Smear campaigns are some of the most horrible things that narcissists do.
The extent of the means, methods and lengths that narcissists will go to, to lie about and turn people against you is chilling.
I know that it’s very likely that you – like me – know how devastating it is to have the people who used to support you to turn against you.
And the more you try to expose the truth, the more people don’t believe you.
When this happened to me … having family, friends and colleagues and even my son side with the narcissist, I was so traumatised I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.
But I did …
And that’ is what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about – how I was able to finally beat the narcissist’s smear campaign and emerge not only exonerated but renewed and forever freed from the fear of being smeared again.
If you have been smeared and taken down and apart by a narcissist’s lies, then the truths in this video will be invaluable for you too.
Video Transcript
One thing you need to know about narcissists is that they smear you virtually in every case.
Why? Because it is unthinkable to the narcissist to take responsibility for their poor behaviour, self-reflect and do something about it.
The False Self is beyond reproach; therefore, it must be someone else’s fault, and if you have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, according to them, it’s yours.
Why Narcissist’s use Smear Campaigns
How a narcissist appears to other people is ‘everything’. When there is no True Self available to know self and feel whole within the self, all supply is required from others. Therefore, it is unthinkable to the narcissist to be exposed for being pathological, defective and ‘wrong’. If people were to disown the narcissist and turn away in droves, this means the narcissist can no longer extract narcissistic supply (attention and acclaim) or ‘stuff’ from these people.
In a black and white world of ‘dog eat dog’ which the narcissist’s ego is firmly entrenched in, this means that for he or she to be ‘right’, someone else must be ‘wrong’. The narcissist also believes that the best defense to their potential exposure is to crucify you publicly first.
This happened to me with narcissist number 1 horrifically, as I know it has happened to so many of you.
My Smearing Experience
This is what today’s Thriver TV Episode is all about … my personal story of how I got caught up so terribly in the smearing, how I fed it and got even more lined up and then how eventually I found the exact keys to break free from him smearing and reverse its effects.
The problems in my narcissistic marriage were numerous, with the most obvious being his intense jealousy and possessiveness. According to the ex-narcissist, I was constantly on the lookout for an affair, probably having one and was never to be trusted.
Those of you who have also experienced this, know how devastating it is to have ‘eyes for one person’ and nothing you can do will ever make them feel secure. His extreme jealousy and control were pathological, malicious and dangerous and it was breaking me. Yet so many people never saw the insane and violent outbursts behind closed doors. To them, he was charming, intelligent and lovely.
What people also saw was my steady disintegration, I was losing my mind, and it showed. One night I overheard him on the phone talking to a family member about my irrational behaviour and how I had terrible psychological issues. I also found out that he told one of his workmates that I was ridiculously possessive and controlling of him.
When I would confront him, he told me I had heard things wrongly, that’s not what he said at all, which of course made me feel like I was losing my mind even more. At this point of the game, I had no idea that people can make up stories about other people in such convincing ways.
And little did I know that, because he was a narcissist, he believed his own lies! As the marriage fell apart more and I was trying to get away from his emotional, mental and physical violence, I started to realise that he was dismantling my support structures.
My parents were seriously questioning my fidelity, and even my son started to side with the narcissist. Friends, including a previous best friend, colleagues and even my accountant, who had been a lifelong family friend were all deserting me and siding with the narcissist.
Why Narcissists Are So Believable
And this is the thing, narcissists have no conscience and boundaries. They are capable of saying literally ‘anything’ to people to get them on-side. This is what normal adults think when hearing the narcissists lies, ‘Someone who looks me in the eye and tells me this terrible information, wouldn’t make up something like this. It must be true!” And narcissists are so convincing when they do it, they know how to manipulate people and have them eating of their hands (which the ex-narcissist used to tell me how skilled he was at doing). And he was, like many narcissists.
Narcissists, unlike triggered victims, who don’t get people’s belief and support, know how to be calm, cool and collected and present a story that ‘seems’ balanced and ‘non-judgemental’. It would go something like this, “I am so worried about my wife. She is manically depressed and angry, and I’m trying to help her and suggest she gets help. Last week I discovered information on her computer about an affair she has been having. I’ve confronted her about it, and she went crazy and attacked me. I’m trying to work through this with her and I don’t know what to do.” (With of course the appropriate accompanying look of concern, care and helplessness.)
Of course, people believe this! Even people who have known you for a long time. They see how depressed, angry and fragmented you are whilst the narcissist appears cool, calm and concerned.
I love what a dear friend of mine, who works in Domestic Violence told me recently, that police are starting to be educated regarding sociopaths when they are on domestic callouts. A partner, who alleges that his partner has lost her plot and started acting crazy is NOT going to be cool, calm and collected. He will be beside himself… truly.
Yet, when smeared by a narcissist what happens is the calm person is believed and the person hugely triggered by injustice and trauma and not being believed by people, comes across crazier and crazier and has people turn away and against them.
Why Fighting Back Didn’t Work
That’s what happened to me, the sicker I got, the more I was smeared, and the more I was smeared, the more I lost the plot trying to prove my innocence to people who were siding with the narcissist. My entire life and support structures were all crumbling around me including certain people who I thought would never desert me. They did.
I hadn’t realised Quantum Law at this stage, the energetic truth of so within, so without.
Rather, I was enmeshed heavily in the deep, terrible trauma of the terror of what people thought of me. The injustice of lies, the narcissist’s lack of accountability, the unfairness of it all and the horrific lack of support from my people.
If we were to rate the level of my trauma about these things, it was intense. Much more like 100/10 rather than just a 10 on the scale.
How could Life be so unfair and cruel after what I had suffered? As a victim, I didn’t realise that Life was always only poised to grant me more of my Beingness, which I had firmly made about ‘what was goes on outside of me’. In ‘reaction’ to that, my Beingness was emotionally vibrating very loudly with trauma, injustice and victimhood.
Life/Source/God then granted me more of that as it always does. That’s how much it loves and responds to us, unconditionally without any judgement at all.
How I Defeated The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign
I believe I was truly blessed by the narcissist’s smear campaigns, for this following reason: I lost everything and everyone, and there was only one place left to turn, inwards to myself.
Before this time in my life, I had always been positioned in life as a co-dependent. My feelings and states relied on what other people and situations were doing in my life, because I hadn’t yet discovered how to create my own feelings, states and realities despite what other people are or aren’t doing.
When I did turn inside to heal, because there was nothing and no one left on the outside and nowhere else to turn, a miraculous thing happened. In my epiphany on my bathroom floor, I realised that all of this ‘stuff’ hadn’t been happening ‘to’ me it had been happening ‘for’ me.
The narcissist being a catalyst, a soul contract in my life to bring forth the painful and vital evidence regarding how I had not been whole within myself.
When I started healing the terrible traumas (100/10 in intensity) regarding smearing with Inner Identity Quantum Tools (Quanta Freedom Healing) what I discovered was what gets triggered off with most of us when smeared – ancient, past life, epigenetic and very young survival programs about the terror of ‘being wrong’.
Shocking fears of being persecuted, punished, cast out and even executed for being judged as ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ or ‘defective’. Literal terrorising survival programs that were so powerfully activated within me, that it felt like if I didn’t change other people’s ideas about me that I would surely die.
