Melanie Tonia Evans

2019 Is Your Year To Thrive

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 8
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


It’s so good to be back – after enjoying time with family and loved ones, the beach and lots of great food and company!

(All the things that make Thriving and holidays a joy!)

I hope with all my heart that you had a lovely relaxing break as well and that you are excited about the possibilities for 2019.

And please know, I understand that you may be still deeply in the throes of narcissistic abuse and trauma and have had a really hard time over the holiday break – which naturally could have brought up a great deal of pain for you.

My heart goes out to you, if this is your life right now.

I’ve been there … I know how painful that is.

Or maybe you are Thriving and getting ready to set your intentions for what you would like to achieve this year.

Regardless of where you are at, I want to kick off this New Year inspirationally, in a way that can maximise our ability to let go of painful situations and people, or old stuck habits, or any fear or unworthiness, to free ourselves to expand into the life, abundance, joy and dreams that is our birthright to experience.

In this first Thriver TV video back, I have included some steps that I know can set your 2019 up to be your best year ever … and I can’t wait to start generating that with you!



Video Transcript

I’m so pleased to be back, as well as preparing and gearing up for another year of incredible healing and breakthrough.

The MTE team and I hope you have had a wonderful holiday break, and whether you are back at work or not yet, I hope that you are feeling hopeful for what this year may bring.

Regardless of whether you are still in the throes of pain and abuse and dissatisfying relationships, no matter who that person is in your life, or if you have left that person behind and are already Thriving, I want to inspire you with today’s episode.

I’d really like to think, that if you haven’t yet broken through to better feelings and relationships and starting to reach your goals, that 2019 can provide that in spades for you.

These times that we are living in, are getting very powerful and exciting when we know how to navigate them, and right now we have an opportunity to put our best foot forward, and FINALLY say goodbye to all the junk and stuff that we no longer want as our life.

We all know that new years are all about new intentions and new beginnings, but this is about more than just that, because the more and more I learn about Thriving, this is what I know, our growth lies in letting go of the things that we are attached to that are still not serving us.

Why is this so essential?

Because the energy of ‘change’ must have the space to enter and take hold.

You can’t park a new Ferrari where the garage is blocked by a rusty old wreck. Our old habits, ways of being, regrets, unhealed and unfinished business only keeps us clogged up and mired in ‘more of the same’.

To be an actualised human being, opening to experiencing our greatest expansion and potential, requires great courage. It necessitates honouring our Inner Being and its truth, rather than selling that out for the mental constructs and egoic desires that our personality can stubbornly cling to.

It requires purposefully doing what is distinctly uncomfortable in order to dissolve away our familiar Old Self, who is often stuck in old painful beliefs, patterns, relationships and habits. And the most powerful thing we can do to achieve that is, stop looking outwards and go inwards instead.

Something incredibly powerful happens when we do this and say, “I now commit to healing and changing the parts of myself stuck in old patterns so that I can go free to generate new and more pleasing realities.”


What Do You Need To Let Go of?

Now the next question we can ask ourselves is: “What do I need to let go of in order to change?” And to get your 2019 powerfully started, my suggestion is to ask yourself exactly this.

My suggestion is to sit with a journal and pen, and write down this following question: “What do I need to let go of in order to start living as my Highest and Truest Self?”

Then be really honest with yourself and list whatever arises for you. We always know the answer, even though we may not want to.

Is it clutter and loose ends that are weighing you down? (I truly can’t suggest this enough as your starting point. Do you know how much FRESH energy you can allow into your life by releasing all your old junk and stuff you no longer have a purpose for?)

Is it addictions that you are using to self-medicate, rather than process and heal your emotions through to completion?

Is it excessive time wasting to numb out, such as TV or social media?

Is it repeat patterns in your life that you are still living, hoping that someone or something will change THIS time?

Is it lingering and painful emotional baggage?

Is it staying stuck with painful people and situations that are causing you damage?

