Melanie Tonia Evans

Narcissistic Abuse: Steps, Expectations and Possibilities With Jeanine Staples

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 17
29
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The last few weeks have been such an exciting time for myself and the MTE team.

It’s been incredible to see so many Thrivers, from all walks of life, coming together to spread awareness of narcissistic abuse, and the tools to heal for real from it.

I absolutely adore connecting with you all!

Please know, my new book You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse can be in your hands in just 3-4 days time if you are in North America or Europe.

You can pre-order your copy here to make sure it arrives as soon as possible.

But before you get a chance to read You Can Thrive, I wanted to bring you this next special guest interview …

Dr. Jeanine Staples is a dear friend and colleague of mine, she is an Associate Professor of Literacy and Language, African American Studies, and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the Pennsylvania State University

As a revolutionary leader, Jeanine is the founder of The Supreme Love Project where she helps people rise up, heal and take their power back to experience extraordinary lives.

Because Jeanine personally suffered narcissistic abuse and succeeded in her own recovery, she is a strong advocate for the Thriver Community.

Many of you in the Community already love Jeanine and for those of you who don’t know her, it is my absolute joy to connect you to her wisdom, passion, and charisma.

I hope you enjoy this evolutionary, rich, information-packed discussion!

 

 

Show Notes

Jeanine shares her narcissistic abuse story that came after a time of crisis breakdowns in her family. (3.36)

The link between a co-dependent upbringing and seeking another ‘parent’ in future love relationships. (7.33)

How your outside life is a reflection of your internal programming. (12.44)

The first steps to recovery from Narcissistic Abuse covering journaling, going no contact, trauma bonding and more. (13.55)

The Narcissist’s defense mechanisms and how a co-dependent can be compelled to defend themselves when in an argument with Narcissist. (18.43)

How to reclaim your soul and your life, moving from just surviving into thriving and coming home to yourself. (21.06)

How men are affected by narcissists too, epigenetics and survival programs and unresolved terrors. (26.04)

How it feels to have deep shame for falling for a narcissist. (34.19)

Unity Consciousness, finding your Recovery Tribe, the NARP Forum, and why you are not alone. (38.39)

Why it can take a series of catastrophic events to wake up a co-dependent. (44.08)

What you should expect for your healing journey and beyond. (58.44)

 

Thank You For Watching This Interview!

And I hope you get just as much enjoyment and inspiration from listening to this, as I always do when I connect with Jeanine!

If you missed any of the interviews, you can go back and watch them here:

Why Narcissists Target Lightworkers With Theresa Cheung

Healing The Blocks That Set You Up For Toxic Relationships With Katherine Woodward Thomas

Empath’s Guide To Healing After A Narcissistic Relationship Breakdown With Dr. Christiane Northrup

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed bringing you this series of expert guests over the last few weeks.

I’d love to hear in the comments if you’d like to see more interviews in the future!

And as always, I’m looking forward to connecting with you regarding any questions or comments that you have about this interview. Please post them below!

 

(Visited 1 times, 172 visits today)
The following two tabs change content below.
Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

Your Free New Life Starter Pack

2 free eBooks free intro Video 2 hour free Webinar
  • Find out if someone in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
  • Learn how to do “No Contact” and keep it for good.
  • Discover how to get relief from the pain.
  • Learn how to reclaim your life with my 10-step process.

Sign up below to join my Community of over 50,000 people, and receive weekly information, inspiration and tools to get your life back on track.

ssl security padlock   We value your privacy. Your information will never be shared.
29 Thoughts on Narcissistic Abuse: Steps, Expectations and Possibilities With Jeanine Staples
  • msviking212@msn.com'
    Carol Rafferty
    November 11, 2018