And I realised how these deep primal terrors had limited me so much from expanding and going for my life. They had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and they had never allowed me to be fully myself.
When I healed these fears deep inside me, what I discovered is that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life if they didn’t like me. I started to feel whole, alive and safe even though there were so many of my support structures, contacts and connections that were probably gone forever.
It didn’t matter now, because I had firmly come back home to myself.
I discovered, going forward that I was able to start speaking up, confronting things, being myself and there was no longer the angst around people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. I realised how much this had haunted me my entire life.
And, here is the BIG thing, if it hadn’t been for the narcissist bringing me to my knees regarding my terrors of what people thought about me thus bringing up my persecution programs, I would never have healed this which already existed within me.
This is the miracle that happened after this – people started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.
The justice I wanted came, not because of anything I did, but because of my Beingness! So within, so without. When I validated and came home to knowing, believing and loving and accepting myself despite all outer conditions and regardless of what people thought about me, the outer conditions had to shift to match this! It’s Quantum indisputable Law.
The Quantum Way to Expose A Narcissist
I hope my personal story inspires you to know that Life can only grant you more of your Beingness. No amount of doingness from a shattered Beingness will grant you the shift you want. There is only one place to tend to regarding narcissistic smearing, inside you. To heal everything that is being triggered and terrorised by the behaviour.
Then you will discover what I did, that when you no longer require anyone else to believe you, support you or know who you are because you have shored all of that up within yourself, that is precisely when they do.
We never get what is missing, we only ever get more of Who We Are.
Additionally, you also get to evolve beyond a previous limiting belief and inner program that was stunting you in your life, in more ways that you can imagine.
Narcissists are a mega push towards our evolution, they force us to do it, and smearing is one of the ways they do.
If something inside you knows what I am saying is the way home and out of this, then let me show you the Quantum Way to heal from narcissistic abuse, the way that works. This is the way that so many people report every day on my numerous channels and in gratitude emails to our support team, and I know once you get started you can be on your way to relief, power and breakthrough too.
To get this started you can sign up to my free 16-day Course which has so many other free empowering resources for you as well.
You can sign up for immediate access by clicking here.
It could save their life emotionally and literally.
And I look forward to conjoining with you to have a conversation about your smearing experiences and any questions you may have.
This is so true! My ex-narc made up all kinds of things about me (basically describing everything he did but replaced himself in the story with me) and told the court, police, child protective services, and family. But, I had already become a NARPer at that point, and just like Melanie says in Module 8, I was calm and collected and literally didn’t have to defend anything. Two different judges literally told my ex to “shut up,” in open court, and I never had to answer even one question. CPS told the court my ex was “manipulative,” and lied in his “report.” Now my ex gets all of his court requests denied! My friends and family see him for what he is (insane, they don’t say “narcissistic”). This is all 100% true. Because there is no “out there.” There is only “in here,” inside of you.
Hi Katie,
How wonderful you used Module 8 to shift out the trauma! It really does render Ns powerless.
I’m so happy for your lovely lady!
Thrive On!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
You are one of the most brilliant people I have ever encountered. Thanks, and have a great Christmas and Holiday season. L.
Awww Leslie,
Thank you for your lovely words.
Wishing you and yours a beautiful holiday time too.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hey, there Melanie,
I luv you kitty!! My youngest daughter had a cat, just like yours, but a bit thinner. When, it comes to my psychopath, I wasn’t the one who exposed him, although I tried. I was called a liar. He was called the saint & I was the bitch. One of our granddaughters had joined the marines to get a way & she reported him abusing her & others. That is how he was caught, but no one knows he is a narcissist. I almost went to prison, because of him, although I was also a victim & laid in bed for nine months nearly died. My granddaughters were drilled hard, but stood by me, for some reason. After he was put in a medical building, he started smearing me. I lost everybody. I’m rebuilding: working on an interior/organizing/cleaning business, gone back into writing & researching. Moving again for the 3rd time in five years. What people think of me is none of my business, but when it comes to endangerment towards me & the other tenants that is a different story. We have a huge city long sink hole behind our apts. I believe, it was my AC unit that caused it & a whole lot of other problems. It started out squealing & grinding & no one would do a thing about it for a year. It caused a floor affecting 3 apts & that is when the sink holes appeared. My floor in the kitchen is cracking everywhere & getting worse as the weeks go on. Again, nothing is done about it & the lies continue. Through a problem caused by the bank & the bank won’t admit it, the apt. complex is demanding $150 in late fees & I refuse. They told me to pay or get out in 6 weeks. Impossible, because I also have a health condition, caused by stress & non curable. The main symptom is extreme exhaustion. My case worker seems to want to back me up, after I was about to fire her. Two friends are coming back & people are believing me, although so many are fighting me. Those who fight me, I don’t need them in my life & I leave them in my dust. Working on me now, because I had it with this misery. Moving is exhausting, but it’s the right way to go, with the way the office staff treats me. I actually blocked my door, so they can’t walk in unannounced & no more stealing my electricity by force. Then they have the nerve to send me a Christmas card. I will have been in no contact for 10 months the day after Christmas. Finding out more about him, he makes me sick!! Left my family as well. The eldest is his flying monkey so I blocked her. I’m giving the two little ones a few gifts & the rest I could care less about.
I want to say that I believe you saved my life Melanie. My ex was so abusive..I was with him for 5 years..kept going back. The very day I moved in with him he threw me down on the ground and told me to get up and go back to where I was. I was in complete disbelief especially when he said the next day, “do you have amnesia “. That’s only the tip of the iceberg..I got to a point where I finally had enough of his lies about me to everyone and when his arm went up..I thought he was going to hit me and I reacted by biting him on his arm. He called the police and I was arrested..but little did I know that was the beginning of my healing..because I had to take a class which basically educated us on this type of situation..and how the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. There was an order of protection and ended up sleeping in my car for 3 weeks until I finally found an apartment..it was awful..I really felt like no one understood me, until I had you tube videos suggested for me and that’s when I started watching you Melanie..thank you..I have a ways to go still for healing but..I’m on the up. God Bless You
Hi Lisa,
That is so great that you have got clarity and are healing now.
What a blessing! You’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you Melanie this is so timely for me. I have been doing Narps now for 2 years, and it was only recently (the last 8 months) I have been smeared by all my family, my dear codep husband and even my children. However I know that the only way to gain relief is to go within.
I have told the truth when my eldest daughter wouldn’t join us for family counselling, and she avoided me as well. I wrote a letter which was pretty authentic and I think it shocked her to her core. They haven’t apologised but my husband has thankfully. So my last super strong boundary was the hardest to implement, and the one that they reacted to so strongly. It is holding thanks to Source !!!
My adult children have spent a lot of money and time with the toxic in-laws, but now I have said my truth, I have faith that the mountains of trauma I am moving at the moment will seal off my boundaries, and set me free.
I am being called on to be an evolved mother, and love them unconditionally.
I wouldn’t have been tested so much if my boundaries had been firm when I bought them up. I did my best, and I had a narcissistic mother, toxic codep dad and three n brothers and two n SIL’s. On my husband’s side a n FIL, toxic MIL, n SIL, toxic BIL and another SIL. So my husband and I have had interference constantly from both families in our marriage. It has been beyond belief at times!