Is it pretending to be and do something that is not Who You Really Are?

It’s well worth taking your time with this list because by bringing awareness in, you are shaking yourself out of the trance and starting to understand these fundamental truths: ‘If nothing changes, nothing changes’ and ‘I must become the change I want to live in order to experience it.’


Being In the Void – Healthily

The next step towards generating your new empowered and healthy 2019, is understanding that when we let go, there is an emptiness, a distinct discomfort as the Old Self and Life start to dissolve away, and the New Self and Life starts appearing.

We need to be prepared to be there and live through this time because that is where our True Alchemy is activated.

It’s during this time of letting go that we are granted incredible opportunities to stop distracting ourselves from the real inner work that sets the foundations of our entire life. It’s here that we truly get to love and support ourselves and adopt inner healing routines that allow us to let go and start living free of our previous trauma, therefore healing ourselves back to wholeness.

Be aware your ego and personality will resist this with all of its might. Your ego wants logical proof and can’t believe in a new future that it hasn’t experienced yet. Therefore, we need to bring our power into our beings, our bodies, our knowing which is where our true Creation power is activated.

It’s confronting work. It’s uncomfortable and absolutely it’s painful, yet rather than running from the painful aspects of ourselves and our life that aren’t serving us, that haunt and hunt us down as well as sabotage our life, we finally get to meet them, hold them and release them. Then we have the golden key to enter trajectories of life that we never had access to before this time.

It’s this time of being in ‘the void’ that people mistake as ‘depression’ and even ‘failure’. It is crazy how we believe that hanging onto the old ways and life is better than nothing. Yet it’s when we clear the deck and have the courage to be with ourselves without what society may deem as acceptable, and just be true to our values and Inner Being rather than clutch on to outer props, that the miracles start unfolding in our life.

We also find the peace, security, love and true esteem that was only ever genuinely authentic from within. We thought we had to conquer life and others, yet we always needed to conquer ourselves, meaning release our dense inner parts stuck in painful traumas and beliefs and bring in the light to where these were.

This was only ever possible when we stopped self-avoiding and self-abandoning what was really going on inside us.


We No Longer Have ‘Time’ To Not Be Aligned

Time is racing now and speeding up. Each year is going faster and faster. I’ve been talking about this for years, and there are reasons that are Quantum as to why this is happening, but that’s not the discussion for today. What is the conversation is as about how to be the most actualised beings we can in the most direct, powerful and fastest ways.

We literally don’t have time to stay stuck anymore. Doing so only tears us apart, because the energetic frequency we are all living in now, doesn’t support this.

Here is the complete simple answer – decide with all your heart what you want, and then let go of all that is in resistance to that. Then align with speaking and being what this is, and support yourself with inner healing while the old order breaks down and the new order starts breaking through.

If you do this, you will change your life beyond description in ways and time frames that seem like magic. That is how powerful time and energy moves now.

Let me grant you a simple example that you can apply to any area of your life to break through into your most incredible year of Thriving yet.

Why? Because this formula snaps off old programs and implements new ones in their place.

Okay, this begins by …


Step 1: Name your painful repeat pattern.

An example may be, ‘People don’t value me and treat me with respect”. Other more specific patterns may be, ‘Controlling relationships’ “Loveless relationships’ ‘Abusive relationships.’


Step 2: Identify what it is that you would like to experience.

List what you want and require to be valued and respected and what ‘healthy’ would look like. (You may need to do some research around this to get clear).


Step 3: Clean up the areas in your life that you are not valuing and respecting yourself.

Absolutely this involves self-care, eating healthily and moving your body, honouring yourself with things like exercise, as well as practising healthy self-talk and support. This also includes stopping ‘giving to get’, not being able to say ‘no’, and believing if you don’t allow other people to treat you badly that they will reject you and you won’t be loved.


Step 4: Speak your boundaries about what you require to move forward with people not honouring your truth – clearly and honestly and directly.

