Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Break The Psychic Connection With A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
59
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I truly believe the hardest bond to break with a narcissist is the one we can’t see …

The psychic tie.

So many people report this – the terrible feeling like the narcissist still lives on inside of them – the abusive voice in their head, the reoccurring nightmares … and the feeling like the narcissist is coursing through their veins like shards of ice, or a foul black ink.

When we are living with this psychic infiltration we feel polluted.

We feel like we may NEVER get free of this feeling.

And it is so hard to exist with it … because our Life-force is being sucked out of us no matter what we do to block, cut off or escape the connection.

It’s creepy, eerie, so exhausting and SO TOTALLY real!

In my experience with this, and from helping thousands of people for many years recover as well, I know how REAL this psychic phenomenon is … and how hard it is to get free from it.

That is until we know how to.

Then I promise you it isn’t difficult at all, once you know how … the disconnect can start to happen swiftly and surely.

The Thriver Way to heal from narcissistic psychic bonds means not having to continually block, deflect and tie-cut. Instead it is a conclusive way that creates your Inner Being as a landscape where a narcissist’s hooks, implants and energies simply can’t exist.

That is what today’s episode is all about – HOW we get free for the psychic entrapments once and for all, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

Today’s episode is very dear to me because I faced a vicious bond to my first narcissistic husband for 5 years, before I learnt how to break the connection FOR GOOD!

If you would like any further help with this issue, or if you would like to let me know how this episode helped, please leave a comment on the blog.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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59 Thoughts on How To Break The Psychic Connection With A Narcissist
  • momma3ddd@yahoo.com'
    Laurel Meek Spence
    April 20, 2017

    Thanks Melanie for all of your work!
    Do you have resources about how to handle sharing custody once divorced from a narcissist?

    • Joanne.grateful@gmail.com'
      Joanne
      April 20, 2017

      I am also dealing ith a similar situation. Shared custody of two small children. It is tough on them also. Help!

      • pythoness1@gmail.com'
        T
        April 21, 2017

        I am dealing with an ex and we have a son together. My son has experienced severe trauma at the hands of his father and relives that trauma at every visit, twice per month. My ex has an girlfriend who is equally nasty. I do not believe that co-parenting with these people is possible, as I don’t believe they are capable.

        I am working on clearing myself, but I do not know that my healing will be enough for my three year old son to heal as well. Sometimes when I do modules, I include him along with clearing out the junk and stuff that the “little me” is carrying.

        How can I heal my son so that he is no longer an energetic match to these toxic people? Any advice is appreciated.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 21, 2017

        Hi Laurel and Joanne,

        you are very welcome 🙂

        Please know if you google my name + co-parenting I have created many resources about this topic.

        Also my entire healing system has been KEY and so helpful for people dealing with co-parenting.

        Have you signed up to my free resources to find out more?

        http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

        I hope this helps.

        Mel xo

  • Jennifermchase@yahoo.com'
    Jeffifer
    April 20, 2017

    Oh my! The deregulation statement was so on the mark. I’ve never reacted to anyone in the way I reacted the the N who brought me to my knees. Thank you for once again this important information that is key to healing. Our healing is our soul path. ❤️❤️❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Jeffifer,

      you are very welcome … it is so true that healing within our soul is everything.

      Anything else is not true recovery.

      Mel xo

  • meganzopf@yahoo.com'
    Megan Zopf
    April 20, 2017

    I do agree that the only way to get rid of that nightmare is to deal with it straight on. That’s what I do almost all the time since I joined NARP. Then on Easter I was caught off guard and wasn’t in a position to go to the wound. I was with my daughter and granddaughter and out in a restaurant. I won’t go into detail here what happened. What I want to stress here though, because of NARP I was able to work through it later. Before I became part of NARP something like that would have haunted me for days and then take me a long time to feel a little grounded. The deep wounds need to be healed before the heaviness is lifted. There is no other way and I’ve tried them all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Megan,

      that is fabulous that you go directly into your trauma with NARP to shift it.

      Agreed, otherwise the trauma lives on ….

      Yay to you Megan and Bless! 🙂

      Mel xo

  • memsaff@yahoo.com'
    MaryEllen McCloud
    April 20, 2017

    This is absolutely the only way to genuinely and throughly heal. The head on approach allows not only for healing but for growth, moving forward and making much healthier choices while attracting much healthier people/circumstances.
    This recovery program has been life changing for me. It’s given me the support and courage to face my fears and vulnerabilities head on, work through them and feel a genuine inner peace.
    This week has shown me how far the NARP program has brought me… so briefly, I met my N working together. We continue to work for the same company but different locations. Well this week he’s at my location, 8 hours/day. I know I’m recovering because I feel absolutely nothing and no connection to this person. I am not who I was and cannot even connect to that place and therefore have no attachment to him. It’s so powerful to feel that way! Thank you Melanie and all of you! I am such a better version of myself because of you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi MaryEllen,

      I am so thrilled for you that NARP has bee life changing and allowed you to come home to you.

