Melanie Tonia Evans

How The Phenomenon Of Narcissistic Abuse Occurs And How You Can Overcome It Part 2

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 1
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Hello!

I hope you enjoyed Part One of “How the Phenomenon of Narcissistic Abuse Occurs and How You Can Overcome It”. If you haven’t seen it yet please do so before watching this video.

I am really excited about Part Two, because it will grant you an even deeper understanding of narcissistic abuse, and how it has affected you.

After watching Part Two you will learn the following –

  • How your emotional mood can have significant impact on what you experience in your outer world. This gives you awareness to set up mastery over your emotions in order to improve your life in powerful ways.
  • How when you accept a belief as real, it affects how your life plays out. This will help you realise that in order to live a better life, you need to change your inner beliefs first.
  • How you can use your most powerful tool – the unconscious mind  –  to release the negative beliefs you accepted when you were narcissistically abused.

 

 

Introduction to Part Two

While going through the depths of narcissistic abuse you feel lost, broken, powerless, anxious and incredibly depressed. It feels like you don’t have the confidence, energy or will to feel better, or to make anything positive in your life happen.

When I was suffering from narcissistic abuse (before I found the answers) a typical day would begin like this. I would wake up with extreme anxiety and dread. The thought of facing the day, trying to relate to people and go through even the most mundane and ‘normal’ tasks felt like someone was asking me to climb Mount Everest.

Before I discovered how to heal myself, I had no idea how I was going to get through anything, let alone re-build my shattered life.

We know that narcissistic abuse causes a tremendous negative impact on our emotional wellbeing.

We can’t feel confidence, positivity or joy.  Every situation is fraught with feelings of being overwhelmed, the fear that we won’t be able to function, the fear that we could get it wrong, and the fear that our life is going to get even more overwhelming and difficult to cope with.

We find it extremely difficult to trust other people, everything about life, and most of all we feel so crippled we don’t know how to trust ourself.

When the slightest thing goes wrong we can easily spiral into feelings of pain and complete helplessness.

It is no coincidence that when you are riddled with feelings of dread and fearing the next horrible thing happening to you, that it impacts your entire life and as a result you continually experience recurring painful results.

Not only that, your dreams of having a happy life with a loving partner, and creating a glorious future have been crushed.

You no longer believe you will achieve any of this. And whilst you are suffering horrific agony, your inner identify believes things won’t get any better.

This is because narcissistic abuse affects us at our deepest level. We accept and absorb the pain and the abuse as core inner beliefs.

After suffering narcissistic abuse, the beliefs of yourself and how you thought your life was going to play out have been altered significantly and horrifically damaged.

 

What Did You Think of Part Two?

I felt really inspired when I created this video because I know it can really help you to understand how to get to the real issues in order to heal them.

Did you understand this message? Is it clear for you? Are you now understanding why your life has felt so shattered, and are you realising the deeper level that you need to address in order to heal?

Once again if you could go to Youtube, ‘Like’ the video and or leave a comment I would be eternally grateful.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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61 Thoughts on How The Phenomenon Of Narcissistic Abuse Occurs And How You Can Overcome It Part 2
  • thrakctured@aol.com'
    Mark Hackett
    August 17, 2012

    another very informative video Melanie! Thank you for explaining the inner self. I look forward to part 3!

    Mark

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Mark,

      I’m glad you liked the 2nd video and you are very, very welcome.

      Mel xo

  • mareeadavies@bigpond.com'
    Maree Davies
    August 17, 2012

    I love to receive your e-mails and read them every time thanks so much

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Maree,

      I am so glad my information is helping you, and you are very welcome.

      Thank you so much for being a devoted subscriber 🙂

      Mel xo

  • snook400@gmail.com'
    cynthia snook
    August 17, 2012

    if i had not of found you and your articles then i would not have known any of this info because no one would tell me. You really need to appear on the today show on nbc .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Cynthia,

      I am so glad you have been able to find out what has happened to you, and I so hope my information leads you to your healing.

      I would love to appear on the today show one day! 🙂

      Thank you for your lovely compliment…

      Mel xo

  • keenmc@bresnan.net'
    Keenan
    August 17, 2012

    I am starting to get it finally. So ready for my brain to move on, though I can’t imagine how. Look forward to next week. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Keenan,

      I am so glad it is all becoming clear.

      Yes your head will get it, because when you really do ‘get it’ I promise you your soul will lead the way…and that’s where your true power is…

      Mel xo

  • angelanlv@gmail.com'
    angela
    August 17, 2012

    Thank you so much for bringing light to not only the damage of NARC abuse but also recovering from it. Anybody who has survived this knows the horrors of feeling hopeless and when we lose hope life becomes frightening. I do not want to live by “barely ” making it because I have so many dreams and purposes I wish to fulfill. Your videos are awesome tools for survival and healing …and eventually living an awesome..happy.. purpose filled life….thank you so much for your work…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Angela,

      you are very welcome!

      That is so beautiful that you have dreams and a purpose to fulfil, and that you know it.

      When you clear the ‘gunk’ you totally will be free to flow into these dreams.

      Absolutely…

      Mel xo

  • kristineburgess99@gmail.com'
    Kristine
    August 17, 2012

    This makes a lot of sense. I also feel incapable of a loving relationship due to my childhood and my 22 year abusive relationship. In fact, I am almost resigned to give up and be single for the rest of my life because I don’t see the point. Oddly, I don’t feel like a total failure in all aspects of life. I am looking for work, and I feel enough confidence to get a good job. Relationships, though, forget it.

    What you say about the peptide addiction and the unconscious mind are consistent with other things I’ve read, but you bring them together in a way I hadn’t seen before. Thank you. I can’t wait for #3!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Kristine,

      I am so glad the video makes a lot of sense.

      Don’t give up! No matter where you have come from, and what you have experienced, once you release the trauma and re-align back to your True Self you become ‘what you want’..

      I so know this to be true…and you will too..

      Mel xo

  • lclola822@gmail.com'
    Izzy
    August 17, 2012

    Fantastic!!!! It all makes so much sense…I will keep throwing it out to the ‘Universe’, that I am deserving of healthy love and that I am a good person!!!!! yeahhhhh…thanks Melanie, looking forward to number 3…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Izzy,

      I am so glad it makes sense!

      Oh yes, you are on the right track!

      Keep it up 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    August 17, 2012

    Well done again Mel, it goes well with video #1 and good to keep them separate to be able to absorb the info more easily. It is approaching 9 months of being away from my ex but at times I still have problems with my addiction to similar trauma like a comment someone may make or someone close to me who gets my heart racing (first reaction in my body, as it was when with my ex), so then I am left ‘explaining myself’ constantly or ‘defending myself’. I still have trouble with why people continue to talk over me, patronise, or not allowing me to have an opinion. I accept others opinion, never argue a point and listen to people. There is so much ‘peptide addiction’ damage inside me and have listened to 2 QF sessions, but for me I am aware it will take a lot of sessions to clear it all from my cells. As I am very capable, independent, a good listener, helpful I get confused why people treat me like I am not. I have a high IQ and was extremly bullied and abused at school because of my developed intellgence and aptitude in many areas-teachers were hard on me, with high expectations of me, which caused regression in my learning until I left school. My standard of myself is high to very high now and I have to learn to let myself make mistakes and be human. This video will help me hopefully and look forward to video #3. I would like to do a QF with you Mel as I thing the shifts I am trying to do on myself are too difficult. Love and ((((hug)))) to you ☺❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Jac,

      thank you, and I am glad you enjoyed the video!

      Once you have healed the trigger points (and their origins) then by association you won’t get triggered…and yes when we have had significant trauma it can take some digging and work to transform – but of course it is so worth it!

      What you are experiencing (as a pattern) in the outside word is always connected to an inner belief system that requires healing and realigning.

      It sounds to me like persecution programs, and wow – boy can these have ancient origins in our DNA, (they used to be huge for me – so I totally do relate). Q F Healing absolutely can find and release these…

      Yes and ‘perfection’ programs are usually connected to ancient DNA memory of crisis consciousness or punishment ‘if I get it wrong the consequences are horrific’.

      Once these are released and transformed truly you won’t know yourself!(Speaking from experience on these ones too!)

      I’d love to help you personally with relatively straightforward to transform..:)

      Mel xo

  • jacsplat@msn.com'
    Jac
    August 17, 2012

    Just to add; even though I am very positive, have a good attitude, laugh a lot, enjoy my passion for painting and love life and especially the new days little delights like watching nature and so forth-I find that if someone is in a ‘negative mood’ then it does effect how one feels, causing me to feel like my boat has just sprung a leek. How my day went when living with my ex was either great or glum depending on his mood. It is very hard to feel up and positively energised when at the flick of a switch the mood of the other person can contribute to our day being ordinary. Narcs have a way of creating a very dark atmosphere very quickly after worshipping you a few minutes earlier. Maybe that is part of my addiction of knowing in the back of my mind a switch in mood can happen at any moment, my body expecting it in a way unconsciously. Hope that makes sense? I do know that once we are healed the mood of the other person would have no effect on our cells-is this correct Mel?
    Ok, enough of me now-☺x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Yes Jac what you are describing is more crisis consciousness programs – that also often come from very ancient DNA memory.

      ‘My security, survival and well-being depends on what the people around me are or aren’t doing’…once these old programs are updated then you will not feel this intense sensitivity and ‘walking on broken glass’ as per other’s moods.

      Once transformed you will be free to observe and honour your choices and hold your space without the emotional charge.

      You truly do have such an incredible life to look forward to when you are free of this ‘stuff’….Yay!

      Mel xo

      • jacsplat@msn.com'
        Jac
        August 17, 2012

        Can’t wait to shift the lot! 🙂 These inner programmes only started showing themselves ‘physically’ after my last relationship, so it truly is ‘the gift’of bringing them to the surface and then healing them. I am getting better at not letting other’s moods effect me. Being punished and rewarded, one after the other is horrible and very much an abusers way of confusing us. I would be squashed like an ant, not quite dead, then a gift would arrive, then more punishment. I remember my father when I was 2 years old, punishing me for crying, then he would reward me, only to abuse again if I made a sound. Out with the old, in with the new me! QF session tonight as it has been a tough day. xo Thanks for your valuable time and giving us such a big part of yourself Mel. 🙂

  • aloneill@ymail.com'
    Al O'Neill
    August 17, 2012

    Hey Mel

    Having just watched Video 2, once again absolutely pure genius and straight to the core of what recovering narc victims,such as me, require to keep going and keep recovering. If I may say, SUPERB reassurance and guidance for the road to enlightment and recovery ahead…where OUR VERY OWN BRIGHT LIGHT WAITS for us SO SO PATIENTLY for us to find.
    As a result and purley as a result of youre astounding knowledge and insight I am progressing on the path to healing the SELF.

    With such utter HEARTFELT THANKS to YOU Mel.

    Go with GRACE…..Silly me…YOURE already there and SHARING IT.

    LOVE TO YOU MEL

    Al

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Al, I second that ☺! I was so lost to find a way out of my guilded cage and ever recover. Thankfully I too found Melanie, who understands where no one else did. Living was the only way for me, the alternative was not an option. Freedom is not far away, once we start to heal in the right way. X

      • aloneill@ymail.com'
        Al O'Neill
        August 17, 2012

        Hey Jac

        What works fo me personally:

        Melanie and only Melanie and no one else from any field of so “called expertize” can help me and no prescription drugs can help.
        A realisation I made relatively recently
        which was not easy at first to absorb but I will SWEAR by it now.
        I was on anti psychotic drugs for a year!!
        As well as reading and listening to Mel’s info. on a very constant basis and printing out the list of instructions to follow exactly as she recommends and pinning them to my kitchen cabinets. Of couse the biggest one of all, printed in landscape orientation ( to get the largest lettering ) is “NO CONTACT” in fact I hve two of these up.
        I then have the others in the kitchen posted on the wall within reading distance to where I normally sit in the kitchen.
        I have added an extra verse of my own to them, the most important for me personaly being ” STOP DOUBTING YOURE RESOLVE” together with Mel’s SUPERB verses of healing.
        I attempted suicide before while I was under the influence of the Evil narc and looking back now, I can remember the look in his eye, as if saying gleefully to himself that his Evil,Sadistic goals were going well!!!!
        But thanks to Mel and nobody else, I too am emrging from his evil stranglehold over my mind,body, spirit and emotions.
        I am certain that you will win and be FREE.
        It wasn’t easy for me, in fact I thought I never could and like a bolt out of the blue, one day I discovered Mel and have not looked back since.

        It is youre right as a Human being to be respected and to be in control of youre own thoughts and emotions…NO ONE should be allowed to invade them for their own twisted gain.