    I am problems with getting a good therapist or even a good psychiatrist. I had good ones, but the therapist did something against my daughter that wasn’t true & was fired. The psychiatrist retired. My MD I think she was blabbing what I was telling her, because her medical asst. gave me a knowing look. The next few therapist didn’t help at all & over charged me. The ones I now have the psychiatrist I thought she wasn’t very nice. The therapist, I missed the first appt., because I was ill. She hasn’t called back or answer my calls & neither did the boss. This is suppose to be a trauma center & billing will fraud you, so now I pay by cash. I lost everything. Men take me for granted & try to use me, fraud me, or say how much they think I’m pretty & they do not mean it. I’m so tired of being treated unfairly. It has lead to restless legs movement & that is not the sensation. It feels like you are fighting a demonic creature all night long & your body can’t rest. Exhaustion is beyond reason & it’s not curable. Behind our apts there is a block long sink hole & I’m moving again, 3 times in 5 years. The apt tried to fraud me several times, gossips & slanders my name & expects more than I can. They do not care my blood pressure goes up & I am sick. The one office staff was so horrible I landed up in the hospital, because my blood pressure went way too high. I found some women who in a kindness movement & I have joined. Other than one wonderful doctor all I know is nastiness. I’m so tired & I have to move & from the constant nightmares I have gone so depressed & fighting given up. I left him 9 months ago & he went ghosting. He has destroyed the family unit. I found out that some lawyers & judges are corrupt. They want to know everything you own to keep it going & take it all. If you don’t pay, you land in prison & the damn police look the other way. Try to find people to understand & be like minded people. Even in support groups, it can get really nasty. Lost trust almost completely.

  • sherlgr48@gmail.com'
    Sherry Gray
    November 11, 2018

    Let me just say WOW! I’ve visited this community over the past few years and feel like I’m really at the place to embrace this. Thank you both for sharing. I so understand what you both talk about with the breakdown that seems to come before authenticity takes place. I have been striving for this so long. I’m so tired of trying to control, to adapt, to figure out things. Instead I will try to just care for myself and heal now. You’re so right about the codependent woman, we are so powerful. I welcome authenticity, sharing, being real and dropping defenses. I’ll be following more closely and learning more with you. I know we need community. It is far too easy to not see things when you’re life is intertwined with a narcissist. It’s not like anything else, the same rules don’t apply. Thank you for being there. You’ve reached inside me, I can’t find the words to say this, but it will come. I look forward to being a part of this tribe. It is home and rest. Thank you for your authenticity.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Sherry,

      That’s wonderful that you received hope and inspiration from this interview.

      I’d love to welcome you into this incredible Thriver Community where our emphasis is on being our freest and most authentic self.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Blessings and healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Melanie.anderson757@gmail.com'
    Melanie
    November 11, 2018

    AWESOME! I FINALLY GOT IT! Today I purposely spent time getting out of my head. I understand that I’ve got to do the work within! I KNOW I’m close. I just finished neurofeedback therapy to help with my PTSD but I still suffer with anxiety about how I’m perceived in the world. I’m in talk therapy to share my story because my voice has been suppressed since birth. I will be VICTORIOUS and I will be my true authentic self no matter what!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Melanie,

      You are so right, that is where it’s at!

      I’d love you to experience the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing that myself and so many others in this Community have used to powerfully achieve the inner work transformation.

      You can do so here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending you abundant blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tru.lux.pro@gmail.com'
    meri
    November 11, 2018

    that was really hard to hear initially if she was asking me to support her for two years acting as simply co-dependent when she knew she was the “other” woman… just really triggery that I heard it took her that long to come out of her “fog” when I would have hoped it would be obvious as soon as it was discovered that there is a marriage involved she would have cut contact immediately considering she takes on an abuser role herself once involved in infidelity… thankful she did get herself out of that situation and her confessional honesty is appreciated in that she did recognize her role in order how she took internal power to manifest the change

    speaking as one betrayed by a knowledgeable OW , I own my bias and triggers so not coming from judgmental place, just sad it her so long while thankful as in so many cases = better late than never. I do not consider her rationale of “gaslighting” though as she knew about the fiance. That was not a boyfriend, in my opinion, so her still referring to that man, while realizing it is challenging to be “civil”, nonetheless minimizes her involvement as an abuser of that fiance in infidelity and I would encourage her to call the whole mess as just that = a relationship mess that yes, created nothing more than a trauma bond