This last week before Xmas I am resting, and taking a module a day if I can. My adrenals have been exhausted, but I am believing that I can turn this health situation around. One wound at a tiime. I realise that my experiences have been at the extreme end of n abuse, and I am incredibly fortunate to have survived and now I am beginning to thrive.
I am reading your book and it is a salve to my soul. I am so thankful for your amazing programme Melanie and for my Narps family. I hope you have a wonderful relaxing Xmas. Hugs Renee xox
Awww Renee,
You are going so well. I’m so pleased you are enjoying my book!
It’s such a joy to watch you heal and Thrive!
So much love to you too and happy Christmas to you and yours from myself the MTE team and our wonderful NARP family.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank all of you for sharing your stories and thank you Melanie! My smear campaign has been going on for almost two years. It has been traumatizing to say the least. I was accused of everything my Narc was doing and then some. He even used my past child sexual abuse against me in court and community and said I was sexually abusing our 13 year old son. Tried to have me agree to be sent away for 90 days for treatment in exchange of seeing my son (my ex put protective order and had him removed from me). In the end I got my son who spoke to the judge himself! My Narc is so overt he’ll undo his own smear for me. My motto to him..
“You’ll tire of knocking me down before I tire of getting back up” – Jami Carlton
Hi Jami,
You are very welcome.
Well done for being so strong. Sending many blessings and breakthroughs to you.
You are right, your ex absolutely will
tire before you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie,
I have innumerable experiences of being smeared for most part of my life.one of the worst was in college which left the worst impact and damaged every bit of my life.at the end of 1st year of college there was a girl who came to me and would join me to classes,to study,basically everything.i had good friends since first year.she asked me ,’will they accept me?’.i still remember the day she so innocently asked me that.i said,’why not!’.i was more than happy to do that for this new friend.for the next one year we stuck like glue.we did everything together.then as third year came,she suddenly left-disappeared-no fights,no informing-nothing.just disappeared.she now was with my good friend say S.let me call her P. as days passed she started teasing people vulgarly. she’d sing lewd songs at me.the more I would insist not to,the more she’d do.all friends would gather together during meals and snacks.so when they’d see food they’d remark -eat that bi**h -and laugh. there was this uneasiness when they’d be around.three of them,S,say L and P.
As days passed the situation only got worse.there was a very sweet friend who was really loving and caring.once even though she dint have something to eat,she gave it to all of our friends.i remember telling her that she had this sort of a sweet motherly loving nature towards everyone.i said it with the best of intentions.now P made this whole thing dirty.she would shout at her and teasingly call her ‘Mummie’.sometimes dirtily ‘Muuuummmaaayyy’.
After a few days even the guys in our class started calling her that.she cried .these girls would call another guy daady and tease him with her.the whole situation became filthy.she made it that way actually.now the thing is who called her mother first-it was me! though I dint mean it in any bad way, I felt bad that no matter with what intention I said ,it hurt her because of a nasty twisted mind.as days passed she turned the other two like her.she increased arguments,fights and aggression for even small things.she would end up fighting with almost anybody for no reason.even talking to her was like waging a war.she would physically assault and mentally harass her claimed ‘best friend’.she had bruises and went into depression because of P.she had started her medication.she was thrown down the bed by P and was called a mad person by the three.c calling her mad they’d laugh.when this best friend came to me ,let me call her B,she was hurt that her bestie is throwing new people in her face and telling her how worthless she was and how amazing they were and was abusing her.it had become very difficult.anyone trying to correct her would be having to tolerate the hateful aggression.it so happened that I saw a huge green mark on B’s arm one day and she pointed it to P.she had physically assaulted her.she anyway was a nasty creature by now who even harassed me,so I said,it was like a drunkard hitting his wife.i was really angry.i stopped talking after that.
Within the next few days,she got locked in the toilet for a few hours.it was bad.S came up to me and said -you always support B .look what she did.i dint even know what had happened.it was a mistake.
After a few days I went to clarify and told P that I dint want her to suffer and that I wasn’t supporting anyone.she seemed OK.but within one day she started the mocking and teasing again.she now was telling me how I was with different friends each year.how I dint have friends constantly.the funny thing was that she was with my friends now.and they changed terribly.because I was being harassed and mocked persistently i stopped speaking.now she cried in front of another friend saying-she is ignoring US.she hates US.(this was the beginning of smearing)
the impact of the US was so great that they believed all those lies.it was very painful to digest this fact that this person was twisted to the core.irrespective of how she’d treat anyone or behave or worst case-abuse,it was still the victims fault.
if I spoke she had a problem and mocked so I stopped.because I stopped she would come and try to make me talk.i would only answer what was asked.as days passed ,she still tried to go on.she would act friendly in front of S and L,but when we were in the postings I would be shocked at the chameleon with absolute aggression.she would be shouting and screaming something about me indirectly.S and L really felt ignored.but I couldn’t speak to the nasty female anywhere.i dint want to.
I developed extremely high fevers,chronic coughs and I would cough like a TB patient.fevers and coughs lasted for months.my concentration on studies slowly dropped.i had terrible continuous chest pains like angina.i was in extreme pain and stress.ironically this was just the beginning of the next two years of absolute horridity.
the smearing and misrepresentation only got more dangerous and more horrible to my internal death.i failed in my final year exams and had to write them again.by the time I came out of college I looked like a dead rubbish.i had black circles not even dark around my eyes.i had severe nightmares and nightsweats even with the fan on full speed.my body would just heat up and I would just feel like I came out of myself .I can’t explain this .I felt totally disconnected with my body because of the excruciating pain.
i would utter the word whore in sleep.there were times I would almost puke imagining the sexual dirt they threw at me.i would wake up with utter dread .I couldn’t sleep for all those years and I was totally mentally damaged.i couldn’t think of anything else but abuse.
i was a ‘whore’,’fucker’….and many other things.she would sing lewd songs at me .there was another girl who joined them in final year .let me call her SS.she was known for stealing things and about this P told me when we were friends.now she joined her only to abuse me.she would always tell me how dangerous SS was. But now abusing me was more important.SS would stalk me and inspite of best efforts to bolt my room door and leave in silence,shed appear at my destination when I’d turn back.as days passed the stalking,losing things,sexual harassment,lewd songs only increased and got horrible.they once joked about how some guy had a fucking look on his face and they laughed and chuckled like hyenas.i wanted to die.she would joke even about rape and then laugh at me with a sick smile twisted to one side of her face.it was as horrible as seeing a ghost.i was actually getting sick,very very sick.i really felt raped mentally.i cannot explain that in words.SS stole my book right under my nose.like a maddened creature I searched in the department that day.i knew they had taken it.after a year the same book was thrown in the same department with out patient entries written on the blank pages.it looked like I was insane .I was not.they did every thing to make me doubt my own perception of reality.it was sadism to the core.
I hope no one suffers such horridity.because of the extreme torment,i did horrible things and cried even more.i became sick of crying.i thought I’d lose my eyes.my left eye has these floating black things even now.i innumerable styes damaged my eyes completely.t he outer corners of my eyelids got fused.my eyelids are still slightly swollen.
I literally cried tears of blood shocked at how cruel those females were.after crying so horribly for those years,i was so sick of crying that I couldn’t even cry anymore.i had become numb with the pain.totally dead-like a zombie.though I wouldn’t cry,the chest pains were exteme.my emotions were dead but the excruciating pains that had already manifested in the body remained.they were actually happy when they’d joke about sexually violent things about me.even when I was at home after I failed they continued the abuse with hateful profile pics,hateful links and other degrading stuff. even shock was a small word.even abuse is a small word when it comes to cunning and cruel sadism.
