Melanie Tonia Evans

Healing Our Children By Proxy – Father’s Day Special

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 2
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

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I have a really special Father’s Show for you … and within this show I am interviewing a wonderful father.

It isn’t Father’s Day in other parts of the world, but this Sunday in Australia it is.

This show is about “Healing Our Children By Proxy”, and I am going to share with you an incredible healing process which can effectively help our children.

As a parent, we know we would do anything for our children – many of us would even die for our children. We would do anything for them to be healthy and well.

Yet, we know how hard it can be to help our children, because they don’t listen; in fact they often do the exact opposite of what we would like them to do. And no matter how much we try to lecture and prescribe, they usually push back and resist all of our attempts to intervene. This is why “healing by proxy” is so effective – because it doesn’t require our children’s physical involvement at all.

In this show I first talk about how I was able to help turn my son’s life around from being depressed, drug addicted and directionless to becoming confident and finding his way in life – with the use of Quanta Freedom Healing on myself …

And then I interview Ian, about his personal journey, and how that expanded into him wishing to energetically help his son.

Ian talks about how, in his teenage years, Michael was confident, successful at sport, handsome and had the world at his feet; yet he got in with the wrong crowd and had been on a downward spiral every since.

Ian was incredibly disturbed when his 30 year old son hit a rock bottom, and reached out to his father. Ian had grave concerns that his son would take his own life at this time.

In the radio show you will learn about the incredible impact Ian had on Micheal, and exactly how Ian was able to help heal his son from afar.

I’d love you to listen to this interview, and if you have any questions regarding “Healing By Proxy” please post below, and myself and / or Ian will be happy to answer them.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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11 Thoughts on Healing Our Children By Proxy – Father’s Day Special
    September 4, 2014

    Thank you for your posts.would you please explain more about healing our children by proxy,the technique.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 5, 2014

      Hi Claire,

      the process of “healing by proxy”, can be used with any energetic healing modality which works inside your body and contacts your subconscious.

      A therapist in integrity will dissuade you from “working on others” until you have worked on yourself.

      The process myself and Ian used is my healing technique “Quanta Freedom Healing”, which is the basis of the NARP Program.

      The full instructions come with the NARP Program and the Goal Setting Module is the tool in NARP to work with “healing by proxy”.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    Éilis Niamh
    September 6, 2014

    Hi Melanie, What wonderful timing for me to read this article. Thank you. 🙂 I have two questions. First, how healed must you be in order to do healing by proxy? I don’t know if any of us are completely healed, ever. If we have worked successfully through NARP, is it possible then to help heal by proxy at least on abusive relationship issues? Secondly, how ought we to integrate the little one of the person we are healing by proxy? Should we pick him or her up, pour into her unconditional love, and integrate her like we would ourselves, or should we imagine the person in question doing all this? Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 8, 2014

      Hi Eilis,

      I truly believe we need to be dedicated to shifting our own wounds, as opposed to trying to ‘fix’ others to make ourselves better.

      Does that make sense?

      In regard to abusive relationship issues, is it someone you care about who is in a destructive relationship? Or is it the abuser who is unlikely to either grant permission, or take responsibility to be a “good” person.

      If it the “abused” who needs help and grants permission – then yes …

      Yes we see the little one as “them”.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    September 8, 2014

    Wow, this was really interesting. I am so intrigued. I’ve noticed in my own work with QFH that as I do better, my relationship with people around me has been changing as well. My relationship with my son has improved so much mostly because we don’t project on each other as before. So the principle of healing by proxy is not entirely a mystery to me. But Ian’s experience, now that is something! And thank him very much for being so open about his experience. Now that I know that is possible, it makes me want to work all the more with QFH. What a wonderful prospect.
    Thanks for the show Melanie! Appreciate it very much. 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 8, 2014

      Hi Claire,

      It certainly does open up a whole new dimension in healing!

      I certainly have passed on your gratitude to Ian!