Have no attachment to the outcome. You are honouring the Creation of your entire life. That is paramount. Be willing to lose it all to get it all.


Step 5: Ascertain YOUR truth from this.

If this person doesn’t get it, doesn’t respect your feelings as valid or has no desire to work as a team, that doesn’t matter because FINALLY you get it. Now it’s time to let this person and situation go, no matter how much that hurts, and start being the generative source of what it is that you do want as your life.


Step 6: Going forward, you are determined to be a source of love and respect to yourself.

You are honest about what you need from people, you are prepared to directly and honestly have difficult conversations. If people don’t have the resources to match you at the level that you love and respect yourself and others, let go and keep generating and creating a life with those who do.

I promise you that when you get this stuff right, they absolutely do exist! Your life will fill with healthy friends, associates, colleagues and intimate life travellers.


We Are All In This Together!

I love our community, and I love sharing every part of my growth, awareness and expansions with you, and I am very excited to partner with you deeply this year with my blogs, YouTube videos, social media channels and of course the core healing system in this community, the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP).

So, let’s all join together to heal, breakthrough and flourish and create the best life for ourselves, our loved ones and our world possible.

I can’t wait to start this up again with you, for 2019, next week!

And, I’d love you to share what your intentions and goals are for 2019 and what you need to let go of to achieve them.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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43 Thoughts on 2019 Is Your Year To Thrive
    Sandra Lee Kaiser
    January 11, 2019

    Thank-you very very much Melanie! I wish you a wonderful new year!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      It’s my pleasure Sandra,

      A beautiful New Year to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        January 17, 2019

        Thank you again Melanie for bringing out thoughts and feeling I have deeply in my soul. I always need your readings and videos.


        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          January 17, 2019

          Hi Kate,

          You are welcome and I’m so pleased my stuff heaps you!

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    Yes yes yes! 2019 will be my year! After horrific abuse a few years ago, I made it out (thanks to you) after working on myself for awhile now. This year, 2019 will be MY YEAR. I set a powerful intention. I will meet the right person and will be in a loving, caring, healthy relationship, but more importantly, I am committed to continue to grow and learn. What happened to me a few years ago is an old story, and I am no longer living in it!

    Wishing you Melanie a very happy new year!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi LindaC,

      I love your intentions and alignment and that’s wonderful that you are doing so well.

      Sending continued love and blessings to you Linda!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️


    January 11, 2019

    PS: And thank you for mentioning about that feeling of being a bit out of sorts as we go through this amazing process! I was feeling exactly that…..sort of lost (but not really) but more of an empty feeling. I started getting it confused with perhaps I am doing something wrong, but now I realize that with the remarkable shifts that I have been making, it’s the new, REAL me coming out and so I need to introduce myself. lol Thanks again.

    January 11, 2019

    Hey Mel!

    SO wonderful to watch your first video for 2019. I worked all through the holidays and wished I had more down time but it was a blessing because of financial need. I echo what someone else has said regarding feeling worse before better … for me I recognized that part of it is that I now am paying attention to the “little me” and her need for me to meet her where she is … frustrating when so busy and can’t stop to go through the steps to meet, hold & release. I work with the public to an extent so I can’t always ‘disappear’ literally or figuratively to do a QF healing. BUT, I’m targeting THAT issue of not having more quiet and privacy for any length of time to work on myself. Even though I’m not where I want to be YET, I’m so excited that I’m not nearly where I used to be! One year later now from when I discovered MTE and I see so much more clearly, I’m not unconscious anymore, I’m recognizing so much more easily if a Narc/toxic person is targeting me and I’m steering clear and “punching the air” as you put it! 2019 is going to be a year of huge growth for so many of us and I thank you again from the heart for everything!! Blessings to you and to everyone who help you keep the “engine room” at MTE running. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Robin,

      Happy 2019 to you!

      It seems like you have it all covered, and I love that you are punching the air now!

