Healing The Blocks That Set You Up For Toxic Relationships – With Katherine Woodward Thomas

55 thoughts on “Healing The Blocks That Set You Up For Toxic Relationships – With Katherine Woodward Thomas”

1. Toxic ties are co-created, however, the abused is not just ‘afraid’, but they are replaying an unconscious trauma. Going in to the body, as you say, Mel, and self partnering with compassion, is the first step. My number one goal is to LOVE myself so much, that I only invest in those that love and respect me in return, people who consistently show they are safe and trustworthy. I am not toxic. But I became so in relationship to toxic people, because when I allowed them to dump their toxicity into me, it messed me up. I was programmed to do so. The key is to have the boundary, that does not allow them in, in the first place. Creating the boundary comes from going back to the original wounds, and giving myself what was missing, and unburdening the parts that have been overworked for years, from trying to survive the best way I knew how. I also feel radical self acceptance and moving away from harsh self-blame and judgement, is the only way to really embody responsibility. Sometimes I hear ‘take responsibility’ as harsh, like blame, like grow up, or like it’s simple! We must grieve first what has happened to us, go in to the pain, before we begin to blossom and change how we show up in life. I need a great deal of gentleness and to remember who I really am, on a daily basis. I say this not to condone a victim mentality, but as a reminder to myself, to place responsibility where it belongs. When someone treats us badly, that is theirs. If I take it, I have forgotten who I am. May I keep remembering.

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   1. Hi Rose,

      I love how you say that when you love yourself enough that you will accept the same level of connection from others.

      That is so true!

      And I love and totally agree with everything else you have written, beautiful wisdom expressed.

      Thank you so much for your share and continued blessings to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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      1. Melanie, I have started New Age Psychology or “Angels at Work.” On Face Book it went terrible, but I have left toxic Face Book. I’m now on Linkedin & it’s starting to do much better. I’m sure you know there are narcs there too, but there is also a lot of encouragement & laughter. Not perfect, but better. I bumped into another therapist who wants to go New Age. Wish me luck, that I can go somewhere with this. You two are beautiful woman, I care about such sweethearts deeply. Hopefully, a huge joint effort with make a big change. I might someday become a spoke person for survivors who could not be believed. I know that full well. I was asked by another survivor, but not sure I’m strong enough to get involved with people face to face. Food for thought.
         Keep on a doing what you are a doing.
         SWAK,
         Carol

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   2. Rose,you are so eloquent and perceptive,This resonates a lot with me

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   3. my heart goes out to all of your true and beautiful words. I am on my “home-coming-journey”, day by day and step after step. Thanks so much to all my soul sisters and brothers here and everywhere. Love and blessings.

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   4. Thank you Rose.
      It’s nice to see the difference in being a victim and placing responsibility for the abuse. This was concise.

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2. Hello

   I’m interested in hearing how some of the comments apply to Altruistic Narcissism ie it feeling like they ARE interested in getting to know me and they are tuning into my needs and listening. It can be very confusing.

   Thanks

   Allison

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   1. Hi Allison,

      The truth is many narcissists are charming and high functioning and do tell us what we want to hear!

      And initially will be very ‘available to listen’. Not all narcissists are immediately self absorbed and off putting.

      So this is a great point of yours.

      Any relationship we begin engaging in takes time to ascertain and have our boundaries. Retaining ourselves and our interests healthily and showing up honestly and having difficult conversations if necessary is a powerful defence.

      If you google some of mine and / or Katherine’s dating information via google you will get helpful information.

      Ultimately it is about taking our time to get to know the truth about someone’s life and their character before committing our life, body and heart to them.

      Narcissist ms generally won’t stick around for the process that healthy, mature adults in their own bodies do … (when we know how to!) which is date and go through the courting process at a healthy pace.

      Narcissists also usually unravel and cant usually keep the mask in place during this time … if you retain your boundaries and don’t just succumb to being lovebombed.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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3. Thank you for this beautiful video and for all you do for the community. I have been in recovery and massive self growth since leaving my 24 year marriage 14 months ago. I am so far ahead of where I was last year I wish I could go back to that scared, anxious and panicked person and reassure her how wonderful and loving she is and that with every day and every step she will recover and thrive again and the narcissistic abuse will not crush her anymore. I had every intention of becoming healthy after leaving but I was lost in the fog – and the NARP program has been my lifeline, hope and lighthouse. I have worked so hard, come through darkness and helplessness, and while I am still a work in progress I am lightyears from where I was last July. Thank you. From the whole of my heart! Xo

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   1. Awww Lucille,

      You are so welcome and I am so pleased that you are well on your way!

