Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Recognise The 5 Types Of Trauma Bonding

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 6
54
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

This is the thing …

You KNOW you need to stay away ….

You KNOW things aren’t getting better …

Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you.

And maybe, even if you have been able to pull away because you know you simply can’t survive any more abuse, you can’t stop wanting to go back in.

Is this because you still love him or her? Is it because it’s unfinished business? Or is there something far deeper and more primal and powerful going on?

I believe it is the latter and this is what this Thriver TV episode is all about – the deep, insidious, deadly ties that occur with narcissists.

Ones that don’t just bind us emotionally to them – but create an almost inseparable connection throughout our entire Being – physiologically, chemically and cellularly.

And until we realise the truth of this – what is going on and how to heal from this – we may feel powerless to disconnect and have an abuse free and successful life.

In this Thriver TV episode, you will learn what these 5 types of Trauma Bonding are, how they happen and how to break truly free from them.

Do you recognise this trauma bonding within you?

I’d love you to share your experience, what you now understand and if you feel the hope that you can break free from this.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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54 Thoughts on How To Recognise The 5 Types Of Trauma Bonding
  • cheffsta@yahoo.com'
    findinghappy37
    June 17, 2017

    Tiiiigggyyyyyyy <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi finding happy.

      He is so adorable – loves creating his own Tiggy TV!

      Mel xo

      • Coles_hd@yahoo.co.uk'
        Hayley
        June 23, 2017

        Thank you so much for your generous heart and time to share your insights they have been a big help in me confirming what I was realising.

        Melanie I have a question and you may have covered this already but I had a fairly weird childhood emotionally it’s not until lots of work I realise this before I thought it was normal. As in my mother was very critical and had tantrums or gave the silent treatment, my Dad was stressed and shouted st me lots, then my brother was critical and the other had moments of violence and much older than me …

        I’ve been told by many I’m an empath but I have got angry or hit out when really pushed or had a few too many drinks – I won’t go there now – does it mean I’m narcissistic too?

        Thanks
        Hayley

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          June 24, 2017

          Hi Hayley,

          Narcissism is unconsciousness, when we are not willing to embrace and heal our wounds and hold everyone else responsible for them.

          We are all wounded, we all react. The real question is: Are we prepared to meet and heal our traumas in order to change ourselves and our lives regardless of who abused us, and what our traumas consist of?

          If we are – we are not narcissistic.

          I hope this helps.

          Mel xo

          • Faeone@hotmail.co.nz'
            Kate Bowden
            June 30, 2017

            Hi Melanie,
            This reply really helps me. I still wonder at times… is it me? Am I the narc? But then I do another module of narp and feel totally different. It truly is one of the best things I have ever found in my life x I am so very grateful for your brilliant insight
            Kate

  • Debramay27@gmail.com'
    Debra
    June 17, 2017

    Great episode, Melanie, a logical explanation of something is is NOT logical! Thank you! You are a pioneer to help me and others reclaim our souls and live the lives we were meant to live. Your thriver self-healing modules are helping me so much!

    You are an angel on earth!

    Love, love, love,

    Debra

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Debra,

      you are so welcome and I am so thrilled my work and NARP has been able to help you so much!

      Mel xo

  • Vanikabansal@gmail.com'
    Vb
    June 17, 2017

    Thank you Mel for this important episode. Thriver quantum work really is unparalleled in its depth and effect.Lots of love & light.
    You are such an inspiration.❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Vb,

      it’s my pleasure.

      Thank you for your lovely words and I am so pleased the Quantum Way works for you.

      Mel xo

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    June 17, 2017

    Hi Melanie
    Trauma bonding is so relevant to my experiences in relationships in my life. I worry for my child and his understanding of relationships/his dynamic with me.
    Do you think the peptide addiction can be transferred on to your child if you are in a relationship to a narcissist and displaying those symptoms yourself. My son has daily or more than daily rages – sometimes from zero/calm to high in moments out of the blue, and I wonder if its because I have been experiencing those manic moments so much myself? Can he heal from them just by me healing myself or does he need some healing work himself?
    Also if you have always been involved with narcissistic behaviour since childhood and addicted to those peptides for a long time is it normal to experience a flat empty feeling – almost catatonic when you remove yourself at first? How do you get your feelings of energy and joy back or experience them for the first time with out looking for external source for happy feelings- how long does it take after the initial panic and pain has been dealt with but your on to the core deeper issues…? This is leading me to be drawn back to contact with narc as it’s like there is nothing left of me once i slow down enough to really feel the truth, and feel very alone. It feels like we are the only ones who can accept or understand each other at our core. I find sometimes doing a module leaves me up in energy and more positive but sometimes it leaves me more down and depressed if it is taking me to some core truths – the emotions stay with after. So I am more overwhelmed, then allow contact with Narc to cope.