        The Healing for me continues and I welcome it with open hands…Thank you Mel

        Al

        • jacsplat@msn.com'
          Jac
          August 17, 2012

          Thank yourself too Al, as finding Melanie, is in ‘addition’ to you wanting to heal. Melanie’s influence and sound experience has guided you to find your soul. Without your own inner strength and self respect, knowing your worth, you would not be able to heal, regardless of Melanie being there for us. I am so greatful to her, with my whole heart, but I am choosing to do the work to be able to heal. I love your idea of putting up signs to be there everywhere to reinforce the ‘no contact’ and other words that help. I myself am a big believer in feeding our mind and soul with nourishing ways, repetitively to get the stains of the ink completely out of us. One of my favourite sayings is “With every adversity, heartache, and battles in life, always comes with them the seed to a greater equivalent” or ‘the gift’ of finally finding the answer to empowerment and true self. Anything is possible, but it is up to us, no one else. Our guide can help us through, but we are the ones who save us in the end. No one has permission to decide our fate. So true. xJac

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 17, 2012

      Hi Al,

      I am so glad video 2 resonated with you, and it is so wonderful that you truly do want to claim your light…

      And you will, there is no doubt about that!

      You are very welcome Al!

      Mel xo

  • pollydoge@yahoo.de'
    Jane
    August 18, 2012

    Another great video!
    Can`t wait for Nr. 3.
    Keep up the good work and take care of you.
    xo
    Jane

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 18, 2012

      Hi Jane,

      Thank you for you lovely comments!

      Glad you are enjoying the series..:)

      Mel xo

  • gc1990@hushmail.com'
    Kacie
    August 18, 2012

    I am suffering today. He knows I have a very low self esteem about my body (though I am a size 4-6 and logically I know I look alright but still…I, like most women, always find fault with my looks. Last night, he got angry and verbally attacked my physical appearance…telling me I should only be in dive bars and not go to certain parts of ttown where attractive people go, and detailed hateful things that I can’t even post. I beleve last night’s attack has ben the most painful so far because he preyedon my weakest points….my body image. I am trying so hard to hate him and I can’t — I am so hurt, so sad…and I just want to be free. Sorry for unloading….the point is…your newsletters and your videos are giving me that one little light and I hope it’s enough forme to find my way out of this living hell. The only one holding me here…is me.

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      August 18, 2012

      Hi Kacey, you are not alone and all I can suggest is; Trying hard to hate him is only going to leave you powerless. It is important to love ourselves, putting all our energy into healing us, liking us and less into negative energy. The more we hang onto hate and feel anger, resentment etc. the more negative we become, attracting more of the same. I’m not an expert, like Mel is but it has been 9 months free of a narc and when I did some ‘shifts’ I started to learn how to let go and forgive. It is obviously early days yet but-‘the more we hate, the more we become like them’. Just my opinion on how it felt for me. I now realise he have me the ‘gift’ of freedom to heal and get to know me. You will come out of this better than when you entered in. Follow Mel’s advice to the very letter. ((hug)) X☺

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      August 18, 2012

      Whoops! Spelt your name wrong Kacie ☺sorry.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 18, 2012

      Hi Kacie,

      what Jac has said is fabulous – and it is so true. It is early for you – but this is about making it about your healing so that you no longer allow yourself to be abused like this..

      Truly we all deserve better, and when you heal ‘that part of you’ that is hooked into trying to make an abuser responsible for your wellbeing, then you will be free – and will no longer have to attract and live this pattern (in order to heal)…

      Yes you do understand the only one holding you here is you – and when you understand ‘why’ and heal that you will let go.

      Mel xo

  • kduncan71@ymail.com'
    Kitty
    August 18, 2012

    Videos I and II are very well done. Looking forward to III. I now know enough about narcissism to understand why husband sneaks off during the day to see lover right after he has lunch with me and has no qualms whatsoever.

    Knowledge is power. Looking forward to learning how to turn this around and become positive once again. Learning how to get out of this marriage – he says he isn’t going anywhere, even tho I offer divorce so I have to be the one to leave.

    Sad. Glad. Sad about the years I was trying so hard to make him like me and glad to learn the truth. Truth will set you free.

    Thank you Melanie.

    • aloneill@ymail.com'
      Al O'Neill
      August 19, 2012

      Hey Kitty

      YOU DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED…that’s HOW IT SHOULD BE, PLEASE DO NOT STOP NOW, Please wait patiently for YOU to ARRIVE from the the awfull fucking car crash ..YOU ARE THE THE ONE SURVIVOR WALKING AWAY FROM THE WRECKAGE…GO YOU WITH LOVE ..Al

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    August 18, 2012

    Hi Kitty,

    I am so pleased the first two videos are resonating with you.