      Bless you sweetheart and keep going, you’ve got this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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4. Hi Mel,

   Thanks for this! I really enjoyed it. A year ago, it would have been painful to have a mirror held up to my face in this way, but today I could listen to these deeply wise insights with gratitude and I even got a few laughs out of it too. Especially the part about the greasy hamburger….lol! That comment made me think back about my ex and all I could do was laugh (instead of cry). I thought “what the heck was I thinking” because nothing about him seems attractive in the least bit today. Not one thing. Not even the sex that I thought was so great. LOL! Also, I was totally one of those people that would be in a one-way conversation with someone who never showed me any interest. My narc sister was one of them. Once I even sat the phone down while she was talking to go prepare something to eat. I came back 30 minutes later and she was still talking about herself. LOL! She didn’t even notice that I wasn’t there. This is just so funny to me now! And there’s something lovely about it too. I feel so different from that desperate, frightened woman of the past that believed she had to sacrifice her own needs for the people closest to me. I love that she/me still helped get me here despite her own misunderstandings about intimate relationships. I don’t look back at that me and feel shame or guilt anymore. It was her, that was reaching out to the ME that I am today and that’s a beautiful thing. I love her/me and we are finally integrating and becoming more than I ever could have imagined.

   Many thanks to you Mel and lots of blessings for your new book. I’m looking forward to reading it!

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   1. Asha you rock hun!

      The integration is everything, and how cool to be grateful, awake and uplevelling!

      Another Angel broken through!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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5. Beautiful interview.

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   1. Thank you Nicoleta!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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6. Oh Angel,

   Please check out my Thriver Method that is responsible for why myself and thousands of people in this Community have broken through.

   This totally works – http://www.melanietoniaevabs.com/freecourse

   Wishing you incredible healing and breakthrough.

   Mel 🙏💕❤️

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7. “When someone treats us badly, that is theirs. If I take it, I have forgotten who I am. May I keep remembering”.

   Thank you Rose, a wise post 🙂

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8. Thanx a lot for this video

   My mother is the NARC in my life and she used to tell me horrible stories before I went to bed so that I could not sleep. She wanted to be my only friend and isolated me from everyone; she pretended to read my mind and knew what was best for me. She loved bombed me with unspoken contract gifts and guilt tripped me if I did something she did not liked. She was the mother so she decided everything I wore and what I ate even when I was a teenager. I can´t count all the times she gave me the silent treatment and then came back only to be more repressive and present in my life out of proportion. I am now 5 months no contact with my whole family and holding on.

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   1. Hi Maria,

      You are very welcome. It takes great courage to honour you and pull away from your Family of Origin … and I so commend you for doing this.

      Wishing you incredible healing strength and breakthrough in your new and Truest life.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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9. What an amazing conversation….I tried setting boundaries with my mother for years not once or twice in the process I was brought to my knees with stress at the same time I had a narcissitic partner but didn’t know any of this then..all I know is if felt insane suicidal deeply depressed and became ill with leukaemia I am convinced the stress contributed to this illness. Mother and ex both ignored me and left me with that diagnosis alone…I am no contact with mother now and have not had contact with the ex for two years..he moved on to another woman when I would no longer be a sexual object. Setting boundaries with narcissists is impossible as they are master game players ..my focus now is no relationship as I don’t want to attract the wrong sort. I need to fix me not others and also know what I will and will not tolerate ..it’s a journey..just yesterday I ended a toxic friendship…I went in as the fixer even when from the beginning I didn’t like this woman. Same way with my ex..there were intuitions and gut feelings which I ignored because he was so handsome and exotic. ..good grief did I pay the price….anyway thank you so much to you two wonderful ladies for the conversation…I really received some help. God bless x

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   1. Hi Lorraine,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed our conversation.

      This is fantastic that you are setting boundaries and looking after you.

