In my opinion, the BIGGEST thing that stops people from healing the Thriver Way is the NORMAL terror of going inside to meet their wounds.
Why wouldn’t you be terrified of doing this?
Emotional pain hurts … it can feel overwhelming, insurmountable and like it will never end … and if you DO go into it that you possible WON’T be able to function.
We have been encouraged, all our life, to avoid our emotional pain at all costs.
However, by the time we have experienced narcissistic abuse, does this work?
Does any amount of distractions, substitutes, positive thinking or even dedicated Law of Attraction work stop the anguish?
Do our nervous systems and mental and emotional conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD and fibromyalgia … as well as our emotional heartbreak, feelings of loss and inability to feel solid and trust life, self and others in the future, get better as a result of trying to escape our hurting Inner Beings?
The short answer is – No! Absolutely not!
And, you may already realise this, yet are still terrified about going inwards to meet your emotional pain.
I get that – I was once EXACTLY the same!
This is why today, I really wanted to bring this very important episode to you, to take you on a journey into the deep understanding of our emotional Inner Being.
And HOW it is possible to meet, hold and let go of our emotional pain so that we can not only break free from the abuse in our life but also enter into new trajectories that bring us love, joy and purpose.
Video Transcript
Today’s topic is a very important one and one that I am really passionate about talking to you about.
This is the deal – we have all been taught to terminally self-avoid and self-abandon. We are told not to feel our feelings. The good ones are okay but not the bad ones. We are supposed to ignore them, numb them out, run from them and do anything possible at all to distract ourselves from them.
But does it work? Do we get better as a result of doing this?
Let’s look at this logically. What would happen if we had a car engine that started grinding and making noises? Would we just keep driving it until the car engine seized or blew up?
Of course not!
If we had a ceiling dripping water, would we pretend it isn’t and just carry on, until the leak gets worse and our furniture and carpet is ruined?
Of course, we wouldn’t!
If we suffered a physical gaping wound, would we refuse to treat it until it turned gangrene?
No!
So why on earth do we think that emotional wounds screaming out to get our attention is any different?
I get it that none of us enjoy feeling painful feelings … because they hurt. And … what we have been taught about them certainly doesn’t help. Messages like ‘If you turn inwards you will relive that trauma and it could make it impossible for you to function.’
Now, especially with the healing processes we have available, self-abandoning our emotions is a totally false premise that I want to help you get past today.
I hope you understand as a result of this video, your entire life depends on this.
The Truth of Your Inner Being
I want you to imagine this: a young child – your son or daughter – calling out you “Mum (or Dad), I am sad. No one loves me, I hate myself, I’m no good. I don’t deserve to exist, I am all alone” (all NORMAL unhealed traumas that are a part of the human condition) and you pushed this child aside and said “Go away. Not listening. And now I’m going to turn to this TV, social media, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, food or abusive person that I am trying to make love me, no matter how badly they are abusing me, so that I don’t have to listen to you and I can try to feel better about myself.”
How on earth do you think this child is going to react to this? Of course, he or she would feel even more abandoned, sadder, and more unlovable, defective and damaged.
The anxiety, depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders and fibromyalgia, and assorted nervous system, mental and physical disorders are all going to get worse.
It’s the same as … the unattended to car engine getting closer to seizing, the water coming through the ceiling increase, and the physical wound that hurts is starting to get a nasty red tinge around it.
And, add on the feelings of being totally invalidated and made to feel completely unimportant.
Are you starting to understand what you are doing to your Inner Being?
I know what I used to do to mine. I used to tell her to shut up, and that she was a failure and I tried to bully and punish her into shape.
And, rather than turned inwards to love, hold and heal her back to wholeness, I tried to assign False Source to do that. How often was I hurting her with even more abuse with pathological, cruel, controlling and abusive False Lovers as well as crippling self-medication choices like cigarettes, alcohol and workaholism?
All the time …
So, was it any wonder that eventually, because I wasn’t turning inwards with the love and devotion we should have for any child– including our own Inner Child – that she completely broke with an adrenal and psychotic blowout?
This is the thing … we all vow and declare that the state we are in is because of what other people have done to us, yet I promise you that the conditions we remain stuck in are because the one person that your Inner Being is waiting for hasn’t shown up yet – YOU.
How BAD does it have to get before your Inner Being finally gets your attention?
How BAD does to have to get before you stop using the wrong people, addictions and distractions to try to NUMB out the inner screams, only making them WORSE.
Are you aware that not only are the screams getting louder, but your life is also breaking down (like the car engine, celling and gangrenous wound) and you have to use even more energy trying to self-avoid and self-abandon to survive?
This ‘metaphoric can’ does not get any better by kicking it down the road. It can only heal if you turn around and pick it up and deal with it.
How Your Wounds Project Into Life
I was like so many of us, I thought that turning inwards to meet my pain was the wrong thing to do. Instead, I was all pumped up on Law of Attraction stuff – ‘Don’t focus on what hurts and instead just focus on the good stuff and create THAT.’
Yet doing that was totally ignoring my inner wounds and traumas, the young unhealed parts of myself that dearly needed ME.
It took me a while to understand – point blank – NO ONE else is coming.
Yet, people did come – the wrong people – exactly the people who confirmed more of my inner wounds, the feelings of being unlovable, being terrified to assert myself, the inability to speak up, say ‘no’ and lay healthy boundaries. The terrors of not being able to leave people who were hurting me, in order to be my own source of love, approval, survival, and security.
