Melanie Tonia Evans

The Best Way To Find Closure From Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 3
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

If you have ever tried to get closure with a narcissist, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Trying to get a ‘sorry’ is ridiculously impossible …

Remorse is not forthcoming … and,

Making amends is unheard of.

Unless of course, the narcissist has no other option other than to appear accountable (for their own agenda).

However … as we all so disastrously discovered, the remorse and proclamations to change simply don’t hold weight.

Rather, everything goes back to ‘narcissistic business a usual’ very quickly.

And, of course, we may want to hold the narcissist accountable ourselves, through people we jointly know, or authorities, or even by hoping karma enters the scene and delivers the narcissist’s just deserts …

Yet even THAT doesn’t seem to happen!

Today, I want to talk to you about another way to get closure … The Quantum Way that will finally grant you EXACTLY what you need to be released from what happened, gain peace and resolution and move on.

 

 

Video Transcript

I remember a very funny meme that I once shared that went gangbusters. You may know it, it’s a picture of a skeleton sitting on a park bench with the caption ‘Waiting for a narcissist to apologise’.

It’s hilarious and so true if you are wanting a genuine apology, remorse and atonement for the horrible things that narcissists do, the obscene conscienceless behaviour and pathological lies and deception that they are famous for, then you will be waiting an eternity.

There is zero closure to be had directly from the narcissist and don’t be fooled if eventually you do get an apology, because when you reconnect with the narcissist you will discover that not only was the misdeed never truly recognised and significant to them at all, but also the same behaviour continues. You were simply being told what you wanted to hear for the narcissist’s agenda.

If we have got past believing, hoping or wishing for the narcissist to be genuinely accountable, which is a HUGE relief when we do, I still strongly advise against getting trapped into wanting justice to be served.

Meaning, either the narcissist be held accountable by family and friends or the law, or for karma to strike him or her down with the rightful payback of what they did to you.

 

Handing Your Power Away

Trying to hold a narcissist accountable via outside forces is a step up from clinging to the narcissist, lecturing, prescribing and trying to force them to get it.  However, it still means that your life will be on hold. It means that you are stuck in the illusion of conditional living which is: ‘The quality and capacity to generate and create my life is reliant on conditions outside of me.’

This is a direct contradiction to Quantum Law, so within, so without, which is THIS personal truth for all of us: ‘I have the power to unfold my life from inside of me, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing’.

If we do stay stuck in trying to get the narcissist to validate our experience by apologising and atoning, then as understandable as this is, what we are REALLY saying is: ‘My life experience is now in your hands. I can’t go on healthily until you repair what you have done.’

Now please don’t mistake me, in an ideal world YES, people should do this. They should understand how they have hurt people, have a conscience and do whatever they can to repair that hurt.

But, do we live in a world where this was a part of our childhood curriculum? Were humans taught the fundaments of emotional intelligence in the important foundational years where most of all our human programming took place, and how to honour our inner beings and then the inner beings of others healthily from a very young age?

No! Maths, spelling, grades and sport were deemed more important. And, we live in a world where acquisitions and superficiality are focused on and revered, not the way we treat ourselves and others. If we want to jump down and get all righteous about the way people should be awake and treat others, we are doing that on the wrong planet. That’s our powerless, victimisation talking and no one in that model is happy because they are continually disappointed by people’s unconscious behaviour and lack of accountability. (I know this for a fact because I used to be one of them!)

Narcissists are unconscious, it’s all about what they are or aren’t getting and their hurt, no one else’s. They hold everyone else responsible for needing to grant them what they want, to try to feel okay, whilst they operate with their thoughtless, conscienceless behaviour towards others. The narcissist doesn’t take responsibility for their own hurt, let alone the hurt they inflict on you.

How can they when they refuse to recognise and heal their own?

Of course, when someone violates us, it can hurt. It especially hurts when we are holding another person responsible for our own levels of self-love, approval, security and survival. It can feel intensely personal, because this surfaces our deepest wounds, fears and insecurities: such as ‘You didn’t love me’, ‘You lied to me’, ‘You cheated on me’, ‘You deceived me’, ‘You treated me cruelly’, or whatever it is that hurts us so much.

When we are in our own lack of self-partnering and not being these commodities to ourselves, the terrible feelings equate to, ‘This means I must be unlovable and can’t have what is real and true, or live a kind and decent life.’

When we have assigned someone else as the keeper and provider of our identity, and they are not supplying the goods, of course, we feel traumatised and out of control. We feel like we need to make them change, step up and stop doing what hurts and take away our hurt.

This all equates to disastrously handing our power away.

What you want to feel, which is ‘whole’, is never going to come from a false source who doesn’t even have the capacity to be real or whole within him or herself.

Your suffering can’t stop if this is where you are. It means that you have not yet stepped into your true power, which is being an unlimited being, able to harness and create with the entire unlimited potential of your life experience.

 

Growing Up Your Unhealed Parts

Can you understand what these powerless and dependent feelings are really about? They are about feeling like a child on the inside, trying to get a person (metaphoric parent) to grant us what we need to be whole. As children, it was so, so true that if we didn’t have someone loving us safely, kindly and honestly, we couldn’t feel lovable, kindly treated and safe. And we were mega-dependent because we didn’t have the resources yet to ‘be’ and co-generate these things ourselves.

However, as an adult, we can consciously choose to do the inner work, the reprogramming inside our own inner identity. We can realise that once the trauma is inside our own inner being that only we can choose to be responsible for healing it and that no-one else can do this for us.

People can help show us how to do this, but ultimately this was always about establishing a healthy, whole, loving relationship between us and ourselves, as the template for every relationship we then accept and create going forward.

This inner work is exactly what myself and others achieved though Quanta Freedom Healing in the NARP Program.

I promise you, personally if I hadn’t, I would be that skeleton waiting on the park bench for the narcissist to make amends. There is no way I could have gone on and had the life I do.