      Keep shining and expanding sweet soul!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    I’ve cleared out and healed my inner traumas that brought narcissistic abuse in personal relationships. I can honestly say that my ex-narc and narcissistic family of origin no longer trigger me. I have set the intention to make a successful career in a new line of work in a new industry (I was holding onto a past career that never served me or made me happy). I am using the ES course to achieve this (along with the GSM). I am excited for what 2019 holds for me professionally and I can’t say I’ve ever been happy about my career before now. Thank you, Melanie and MYE team for all of your support. Much love to you all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Katie,

      You’ve done such a beautiful job of uplevelling you!

      How fantastic that you are breaking through into your True career Joy now!

      Many continued blessings and success to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    Wow. This is just what I needed to finish my first week back at work. I went NC with my sister several years ago and life has got so much better since then. However, I felt stuck in my work life and going back this week was tough for the first time ever (I’m self employed).

    Now I can see the way forward, thanks to reading this. I can see what I need to think about and do. Thank you so much! 2019 could be an excellent year now I have a plan. And I can see why I struggled at work last year. Thank you again Melanie!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Allison,

      I’m so pleased that this has been helpful, and I’m wishing you the very best 2019 possible!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    So good to have you back happy new year …without Narp programme I wouldn’t be who I am now …and I still do module one when life gets me down to see what it is that has come back to hurt me thank you for everything x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Catherine,

      Thank you for your warm welcome back!

      I love the NARP continues to help you heal and expand you!

      So many blessings to you this year and always.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    “the void” can be such a huge block and pull, back into the same harmful patterns and addictions a person tries to let go of.. and then the dreaded egoistic inner voice of bad-talk that just makes the feeling of being stuck, even more sticky.

    This episode is truly an inspiration to get fully committed and embrace the uncomfortable and painful stuff and letting it go. I’ve only recently realised how HUGE my fear of feeling that void is, and how my mind would cling to any feeble excuse to stay stuck in the same harmful patterns just to have a false sense of familiarity and security… But no more! Thank you for this eposide and thanks to the MTE team, you-guys are awesome!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Vanessa,

      Thank you for your comment and so inspirationally and accurately sharing this for yourself and others.

      Sending you incredible breakthroughs from the void that holds the potential of All That Is.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    That must be one of your most powerful and “go get” messages Mel, thank you. I’m going to replay it, re-read it and take it inside of me to make this the year I truly escape all the narcissistic restrictions that have been strangling me for nigh on three decades. I’ve had such major fears to get past, to let go, reshape my existence. It’s so much “easier” to stay put and whinge to everyone on how hard done by I am but where does that get me? Yep, more of the same, much more of the same to the point of the deepest depression and a ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’ scenario.

    I’ve been lacking in courage to do anything for me for so long, Health scares aplenty, major health frights and not one person caring if I live or die, tending to so many others who ‘need me’ but don’t want me, but never thinking of myself, as after all, no one really cares and they have an ever lowering opinion of me to the point of hatred where my N is concerned. I can’t work out if it’s best when he gives me prolonged Silent Treatments and is ultra secretative, or is chatty but snide/undermining me. They’re both horrible to live with. The only way is therefore up as I clutch at the NARP straws to help me up and away back to the original me. And after three decades I hardly know who I am anymore but I can guess and I can move towards it. Perhaps I will catch up with my old self one day!

    Thank you Mel as I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. This is a very powerful network and I feel so supported. And as you say 2019 is going ‘to be it’ for many of us – with your encouragement and wise words. Now where did I leave my courage, it must be hanging around somewhere near!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Awww Genna,

      You are such a sweet and giving lady. It totally is your time to detach from ‘them’ and fully give to you.