Via these people, this was my unmet parts, the unconscious meeting me in a conscious way. My unhealed shadows were projecting out into life, representing who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me, and how I would miss these things, conjoin with the messenger of my wounds and continue rolling around with them, trying to make these people change so that my inner feelings and traumas could change.
Wrong Town!
I promise you, I had studied my traumas cognitively to death for decades. Then when that hadn’t worked to change the patterns in my life, I had practiced positive affirmation for further years, diligently and consistently. I had mediated on visions of what I wanted, and I had journaled about ‘my future true life’ to the point of getting callouses.
Yet, I was dismayed to find again and again that I landed back at square one.
Let’s examine all of these strategies, deeply. The inner dissecting of my wounds was simply my emotional Inner Being receiving logical information – not the love, support and healing she needed. And with the affirmations and journaling, she was simply being told how she should be without any recognition of how she was. She was completely invalidated and her wounds were never met and healed.
And, so, the trauma lived on inside of me.
No amount of dissecting, positive thinking affirmations and journaling was going to heal these parts. And this is where we can get so caught up in personal development. Yes, it is better than ignoring that we have issues and continuing to drink, eat, smoke or use self-hatred, abusive sex and toxic people to try to self-medicate. Yet, it still constitutes self-abandonment and self-avoiding. We are still only using bandaids to try to manage our wounds, because we still haven’t gone inside to fully self-partner and love ourselves enough to feel them and then let them go.
You may wonder like I did, why the pain always returns, the patterns don’t change, and we have to up the ante on all our self-development practices to try to survive our wounds.
Now you may be starting to understand why.
If You Don’t Go Within, You Go Without
Narcissistic abuse, for myself, as it has been for so many of you too, is a ‘game over’ proposition. Now we have internal wounds so activated that we can’t drown them out anymore. This is when I discovered no amount of my old coping strategies were going to cut it.
I started to understand that Law of Attraction processes for severe trauma are completely ineffective for most people – including myself.
You can’t park a Ferrari in a garage that is clogged up with a rusty old wreck.
You can’t put ice-cream on top of poop (as the late Debbie Ford famously said).
In neuroscience terms, when severe trauma is activated, the brain can only think in the range of the trauma. Neuroscientists are now researching and proving this; there are very real chemical reasons why trying to think our way out of ‘what hurts’ is impossible.
Because we are not getting better, and the trauma is still screaming inside us, doesn’t mean we are defective any more than it means we should try to keep ignoring it.
It means that we haven’t realised yet what we need to do to meet our traumas, the right way, to heal for real.
Quantum Scientists believe there is an inner Universe inside of us generating the Universe outside of us. I totally 100% agree.
This inner Universe is our emotional composition – our beliefs and feelings regarding every topic in our Life. Whatever hurts tells us that we have a trauma in place causing a false belief that is generating traumatic experiences in our lives and will continue to do so, on that topic, until reprogrammed.
Yet by ignoring this (as we were taught to do) we powerlessly run around trying to learn about and change everything outside of ourselves in order to get a different inner experience (feel whole, loved and safe).
Can you see how this is completely back the front now?
If we don’t go within, we go without.
If we don’t tend to this fragile, ever powerful creative part of ourselves, our Inner Being, we will always come up empty.
What Happens When You Turn Inwards
How do we heal our traumas for real?
Turn inwards.
With love …
This means recognising the true purpose of trauma coming up inside us, as the glorious CORRECT signal to let us know that an adjustment is required to come back to health – just like the grinding engine, the dripping roof and the painful physical wound. Can you imagine if these signals were not present and we didn’t know? Are they not a blessing in disguise?
So rather than condemning, demonising and vilifying our bad feelings, we can accept them with love.
Repeat after me this statement first – “I hate my negative emotions’ – (if you are already a Thriver you know you won’t even go there and say that to yourself) …
Okay, if you did say this – how did it feel in your body?
Be really honest.
Now say to yourself, “I bless and accept this feeling. Now, gloriously I can go inwards to hold, feel, load up and let go of this trauma, bring in the Light, heal this and expand beyond this pain and painful pattern into the next highest and freer version of myself.”
How does this feel in your body?
Okay, I want you to scroll down and write what these statements brought up for you.
As I am telling you time and time again, if you want to heal from narcissistic abuse, you must get out of your head and into your body and start healing there – it’s the only way
How do you think we got into this mess in the first place – I promise you it was because we were totally out of our body, and NOT integrated and there was no one home!
Do you understand what the opposite of integration is? It’s disintegration … which is exactly what narcissistic abuse is, and it’s time to end that!
And we can end it, we have the super tools and we have the ways. We are all coded in our DNA to heal for real. Tragically we were trained out of this – but I can help you reconnect back to it – just as I and countless people in this community have been.
These people and my previous self, like you, were terrified about turning inwards, yet found when we did it the right way, that the relief was indescribable … and we wondered why on earth we hadn’t done it sooner.
I promise you that most people, even at their first Quanta Freedom Healing experience, even if abuse and trauma are all they have ever known, feel real somatic, relief, hope and love for themselves, as a result of turning inwards the right way.
But, don’t take my word for it, you really need to experience it personally to know that what I am saying is true.