When we commit to the inner work, we shift into the understanding that 100% we accept that with this person we can’t have a safe, kind and honest relationship. It’s just not possible, because the sanctity of ourselves, and our emotions and identity aren’t respected and honoured. Yet we can become these things to ourselves and then cogenerate them with healthy others and life opportunities.

As kids, we couldn’t leave the parent who was not conscious enough to help our inner identities grow up healthily, but as adults, we can leave the metaphoric parent damaging us this time.

Make no mistake, the hallmarks of narcissistic abuse are unacceptable. Things like pathological lying, conscienceless behaviour, and inability to recognise your feelings and needs and apologise for bad behaviour or make amends. These are all intensely damaging behaviours to be around, that destroy the sanctity, the trust and respect of relationships, as well as your relationship with yourself.

When we do the inner work on our young childhood wounds, those unhealed parts that didn’t feel whole, safe and loved, we no longer take other people’s unconscious behaviour personally. Instead, we recognise they don’t have the capacity to be healthy, and we are relieved to have got the lesson and the healing from them.

Now, we are deeply invested in our own growth and development, expanding into life in glorious ways, able to generate with who and what is healthy and leave alone who and what isn’t.  It’s such a relief to no longer be putting our pearls in front of swine to be smashed.

Then, we stop being dependent on unhealthy others, trying to force them to take away our pain and grant us our wholeness, because we already have it. We are fully emancipated when we no longer try to change broken, unconscious people into whole people so that we can finally feel loved and safe. We already are our own life raft; we are no longer clinging on to them to try to stop drowning.

The intense wake-up call of narcissistic abuse drives us to do that inner work because it’s too painful not to do it.

Then we have stepped in personal truth and our healthy alignment where we can bless and let go of abusive people, keep releasing and healing our wounds and become more and more of a match for the people and situations who do represent our True Selves.

The truest closure we can even have with a narcissist is this: ‘I don’t need any closure from you at all, because I am now lovingly self-partnered and being my True Source generating my own life. ‘

I want this for all of us, and I can help you anchor into this power and truth, just as myself and so many others have achieved. You can get started today, by signing up to my free 16-day deep inner healing course which includes a healing workshop with the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing, a set of comprehensive eBooks and so much more. To access these, just click the link on the top right of this video.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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33 Thoughts on The Best Way To Find Closure From Narcissists
  • vickiwidrick@icloud.com'
    Vicki
    October 23, 2018

    Thank you Melanie. I love your emails and the Thriver TV, your voice helps me on my most painful days. It has been 16 months and 21 days since my ex sent me a text message while I was at work that he had moved out. We were married over 21 years. I have been all this time discovering things and lies that I just didn’t see or didn’t want to see. He had emptied out our home, and bank accounts before I knew it I had nothing except debts he left me. The horrible things he has done are just unconscionable.
    He was diagnosed as a narcissistic psychopath. He had been using drain cleaner in my coffee for a period of time because he said later that he only wanted the life insurance. Legally I could not hold him accountable but it affected my health. The emotional pain is devastating.
    He has moved on to a different women and seems happy, I work from home and almost never leave my house.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 23, 2018

      Hi Vicki,

      You are very welcome.

      My heart goes out to you for going through so much. Vicki I really want you to know that we don’t have to do Recovery the long, drawn out, torturous way.

      There truly is a better way, the Thriver Way and I’d love to show it to you, where clarity and relief is reported by most people very quickly.

      It’s here for you: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Mal_Ols@hotmail.com'
    Miss Pernilla
    October 23, 2018

    Mel, you did it again! ♥️Grrreat video!
    Lots of Love, Malin

  • Katieshopsalways@aol.com'
    Katie
    October 23, 2018

    Excellent article! We have finally healed when we don’t need the apology anymore as we have let go, gone within, love ourselves, and do not tolerate unconscious/crazy/unscrupulous behavior as we have set boundaries to what we will/will not tolerate!
    Thus, the lesson is learned and we now create our own life! ♥️♥️♥️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 23, 2018

      Hi Katie,

      I’m glad you enjoyed this!

      Everything you have written is 100 percent correct.

      Thrive On!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • carolinegrace@iaccess.ca'
    Grace
    October 23, 2018

    Thanks for the clear video about letting go of trying to get a narcissist to apologize or in any way acknowledge the pain he has inflicted on someone. I had been married 27 yrs when I fled from my narcissistic husband 9 years ago. Only one of our five children was still at home when I separated; he fought over access to her until she turned 18. Trying to get him to cooperate to divide matrimonial property is like trying to catch a greased pig! He finds every rabbit trail remotely available to distract, derail, and destroy any attempt by my lawyer to bring closure. We think we’ve finally got him cornered and then he finds some other way to derail the process. My lawyer is painfully slow. I’ve been told by another lawyer it would be very costly at this point to switch lawyers–and you really don’t know who your lawyer is until you see him/her in action.
    I’ve figured out the narcissist is a coward and desperately does not want to be held to account for his finances–or for anything. If I was 15 or 20 yrs younger I’d just walk away. But I’m 60 yrs old and the finances in my years ahead are largely determined by how the matrimonial property is divided up.
    So I’m finding it hard not to feel trapped and controlled by this man’s lack of cooperation with the legal system. I want to plan ahead and prepare for my older years, but so much depends on how matrimonial property is divided up. I was a stay-at-home mother for decades.
    So how do I move on emotionally while this lack of closure and ability to get a divorce is almost like a dead weight on me?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 23, 2018

      Hi Grace,

      It’s my pleasure.

      Oh I love your expression ‘trying to catch a greased pig!’ That’s a cracker, I roared with laughter (as serious as that is!)

      I so so want you to check out my Thriver Healing method Grace, http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse which is totally about how to get that emotional shift, as well as become an emotional match for the narcissist to capitulate … which so many of the Thrivers working my NARP program have achieved.

