Melanie Tonia Evans

How to Choose A Partner That Matches You – An Interview With An Empowered Dater

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 5
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Listen to Laurie from Canada’s inspirational story

Please note: The sound quality at my property has improved, but is still being tweaked! Thanks for being patient while this gets resolved.

Click here to see the offer I made in the Podcast


Don’t Spend Another Christmas Alone

How do you feel at Christmas time if you don’t have someone special to share it with?

I know how I used to feel coming into the most important family time of year being single. I felt depressed, very sad and in intense emotional pain. In fact I was devastated that I would again do Christmas alone, something that I vowed and declared every New Year I wouldn’t ever go through again!

But when it came around to finding a way out of this loneliness, I felt powerless. I mean you can’t just ‘pluck a partner out of thin air’. I had no idea where to find one, or how to go about getting one.

I was horrified of the thought of dating, and my only hope was to wait and hope that a decent man, that I could be attracted to, who wasn’t going to turn out to be an abuser, would show up in my life.

Little did I know that so much of my relationship disappointment was to do with the cold, hard fact…I had no idea how to be The Chooser. I was letting men pick me at random, whoever would turn up next and meet my needs at the time, much like a lottery where the numbers are picked at random.

As a result I ended up in relationships where men were not meeting my needs, I was frustrated, angry, and completed shocked and upset that again, just when I thought I had found ‘the one’, I was stuck in a painful, unhappy and unsatisfying relationship – knowing that soon I was going to have to be single, and start from scratch all over again.

How could a relationship work for me, when my safety and love needs were not met, values were not aligned, and I was spending copious amounts of energy trying to get this partner to be the great guy I thought he should be?

As Barbara De Angelis says “The number one reason why people suffer failed relationships is poor partner choice.”

You may relate to the dilemma and pain of creating a new relationship… you may feel like:

    • You don’t know what you want in a relationship
    • You don’t believe you deserve rights within a relationship
    • You may believe chemical attraction is meeting your needs, without evaluating who the man truly is
    • You may have no idea how to ascertain whether or not someone wants what you want, or has values aligned with yours
    • You might be terrified that you could fall in love with someone who is going to hurt you all over again
    • You may be fearful of getting out of a relationship, not wanting to start again, and deciding to settle for second, third or even a hundredth best – but better than ‘no relationship’ huh?


There are Solutions

The good news is everyone is capable of becoming the chooser, and I can show you how.

By making the changes required, I promise you, you will not have to endure these love disappointments ever again. In fact powerfully you can become an attraction force aligned with people who are healthy, safe and loving. In fact, just like Laurie you can have individuals wanting committed and fulfilling relationship literally queuing up to meet you! (Trust me, she never believed, previously, it was possible either!)

I can show you how to:

  • Dig deep within yourself to find exactly what values and needs you desire to create a fulfilling relationship.
  • Step into your deservedness and create strong healthy boundaries so that people that match your values and needs will be attracted to and chosen by you, and ones that are not a match will be easily ignored and discarded.
  • Utilise Law of Attraction techniques allowing you to flow into creating rewarding love experiences like you’ve never experienced!

If you literally dread being alone again this Christmas, or any time in your life that you would like to experience partnership, loyalty, support and connection which you deserve to experiencing every day of the year then please:
Click here to see the offer I made in the Podcast


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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9 Thoughts on How to Choose A Partner That Matches You – An Interview With An Empowered Dater
    Dionne Paige
    December 10, 2011

    Hi Mel,
    Im already working through the first one and will purchase the love creation course on the next few days. The self empowered e course is opening up my world as you know. You are wonderful. thank-you.

    December 11, 2011

    Why do you make it sound as if being single is some kind of curse?! You don’t have to feel “depressed, very sad and in intense emotional pain” if you “don’t have someone special to share” Christmas with. I am single and I am loving EVERY minute of it! And I encounter so many people who perceive being single in a negative way. I was extremely surprised to read your article, because I usually like your thoughts and topics, but this time I could not agree less and not point out how unhealthy the whole picture in your discussion is. And believe me, I do agree with few points, and I don’t think people should be single or any of that extreme. But there is nothing wrong with being single. It is not unhealthy. It is not depleting. If you are single and you feel depressed and sad and in intense emotional pain, check again! These feelings will only intensify with relationship. You can meet the most amazing person and you will not even be able to be with him/her, BECAUSE you can’t even be with yourself. And there are times in life when it is the true wonderful blessing to be single and to enjoy the beautiful moments that life brings to you! For women who are concerned to meet someone “special” I would suggest a great book “why men love bitches” a great read to learn to love yourself and to understand the dynamic of the relationship.