  • valpal@rogers.com'
    Valerie
    November 12, 2018

    Dear Mel, interesting show! I am hearing impaired, suffer from auditory processing deficit and thru much research it is obvious I am ADD. Many older people are now being diagnosed. I am 74. My son has it and I believe my mother. All my life I felt misunderstood because of my hearing. People simply do not understand and I have attracted many narc into my life. As you have said they really are the gift. I struggled with your Narc programmes, as I had difficulties with the low volume. I persevered and truly believed, that I could have quantum healing. This was 18 months ago now. The terrible unrelenting anxiety left me. Slowly I have become stronger and stronger! Then I had encounter with a so called friend. She gaslighted me about my hearing, she just would not listen. I saw it immediatly. We were away on vacation and I could not leave, so I disengaged! I am empowered! A life time of struggling with trying to be understood. I am healed! Thank you for your programme and all the videos. Yes, we will continue to be triggered, but awareness allows more healing to occur, it is a process.

    Just one question,do you have other members who have disabilities, and have they been healed?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Valerie,

      I am so pleased you have been breaking through with NARP and releasing trauma and getting stronger.

      You are so welcome Valerie and yes please do know that many members have healed supposed chronic unhealable conditions and disabilities, including myself.

      Wishing you continued healing and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ka.cardinale@hotmail.com'
    KathyAAC
    November 12, 2018

    I am inspired by this conversation with Jeanine as I start my healing journey with the first module. Personally, I was disappointed it ended with labeling our current President. As a new Thriver I understand we are supposed to keep the conversations about ourselves and our healing journey, not on victimization and who we personally consider, rightly or wrongly, an abuser.

  • Moofbh@aol.com'
    Rose
    November 12, 2018

    How do I work with myself when dealing with a narcissist husband AND his atty whi,e going through a three year divorce going to trial?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Rose,

      My heart goes out to you, this is a very difficult time when dealing with a narcissist.

      If you google my name + divorce + court you will see many resources that I have created on this topic which I hope can help you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
    Julia
    November 12, 2018

    Hi Melanie,

    Now when I have in my healing journey moved from acute crisis and awful pain to more reflective state, I have more time (space) to “think”.
    I’d have a miserable question for you, and it is miserable because I already know the answer…because this is the way how I have lived my life.

    I’m in my 40’s. In my childhood, my mother was motherly, very good, she did her best and more. I had lovely nannies. But my father was alcoholic, unpredictable, didn’t allow emotions, was abusive and scary. I see now, that the n abuse was an exact replica of this 🙁

    So my question is, why I developed this “trauma identity”…It is really “enough” to have one person in childhood to cause it, even though I had so many good and normal people in my life too? Or maybe I became half and half. I have always had and made wonderful friendships with women, but men are the bad guys in the story.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Julia,

      Oh yes absolutely it is!

      As Buddha said ‘If you want to know what is going on in your inner world look at your outer world’.

      Imagine the little girl subconscious beliefs about ‘men’.

      As adults we unconsciously choose the same people hoping ‘daddy will be different this time’ yet the rewriting of the beliefs needs to happen within ourselves.

      This is where Quanta Freedom Healing is such a powerful subconscious healing tool to do this.

      I’d love you to experience the shift it can provide you to heal that unconscious program once and for all. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • kevinjohnlord@gmail.com'
        Kal
        November 13, 2018

        Hi Mel,
        Nice blogs.
        A lot of human interaction occurs almost subconsciously – we seek the familiar, good or bad. So as you say: to see your inner self one has to be present and aware. To unpick one’s thoughts and feelings can be painful but necessary to find the true self.
        I enjoy reading your blogs 🙂
        Kal

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 14, 2018

          Hi Kal,

          It is so true they the changes need to be on the inside, otherwise we show up and choose what is familiar … no matter how painful.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • tuuliturtola@hotmail.com'
        Julia
        November 14, 2018