      This sooooo can be your incredible year of healing and breakthrough darling lady. Myself and the MTE team are here to hold your hand and heart all the way.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    Happy New atear to you Mel and to all in this programme.
    I am truly helped and inspired by so many of you when hearing your experiences and so wish you all love and happiness going forward.
    I have had a very abusive and painful adult life up until I finally made the decision to say “enough already!” It took all of the remaining strength and focus to leave behind the toxic relationships, marriages and family meme era and I So struggled. I found Mel on line and you guys and together with you all and counselling I am so much more today in a better frame of mind and place. It’s been four months and I am learning to speak up and place boundaries and say no and mean it. I am finally feeling able to trust myself to make decisions for my life and feel validated for myself and not seek it outside of me. I have lost friends and family members and job opportunities along the way but am determined to change from within and so without. I feel a void right now but know that things will get better as the wheel of fortune and life moves forward. Thank you for listening and keep up the good work all! Much love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Hi Debs,

      Happy New Year to you too!

      Your courage is so inspirational. Look how far you have come in these 4 months!

      Your breakthroughs are not far away Dear Lady!

      We are all holding the space, with love, for you and with you for them to appear.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Sandy Scruggs
    January 11, 2019

    Happy New Year Melanie! ❤ I needed this explaination of creating an emptiness to be filled with good stuff and happiness…all I have to do is keep moving forward and not retreat. That is where I am, ready to leap, and SURPRISE! My narcissistic older sister tries to pop back into my life after 20 years! We were raised in the same house, with an awesome dad and a beautiful, narcissistic mom. I became a super-empath, and she became the N-word (too hard to type again). Would my sister benefit from your program? I don’t want anything to do with her, so I’m thinking of pawning her off on you! Ha! If anything can help her, it is your program!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Happy New Year to you Sandy!

      It is so true Dear Lady that we can only take responsibility for our own life and development, and if others ask or conjoin or seek out assistance, then we can assist.

      Otherwise, we need to bless and allow them to choose their life as we continue to choose ours.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 11, 2019

    Dear Melania,

    To start this new year, I want to say thank you to you for all the support you give us through various medias (news letters, free tools, Thriver tv etc..) I had ended 2018 deeply depressed, homeless, jobless without friends or family, but with in my mind all your words of encouragement and empowerment. Precisely one year later I’m writing this letter of thanks from my new home, I have a full time job, contacts with my family, several friends and no sign of depression and ….I just celebrated my 63rd birthday! Thant’s right, 63. It has been a tough road and of course I did what I needed to do to turn my situation around, but as you keep repeating us, if you have it in you you will find it around you. What you gave me is confidence, that yes, I CAN do it, I can turn this dreadful situation around and live a healthy happy life with a good job and income, and friends. And I did it. I come out of this year humbled by how grand life and people are and grateful to you and all the people who have helped me crossing the bridge.

    Thanks Melania

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Dear Bee,

      Please know you are very welcome, it is my joy to provide them!

      I am so thrilled for you! Happy birthday beautiful lady! You are such a incredible inspiration!

      You deserve every happiness Bee, it’s wonderful that you did the hard yards and have broken through.

      Sending continued blessings and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Lorraine Wilcock
    January 11, 2019

    Love it love it love it….going to replay with a journal get some clarity and set some intentions. ..I am in the void presently…cut off from family ex old home town and today meeting to finish my present job due to sickness. The upside to losing job is that it was soul destroying I only started this job because I had lost all my confidence after last relationship with narcissist. Back then I had no idea what narcissim was…I was in a void then but totally different it felt like the black hole and I was falling deeper. …my new void feels lonely yes but pregnant with possibilities. I hold the reins to my life now…tentatively. ..but in my hand not someone else’s and that in itself is a breakthrough for me. THANK you Melanie to you and your lovely team. ..keep on shining…your reflection rubs off on us Thriver. .A wonderful new year to all X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 12, 2019

      Awww Lorraine,

      I feel just how pregnant with possibilities your life is now.