      Apart from checking out the link above, please also google my name + Thriver shows and you will see how others won their settlements against the stickiest of n’s.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • theophaniia@yahoo.com'
    Te Aroha
    October 23, 2018

    Kia ora Melanie,
    Your words are forever true. I feel a cringe in the pit of my stomach when I the memories of the narcissist arise. I want no more of him. However I still feel aggrieved and angry at his despicable actions. I sometimes fantasise that I will run into the new woman and tell all, even though I know this is not healthy for me. I have been working hard to heal myself and look forward to a time when I don’t think about him at all. How long does it take? Im so frustrated by the air time he gets in my head!
    T

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 23, 2018

      Hi T,

      Awwww please know Dear Lady that it’s when we direct release trauma out of us that we get the brain shift that reflects that.

      Have you been using the NARP Modules to achieve this?

      If you haven’t check out NARP here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      And if you are already working with NARP to heal, then I highly suggest coming in to the NARP Forum where we can help you release and free yourself from this for good.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    October 23, 2018

    Dear Melanie.

    Its so amazing to listen to you explain clearly and succinctly the pattern of narcissistic abuse and to feel understood for the very first time in my life.
    You have got this and although it takes me awhile to fully hear what you are saying I know enough to feel the truth of it.

    After listening 3 times I heard different things each time and will listen more.
    Having grown up with a narcissistic mother who is now 90 I am learning from you and the NARP programme how to self-partner and heal.

    Thank you for your continued work and inspiration.
    With love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 23, 2018

      Hi Reena,

      I’m so pleased this resonates with you.

      Awww I’m so happy for you that it’s your time to heal and that you’re coming home to you!

      It’s beyond beautiful!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rbe1112@outlook.com'
    Rebecca
    October 24, 2018

    Hi Melanie thank you for this video, exactly what I needed to hear today! I now see clearly that I’m still expecting the other people to do something for me – even though I know they aren’t capable! Shows me I still have work to do but thankfuly I have the tools to do this (QFH+NARP). Such an important part of my healing journey is closure and it has nothing to do with the other person/people and everything to do with me! ❤💫🦋

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 24, 2018

      Hi Rebecca,

      This is so great you have clarity from this!

      I love that you have NARP to clear this stuff.

      You’ve got this Lovely Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • chris.whittaker2@btinternet.com'
    Chris
    October 24, 2018

    Mel, I remember my Narcissist ex-housemate, seemed to respect bigger or stronger/tougher people than him, I wasn,t so I wished i,d learnt Marshall arts or something, perhaps the abuse might have never started in the first place, it might be a lesson to us all

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 24, 2018

      Hi Chris,

      The real truth is our life is never dependent on who does or doesn’t respect us.

      Taking our power back means regardless we respect ourselves, then what toxic people are or do is not even relevant or effective.

      We just get on with it without even requiring their ‘approval’ or ‘respect’.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • seemaanthony4@gmail.com'
    Seema
    October 24, 2018

    Mel,

    I struggled for closure for years and I kept going back. I was baffled how could someone feel no regret or remorse for their behaviour and actions. In my early experiences any out of whack behaviour of any individual and I would cope by escapism. I remember running from home and hiding in empty neighbouring homes or shacks for hours until my mom’s senseless anger would subside. If she finds me I know I was in for a severe beating with sticks, pans, brooms and whatever was available at hand. As you had mentioned the universe will create circumstances that one cannot simply run away anymore. I believe that one is forced to stop any earlier coping methods that won’t give you the peace you deserve and finally finding the answers by going deep within oneself.

    Earlier, for the sake of our son, I would want to know – How could he not understand how his thoughtless actions are affecting me. I needed answers but alas did not get any. I finally went no contact but not before experiencing the ‘being hit by freight train’ situation that you so rightly mention in one of your videos. Had a major breakdown and NARP helped me to truly disconnect.

    Thanks and regards. Keep up the good work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 24, 2018

      Hi Seema,

      You are 100 percent correct! I totally do believe that whatever we haven’t met and healed within, that is compromising us being our True Selves will represent again, bringing us to our knees until we do heal it.

      It’s wonderful that you are now working with NARP to heal and free yourself .. truly.

      You so deserve this and sending you continued healing and incredible breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    October 24, 2018

