Melanie Tonia Evans

Financial Abuse – Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissism

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 6
32
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Sadly, narcissistic abuse doesn’t only come with psychological, emotional and spiritual torment. One of the most devastating things is the almost inevitable financial abuse. 

Financial abuse is one of the most widespread devastations in this community – so many people are stripped of the resources they have worked hard all their life for.

If you are going through it right now, please know you are certainly not alone.

Today’s Thriver TV episode is all about how why we fall into financial dependencies and traps with narcissists – and how you can heal from this, let go of the shame and restart your life, regardless of your age or current situation.


Maybe you are stuck in a relationship with a narcissist where you are financially abused and dependent, where the narcissist controls, withholds and abuses you with money. Or perhaps you are with an altruistic narcissist who generously grants you money but is making you feel like you are totally reliant on their money – and of course uses finances to punish, guilt and control you.

And maybe, whichever the case, you don’t have your own source of income. Possibly your health has now suffered so much from the abuse that you feel like you can’t generate any income. Perhaps you have always raised your children or you gave up your career to support the narcissist.

I can’t tell you how many people contact MTE every day who are in these situations with narcissistic people. Some of them realise what they need to do, and many more ask “What can I do Melanie, my situation is hopeless?”

And this is why, today, in this Thriver TV episode, I want to deeply investigate the ways we get hooked into financial abuse with narcissists and also how our beliefs and traumas about money and finances could be unconsciously keeping us stuck.

Most of all I hope, no matter how hopeless it all seems for you, that you find the strength, healing solutions and support that this incredible Community can offer you, to change your life – including the ability to create your own security and be free of terrible dependencies – beyond description.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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32 Thoughts on Financial Abuse – Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissism
  • premi@livingwisdom.org'
    Premi
    December 4, 2017

    It is so apparent that Melanie Tonia Evans has such a big heart and compassion. Thank you for the wonderful, free pep talks! <3 <3 <3 I love to share them.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Premi,

      thank you, that is so sweet of you!

      It is absolutely my pleasure.

      Mel xo

  • theresa458@yahoo.com'
    Theresa
    December 4, 2017

    This is so helpful and so true. My Narc thought all the money we earned was his no matter who earned it. We were both professional and earned a decent salary. He cannot tell me what he has done with any of the money I contributed to our financial accounts. Fortunately for me, I discovered what he was doing and took legal action to stop it before he fully bankrupted us. Thanks Mel for all you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Theresa,

      I am so glad this was helpful. That is great that you intervened and stood up for your rights.

      You are very welcome Daer Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  • pedalstheclown@comcast.net'
    Deloris Budde
    December 4, 2017

    I saved up a very nest egg for my retirement and then things were bought and he did not try for loans but expected me to pay for everything with the guilt if it does not happen. No home, no car, no storage area, no garage for autos or tools. I fell for it all and waiting on lawyer to try to recover what I can. I feel so used and so little for being taken in by him. I am so anger. I just want to lash out and make him feel as bad as I do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Deloris,

      my heart goes out to you, it is horrible when we feel these terrible feelings regarding the injustice.

      I’d love you to connect to my free resources to start understanding and receiving relief from this. The first step is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      Much Love xo <3

  • Opalshine1199@yahoo.com'
    Goldie
    December 4, 2017

    Thank you! I’ve been on my own and free for 3 years after nearly 4 1/2 years living with a manipulative leech. I’m still paying off the credit card but I am getting there. I have learned so much and will no longer let myself “ takecare” of anymore “ poor misunderstood “ nice talking men. It was my old care taking belief pattern that I now feel free of. Yes I’ve used NARP and lots of other techniques to get closer to healed. I have to forgive myself that it’s taking so long.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Goldie,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I am so pleased you are working with NARP to heal.

      Wishing you incredible healing and breakthrough.

      Mel xo

  • cryingmondays@gmail.com'
    Prefer to remain anonymous at this time
    December 4, 2017

    Very helpful and interesting video message, especially shortly before Christmas. Thank you.