        Hi Melanie,

        I have done narp and eft, at least tried to. I think ever since childhood I’ve been on high alert, never safe or relaxed. Now I have noticed, it is very difficult to heal those childhood beliefs, patterns, behaviours. It might be that indeed in my childhood they kept me “safe” (from father), but now as an adult they don’t work anymore. It’s become a really annoying “catch-22”. Some part of my mind seems to think, that I need to hold on tight to those old beliefs etc. in order to be safe, but they don’t actually keep me safe, they keep on created the same (unsafe situations). So it feels unsafe to let go of the beliefs that actually keep me unsafe! Bizarre. Can narp help “by-pass” this paradox? I remember reading somewhere that our minds/bodies have only one goal/priority: to keep us safe. So I feel these safety issues….they are hard to heal, they don’t want to “dissolve”.
        I wonder if I would need some other therapy, or whatever tool, too? Sometimes I think, like a joke, that I don’t do all this healing work in order to “get a man”. No, that would be humiliating and further reinforce this my belief, that it is me who needs to be “fixed”, it is me who needs to be better and only then I can get man/love.
        I have noticed that the safety issue have affected my whole life, not just attracting n’s, but also unstable finances, work situation etc. For so long I tried for example to manifest lottery win (and the “dream man” and what not) and was so angry when it wasn’t “working”. I just realised that I always (unconsciously) waited that something outside of me needs to change and THEN I can relax, be safe. I see now, it doesn’t work that way! Something inside of me needs to change first, but it seems to be difficult to do 🙁
        By the way, I had body acne for years. Just now I started to think, could it be…that it is the nature’s way to keep me “safe” too? If I look like that, surely no man will want to come close to me! It was the first or second date with the n, and he said “you have such a beautiful skin”. Gosh, aren’t they skilled and clever? 😀 He immediately knew what to say, to make me feel really good about myself. He said everything that I “needed” to hear.
        I have also this question that brings me anxiety: Is it possible, that it is impossible for me (or for some people) to heal, what if I am too much damaged, permanently damaged? Like that no matter how much I have willingness to heal, some brain biology/chemistry makes it impossible? I mean, our brain develops when we are children, and they are fixed by the age of 30 (or so I have read). I feel I’m used to be on “high alert” and sort of my brain is wired that way, can I really heal all this?
        Have you for example ever met anyone, who really wanted to heal, made real effort do to so (using narp or some other energy healing) and then somehow wasn’t able?

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 15, 2018

          Hi Julia,

          I’d love you to come into the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help you get past these blocks.

          Yes NARP work can target the trauma, and release it, that is causing you to be blocked when trying to let those beliefs go.

          Many of us, myself included, have had to ferret out and release these identical blocks that you are experiencing.

          When you know how to release them, and you’ve had enough of them it’s totally possible to do!

          It’s great that you know it’s the healing within that is essential … and please know with desire, guidance and application … I have never met anyone who can’t heal with Quanta Freedom Healing.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cperron@san.rr.com'
    Cindy
    November 12, 2018

    So inspiring :):) Thank you Mel and Jeanine! Big take-aways… first the sludge, then the walls, then the up-leveling, then the walls, then more up-leveling… to lighter and more powerful and peaceful places, and so on and on and on. So true how Jeanine describes how this process requires self (with God) and community in lock-step… Thank you for providing guidance and structure for this 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 12, 2018

      Hi Cindy,

      I’m so pleased you enjoyed this and it gave you great direction!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rbe1112@outlook.com'
    Rebecca
    November 12, 2018

    Wow! Awesome conversation! Thank you Melanie and Jeannine for sharing your experiences and wisdom! I’m feeling inspired! I love your explanation about boundaries, Mel and Jeannine about going inward and coming home resonates with me. It’s been difficult for me to accept the reality that my parents, past love relationships, friends (and other relationships) have been narcissistic and toxic. I still have doubts even though logically I know – It’s so confusing. I’ve also experienced abuse by my doctor and other “health care providers” recently which has been devastating. I’m struggeling with brain fog and my communication ability has been affected by Lyme disease which is frustrating and embarrassing, and of course the fear of CRAP creeps in so often but I’m so grateful I have the tools necessary to work through it and heal so I can finally be free! People in the comnunity I live in are not aware of what my children and I have been going through so finding supportive people is challenging for me. My goal this week is to write more about my gifts, abilities and blessings! And also to do module 8!💕🙏🦋

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 13, 2018

      Hi Rebecca,

      I am so pleased that you enjoyed this and are a part of this community so that we can help support you.