    Dear Melanie, My intuition, gut instinct has been very strong for a very long time and it’s telling me that my older cerebral covert malignant textbook Narcissist stepdaughter has been on this website playing the victim and her falsely portraying her victims as abusers, Narcissists, villains, bullies, bad, toxic, crazy, weird, insane, mentally ill and playing the victims. We her victims are not playing the victims and we are none of all the other things that she is portraying us to be. She herself is playing the victim, falsely portraying herself as a victim. She comes on here trying to gather as much information and intelligence as she can so that she has an idea of all the deep inner emotional, mental pain, suffering, anguish, anxiety, depression, torment, torture, trauma, turmoil, PTSD, C-PTSD, adrenal fatigue, wounds and the damage, etc…, of the spiritual shredding that she has inflicted upon her victims that her victims are experiencing and going through and she roars with laughter, laughing with mockery, scorn, disdain, humiliating her victims. She is sadistic. She’s also playing the victim on here. She’s trying to get Narcissistic supply in the form of empathy, sympathy, compassion, validation, vindication from absolutely anyone on here. She clearly exhibits the classic symptoms of cerebral covert NPD. My opinion is this website is especially created for NPD abuse victims, survivors and thrivers but not created for Narcissists like my Narcissist stepdaughter!! I wonder maybe she has collected alot of information, intelligence from the internet, websites, forums, from books, from other people on how someone can abuse other people and get away with it, her falsely portraying herself as the victim and her falsely accusing her victims as abusers, Narcissists, etc…, bad, toxic, mentally ill, weird, scary, coy, insecure, jealous, imperfect, flawed people and her falsely accusing her victims as playing the victims, now, she has come across NPD abuse victim websites, forums, google and now, she knows all about projection, gaslighting, triangulation and she’s enjoying and loving the notoriety that she has between herself and her victims. Perhaps NPD is learnt behaviour and she learnt these NPD behaviours from other people from when she was little as a young child up to the 48 year old woman she is now, because I don’t think that a young child would have the intelligence, etc…, to do these behaviours without learning these behaviours from adults, peers from her age group – other children her own age when she was a young child, from watching films, movies, etc…, or, maybe perhaps she was genetically, biomechanically, physiologically, etc…, predisposed, etc…, to NPD – so it’s either or a combination of exhibiting NPD behaviours through learnt behaviours of others probably from a young child – maybe she didn’t have NPD before she learnt these NPD learnt behaviours and maybe after learning these behaviours she then had NPD or maybe she has the genetics, etc…, of NPD, perhaps, she was extremely bored and just wanted to be horrible, bad, evil, nasty, abusive towards other people and see what their reactions, responses, behaviours, words, actions would be and would not be and her doing all of these things for her own entertainment, enjoyment, sadistic fun because maybe she was feeling extremely bored – extreme boredom – I’m just trying to figure all of this out. Doesn’t she know, realize or understand that this website, the NARP Modules or QFH Modules and other healing resources on here cannot heal her NPD, her deep inner wounds, pain, suffering, etc…, her true authentic self because it’s not created for healing the NPD, NPD behaviours, etc…, NPD deep inner wounds, etc…, NPD true, authentic self, subconsciously, her NPD mind will get confused and she could end up still the same or even worse but not better after doing NARP, QFH, etc…, because it’s not created for people with NPD trying to say this from a genetic, biomechanical, physiological, subconscious, mental, emotional, spiritual, medical science, etc…, way perspective. I would love to hear anyone’s opinions, view points, thoughts, feelings, understanding, wisdom, insight on this so that I can be enlightened and given a revelation, a a-ha light bulb eureka moment on this? Thank you very much from Christine

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 24, 2018

      Hi Christine,

      Absolutely she could be doing this, because that is what narcissists do – play the victim.

      This work and Thriver Mission is about any person who wishes to release their wounds and become their true self can. Codependency and narcissism are two sides of the same coin … https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-narcissist-and-co-dependent-two-sides-of-the-same-coin/ … the dysfunction, emptiness and outer seeking to be full is to do with internal unhealed trauma.

      If anyone was to meet and replace and release this trauma (which is exactly what QFH and NARP does) then they are no longer a victim to anyone else and are not attached to what anyone else or is or isn’t doing in order for them to feel healed and whole.

      When we get there, its actually never about what others are doing. It’s about our own healing.

      Previous Ns in my life have been discovered in this community doing the same thing. Good luck to them I say, and whether or not they ever do the real work in their bodies to release trauma and anchor into their true selves is between them and their inner beings.

      I hope they do! I wish that for everyone!

      The people they affect if not healing is merely and magnificently a perfect healing requirement between these people and their inner beings.

      That’s my true thoughts on this, that we can all have the opportunity to heal our inner being, and our ultimate responsibility is to just do that and allow others to make their own choices.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Adabelieve@gmail.com'
      Rachel
      October 24, 2018

      Wow! You should really check out Melanie’s program. Looks like you could really use some relief and some forgiveness. God Bless You!!