      How fabbo all of the ties are broken – that is such a testament to the work you have done on your Inner Being – to have no internal trauma left that was matching him.

      It IS powerful!

      True Evolution MaryEllen at its best!!

      Mel xo

  • moderatorbondon@yahoo.com'
    Bondon
    April 20, 2017

    Hi Melanie, a great big hola from Barcelona, Spain, where I am currently on a thriving vacation having the time of my life!
    THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART for this video, it arrived just at the right time.
    I consider myself a thriver, and have been practicing, ie. ”working” the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program for some 18 months now to great success, both how I feel on the inside, which in turn has brought me many opportunities to manifest in my outer-life numerous long-awaited dreams, one of which is this trip to Spain– that is, organizing, PAYING FOR (treating myself), and actually GOING on a vacation by myself, allowing joy and fun in my life without any guilt. The day and night prior to my departure, the exN partner made contact virtually out of ”nowhere”, and after a year and a half of full-on NO CONTACT. HOW? HOW on Earth did that man ”KNOW” that the next day I was set to embark on a long-awaited not ”just a vacation”, but a personal empowering journey a dream-come-true in terms of independently saving up for, planning out, and actually going on an independent vacation, a pure joy of treating myself after not years, but a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. HOW DID HE PICK THAT ONE DAY, of aaaaalll the days, that one day before my trip to come crawling out of the woodword to RUIN my long-awaited joyous trip? I don’t know how he got my new number, but there were 50 missed calls. I went from merrily dancing the samba in my living room to a state of shell-shock. My anxiety soared and I started shaking, thinking: ”I am doomed. There is no escape. I could plan a trip to Mars, to another galaxy, and I’ll NEVER get away from the insidious psychic ”abilities” of past abusers, both that ex-narcissistic partner, and my family of origin narcissists.”
    However, after a year and a half of NARPing, practicing the Quanta Freedom Healing Technique through the NARP Modules, my emotional set-point is leaning more towards self-empowering ”can-do” inner resonance, so I didn’t wallow in victim-thoughts for long. As I was pressed for time (my flight to my dream vacation was the next morning!!!!), I first did the new, shorter version, of Module 1, to calm myself. Then, as you rightly note, I contacted NARP moderator Clarie for additional support, and she provided much-needed additional clarity to steer me into the next level of real thriving, not feeding the narcissist further.
    I then proceeded to contact my local police station and renew the restraining order I have had for the narcissistic ex-partner since 2014 (and 3 years later, to the date, one night before my thriving-vacation, that man PSYCHICALLY FELT my freedom from him, from any and all past abuse, unbelievable!).
    I then returned home, and did a Goal Setting Module, setting the intention for having the RIGHT to a Life of–> PERSONAL INDEPENDENT THRIVING ABUNDANCE. I did not sleep a wink the night before my ”break to ultimate thriving and personal freedom”, symbolically shaped as this ”mere vacation to Spain”, but on a deeper level – this vacation represents my achievement of a higher thriving level, breaking FREE from old patterns.
    Ha! And as Life would have it – after a sleepless yet productive night of self-partnering I got a flight upgrade next morning at the airport and comfortably slept through to my destination – Barcelona on a wordly level, yet personal freedom on a broader, metaphysical level.
    So indeed, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reiterating this message Melanie – the narcissist(s) does not and do not have any ”super-natural” psychic abilities, it is our own inner subtle self-sabotage that tends to try and pull us back towards ”the known”, the familiar patterns of our past. And we have the ability, via our own inner power, to heal those old wounds through Quanta Freedom Healing, thus rendering any and all narcissists powerless over us. Amazing, genius actually, in its very simplicity.