    I also find it difficult to stay focused for the full 140 minutes or so… I lose focus as my mind starts to wander. I try things like playing gentle solfreggio tones in the background or drawing with colour crayons as I listen to stay alert, but it’s like my mind can only handle so much at once and needs to take breaks – plus it takes me longer to access the information at times so I pause …does it still work to do it in two parts at different times? Or does this reduce it’s effectiveness.

    Many thanks for your commitment to this work,
    Sophie x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Sophie,

      absolutely trauma gets passed on – but please know the healing of ourselves and our children does not lie in “understanding” – meaning trying to work it all out cognitively.

      How true healing happens is when we work with Quantum Tools that release trauma out of our cells, and literally what then happens is this … our children organically shift with us.

      This is the way that all of us Thrivers heal ourselves, in order to help our children – and then there is nothing to “work out”, rather it “just happens”.

      Please read / watch my resources in regard to our children. All you need to do is google my name + children and they will come up.

      The latest ones on the topic of our children that I did with Devon really vitally demonstrate to you the most impactful positive work when can do on our children … how when using the NARP Program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp you have the power to shift out your trauma from you, as well as any regarding your child, and then by proxy shift your child’s specific trauma directly from their being as well.

      Here is this two part series:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FWHrox6a24&t=49s&list=UUtIVcBdfm2hZGd0V0tEFtxw&index=6

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrfzdarWRTE&index=4&list=UUtIVcBdfm2hZGd0V0tEFtxw

      The changes in Devon and her son as a result of doing so, have been nothing short of miraculous (as they are for all of us who do the work at this level) and continue as we speak.

      I hope this helps grant you hope and direction Sophie.

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Harlyngirl@yahoo.com'
    Robyn
    June 17, 2017

    Aloha Melanie

    I look forward to reading your emails ..
    Thank you for sharing all your tools AN experience
    With us .I have grown AN learned so much about my self from your videos.. for the past 6 years I always wondered how could I live an love a person who can’t say sorry!!!!!
    And who’s love has conditions!!I Thanks to your emails I now know it’s not love but my inner traumas..And mostly I can only change myself !!
    XOXOXO

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Robyn,

      It’s my pleasure Dear Lady!

      How wonderful you know that the power lies within you – and will become your True Self and Life when you heal these traumas!

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Andrearaasch@aol.com'
    Florida Rae
    June 17, 2017

    Loved this Melanie!!

    #3 is so relevant to me. I can see how I get hooked through intermittent reinforcement where I’m hanging on for the morsel of goodness/attention. Because I never know when it’s going to come, it keeps me obsessively attentive and in a vicious cycle of disappointment, confusion, rejection, and loneliness. When I get the goodness/attention it’s like “ahhhhhh. This feels amazing. What was I so freaked out about before? He really does care!” Only when it goes back to the disrespect/de-valuing, I’m right back to square one, an anxious confused mess waiting for the next sign of goodness. Also, when the good morsel comes, I start to minimize the bad behavior and doubt myself and actually think I’m being too sensitive/needy/over-reactive/perfectionistic which hooks me back in. I can also see how I make the other person larger than life, as if I’m lucky to have their morsels.

    I’m no longer interested in giving away my power, though. In just a few short weeks, your work has been tremendously healing and cathartic. The quanta freedom healing has given me an inner calm that helps me see the other person, our dance, and myself so clearly. I no longer see an all-powerful-can’t-live-without-him-he’s up there and I’m down here person, but a flawed human being who cannot give me the connecting experience my soul craves but who has been a wonderful teacher nonetheless. Focusing on myself and healing my deep wounds through a method other than intellectualizing/cognitive strategies is a game changer. I can feel it energetically. Even when I look at him now, there’s not an obsessive pull. It’s more like “hmm….what was ever really the big deal?” It will make cutting the umbilical that much easier.

    Love that your meow meow ? joined the conversation!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Florida,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you.

      How wonderful you have a really clear awareness about this now.