      You are doing a fantastic job Lovely Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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10. I loved this conversation you two wise owls….I am just soaking it up doing my best and learning how to look after little Lorraine. Years ago I went into rehab and had to fill in some questionnaire. ..I remember my key worker saying in all his years working he had never come across anyone so disconnected from self…later on I asked for psychotherapy and I remember my mentor asking what I felt. I honestly couldn’t say so I totally identify with the being in your head and not your body..this was totally me…at a friends last week an horrendous experience happened and for the first time I stood up for myself..I said I feel uncomfortable so I am leaving…two days later I had a flashback I suffer with c.ptsd ..the episode at my friends brought this memory back I had numbed it off ..I was very unwell for a few days but can see now it helped to unblock the frozen memory because this time I was present with it…I have just ended the so called friendship which was in actual fact a toxic one. Instead of obsessing and ruminating over it I feel content with my decision I am looking after little Lorraine now. .she is the most important person in my life now. .I mean that …a bit late i am 59 but as the saying goes it’s never too late. Thank you to both of you from my heart x

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    1. Hi Lorraine,

       It truly is never too late – in regard to the sovereignity of our soul, there is only ‘now’.

       What a beautiful confirmation that you feel empowered by your decision!

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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11. Great interview. You really completed one another. I loved Katherine’s explanation about the two core beliefs that set you up for a life time of being attracted to toxic relationships and how we adapt automatically to fit in. Really was a light bulb moment for me! I can feel how I do this even in platonic and work relationships also not just love relationships although its the love ones that I get addicted too. I can walk away more easily from other friendships and connections. I also liked it Mel that you talked about how at times it just is too painful/hard to connect to how we actually feel – we are not used to connecting to our true feelings and that’s when we have to do the work and shift.

    Thanks for this,
    Sophie xx

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    1. Thank you Sophie for your comment and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed our conversation.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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12. Hi Melanie and Katherine! Wow! This interview validated my experiences with narcissistic relationships and my before birth trauma. So much importand and helpful information discussed!! Its comforting to know I’m not alone. I can’t thank you enough!!💟💫🦋

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    1. Hi Rebecca,

       Awww I’m so pleased this resonated with you!

       Bless!

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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13. Angel, my “twin sister”! I LOVE everything Melanie does – I have her podcasts to listen to on my exercise walks, and this one in particular I just listened to while cooking up lunch. Melanie – a world of thanks would not be enough for what you do for this community. The awakening is just so, so painful. That being said, Angel I, too, did CODA and therapy and couples therapy ad nauseum, to no avail. Unbeknownst to me the narc I was married to was smearing the hell out of me behind my back, not just to friends, but to his therapist. I LOVED having my therapist finally say to me “he wasn’t being forthcoming with his own behaviors”. REALLY? YOU people diagnosed him as a narcissist, and you didn’t take this KNOWN behavior into account??? Hmmmmm. Anyhooooooooo, when the proverbial shit hit the fan, after a nasty strangulation and other assorted narc behaviors, I voluntarily went to rehab at The Bridge to Recovery in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Best thing I have ever done for myself. EVER. They work on trauma and codependence, and you dig, dig, dig waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in a very small, SAFE community of peers. I can close my eyes and smell the air walking from the womens’ lodging to the main house still, and it’s been almost three years. I totally get where you’re at, because I was there, too. I believe this saved my life, because prior to that I had no idea who I was, why I didn’t know, and how I ever would. xo

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    1. Rhonda Dear Lady,

       Please know it is my absolute pleasure to help you, and I am so happy for you that you are out and healing.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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14. My story went like this…First I found Katherine, then the n, then you Melanie…and after all the enormous mess…saying this makes me feel goosebumps…then I finally found myself!
    It feels such a miserable irony to be in this forum and what lead me here…I did the Calling in the one course with Katherine, and as a result of that, I found the n. That’s when the soul torture began. Of course, at that time, I was so naive and did a series of fatal false assumptions. “Because I have done this course and found this man, he must be “the one”. Because I have completed the course, it must mean that I am healed, that this man is “different” (better) than all the exes. I have done this course, so I’m safe, free from patterns, it must mean that this man is safe”. So I hold on tight to this dream and belief, that this man was “the one”, a soulmate. Of course, the n is very skilled to play that role!
    I did that course, that I would NEVER have to repeat again “false starts” and pain. I think I don’t need to even start to tell how much pain the n caused!! To be honest, he almost caused me to die.
    I’ve been in this horrible journey the past 4,5 years. I must be honest now, there was a time, I regretted doing that course. I resented and was angry to Katherine, I wanted to blame her, that “she promised too much”, that this her method “doesn’t actually work”. I felt deceived first by her, and the by the n. I must say the past four years feel like I was constantly ripped to pieces by a flock of sharks!!