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    October 24, 2018

    Dear Melanie my Narcissist stepdaughter had got in touch with my husband’s – her father’s church months and months ago. She manipulated and used them as flying monkeys for her own evil Narcissistic agenda to make them make home visits to mine and my husband’s home address – to our own marital home to keep tabs on and checking up on my husband as the last time she came up to our marital home was about 18 months ago when I shut the front door in her face and I shut the front door in her face because she, her biological mother – my husband’s ex-girlfriend and my stepdaughter’s female best friend had covertly abused me in covert, secretive ways when my husband was not around and when no-one else was around to witness it – that’s why I shut the front door in her face which was 18 months ago, since then she has got in touch with my husband’s church and she has manipulated them used them as her flying monkeys and probably indoctrinated, brainwashed them against me, poisoned their minds against me with her lies, deceit, deception, slander, defamation of character, smear campaign about me to them. And then her asking them to get back in touch with her or her telling them that she would get back in touch with them after they would have visited me and my husband at our own marital home to find out if they met and saw me or my husband – her father and to find out about what happened, she manipulated them to make a few home visits, but they didn’t meet or see my husband instead, they met, saw and talked with me. It was either before or after my stepdaughter had made a first home visit to mine and my husband’s marital home which was about 3 or 4 or more weeks ago which was the first time in 18 months – 18 months ago when she came up and I shut the front door in her face that my husband’s church had stopped phoning me, stopped sending text messages and voicemail messages to me – (me and my husband’s church exchanged mobile phone numbers) and since then they haven’t got back in touch with me by phone or made anymore home visits. I phoned them up weeks ago and one of them told me that their church colleague had moved out of town and moved out of the county and had gone to move to and live in another town in another county. In the beginning when I was getting to know my husband’s church members either on the phone and/or in a home visit they made I asked them if they knew if my husband had any children and they answered no. I reckon that my stepdaughter had manipulated them into lying to me – to make them lie to me in that they didn’t know if my husband had children or not – she would have told them something like this “if Christine asks you if you know me or that you have met and talked to me or if she asks you if you know if my father has a child or has children of his own then you must say to her that you don’t know if her husband – my father has a child or not or has children or not because I don’t want Christine to know that you know that her husband – my father does have 1 child – 1 daughter – me, that you know of me, know about me, know me personally, or that I have got in touch with you and that I have asked you to get in touch with my father and for you to make home visits to see, meet and talk with my father – I don’t want Christine knowing that and after I have attempted to make a home visit to see my father then you can stop making home visits to see my father and you can lose contact, lose touch with my much younger stepmother Christine and with my father because Christine is…
    …………………………….. and one of you can stop all contact with Christine by getting another one of you to tell Christine that the other one of you has moved out of town and county and gone to move into and live in another town in another county so that you could use that as an excuse to avoid Christine and to avoid having any contact with Christine so one of you can speak on another one of you’s behalf to Christine on the phone or in another home visit without the other one of you” – so she has used, manipulated the church as her flying monkeys, indoctrinated, brainwashed the church against me, poisoned their minds against me, done slander, defamation of character, smear campaign against me to them, told them lots and lots of lies, deceit, deception about me to them. Over the past 3 or 4 or more than 4 weeks I have overheard many conversations between her and my husband and she has lied, lied and lied to him, told him so very many lies about very many things. She told him that she’s not part of any religion, faith or cult and my husband told her the name of the church who he is a member of and that he was baptized as when he was much, much younger and he told her that she is a member of the same church as he was/is and her voice sounded fake/falsely surprised – surprised in a fake/false way, she pretended to be all surprised, she pretended to act and to behave all surprised because months and months earlier she done triangulation between herself, my husband’s church and me and my husband – she is such a liar, a deceitful, deceptive person. She told her father that she has her own personal god – who’s that then – herself, Lucifer the Fallen Angel, Satan the Devil, some other false god or is it the god that I believe in – God the Father Almighty – The Creator – Yahuveh, God the Son – Jesus Christ, Yeshua Hamashiach, God the Holy Spirit – Ruach Ha Kodesh – the Holy Trinity, One God – from the Holy Bible – the Word of God?. Jesus Christ – Yeshua Hamashiach is the Way, the Truth and the Life so He knows that the truth is is that she – my older cerebral covert malignant textbook Narcissist stepdaughter has undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, her biological mother – my husband’s ex-girlfriend has undiagnosed cerebral covert textbook malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that my stepdaughter’s female best friend has undiagnosed somatic covert textbook malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that all 3 of these women covertly abused me in a covert and secretive way, they have done Gaslighting – Cognitive Dissonance, Projection, Triangulation, smear and hate campaigns against me, slander, defamation of character, libel against me, that they have told lots and lots of lies about me, done deceit and deception about me and that they have done so much, much more pure evil, satanic, occultism, witchcraft, etc…, etc…, etc…, against me and against my whole entire biological bloodline, blood-related and marriage-related family members family from both of my mother’s and my father’s sides of my family, my nuclear family, my family of origin, the police, solicitors, the legal system, the RSPCA, private investigators, etc…, lots and lots and lots of flying monkeys – the 3 women have turned these people against me and murdered my father and 1 of his sister’s – my aunt through either witchcraft, Wicca, black magic, voodoo/voodoo dolls, hoodoo/hoodoo dolls, devil worship, satanism, lucifer worship, death spells, curses, hexes, hot foot spells, cross conditioned spells, etc…, and cast family relationships break up spells between me and every member of my family, cast marriage and relationship break up spell between me and my husband, cast a divorce spell between me and my husband – these 3 women have done all of these things. I’m sure all 3 of these women plus, the rest of their family members, their friends, their best friends, their family friends, their work colleagues, their employers, supervisors, bosses, managers, etc…, will be dancing in, through, around and outside the massive stones and screaming like wild screaming banshees at Stonehenge, Southern U.K on Halloween night between 12.00 p.m midnight the witching hour and 4.00 a.m the morning probably this Halloween night this year in 2018. God is absolutely everywhere all at the same time, He is all-powerful, all almighty, all-knowing God and He knows that I have never ever abused, bullied, hurt, harmed any of these 3 women. He has seen things which no-one else has seen – covert abuse and He has heard and listened to things that no-one else has heard or listened to – covert abuse. I believe that my stepdaughter is extremely delusional as she might believe that she might be able to try to manipulate God against me, use Him against me, tell lies, etc…, about me to Him, etc…, etc…, etc…, she might have lying, deceitful, deceptive spirits and religious spirits around her, she might be doing doctrines of devils, counterfeit christianity, counterfeit christian doctrines and she might be ONLY reading the holy bible’s scriptures that she wants to read that will suit her pure evil agenda, that will benefit her, be beneficial to her, that will convenience her, that will be of convenience to her, she is selective reading ONLY the holy bible’s scriptures that suit her – she is not and she will not read the holy bible’s scriptures that does the opposite for her – that goes against her pure evil agenda. One of the Ten Commandments is Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbour – she knows that she has broken this commandment thousands of times but she is deluded and delusional and she thinks that she can manipulate God, use God, tell lies, deceit, deception about me to Him, to turn God – who is MY God against Me, well, God knows her heart, He knows what’s inside her heart and He knows that her heart is pure evil and that what’s inside her heart is pure evil, He knows that she is a liar, deceitful, deceptive and He knows that she is of her father Satan the Devil – who is the father of all lies, God knows that she will NEVER EVER be able to turn Him against me, or, manipulate Him against me, or to tell lies, etc…, about me to Him because God knows the truth about her about her Narcissistically abusing me, etc…, etc…, etc…, and He knows that I am the victim of her Narcissistic abuse, so He will bless me, defend me, protect me, etc…, etc…, etc…, from her, from her biological mother and from her female best friend, from all of their flying monkeys, Yahuveh will protect, defend, support, guide, guard, advise, bless me from all of these people. He knows that she will NEVER EVER be able to bribe Him or bribe her way into Heaven. She will NEVER EVER be able to hoodwink Him or even to pull the wool over His eyes or over His ears. She will NEVER EVER be able to be sycophantic towards Him or to ingratiate herself towards Him or to try and act and behave as normal or civil as she possibly can towards Him. When she dies she will be spending all of eternity burning in the Lake of Fire in Hell and she will have eternal suffering, eternal pain, eternal torment – mentally, emotionally, physically in her spiritual body, her spirit, her soul and she will suffer eternal separation from God – all of these things are waiting for her after she dies, when she dies and she goes from the physical realm and goes into the supernatural realm – that’s her karma and that karma is bad karma and that bad karma is her own bad karma it’s all of her own doing she only has herself to blame she will NEVER EVER be able to blame me or God or anyone else. She brought all of this on onto herself that’s what she will be looking forward to. She will spend all of eternity in Hell and there are NO escape routes in Hell, there are NO breaks, or rest, NO relief from the eternal pain, suffering, torment in Hell and she will suffer eternal separation from God because she will spend all of eternity in Hell.