    It is great that you want to heal and break free, and align with your truth and happiness.

    And you will….

    I know video 3 will grant you solutions…

    Mel xo

  • plchancellor@yahoo.com'
    Peggy
    August 19, 2012

    Mel,

    Thank you for video II. It was a great follow-up to understanding peptide addiction. I have watched II twice and plan to watch it over several more times before video III.

    When I read about how some people never recover from their N relationships or even committ suicide, I feel so thankful that I found you and for the progress that I have made as a result. I still have days where I feel the intense need of my cells to take me back there and I do go back part way but never back to despair or hopelessness. I now have much more control over my thinking, but if I awake in the middle of the night, I find myself there and that’s when it’s hardest.
    He is waiting silently (as always not expressing any feelings as he is covert)and patiently for me to repeat behavior and ask him to come back because I asked HIM to leave which always sets him up to look like some kind of victim and makes me feel even crazier. In the past, I would live in the confusion of what was true or not true what was him what was me as long as I could stand it and then separate from him, but I would always go back because living with him seemed preferable to the torment I felt from not understanding what had happened mainly because he does not communicate at all. But then I found your website and discovered what he is and what role I played in the relationship and that I can get out once and for all.

    Im so sorry for others who will go through the rest of their lives not knowing what they are experiencing and that they could recover from the torment of replaying scenarios over and over with no closure. I am anxiously awaiting video III.
    Thanks again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2012

      Hi Peggy,

      I am glad video two resonated with you…Yes it is a journey not to go back into peptide addiction and keep battering our inner identity and definitely video three will grant you some powerful solutions to break the cycle.

      I agree that it is really tough for people who don’t access ‘what is going on’.

      But I do know this, that all of us can get the message or the answer when we really want it enough – because our soul is definitely on a path of healing. It’s just are we going to act on it?

      No-one gets narc abused who is not wanting at a deep level to evolve and heal. That I do believe….

      Mel xo

  • liferockz.mymail@gmail.com'
    a_lonely_angel
    August 21, 2012

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you so much for your video and all your efforts for getting people acquainted with this “epidemic”, its symptoms and cure.

    I have one confusion. I was hoping that you could help me out with it. The guy I am with has been a serial liar. He used to flirt with girls on the net, giving them his false names and pics, for hours and never stopped even when I asked him to. I threatened him that I would commit suicide if he does it again. But he did not listen and went ahead and did it again. He would somehow always put the blame back on me. If he ever promised to stop it he never followed through with it. I always discovered him having had contacts with girls again. Now he has promised again that he has stopped. But I am not sure. Also he said that it was kind of addiction that he found very hard to overcome and is trying now with real sincerity to overcome it. All this has made me lose my trust and respect for him. And I broke down almost everyday crying on the phone with him. Whenever I did he got irritated and shouted at me and asked me to stop reminding him of his mistakes. Somehow putting the blame back on me for asking him of reassurance that he is not doing it again. How do I trust him? And is he a Narcissistic person?
    Waiting eagerly for your reply.
    Many many thanks.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2012

      Hi ALA,

      you are very welcome!

      Yes I am happy to offer my suggestions. And I will be straight with you. You ALA are responsible for your wellbeing (as we all are). This is about you stating and ‘being’ your truth, and creating this ‘truth’ for yourself.

      You see we don’t have any power to control or change another person, we only have the power to control or change ourself.

      If he is a serial flirter and this upsets you (as it clearly would) then this is not the reality you want to live your life by.

      Trying to threaten him or force him to change is not your answer. And yes he does have a point. You are trying to change his behaviour in order to make you happy – which you actually have no power to do (and quite frankly no right). His life is his life, and if his values and behaviours are not suitable, then truly it is up to you to let go, allow him to be who he chooses to be, and align yourself with the truth of creating a love relationship with someone who is not a flirt.

      As always we need to heal ourselves. And the question is ‘what are you unhealed parts that are attracting him and keeping him in your life whilst trying to make him different in order to heal your wounds?’

      ALA your wounds are your responsibility, they are not his responsibility to fix, because he is NOT you…..He is simply showing you your wounds so that you can heal them.

      When you heal these and stand firm in the love that you do want to live, and don’t tolerate what isn’t your truth, then he will either feel safe to you by stepping up, or you will create a different love relationship more to your liking.

      Have you also considered that you may be ‘seeing’ him flirting as a trigger on your wounds of not feeling secure, worthy or lovable enough – whereas he may be ‘innocent’ yet appears guilty? (as a possibility)

      Truly ALA, what is it that hurts with him that is familiar, what is like your childhood, what was it about the way you were parented that makes you feel insecure, abandoned or not worthy?
      This is the focus you need to explore, understand and work on…

      I hope this helps, which is what I would like to grant you more than anything – the real way to investigate and heal…

      Mel xo

  • k.juggins28@yahoo.co.uk'
    kellym
    August 22, 2012

    Hello, another interesting video, thank you.

    I have spent many years on my self- i am fully aware that a lot of my ‘life script’ is due to my belief system- which because of my childhood is unhealthy. I am also aware- cognitively i think differently- my mind being able to access negative much easier than positives.
    So this makes sense to me an i fully agree- however- it is incredibly difficult- my book will be called- ‘its a battle being me’ and that title explains very much to how i function daily and continuously have to work hard on ‘trying not to self sabotage/ criticise self- it is just exhausting at times.
    So i believe meeting the narc is a bi product of my past- ultimately i am to blame tho!
    Even though this is difficult to overcome or work with i do it daily- i look forward to the next video- this is confirming a lot for me so thanks again for all your help and support x x x x

  • liferockz.mymail@gmail.com'
    a_lonely_angel
    August 22, 2012

    Melanie,

    Thank you so much your help. You have pointed me to the direction that holds an answer to my healing, providing a new light in which the incident can be seen. I’ll work on it and your blogs are of so much help for that too.
    Thank you and much love 🙂
    xoxo

  • trinar30@hotmail.com'
    Trina
    August 23, 2012

    Well Mel,
    He’s leaving as we speak & I feel utterly lost. Yesterday was my birthday & that was the day he decides to up & leave, I guess just another way to jab the knife in my heart. Anyway just thought I’d let you know.
    Thanks again for all your time & effort you put forth for all of us out here suffering
    Much love & appreciation
    Trina xo

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      August 23, 2012

      Happy Birthday Trina for yesterday 🙂
      It is a ‘birthday gift’ in itself though and you have been given the best gift possible…’freedom’ to find you again as I know this to be true. I was showered with gifts all the time and the best one was the gift he gave me, letting me go. It is true you will come out of this hell, better than when you went in. Initially it feels horrible, sadness, anxiety and you feel totally ‘abandoned’ but one of my favourite sayings is ‘this too will pass’…we are all here to help. X

      • jacsplat@msn.com'
        Jac
        August 24, 2012

        Thanks for your comments Dawn, I understand how soul shattering it is to be ‘hooked’ in with these people (a very scary place to be) and the fact we have ‘chosen’ Melanie to be our guide, will enable all of us to heal, following the steps she has worked hard to put together, we will come back to ourselves. This has been happening my entire life and my mother went through it too, 3 times! but didn’t have the resources to heal. I am a genuine person and thanks for your thoughtful reply. Hope it is all going well for you? Jac x

  • joseroseg@xtra.co.nz'
    josephine
    August 24, 2012

    keep it coming iam trying to understand love j

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2012

      Hi Josephine,

      yes that is truly our mission – and I so hope that my videos help!

      Mel xo

  • dmbgregory@gmail.com'
    Denise Gregory
    August 26, 2012

    Amazing video again! The book changed my life! I had a mother, father and sister that had NPD. I was the scapegoat. Just realized all of this when I was 40. The journey started after my Mom passed away 3 years ago from Cancer.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2012

      Hi Denise,

      I am glad that video 2 resonated with you.

      It is so true that life-changing events can really create the catalyst to discover the truth, and I am so pleased that you are now on the ‘journey to self’.

      I hope you enjoy video 3!

      Mel xo

      • 501vtaweoy@gmail.com'
        annuitätendarlehen berechnung beispiel
        October 13, 2016

        TO:Jacqlyn Smith // August 19, 2009 at 6:08 pm This was at Fox Nation from Sarah Palin….we need her running our country!!!===================That whole Palin Story was great BUT do you now what I loved?Mr. Obama, Mr. Obama, Mr. Obama….. NEVER “president”

      • 2xxg0qwn@outlook.com'
        billig kredit bank eigentumswohnung
        February 9, 2017

        September 24, 2012 at 10:16 pmA production wire drawing machine processes wire through 15 succesive dies, each producing a 20% area reduction in the wire. The supply wire (entering the machine) has a diameter of .125″ and a velocity of 120FPM. What is the final diameter and speed of the wire leaving the machine?Not sure where to start, I’ve been looking in my book for some equations and i can only find stress and strain equations. Please show all your work so i can understand what you are doing. Thanks so much for all the help!! Reply

  • aquua@me.com'
    Irene Madrid
    August 27, 2012

    While I now feel as if my X did me a favor by asking for a divorce after 44 yrs of his narcissism, I do not think I ever want to date again. It not only has been a long time but dealing with others’ issues, personality quirks etc I crave my peaceful, slowed-down life, with much simpler elements. I think our culture sees couples as the ‘way’. I would get sucked into that idea off and on and now feel calm about knowing I don’t need another person to make my life complete. I LOVE my quiet evenings, and activities done at my pace. At 66 yrs old, extremely fit and active, I find most men in my age group are old and staid. I feel no sexual desire but am actually revulsed at times when I see what is out there today.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2012

      Hi Irene,

      It is totally okay to honour your truth – absolutely…and the truth is as you progress in your reclaiming of self, somewhere down the track that may change, or it may not.

      And your belief systems may change into creating ‘another reality’. Because your chosen and aligned with belief systems are the creator of your future experience without exception – it is not going on or decided on ‘out there’.

      What is important is your inner fulfilment whether that be in or out of a relationship.

      Mel xo

  • kelleys2004@yahoo.com'
    Kelley Sexton
    August 27, 2012

    Thank you for all that you are doing. I had no idea and I thought I was the only one! I have just started reading your materials, watching your videos and starting to get my life back. So much better than the ten years of therapy I just went through.
    I look forward to the next video. I am so ready to stop and to move on!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 27, 2012

      Hi Kelley,

      you are very welcome.

      Yes I remember once thinking I was the only one – and nearly fell off my chair when I realised the world-wide epidemic that was taking place!

      I am glad my information makes sense, and is helping and it is wonderful that you wish to heal and thrive!!

      Mel xo

  • Mariblom@online.no'
    Maria
    August 31, 2012

    I do no longer remember how I found this website with all the information which seems like it’s adressed right to me and my situation. It feels like magic, even if I’m a total rational woman …
    That’s what I thought I was. Almost three years with my narc has put me in situations of total madness. I have tried everything; therapy, reasoning, pleading, tears … just to get some normality into our relationship. I see now that I’m the one who attracted this person. My very special childhood with a rejecting father and a hurt and traumatised mother. I will no longer let my present be controlled by the past! I’m growing up and taking responsibility for my failed relationships at the age of 50:-), never too late, ha ha!
    I am recently doing no contact, only for a week now, and struggeling like no other time in my life. Can someone please tie my hands to prevent me from texting or phoning!
    I have great help in all the information, the New Life Newsletter, and the videos. I’m so looking forward to number three! It’s going a bit too fast for me, english not being my native tongue, but I just stop and go back, so it’s understandable for me.
    Today a butterfly was caught in my bedroom window. This has never happened before, I live three floors off the ground! I carefully took it outside, and it flew away in in the chill morning of Norway. It’s life will not be long, but it will be free.
    Thank you so much, Melanie.

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      September 1, 2012

      Hi Maria, I hope you don’t mind me saying hi and I want to share a story about Butterflys…after I nearly died from horrific abuse from the worst Narc after 4 years, (my childhood sounds like yours), I had a birthday not long afterwards and every birthday card had Butterflies on them. Even ones from my family from Qld Australia and from overseas! One gift I received was a notebook with a butterfly on it and after moving up to my mothers house in the mountains, they were flying around the garden with many dragonflys. One strangely landed on my coffee cup, on the rim and just sat there for a moment before flying away. Butterflys must symbolise peace and freedom. I had never seen so many of them before when in my ‘guilded cage’ feeling so trapped with my light fading more each day. Frogs are also a symbol for change for me, as the few months before leaving, around Xmas time, I had all frog cards, a frog jewellery case, and the cracker I won had a frog inside. Now after 9 months of being ‘free’ from the cage, I am finding it easier. You will feel many emotions but they (the bad feelings) are much better than the ‘madness’ and torture you feel when with these ill people. The butterfly was telling you something, I do believe that. Be free…☺

    • oceanimportexp@aol.com'
      Shelly
      September 8, 2012

      My greatest regret is giving my ex N almost 9 years. Basically my entire 30’s! 9 of the most horrific, MISRIBLE, painful years of my life! If I had only left after 3! I would give ANYthing to have those years back! I believed I could fix us, that I was the problem & I had already invested so much. I always believed in his promise to change in a way I wanted that never lasted & only got WORSE!! Every time I went back I became WEAK & broken, to the point of not being able to function! I had to loose almost everything! Years u can never get back! Delete his number! Block him from everything! Turn location services off.! He may try ANY thing & everything to get u to contact him only to mistreat u some more! I can promise u 2 things: it will get worse if u go back & it will only be harder on u later.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        September 8, 2012

        Hi Shelly,

        I initially felt exactly the same…regret – horribly…

        What I learnt is when I had my awakening and realised the higher truth is that exactly what happened, including the wasted years, the destroyed finances etc. etc. was supposed to happened, it was ‘perfect’ in that my soul had created exactly the circumstances I required to hit my rock bottom to come home and heal, and become my True Self.

        There was no wasted time, and only the ‘now’ in which to create the gift.

        I also realised that as per Law of Attraction, if I stayed stuck in ‘regret’ I was only going to manifest more in my life to ‘regret’ with no way out.

        So I chose acceptance and taking the gift and my healing instead.

        Now five years later after doing that I have made up all the ground and some! Not that it mattered, because truly the mission for myself personally was to live an authentic life, create inner authentic happiness and to honour my soul. Stuff and ‘time lost’ didn’t matter anymore.

        Truly Shelley when you commit to the healing of your soul, of your unhealed parts and come home to yourself, you will know that time, stuff and waste are all illusions, and what the beauty of your life really is.

        You will also reach a place of gratitude knowing that you would have ‘paid’ even more to finally claim the gift of healing and becoming the True You…

        I hope this helps and inspires you to get on to your healing at the deep levels..

        Mel xo

  • Mariblom@online.no'
    Maria
    September 1, 2012

    Hi Jac, thanks for sharing your story, sometimes incidents feel utterly symbolic (and comforting)…
    I’m struggeling. I am also ashamed that a competent women like myself could take this shit (pardon my norwegian:-)) for so long, and still wanting to go back!
    I know change is going to take some hard work, but now I have the tools.
    I feel I also have the support and love from the many of you with the same experience. My heart goes out to you too…
    Lots of butterflies, frogs, and love!

    • jacsplat@msn.com'
      Jac
      September 1, 2012

      My heart goes out to everyone too, and it is not an easy situation to digest or understand. I was pining, crying alot when I thought about him, I kept going back to when it was so lovely between us in the early days, then felt what I thought was love for him still, even after the way he treated me, but realised it was ‘trauma bonding’ when the ‘peptide addiction’ is controlling us, not true love. It took me 7 months to finally realise it was hopeless trying to make them accountable or take responsibility, and doing this was only keeping me hooked and wanting to work it out with him. 9 months today and it is the first day of spring! butterflies everywhere and I am feeling freer every day. You will too, and the quickest way to release the addiction to want to contact or even have this person in your life is Quanta Freedom. I was not sure it was going to work for me, the way I was feeling but after only two sessions it released the urge to want to contact him, even thinking about him was less and less. If I thought about him, there was no ’emotion’ or feeling attached to it, just like a memory. Everytime you think about wanting to contact, see, write, text or whatever, remember how you felt, when with him and knowing now, you are free from him, to find yourself again. I can’t be bothered with him now, as it is the same stuff, nice emails, hooking, manipulation, sorry for this or that, but I know he will never change. My efforts are now focused on ‘me’ becoming free to live my life how I imagined, not living to please someone else. Melanie’s NARP programme is something I am looking forward to doing and in the meantime, whatever comes up for me that needs shifting, I do QF. You will be ok and just follow Melanie’s advice. Most important ‘No Contact’ as it will keep you hooked and emotionally drained. Frogs are croaking away out here in the bush and they give me strength. Jac x

  • Annnnitttta@yahoo.com'
    Ann
    September 1, 2012

    Amazing videos… Part 1 & Part 2 of the Series.
    Thanks a MiLLiON Mel.
    Eagerly irresistibly anticipating… Where is Part 3 of The Video Series??

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 2, 2012

      Hi Ann,

      I am so glad you have enjoyed the first two videos.

      hold tight – very, very soon! It has been a much larger production than anticipated. By early next week it will be released!

      Mel xo

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