    I understand now, I did “the work”, in my head, intellectually. That did not actually create a real shift, a real healing (which is probably I became a match to the n). Yes, so easy to be wise afterwards 🙂
    Believe me, I have done enormous amount of healing work ever since, like real “body work”, real energetic shifts. I see now, that Calling in the one, was just the beginning, a start for me, not like the end=”failure”.
    I feel nowadays pretty neutral about the n, hardly any contact with him anymore. I watched this video and felt some strange relief…like a lot of water had passed under the bridge (for sure!), but I can leave the past to the past now, and I’m not angry to anyone anymore, no worries 🙂

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    1. Hi A,

       So so many of us, one way or another thought we had done the work at times in our life to find the real flesh counterparts of our still existing trauma …

       When we awaken to that and heal we know the road was always leading us home.

       It’s so beautiful that you are on that journey.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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       1. Sometimes I think how my life would have been if I had never done the Calling in the one course and found the n. For a very long time, I was full of anger. All this really opened a Pandora’s box Can of worms 🙂 Maybe without this “journey”, I would had spent my days watching tv, remaining unconscious and felt bitter that other people are just “lucky” in love and I’m not and waiting passively for the prince charming to arrive. I see now, even if “he” would have arrived, I probably would have done an unconscious self-sabotage, because of my inner wounding, I wasn’t “wired” for love, connection, healthy relationship 🙁

          I remember what Katherine has said and it makes me feel goosebumps: Life is on your side, that life wants this for you probably even more than you want it for you, that your victory is a victory of life, and that life is on the side of love”. The old me (before n abuse, before the awakening)…just never wouldn’t have been able to receive and maintain that kind of love! I have thought, and it’s a beautiful thought, just like the nature heals wounds and broken bones, with the same determination it wants to heal the inner wounds too.

          Now afterwards I remember and it feels almost freaky, the n, who of course was a liar and manipulative, once he said: “God knows I don’t want to cause you harm. I’m here to help you.” I never believed in soul contracts, but who knows…it might be true after all. What he said is actually on some soul-level 100% true.

          I read this somewhere and loved it: We can only heal what presents itself to be healed. As long as our wounding remains hidden, it can only fester. I also love what Theresa Cheung said earlier: we are all work in progress. I was always obsessed with perfection and beating myself even with this inner work…I’m relieved to hear we will probably never reach “perfection” in this area 🙂

          I have also felt lot of this pain “why relationships are painful for me, things shouldn’t be like this, this isn’t fair, I don’t deserve this mess”. But I feel better, when I understood, that we all have our own battles. Some people have great challenges in eating, weight loss or insomnia etc., and sleep and eating are also supposed to be “normal and natural” things in life… yeah, for whatever reason, relationships was my (and all of us in this forum) challenge.

          My relationship with the n is over now. I hit the rock bottom, and without you Melanie, I would probably still be there! Even now afterwards sometimes I think, how the n was often so sweet and nice, and then periodically cruel and bizarre, and then later act as if nothing has happened. It makes me wonder, whether he “can’t help it”, that his own inner pain erupts to the surface, even if he “consciously” knows that this is bad behaviour? Or did he somehow purposefully “planned” in advance these cruel actions and behaviours..? If that’s the case, that’d be incredibly cruel, and I feel it’s quite hard for me to continue to love, feel compassion/empathy towards him anymore (which is the way I have felt, even when the relationship has ended)! Yeah, I don’t know, and does it even matter anymore…

          But I’m fine 🙂

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          1. Hi A,

             What a journey and sweetheart you are on it, so many of us are.

             It is incredibly true how in the impact of every painful relationship there are those aspects of us triggered into the deep trauma of ‘you didn’t love me’ ‘you were cruel to me’ ‘you lied to me’ etc. that feel so personally crippling.