Join me in my free workshop with me holding your hand and heart, connecting you lovingly with yourself and showing you how to load up and release your wounds and make room to bring in the good stuff, granting you a shift – which is instant healing.
You can reserve your spot in my next free healing workshop here.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
It brought up anger. Powerlessness. Emotional injury.
Hi Melanie,
I didn’t feel anything until I said “I bless and accept this feeling….” then I felt a rush of emotions and tears. I do want to heal, but I am scared. I was raised with a father who told me if I don’t receive my healing directly from God himself, then everything else is hocus pocus, but he is a narcissist himself. My ex husband and recent ex boyfriend were narcissists. I love your work Mel, I really want to heal.
Hey Jennifer,
Have you tried Melanie’s free email course? I felt so much weight and anxiety lift from me readying those articles (which lead me to purchasing the NARP program). At some stage you get to the point where you realise that you are the only option..
Wishing you love and light at this time,
Candice
Hi Candice, yes I have. I didn’t feel any type of anxiety release when reading them, but I did feel validated. My problem I’m having is that I tend to doubt myself a lot so some of the people in my life keep telling me to keep reading my Bible and if I don’t experience the healing I need, then I don’t have enough faith. And these people also know I love the Lord. I feel really abused in every sense, I don’t want to not purchase NARP if victory is around the corner, but I know I also can’t keep living in this torment.
My trust is broken. I can’t trust and I hate it. HOW do I begin to trust again? I truly don’t know how.
Hi Nancy,
Please know that it is so usual to feel like this after abuse.
I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar so that I can deeply explain to you exactly how to.
Sending you love and hope
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Jennifer,
I’m so glad you felt that somatic relief in your body.
It’s so natural to be scared, and especially after what you have been programmed with.
Please know any painful and fearful beliefs can be held then released with Quanta Freedom Healing and I’d love to help you start to live free of them.
Because that’s where our true life begins.
Sending love and healing to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This is beautiful I felt so calm full of light and at peace❤️
I believe that this is the most powerful video you’ve ever produced! I feel so much gratitude to witness these words being spoken. Some years ago, I decided to disconnect from the “positive focus” groups I use to hang out with. I noticed that they weren’t truthful about being positive, but instead, they were more about, denial, emotional repression, dismissiveness, and rejection of anything that felt even slightly uncomfortable. The first time I simply said to myself “okay honey, what’s the matter” and allowed myself to fully feel what I was feeling without guilting or shaming myself for not being stronger, it was the first time I really understood compassion and noticed that my strength grew because of what I could face not because of what I was avoiding. Mother Nature did not make any mistakes by giving us the full range of human emotions that we are capable of experiencing. We just need to have a little courage and compassion to embrace being a fully authentic human being and work on developing the skills to approach our emotions in a healthy and helpful way. That’s when the healing starts. Emotional pain decreases and even ceases when we approach it with compassion, curiosity, and acceptance. Feeling bad about feeling bad is a never-ending cycle. Now I treat my painful emotions the same way I would treat the flu…with love, rest, patience, tenderness, good friends, and healthy food. It’s amazing how powerful a little self-love and self-respect for ALL of our parts can be.
Thank you so much for this video, Mel. A long time ago a therapist recommended a book to me titled “Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life” by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg. In this book he spoke of exactly what you are saying here. The only difference is that he approached it within conversations between two people. Here, it is about the conversation we are having with ourselves about our own painful emotions which is far more intimate.
I hope everyone listening to this video really takes this in. We simply can not heal from a place of hating where we are. It’s using energy the wrong way. Love you much Mel. You are such a blessing.
Hi Asha
Your post really resonated with me – thank you for writing it.
I used to be one of ‘those super positive’ people & now I know – and say to people – ‘positivity nearly killed me’.
I used to be positive about the most unhealthy things like: ‘oh – it’s alright, he/she didn’t meant that & might just have a bad day’ or ‘it’s alright, everyone is exhausted, just keep going & tomorrow will be better’ etc etc …. Totally self-avoiding, not listening to my body, completely unaware of healthy boundaries, self-care etc etc ….
Eventually I ended up with complete burnout, anxiety etc etc. and now I know that as a co-dependent person, people pleaser & all that (a lot of etc’s really), I avoided myself & to ‘go within’.
Now that I am at a ‘zero point’, lots of losses on many levels (etc :-)…), there is no other way left but to ‘face myself’. Scary, very very uncomfortable but now – actually – unavoidable ….
Just be / think positively really didn’t work for me at all and now when someone recommends this to me – I do get their point & ‘helpfulness’ – but I just end up feeling sad as that’s ‘another of those losses’ (tried it hard & it definitely didn’t work). So ‘they’ think I am badly depressed or lazy or unwilling to ‘give it a go’ … It’s all actually quite interesting.
Instead of positivity, I realised that – for example – gratitude is something that makes more sense to me & is one of the things I have started to practice.
I am very greatfull that ‘the universe’ brought Melanie / NARP into my life a bit more than year ago…. 💜
Jacqueline thank you for your kind words and sharing your powerful journey. It’s absolutely lovely to see that you are taking care of all of your parts no matter whether they are so-called positive or not. I believe that’s what true self-love and compassion are all about. I really don’t believe Mother Nature made any mistakes when she gave us the ability to feel everything. Keep going! You already know you’re strong and I have no doubt that you will be surrounded by people who can simply be present with you instead of telling you how you should or shouldn’t feel or trying to rescue you. There are people out there that simply know how to listen and first it starts with us knowing how to honor and listen to ourselves and you’re doing that! Yay!!! Sending you many blessings.