      That is so wonderful that you are already shifting so much – SO happy for you 🙂

      I adore the level of wisdom that is already glowing up and out from within you – you are TOTALLY on the right track! And you are so right, that when we get out of our head and start doing the work in our body that is exactly how and why we start to heal.

      Much love to you … from me and Tiggy!

      Mel xo

    • barbfisco@gmail.com'
      BARBARA FISCO (BARB)
      June 28, 2017

      be very wary. get out now. i wasted the best years of my life with a textbook narcissist. i only just found this great gal melanie now. i was married to him for 37 years, expecting change. gave him 2 beautiful children whom he also tried to destroy. there is no hope for these people – they are vampires of the soul. good luck, sincerely, barb (new member)

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    June 17, 2017

    Great episode. Thank you, Melanie!

  • danieladinca2007@yahoo.com'
    Dani
    June 17, 2017

    Dear Mel,

    God bless you!

    I recognize all of them in my soul , some are powerfull, some a little lighter…but I do have all the ties…if not even more…

    May God help all to heal!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      HI Dani,

      so many blessings to you too.

      How wonderful when we know they are there, because we CAN go in and release them.

      Holding the space for your spectacular healing and emergence of your True You!

      Mel xo

  • Pckr98@hotmail.com'
    P
    June 18, 2017

    This is so helpful. I have been with my narcissist for 2 years now. The abuse is uncanny. I am terrified if I don’t get out what the out come may be. There are no resources here for this type of abuse so I am grateful for your blog. This is the 6th time we have split. I am weary and tired. I can’t thank you enough for the information as it makes me feel less crazy, and hopeful that I will get out and recover. But getting out is key now. Thank you for all that you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi P,

      I am so pleased it has helped …

      I wish you all the best to get out of the hell, and into your self and healing.

      It’s your time – enough is enough.

      Mel xo

  • glgaul25@gmail.com'
    Georgia
    June 18, 2017

    This was great information. It was nice that you put all the types together in one video. I have probably gone through all of the 5 types to various degrees. Cognitive Dissonance has always been a big type for me, and even though I know logically I am making excuses, it is so hard to separate the emotion from the logic. Thanks for all your love and direction.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Georgia,

      Thank you -and I am so pleased it resonated with you.

      The thing with cognitive dissonance is “the head follows the body” – whenever we have embedded traumas and beliefs our mind will always come up with “excuses” to agree with the painful trauma – to keep us living IT.

      When we start doing the inner shift work (NARP) then the brain follows the body – the trauma is released and all our excuses / justifications melt away.

      (Our brain neuron net immediately lets go of old path-ways and shifts to form new ones.)

      Then we truly wonder how we ever thought those thoughts.

      You are so welcome Georgie, and I hope what I just wrote you makes sense and explains to you why these thoughts are so persistent and tricky!

      You are not going mad – you just need to heal 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Hair_pro@hotmail.com'
    Kellie
    June 18, 2017

    GREAT video Mel!

    I’m a narper.

    It has changed and saved my life.

    Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 18, 2017

      Hi Kellie,

      Thank you! That is wonderful you enjoyed it!

      I am so happy for you that NARP had burst you through to the other side!

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • pk.simpson@bigpond.com'
    Kate
    June 18, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Such incredible wisdom and acknowledgement. Most people don’t understand this form of abuse. After all mine is super charming to everyone…..
    Breast cancer saved me and I am well and free now.
    Any tips on mediation with a narc…..cut my losses and run or stand up to him and go to court?
    So grateful to have your insight into healing and stepping back into my power.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 19, 2017

      Hi Kate,

      thank you for your lovely post.

      That is so true thats sometimes that “wake up call” is what does save us. I am so please it was a blessing for you 🙂

      If you google my name + narcissist + court you will find information regarding what can help you with mediation and other aspects of what you re going through.

      All in all, the most powerful thing we can do is keep shifting out our trauma, bringing in wellbeing and showing up as a True Self, because that is what renders narcissist more and more powerless and attracts / generates with you all that you need to Thrive.

      You are so welcome and I am so pleased I could help.

      Mel xo

  • casting@sasharobertson.com'
    Sash Robertson
    June 19, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    This is so interesting and as ever so timely. I have been trying to have no contact which is very difficult with two teenage children who stay with us both and we live very near each other and have many friends in common.