When I tried to tell someone what she had done to me ,she would spread even horribler rumours about me to them and totally deny the abuse.those people got convinced and stopped talking to me.i lived in sheer dread of the abuse,abusers and also the misrepresentation.i had developed deep self loathing after they abused me.i became very very sick.i would never even utter sexual words.but now only such abuse was on my mind.i was disgusted of myself .
I was thinking of things I dint want to think at all.even my mind was not mine anymore.
i was resisting the sexual filth that was thrown at me.but it stuck deeper and caused horribler nightmares.i would actually wake up at nights with the shock and horror of their wicked chuckles and smirks.,esplly P and SS.
I turned into another P.i could not flush her out of my system .the cruel and vulgar abuse stuck to my being mercilessly.i had become very very sick-totally mentally damaged which handicapped every aspect of my life.my worst nightmare came true -i became like them-not happily-out of extreme impactful and sadistic brainwashing.
Even my aunts were just like those girls in college-vulgar and sadistic.all the pain I experienced was because of the repetition of the abuse from childhood.
i was sexually assaulted when I was 10 by uncle and at 19 was molested by a stranger.my childhood was bad.almost all family members illtreated me and I felt like a worthless piece of dirt.my aunts spread rumours that I eloped from college,got pregnant,got myself aborted and hence i was depressed and failed and therefore put on so much weight.the truth was I had failed because I had the same scale of sadistic,disgusting horrific abusers just like them in college.I did not know why I would shudder at the thought of something sexual.i feared to death even with the thought of something sexual.unconsciously I would actually recollect the childhood abuse.
even me gaining weight was because I would unconsciously eat heaps of food and not even remember what I had eaten.back then I dint know why i did what I did.my friend once asked me what was there for dinner.i had just had food.i dint remember anything.my mind was blank.totally.
I could tell every detail about abuse,but nothing else.i was totally disconnected from everyday life.
I can actually write a whole book of the abuse I faced throughout my life-even since childhood, of the cruelty and sadism I was shown always.those girls were the worst and most horrific of all.
It is a true miracle that I came out of death to healing. otherwise death had seemed much kinder than such high levels of sadistic abuse.
I did a lot of work on myself.you were one of the most important people i must thank during that phase of healing.there were many times I thought I would die out of the sheer dread of the memories of abuse.
There is no smearing now.Even if there is,it doesn’t matter anymore.Earlier I would always be gripped by extremely high levels of shame to even talk about the abuse with the fear of the impact of it being minimized or worse being outright denied.but now i decided to just live in the Truth .
Thank you very very much!
Hi N,
It is very true that bullying / smearing st that level is incredibly damaging and serious.
I am so happy for you that you have done so much work on you in order to heal from the terrible trauma.
You are an inspiration and I’m so pleased that in some way my work could help.
Sending you continued healing, light and love.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
You are so wonderful. Your program is so very helpful to me. I have been though so much of the same kinds of things with this kind of abuse. I can’t tell you how much your program has helped me heal the deep wounds that made me attract a narcissist. i am so grateful for you, and this wonderful news that we can heal, and actually thrive after such a horrible ordeal, that in my case, went on for decades. I thank God for your emails and reminders that there is healing and there is light. I thank God for all that you do.
Awwww Celeste,
I’m so happy for you that you are doing the inner work, healing and breaking free.
Many continued blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Mel,
This is likely the one experience I’ve never had with a narcissist. I’m not saying that the narcs didn’t have some sort of smear campaign. I am aware of one who did. It was a client whose professional relationship I terminated for inappropriate behavior. He was a wealthy, entitled narc who was so wounded when I told my manager not to put him on my calendar again that he went on a huge smear campaign and this was a small town where I worked during the summer for which I was very well known as a healer. I actually had no clue of his smear. I didn’t hear about it until a year later when a coworker casually brought it up. She assumed I knew. Trying to get her to tell me what he had said was like pulling teeth. Not that I really cared, I was just curious and shocked that I was hearing about so long after it had happened. He started telling people I gave “happy endings” after our sessions. She thought it was too ridiculous to repeat. LOL! I thought it was so funny I went into a hysterical laugh for about 5 minutes. My laugh was so contagious that she started laughing and we were in tears. Literally, the whole dang town said not one word to me about it, they continued to support my work and treat me as though nothing had ever been said by the narcissist. I have no words to describe what that felt like other than just……beautiful. Perhaps he had burned enough bridges at that point and the town already had him figured out? I don’t know. I’m simply grateful that no one burdened themselves or me with his nonsense.
If my ex went on a smear campaign (we all know he did) I never heard about it. I went no contact with him and his entire family and all of his associates.
I’m so sorry that you all had to go through such a hellish experience. I would be deeply heartbroken and devasted if my loved ones turned on me like that. Such a horrible kind of loss of relationships. That would be worse for me than the smear campaign. It’s utterly amazing just how much
chaos narcissists are capable of.
Hi Asha,
I so believe, and as you know too, narcissists bring to us the experiences that slam our unhealed wounds.
It feels and seems to me that you had that one shored up already within you – hence all attempts to smear you had only benign affects!
I roared laughing too with that accusation – hilarious!!!!
Blessings to you as always sweetheart.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Thank you again. So timely, oi always get just what i need when i need it.
I have been struggling with the smear campaign, and how he changes stories and wear my character as him. I am in such disbelief, this brought me to anger and then the trauma gets back up. Since a couple of days ago,i started asking if there are is another way to deal with this.
Then came a sermon a i watched yesterday from MBB at Agape International calling people who are persecuting us as ‘noble friends’, to bless them and understand that they are simply reflecting their own state of consciousness, that nothing is being done against us, and they are giving us an opportunity to go within and grow in order to reach a higher dimension. I felt a relieve and my energy changed because it was the answer i was seeking.
Then, this morning i wake up with your message in my inbox addressing the exact same topic.
Thank you so much ! My energy even is different. I am no longer afraid of how people see me, my task is not to convince them and to expose him. My task is to go within and grow from this, and for that i thank him for giving me the opportunity to grow. I sincerely bless him now when i wake up and and when i go to bed while saying my prayers. This is the degree to which i am growing up and it is shocking to see that such good is coming in the middle of so much pain. Thank you for being my guide on this path. The universe lead me to your page about a year ago and that was the beginning of learning about slowly reclaiming my life back.
Thank you. I wish him well with the smear campaign. I am whole and i am enough. And i don’t need people to validate me or see me in a certain way.
ps: i have also cut all contact with my child since he is not the father(i am the one who asked you a question a couple of weeks ago on the impact of narc on children).
It only has been two weeks and my child is already improving, become calmer and returning to balance. Thank you !!! I do not know if i can ever thank you enough.
Hi kt,
I love that you have had your energy shift … that is powerful beyond measure!