Asha, I experienced Mel’s message as profoundly as you describe it. Her words sunk really deep and generated an Aha- moment like no other before. I believe, because I felt this message with my whole being instead of trying to get it intellectually. Thank you so much Mel for the heartfelt work you’re doing! Saying, repeating those blessing words filled me with trust, hope, kindness, deep compassion, expansion and a knowing, that I can heal from this. And I realised, I felt no fear, at all! This video gives me renewed hope to follow through with the modules. I am still at module one and the goal setting module to release resistance. Instead of dreading it, because I felt stuck and so much resistance, I am excited to get back to it. Again, thank you with a big heart!
Absolutely lovely Mai! You’ve got this! Sending you love and light.
Hi Mai,
Sweetheart you are so welcome and I’m so pleased those words settled into your heart as the truths they are.
I love that you have had this shift to start Module 1 work again.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Asha,
Thank you and I am so pleased you loved it.
Everything you are saying is 100 percent correct.
Thank you for sharing your powerful post with our wonderful community.
So much love to you dear Sister.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
It brought up that I don’t acceptance of myself. It hurt when I said that I hate my negative thoughts. My chest got tight. My wall went up.
This is good, Melanie! And “yes”, at times I think so, but I don’t know if this resognates with you….I think for myself, at least NOW where I’m at in this process with such a resolute YES!,… to do the work, to believe, and to move forward in it, the distraction is the most poisoneous enemy of all. I’m having to FIGHT to stay on the Path (not the actual Path, but the process that’s been put before me to actually aid me in walking it through). Does that make sense? And do you have any reflections on this? Hugs!
Hi Aneas,
If you are working with NARP (I think you are?) then please come into the NARP Forum to get guidance with this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Ultimately there will be beliefs blocking the process – traumas in your body – which can be found and released so that the process runs smoothly.
That is the real solution rather than trying to think your way through this.
Does that help?
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you SO much! I am not yet a member of the Forum, but will inquire of what I need to do to upgrade! Lots of Love!
Hi Melanie
I joined your programme inApeil…. I found sleep difficult so I did your first exercise at 2 am. My computer worles great (latest apple laptop)… I went deep inside…I wrote down ALL of the disgusting feelings I’ve felt for my whole life…..I couldn’t have been more honest about the abuse I have suffered….next step, this is how you heal, and your website went down…..
I was vomiting black bile, that came from it seemed nowhere, I DID send an agry email at about 3am….what the hell??? I wasn’t ‘kind’
! I felt I’d been abused again…where do I put this stuff now?
I woke at 6am….I realised I had, sent an awful email and apologised, the woman I was dealing with was very kind, however, she had passed on my email to her ‘supervisor’
I got back, a fistful of ‘were not responsible for computer clitches and all the other ‘riders’ of joining NARP…. My money was refunded forthwith, but, and this is the worst part for me….’the supervisor’ knew my name, but it was Tell HER this, Tell HER that, not even using my name! NO COMPASSION foer what I had gone through, despite my apology 3 hours later….
Then, I got an ‘invite’ to a conference you were holding
I said, I thought I’d been expelled from this group
Again a forwarded message ‘tell HER I’ve deleted HER from our program’ …
How to be made to feel worthless? No compassion, not even using my name……that SHE knew it!
But I was HER!!!!!!! I love your video’s and get them weekly as per your ‘free stuff
But, I ask you Melanie, was this an appropriate response to someone who has dealt with abuse, that was plunged into black vile vomiting after opening my heart, albeit in a journal with no-one else arount, that YOUR website crashed as I looked for ‘where do I go now’ how can I stop this?
An a apologitic email from me 3 hours later, I was STILL reeling, to be given a ‘tome’ of ‘riders’… and not even the courtesy of my NAME being used? Is this a way to treat ppl who trust YOU MELANIE? Coz yes YOU are the ‘face’ of this…..
Your last post, why are afraid to go within…….well, read the above and just be left with that horrid bile that spewed out of me? Yes I’m now even more afraid, because of that supervisor of yours…..and god help me, I Don’t want to feel that again….
I do hope you help others….I think your amazing, or I wouldn’t have joined up, but….compassion for what happened that night….well there was NONE, just TELL HER!
I’d make a better supervisor, quite frankly… you tell HER that, or teach her better ways of handling people in crisis!
no matter what, if your dealing with people in crisis, you DONT kick them down further, with rules, regulations disrespect and abuse…oh and so we are clear Melanie’ this was done in private email, not in the’public forum’! I hope and expect a PERSONAL reply from YOU Melanie….or will I just be made to feel worthless again? PS I think your little kitty is georgious! My baby, precious, a chinchilla/blue russian cross had just passed away when I joined NARP…
Cheers
Janet Lightowler
Hi Janet,
I am happy to communicate with you about this after further investigation after the see the trail of support messages.
You stated you wished that privately I contact you, yet you have made this post public?
I will be contacting you.
Please note any communication with you. needs to be respectful from your end for it to continue. And please note any abusive comments will be deleted because abuse recovery is about enforcing self love and healthy boundaries.