      Keep going Lovely Lady, your breakthroughs are coming. Just keep boing and doing what you need to do – which is align with your truth.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 12, 2019

    Dear Melanie
    Many thanks for existing and so generously sharing your insights with us. Your work has helped me more than I could have imagined and although I still have a long way to go I know, thanks to you, that a better life is possible.
    I wish you a very happy and fulfilling new year.
    Love from me xx

    January 12, 2019


    Your videos and blog posts have really helped me. I didn’t even realize the extent of my trauma until I began taking this journey of self-reflection thanks in large part to your knowledge and advice. I recently reconnected with an ex (my first love) whom I have kept on a pedestal in my mind for years upon years. When the relationship ended the first time, he moved on at lightning speed while I was left to figure out what had happened. He married less than a year after our breakup (we were college sweethearts and got engaged when we graduated). He was married for 10 years and that relationship ended in divorce.

    What I’ve learned from reconnecting with him is that instead of being mature enough to wish me well, he unloaded so much rage on me, going so far as to threaten me (for wounding he fragile ego by telling him the truth about his behavior, and how crazy it was for him to be so immature at the age of almost 40). He even blames me for his divorce! Our relationship ended 15 years ago and this man still harbors anger toward me. I have no doubt that his anger will last forever. In the midst of his rage, I stupidly apologized to him about what he felt I did wrong, and that’s when I realized that I was dealing with a very malignant narcissist whose goal was to lure me back into the crazy-making and punish me for abandoning him all those years ago, even though he was the one who began abusing me after we got engaged and he was the one who moved on so quickly once we broke up.

    After being threatened by him in the present tense, I am so thankful that I did not marry him all those years ago because he seems to have gotten worse with time. Reconnecting with him has been a painful experience but it was necessary. I have realized that my childhood trauma brought about by growing up in a narcissistic family has drawn me into a series of toxic relationships that I must take time to fully heal from in order to see situations and people as they really are. Thank you so much for helping me accomplish this. I intend to do whatever it takes to thrive in 2019!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 13, 2019

      Hi Corrie,

      What a powerful and liberating experience to finally receive the truth about him, and know what you need to do.

      Are you working with NARP? It really is the most powerful and precise I know to break through our old patterns.

      Here is to 2019 being your year!

      Sending love and healing

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 13, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    Love this video- so much light coming through you. Feel happy I am on the right track on the things you are talking about.
    I had powerful GSM 3 days ago to address acute survival fears and insomnia but the effect of that as well as slowing me down to be able to rest more was the ability to attack my clutter issues and stagnant things to do around the home with so much more energy than before. I’m going to keep on it now I’m
    making progress right through to spring and work towards paying for home improvements.
    Then the other big factor that came up for me lately is setting boundaries on my unpaid time for work and supporting others. So much to do here but the focus on myself, my self care and not neglecting my needs is in the forefront – to address CFS and health and happiness. This is already leading me to go modified contact and not sharing personal issues any more with those who haven’t been respecting my needs or feelings or value me. Taking my power back.
    All of these shifts have also been having effect on my son. He’s been having mini outbursts of anger leading to heartfelt sobs & breakthroughs in his feelings about life and others and his hurts and I hope to be able to help him to thrive more this year, it started to get much better from last August – since my breakthroughs on relationship/NC but more to do with FOO now.
    I have made some progress on work and being paid more for self employment since starting fresh in September so hope to breakthrough the poverty blocks this year!
    So much to do and like you say time really does speed up every year! Please do share more on this when you can?

    Look forward to seeing you in London!
    Much love 💕 thank you
    Sophie xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 13, 2019

      Hi Sophie,

      You are doing such an amazing job on healing and uplevelling.

      I am so happy for you and your son!

      I can’t wait to see you in the UK soon too.

      Thrive On Dear Sister.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 13, 2019

    Ps. Very helpful to talk about the empty void before new things unfold.
    I am in that place socially right now. There isn’t anyone healthy or loving to connect to. But rather than reach out to the wrong person as a reaction I am staying true to myself, holding NC with ex and others, and keeping checking in to myself and using modules whenever I can. As well as nature, inspiring movies and attending to all the unfinished business at home.
    Sophie x

    January 14, 2019

    I think I’ve turned a corner.

