in the middle of the night earlier this year. Which at first horrified me that someone would be so filled with rage that they would be up in the middle of the night doing such a thing when they have a job to be at in the morning. But I remained silent and non-responsive and allowed myself to fully feel the horror and corresponding thoughts that got bubbled up and I embraced them completely and with compassion. Then the narc sister called every major news station here in Chicago to report my other sister missing. Understand that she goes missing often because of her schizophrenia and delusions about the CIA trying to kill her via the television and phone signals. So this wasn’t something new. I had friends calling me all day about it. I remained silent and non-responsive. This was a grand attempt at pulling at my heartstrings and using my empathic nature against me. When that didn’t work, some months later the narc sister sends me a text message that stated nothing but these words….” this is your last chance to say goodbye to your sister” This was yet another attempt to get me to break no contact. The pain I felt that my other sister could be dying was horrendous….for a few hours. Then I realized that she had not given me any information whatsoever so that I could actually see the other sister so I ignored the message. Then days later she sends me a text that said…….your sister is in intensive care.” But no information about a hospital or even what had happened. I still remained silent and calm. Then the narc sent me a text with the hospital information, so my other sister was indeed in ICU, but she placed a privacy block on her hospital room phone so that I would have to speak with her before actually speaking with my ill sister. The thought of my other sister dying without ever knowing that I love her and wanted to see her was absolutely gut-wrenching. But because I wasn’t blinded by the emotions I was feeling, I was able to notice other things, like the fact that no other family members were calling me about my sister. So the narc sister was actually using my sister’s time in the hospital to get me to break no contact. No one else even knew she was hospitalized. I called the hospital, talked to a nurse, found out that my sister was doing better. That night I prayed for her. I prayed that some healthcare professional would be there who could see how the narc sister is really abusing the other sister and I prayed that whatever help she got that it helped open her eyes a little bit. But I never broke my no-contact rule. This all happened just a couple of months ago. I literally could care less what she does and even a funeral will not make me break no contact. Absolutely nothing will. Peace and love are my only priorities.
I’m sharing this with all of you to let you know that you can do this. Decide to put yourself first. It is not selfish. Decide that the universe doesn’t need you to step in and save anyone. When it does need your assistance it will be joyful, not stressful. Decide to put your peace above the drama. Decide to embrace the triggers and even learn from them and see what they have to teach you about what you’ve been falsely believing your whole life about family, relationships, and self. Decide to appreciate that there are over 7 billion people on the planet and you can choose to connect with the non-narcs in the world. Notice that you must make space for better people to show up. Think of your life as a house where all the rooms are filled with things you don’t actually need or want and notice that if you want to put new furniture in your house you need to throw stuff out. It might feel a little weird at first, but new things usually do. When you make your inner peace the ultimate priority over everything else there isn’t anything for the narc to feed on. Your energy is no longer flowing towards them through fighting, trying to reason with them or being sucked into the manipulation games. An energy vampire can’t feed off of the energy that isn’t flowing in their direction any more than you can drive a car with no fuel.
This coming January, I’m going back to school at age 51 for my Doctorate in Oriental Medicine. Something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’m also expanding my current business with exciting new things and will be buying my first property next year. I’m doing things I never thought of doing. Make peace a priority. It might be a bit rocky emotionally because it’s new to your body, but you can handle it. If you can survive the hell of narcissistic abuse you can handle whatever emotions come up as you try on some new behaviors….like no contact from a non-angry, non-fearful reality. You. CAN. Do. This!
Love you all. Thank you Mel! I’m so excited about my life I can hardly keep from jumping up and down about it! I hope this helps to inspire someone.
Hi Asha,
I love everything that you have written Dear Teacher … thank you for your beautiful heart and inspiration to anyone who may read this.
What you shared here was an absolute standout and gave me goosebumps ‘I did it from a place of self-love. Not anger, not punishment and not even survival. And everything that you continued to write in that paragraph.
You honoured your soul through and through … hence life honouring you.
Asha darling thank you for being a sister traveller on this incredible journey and I hope many people read your post.
I also have no doubt your practice will be a crazy, incredible success. How could it not be? You are being your soul mission – hence your excitement.
It’s the honouring of our soul and it’s peace and truth – no matter what – that delivers the only life that would truly gratify us.
Bless you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you for writing such an inspiring account of your healing !!! Yes, 7 billion people on the planet and what a waste of this life it would be to stay stuck with the narcs, when we’ve woken up. Love every word of what you wrote. All that remains to be done is roll up our sleeves and do the work, as Mel says. Sometimes I just cry out of gratitude to the Universe for bringing about this phase of Ascension and steering me (more like kicking me 🙂 ) in the direction of the Narp program which has helped me find peace. I still have a long way to go and keep hitting a ton of blocks, but just knowing that every trigger is an opportunity to heal is a giant relief.