Myself and my staff have compassion but will not tolerate abusive communication.
If you wish this conversation to take place those are the parameters.
Update ….
Janet, I have seen full disclosure of the emails between you and the support team which I am prepared to share publically if you would like full disclosure and accountability on this public forum.
You have made abusive (lashing out) comments regarding technical (prior to the incident you describe here) ranging to the actual healings in every correspondence. After trying to assist you several times you were granted a refund.
There was nothing more anyone could do.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
OK Mel
I’m not sure, why you say I was lashing out, when I needed help, to get your program, to download….
You say, you would get in touch personally, but, you haven’t…..you have just blamed me…in a ‘public forum’
I WOULDNT have put this in a ‘public forum’, but, how do I get to speak to you in private? Oh, and YOU have put YOUR response to my post, in a public forum? You’ve got my email address…..but, you also responded to me in public forum????
One rule for you, but, not me????
I’m glad that you have had helped so many people to heal…..I truly do, but, your staff have abused me again!…….thanks for that!
I give you permission, on this public forum, to show EVERY email I’ve sent you…in fact, I want you to……let them decide, if I was abusive, except, for my last one, which, I apologised profusely for……show my emails Melanie…but also show your staffs response to me……fairs fair….. isnt it…. Melanie?
Congratulations on your book Melanie and for shining your light and showing us the way through of this . This is my fave video so far .. just gets better and better and clearer and clearer. xxx
Hi Laura,
I’m so pleased this deeply resonates with you.
Thank you for your love and support and sending mine to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Wow….. Just Wow…… The 2nd statement made me feel tingly and giddy all over….. This stuff is just astounding !!!! I don’t even remember how I got here ~ I just bless the day I did….. You are literally changing the world for the better !!!! What’s even more fantastic is WE all are ~ Thanks to you !!!!!
NARP is literally changing my life one shift at a time!!!! Don’t argue – Don’t debate – Don’t question everything the Narshole did ~ Just do the modules and you WILL move forward, feel better, get healthier, and things will improve ~ More accurately YOU will improve !!!! Mel you are a genius ~ Thank the Gods you persevered !!!! Wow – Another incredible video…… God I love this stuff…..
Awwww Teiwaz,
It is soooo exciting when we burst through into the True Self feelings.
I love reading about yours!
Wishing you beautiful continued blessings and expansion.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I NEED HELP. I batyle to heal. i
I have been a hauntedperson from I can remember. As a small child. I am not happy. I do not know WHY. I am not happy… but I always pointed to anothrr person that makes me unhappy. I realuse… there will ALWAYS BE SOMEONE who will make me uncomfortable/feeling not safe/triggering in me the flight or fight trigger. I need tobecome my OWN RESCUER. HOW Can I accomplish that?
I live in SouthAfrica. I do nothave the money or cellphone or computer abilities to buy or contact some one ofyou or your team. What can I do, to start healing… because I need myself whole to carry my parents 80years old…. over to the next life.. and my widowed sister and depressed young boys…. our entire family is BROKEN… DAMAGED…. WORKING VERY HARD in a family company… to make in my eyes… OTHER PEOPLE RICH… and if wedo THAT.. we are “” GOOD PEOPLE” bt sacrafising our own lifes for other people!!!!!
What canI do. I devorced a minister in a church.. after religious abuse…. THAT TOOK MR 33YEARS TO ACVOMPLISH. I still fear the “” wrath of God “” sometimes due to the divorce.!!! I amnot OK. How can I help myself?? I I HOPE If amy one anseers… tjat I will be able toview the answer. I do not reallt know amything about blogging. I think when I hit the enter button now… I will not be able to find this site again.
Mel, I’m so glad your book is doing so well already! This is going to be big I’m sure.
I’ve been NARPing for 2 years but must admit have let things slip recently but your book arrived 2 days ago and has got me back on track.
Thank you for your work it was pivotal in my decision to get out of my marriage and to know, without doubt that it was the right thing to do.
With love and gratitude Mel
Angie P 🙏 xxx
Hi Angie,
Thank you for the well wishes with my book.
I love that my book has helped inspire you to do the inner work again.
So much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I love the title of this video. It addresses the importance of ‘going within’ and I love the expression ‘go within or go without’.
The process of ‘going within’ has been historically suppressed in human beings now for eons. When we go within and heal our traumas we become powerful and slip out of the control of negative energies.
Thus, the powers-that-be have purposefully been working to keep us from doing exactly that. This is why there is generalized social anxiety and even phobia over going within. Taking pills, drinking, casual sex etc. have been mass marketed for exactly this reason: to distract us and convince us that going within is not ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ behavior. We are hooked on consuming and flowing our energy towards things that DRAIN us.
This is why so many people resist going within. They have been socially conditioned (brainwashed) for lifetimes against doing so.
A case in point: recently I watched a Netflix mini-series titled “The Sinner”. I DO NOT recommend this series to anyone. I could not finish watching it because it is hit piece and part of a smear campaign about going within to heal trauma. It demonizes and mocks a fictitious ‘cult’ whose principles are clearly stated that they ‘go within to heal trauma.’ I’m not making this up lol!
It’s a recent series from 2017 so this is happening now in our world.
I post this so that anyone who feels uncomfortable or squeamish about going within can perhaps connect their resistance to social conditioning and even peer pressure.
Why were millions of women burned at the stake? Why have so many precious ancient cultures been annihilated? This is why. To keep us in the dark, in pain, anxious and controllable. To keep us financially drained feeding huge corporations that make medicines that don’t work, food that is not nutritious, working jobs we hate to pay for stuff we don’t need or even want.
Those of us who dare to go within and heal ourselves are true warriors for the human soul. There is nothing more important for us to do. Go within or go without.
Thank you Melanie.
Hi Marlane,
Oh gosh this is so so true!
Thank you for your post.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie
It feels like relief!
It feels like coming home to myself.
It feels like the searching has stopped.
It feels real.
It feels whole and blessed.
It feels like truth.
It feels like relief and this is so needed after a lifetime parallel to your description of going out and law of attraction and affirmations but feeling that to go inwards was wrong, bad, and the worst thing I could do.
What you say in this episode is the truth of healing trauma and I am glad I found you.
With love
Reena xxx
Hi Reena,
I’m so pleased lovely lady that is feels wonderful in your body.
The truth does, when we can connect to it. You have been doing wonderful work on you!
So much love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I know better and yet I said it impulsively…. funny enough thought for whatever reason the timing of the message, well, timely. I don’t participate often but this forum has been a lifeline and lighthouse time again to gently help me re-adjust my sails out of the choppy waters and back on path. It certainly doesn’t come with one ephinany, experience. The continuous knowing bit reluctance to chance remains baffling to me. I’m an artist and stay up too late. It works against me by way of having an extra glass of wine that spills into my work performance the next day etc. I managed it so it wasn’t to excess and could avoid the knowing inward of it being a roadblock to the next step that no one else’s could do for me, except me, I decided to flip things and made myself crash without the phone or tv or painting last night. I got up early, before work and the experience is already different. I’m not spent from the day then trying to do my passion, my art…. as I listen to this, this morning , is when the feeling alone dissipates ans I connect in with the flow of others and of the same. Knowing and recognizing the signs saying YES, Joy….. you feelnit ans you’re doing it and we are here. Sounds crazy, huh. Now the law of attractions – like with Abraham does nothing but compliment and doesn’t go against unless the point is missed and used selfishly. Like any tool, it’s how it’s applied and the intent behind it. I find much of it a spiritual distraction but Jerry and Estee Hicks I’ve found spot on ans resonates perfectly in align with the action part of what You’ve been a conduit to provide and a brave prionsee and sister to help us out of the woods. I’m truly fearful of not hazing to find you years ago and see your emails over and over until ready to reach out a hand. I just bought your boook. I’m proud of you and thankful for you.
Hi Joy,
It truly isn’t until we say ‘enough’ And purposefully change the composition of our inner being that our life changes.
I guess the real question is ‘Have I had enough yet?’
If not we don’t!
Thank you for ordering my book and your support and lovely words.
Much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
And apologize for misspelled words. I should type without my glasssss!!
Want to thank you melanie, have followed you in silence, for many years. Just want to say you saved my life. Sincerely, from a man in Sweden
Hi Xavante,
Thank you and it’s my pleasure.
I am so pleased I could help and many continued blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
After repeating the 2nd statement I immediately felt lighter. I feel hope for my future and comfort in this moment. There’s more to life than survival and no matter what self hatred says – it’s not true. I do deserve to thrive. Thank you Melanie, you’re a blessing! 💕🦋🙏
Awwww Rebecca,
I am so pleased you felt this!! Power to you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie – perfect timing – again 💜🌸😊
Thank you Mel- oh my goodness I need to hear this. I am working today.. it’s early Sunday.. and I’ve been stuck for ages… I’ve known what I’ve needed to do. But.. Just to have my awareness brought to this resistance to accepting these feelings is sl I’ve needed to get back on track.
Thank you x
Hi Suzie,
you are very welcome and I’m so pleased this provided clarity for you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Lovely Mel,
Another amazing Thriver TV- so bang on as usual! I repeated that first statement and my inner child was just laughing and jumping for joy- because, not anymore and never again is that my reality.
I bless and accept every emotion as the loving communication from my dear little me. Now I am concentrating on blessing and accepting the feeling of peace and contentment that keeps washing over me more and more!
Mel, you are an angel and I can’t wait for your book to be delivered to my door! I am beyond happy for your personal accomplishment. You are amazing!
But more than that, I know that you will be able to help more and more people, just like me, pass from the darkness to the light. Your book is just one of the tools, along with you tube, the forum and QFH- to light the way for people to go inside and heal themselves up to wholeness.
Much much love to you Mel- thanks for another Thriver TV. I’m giving myself a big pat on the back for this one, dearest lady- because I know in my bones how to heal now. Many thanks to you and your mission of healing Mel!
For anyone who wants to heal for real, know that you can go within and heal yourself. You can do it. You can!
Lot’s of Love to Mel and endless congrats on the book!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Hi Violet,
Thank you Sweet Lady for your beautiful post and loving well wishes.
How wonderful that you are doing so well and are Thriving onwards and upwards.
I love sharing this amazing journey with you as one of my Dear Soul Sisters!
All my love.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie!