    On Christmas Eve, I sat in dread and dejection, anticipating the horror of the evening to come: the sniping, the triangulation, the snotty exclusion.

    But then, as I glowered at the coffee table with unfocused eyes, I suddenly relinquished my desire to evade the chaos, and that miasma just dissolved as I thought, “Meh.”

    And my almost cartoonish, pinpoint-narrow focus on the source of my torment widened, and I could now see outside myself beyond THEM to a boundless but benign and proportionate reality.

    Up to this point, I’d healed markedly, but this one almost offhand act of surrender unearthed an immense stratum of low-level anxiety that had menaced me for thirty-seven years. I’d done everything to uplevel this, or so I thought–pushing, pulling, squeezing (don’t ask)–and it would not budge. Now it was just…gone.

    And THEY felt this shift, too. Deprived of their anxiety dump, they immediately set about lining up a new target and tacitly invited me to join in the abuse. I tacitly declined.

    I simply let it all flow around me–the lying, the smearing, the occasional lunatic comment: “This Christmas music almost makes me feel like there’s something bigger than I am.” (Just…wow.)

    I did have a couple of “afterbubbles” the next day: an intense panic around a certain type of situation rose into my consciousness. I met it, and it dissipated.

    Then another intense fear, inchoate and nameless, arose a while later; I met it, and it too dissolved.

    I think I know why this happened the way it did. I’m a fairly visual person. Shifting seems to be, for me at least, a hypnotic process–and I can’t be hypnotized with sound, or I’ll pop out of the trance. That’s probably why no one else has ever been able to hypnotize me. So, in silence I could alight upon one peaceful speck of my being and let the work do its work.

    All of my blather here is just to say that if you’re having trouble shifting, it could be that you need to find the best way to focus for you. And it happens at a level far deeper than logic and in its own time.

    Wishing you all your own Magical Moment of Meh for 2019!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 15, 2019

      Hi d2,

      I love your magical moment of ‘meh’!

      Just beautiful that none of this no longer moved you … and so it was!

      Happy New Year beautiful soul.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 15, 2019

    I went no contact and instinctively (thank God) chose the higher path before I discovered what NPD even was which was just recently. I’ve felt stuck for the last month and then I ran across this. Everything I need to know at this point I just heard in the last 15 minutes. This is the way out and the way in for me. I cannot thank you enough. Sending you much love from where I’m at to where you are.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 15, 2019

      Hi Joel,

      I am so pleased that this resonates with you, and that you are already on this path.

      Much love to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 15, 2019

    You are an angel, Mel. Thank you for your words, they thouched me inside, right where it hurts.
    I need to let go my big fear of failure, my huge fear of not being good enough, in every side of my life. I want to thrive, I want to go back to my home country, I want to be brave and start my own business, I want to be with my family and create my own. I want to be connected to people. Thank you for this powerful message, I send you love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 15, 2019

      Much love to you too Gaia,

      I’m so pleased that this deeply resonates with you and has granted you hope and solution.

      Sending you blessings and breakthrough.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 16, 2019

    “… to be the most actualized beings we can in the most direct, powerful and fastest ways.”
    “…..Identify what it is that you would like to experience.”

    Here’s what I did to make this happen:

    When I asked myself a while back what is it that I really wanted, I wanted to not just see it in my head via imagination, I really wanted to feel that desire in every part of my body and emotions. I realized that what I really wanted was to feel the way I feel with an intimate partner the way I feel with my BFFs. I wanted to not care about my hair, makeup or clothes. I wanted to say whatever came to my heart and speak openly and freely without concerning myself as to whether a man would like it or use it against me somehow. I wanted to know what it feels like to be as relaxed and easy with a man as I am with everyone else. Which is how I use to be before getting into a relationship with a narc.