Thank you, Anu for your lovely words. When you get to the other side of all of this healing, you’ll completely see that narcs were truly all AIDs = Angels In Disguise as Mel has said. Narc relationships are just intense enough to bring out lifetimes of trauma in the subconscious mind within a fraction of the time it took for all of those past life traumas to be created. That’s a pretty big blessing. It’s just so hard to see it through so much pain. My mother used to tell me that the universe doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Now I know this to be true. I know with every cell in my body that all of us in this community have been given the gift in this lifetime of becoming our very own superhero. The job is big so the training is too. As it should be. Navy Seals don’t become who they are by simply signing up for a gym membership. It takes more than that. But once you’ve passed this intense training (clearing out) you never have to be retrained again. I feel stronger emotionally than I’ve ever felt. I’m looking forward to the day when I’m not focused on healing but instead “maintaining” the healthy life I’ve created. You’ve totally got this Anu!
For the past two weeks, I’ve been dreaming about mandalas. Floating on them, flying on them, seeing them floating in the air like balloons, even dreaming that my walls were made of mandalas. So I looked it up and discovered that mandalas in dreams symbolize transformation. “Ultimately the Mandala is a representation of the self and represents the path to the center of our being, and the individuation process itself.” I had no idea about any of this prior to a few days ago. So for now, my goal is to just keep going (because there’s truly nothing else to do 🙂 right on Mel! ) and to be the biggest, loudest cheerleader for myself and my NARP community that I can be! Rah Rah Rah!
Asha you words powerfully hit the mark!
You are amazing!!! So thrilled to have you on the Transformation Team!
Mel 💕❤️🙏
Thank you Mel. So happy to be here!
Asha
Asha, your words really did it for me. Thank you! 🙂
I was also told by family that the universe only gives us what we can handle.
I am finally breaking up (trying to) with the narc, only issue is he refuses to leave my flat (he’s not on the lease nor is he paying rent…) and will not leave me alone. I need to keep up the inner work.
Please help, I’m scared. I also saw the narc super before this happened. I made eye contact and thought that looking happy would protect me and same day neighbor came in to ask question
I need help : I’m working on moving out in months. Have cortisol adrenaline coursing on inside. The narcissist is building landlord and janitor/super. A neighbor recently said she needs to have superintendent come in to make liner connect. Only way is to repair through my apt. She even compared me to previous neighbor by guilting me.To me is abuse by proxy and seeking way to get narc supply before my move. I want to tell office he can stop by in few days to connect laundry liner to my apt and use grey rock or just detach by telling office I can’t. Please advise. I apologize but I cannot reach out another way. Since I haven’t sleep and lack of any calmness.
Helllloooo
Out of all the videos, I liked this one the most !
My continued fear remains with having to deal with the narc in parrallel parenting.
Ive completely moved on, im unstuck and have got my power back but because we have children together i cant go no contact or detach…
Any other suggestions ?
Thank you
Cecilia (healed but not thriving yet)
Hi Cecilia,
I’m so pleased that this resonated with you.
Have you accessed my resource on Parallel Parenting?https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1FEY5jkpCQo
The true solution is about confronting and healing inside us what the narcissist triggers, in every situation, including Parallel Parenting …
Are you working with NARP? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Because there we can get down to the nitty gritty of exactly what you challenges are and how specifically to address them.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I’m a Narper since October last year and it changed my life for the better, moreover it literally saved my life. Everything in my life had collapsed, I was smeared, had lost over 10kg, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, had nightmares when I did, I had become addicted to Cannabis and psychic reading phone lines, bills I couldn’t afford were flooding my post box… Before I’ve found NARP I’ve planned precisely to exit this world. I’m beyond grateful that I’ve found NARP. I’m still healing but in a so much better place already.
I grew up with highly co- dependent parents and a narcissist sister which ruled the family life and every member. From that I directly fell prey to an a grade covert narcissist and his psychopath mother. The abuse I’ve endured goes beyond description. All my life I believed I did not belong here and that I am a complete failure. I fought outwardly to keep the balance by being successful in my studies and pleasing everyone. My final discard had been last year over the phone like he unsubscribed to a magazine instead of ending a marriage. It had left me reeling, deeply hooked and I found no way out. Thank God I found NARP when I had a breakdown – something told me to Google the name of my guardian angel to whom I always had turned to whenever I found myself struggling and in despair as a kid.
I’m now having a job offer on my desk in the city I want to be in. I have a lovely dog, a handful of authentic friends, my health starts to improve (mentally, emotionally and physically), I’ve just began my training as a Yoga teacher, I love to go out and listen to music again…
Recently, after 1 month (!!!) of modulling on this some of the old friends and family members who had believed and sided with my “charming, poor, unrighteousnesly accused ex- Narc” reached out to me after 1 year of silence…
What I want to say is – no matter how much it sounds like a fluffy new age concept – it helps!!! I remember being in a place where I thought ending my life is the only option, I believed I could never ever be free but YOU CAN!
Thanks so much Mel for all your work and putting it out there! ❤️🌹🌠
Hi Anna,
Awww I am so pleased that you broke through with NARP!
So many of us know that terrible place that is soooo hopeless and helpless, and then the utter relief when we start releasing the inner trauma generating those feelings …. and we start to get well.
Bless you and thank you for your share inspiring others.