             However these parts are showing us the painful beliefs regarding how our own Inner Idenity doesn’t believe it is possible to be lovable or loved wholly, safely and kindly.

             Have you accessed Quanta Freedom Healing yet to start releasing this trauma and reprogramming these beliefs, so that you can organically know yourself as All of Creation sees you and knows you?

             This is where the True Thriving and resurrection of us, after narcissistic abuse, is and I’d love to show you more about it http://www.melanietonievans.com/freecourse

             If you have accessed NARP then please come into the NARP Forum where we can really help you nail and uplevel these beliefs and get to the next level of freedom, power and relief.

             http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

             I hope this helps.

             Mel 🙏💕❤️

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15. Melanie, I love this interview – I think this is one of your best and will be replaying it! Greasy hamburger – what an apt description!! I think of the exN now as the sleazy con man that he truly is! He’s a diagnosed narc – covert, charming, bashful, very handsome on the surface. Behind closed doors vacant, abandoning, manipulative, emotionally and physically abusive. The man whom I met bears no resemblance to what he really is underneath – when the mask fell, I could not comprehend the amount of pure raging hatred he holds for me. I love my email inbox when I see your name pop up with another one of your videos – the education and validation you provide is so necessary in this community. THANK YOU!!!

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16. This is amazing!!! Have been thinking lately there are no narcissists, or at least it’s not helpful to think that way, only so many chances you give someone before they’re gone forever.

    Favourite bit was Katherine saying about not cutting people out, rather speaking honestly with others and engaging in positive exchanges of energy at all times. We are all human… the whole us and them thing, it can’t last forever.

    Thank you, what fantastic words of wisdom from both of you. Much love 💚💚💚

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    1. Hi Lauren,

       It’s so great you got so much out of this. I adore Katherine’s wisdom regarding this too … it’s made such a difference to my life!

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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17. Thank you Melanie, I am so grateful for your work. Just an amazing conversation! May we all heal into our authentic selves.

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    1. Hi Branka,

       It’s my pleasure and yes … let’s stand for this for all of us.

       Thank you for your post. Many blessings to you.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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18. I am very new to this website therefore i may be commenting out of context. I’m relieved to read about others’ experiences and feelings related to N abuse. I really struggle with doubt regarding the reality of my 30 year relationship. I wonder, everyday, why I can’t get past this? I have given up now. My friends and family have given up. MY daughter has given up.

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    1. Hi Christa,

       Welcome to the Thriver Community and it’s wonderful you feel validated and not so alone.

       I’d love to help you more with the understanding and unravelling of this, as well as how to access your clarity and power.

       My inner transformational free 16 day course can help you so much with this: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

       Sending strength and healing to you and yours.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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19. Hi Mel,

    Thank you for hosting such another mind-opening interview and Katherine had some very interesting perspectives on how a person can show up and the attachment styles that play such a strong part in our connections. I have had issues with courage stating boundaries with friends who have had dominant traits and I know that somewhere in my childhood that pattern got set up and I am still doing the pretend befriend and not speaking up being able to honor what is going in my own body because my thoughts have always rationalized things away and this is so co-narcissistic as Katherine was saying. In relation to the NARP how does one heal this attachment styles and ways of behavior such as pretend befriend and all those classic survival states that children take on as a way to adapt and cope heal and transform? I would love to know if you have done or may do a show on regression to childhood states and how healing this in our bodies can take transformation so we up level that part of us. I so agree we lose attraction to those we outgrow because I am so not attracted to my ex-narcissistic partner anymore and I even look back and think dear god what did I see in him? However, my trauma is still there because CBT and self-help can only do so much right.

    Thanking you,
    Shaz

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    1. Hi Shaz,

       It’s my pleasure.

       The difficulty in boundary setting I have found is the traumas in our body relating to the fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment (CRAP), which are epigentic, pastlife and childhood wounds, related to if we try to assert our own identity and rights.

       These are the traumas responsible for the self-abandoning that cause us to hand our power away.

       With the Thriver Healing Method (NARP) these traumas are released and replaced with our super conscious self (Source) and therefore we simply start showing up as a New Self without these traumas, organically honouring ourselves.

       The same goes for all the traumas creating our defunct less than True Self patterns.

       The best way for you to directly experience how Quanta Freedom Healing (the healing component in NARP) does this, is to come into my free workshop and experience it for yourself.

       http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

       Then you can understand it as an embodied experience rather than trying to intellectualise through information how it works.

       I hope this helps!

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

20. Melanie thank you for your website and talks and thoughts. I’ve been walking with you since January when I separated from a narcissist husband of 2.5 years and so much of your output has been so helpful. (Also finally went no contact a month ago which had been one of the most freeing and helpful things!) This interview is INCREDIBLE. I’m half way through and scribbling copious notes! Such a path to healing. All so true of my background and how I’ve lived life so far. I always lose myself in relationships. I’m just learning now in this first year of recovery that my needs are valid and it is not selfish to honour them them and acknowledge them. I am writing again properly for the first time in a long time (ex partner never allowed me space for it) and feeling connected to my True Self for the first time in years. Thank you so much and thank you for the amazing interview.

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    1. Hi H,

       Congratulations on your No Contact, it truly is such a gift to ourselves.

       I love that you are healing and coming home to you!

       That’s so beautiful, and please know you are very welcome.

       Bless you.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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21. Dear Melanie.

    What a privilege to witness you and Katharine speaking so authentically with so much knowledge and experience.

    How absolutely right what you both said about the identity of the newborn and how the wounding goes right into the being in the womb and the little baby. I have experienced a mother who couldn’t see me and I had no sense of myself as a separate being and so as she was narcissistic and codependent I gave her all my attention and believed I didn’t exist and was in the Invisible Matrix. When I first started to learn to drive I believed the other drivers couldn’t see my car.
    Patricia Polledri a London forensic psychotherapist wrote the book ENVY in not Innate Karnak is the publisher.
    This made me understand this phenomenon that you and Katharine described so clearly.
    How devastating it is.

    Thank you for NARP Melanie and although I have not read Katharine book and work I have known about her.
    You both are showing the map for me and this interview was breathtaking in its clarity and truth.

    Thank you and much love to you.
    Reena xxx

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    1. Hi Reena,

       Thank you for your beautiful comment and I’m so pleased you loved the interview.

       Many blessings to you and your continued healing and joy.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

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22. Hi!
    Very powerful information! I love it when Katherine said “I’m not a past life expert”. I would have just said in my brutal honest style, “past lives are bs, nonsense, I don’t believe them at all!”. But she is polite, diplomatic, an awesome role model 🙂

    Many questions awaken in me. The example she gave how to talk to boss…Sounded awesome in theory, but is this something that works in real life? I wouldn’t dare to say to my boss, “I can only work in one day, maybe you need to hire an extra person”. He would probably say (or think), that when you seem to be so “lazy”, I’ll indeed hire someone else…and fire you! And I think an employee is not in an position to “tell” the boss “what to do”, that’s his work and decisions, for example to ponder whether he needs to hire extra personnel. I know I know…many companies can’t afford hire more people, many people have too much work to do, but they can’t express it, are afraid to talk about it, in the fear of losing their jobs!

    Also, what she talked about expressing needs and feelings. This is all awesome and most likely works in normal relationships. But I thought, is this something that is even safe or recommended to “apply” in n relationships? Like she said, something like “come clean”, being authentic. If I would do that, and said to the n partner, I’d like us to have a committed relationship, that you are honest with me, that you are faithful to me, that you keep your promises…he will listen, give the impression that he “gets” me, understands and agrees with me…And then later, he will do the exact opposite!! Because now he knows how he can hurt me the most, because I have “voluntarily” gave him this valuable information!! I’m sad to say this was my reality 2-3 years ago…and glad to say, nowadays I’m not with him anymore. I have currently no relationship, because I need to focus on me 🙂

    I totally agree with the wounding, “I don’t exist”. I think I’ve had that all my life. And then you Melanie said “I don’t deserve to exist”. I think in my case it would be also “it’s not safe to exist”. As a child, my father could become triggered, stressed, violent, annoyed, because of my mere existence, whatever I did or didn’t do. Ever since childhood, I have had this pain, “how should I BE to other people?”. Then many relationship experts give the advice, “just be yourself”. And I’m like, how? 😀 I don’t even how that feels!
    I’m horrified to think, on some level I was similar like the n, I always “wore a mask”. My mask was “good girl”, “nice girl”, “beautiful woman”, “sexy woman”, “people pleaser” etc. I was scared someone would see or “discover” the real me, I was sure people would be annoyed and disappointed, that it would be an immediate turn-off for a man. And then I’ve been the past 20 years irritated “why men don’t come emotionally close to me?”, when in fact, I do not (unconsciously) LET them come close to me!! It simply didn’t feel “safe”.
    Aren’t these beliefs/traumas “funny”?! Intellectually I know this is all nonsense. There is nothing unusual or disgusting in the real me, just an plain ordinary human being <3 Yet I have/have had this persistent belief, that the real me is something hideous and unacceptable.