    • sailaway2015@gmx.de'
      Liberty
      April 20, 2017

      Good morning Bondon,
      if you still have time left, I’m living in Mallorca, 20 minutes southwest of Palma de Mallorca, just opposite of Barcelona, one of the most beautiful Balearic Islands, so if you would like to come, i would love to uplevel your way of thriving and show the beauties of this island to you.
      Ihave been living here for two years now.
      I’m a thriver myself and after two years of complete disorientation, because I was married and stayed 26 years with my Narc.
      I asked myself, what do you need and the answer was “warmth & light” and the other day an email arrived, send by an estate agency in Mallorca. I didn’t know Mallorca at all but took the chance to get away from it all, at least for three days and so I found this beautiful house and its lovely garden, with a pool, palm and pine trees, with beautiful view onto the golf course.
      Normally I used to live in Düsseldorf/Germany.
      So if you want to come for a few days, there are two rooms upstairs with bath and terrace and feel free to break free.
      If you play golf we can even play, because Golf became besides Melanie’s NARP Program, my best therapy which I have tried. For me it’s a mixture of Yoga & ThaiChi and golf feaches me to concentrate on the here & now and sets my head free.
      I am 58 years by now and we have three wonderful and easy going daughters (21,24,25)) who have just begin to work as a paediatric doctor, as a veterinary and the youngest is studying psychology in London. They are highly motivated and my biggest supporters, besides my friends!
      So please if you would like to see Mallorca, feel free to contact me … ask Melanie for my email address and it would be my pleasure to show you around and up level you even more to feel & breakfree, if you have nothing else to do :)))

      • Cosmos14k@gmail.com'
        Elyse Banks
        April 21, 2017

        Hello my name is Elyse abd I’m new to Narc, I’m planning a trip to Italy Tuscanny as well as Paris and even considered Dubai. and its,in july. If anyone would lIke to share with me id love the company. I’m 52 years old as Australian born but been living in San Diego usa for 8 years. I spent a large part if my child hood in Hong Kong.
        I’m still finding my feet with all of Melanie s talks…it’s a big strp…good luck and blessing to each and everyone if you.xx elyse. Cosmos14k@gmail.com

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        April 21, 2017

        Hi Florina,

        I would love to connect Bonding with you if she wishes to.

        Wish I was over there too to hang with the two of you!!

        Mel xo

    • anki_linnerheim@hotmail.com'
      Anki
      April 20, 2017

      Bondon I can not even begin to describe the feelings I get when I read your comment!! It is SO similar to my experience recently – and I could not believe HOW they know exactly when to pop up after years and years at the EXAKT moment of something very important and something so opposite to everything that once was related to that N-life!!!
      I am just about to watch this Thriver episode now and I was totally amazed (again!) when I woke up this morning to find that Melanie had made this episode exactly when I needed it!! (Did Modules four times yesterday on this specific topic trying all I could to get rid of the toxic psychic connection and vibration and energy of the N that I feel like a poison in me!) It there the help and the tools were – in my mailbox!!)

      I LOVE your comment, your energy and your soul Bondon! Here and in the forum you are a true inspiration and angel!

      Have a wonderful, lovely time and vacation!!! ❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Bondon,

      How wonderful you are on Thriver Vacation!!! Yippee!

      Awwww what expansion and joy to be treating and honouring yourself at this level and feel internally free to do it!

      Wow how crazy the contact! And what an astounding and meant to be up-levelling opportunity.

      Brilliant that you powered on, released all hooks, went to the next level of your True Self Spirit and soared, and how beautiful life had supported you all the way – via Modules, our beautiful Clarie and then the seat upgrade … because you were firmly committed to self-partnering and supporting yourself.

      As we know and live as Thrivers – Quantum Law … So within, so without.

      It is beyond adorable, heartwarming and inspiring to watch you blossom Bondon, and please know soul-sister you are aways welcome, it is an hour journeying with you.

      I agree with your closing statements with every ounce of my Being.

      Mel xo

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    April 20, 2017

    Meaningful episode again. Thank you, Melanie!

  • kfitt@hotmail.com'
    Karen
    April 20, 2017

    I need help in Co parenting. I don’t want contact but I have to bcuz of kids and to try to.understabd how he has affected their lives

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Karen,

      AS I shared with two other ladies above …

      Please know if you google my name + co-parenting I have created many resources about this topic.

      Also my entire healing system has been KEY and so helpful for people dealing with co-parenting.

      Have you signed up to my free resources to find out more?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • anki_linnerheim@hotmail.com'
    Anki
    April 20, 2017

    Wow thank you so much for this Mel!!
    It (as always!) came at the exact right moment when I needed it the most! ❤

    I have just finished Short Version Module 1 – setting up Source Healing and Resolution of “this”. And even though I have done this so many times on the very same “this” (this being the connection and obsession etc etc to the N) – my body found and told me new things and I was able to clear out several deep wounds and beliefs like:
    “I am losing to Life- Life is winning over we”
    “I am so used to Darkness that it feels safe”
    “I MUST give up my whole body and even cut parts of it off”
    “I deserve to be punished over and over and over…”
    “I am NOTHING – nor even air. I dont exist”.

    The feeling of emotional weightloss Mel!!!! 🤗❤❤
    As you know I am calling it “birthing a mammoth”, I feel exhausted and like flying at the same time!

    Lots of love and warm hugs to you beautiful soul!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Anki,

      darling lady I am so glad this was timely for you …

      How fabulous you just keep clearing yourself and going to the next level of inner freedom.