You are very welcome and how beautiful that you are moving into your evolution and freedom from this.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Your words are so healing. ..thank you melanie. ..my sister has smeared me to my father and her sons and anyone else who will listen. ..my father kicked me out of his house on a recent visit refusing to gIve me a chance to respond to the false allegations. . I wanted to confront said sister decided not to and have walked away…not easy as I am effectively banished from my family circle…Mother is a narcissit I kept trying and doing the right thing but between her and my ex I was brought to my knees CPTSD and a serious diagnosis. ..abandoned by all in my hour of need….at the same time problems at work. ..I am now on long term sick and learning how to take care of me….your words hearten me and I know all of this is for my highest good if I can keep the focus on me and not them A Bigood massive heartfelt thank you. X
Hi Lorraine,
Oh gosh sweetheart it is so about letting go of trying to take responsibility for and fix other peoples behaviour and finally taking responsibility to love and heal ourselves.
And they can mean a total ‘goodbye and no more!’
Sending you love and healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Dear Melanie.
Once again there is so much depth in this informative video, thank you.
I wanted to ask you if you think an epiphany is something we need? Your description is so devastating and complete.
I feel I simmer along bit by bit only able to handle small bits at a time, like going into a cold sea step by step whereas others might just jump in and get it over with? I know what its like to be smeared by family whom you want to believe love you and all the men that have come and gone in my life, devastating.
What really stood out for me was your description of ‘the terror of being wrong” and the consequences of past life persecution survival programmes. This hit the nail on the head for me. In the eighties we were always being told ‘It’s none of your business what other people think of you”. I really tried to believe this but couldn’t and now I know that my fear of speaking up and being myself and not being judged as bad or wrong or defective has been connected to the deep primal terror of persecution and execution and in this life has caused me to live small, hand my power away and people please big time.
Like you described Melanie I didn’t realise till now how much people believing that I was wrong or bad had haunted me all my life. Right now since I have gone no contact with my family I am experienced all the emotions of grief, loss, sadness, guilt, betrayal and everything else and also the feeling of being scapegoated.
I am NARPING as much as I can right now and once again I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me a way through. I think I am getting there with really embracing the fact that this has been all there for me to heal.
With love and light.
Reena xxx
Hi Reena,
I love your question!
To me an epiphany is a ‘body shift’ it is a change in consciousness when we are different, rather than just try to change ourselves by thinking differently.
The most direct way this happens is to confront, hold, feel and release the traumas in our body that hurt, replace them with our True Self on that topic (NARP work) and then the epiphany happens organically.
By confronting the inner terrors of these survival programs in NARP Modules and releasing them, then people and situations will cease to have power over you Reena.
It’s so wonderful that you are embracing that there had been a purpose ‘for’ you to experience all that you have.
Many continued blessings and breakthroughs for you Reena.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hi Melanie – thanks so much for this. I am still dealing with the fallout of being smeared by my ex and the many people he has influenced, some 3 years after splitting up with him.
The emotional contagion of his hate campaign has even affected my relationship with people I thought were close friends. When I tried to touch on the truth with people, as you said, they turned against me even more, because he had spread rumours that I am mad or obsessed with him, as a smokescreen – he will hurt anyone in order to conceal the truth, which is so extreme it is hard to believe.
At first, the wall of silence I faced from those I believed were friends was very painful. The accompanying sense of injustice when I knew the truth about him haunted me daily. Now I feel glad I have distance from what became a toxic community and feel sorry for those still under his spell, as I once was too. He is exceptionally charming, handsome, wealthy, and from a very privileged family background, but above all he is DANGEROUS. Now that I know and understand his modus operandi, I am chilled. He pursued me like crazy (love bombed me), when I was at my most vulnerable – I later came to realise that pouncing on the vulnerable is his speciality. I now think of him as a giant mosquito.
Once P had me in a position of dependency, and trapped because my children and I were in a very vulnerable situation financially, and he had moved into my home, he then told me he had a serious criminal background – as serious as it gets! Furthermore, after telling me terrifying stories, which I didn’t know whether to believe were true or not, he then threatened my life should I ever tell anyone. So I found myself trapped, living in a nightmare and state of fear, terrified about what to do, where to turn, and trying desperately to get him out of my home. He even told me he had corrupt friends inside the police force ‘on the payroll’ who had already wiped any record of past criminal activity, so I’d better not even think about going to them. It was a nightmare!
Eventually, I managed to get him out of my home. To my horror, he moved next door. It was so chilling that whenever he would pass me he’d jump back to make it look to his children as if I’d pushed him when I hadn’t touched him, or literally put on a deliberate show for the neighbours, staging make-believe scenes to turn them against me. It was insane behaviour.,At one point he pushed me over and refused to let me in my house and stamped on my chest. The police were called and he was arrested, however, foolishly I did not press charges because I was frightened of his tales about friends inside the police force. I thought, he fooled me, he can fool anyone.,With my children to think of, unsure what to believe anymore, I felt terrified and backed into a corner.
Eventually when he was away on holiday, I moved, but still had to remain not far because of my children’s schooling. I am now chilled I ever let him into my space.
The extraordinary lengths he has gone to, to enrol people into his circle and ostracise me deliberately, picking off connected friends woth considered intent, using his charm manifesto, glamourous background, and hints of financial rewards, is something I have sparkling clarity about now that I have really gone deep within to understand how I could ever have wound up in a situation like this. I am a professional, intelligent woman, yet it happened.
For a while I felt I had to keep in touch with his attempts to keep me hooked, out of fear. I thought my life depends on keeping it all “nice’ so that we are safe. However, i have now found the strength to block and delete him from my life entirely.
With your help Melanie, I’ve come such a long way. I still have a way to go though. Allowing myself to enter into another love relationship is something i realise I keep pushing away.
P is now in a new relationship. I have tried to warn this poor woman, but he has clearly smeared me to her too. I pray that the truth comes to light – that she is safe and he is brought to justice.
I write all of this to help anyone else who is ever caught up in anything similar.
Since breaking away from toxic ties and a lot of the community he is firmly placed in the middle of, lots of good has come into my life. I have many new friends who are pure angels. I feel and look like myself again and my children are thriving. Most importantly I have learned to love, respect and forgive me for abandoning myself. To release self-judgement and find self-compassion has been the greatest challenge of all. But I’m now out of there and free, and I just keep on rising up to the light.
Melanie, you are unique and I am humbled that you having the courage to put your own experience out there has helped so many. You shone a light where others haven’t dared. And I am now standing beside you shining the light of my experience out there too.
So within, so without. The answer is inside you! So simple and so powerful. Still healing, deeply grateful and saying a big thank you for all you are continuing to do to bring this kind of serious abuse to light.
Xoxo
Hi Karen,
Goodness you really did go through this to a horrible extent (as so many people have …) and I’m so happy for you that you are up and out the other side.
The real truth is he does have soul contacts for all those he still affects … they have their own opportunity to rise in consciousness and take the inner healing path that you have.
You are so right Karen the only power we have in these circumstances is within. Please know how welcome you are Karen and it’s an honour to walk this path with you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I can’t believe so many posts are just from today. It is so extremely important to know we are not alone. To hear nearly identical stories is somehow comforting. My ex has convinced people, including my 16 year old son, that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. All because I finally found the strength to divorce him. In the process, I lost my son, who believes him and has opted for “no contact”- for now anyway. It is so painful to be in a cycle like this. I so desperately want my son to see the truth. He is a victim of the abuse. He has to appease his father to avoid the anger and rage he’s capable of. They have a bond in having me be the common enemy. I know that my son is in a psychological strangle hold. I also know he loves me. Hopefully he will come around some day. Any attempt to defend myself was somehow twisted to be “proof” of my condition.