      You are very welcome Claire 🙂

      Mel xo

    September 10, 2014

    Hi Mel,

    Is it possible to heal a sibling through proxy?

    I have only recently begun the NARP journey (about 15 shifts in the past 2 weeks), and I know you mentioned you have to first be quite healed yourself in order to try to heal someone else by proxy so I understand I still have A LOT of work to do – but a sibling of mine has been suffering in a marriage to someone who, although may not necessarily be a narcissist, is emotionally abusive (extremely clingy, unsupportive, forces him to do all the work, extremely lazy and self-centered, rage outbursts, very emotionally needy, suffocating, neglects their children almost completely, etc).

    I wanted to talk to him about trying your program (he is at a very scary and very low point in his life right now – a lot of the problems he’s facing right now directly and indirectly lead right back to her), but I am afraid that:

    a) he will try to heal her while healing himself and I know you mentioned that it is extremely dangerous to join your energy to someone with a personality disorder beyond repair or someone malicious. I’m not sure how aware she is at her emotional abuse towards him and their kids, but she is not going to change anytime soon (this has been going on for YEARS), and it has taken its toll on him and their kids,


    b) I know you mentioned how going No Contact on the person who is abusing you is key before healing, so I’m not sure if him remaining in the marriage with her WHILE using NARP to heal will be effective…

    Would you happen to have any advice about this situation? After experiencing the relief from starting NARP, I would LOVE for him to be able to experience for himself what I have experienced. Should he try your program or should I focus on healing myself first and then try to heal him through proxy?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 14, 2014

      Hi H,

      sorry it took me a little while to answer, I missed this one!

      Okay …

      First of all there have been people who have worked NARP whilst still in the relationship to get the courage to leave.

      What I would do, is keep working your shifts and also do shifts, on your emotions regarding him.

      So this means the pain you feel “for” him shift that out of your body and align with the Goal “(My brother’s name) is coming into his true power and truth.” or something like that.

      I think it is a little early to be doing healing by proxy on him – and really what you want is the opportunity for him to ask you to help him.

      I this happens then you can work by proxy with him – but he has to want it.

      And you can suggest NARP but certainly can’t force him…

      Also Gold NARP would be the best option for him so that he could have the support of Thrivers who worked NARP whilst in the relationship, have children involved etc..

      You healing your “perception” of him will open up some space for change to start happening.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    March 18, 2015

    Hi Melanie and Ian,

    Great show!

    I’ve been through NARP, TFOW course, and 1/3 the way through the ES course. I am healing very well, and am so grateful for QFH.

    I got my daughter’s permission and I am trying to use the Goal Setting Module to heal my daughter by proxy, but I am really confused.

    What should I be basing my goals on? Should I be myself, or should I be a true proxy and literally be her. Which set from the following should I follow?:
    1. Using my resistance and fears to create my goals to change myself in relation to her, knowing that my resistance and fears are what is preventing her from healing and evolving. I visualize myself and use my past experiences and past lives — essentially healing myself, so she is more liberated to heal herself.

    2. Being a true proxy for her, actually standing in for her, getting inside her, stating what she needs to be healed. I visualize her and use her past experiences and past lives — essentially healing for her.
    Thanks for your attention.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 18, 2015

      Hi Cindy,

      I will do my best to de-tangle this for you!

      I would do both angles. First start with your stress / fears about her – you could set up the goals “I have freed up my energy from this to give space for (your daughter’s name) to heal”, and then release all resistance you have about this – that is your fears / pain regarding her.

      Then I would use your body as proxy for her. Now then all you do with this is either Module 1 work (NARP), or set up the goals she requires, and then trust what YOUR body exposes as resistance, and really trust this – don’t cognitively decipher or guess. Your body is now “her body” and will reveal perfectly, just as it does when you work on yourself with QFH.

      Does this make it simple for you?

      Mel xo

    July 22, 2016

    I have a question about getting permission before doing QFH proxy healing. Since most people don’t know what this is, how much do you have to explain before you really have permission? Can you give an example of how you would ask your adult child for permission?

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