      You are a spiritual warrioress of the Highest Order Anki, and I love seeing you heal and shine.

      Much hugs and love to you too Anki 🙂

      Mel xo

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Elina
    April 20, 2017

    Thank you beautiful Melanie,
    Thanks to you, I feel like myself and better again after the N experience! Without your guidance, I probably would have been stuck forever!

    One last thing I did just yesterday, it was something that remained to bother me (now months after the “relationship” has ended). You wrote in some article that it is common for a N to be promiscuos and probably not faitfull…I was horrified to hear this, as of course I fully trusted him and he is actually the first man ever with who I had unprotected sex, “of course”…as he seemed to be so “good and decent man”. So I went to a doctor, I wanted to test all the sexually transmitted diseases.
    With embarrasement and anxiety, I wanted to explain the nurse “the story”, but she just casually said, with a light laugh “Men! Men, they ARE like this”.
    Like this…?? Unfaithfull, unreliable? Good heavens, I refuse to believe men are like this…men are not, N’s are!!
    This was a nasty life lesson…but I hope all will be well 🙂

    • Cosmos14k@gmail.com'
      Elyse Banks
      April 21, 2017

      You will be fine. Mine may have given me something a long time ago. Men don’t seem as fussed as women are and it’s a male ego thing where they chose to not believe that they can’t possibly catch or carry or be responsible for having an SD !!
      Seems to me you took the right action and figured it all out.
      Elyse

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Elina,

      it’s my pleasure.

      That is wonderful that you are breaking free and healing.

      Correct not all men are adulterous!

      Sending you blessings for your results.

      Mel xo

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Elina
        April 25, 2017

        Thank you for your support! <3 I am delighted to say that all the results were negative!! I've been angry with myself, like what on earth I was thinking?! Probably nothing, when I was blinded with "love"…But what the nurse said helped me to put things in perspective…that we can't live so that we are all the time scared of something and never take any "risks" (whether the man is N or not)….we must LIVE the life!
        Back then when I was with the N, I expressed this my worry to him about contraception etc., he just said "I am healthier than you are". Argh, annoying typical N answer!
        It is clear that he is very capable to tell many lies…But I am positively surprised, this time he actually did not lie to me!
        But I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore, I'd like to leave all this mess to the past now!

  • Kristinahund@gmail.com'
    Kristina
    April 21, 2017

    Thank you for the video Upleveling the pain from my arm today due to negative emotions and trauma from the abuse. I have been doing the Narp program for 11 months and I have experienced incredible shifts healing and regaining self power. My self partnering and self love is my main priority. I notice now the pain in my body or negative emotions a lot quicker and I go to up level as soon as I feel it. The one thing that gives me the most comfort through all the pain is this understanding of it. Thanks for the continual education.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 21, 2017

      Hi Kristina,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      I love that NARP has helped you so much, and I am very happy for you.

      Keep NARPing lovely lady, and how wonderful you keep releasing and replacing trauma with Wellbeing.

      Mel xo

  • CherylKeenan@comcast.com'
    Cheryl
    April 21, 2017

    Another great video Melanie, you are so right, so smart. I never thought about t that way, but there definitely is that “psychic connection” for sure when you have experienced narcissistic abuse. It’s been about a year and a half since my “shattering” and although I feel I have come a long way in my healing process, I do still feel the psychic connection. I usually do obsess and then I will stop myself, I constantly remind myself and put loud tell myself, it doesn’t matter where he is, who he’s with or what he’s doing, it no longer matters, but of course your right, you sandy just obsess or try working it in your head, you gave to go right to your wounds, right to your traumas to really heal and break free from this connection, but as you say, what is your alternative, I must break free of the connection, body, mind and soul and although I know this with every fiber of my being, it’s just so hard and is a daily struggle sometimes. I’m still waiting for the “triggers” to go away and I have a lot of them. Seems like the more time you spent in the relationship with the narc, unfortunately, the more triggers you seem to have. If I could conquer this totally, I would be doing so much better. It makes you feel insane at times, but yet you know deep in your heart you are not insane. This is just part of the ugly and horrific process that you must go through after separating yourself from the narc. A work in progress for sure. I wish you and everyone on your blog who truly understands peace, health and happiness. Cheryl

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Cheryl,

      thank you!

      It is true the psychic connection is so consistent, until we heal the inner traumas that are keeping us connected.

      The triggers truly do go when we work at releasing the trauma from our Inner Being. Have you connected to my free resources to learn more about this – because it really, really could help you and set you free.

      And yes please know you are not insane, and once you have released the trauma you will be living free of him and the hooks.