The only out is IN. Trusting the higher plan. I needed to learn how to stop sacrificing myself for another and I wouldn’t have gotten that lesson from a healthy relationship. I signed up for this. My soul asked for it in order to be all I can be. I believe my son has a similar life path. I trust that and take solace in the fact that I love him unconditionally. My life is a miracle now. I am remarried to an incredible man – everything I could have ever wanted and more. I had to go through the fire to be here. My daughter is thriving and with me and goes to counseling to deal with her father and she knows who he is. I have never said a harsh word about him to her and that is so difficult!!! I tell her the truth when she asks about his lies about me, but that’s it and only when she asks.
Learning to be calm and not react has been one of my greatest lessons. It was what made me look “crazy”. I thought I was losing my mind and that maybe he was right in telling me I had BPD.
In my quest for more knowledge on the subject, and in addition to therapy, I scoured the internet. Your site is the only thing I have seen that gives people power. Real power in the face of helplessness. Letting go of the anger helps me to have some compassion for this very broken man. I still have my moments, but when I stay in compassion and gratitude for my lessons that brought me to my life today, I feel so much better than the moments in which I hate him. Time has helped make those moments few and far between.
Thank you for this most valuable information and insight you provide. You are God sent.
Hi Dee Dee,
Thank you for your post, it is so full of love, truth and inspiration.
You are such a beautiful soul for taking the high road and I wish you ever blessings and breakthrough, including with your son.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Hello from Romania Melanie! Great,incredible work, beautiful and super woman !! Thank you for this informative and healing work of yours!!:***
Hello Maria,
Big hugs and love from Melbourne.
Thank you for your beautiful
Words and support.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
My story is similar to the above but a little different in that the main NARC is my sister- a lying, manipulative narcissistic monster(who is now acting like a Catholic Mother Theresa to outsiders ) has gathered around her a whole group of uber wealthy, dangerous Narcissistic Sociopaths with one goal in life: to destroy me so that they will not have any consequences for their actions and so that I will not expose them for who they really are and what they did to me many years ago. The lies and manipulation, the smears, the filth they have spread and the bullying that these people have done is truly astounding. I believe that most people would have committed suicide by now.I reported them to the police several times in two states ,wrote a letter explaining the situation to a senator from Arizona where they are from – he told me to definitely find a lawyer and litigate- no thanks, talked with the District Attorney’s office here in Oregon and the Ethics Branch of the State Bar Association in Arizona ( two of the men are attorneys). Law enforcement cannot/will not help. I have moved several times to escape the bullying and even fled to Ecuador where I taught- they followed me, smeared me and created chaos there in several expat organizations that I belonged to. They have had three people threaten my life all with the same words: ” You need to forgive and forget. You could be here today and gone tomorrow.” Chilling.They have told people that they want to “Help ” by starting a business with me, knowing full well that I would never do that – OMG the mother lode of Narcississtic supply- no thanks 🙂 Every single one of the men involved have told other people that they were interested in marrying me at one time or another – Yeah, right … No thanks. Dating or marriage is out of the question- I would never be able to trust that he wouldn’t turn on me overnight and become abusive , like friends have, after being promised a business favor, money , being “fixed up with movie stars, billionaires, etc. etc. etc. (has happened over and over again.)You really do start acting irrationally when you are dealing with this day after day …talk about “crazy making” !
Thankfully , after 27 years of dealing with this and developing Adrenal fatigue, etc. I found your program, Melanie . I have also developed a daily meditation practice. Both have helped tremendously. I can say for certain that none of them will ever change , not sure if the bullying will ever stop , but I HAVE changed. I have been completely smeared , once again, in this town and I don’t even care. It is hurtful and shocking when someone that you thought was a friend suddenly turns on you, but, I am not dependent on anyone’s opinion of me…freeing. There is no juice when I think about this, it’s just something that happened.Paraphrasing a quote that speaks to me by Steve Maraboli ” if you depend on people to feed you , they can also starve you” . Even though the future is unclear right now- I am alone and now short on $$ and preparing to move again- I am calm and trusting in the Universe to show me the right path. I believe in my self and have found my sense of humor again. YAY !! ( They really are sad, pathetic , laughable creatures, aren’t they 🙂 ??? I hope that all of you here in this community do something fun for yourself during the Holidays . I know that I am going to make sure that I do. Take care of yourselves… Sending love.
Hi Kathy,
That is so awesome that you are feeling relief and breaking free!
Thank you for sending wonderful holiday wishes to our lovely community, and sending the same to you Kathy.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
🎄🎁❤
You are most gloriously inspiring. Thank You 🙂
Awww Catherine,
Thank you for your lovely words.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Last night while asleep I saw a dream, where the ex n took advantage of me sexually. It’s interesting because I never see nightmares (or any dreams, at least I don’t remember) and I always sleep like a log. It was disgusting and very repulsive dream.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt relief, it was just a dream. Then I thought, as a metaphora, we become abused when we are “asleep” (unconscious)…I must say the n abuse really was a wake-up call for me, an awakening!
Merry christmas to you Melanie and everyone and all the best!
Hi Anna,
That is so true as a metaphor.
Merry Christmas Anna to you and yours too.
Bless!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
My daughter is sending her father to prison for twenty five to life on sexual abuse and the aligations are fabricated because we were cutting her out of our lives. She thirty years old and enough was enough.
Hi Melanie,
Thank you for the pure gift of getting my lost soul back. It’s a struggle. She’s in there. It’s hard work. I’m continuing to work at it. This is a place (community) where others have been so horrendously de-viler i by monsters masquerading in human form.
We understand the empty stolen soul feeling.
Some days I can hardly get up…He bought a home less than half a mile from me. He has no reason to. My sons aren’t his. I went NO contact (after he kicked us out for the last time and then filed false DV charges. I had never experienced this kind of trashy behavior or treatment) 3 years ago. He smeared me royally. Two weeks after he knew I wasn’t coming back like his first ex wife would, he bruised himself up and went to the ER room and filed DV charges. They didn’t stick. He was the one who was abusive. Talk about a nightmare . He kept our furnishings and the boys couldn’t get their fish tanks.We couldn’t get into our home we shared as a married couple. He gloated over their fish dying. He broke and destroyed most of our belongings. He is a nobody and a small town coach a a community college. He coaches a women’s basketball team. He charms some people. Man, did he smear me. Everyone we both went to school with He has destroyed me. I have absolutely no one. It seems like I have lost my jobs and can’t get anything because of his smearing. I am trying. I am getting a low paying job for half the wages I should be getting and then hope to transfer out of town. The only thing is that my youngest is in school here for 2 more years. It’s mentally affecting me. The weird thing is I have never seen him, but he told his B-ball team that he has two crazy ex wives and a one has a crazy son. Me. I don’t. At all. He does. He claims one is stalking him! I had my car with a nail in it on Xmas eve at out new place 2 yrs ago. And I also had a newspaper put on my porch with 2 articles talking about DV couples and the men who killed their girlfriends. I am so happy I divorced this nut. Yes, I laugh at him. In court on the stand he got up and said that I was giving oral sex to my attorney but he said the crude term! Even doing the motions with his hand and mouth!!! Ha! Then he started going on about me and sex toys!!! Haha!! The judge, being a female shut him up quickly!!! He was out for blood. When asked why he waited so long to go to the hospital to report his abuse by me almost 2 weeks later/after the fact? He stated that he wanted to show the “progression of the bruising.” He is on Coumadin and anything can bruise him. By that time his bruises would have been yellow. Not fresh and huge purple, red, black… those are day 1/2 bruise. He didn’t do his homework very well. My attorney, and I spoke to a doctor. Small town and can’t get the jobs I’m qualified for. I am getting a stuck feeling and haven’t had a date in 3 years. I would rather date in LA or up north where he has no reach. His big mouth could make contact with anyone I date or whatever. His first ex wife’s dating experience was a nightmare. He chestbutted not only me many times but her new boyfriend! He shoves him and said “is this all you could get?” Who and what does this? Oh his cousin is a policeman and the TRO I filed was not in the system so I had to go do it again and call my attorney!! What does that say??