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    October 24, 2018

    Dear Melanie and Rachel, Poor you Mel! It’s good that you recognized your previous N’s in this community because knowledge is power! Have you warned all your moderators and all the people who come on here that your previous N’s have been on here and what your previous N’s identities are so that all of us can ignore and avoid your previous N’s and their comments on here?. Rachel I have tried to pray for my Narcissist stepdaughter to God for Him to heal her of her NPD but now I have sort of prayed against her, I have been saying “NO weapon that my stepdaughter ___________________ has formed against me, my marriage and my relationship with my husband, mine and my husband’s marital life, mine and my husband’s marital home shall prosper” and I have been saying “I rebuke my stepdaughter_____________________ in the name of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Yeshua Hamashiach”, “I rebuke my stepdaughter’s biological mother – my husband’s ex-girlfriend________________________ in the name of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Yeshua Hamashiach”, “I rebuke my stepdaughter’s female best friend_________________________ in the name of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Yeshua Hamashiach” and “I rebuke all of my stepdaughter’s_________________________, all of my stepdaughter’s biological mother’s____________________________, and all of my stepdaughter’s female best friend’s________________________ flying monkeys in the name of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Yeshua Hamashiach”. I became a born-again christian in 2014 and I can stand in the full authority, all powerful and all might of His name which I can have full access to when I am inside of His name and use that against my stepdaughter, her biological mother and her best friend. I have said all of these things already and it’s proving to be fully effective already as she didn’t make a home visit at all last week, she didn’t come up Monday 2 days ago and she didn’t come up Tuesday yesterday either. I have tried to forgive her unconditionally sincerely from my heart but it didn’t work. She has never apologized to me so how can I forgive her because she has never apologized to me?. How can person A forgive person B if person B has never apologized to person A? I still hate with a passion, I still passionately hate, feel extremely angry towards and I am absolutely livid with and full of wrath towards all 3 of these women!!!. My stepdaughter is pretending to be whiter than white, she is being sanctimonious, holier-than-thou, self-righteous. She thinks she’s above and beyond reproach, the law, the legal system, that she can take the law into her own hands and avoid the consequences, avoid the accountability, responsibility of her own behaviours, attitude, words, actions and deeds, she thinks she’s untouchable. She’s 100% wrong, incorrect and she’s 100% politically incorrect on all of these things. She’s using God and the holy bible as ways for her to somehow justify the abuse she and the other 2 women inflicted upon me, using God and the holy bible against me and using God and the holy bible to use in spiritual warfare – spiritual warfare that she’s using against me. I have been doing spiritual warfare against all 3 women because they are all Narcissists who abused me and God is the Truth so He knows the truth about the history of these 3 women and I, He knows, realizes, understands that all 3 women inflicted abuse upon me in a covert, secretive way so He knows, realizes, understands that He is my witness and that He is not their witness. He witnessed all 3 women covertly abusing me, no other human being has been a witness of these 3 women covertly abusing me. So it’s good that I have God the creator of the universe and of everything and of everyone as a witness, as my witness to all 3 women covertly abusing me as there are no human witnesses here on planet Earth who witnessed these women abusing me. My stepdaughter has been talking about things from the holy bible and trying to justify herself, etc…,. She may be trying to falsely accuse me of being horrible, nasty to, abusing my husband – her father. She may be telling other people lies by saying that he told her that he’s scared and frightened of me and living in fear of me when in truth he said to her that he’s not scared of me, he’s not frightened of me, he’s not living in fear of me. Me and him have hugged and kissed each other while she was looking at us during that time. She heard and listened to him telling me that he loves me, etc…, etc…, etc…, while she was looking at us whilst me and him were talking to each other. She’s trying to falsely portray me as being manipulative and as a liar by her saying that how bad she feels that her father has been put in harm’s way for him being married to and living with me and for me and him being in each others lives, and that she believed the manipulations and lies?! Her father – my husband has not been put and is not put in harm’s way for me and him being married to each other, being husband and wife and living together with each other in our own marital life in our own marital home, I have not been manipulating and I have not been telling lies to her, to my husband, to anyone else because I am not a manipulative, lying person. I’m not manipulative, I’m not a liar, I’m not deceitful, I’m not deceptive, I’m not dishonest, I don’t exaggerate anything, I don’t sugar-coat anything. I’m a brutally honest and truthful person. I tell the truth. I’ve already told my husband the truth about his daughter, her biological mother – his ex-girlfriend and his daughter’s female best friend and about what they are really like as people. She has been cyber-stalking me and spying on me and spying on my Facebook profile and she’s been reading my posts on my timeline on there and she’s been saying that I have been gloating. I love and care about my husband very, very much. I am nice and lovely towards him.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 24, 2018

      Hi Christine,

      It’s not poor me at all. Truly I couldn’t care less and I have no control over it, how could I? I don’t warn them and we know when a boundary Is put down re protocol or code of conduct, and they expose themselves.

      Truly my life is not about looking out for and protecting against Ns. It’s about releasing my trauma and showing up as my True Self.

      If I was trying to look out then I’d be chasing shadows and not focused on where the power is inside me – or encouraging others to do the same.

      The Mods treat all equally which also includes generating everyones personal responsibility to heal themselves.