      Here is this information.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

      Mel xo

    • radmosaic@gmail.com'
      Orchid
      April 24, 2017

      Cheryl, what you just said about the triggers, it is so so true! Makes me feel better to know I am not imagining this. I lived with the N for 5 years and now that I am in my own place for the past 15 months, I realize all the awful triggers are still with me. We all can help each other, and I am so thankful for this website.

  • ltlennox@yahoo.com'
    LIsa
    April 21, 2017

    this is so timely and helpful, I broke off (well I set boundaries enough that he wanted to move on)with a Narc a few weeks ago after an intense year and 3/4 relationship. I am finding out so much now that I believe he a sociopath. Anyway, he dumped me in the fall, but reeled me back after 6 weeks. Wooing and wonderful, and then fade to the same old mind games. Even though I KNEW something was off by now and that I had to get out, a part of me is still obsessing, and this psychic connection is real, even though Ive done all the cord cutting and blocking and no contact. My worst problem is he lives so close to me I can see his house and him mine. We have to drive past each others home to work and take my kids to school, dog to the park etc. I swear I can feel him jog by in the morning. Yesterday I saw him 4 times. I see him every day. He sent me a text on easter (I’ve since removed him from my phone) saying that when our paths cross and they inevitably will he hopes I will act with courtesy and respect. ha! now he wants to control how I act if I see him. this and getting the ICK out of my body have been the hardest things so far. I cant move away from him and I don’t want to hide in my own neighborhood.. How do I build a strength to deal with the close proximity. Its almost like he lives in my house!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Lisa,

      big hugs and my heart goes out to you.

      When people are in the situations such as close proximity, co-parenting and work situations there is even a greater necessity to do the work in our bodies to release the trauma so that this person becomes TOTALLY benign to us.

      It is possible.

      Previously with N 1 who terrorised my emotions beyond description, I had chronic agoraphobia, and he lived in my neighbourhood!!! I was a total prisoner emotionally in this state. I could not bear going out because I was bumping into him constantly.

      My inner healing created myself to the level of NO fear, triggers and as I have said previously seeing a slug on the pavement is more interesting” … … but please KNOW this … there is NO way known I could have reached that level if I have not worked with Quanta Freedom Healing to get the trauma out of my body first.

      This is NOT a logical decision – the body rules, and if the trauma is still in there it is a long, slow grind to try to “switch off”. After N-abuse in my experience of seeing thousands of people with this condition … most people don’t get there.

      My hugest suggestion to you is doing healing at this level with the NARP Program… its the only way I know to heal from this for real.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Mel xo

      • ltlennox@yahoo.com'
        LIsa
        April 25, 2017

        Thank you Melanie.. I definitely feel the physical energetic waves of addiction and triggers come and go in me.. Im starting to get stronger but will look into the program.. Ive been doing what you suggest about dropping in to the original wound, and it is some relief. I have one other question.. I’m in this boat because my Mom is a Narc. I;m 53 and still trying to heal from/ and endure her constant toxicity. learning to set boundaries, not let her get to me etc… All of the past with her, finally opening to healing a 35 yr old trauma, AND the new relationship with the Narc guy have all jumbled to gather in one big healing crisis. Can I deal with all of this together in the NARP program? Or is it meant more for one issue at a time? Though I know that there is profound good to come on the other side, I get really overwhelmed in tears a lot lately. Its hard to keep moving forward. OHHH!! and I had a dream about the boyfriend last night. UGH!!!! how to stop those?

  • kmcph1970@gmail.com'
    Kathryn McPhail
    April 21, 2017

    Firstly I would like to say how radiant you are looking Mel!!
    I have been following your thriver episodes for almost 2 years and I can’t thankyou enough!
    I am thriving!!
    This episode resonates with me on a deeper level.
    I too keep thinking is this psychic connection real!!
    The ex narc has also visited me in my dreams asking ‘can you save me?’ It was like he was in my room with me!
    I have tried the cord cutting, blocking and deflection with as you said short term relief.
    Thankyou for sharing..xx
    I have some work to do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Kathryn,

      thank you … that is a lovely compliment 🙂

      I am so thrilled for you that you are Thriving.

      That is wonderful you now know how to combat this …

      Mel xo

  • cindylouvallet@gmail.com'
    cindy
    April 21, 2017

    Yes Melanie I have psychic experiences with the N in fact while I was still seeing him I had a very clear nightmare of him busting into my place, knocking and pinning me down and masturbating over me. I took this as a psychic rape .
    Things have been quiet in the physic department with him for ages and there’s been no contact for a year however very recently he appeared in a dream being really nice and helpful and it felt like he was willing me to make contact and I found myself entertaining the idea. Instead I decided to “uplevel” and proceeded with a Narp module. During the release I was experiencing shards of glass coming out of my ears eyes and nose. It was full on but felt ” satisfying” and felt like this shifted the connection somehow. Thank you xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi Cindy,

      That is so great you have been working at shifting this out of your Being with NARP.