Hoping this makes sense because I’m in a hurry and only semi proofed.
Most grateful to you! Merry Christmas. I’m getting therapy now. I need it badly.
Oh Glori,
My heart goes out to you. What you have been through is just horrible.
Glori I’d really love you to experience what it feels like to start healing in Quantum ways, by releasing your trauma and getting a shift deep in your inner being.
You can do that with me here, and I know it could help you so much.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Sending strength, healing and breakthrough to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I have been smeared this year and work opposite to the company that used to own my company which I own now. I have had to get on with my life and one thing that has happened is that not only is my business doing better I am much more confident – Its because everyone has turned against me as the narcissist in my life owns the company opposite me. I dont care about what they think I only care about my business. These guys opposite used to be my daily colleagues and now they dont speak to me because of the smear campaigning from the narcissist. I have lost these guys friendship forever – I think they think I am a freak now! But what has happened is I have gained now friends who are getting a mopre authentic me – I have changed beyond recognition and you keep me strong and have guided me through Melanie – thank you.
Merry Christmas and see you in the New Year.
Hi Joy,
I love the orientation you are on.
It is truly inspirational!
Keep Thruving a Lovely Lady and merry Christmas to you and yours.
So looking forward to Thriving in 2019 with you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie
Please answer if u can to this message, because im writing in a moment of distress.
I made the mistake of going back with my narcissist. I gave that person another shot and for a whole year we retried a relationship. I dont know why I did that, but here I am again in complete PTSD having been properly messed over. And I have to again restart the healing proccess and somehow rebuild myself. I dont feel strong enough to take a firm decision to never go back with the person. Im scarred of my own self.
But that was so stupid of me! I dont know where to restart, the biggest pain is the disappointment that once again i actually didnt mean anything who mattered to me. Its horrible to lose a person. And the “no contact” feels like im trying to prove a point to the narc rather than just a mere silence.
Hi Anastasia,
My heart goes out to you … because it is so agonising trying to stay away … absolutely.
Anastasia my highest suggestion is to turn inwards and start the self healing process. When we do this we have started granting ourselves the love and devotion that our inner being is screaming for … and the addiction to the N starts dissolving away.
It truly is the way home – and up and out of the trauma.
The process starts here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Sending love, healing and strength to you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Mel, you are wonderful and SO reassuring!
Thank you so much for replying, we are so lucky you are there for us!
Merry Christmas! And LOTS of love to you. I might write here from time to time because the support you give is tremendous and I need to get it round my head – as you say- that its not about the narc, its about me turning inwards. At the moment i m feeling so much resentment and just a wish to hit back somehow. Like the narc launched a smear campaign against me and now my situation is such that im not allowed to visit some places that were most dear to me – the corporation is not allowing it anymore. And im so tempted to fight back and prove that i cam still go there, and not even say hello to the narcisssist… But i suspect its pointless, correct? What is it that im trying to do, how do you name it? Is this revenge i m seeking? Is this me being caught in power games?
And i should just ignore the whole situation and instead focus on myself, correct?
Hi Anastasia,
Absolutely detachment and inner healing is the answer.
Once you release the old inner programs of persecution, all attacks on the outside will melt away.
So within, so without.
When you start living this way, you will know the power in it.
Merry Christmas to you and your family Anastasia.
Mel 🎄🙏❤️
Thank you darling Mel 🙂
I hope its ok I’m writing to you at Christmas time (I feel bad interfering with my difficulties through these messages while it should be a jolly happy moment for all)
I’ve been in bed and watching video after video of you for two days straight. Its my only ressource and medicine right now. The two videos you did with Jeanine Staples are brilliant. And Tiggy s adorable of course.
Thank you for caring, I thank the sky I have a person to turn to in that moment whose heart goes out to me, who understands me and who responds (!). Right now it means the world to me. To be heard by at least one individual, and to whom i dont even need to explain anything.
Ok, so: persecution. So I feel bad because the narc has triggered in me my past persecution trauma/experience (to which I reacted before in a maladaptive manner im guessing) ?
And two more quick questions:
What do u focus on releasinf when you re triggered by somebody defending the narcissist?
Hi Anastasia,
The work you are describing is with NARP Modules, and where we help you with the use of the program is in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
Mel 🎄🙏💕
I have to buy the pack for that dont I? Im sorry I cant afford it at the moment at all, maybe you have special plan where i can get access to just the forum?
Anyhow Mel, may I just tell you over and over again how brilliant you are? I mean I know you hear it all the time, but the more I read about you and your work the more impressed I get in terms of all the research you’ve done and how far you’ve come in the personal development.
To be fully honest with you I’m Christian Orthodox, that is the very initial Christian church that existed from the disciples and christian traditions. And if you look into the Holy Fathers, ever, for your personal interest (since i read you study quite a lot in the field of personal traumas and stuff ), well its funny because basically the traumas are subconscious, but they are not called traumas they are called passions. Passion in the sense of extreme pain (not in the positive sense how its used nowadays). And they are indeed subconscious – they live in your heart. And yes the focus is also not on what the other person is or is not doing, but on acknowledging it is your own personal reaction, you need to figure out the trigger – eg I feel hurt because I got humiliated, and let go of it. Get at peace with it. Realise its you and understand your inner problems, getting a firm grip on the fact its not the other person and forgive the other person.
And I’ve realised most of this with you. Maybe we can find some middle ground to work on this together someday, through skype or something after I know your programme even in more depth. I just really appreciate your work. Im literally copying stuff you say in my diary.
Happiest of holidays to you, glad we can talk. By the way I already feel much better and I can thank you for it. You’ve made me realise a lot and developed my capacity of self growth and restauration enormously. I’m not sure I would have been able to let go of anything without you. And you’ve enhanced my personal beliefs about the fact its the inner work which counts, plus you’re stopping me from taking any kind of revenge. Once again, sorry I can’t buy your pack, but do feel the good vibrations I’m sending your way 🙂 I pray the Lord blesses you in many ways.
Hi Anastasia,
The NARP Forum where we designate effort to the coaching, as part of the NARP resource, happens only for NARP members who have the QFH healings in NARP to do the inner work at the level myself and many other community members do.
With a community of over 100k people, naturally I don’t have the time or resources to coach people on this public forum who haven’t committed at that level, it’s logistically impossible. One on one coaching / healing also takes place with me with personal clients.