      Rebecca are you in the NARP Forum reaching out for suppport, this will help you breakthrough so much
      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • m.b.grant65@gmail.com'
    Renee Grant
    November 12, 2018

    Thanks and love to both of you Melanie and Janine. It is so true that when you are on the Thriver path, that you can get smashed down again, when you least expect it. I love the idea of a Vision for after Narcissistic abuse and going NC. I am 2 years into my Thriver orientation and have just had an amazing turnaround that was so unexpected. However I did need the help of the Moderators, and other forum members who I am eternally grateful for. And then at the weekend out of the blue a n SIL hits me hard, and back down into modulling again.

    I feel at this point in my Thriver life, that I am starting to sort out a different way of being in life. People who I thought were my friends just can’t meet me anymore. And that is because I had been doing most of the work in the relationship, so I am letting go and letting God and seeing what emerges from the space. It is scary for others in our lives, when they see the devastation of losing family members, who don’t have our back at all. My husband and adult children are quite shocked that I no longer want his family visiting, as they have their own agendas and do not respect our needs or commitments. It is about honouring our “little me” and doing whatever she requires to feel safe secure and whole. I am becoming more of my True self day by day.

    This has been a wonderful interview that gives me such hope and a vision for my future thanks to you two incredible ladies, and your service to the collective. Hugs xxoo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 13, 2018

      Hi Renee,

      Totally 100 percent we do reach big breakdown / breakthrough places along our journey – and when we meet them and do the inner work we catapult into a whole new level of expansion … even though it can feel so challenging at the time!

      It takes enormous courage to back the sovereignty of your soul and live aligned with it – by saying ‘no more’ and being prepared to lose it all to get it all (including specific people) and I salute you in doing so Renee.

      So much love to you Dear Sister.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • m.b.grant65@gmail.com'
        Renee Grant
        November 15, 2018

        Thanks for your affirming words Melanie. I tuned into your Book Launch yesterday and it was so much fun. I love that you use your sense of humour and Tiggy to bring out your playful side. As always you are a total inspiration. Thanks for all your dedication to us all and I feel gratitude for the MTE team. You are so brave and courageous. The tide is turning and I feel the Lightworkers are standing together like never before. xox

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          November 15, 2018

          It’s my pleasure Renee!

          Thank you for your beautiful words and I’m so happy you joined in the festivities!

          It’s exciting times for us to be alive😘

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • dhughes268@gmail.com'
    Darlene Hughes
    November 13, 2018

    Thank you very much to both. This is very helpful information to hear, especially about the need to come home to ourselves. There is so much self-help information out there and it is so easy to fall into just reading and listening to “the experts”, but I hear you. The need to come home to ourselves is imperative to healing….. doing that however, I know is a very difficult task. I am currently at the bottom of the trench… A highly educated, not so young woman, that has done some incredible things in life… only to feel completely inadequate. Your interviews are very helpful. Hearing other highly successful women tell their stories of survival and recovery is important and empowering.

    My one question here is: how do we take that first step?

    Thank you again… dee

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 13, 2018

      Hi Dee,

      You are very welcome and it is our pleasure.

      You are right there is soooo much information out there.

      My Thriver Healing process which myself and thousands of others have used to self-connect and heal, for real, (even when nothing else worked) is a successful formulated step by step process already laid out for you.

      It starts here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Sending love, breakthrough and healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • catherinehowell13@gmail.com'
    Catherine
    November 13, 2018

    Great ..after 12 years of abuse ..10 years of antidepressants ..I have left my husband I have been doing Narp for 10 months I am off my antidepressants first time in 10 years ..I have a long way to go ..but cannot thank Melanie enough for my life even though I am only half way there ..when I feel anxious and afraid I take my small child hand and ask her to be with me because I need her ..hope this helps anyone like me who has been so hurt and afraid xxcatherinexx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2018

      Awww Catherine,

      I am so pleased you are getting through this and healing darling lady.

      Sending so much love and continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *