Smear campaigns are some of the most horrible things that narcissists do.
The extent of the means, methods and lengths that narcissists will go to, to lie about and turn people against you is chilling.
I know that it’s very likely that you – like me – know how devastating it is to have the people who used to support you to turn against you.
And the more you try to expose the truth, the more people don’t believe you.
When this happened to me … having family, friends and colleagues and even my son side with the narcissist, I was so traumatised I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.
But I did …
And that’ is what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about – how I was able to finally beat the narcissist’s smear campaign and emerge not only exonerated but renewed and forever freed from the fear of being smeared again.
If you have been smeared and taken down and apart by a narcissist’s lies, then the truths in this video will be invaluable for you too.
One thing you need to know about narcissists is that they smear you virtually in every case.
Why? Because it is unthinkable to the narcissist to take responsibility for their poor behaviour, self-reflect and do something about it.
The False Self is beyond reproach; therefore, it must be someone else’s fault, and if you have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, according to them, it’s yours.
Why Narcissist’s use Smear Campaigns
How a narcissist appears to other people is ‘everything’. When there is no True Self available to know self and feel whole within the self, all supply is required from others. Therefore, it is unthinkable to the narcissist to be exposed for being pathological, defective and ‘wrong’. If people were to disown the narcissist and turn away in droves, this means the narcissist can no longer extract narcissistic supply (attention and acclaim) or ‘stuff’ from these people.
In a black and white world of ‘dog eat dog’ which the narcissist’s ego is firmly entrenched in, this means that for he or she to be ‘right’, someone else must be ‘wrong’. The narcissist also believes that the best defense to their potential exposure is to crucify you publicly first.
This happened to me with narcissist number 1 horrifically, as I know it has happened to so many of you.
My Smearing Experience
This is what today’s Thriver TV Episode is all about … my personal story of how I got caught up so terribly in the smearing, how I fed it and got even more lined up and then how eventually I found the exact keys to break free from him smearing and reverse its effects.
The problems in my narcissistic marriage were numerous, with the most obvious being his intense jealousy and possessiveness. According to the ex-narcissist, I was constantly on the lookout for an affair, probably having one and was never to be trusted.
Those of you who have also experienced this, know how devastating it is to have ‘eyes for one person’ and nothing you can do will ever make them feel secure. His extreme jealousy and control were pathological, malicious and dangerous and it was breaking me. Yet so many people never saw the insane and violent outbursts behind closed doors. To them, he was charming, intelligent and lovely.
What people also saw was my steady disintegration, I was losing my mind, and it showed. One night I overheard him on the phone talking to a family member about my irrational behaviour and how I had terrible psychological issues. I also found out that he told one of his workmates that I was ridiculously possessive and controlling of him.
When I would confront him, he told me I had heard things wrongly, that’s not what he said at all, which of course made me feel like I was losing my mind even more. At this point of the game, I had no idea that people can make up stories about other people in such convincing ways.
And little did I know that, because he was a narcissist, he believed his own lies! As the marriage fell apart more and I was trying to get away from his emotional, mental and physical violence, I started to realise that he was dismantling my support structures.
My parents were seriously questioning my fidelity, and even my son started to side with the narcissist. Friends, including a previous best friend, colleagues and even my accountant, who had been a lifelong family friend were all deserting me and siding with the narcissist.
Why Narcissists Are So Believable
And this is the thing, narcissists have no conscience and boundaries. They are capable of saying literally ‘anything’ to people to get them on-side. This is what normal adults think when hearing the narcissists lies, ‘Someone who looks me in the eye and tells me this terrible information, wouldn’t make up something like this. It must be true!” And narcissists are so convincing when they do it, they know how to manipulate people and have them eating of their hands (which the ex-narcissist used to tell me how skilled he was at doing). And he was, like many narcissists.
Narcissists, unlike triggered victims, who don’t get people’s belief and support, know how to be calm, cool and collected and present a story that ‘seems’ balanced and ‘non-judgemental’. It would go something like this, “I am so worried about my wife. She is manically depressed and angry, and I’m trying to help her and suggest she gets help. Last week I discovered information on her computer about an affair she has been having. I’ve confronted her about it, and she went crazy and attacked me. I’m trying to work through this with her and I don’t know what to do.” (With of course the appropriate accompanying look of concern, care and helplessness.)
Of course, people believe this! Even people who have known you for a long time. They see how depressed, angry and fragmented you are whilst the narcissist appears cool, calm and concerned.
I love what a dear friend of mine, who works in Domestic Violence told me recently, that police are starting to be educated regarding sociopaths when they are on domestic callouts. A partner, who alleges that his partner has lost her plot and started acting crazy is NOT going to be cool, calm and collected. He will be beside himself… truly.
Yet, when smeared by a narcissist what happens is the calm person is believed and the person hugely triggered by injustice and trauma and not being believed by people, comes across crazier and crazier and has people turn away and against them.
Why Fighting Back Didn’t Work
That’s what happened to me, the sicker I got, the more I was smeared, and the more I was smeared, the more I lost the plot trying to prove my innocence to people who were siding with the narcissist. My entire life and support structures were all crumbling around me including certain people who I thought would never desert me. They did.
I hadn’t realised Quantum Law at this stage, the energetic truth of so within, so without.
Rather, I was enmeshed heavily in the deep, terrible trauma of the terror of what people thought of me. The injustice of lies, the narcissist’s lack of accountability, the unfairness of it all and the horrific lack of support from my people.
If we were to rate the level of my trauma about these things, it was intense. Much more like 100/10 rather than just a 10 on the scale.
How could Life be so unfair and cruel after what I had suffered? As a victim, I didn’t realise that Life was always only poised to grant me more of my Beingness, which I had firmly made about ‘what was goes on outside of me’. In ‘reaction’ to that, my Beingness was emotionally vibrating very loudly with trauma, injustice and victimhood.
Life/Source/God then granted me more of that as it always does. That’s how much it loves and responds to us, unconditionally without any judgement at all.
How I Defeated The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign
I believe I was truly blessed by the narcissist’s smear campaigns, for this following reason: I lost everything and everyone, and there was only one place left to turn, inwards to myself.
Before this time in my life, I had always been positioned in life as a co-dependent. My feelings and states relied on what other people and situations were doing in my life, because I hadn’t yet discovered how to create my own feelings, states and realities despite what other people are or aren’t doing.
When I did turn inside to heal, because there was nothing and no one left on the outside and nowhere else to turn, a miraculous thing happened. In my epiphany on my bathroom floor, I realised that all of this ‘stuff’ hadn’t been happening ‘to’ me it had been happening ‘for’ me.
The narcissist being a catalyst, a soul contract in my life to bring forth the painful and vital evidence regarding how I had not been whole within myself.
When I started healing the terrible traumas (100/10 in intensity) regarding smearing with Inner Identity Quantum Tools (Quanta Freedom Healing) what I discovered was what gets triggered off with most of us when smeared – ancient, past life, epigenetic and very young survival programs about the terror of ‘being wrong’.
Shocking fears of being persecuted, punished, cast out and even executed for being judged as ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ or ‘defective’. Literal terrorising survival programs that were so powerfully activated within me, that it felt like if I didn’t change other people’s ideas about me that I would surely die.
And I realised how these deep primal terrors had limited me so much from expanding and going for my life. They had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and they had never allowed me to be fully myself.
When I healed these fears deep inside me, what I discovered is that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life if they didn’t like me. I started to feel whole, alive and safe even though there were so many of my support structures, contacts and connections that were probably gone forever.
It didn’t matter now, because I had firmly come back home to myself.
I discovered, going forward that I was able to start speaking up, confronting things, being myself and there was no longer the angst around people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. I realised how much this had haunted me my entire life.
And, here is the BIG thing, if it hadn’t been for the narcissist bringing me to my knees regarding my terrors of what people thought about me thus bringing up my persecution programs, I would never have healed this which already existed within me.
This is the miracle that happened after this – people started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.
The justice I wanted came, not because of anything I did, but because of my Beingness! So within, so without. When I validated and came home to knowing, believing and loving and accepting myself despite all outer conditions and regardless of what people thought about me, the outer conditions had to shift to match this! It’s Quantum indisputable Law.
The Quantum Way to Expose A Narcissist
I hope my personal story inspires you to know that Life can only grant you more of your Beingness. No amount of doingness from a shattered Beingness will grant you the shift you want. There is only one place to tend to regarding narcissistic smearing, inside you. To heal everything that is being triggered and terrorised by the behaviour.
Then you will discover what I did, that when you no longer require anyone else to believe you, support you or know who you are because you have shored all of that up within yourself, that is precisely when they do.
We never get what is missing, we only ever get more of Who We Are.
Additionally, you also get to evolve beyond a previous limiting belief and inner program that was stunting you in your life, in more ways that you can imagine.
Narcissists are a mega push towards our evolution, they force us to do it, and smearing is one of the ways they do.
If something inside you knows what I am saying is the way home and out of this, then let me show you the Quantum Way to heal from narcissistic abuse, the way that works. This is the way that so many people report every day on my numerous channels and in gratitude emails to our support team, and I know once you get started you can be on your way to relief, power and breakthrough too.
To get this started you can sign up to my free 16-day Course which has so many other free empowering resources for you as well.
It could save their life emotionally and literally.
And I look forward to conjoining with you to have a conversation about your smearing experiences and any questions you may have.
Latest posts by Melanie Tonia Evans (see all)
- Narcissists And Sex - January 17, 2019
- 2019 Is Your Year To Thrive - January 11, 2019
- The Best Way To Stop Feeding The Narcissist Energy At Christmas - December 24, 2018