How beautiful is you life now and I am sending you continued blessings, love and expansion.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
After finding Mel through a friend and on my 2nd round finding myself in a narcissist relationship when I finally drew my last straw I retreated inwards and did just module 1 every night for 1 month and maintaining NC after 1 month he came collected his stuff and I havnt heard from him since I still have quite a way to go on my inward journey but I have finally begun. Thank you 🦋🌹
Nice one Tracey 😊
The power of evicting their energy from within us!
And you are only on Module 1!
So much more awaits you Dear Lady and I am so happy for you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi all you lovely people
I am still healing and will never stop, but I did get the narcissist and in fact all narcissistse to leave me alone, despite having a child with one.
Like you Melanie, I had to lose it all to get it all, and I continue to work on my triggers. HOWEVER, working on myself changed everything. My son stopped hating me, and we’re going to visit my family together this Christmas for the first time in years.
My son’s Father can no longer use my son to get to me, so he has stopped trying, and disappeared, along with his narcissistic parents.
I have my own home and business, some amazing friends, and a loving partner. I had come down with a genetic neurological movement disorder, but it is much less severe now.
Thank you Melanie for your support and that of all the Thriver community. Let’s keep healing and thriving together! 💚
Hi Pauline,
How beautiful that you have shifted and so much has positively fallen into place with your NARP Module work.
Please know that you can also target the trauma generating the disease and create incredible breakthroughs with your health as well.
Are you in the NARP Forum where we can guide you with that?
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
I hope this helps and keep up the incredible self work!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thanks Mel! Yes I have now posted on the Forum and I’m doing the Goal setting module to target the illness and also some blocks about my deservedness and relationships, also with money. Love you 😘💚💖
Awww Pauline,
Awesome! Love you too!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Another fantastic video – thanks Mel! Although I have left behind my Narc – he is smearing me around work – I need your videos and you got me this far and I believe you! No-one else like you in the world! You keep me sane!
Hi Joy,
You are so welcome and I’m pleased this helps!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you again Melanie for a video that came at exactly the right time. How do you do that!? 🏆
Awww Eleanor,
I’m not sure … I just know that we are all in this together!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello,
when I saw this video this is exactly what is happening in my life for the moment. I’m divorced and moved away but every day there seems to be something/someone who’s bringing difficulties. Sometimes i think: ” Am I making this up, but it are people he knows and I live miles away now. So, do they really go so far to have a huge determination plan?
I purshased NARP and it helps me to turn inward but I have a problem to sign in for the community and I asked support but didn’t hear anything (Since 7 days). I took this step as a last result because I want to move on, be free, take my own life back. So it would be very meaningful to be able to share things with other people and to read their progress.
I’m also very tired, I was already exhausted but now they are working here were I live and they start very early…and I need a lot of sleep for the moment.
But most important: can I have assistance signing up please?
Hi Nath,
Please know the support team are incredible with their commitment and service … so can you please check your spam folders in case their replies have gone there.
The email for support is [email protected] and of course we will endeavour to help you get connected to NARP ASAP.
Please message here again if for some reason you aren’t connected and we will find another way to connect with you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I want to share my story because I have signed up but never really worked your program. I have watched many of your videos.
You are an incredible resource and your strength is felt far and wide. Thank you.
Here is my situation – evidence that you must fully heal to be free from narc abuse.
I have totally moved on from my Narc relationship of 12 years. I have been in a new and very healthy relationship for the last 21/2 years. I was not married to the narc but our kids were raised as sibs so he continues to make contact with my daughter and wants me to remain in contact with his son. My struggle is that I can never trust the “innocent” reasons for his continued contact. He is an incredibly skilled narc and any contact – including talking about him with mutual friends ends up making me feel drained and powerless. This has affected most of my relationships with our mutual friends and I struggle to be with them especially when my new partner is with me. They do not see or understand any of the energetic attacks he is throwing at me. My daughter does not tell me when he contacts her because it upsets me. I have not remained in contact with his son because I feel like I can not be a constant source of love and support to him with his father nearby. Never would I have believed that he would continue to have this effect on me. Three years after really moving on with very very little contact I can tell when he has no narcissistic supply and is looking for more. I blame myself for being so sensitive and allowing his energy to affect me. I want this to end. I want to be able to be with my friends and not have it affect me. I want to not worry about my daughter, is she a source of narc supply for him? I want to have a relationship with his son but not have the narc around. For some reason I doubt that this can happen and I just stay away from everyone but my daughter and my new partner.
Hi Jane,
That is nowhere near the Life you can live!
I so so want to say to you ‘work NARP!’ Because that is where your salvation and freedom is.
If we don’t go within, we go without.
I can’t tell you how many people once they start committing and getting relief, kick themselves that you existed with all the trauma and confusion for so long.
The real question is ‘how bad does it need to feel before we turn inwards?’
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Asha I just read your post. ..how inspiring are you.Thank you…
You’re welcome, Lorraine. Very glad to share and be part of this community!
I was a chronic insomniac with periodic terror of the dark, the result of childhood abuse. I am not a NARP member but I have used your mp3s on transforming family of origin wounds. So, about 18 months ago, when I found myself frozen in fear at whatever I imagined I heard in the dark, I knew enough to withdraw my attention from “out there” to the feeling of fear that was in there and release it and open the space to truth and light. And you know what? I only did it once! and I have no fear of the dark.