  • cryingmondays@gmail.com'
    Prefer to remain anonymous at this time
    December 4, 2017

    Btw – amusing to see that ‘Tiggy’ the cat, decided to join the audience and listen to some of this talk 🙂

  • devorahariella@icloud.com'
    Devorah Ariella riga
    December 4, 2017

    Thank u always on time internal cause external effect would love to connect with u we are creating a whole new code for a new world your work and ours is very connected…. thank u so much I’m seeing my kids for the first time in 4 months …. he took everything even the children I wouldn’t give up my soul bless u Matilda and bless u Melanie I’m so grateful for all my reflections turning into new versions of myself the whole time I saw the blue butterfly 🦋 of course it would show up sending love ❤️ your sister

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Devorah,

      you are very welcome.

      I am so happy for you that you are breaking through.

      So much love to you too!

      Mel xo

  • Nliddington@hotmail.com'
    N
    December 4, 2017

    I feel a bit confused Mel. I identified with the internal dependence and non belief in myself. But when I was with my ex I was the financial sptivuder I put up all the capital for our home and supported him and his actions cost me everything I had.

    He never supported me so I didn’t become financially dependent on him. On a day to day basis I was better off as soon as I left .

    But 6 years on I’m still struggling to buy food and pay rent

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi N,

      I totally understand this dilemma, and it is another Thriver TV episode – regarding financial abuse, including the healing of this.

      Have you come into one of my free webinars to take the journey deeper to find and release the beliefs that may be holding you back – as well, of course, the trauma of what you went through? That is what I would so suggest in order to get to the bottom of this N …

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      • premdana@gmail.com'
        Dana
        December 10, 2017

        which episode is that as that is my position too as I was “the provider”. I stopped the money leak 2 hears ago when he left but im not now getting ahead again and I have CFS and a special needs son…

  • katjababei1@gmail.com'
    Kat
    December 4, 2017

    Thank you for this article, Melanie.

    My ex used all of the different tactics you describe. He tried to stop me from qualifying and when I did, stripped me of my money, whilst he earned loadsabd hid it away. He wanted me to always be at zero so that I was dependent upon him and so he could treat me as he wanted.

    He would but me treats once in a while as ‘intermittent reinforcement’- but even these treats were ones that he didn’t have to fork out much for!

    He destroyed my confidence so much that I – like you describe- doubted my own ability to generate income. When I got a nice job, I had terrible ‘imposter syndrome’- I kept thinking they’d find out how rubbish I really was!

    Thankfully I have received real appreciation through my work and encouragement. I have divorced him. For a long time after the divorce, I still doubted my abilities, but now I know I am capable- he just wanted me to think I wasn’t.

    I went through a dreadful time during the divorce, as he was doing anything in order to ‘win’ and to try to leave the kids and I destitute. But I fought him, and because of fighting him I think I can finally say that I am proud of myself- something I could never say before!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Kat,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      I am so pleased you have fought back and rebuilt yourself.

      You should be very proud of how far you have come

      Wishing you continued blessings and expansion.

      Mel xo

  • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    December 5, 2017

    Does this apply to work situations? How do I apply this to getting the job I desire and am welcomed to whom see my value to their business? It seems people are so disposable in the US? I lost a great job thru narcs some 5 years ago and have never been able to get that same level of work or better back in my life now? I’ve applied for work, but to no avail. Feeling very stuck here. Ive kind of have given up on finding more and better work again cause I just don’t get more of the work in which I excel. ….. Help.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Bren,

      it SO does Dear Lady! It is about shifting every limiting belief. When we understand there is “no outside” then all you need to do is shift “People don’t want (whatever that is)…” “People are disposable …” And have you cleaned up all the “I lost my previous great job due to N’s” and there may be beliefs about “the U.S.” in there …

      Set the goal setting Module to align with YOUR unique contribution being EXACTLY what a niche of people are looking for …

      What is that? What is it that you would want? What do you want to share with people, that is your skill that is truly you? Why on earth would there NOT be people looking for exactly that? Clear ALL your limiting beliefs that are stopping you feeling that as “possibility” “truth” and “excitement”.

      It’s time those limiting beliefs went Bren.

      You KNOW what to do. This is no different from any other beliefs that aren’t serving you. They are only “real” because you choose them to be.

      That’s all you have to do Bren, then a whole new world on this will open up for you.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • torimustang27@gmail.com'
    Tori
    December 5, 2017

    Spot on Mel!
    This is the reason I have been stuck.
    I even started to get illnesses over the years.
    You basically said it all in this vid.

    I hope my solution in finding my own independent
    financial resources will now present themselves.