    So before I started my day and at the end of my morning meditation, I would imagine that every person I was going to meet had the face of my friend Chandra Faye on their torso. Man or woman didn’t matter. Everyone had her face. The cashier, the taxi driver, the waiter. Whomever. Because here’s what I have with my friend….I love her and she loves me and I have never given a thought of how I look to her like I did with men. I’ve never worried that when I called her to go out for a movie she would think I was desperate and judge me like I did with men. I would never feel rejected if she couldn’t join me like I did with men. I never cared about WHAT I ate in front of her or HOW much I ate in front of her like I did with men.

    I realized that all I ever wanted in a partner was to feel free and safe. That’s what I’ve always wanted to experience. So I put the face of someone safe on everyone and just relaxed into it. As long as I could feel those natural, relaxed feeling in my body for real, so could the men around me. It actually worked because the feelings were real. I even went so far as to go out to the mailbox completely unkempt and on days when the circles under my eyes were a bit darker from staying up too late, I didn’t bother with any concealer. My friends don’t care about that stuff so by vibrating the same kind of energy that I radiate with friends what could possibly happen? Miracles! Fear fell away. Guardedness fell away. Worry fell away. Healthy vulnerability appeared. Humor appeared. A carefree spirit appeared. Trust in self appeared. Then suddenly men just started talking to me and asking me out. I’ve learned since then that men care just as much about feeling free to be themselves as we do. Any other preferences they might have are further down on the list of desires for the men truly worth getting to know.

    The NARP modules helped me embrace “the little me” and by embracing the little me, I could begin to embrace all of me again.

    Happy New Year Mel! 2019 is the year for awesomeness! Thank you for all that you do!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 17, 2019

      Awwww Asha,

      I adore your share with all of us!

      It’s so beautiful and powerful.what greater joy than to be comfortable and free. And is there anything more attractive than this?


      I totally agree Asha what an incredible year 2019 is for all of us.

      Thank you sweetheart for being you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    January 17, 2019

    Happy New Year Mel! Thank you to you and your team for all the wonderful work and inspiration! 🙂

    2018 has continued the journey on many levels. My day-job skills were out of date and I won a grant to upgrade computer skills, which I successfully did. Then I found internships to continue that journey and put those skills into actual drawing sets. Years ago I wanted to write, but it seemed unattainable… since 2017 I have been writing and published regularly… A little over year ago I stood onstage in a theatre in town and realized I wanted – longed – to play harp on that stage for a full house… in December this year I played to a packed house for a run of 5 shows. How about that! In 2018 I realized I wanted musical partners to play with and do concerts together in addition to solo work, now I have a harp student who appeared in June and has learned so quickly we played a holiday concert together and have plans for more. And various other musicians have shown up, and we play together… Perhaps best of all, my daughter and I went through an estrangement aided and abetted by my ex (who after all is the reason I found you!)… and our love for each other and joy in life turned out to be stronger, and we reconciled over the holidays. She is away at college, but now our doors are open to each other 😀 I AM SO GRATEFUL.

    And the journey continues. I have realized I would like a partner in my life, with whom I can be my authentic self, and vision that we can be the wind under each other’s wings. Putting this out to the universe 🙂 May 2019 be my year to create and live with financial abundance earned by my own head, heart and hands… May I, and we in community who wish it, continue growing, becoming, moving more deeply into love and well being and healing for all our earth and people. May beauty and healing flow and manifest through me. May I have the courage to recognize and let go of anything that may block these goals, and may I have the courage to willingly enter the void and stand there as needed. Aho. Blessed be.

    Thank you, Mel, and thank you to our larger community – so grateful we are in this together.


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 17, 2019


      I had goosebumps reading your post. You are such a force of love, power and truth.

      How incredibly you have unfolded your desires into the world!

      I know how determinedly you have worked at your healing and personal fullness and being an actualised source to self.

      May every continued abundance and love fill your life divinely.

      As it will …

      Thank you for your blessings, support and love to all of us.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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