That, to me, is a miracle, because I had carried that fear for nearly 60 years! – at times it had crippled me and without you, I’m not sure I would have realised it was not just ‘part of my nature’ but a belief system that I could change.
If you told me two years ago it was that simple – and that easy – and that fast! – to remove an irrational fear, I would not have believed it.
I am profoundly grateful.
Hi Jacqui,
How beautiful you did the reprogramming inside with TFFOW!
It’s so true, until we start doing this work we don’t think it is possible to live these miracles every day.
But it is!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi beautiful Melanie,
What if there narcissist is your Mother? Wanting again and again make a contact with you and making you a bad person in front of the Whole family and social grup if you dont. Moreso- using lended money from the family (financial support from the family ) as a way to make you guilty And try to have power over you. (And secretly wanna keep you dependent on them financially)How to deal with that? Thank you and much love & gratitude, Pavlina
Hi lovely Pavlina,
The healing premise Dear Lady is always the same. Heal what is triggered by the narcissist and then we show up completely different in ways that can generate boundaries or modified or no contact without guilt – in our power, regardless of what an abuser does or doesn’t do. When we have lost our inner trauma they no longer have the bullets to shoot us with.
Meaning, we are able to do whatever it takes to look after the soveriginity of our own soul which is our true mission in life.
If you google my name plus n narcissistic mother and narcissistic family members and elderly narcissists, you will find the resources I have created on this topic.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I have a unique situation in that the narcissist/BPD person is my aged father (I am 50 with my own family).
He has sucked the life out of friends and women, including 2 wives and a girlfriend that had demensia (yes, he preyed on her and lived off her until her daughter learned that he was draining her mom’s bank accounts ). He no longer has any friends because of his all consuming, obsessive behavior. I became the “next woman” for him to drain during a time of financial crisis for my dad. He guilted me into helping since I am his daughter and he claimed that “it is my responsibility.”
I allowed myself to fall into an enabling role financially and emotionally because I felt like I “owed” him and needed to take care of him.
Melanie, you have helped me to understand the narcissistic personality better and that I am not responsible for my dad’s poor decisions and consequences that have occurred during his entire lifetime. I am in the process of extracting myself from the situation and taking my life back. This video reminded me to not give energy to this person any more. I am deep in the throes of setting boundaries and holding firm to them.
Anyone else have experiences when it has been an aged parent that is the narcissist? Would love to learn from others with a similar situation.
Hi Carol,
Please know that there are many people in the Community who are dealing with elderly narcissistic parents, and that you are not alone.
If you google my name and ‘elderly narcissist’ you will see my resources on this topic.
Also my response to Pavlina may be helpful for you.
Wishing you power, healing and breakthrough with this.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Well the napalm has been blasted. I may be physically abused before I am set free to be in my own home. I have never seen him so mean and so angry. I will try not to say or do anything to trigger any more danger. If he attacks my body, I will let him make marks, call the police and he will go to jail.
I am stranded on a trip with him in his RV I done’t know how to drive or operate. My luggage is not here, so I can’t pack it , call a taxi, and go get a bus ride home. We are in Orlando and I live in Jax Fl.
I am alone in the world. I have no one to call to come get me.
I paid the large amount of money but I don’t know what to do to access what I paid for. I am not good with computers. I have intermittent brain damage from a seizure.
I do own my own home and vehicle. I can make my bills. I am retired. I have given up on ever being in a relationship with a man again. If it happens, GOd will have to drop him in my lap. I just have to learn to heal from all my wounds and learn to live alone. I never thrive, I only exist. I await my death. I won’t take my own life. I wish I did not believe in reincarnation. I don’t want to come back, live another life or learn anything else after I die. I just want to die and be done. I wish I believed that was how it worked.
I don’t know why I was ever born and wish I had not been.
He is a marijuana user and it changes him in a bad way.
I don’t drink alcohol or use pot or regular cigarettes. Both my parents were alcoholics and I grew up in violent terror.
Being alone in this world sounds horrid but this has got to be worse being in his world with him.
Krystal
Hi Krystal,
Please know there is a world without them … one that we can heal inside and out .. and have an incredible life …
I so relate to what you are saying. Thinking we can’t live with or without them, but I promise you there is another side.
Sometimes at rock bottom and knowing we don’t want to come back and repeat this, we finally commit to what we’ve always needed to – healing the beliefs about ourselves, life and others that have kept us unconsciously in this painful reality. So that we are free to experience the True life that awaits.
I’d love to help you get there, when you get away … http://www.melsnietoniaevsns.com/freecourse
You’ve got this, because what else is there to do?
All my love and support
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Narcissists are like terminators. They can’t be bargained with, They reasoned with. they don’t feel pity or remorse and absolutely will not stop ever until you are destroyed.
My heart truly goes out to all of you who have been so damaged. Reading about your struggles makes me incredibly sad as I‘ve personally been down the road so many of you have.
Not for one moment have I ever wished harm to come to anybody and in fact, such a situation has never crossed my mind. However, my tormentor, to whom I was married (unfortunately) for 35 years, died suddenly and unexpectedly in January this year. When the doctor rang me from the hospital early that morning, my feelings and reactions were strange. I felt completely numb emotionally, which didn’t change during the following months while my son and I worked to resolve the masses he’d created. However, the moment that doctor gave me the news, the constant stomach pain i’d suffered with for months disappeared and hasn’t returned.