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    December 11, 2011

    Hi Anya,

    I totally agree that it is more than possible to feel completely fulfilled single, and totally endorse the necessity to be and do this. If you listened to the radio show you would realise that there was an enormous emphasis expressed ny myself and Laurie how empowered and whole we felt being single, and during the entire dating process. An Empowered Dater is a lady who desires a relationship, which is a wonderful desire, without the neediness, and the pain of being single – and this is what this entire process is all about, turning that painful, depressed want (which unfortunetly a lot of women have – and I myself had for years before becoming empowered) into a powerful desire coupled with a fulfilled ‘self’. I agree that there is total beauty in being single as there is within being a ‘couple’ (of course) and truly for love to work and be healthy, both people need to have ‘self’ and ‘autonomy’ in order to create a healthy relationship. Anya all of my material is about this!And the eCourse, (both of them) have a ton of preparation and check in points that you need to ‘clear’ before starting dating. There is just as much in the empowering and preparation fo self, before the dating. The last thing I would do is endorse people go out there dating before they have done the work and established where they need to be in themselves and their life, or yes, definetely they would only attract ‘more of that’. I can assure you all of that is covered and facilitated in this offer! It is exactly the journey Laurie took…

    December 12, 2011

    Wonderful Melanie! I am glad to hear this 🙂

    December 12, 2011

    Even though the beginning of your article suggests some other meaning.. It just contradicts the wonderful intentions you planned to convey.

    Amanda Bryen
    December 16, 2011

    Hi Melanie,
    I am 38 years of age and I have just come out of a relationship of 1.5 years and I am not ready to date but for some reason I put my profile on the MSN dating website however couldn’t commit to posting a photo. I would like to meet my life partner and wondered if you are considering a dating website in the near future.


    Amanda Bryen

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    December 16, 2011

    Hi Amanda,

    no I am not considering creating a dating website – because the reality is that there is no ‘outer’ and what I mean by that is there is only one place to become an attraction point for a life partner, and that is within ourself.

    For exmaple when I initially did online dating and was not ‘ready’, not in the right space, still had limiting beliefs about myself, love, men and relationships and had not cleaned up my tendencies for co-dependency and inability to set healthy boundaries, my dating expiences were unpleasant and disappointing to say the least.

    When all of this changed, I started attracting a completely different version of men. Ultimately my life partner Dale, who has just proposed to me (he is totally everything that is my truth) had the ‘feeling’ to look on a dating site one night that I was on (he wasn’t internet dating) and bingo the rest is history.

    My greatest advice to you is to do the inner work, and then when you’re ready internet date, and don’t do it beforehand.

    This is why I created this offer, in this blog, for people to grant them exactly the healing, understanding, tools and learning to get finding and creating True Love sorted!

    This is so much more powerful than starting an internet dating service. Because when you are in your truth, deservedness and aligned he will come…until then we only met and create where we are still at – regardless of what dating site you are on, or who is on it.

    I hope this helps clarify.

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    December 16, 2011

    And just to clarify – maybe you meant ‘dating website’ as ‘dating information’….. not sure, but I’m sure my answer is relevant anyway….

    January 18, 2012

    Seriously mangled self belief takes time to recover. I admit to never knowing how to find or choose a good man. It appears to still come down to “Holding down a F/T job and not being into drugs or heavy drinking/smoking”, this is the extent. Any other negatives or variables and I cross them off my mental list. Without even trying I found alot of men suddenly getting interested who had questionable psychology, doubtful social responsibility or ridiculously unacceptable physical boundaries on a first date. I rejected them all in the last 6 months. Still live by myself with no visitors. Occasionally find myself suddenly wondering “if” relating to the horrible situations I found myself in that caused me complete emotional distress and led to what now may be Adrenal fatigue from stress and fear over 2 years. I bought 2 birds and am still surprised by how accepting and responsive they are to me. Its been a slow rebuild, but will be worth it.

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