      That, truly, Dear Lady is all we need to do, each and every time a hook comes up.

      And what we discover is that they are not just about the N … they are all incredible opportunities to be released into the next Highest Version of Ourselves.

      Keep going.

      Mel xo

  • janetsplace@hotmail.co.uk'
    J
    April 22, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    Thank you for all your wonderful insight. I have recently received your free initial package and have read your two books and your daily e-mails. I finally feel that there is someone out there that not only knows the exact trauma that I have been through but is also brave enough to tell it as it is.

    I was in a devastating relationship for twelve years, which like you, resulted in a breakdown and I finished the relationship at this time as I had no choice but to seek help.

    My ex did not live with me at the time and after eight weeks away I returned home. Within a week of my returning people I knew started to ignore me in the street, I knew that a smear campaign had been started, which had been promised prior to my leaving and was later confirmed, and I was not in a fit state to deal with any of it. I stayed home and had limited contact with friends, who unfortunately were mutual contacts of my ex. It soon became clear that they were buying into his version of events when I did see them, I was totally devastated and broke contact with all the people that we both knew save one friend, my anxiety was through the roof every time I saw anyone I knew. I have since lost the one friend that I have seen occasionally during the last four years, and bless her she did try and support me, but the campaign seemed to escalate every time I saw her (my punishment for stepping over the designated line) and even reached my workplace,

    I rarely go out of the house now and into my home town except to make the journey to work every day and i have no social life, I have learned that there are repercussions if I do and know that if I do I am inviting the game as far as he is concerned.

    I know the psychic connection but feel that this is more a figment my inability to grasp just how relentlessly he seeks out information from those that I have had contact with. During his staking phase which lasted for three years after I finished the relationship, he would park his car outside my house almost daily, contact me by text, send me gifts and cards and turn up regularly at places that he knew I would be despite my never responding to any of his other attempts to make contact, on these occasions when he turned up he would present me with information about myself that I had shared with others, that to me, was of no consequence but, that some how he would present to me as an accusation. I believe that, for instance my planting flowers in my garden, which was one accusation presented though gritted teeth, was a genuine straight up front, how can you do that, why are you still functioning and not broken? and I actually felt guilty, it’s as if you buy into the ego and say I will feel guilty if you want me to because it will make you happy. I remember this from childhood, emotion on demand, best to comply. He gave up the stalking when he got a new girlfriend.

    I have used this blog to have a rant, sorry if it’s not totally on subject.

    So grateful for your work x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 22, 2017

      Hi J,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I am so pleased you feel supported and understood.

      J, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart – that the smear campaigns are terrible and I relate exactly to what you are saying … yet I promise you with every part of my Being when we turn inwards and heal the original wounds and terrors of being persecuted, stunned etc … that not only do we start holding our head up high without ANY triggers … and then many people see the truth (finally) turn and come back and we also start generating a whole heap of incredible connections.

      I promise you, you can heal from all of this. It’s the inner work that does it.

      It is a choice when we do get to the place of “enough pain …”

      Big hugs to you

      Mel xo

  • mmpressler@hotmail.com'
    Mary
    April 23, 2017

    I don’t want to go to church. My husband is a deacon and teaches our Sunday school class, leads the congregational singing, and is visibly involved there. He gets on the computer and watches pornography websites. The first time I caught him at it, he apologized profusely and swore not to do it again. There was another time, and I told him i felt this was adultery and if he did it again, I would be leaving. He has done it again.

  • radmosaic@gmail.com'
    Orchid
    April 24, 2017

    This is something I am working on, that psychic thing. The N I was with was not horrid all the time, in fact most of the time he was funny and loves animals. I don’t hate him, but I don’t want to be with him! I am learning how I let myself be manipulated because of his good side, and my empathic nature. Last week, he just lost his mother ( she was very very old and it was not a surprise) -he did text me this news. I let 48 hrs go by but felt myself getting very emotional and tied in knots over his loss, feeling sorry for him ( yet again) . So I sent him an email card. He responded with another email and some texts, which I have ignored. I need to break the psychic connections. But at least I am learning this is my pattern. Pity and worry about him to the detriment of my own well being. No more. I am learning.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 25, 2017

      Hi Orchid,

      That is wonderful that you are detaching.

      It is very true that when we are compassionate and kind and feel for people that we can be susceptible when the narcissist reaches out.

      Stay strong and healing ourselves is always the best defence.

      Mel xo

  • jojokelly225@aol.com'
    Jo
    April 24, 2017

    Thank you for this helpful video. I sued all the visual tools in desperation to heal myself but it only seemed to get worse. I now know how to cut the psychic ties.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      April 25, 2017

      Hi Jo,

      you are very welcome and I am pleased this has helped.

      Mel xo

    • Sita_260@yahoo.com'
      Sandra
      July 14, 2017

      Has it help you, what did you do?

  • stephbsousa@gmail.com'
    Stephanie
    April 24, 2017

    Hi Melanie! I’m a regular watcher of your videos and a NARPer but this is my first time reaching out on the blog. Finding you has changed my life! I separated from my narc about a year and a half ago now and very shortly after stumbled upon your work and it instantly lifted this huge weight from my back and I’ve never been the same since. I’ve realized that I’m codependent and I see exactly why we were attracted to one another and exactly how that dynamic played out. I could go on and on but suffice to it say that I’m now in a place where I am at peace with what happened, I understand how and why it happened and most especially (and the place I thought I might never get) im thankful that it happened. I’m thankful for him being ten person in my life to help me realize that I was asking him to be what I needed to be for myself. I realize now he (nor anyone else) could ever give or be that to me but me. I’m tuly a new person and I’m amazed at how differently I view the world. It reminds me of the first time I put in glasses…I didn’t know I couldn’t see before until I could. And it’s glorious. So thank you! I truly wouldn’t be here without your help. All of that said, I do have a question and one I’ve wanted to ask for awhile. When I do the modules…I still have no idea how to answer the questions how old is this pain and what is it about. If I get anything I always feel like I’m guessing and I’m ok with. But often times I just get nothing. I do them anyways but I’m wondering if you have any thoughts on that. Some people seem to be so definitive and to just know. Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated as I feel this is still the thing I need to work through to be fully healed and upleveled. Sending you so much love and gratitude for the work you do.

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    April 25, 2017

    Hi Stephanie,

    I am so pleased my information has helped!

    I love that you have come up and out into the True You!

    Please know Stephanie if you don’t get an age it generally means “ancient” … also there is actually no need to receive “information” in order to shift dense energy out of our body. All we need to do is be with it unconditionally, breathing body open – whilst the QFH process loads it up.

    Or if you really want to start tapping into energy then you can do specific shifts to clear the blocks out of your body as to why you aren’t connecting.

    Then you truly just will.

    Also please know we can coach you regarding this in the NARP Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member … that is the most powerful resource to get any information required on your shift work.

    I hope this helps 🙂

    Mel xo

  • thedancestudio@comcast.net'
    Lisa K
    May 3, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Thank you for this video. I wanted to know how to learn to heal. Do I order the dvds and will it explain how to do this on my own?

  • jasmaine10@gmail.com'
    Jasmaine tate
    May 31, 2017

    Hi,

    I loved all the articles and did not know where to start as far as commenting. I am unsure if my current partner is a narcissist or not but I think he is.

    I really feel that i have the hardest time letting him go completely because I belive his horror stories. But, I know staying will only hurt me. I feel like now when I date and someone shows how much they like me by calling and texting all the time I always compare it to how I was with him. Always feeling like I am the one requesting time and his presence. It is making getting out very difficult.

    I feel it has helped how I see things and also ruined majority of my trust. I need to be strong this time as far as no contact! I haven’t talked to him since last Thursday and preay to keep it going! I wish this never happened but I think it helped me see my insecurities.

    • Sita_260@yahoo.com'
      Sandra
      July 14, 2017

      Have you managed to stay no contact so far?

  • Teresita713@hotmail.com'
    Teresa
    June 2, 2017

    Hi,
    Thanks for posting. I will consciously put into practice what I received from watching this. I’m just a little confused about how to face the wound head on. For instance, when the narcissist in my life rages at me or hurls some other form of attack, I don’t deny the upset. I feel it, to the point it consumes me. What kinds of things should I tell myself when I’m in the presence of the narc (or absence), to be in a better position of healing?