Once most of the mess had been cleared up, I began to emote and my main feeling, which still lingers, is that of guilt for having allowed this awful person into the middle of my lovely family. I’m also struggling with feeling how stupid I was. Yes, i’ve read all the information and understand why I shouldn’t feel that way, but i’m annoyed with myself that I can’t seem to let it go.
Hi Lynda,
My heart goes out to you, 35 years is such a long time.
That is great that you now have the chance to recover you and heal.
It is sad what happened to us, but what is brilliant and so liberating is that those lingering painful emotions and traumas within us can be fully released. That is what my Thriver Healing creates.
I’d love to help you achieve that. Come into my free webinar where you will experience how to: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
It is your time to go free and shine.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie. I believe this video highlights exactly what is going on with our life after narcissistic abuse..You have hit the nail on the the head and believe you have an understanding that can help so many people survive ..It really hit home. I have your programme and commit to work through it which I have already seen results and more so understanding ,,,,Thank You Melanie.
Hi Cassidy,
I’m so pleased this resonates with you, and that you are working with NARP and accessing relief and truth.
Many continued blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Mel for this episode.
I don’t even know where to start commenting I’ve been through all that you mention above. I was the dump master of the narcissist I married 26 yrs ago, and am now divorcing. I have learned along the way to emotionally detatch from him…which of course made him livid.
The journey of healing I’ve learned, once begun is a lifelong undertaking, because there might come along a triggerer of what I might have been blindsided from healing. I have learned through your tuition to consult with my inner person a lot when things get murky. I feel less anxious and sleep better. My fear dissipated to cautiousness, not fear…for I know given a chance he could get me physically harmed… because he wants to keep all the estate assets.
Presently, as a pensioner my major challenge is finances. But I know I will come to thrive soon because I deserve that. My journey may be slow but I can feel the changes. I’m certain it will accelerate once this divorce is finalised.
Thank you Melanie and God bless you.
Annon 2
Hi Annon,
You are so welcome and you are doing such a fantastic job.
Wishing you all the best for your divorce, settlement and the creation of your True and beautiful life ahead.
This is wonderful that you are doing this in your power where all great things come from.
Know that this community and I am here for you if needed.
Love and strength to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
NARP is such a powerful tool to seriously free you! It’s so hard to grasp what is happening when you’re involved with a narcissist. I know it took me years of trying to save him, while he just kept getting worse, before I was even able to call what it was abuse. That’s so crazy to me now! He was clearly unbelievably abusive! I had tried to live without him many times but I couldn’t physically or mentally get past a few weeks. I could barely breathe when he was gone. Sound familiar? Then I found an angel 😇 Melanie Tonia Evans!! NARP freed my body, mind, and soul! And the relief comes almost immediately. Nothing about this kind of abuse is logical but there is hope friends and you’ve found it here I promise. ❤️
Awwww Rainbow,
That is so familiar. So many of us, myself included, have been hooked in at that level.
I am so pleased you are free now and that NARP worked so powerfully on you.
Thank you for your share fellow Angel and so much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel,
I wanted to ask if anyone else had the experience that I had. A year or so before meeting the narc, I would see vivid images of a room and I am on the outside looking in. I was terribly lonely, down and longing for a good relationship at the time. I would always see the profile of a faceless man in the room looking at someone sprawled on the bed. This dream of mine was recurring and I did not understand it at the time.
During one my healing journeys, I saw the scene again but this time he suddently turned at me and I was able to finally put a face to the man in the dream. No guesses on whose face it was and who was sprawled hurt and unconscious on the bed (a story for another time). The eerie part is the room was the same as in my previous recurring dreams. Looking back I think I was getting some sort of a signal or warning from the Universe to prepare myself for a storm.
What I am saying here is that I feel that this was my destiny; to go through the painful experience and come out the other side, more confident and stronger on the inside which I was not. My years of anxiety too vanished, as if overnight, during one of the very first NARP healings. Thanks Mel.
Wow Seema,
I totally agree with you!
100 percent. I too have had prophetic dreams and visions about future relationships that were painful, yet were very much soul contracts for healing.
As Asha said on this thread AIDS … absolutely and perfectly meant to be.
Bless you and thank you for your share.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
God is the answer to overcome the abuse and heal ourselves. Nothing else. Turn to him and he will save you. And best of all, he doesn’t charge you a thing to help you. God bless you all.
This is so true. 2 times during my initial recovery when I was pursuing No Contact I believe my ex narc sensed that I was healing and cutting the emotional ties and he did contact me. The first time was 2 months after the “discard” while he was on his honeymoon with his new wife in Italy. I planned a trip to the Smoky Mountains during this time and stayed at an amazing healing place with daily yoga, massages, and hikes – finding beautiful places by flowing streams to work on the NARP modules. All of a sudden I got a text from him after 6 weeks of No contact saying he made a big mistake. The second time I went to see a Reiki healer and just as I was getting ready for the healing session, he contacted me again. Both of those occasions I was feeling good determined to move forward and thrive. Now, 4 years later I am so thankful to be freed from such a toxic situation. I’ve learned and continue to learn so much from Melanie.
Awwww how awesome Baranara that you continued detoxing you on the inside!
You deserve this joy and freedom.
Cheers to Thriving!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Melanie
Thank you so much for this wonderful inspiration and healing work.
After more that 40 years of tracking my wounds and finding healing through that time, having narcissistic and codependent parenting and coming from a deeply guilty Catholic culture, I found you and NARP.
I have been doing the work since July this year and I feel the ongoing strength and healing that is coming from it.
It is my rock at this time to help me heal my family of origin wounds and much more.
I had been listening to you for about 3 years and felt afraid to begin. Something happened with my daughter this year, whom I love, to make me take the step and purchase the NARP programme.
I did not need to fear it at all, not taking it would have been more fearful.
Bit by bit it is helping me shift and I can feel it. I know there’s a ways to go and with your inspiration I can do this.
With love and gratitude and appreciation for your courage and dedication to bring this to me and everyone, A BIG THANK YOU.
Reena xxx
Hi Reena,
It’s my pleasure and thank you for your beautiful words and inspiring post.
I’m so happy for you that you took the step into NARP and are now reaping the benefits.
Much love to you and your daughter and continued blessings and Thriving.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
Yes, I’m using the right email address and there is nothing in my spam folder. I sent several emails to the support team and no reply and I had several replies before I bought the program and I got a message back that they received my question but no response from them.
I bought NARP on October 11 and still no help or acces to the community.
I did an attempt yesterday too.
Kind regards,
Nath
Hi Nath,
I will pass on you details directly to support and chase up.
Ok I just received an update that there have been emails and responses from you at this email address in June and July with Iva our team member. You have been responded to and you responded. These are recorded as is everything through our support system.
Your email for yesterday wasn’t received by our system.
I have asked support to contact you with all download instructions to help walk you through the technical side of getting set up.
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel,
I had mostly contact with Clarie in the last weeks from support. But suddenly there was no response anymore…
I also have a question: I’m very intuitive and it seems I can feel when my ex Narc is going to come with something. I was always right until now and since he’s obsessing I can feel the psychic attacks strongly. Is there anything I can do when I feel he’s up to something to shift this, to raise my vibration so that there is no fallout? Of course healing my wounds but is it common that people can feel this and can you do something so that he cannot reach you or is this just intuition warning to be careful so that you can protect? I know I cannot control him. These were the times that I would call to tune into what he’s up to but like that I stay in the ring I feel with no succes of coming to relief, only more pain. So now I stay in no-contact.
Thank you!
Hi Nath,
This may help https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqr7B6nhilg and also please know that in the NARP Forum is where we specifically can help you with Module work regarding this. There we can have a focused back and forth conversation with yourself Thrivers and Moderators to help you achieve your breakthrough.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
I hope this helps.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello Mel,
I thought about replying to your wonderful teachings on how to heal ourselves from the Narc. But I am embarrassed to say I have put up with one for 28 years. We are now married 30 years and for reasons I can’t go into we are still married. It wasn’t until the summer of 2017 a friend gave me a book she was reading regarding narcissism. She was dealing with this in her life and trying to heal. She asked me (because I am a social worker ironically) if she should give the book to her therapist to understand what she is really going through. Of course I was curious to read about something like this and to help her out as well. I immediately was completely shocked to read all about my husband and all the crazy, abusive, manipulating behavior he has ensued on me. It helped me realize I wasn’t crazy! I did not know what to do with this information because it did explain him but now I have feelings of severe anger that I have been exposed this. I also started questioning why!? Why did this happen to me? I am a very loving, caring and giving person. This is not fair.
When I was truthful with myself I realize I am just existing in this marriage. I stopped loving him many years ago after so much horrendous name calling, manipulation, accusations, separating me from family and friends, trying to alienate me from our 2 children. Thankfully, my children have gravitated to me and away from their dad as they have been victim to his “crazy” more times than I am willing to admit. I remember telling them to act a certain way or do certain things just to make sure he does not “get upset.” This resulted in my daughter leaving home and getting married at age 18 (the saddest day of my life). My son applying to colleges across the US and eventually going to one more than 1,000 miles away. I know this was in direct response to all the abuse they received from their dad. He of course blamed me and said I turned them against him. I know I walked on egg shells for most of the marriage. Cut off a close relationship with my mom for fear she would see the level of hell I was living in. No friends for the same reason. I acquired Crohns and truly feel this is in direct correlation with his abusive narc behaviors.
I know I have experienced depression and anxiety for many years. But I was very good at hiding it and appearing to everyone as if I had it all together. Even to the point I told my doctor I felt I needed something for anxiety and he said, “But you don’t look like you are experiencing anxiety.” I never talked to anyone about any of this until now. I researched everything I could about Narc after my friend shared that book and that is how I came upon your youtube channel. By this time I was so over him and understanding within myself that I had to detach my emotions completely from him. I had to remind myself that his behavior had nothing to do with me but was all about him. I also had to realize that no matter what I did/didn’t do, said/didn’t say was not going to change him. In order for me to find true peace I had to change me! And that is what I have started to do within the past few months. It has been a journey but freeing as well. I am still learning to not respond to him (as I am still with him). But I shared this info with both of my children. My daughter has talked to me about it somewhat and sees the changes I have made. My son I feel is still in survival mode from it all because of the hurt he has experienced at the hands of his dad.