I really appreciate your “brutal honesty”! Once upon a time I was exactly like you, and now I’m fed up with that “think positive” -stuff!! At one point in my life I was also a self-help addict, a junkie I’d say. I now see, I wasn’t “helping” myself at all, not developing at all. Exactly like you write, it all was just a means to avoid myself, to numb, distract myself, because the self-help materials have this addictive instant “feel good” factor. I’m also brutal honest now, but I really started to get better once I stopped doing all of that addictive stuff. What an irony, all that material that was meant to make me better, actually made me worse!
I think my journey has been almost identical like yours!
I have especially anger towards The Secret book. I did what was adviced. The n had once again dumped me, was giving me silent treatment (weeks-months) and had found another woman. So I thought, “now I’m gonna use some law of attraction, to win back the love of my life”.
So after some time he returned back to me, had left the other woman and was behaving quite nicely again. I was so happy and empowered, that yes, this law of attraction stuff works!! When I type these words, I can only smile and shake my head with disgust now. Thank heavens I’m not in that era of my life anymore. Because I’m wiser now. The n didn’t return, because of my “using of law of attraction”. He was just repeating the very normal cycle that all abusers do: being nice and connect, the later cruelly dump me and total disconnect. I went through these cycles probably 4-5 times, until enough was enough and I had become nearly suicidal and complete nervous wreck!
So I’m bloody angry, and I’ve come to realise that trying to use law of attraction this way is bloody dangerous!! I love this old saying: there is no shortcut to happiness. The Secret and similar self help materials make it seem like there would be, maybe that’s why they are so popular and appealing. At it’s best, it is ineffective and at it worst, very dangerous and missleading, like I experienced.
So I started to do the “heavy lifting”, narp and eft and generally speaking, just focusing inwards. It’s not always “nice”, it’s not easy, it takes a lot of work…but it’s been so worth it 🙂
Hi Anna,
That is so great that you did get to the core of things – which is to heal ourselves to wholeness.
Thank goodness so many of us in the Law of Attraction age finally understood there is no bypassing truly meeting ourselves and integrating rather than avoiding our parts.
Many continued blessings to you Anna and I’m so happy for you, that you have come out the other side!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Anna. For an intellectual demolition of The Secret, I recommend Mark Manson’s article from 2015, “The Staggering Bullshit of The Secret”, at this link: https://markmanson.net/the-secret Warning: strong language.
Thank you, interesting article. I think the trouble with the popular way to explain law of attraction like The Secret is, that as if it is a mere tool to get “stuff”, like cars, money…But I think it’s much broader concept, energy attracting similar energy, or simply energy aligning with energy.
I become nowadays annoyed when I hear stories how people have attracted something specific, like cup of coffee, a feather or money, as the result of “using” the law of attraction. This somehow is a “proof”, that this stuff “works”. There’s nothing to prove, but I think the law of attraction does not always work the way we “think”!
What I’ve understood after the n abuse, sub/unconscious mind actually means energy in the body. And that energy also attracts, and the problem is we are unaware of it because it is unconscious!!
I was as a child abused by my father. I remember the relief at the age of about 16 years, when I started to have more like a woman’s body and not a child’s body and that’s when I finally got that my physical boundaries were not crossed. I still remember the relief, like phew! I thought now the abuse is in the past, and the past is past. Then in my twenties, I had dates and romances and experiences that are normal at that age, it was all okay and nice.
I met the n when I was 38 and thought I finally found the one and my soulmate. I was soooo happy, until the bubble burst in a nasty way, like we all here know.
I say this now sarcastically, but of course I had tried to use law of attraction to manifest the one, the soulmate. When he appeared, I logically assumed that okay, this is it, it must be! But it turned out, he was the exact replica and echo of my childhood experiences. From the point of view of energy, I think it is interesting, that the all this time, the “original energy” has stayed in my body, in the exact same form like it was in my childhood. Momentarily I have felt bitter, why I now in my fourties have to deal with this old garbage…But I already know it is an absolute must and then the relief will come! 🙂
I also don’t like how The Secret talks about gratitude. Ok, being grateful IS awesome and good. But if it’s used as a fake positivity or mental anaesthesia, not good 🙁
For example I used to think, “at least the n is not physically abusive, just “emotionally”, he picked me from the airport in the middle of the night and drove me safely home, he was an excellent lover, maybe I can be grateful about all that and just kind of ignore the rest…”.
This made me mentally clouded, not seeing the big picture. This person is abusive, there is no reasonable reason to be in a relationship with such a person. So I think being positive and having gratitude etc. is not good, if at the same time it enables the abuse to continue! Interestingly, this accepting only crumbs and not really expect much more, is also my childhood wounding! It is still sometimes hard for me to believe that I deserve to be treated well and with respect consistently and always, not just momentarily or sometimes. I think (false) beliefs often don’t feel like beliefs, they feel like facts! Maybe that’s why they take so long time to heal? 🙁
It has taken me many years to figure out all this. I’m genuinely grateful that I can express these my thoughts here 🙂
I was activated earlier in the evening as my daughter spoke of her father’s more positive outlook on life since we separated. I have a concept that when I feel lonely, that is me calling to myself to join with, and love, my inner child. That negative statement you made did not sit well in my body…which is good. To me it means I am developing compassion for myself. Accepting myself feels warm in the area of the solar plexus. Saying the negative statement activated a cold feeling…fear. I don’t want that. Thanks so much Mel…your work is so heartfelt.
Hi MaryAnn,
That’s wonderful that you felt that difference and truth.
