This week’s blog is a continuation of last week’s blog Who Is My Inner Child
Last week my client’s session was about discovering her inner child and learning how to nurture it. If you haven’t read it yet please take a look as it will help understand my client’s next step of her journey.
This week, when my client started learning to embrace her inner child, we found the next ‘block’ preventing her inner child by being fully accepted by her. Deep down she hadn’t forgiven herself for her past behaviors and choices. She hadn’t learned to forgive herself, even though conceptually she thought she had.
When we haven’t forgiven ourselves, we are not fully accepting our broken and unhealed parts. Because of this, my client could not fully embrace her inner child unless she ceased judging herself.
I would like to explain more about this…
Non-forgiveness is resistance, it is not acceptance, and it keeps creating our separation from self, and the re-enactments in our life of all that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for.
Why? Because life and our soul will keep co-creating all of the conditions necessary to show us how painful and unnatural it is to not love and accept ourself, in order to bring us home to self-love and self-acceptance (our most natural, desirable and authentic state).
Let’s look at this deeper, with a combination of logic and energetic reality. Can you comprehend and understand that everyone in the world does exactly what they feel is ‘right’ at the time of their actions given their present emotional state and fears?
Can you realise that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, (lets please get rid of the judgement and black and white thinking that never served anyone), because there is only emotional impulses and reactions or responses that do create desired results, or take people further away from what they really want to experience.
Let’s use the example of feeling unloved and uncared for by your partner. If you feel this pain intensely, and don’t know how to ask for your needs to be met appropriately, you may throw a tantrum. You may cry, scream, justify, play ‘poor me’, demand or blame. Do you think this is going to create the love, support and attention you really want?
No, of course it won’t!
Does ‘Right’ or ‘Wrong’ Serve You?
Was this ‘right’ or ‘wrong’? Or was it simply a reaction coming from your emotional pain that, at that time, you didn’t have a skill set to handle differently?
If you didn’t have the skill set, (the healing of your ‘trigger’, and the awareness of how to do it differently), how can you blame yourself for reacting to your pain? You can’t! You were doing the best you could at the time with the tools that you had…
Mind you, in regard to not blaming and judging yourself, please know you are still responsible. This does not mean that other people should jump in and sort out your lack of skill set for you. It never was their job.
They are not responsible for you, your conduct, or the creation of your well-being – this is your responsibility.
And it is not their job to cut you some slack and forgive you for acting in ways that did not inspire their love and connection to you.
They don’t have to forgive you, understand your pain, or know you were doing the best you could…
You need to forgive you.
Their part with you, concerning the abuse they inflicted or / and received, and even their reasons for deserting you and leaving you (if they did) are all to do with their own personal journey. They energetically (at soul level) co-created this dance with you for their own healing and evolution, which they may become conscious about and apply and heal, or not…
Mind you – truly, none of that is your business.
…What is important is your business with yourself
Are You Your Past Or Your Future?
When you don’t forgive yourself, you spend a lot of energy in your unnatural state, which means that you are not free to flow into your true, natural state. You have resistance which means that you judge yourself, dislike yourself, or may even have deep inner self-hatred.
You may compulsively go back into the ‘what if’s’, ‘I should have’s’ and ‘If only I had done this or that things could have been different’…
By being ‘the enemy to yourself’ your energy is wrapped up in survival and the inner torment over your past, rather than flowing forward into new pro-active and healthy creations.
You will continually attract people and situations in life that represent how you feel about yourself – and what you did ‘wrong’, which of course is a terrible reality to live.
Our souls are ingenious, and are always in direct collaboration with life. At soul level everything we experience in life is blessed – without exception. And in fact is always ‘right’ in that it is a divine creation and is working in perfect and divine order. The combination of our soul and life is always showing us ‘where we are at’.
If we are aligned with ourselves and integrated (love and accept ourself) we produce and experience more of that, and if we are unconscious, and non-aligned the same applies.
Being aligned and integrated feels great, it feels amazing, and life delivers wonderful and desired results.
Being unaligned and not integrated feels like pain, fear and emptiness, and life delivers the exact opposite of what we truly want.
Life and your soul are always working for you to help you become your authentic, natural state, which does and must start with accepting and loving yourself.
There is no way to get past this point, other than to become it.
What Is There To Forgive?
What is there to forgive when the real you (your soul) perfectly co-created with life all of the circumstances, reactions and results to show you what you needed to heal and get aligned with?
Thank goodness it did, otherwise you would not know how to create a better reality, inner peace, and true ‘oneness’ with yourself, and the bliss and security of knowing what it is to be an Authentic Self creating an Authentic Life (the greatest gift you could ever experience).
Do you understand the Gift you have been presenting yourself by ‘doing it wrong’?
Do you understand that the highest level of forgiveness is: There is nothing to forgive?
Do you think that forgiving yourself is ‘wrong’ because it means you won’t be accountable unless you keep punishing yourself?
If you do think this, please throw that belief system out the window!
When you are holding yourself separated from yourself (non-forgiveness) you are nowhere near creating a different way, or the true solutions that will set you free.
You’re not even on the football field, let alone near the goals.
When you accept that it was all in perfect divine order, that you were doing the best you could with the tools that you had, the pain that you inflicted on others was an experience they called forth for their own evolution, and all of the results granted you perfect feedback to work on yourself and evolve, then you can say:
Yippee! Thank goodness I was showing myself Who I am not, so now I can change ME in order to become WHO I REALLY AM!
You open the space for responsibility and self-growth, and you leave the old painful reality behind.
When you draw a line in the sand, you have a clean slate. Now you have all of the energy and the space to get on with your life, rather than rolling around in the mud, the non-forgiveness, the self-judgement, the pain and re-creations of your ‘less than’ past.
…and more and more of that…Ick!
Why on earth would you want to keep living that reality?
Your Essential Self-Development
Truly, self-forgiveness is vital. It rates right up there with releasing co-dependency tendencies, and learning how to implement healthy boundary function.
The great thing about taking responsibility for self is the realisation that you no longer have to change and fix anything outside yourself (which always feels powerless, uncontrollable and disappointing).
Because when you do work on yourself, everything in your outer experience changes, and starts to fall into place – truly EVERYTHING!
Please post any comments you may have about forgiving, or struggling to forgive yourself.
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