I hope you had a beautiful Christmas too Anastasia and that’s wonderful that my resources are helping you.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Oh Mel I completely and absolutely understand! Its impressive enough you still manage to stay responsive to individuals like me here who are not yet your clients and finding time for us. Keep up the love you give out ! And Thanks for all your answers!
Hi Anastasia,
Thank you for understanding and many blessings to you!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
I’ve worked as a police officer and detective in the US for twenty years and can confirm your comment, thankfully, that investigation of domestic violence situations is improving. I know officers in my department recognize the aggressor is commonly the calm person on scene while the “hysterical” person may have been bullied into their position. It isn’t unusual to see a suspect point to wounds on his body to claim he was attacked by the other person, but deeper investigation shows the wounds are from someone defending herself when provoked or endangered. I don’t know that officers recognize the underlying dynamics of personality disorders, but are able to look at the bigger picture in situations.
I was married to a narcissist and divorced ten years ago. I recently came across your material after hearing you speak with Christiane Northrup. I haven’t spent much time thinking about my ex for many years, and this has brought a lot of old pain up. However, it has been an incredible relief to read a complete understanding of what I went through- it was nearly impossible to adequately explain to people around me how insane and messed up the relationship was. As part of a smear campaign, he had a pastor come into our home and counsel me to get psychiatric medications so I could respond to the marriage better! Some people simply think I was in a controlling relationship. But that doesn’t matter. The primary reason I am so thankful to have come across this is the information is helping me to see where I need healing. I have been so co-dependent and afraid of abandonment and other things since childhood. Other than a small amount of light dating, I have avoided relationships the last ten years. I don’t even have any close friendships anymore. I look forward to healing in my core and building honoring relationships/friendships in my future. Thank you so much for all your work.
Hi Mia,
Thank you for your comment confirming that awareness and strategies for DV are improving.
I am so pleased my material is providing relief and clarity and helping you see a way through to your healing.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
Melanie you are probably bored of my comments and compliments, but I’ve just watched the video of why we shouldnt take revenge and im thrilled by your talent.
Question: if i buy the silver pack a) can i send money through western union b) can i have access to the forum? Whatever I decide to do, maybe i ll even save up for private coaching, I really hope you and me get to work someday.
All my compliments for finding and putting through to us some important concepts.
Happy New Year! All the best to you and Tiggy 🙂 hugs and good luck
Hi Anastasia,
No not at all.
For all the technical and program questions please email [email protected] and one of my lovely staff will help you.
Thank you for you compliment and I am so pleased my work resonates with you.
I look forward to sharing much healing and Thriving with you in 2019. Happy New Year to you and yours too.
Mel 🙏💕❤️
This is what a typical ‘smear-campaign, triangulation conversation’ went with my ex N:
Ex N: I told someone about you and that person said you’re posionous!
Me: Who is this person?
Ex N: It doesn’t matter, but this person said you’re soooo poisonous!
Me: Well f### that person!!!!!
Ex N: Oh my word! are you swearing my deceased father out? My father is the one who said that, and he is deceased. You have no respect for the deceased. You will destroy every good person you meet because you are emotionally bankrupt!
Me: What???
😑the absolute horror that I went through! Thank you, Mel, for all you do! 💜
Oh gosh Thriving it is nuts!
Happy New Year and please know how welcome you are!
Mel 🙏💕❤️
hi mel. thank you for your inspiring newsletters im so glad im not on my own ive had alot of smearing from an ex who i divorced nearly 30 years ago!he his evil also other family members my life as been a living nightmare thank god i have a few good caring friends and i beleive my faith as kept me going as well pardon the pun but it as been a god send! i get comfort and peace when i prayer to god and mother mary happy new year to you – you sound a really lovely and caring lady may god always bless you sharon xxxx
One of the hardest things for me is how my children’s lives have been affected. He took my support system away. He admits it. He systematically beat me down and traumatized me over a long period of time, then would stay at our vacation home (acting like the poor victim who was left out of the family) and he would taunt and tease and create chaos with me from afar. So that when I would eventually explode, it would be at poor children. They were the only ones there. He did that so that I would look like the abuser. He actually wanted me to take it out on them. Then I look like the crazy person he has always told everyone. He manipulated so many things to make himself like the victim. I didn’t realize he was collecting these things throughout our long term marriage – to use against me if I left. He would let me know, one by one, each thing that he had manipulated and let me know it is what he used to turn people against me. That is how he got others to actually join in with abusing me psychologically. How do they not understand the damage they have done to their own children when they destroy their mother’s life? Do they not understand how painful it is for them by ruining their mother’s reputation? It is so true that everything he was actually doing, he made it look like I was doing. And I did come unglued when other people started participating. That was the hardest part to understand.
I try to keep my faith that God knows the truth and sooner or later people will figure it out. I appreciate the encouragement to stay calm and collected. I know that is the key.
One thing I find interesting in my case is that he convinced people I was trying to send him to prison (lie – all manipulated) and basically destroy his life. But who’s life is actually being destroyed? Mine.
Melanie, I realize as I read your article and all the comments and experiences from my fellow Narc victims that even though my husband is my Narc #1, that my daughter is one also. Several years ago she suddenly turned on me, smeared me against my entire family (I am one of 5) which caused me and my son to be ostracized by the entire family! This happened right after both of my parents died-within 3 months of each other. Had they been alive, she would never have gotten away with this. I have no idea what she said but my sisters and their children believe her. It has amazed me that they could since they know me! But as I read your article, it now seems plausible that someone can so convincingly smear someone and others believe them! It is crazy. I have been very hurt and feel so unlovable at times, but I have decided to let it be. There is no use in trying to defend myself as it would only make my daughter rise up and smear all the more. My son is devastated that the family has rejected him. He has a child now and wants his little boy to know his cousins.
Perhaps by letting go, the Narc will eventually be exposed. Time will tell.
I continue to listen to your words of wisdom and work on my inner self. As you said, I should bless my Narc for bringing me to myself as I have no one else in my family to go to for support.
Blessings, Beth
Hes ruined me. I have no support, no income, no opportunities. I’m injured from being in his employ and am now unable to perform duties required of any job I apply for. I am a renter with 3 rescued dogs. I am going to be unable to stay afloat with rent, utilities, dogfood and pet expenses. I planted a garden thinking I could can and freeze what I grew to save some money on groceries over the winter being as I’m a vegetarian. Someone sprayed weed killer on my garden. Someone slashed the tires of my only vehicle punctured thru the sidewalls so the tires had to be replaced. Nothing i do to try and peacefully offset the damage he caused has amounted to anything. I have no family. I only have myself to fall back on if hard times come. All I wanted out of life was a home where I could have pets and a garden. I don’t want to face what seems inevitable. I will get behind in rent and be evicted. My animals will go to the shelter. I’ll lose everything I own because I can’t move it alone and even if I could I’d have nowhere to store it. I’ll have no where to sleep, no job,nowhere for my love to go, no way out of my loneliness, no future.
How can anyone be so cruel?
Pray for strength….. It’s amazing what God can do for you if you seek him daily. Bring every question, every fear, worry and anxiety you’re feeling to Him and you will start to see changes in your life. He helped me tremendously along with researching everything there is to know about narcissism and other various self improvement outlets. It’s how I ended up here reading Melanie Tonia Evans story.