    I have done the modules but this is the only one thing that has kept me stuck.
    Thank you for this video today!

    Tori

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Tori,

      I am so pleased this deeply resonates with you and can help you.

      Sending you many blessings.

      Mel xo

  • ebs@bellaliant.net'
    Elaine Baylis-Slade
    December 5, 2017

    Our Dearest Melanie.
    Deepest gratitude for yet another wonderful post.
    We all here have benefited from your seemingly unlimited generosity.
    I have been humbled by it and am grateful for it.

    I have been in every place and in every position you have described. I have been following your sights for going on over three years now.
    My spouse and I dated almost three years and were married for just over 24. We have been separated since then, (2011) so with the upcoming year it will be going on number seven.

    During a severe panic attack one night at about the three years into separation mark, I jumped out of bed , went to my computer, and punched in the words…”How to beat a Narcissist”, and Voila…there you were, and I’ve been here ever since.

    I just so wanted to say Thank-you to you today for all that you have given me 🙂 <3, as well as wish you and yours a wonderful upcoming holiday.
    Much love to Tiggy. X's.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Elaine,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I am so pleased I can help and that you have connected with our incredible Community!

      Thank you for your well wishes and much love from myself and Tiggy.

      Mel xo

  • karencarter21@yahoo.co.uk'
    Karen
    December 5, 2017

    Wow! I don’t know what it is Melanie, but the synchronistic timing of everything you send me in alignment with current issues I am facing is really extraordinary! It is so empowering to hear your story and to be reassured I am on the right path, having been stung by two narcissists in different ways, leaving me on the brink of destitution with two sons to support. I am still in the early days of recovering but have healed so much on the inside that I am confident the outer is currently arranging itself to reflect this, and I am so excited to see this manifest. Is there a particular module you would recommend for healing money beliefs, or any books you found life-changers to further support this aspect of recovery?

    Thanks so much for your constant support. Everything you write and say resonates and I am eternally grateful for the clarity you shine on this subject, and the support you provide, unlike anything I’ve ever found. Looking forward to finding my niche and rising from the ashes, and feeling blessed and grateful to have the resources you provide to support that. A big heartfelt thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Karen,

      I love that so many of us are aligned together and that we are in synch!

      Ok, I love the goal setting Module in regard to working with money beliefs. Truly – feel into all “that hurts” in that area, and set up the Goal “The Source Healing and Resolution of This” and keep working on releasing each trauma regarding finances until you reach a 10/10 on the goal – and you will see HUGE shifts in your circumstances.

      I love shifting rather than learning, there is NO substitute for “becoming” yet whatever you are personally drawn to, go there and you may get more clues as to what to shift 🙂

      Thank you for your lovely support and I am honoured that I am supporting you.

      Much love to you Karen from my heart to yours.

      Mel xo

  • mjoyelmhc@aol.com'
    Mary
    December 5, 2017

    As a licensed mental health counselor who works with NPD abuse often, sadly too often, this is a great article that should not be missed. Virtually all of the clients I work with that are battered women are trapped because of financial abuse. All of them. Value yourself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Mary,

      I totally agree, it is a common issue that requires healing. Keep up your great work 🙂

      Mel xo

  • anastasia.bethany@gmail.com'
    Anastasia
    December 5, 2017

    Melanie – you are a superstar! This is precisely what I have been going through with family – it seems you read some of the comments I left ina support group because of how precise is your answer to my current extremely troubled situation! Thank you over and over again for your time, dedication and courage in terms of talking us through these situations in your videos.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      December 5, 2017

      Hi Anastasia,

      It is my pleasure Lovely Lady, and I am so pleased this helps 🙂

      Mel xo

  • p.j.godfrey@hotmail.com'
    Jane
    December 18, 2017

    Thank you for this. In my need to be supportive, I gave up three wonderful career jobs, but with the last move to the UAE, was unable to work. My husband was always telling me that we should put our bank accounts together (meaning me giving up mine) as that is what truly committed people do. There was a knowing deep down that I acknowledged and wouldn’t follow his directive. I only wish I had listened to my gut more as now being separated there are many difficult challenges ahead, but… it is what it is now. I was really helped by listening to this episode (all of them actually), and feel the beginnings of hope at looking inward and trusting myself. I’m not sure what I’ll find altogether, but what you speak of sounds like a wonderful place to be.

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