      The reason people have been exposed as Ns in the NARP Forum (whether they are previously connected to me or not) is because they refuse to do this – and the difference in their application to the people who do is night and day.

      It’s very rare, but of course it can happen. But does it need to stop us healing and have an awesome life? Not at all!

      No one doing the work needs to be warned, it all just presents anyway in the NARP Forum and every day life.

      Again it’s about who WE are being!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    October 24, 2018

    When one is healed their life is so beautiful that there is no time to think or care about toxic people.

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    October 24, 2018

    I have been and I still am under a support agency for over 2 years now and there are 3 support systems in place for me and my loved one for years now so that’s 3 support systems altogether in total and I have been fully exposing my stepdaughter, her biological mother and my stepdaughter’s female best friend as undiagnosed covert Narcissists to my support agency for a very, very long time now. I explained absolutely everything to them – covert NPD, Gaslighting – Cognitive Dissonance, Projection, Triangulation, Flying Monkeys, the Idealize, Devalue and Discard Phases, slander, defamation of character, libel, smear campaigns, manipulations, lies, deceit, deception, dishonesty, indoctrinations, conditioning, brain-washing, etc…, etc…, etc…, that these 3 women did to me. I also explained to them that my stepdaughter is devious, scheming, calculating, opportunistic, stealthy, sneaky, crafty, cunning, sly, two-faced, full of machiavellianism, manipulative, lying, deceitful, deceptive, dishonest, that she plays the victim, she falsely portrays herself as a victim, then falsely accuses me of playing the victim, as weird, scary, coy, insecure, jealous, as mentally ill, mentally unstable, as abusive, nasty, horrible, as a bully, villain, bad, evil, toxic person and that she overtly is sycophantic towards other people, is overtly ingratiates herself towards other people, that she tries to be, act and behave as normal and as civil as she possibly can in an overtly way towards other people, that she is overtly charming towards other people. She does divide and conquer, she plays people off against each other over her, for other people to have arguments, disagreements, discord, strife over her and for people to end their friendships, relationships, marriages with each other over her, that her covert abuse that she inflicts upon 1 person destroys and ends the friendship, etc…, that her victim has with another person all because of her and her covert abuse by proxy, her and her covert abuse has knock-on effects between her victim and another person and the victim’s and the other person’s friendship, etc…, – the other person who has never witnessed the covert abuse that she has inflicted upon her victim or inflicted upon anyone else. She wants herself and her covert abuse to come between 2 people and their friendship, etc…, then she wants to take or forcibly drag the other person away from her victim, then she wants to try to get these 2 people out of each others lives, then she tries to help this other person start divorce proceedings, file for divorce from her victim, she tries to end 2 people’s relationship or friendship and then she wants to have this other person all to herself – for her to be the only person, the only woman in this other person’s life – she’s extremely selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate and she’s hogging this other person all for herself all to herself, she refuses to share this other person with her victim. I have explained that she attempted to do all of these things between me and my husband, our marriage, our relationship, our marital life, our marital home, my life and his life to my support agency and that she must already be planning, scheming an evil plan, hidden agenda, ulterior motives, means, motives and opportunities and she must be doing it in premeditated ways already – for her to do all of these things between me and my support agency and that she will manipulate them, turn them against me, tell them lies, deceit, deception, dishonesty about me, indoctrinate, brainwash, etc…, them against me and my support agency have reassured me that she can be as sycophantic towards and ingratiate herself with them as much as she can, as much as she wants because she cannot manipulate them, she cannot turn them against me, they will never believe her lies, etc…, that she will tell them about me, she cannot indoctrinate, brainwash them against me, she cannot do divide and conquer between me and them, she cannot play me and them off against each other – my support agency have reassured me of this. I have explained situations, incidents when I have been alone on my own with all 3 women at once, with 2 of the women and with just me and each 1 woman at a time without my husband and without anyone else being around and that they covertly abused me and that my stepdaughter has done Gaslighting – Cognitive Dissonance to me in a phone conversation with me – I explained all this to my support agency I have explained absolutely everything to my support agency and they are fully aware of, realize, understand and know!!!. My stepdaughter has also said something along the lines of having my inner circle to be taken away from me and the care agency to be taken away from me and to have the No.1 top biggest care and support organization to be taken away from me. She has already tried to insidiously infiltrate the biggest care and support organization by her phoning them up without me knowing – her complaining about me shutting the front door in her face and her telling lies about me to them, etc…, etc…, etc…, shortly after I shut the front door in her face and I shut the front door in her face around 18 months ago. A few weeks ago she said again that she would try to phone them back again – for her to cause no end of trouble for me to them and for her to ultimately turn them against me with her manipulation, lies, indoctrinations, divide and conquer, etc…, etc…, etc…, I explained all of this to my support agency too and they have reassured me that they will be in touch, get in contact with this big organization and that they – my support agency will warn this big organization about my stepdaughter – that she is a covert abuser and they will speak to, talk to this big organization about all of this. She has insidiously infiltrated another care agency already and I have warned a few of the care agency employees about her being a covert abuser – which I have done already – I have explained all of this as well too to my support agency so me and my support agency knows exactly what she has done already and what she’s going to do next in all of her steps of her evil plan. She’s going to try to insidiously infiltrate my support agency – but, she cannot do that because me and my support agency are impenetrable and we are closely and tightly knit together, me and my support agency are the A – Team!!. She bumped into one of my people when my person made a home visit to visit and to see me, not my husband. My stepdaughter was quite strange, weird, something was off, was not quite right about her. Now, my stepdaughter is talking about how one woman can be strong, courageous, etc…, things like that about one woman, why is she talking about one woman for?. That’s very, very strange to me. My stepdaughter has only met just one of my people. Try and figure out what I am trying to say here – the gender of my person. My person has given me lots and lots of reassurance that my stepdaughter cannot turn them against me, that my stepdaughter cannot do divide and conquer between me and them, that my stepdaughter cannot play me and them off against each other, etc…, etc…, etc…, and since my stepdaughter bumped into one of my people at our home address – my stepdaughter hasn’t been up to our home address since since then – so that’s another reason why my stepdaughter hasn’t been up to our marital home – my stepdaughter has done a disappearing act. She selfishly and self-centeredly has her own terms and conditions of her coming up to visit, see and speak to my husband. She will only visit, see him and talk with him on her own terms and conditions – when it suits her. She wants to get and to have what she wants and she wants to get and to have her own way, she expects the whole world to do her bidding, she believes that the whole world owes her a living – she’s got to realize, understand and know that all of these things don’t happen in life and that life’s not like that!!. She cannot always get to have what she wants, she cannot always get to have her own way, the world, the whole world are not going to do things for her, the world, the whole world is not going to serve her. A few weeks ago when she made a home visit, I was hiding on my side of the bed on the carpeted bedroom floor beside and almost under my side of the bed – my side of the bed which is furthest away from the bedroom door and she waits for my husband to leave the lounge and to go into the bathroom first before she covertly comes into the bedroom and she comes over to the end of the bed nearest to my side of the bed and she crouches down to the bedroom floor and she sees me – I don’t see her face, I didn’t see her face and now she’s been saying that her nightmares are ones of hiding. She’s hoping that she can take all 3 care and support agencies including the biggest care and support organization all away from me. What can me and my support agency do to prevent her from her doing any or all of this and to prevent any or all of this from happening?.

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Christine
    October 24, 2018

    Dear Melanie, that’s my own way of giving you my empathy. If I said anything wrong or bad then I am sorry please accept my apology. It’s all about ourselves, going within meeting our inner child, meeting our wounds, etc…, healing them, shifting them and releasing them, it’s not about the Narcissist at all – that’s what I’m trying to learn and to improve my social communication skills, widen my vocabulary, have a better communication style and to form and speak in intellectual sentences when speaking. I need to re-train my subconscious mind as I have had 2 horrible dreams over the past few weeks, I need to do and to have healing for that. Thank-you from Christine

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 25, 2018

      Hi Christine,

      I understand and thank you. Just know turning inwards is the answer.

      The longer we look outwards the more time we spend denying ourselves that healing.

      Which is not the orientation of this Thriver Community. There are many other Forums that exclusively do that.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • karinej13@gmail.com'
    Karen
    October 25, 2018

    Hi Melanie. You helped me so much this past years, you have no idea. Long story short, I have a 5 years old son with a narcissit, that I finally leave two years ago after 15 years of a bumby relationship . He still make me pay for « abandoning him », using our son, of course, and everything in the book to punish me. The breakup have been a living hell. I know that I will never get closure from him and I am ok with that, I don’t want his excuses because I know he’s incapable. But even when I’m doing pretty good to keep my head out of the water, despite everything, sometimes I’m struck by crippling pity for him, to know that he is alone like if HE was a 5 years old boy (he’s over 50) and THAT pity, keep me away from closure. It feel like I will never get rid of this feeling.

    • karinej13@gmail.com'
      Karen
      October 27, 2018

      Oups. A part of my comment is missing. I was just saying that I feel that my narcissist ex will never understand why I have left him and I think that is ego is keeping him out of the knowing of is « condition ». So that part who I have empathy for him, for the fact that I see him alone and «clueless » of why I left, is the one who keep me away from closure. I suppose I don’t need excuses but understanding from him. Saying that, I realise that I’m still waiting for something outside of me to happen. Not healed yet, I guess. 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 27, 2018

      Hi Karen,

      I’m glad that my information has been able to help you so much up to this point.

      Please know that it is the deeper healing, the finding and releasing of the painful traumas and beliefs in our past that keep us hooked up into not getting closure, that are the stumbling block.

      That’s why the inner work to find and release these is the true solution to break free … it’s not a cognitive thing!

      I’d love you to connect to my inner transformational resources do that you can powerfully and quickly find and turn that key.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angelinalazar@gmail.com'
    Angelina Lazar
    October 30, 2018

    Hey Mel!
    Awesome as always!
    Yes… the WHOLE THING IS they REFUSE to VALIDATE WHO YOU ARE!
    – Because IF THEY DO, they would be ADMITTING HOW MUCH MORE YOU ARE than THEM!
    Voila!
    This is WHAT they can NEVER do!
    They are EMPTY SHELLS of people!
    Totally VOID of DEEP EMOTION, COMPASSION, LOVE & AFFECTION!
    SAD. . . .
    And YES… they DO THINK YOU need HELP… not THEM!…..
    SENSELESS BEINGS on this planet, for sure!

    Anyway, THANK YOU!
    Will definitely be going through your NARP Program; still getting to that!
    Even though I left my mother to God when I was 8 years old; I saw RIGHT THROUGH HER then and NEVER LOOKED BACK!
    But they keep trying to GET YOU BACK IN THE SYSTEM!
    NOT A CHANCE!
    I have SET MY BOUNDARIES SO STRONG, they’re a FORTRESS, and NOT A ONE OF ‘EM DARES ASK ME A QUESTION!
    Her and 2 generations under her that bought into her MALARKEY!

    It DOES teach you to REALLY DEVELOP yourself!
    People MARVEL over HOW EVOLVED I AM!
    I did SO MUCH WORK on SELF, I INVEST EVERYTHING IN ME!
    AND LOVE LIFE, ANIMALS, PLANTS, PEOPLE & MY CHURCH!
    They say I brighten a room when I walk in and that I pass on SO MUCH JOY to others, it’s INFECTIOUS!

    This has to be the IMPETUS!
    They WILL YOU EVIL, but God turns it ALL AROUND FOR GOOD (Rom 8, 28)!
    The POISON IS THE CURE, Mel!

    Best & God Bless!
    xo¬A
    +Q-S/

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