You are very welcome Dear Lady.
Sending love and healing to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hey Melanie,
Wow, listened to your statements with my eyes closed and after just having a septoplasty my pain body is already active. I am a very cognitive person and my disconnect is so obvious with what you have stated here as it is mind and body. I automatically went straight up into my head when you said the first statements ‘I hate my negative emotions’ and that left side of my rational brain kicked in straight away and I had to wait to close my eyes and place my hand on my chest to listen differently and at first I felt a lot of resistance as if I had a dead body that has totally shut down but tears came and I see the difference with blessings and accepting these feelings. I have hard wired myself most of my life because that was the only way I could survive and as a young child suffering so much trauma and always feeling that I was wrong and that it was always my fault regardless of what happened to me. I had no idea that my childhood experiences would project outwards and create so much pain and attract all kinds of bullies and then sociopaths. It is no wonder I have so much anger, hate, resentment and victimhood and all of it needs to heal. I loved your interview with Dr Staples the healing needs to happen with me and my creator and that is free of charge.
Thank you,
Sara
Hi Sara,
It is no wonder from your childhood that you shut down to survive, there was no choice … but as adults we can love and heal ourselves back to wholeness.
It is our Divine right to do so.
You are very welcome Sara and I send you love, healing and breakthrough.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Angels doing angels work…I love that 🙂
One of the worst law of attraction advice I have read is this (if having problems with partner): focus only on gratitude and the good aspects of him, “then you will get more of it”. Well, I think this might work, if the “issue” is on this level: “I don’t like that he snores, but it is nice that he brings me flowers”. Gosh 🙂
I tried to apply this with the (now ex) n, when I was still totally unaware of his narcissism and my corresponding wounds. Needless to say, a recipe for disaster!!
Doesn’t the people who write these books have any responsibility…or understading of “reality”?
That kind of advice is incredibly infantile…and like living in denial. How that could make any relationship better? Something I have profoundly learned after the n abuse, if something is going wrong, causing bad feeling, confusion etc. in a relationship, then open up, have a conversation with the partner, set boundaries, confront. And not try to use some bizarre “magic” behind his back and hope everything will be fine. I used to be like this 🙁 It was fear based behaviour, not wanting to see the truth about him, not wanting to rock the boat.
I’m proud of myself, that I have started to think in this new way. The next step is to start to also behave this new way. But it’s been a long journey from a doormat to a brick wall, but taking baby steps, step by step every day…:)
Hi TT,
I truly do agree with everything you have written.
Yes, absolutely positive focus can be great if your partner leaves crumbs on the bench … or does the normal things that can be annoying!!
But things like abuse and pathological lying and crossing boundaries?
Or as you say just sucking it up and not being real or true about values or needs and not meeting at a true level of intimacy …
It’s not healthy … and absolutely not appropriate for this community, where so much of our susceptibility to abusers was about not honouring ourselves, speaking up or laying boundaries.
That’s so beautiful that you are doing the real work to develop and heal you.
Thank you for your post TT.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Now you made tears come into my eyes…I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you <3
Awww TT,
Bless!!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Mel,
Congratulations on your book release! How wonderful! I am so happy for you – !
Todays talk is amazing. I am on an article deadline that involved an interview with an old friend. I was procrastinating, hence watching the vid now… I realized first i have no intention to say I hate my negative emotions, that feels wrong, and a moment later you commented to that effect. Cool. Then I got in touch with my inner fear of alienating my friend by not using all his edits on the article interview, and wow does it feel good to see that, accept it, and do a mini release of it. Ready to get back to work!
As always, Thank you 🙂
Blessings, love and joy –
Valerie
Hi Valerie,
Thank you Dear Lady for your well wishes!
I love that you are so conscious and aligned my sweet friend!
Thrive On Valerie!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Letting go of old programed self forgetfulness essence movement have to be identified, then, i am able to let those programs leave, along , with all the other occular ankers that includes scenery and other minions and followers in the circumstances of my being abused . This process has releived me of great harm over the entire span of my life and i appreciate this program more and more with every new heart and soul space opening obtained as i create the power strength and force i have always been but did not know was mine all along.
Thank you Melanie Tania Evans for your majestic empowering program . I have never known this HAPPINESS before now that only i as an individual can know . “Behold it is not out there , it is within myself that i must do ” gday
Awwww William,
It is my absolute pleasure and I am so so thrilled that NARP is delivering you home to your magnificent you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Feeling the negative emotions is difficult. I have been running for a long time from them and they feel overwhelming, confusing, and I just want to be able to get through them sober.
Hi Mel
I’ve been a gold narp member for 18months now and I still squirm when feeling negative emotions ? I’ve made progress and I had an amazing and breathtaking response the very first time I attended one of your healing sessions!
Why do I find it so hard to love my negative emotions?
Thanks
Hi Eli,
sweetheart its not about loving your negative feelings, it’s about being willing to meet and feel them and let them go in your work with the NARP Modules.
That’s the true inner work to be able to live free of your wounds and fill with more Source (your true power and essence).
(You can’t heal what you are not prepared to feel.)
If you are a Gold NARP Member, I can’t recommend enough coming into the NARP Members Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for assistance with your healing work if you need it.
If you are not yet a Gold member then please contact [email protected] and one of my lovely staff will help hook you up!
I hope that this helps and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