But this Quantum Freedom training has been validation to what I had started to do. I still am working at it and that is the reason I am invested in this training. I started forming friendships again and making time after work to spend with them and not caring how he feels about it. His health has deteriorated extremely over the past 15 years and I know he does not attack me as he used to because he knows if he loses me he would suffer greatly. I still struggle with anger towards the “why” of “why me” and when will “my time come?” But in the meantime I understand my happiness does not come from him or any of my other feelings. One fear is that my son will fall into this same pattern as this is the only thing he knows. I know he hated how it affected all us. But if you grow up with an alcoholic for example and are affected negatively does not mean you will not become one yourself. So I am trying to do what I can to help him have healthy relationships. It is difficult when he is 1,000s of miles away. My daughter has a great husband and a healthy relationship. I thank God daily for this. Thank you so much for sharing this info for us. The journey is difficult but I know I am worth it.
Hi Kim,
Thank you for your post and it’s wonderful that you are reaching out, sharing and connecting.
Please know that you are not alone, there are many people in this community including Thrivers who did have decades with narcissists.
I’m so pleased that you are connecting to you and starting to find some power and relief, and truly on this path the total key is to address every fear and confusion in your body and keep shifting, and then everything will unfold healthily for you and those you love.
Are you in the NARP Forum getting assistance and guidance? That truly is invaluable help.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Keep up the great work and sending you blessings and breakthrough.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie. I believe this video highlights exactly what is going on with our life after narcissistic abuse..You have hit the nail on the the head and believe you have an understanding that can help so many people survive ..It really hit home. I have your programme and commit to work through it which I have already seen results and more so understanding ,,,,Thank You Melanie.
Hi Farmer,
Thank you for your lovely comment.
I am so thrilled that you are getting relief and results already with NARP.
Bless you! And please know you are most welcome.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I divorced a narcissist 14 years ago. Since then he has taken me to court 13 times, all over child support. He has gone through 6 attorneys ( because they all end up firing him) he has tried to turn our boys against me, refuses to pay for anything although he has plenty of money, I have had 4 restraining orders against him, a judge finally ordered a lifetime restraining order, he was arrested for stalking me in 2011 but given a diversion program ( anger management classes ) and he is now awaiting a hearing for violating the restraining order.
We go to court in November 2018 but the state attorney has already said “ it doesn’t seem like a big deal” .
The only reason they are prosecuting is because the narc went off in court and admitted to the violation.
On the flip side of the coin, he goes to church every Sunday, volunteers with local sports teams, rescues dogs, helps his elderly neighbors, and he is the VP of sales for an international company.
Thank you for educating the world on narcissist behavior, they are so good at convincing people how great they are, no wonder those who are involved with this personality question their own sanity.
Hi melanie.
I think your blogs and messages have done helping in my healing process than 3 years of guidance from my spiritual guide.
Your truth and willingness to share have made me feel less crazy, less anxious., and much more secure in my mental state.
I now understand why narcissists can manipulate me. I can now see them coming and not feed them.
Im am still physically in my narcs life but I’m learning how to detach emotionally. We are currently speaking as a need to basis. Our kids are adults but still live at home. We’ve been married 32 years… so just getting out from under his spell of illusion took some time.
Im going to start your 16 day courses..
Thank you for sharing and inviting us into the possibility of being whole and realizing our true self worth.
My only worries with my narc is the damage my kids will have to clean up in their relationship. But I can’t help them unless I heal from my wounds.
You are a courageous woman and warrior for wounded souls.
With the deepest of gratitude,
Patty
Mel – Please help me. I lost my husband after 29 years of marriage. I loved him deeply. I was sexually abused by my grandfather as a little girl but I didn’t think it had affected me. I pushed it down. I endured a long list of other traumas and severe, chronic stress throughout the rest of my life and our marriage (including 13 long, painful years of infertility treatments resulting in the miracle birth of my only child because I refused to give up!) I thought I was a strong person because I never gave up. I just pushed on. I realize now that I was developing bad coping mechanisms and really breaking down inside. But we fought all the time for what felt like nothing and I felt like I was at fault but didn’t understand my feelings or his disregarding them. It was pure hell because I did love him with all my heart. I sought help from my MD who said it was PMS. I sought help from therapists who blamed my husband and tried to make ME feel better, not fix him. I kept trying different therapists, hoping for real answers because I knew there had to be more. I was diagnosed at one time with severe general anxiety. Another doctor said I had ADHD so I started taking meds. I read every book possible to understand WHY my husband loved me but said he had NO CHOICE but to leave me for his own health!!!
After our divorce, he got therapy and they told him I was a narcissist. He has been doing “no contact” and it has almost killed me!! I miss him so much and I miss our life together. My heart is breaking and I drink now to kill the pain. I know he is miserable too and even told me recently (only because he was drunk) that he still loved me too. But he only got angry later and said I had manipulated the situation and him. He is more convinced now than ever.