  • wablueeyes217@yahoo.com'
    Von
    June 4, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    I have an infant with my narcissistic abuser. In October the abuse began getting physical. Today’s after Thanksgiving he threw a stroller of my head and push my head into my trunk and threatened to kill me in front of my children and our child. This happened in AL I lived in GA. I skipped and ran to Michigan or my family wise. With a protective order and criminal charges against him the judge in Michigan give me temporary sole custody. We had never been to court prior to that and I had to pay him to babysit his own child. After six weeks of going to court he got a judge in AL to Award him soul custody of our child and Michigan gave up jurisdiction. I went down to court in January with all the proof to prove my child had never lived in Alabama and my then attorney told me the judges told him I to make a deal with him to keep custody of my child or I would lose custody of my infant forever not be allowed visitation. The steel included I would have to drop the criminal charges protective order and he gets my input for six weeks I get my invite for four weeks and I had to pay the travel expenses. Since then whenever we’ve exchanged a child of the PlayStation he’s always called ahead and told them that I’ve made up false allegations against him because he’s black and he needs place there to protect him. He is 6’4 I’m 5’3 he brings the crowd of people but tells me I can’t bring anybody with me or that I’m harassing him. He has been allowed to take my child out of the state without telling me where he was and he constantly on the court order FaceTime make statements about how he’s targeted because of his race and the judges the same racist him and how our son is not safe with me and how he’s going to have all of these people neighbors and church members testify against me that I harassed him constantly. I’ve never met his family, I was not allowed to meet as friends, I know his one neighbors he’s referring to only because I used to live across the street from him and he had an affair with me and broke up my family, and I have not spoken to those neighbors in three years. Since I’ve been gone he’s had five different girlfriends four of them have been married and the current one is also married. But he will look at our infant son when it’s my time on FaceTime and he’ll say you need to be good man like me I’ve been a good upstanding Christian man for 50 years and you need to be a good man like me and I have a hard time holding my tongue. I am trying so desperately to get over to the abuse to not think about him to not let it hurt me how quickly he’s moved on to not let it hurt me that he never cared about me. But the judge has ordered that I send daily pictures when my son is with me so therefore he always emails with intimidations or threats and then with the FaceTime as intimidations or 30th so that’s Nanas not leave my mind and even having dreams about him. This hurts so bad I want nothing more than to be able to heal from this and not let him bother me at all. How do I do this when I’m forced to have contacts? Our final court date is June 16 which is not very far away as today is June 5. And I’m scared because he has made several statements that this judge is his body and this is why things have gone down he’s a church member and they specifically have discussed the intimate details of our case. I want so desperately to think that that’s not true because my new attorney say there’s no way to get this judge off the case. I’m still letting his threats bother me

  • neffie503@gmail.com'
    Nefertiti
    June 17, 2017

    Hello. I have just released 2 narcissists from my life it has been extremely painful. One was an ex i was with for 6 years, and he is trolling me on facebook, sending me texts, and telling lies to my new boyfriend. The other was a really good friend and bandmate. I quit both of the bands i was in with her. Now she is trying to ruin my reputation by spreading lies amongst our mutual friends and aquaintances , trolling me on facebook (subposting) and getting her friends to do the same, and also trying to ruin my chances for booking my new solo project in the future. How do i heal the source of trauma that keeps attracting these people into my life? My heart physically hurts everytime. Im reminded of the pain they put me through.

  • Sita_260@yahoo.com'
    Sandra
    July 14, 2017

    How do i go directly into healing myself please!!! What do i say or do?

  • sandypitman2014@gmail.com'
    Sondra Pitman
    July 28, 2017

    Hello, I am experiencing new feeling I think are from a narcissist. He is married to my daughter, she is so blinded by him she sees nothing. He has been with my other daughter, she now sees him for what he is, as I do. He has such narcissistic power he has my whole family loving him. To them he is a wonderful person and I should not feel that way toward him. He has them believing he is the perfect man. However he has made it quite clear he does not believe in God, he has been married many times, still enjoys drinking. Yet they overlook everything he does and believes everything he says as truth. My family has almost turned their back on me and my daughter, because we don’t agree with him or his ways. We talk bad about him. They will not have it. I want my family to see what he is doing. What kind of man he really is. I especially my daughter. I fear he will destroy my whole family and devastate my daughter. How do I stop him from hurting others. How do I convince them of the truth. I am running out of options.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2017

      Hi Sindra,

      the real truth is we can’t convince, control or make anyone else do anything at all.

      All we can do is heal and create our own life – regardless of what others choose to do.

      That is freedom 🙂

      Mel xo

  • ammarnew@hotmail.com'
    marko
    August 1, 2017

    I made a huge mistake by posting my vacation amazing pictures where I looked REALLY happy to send a clear msg to my narcissist ex that i am doing fine.

    The day I posted the pictures I have been feeling DRAINED , like sleepy all day , feeling like as if i am living in a dream, numb , fast to anger ..and I damn have been sleeping for like 9 hours every night ( 6-7 hours is my average ) my whole life .. Somthing is just not right.

    My narcissist ex wife ( 3 months marriage ) have always been in my thoughts and I easily have been sensing her thinking about me 24/7 .. but after posting these pics it is completely different .. it is like I have been running with only 20% of my normal energy ALL DAY .. and no I have no health issues nor physically sick !!

    How to cut the ties !! And it is extremely hard to go to a state of mind where she cannot exist .. is there a way to do it with little steps?!

    It took me 2 months to cut all physical ties with her and stop trying to communicate wirh her or her family .. but it is damn taking me almost a year to cut that energy cord .. no words can express how REAL this energy sucking exp. Is ..

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