    Recently I met a new man, who I believe is non-n, a normal one, and it's shocking how very fast (within days-weeks) his behaviour changed. He indeed started to treat me as if I don't exist. Now he is completely disappeared, he just vanished from my life. Rude 🙁
    But I've gained insight how this patterns shows up. It's annoying, that now I see I have this belief/trauma, even see from where it came from and when and why and how I continue to re-live that…yet I have not been able to heal/get rid of it for good. I don't know how to do that.

    Anyways, thank you for this video, it has a great value for me, I watched it at least 3-4 times 🙂

    Reply

    1. Hi TT,

       Beliefs are incredibly powerful and have an effect on not just how we can and do show up but also how people hear us.

       Personally and also in the many reports I have seen over the years, the people who heal inner beliefs can be much more assertive in their life and be received / honoured in this assertion … even by an employer.

       It is Quantum Law – so within, so without.

       Yet people who try the assertion but don’t believe what they asserting CAN be real from them, as a result of still carrying the beliefs of being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished (CRAP) for having their identity or needs, are still persecuted for trying.

       In regard to an N not honouring your boundary – correct they don’t. Showing up as our True Self is not about someone else ‘getting it’ it is about us ‘getting it’ meaning ‘if you can’t meet me at this level that I respect and love me then we are not a match’.

       Have you checked out Quanta Freedom Healing which is the subconscious reprogramming tool that myself and others in this community have used to remove inner trauma and reprogram our subconscious beliefs?

       I highly suggest experiencing it in my free workshop, because it does need to be experienced to understand what it can do for you.

       http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

       Many blessings to you TT.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

23. Thank you for this great interview! “Stop being toxic to ourselves is spot on.”

    p.s. already a subscriber and thriver

    Reply

    1. Hi Roseanne,

       That’s great and I’m so glad you enjoyed the interview.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

24. Wonderful, wonderful. Excellent work dearest Guru Melanie. I may listen again & respond further at the Forum.

    I think Ed I picked up a bit of bubbled up inner knowledge of how my father did not want me & that is the core for me . BUT,, knowledge aside .

    Knowledge is good but your methods take that knowledge awareness into a way of healing … which is immeasurable. Knowledge is measurable.

    Love you Mel . Continue your calling. 💕 Jeanne

    Reply

    1. Hi Jeanne,

       Thank you for your comment and support and I look forward to responding in the Forum to you.

       Love and blessings.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

25. Dear Mel,

    I want to thank so much for the brave work you do. So many people don’t understand the destruction a NARC can do to one’s life. The guilt we are forced to carry because we feel responsible for putting our most beloved people in harm’s way because we fell for the lies and manipulations can be overwhelming. Especially when our loved ones are used as weapons against us. Even our own children are used and manipulated to harm us. Every system that is there to support us can be taken away. And it is amazing how they can even gloat about that. it makes them feel powerful and us to feel powerless. But I am here to tell you that we can somehow muster strength when we think we cannot take any more. Have faith in God and he will see you through. I know because I wanted to give up, but it started with that mustard seed of faith, and it grew and grew, no matter what was happening around me. And I finally believe that we can overcome and God will use what was meant for our harm to be used for our good. I’m still not on the other side, but if I can encourage one more woman or person to stay strong and not give up…it will be worth the pain we have all endured. Please keep giving us faith. God bless you.

    Reply

    1. Thank you Meme and please know you are so welcome!

       I’m so pleased you have anchored into you faith.

       I truly do believe that goodness and truth does won out in the end.

       Many blessings to you.

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

26. Brilliant enjoyed this so much xx

    Reply

    1. Hi Catherine,

       I’m so glad you did. Bless!

       Mel 🙏💕❤️

       Reply

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