I have been reading all I can about Narcissism and I am scared to death!!! Am I really a monster like everyone says??? My view on my life was that I worked very hard to be successful at work so we could pay the bills – everyone said I tried too hard to be the best mom I could – but she was my miracle that I had prayed for every day for 13 years!! I took in stray animals and cared for them even when it stretched us to the limit!! I won’t let down family and try to always be there for them when they need me – My mom died of cancer 4 years ago and I was there to hold her up as she fought to breath for 8 days before she finally passed!! I am the one who holds my family together (parents and brothers)!! I plan all the birthdays and events to ensure my brothers show up! I try so hard!!! I love my family and I just want everyone to be happy!!!
But someone once told me that I do so much for everyone else but I expect others do the same and get upset when they don’t. I am constantly telling my friends and loved ones how they should do things (I am just now learning about “boundaries”) but in my eyes -it isn’t because I think I am better than them it is because I CARE and don’t want them hurt by something I learned myself! Now I see that a Narcissist view of that would be that I DO THINK I AM BETTER. And it sickens me.
HELP ME!!! I am not a monster!!! I CARE deeply for others and for animals and for the planet to an extreme such that I worry all the time about one thing or the other!!! (Anxiety) This then leads to me feeling hopeless at times (Depression). NOW I have to learn that I was also a NARCISSIST!??? And read all these horrible things about them like they are ANIMALS without feelings and they eat people up and throw them away?? YES… I do see now that I never found it easy to apologize… that my feelings were always so hurt, I couldn’t. I always felt like I knew what I was saying was right… I wasn’t overtly cruel… I never would be. BUT i see now that I was “covertly” was!! God I am so ashamed!!! (The medical term is “introvert” or “fragile” but the world has turned it into “covertly” like we still do it on purpose!!) I had no idea!!
I DON’T WANT TO BE A MONSTER!!! I do think I am a Narcissist. Does that mean I was never a good person?? Does that mean my self image was a total lie? Was my whole life worthless? Since no one believes Narcissists can heal or change, and now that I know… should I just give up on life because I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone else? And I will live in pain for the rest of my life because I will always love my ex and if everything you say is true – I must leave him alone to heal himself – even though I know he is hurting too. We met when we were 16 and 19. We had so many joys and so many hard times too that we survived together. Do I just give up???
I sincerely need your help. This is the first site I felt like I could ask. Please help me.
B
Hi B,
Please know that I don’t believe that you are a narcissist at all, in fact, you wouldn’t even be asking these questions if you were. Please check out this resource of mind that may help you get clear https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa75ynfu4WI
B, I would really like you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar to learn more about this and how I can help you heal.
I am so glad that you did come forward to ask, and I promise you that there is a solution and healing available for you and your life.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
And one more question…
Is it possible for me to heal doing the SAME things you tell those who are recovering? Is there hope? I am now AWARE of what I was doing to my loved one. I would do ANYTHING for him and I hate what I have done. I hate seeing him in so much pain! I hate that it has ruined our family and our lives!! CAN I GO INSIDE MYSELF TOO and heal??? Like you are saying to others… isn’t it possible that I silence the OUTSIDE? I am learning now that I have never loved myself. I kill myself to show love to others but never myself. And when it depletes me, I resented my ex for not making me feel loved. I never saw how much weight this put on him. I feel so worthless. It is like seeing your whole life wiped out and being helpless to do anything about it. Not all Narcissists are the same!!! My husband left 6 years ago and I am still in pain and hoping I can find a way to heal so he will come home. I never smeared him – but actually the opposite – wouldn’t let my family or friends blame him when he left. I have done nothing but defend him. I never tried to take our daughter from him. I do exhibit a lot of the traits that hurt him when I didn’t know it. But I would never hurt him intentionally.
Please consider my question – is it possible that some of the same “healing” you recommend could help me?
Hi Brenda,
yes absolutely releasing and reprogramming the trauma is the answer which is the NARP program http://www.melanietonyevans.com/narp
In my other reply to you I have granted you the link to my webinar which can explain more about this.
Big hugs and please know that there is more than hope for you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you so much Mel. This has been so confusing! I am reading that it is really hard to truly tell if someone is a Narcissist because there is a wide spectrum and someone may not have all the traits – I think that is me. I feel such empathy in some situations, and yet… in others I wonder why I don’t feel any??? How can that be?? After all my reading I definitely feel I was a covert naricissist with my husband and it fills me with shame. How could I not have seen all those horrible things I was doing to someone I loved so much?? One thing I have now learned because of all of this is that I don’t love myself and never have. I think I excessively care for others because I have deep shame and have never loved myself.
This is why I asked if your work could help me heal – because maybe not all Narcissists are the same… some are just damaged souls hurting so badly inside that they don’t see what they are doing… but once they are made to see… they truly want to change.
I am going to do NARP. I am not working right now so I can’t do the program yet but I will do everything else. And I love my husband. I destroyed my marriage and his life, and he is in so much pain from what this illness did to him. I bought your book and I’m going to give it to him. I owe him that.
Thank you for all that you do.