    I found myself so pulled to him this weekend and for the first time in weeks allowed us to have many discussions over the weekend. I know, if I am honest, that I was yet again hoping and craving for accountability and some form of recognition. I also could not understand how and why I am still so attracted to him and so happy to be around him even though he is attacking, blaming and taking no responsibility for anything. I have been doing NARP for a while (bit not as often as I would like) and for the first time, I could stand back and see it more clearly for what it was and I think I handled him slightly differently (we were married for 20 years) but I still had to ask myself why I was even discussing everything with him again when logically I knew it would get me nowhere.

    It just caused me more pain and hurt and anguish. I’ve just got home and watched your video and it explains to me so well what is going on here.

    What was the newsletter you mentioned?

    Shall I just keep on with NARP? I so want to get well and I know I am moving in the right direction but also know that I am still so hooked and this is year 3 of separation!

    Thank you for all you do. You are a life saver and make so much sense out of this. So grateful ! Sash xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 19, 2017

      Hi Sash,

      that is great that you are being honest about what is going on for you – INSIDE of you … because that is what needs to shift for it all to shift.

      To do that, lovely lady, it is about picking up NARP, working the Modules and targeting exactly those feelings, then you will break free to the next level. Trying to resolve it logically and remaining stuck in it, doesn’t shift it or change it for you.

      Self-devoted Modulling is my highest suggestion for you!

      The newsletter is the New Life subscription: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

      You are so welcome Sash, you’ve got this 🙂

      Mel xo

  • rajapetnavitha@yahoo.com'
    Navitha
    June 19, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    I appreciate and adore you so much for all your dedication to help people recover from such high levels of trauma.i could relate precisely with the trauma bonding you have spoken of.i had gone through intense subtle deathly abuse for almost 3 years in college by a close friend and suffered with every aspect of my life.it was severe abuse but none believed me,because the narc and her allies had a totally adorable,popular and charming image.you were the first person to show the light,to give hope that there is a way out -THAT TOO COMPLETELY out of abuse.the after effects and losses are definitely there.But the most beautiful thing is that I’ve realised that my happiness or sense of freedom is only within me and has nothing to do with the narc doing or not doing anything.thank you Melanie ..Thank you so so so much for being there….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 19, 2017

      Hi Navitha,

      awww I always love the word “adore” it has so much heart in it!!

      I just know you are breaking free Dear Lady into your awakening and your True Self.

      Many blessings to you!

      Mel xo

  • eileen.white8@gmail.com'
    Eileen Olsen
    June 19, 2017

    I’m a science teacher. If there was a way to figure out the abuse I received, I would have done it. Here you are brilliantly teaching me what was going on. My children recognized I needed help and tried to get me into counseling. I did not see it…as you say, because the spiritual disease I had resulted from subconscious responses to what I now know represented the effects of all 5 types of Trauma Bonding. I thought a divorce would end the wounding. That was easy compared to the required inner work I’m actively engaged in. I’m committed to ending all addictions…even to refined sugar! Thanks, Mel. You and your techniques are a gift from God.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 19, 2017

      HI Eileen,

      i totally agree – all of us intelligent people would have! It is not a “mind workout” thing!

      I am SO thrilled for you Eileen that you are engaged in the inner work – how glorious …

      Thank you for your beautiful words, and it is my pleasure 🙂

      Mel xo

  • stellann@live.co.uk'
    Stella
    June 21, 2017

    After leaving a alcoholic abusive narcicist husband I did not realise I was as addicted as he was but to him
    Trying to save my marriage and children , trauma bonds etc are very powerful Thankyou Melanie I love all your videos they are so helpful in keeping me strong after a 2 year court case

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 22, 2017

      Hi Stella,

      they certainly are.

      You are so welcome Dear Lady and I am so pleased that my material is helping you.

      Mel xo

  • bsher008@me.com'
    Blair Sherwood
    June 21, 2017

    I’m stuck again. Its been 1 1/2 months NC and I was doing so good and then I saw him and his new girlfriend at an event. I didn’t talk to him but I made sure that he saw me so he can see how much happier and healthier I am without him. It was a little over-the-top but nothing too out of the ordinary for my character. It wasn’t fake at the time but now I feel like I took 10 steps back just from seeing him in person. They look so happy together, like we did in the beginning. I’m stuck back in cognitive dissonance. I know it’s the worst thing in the world for me but I just want to be able to talk to him. I won’t do it no matter what but the desire is keeping me in a state of insecurity again. I keep going back to the thought that what if this is the woman that he finally turned his life around for…. those feelings of not being good enough are trying to creep back up just from seeing him…..ugh ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 22, 2017

      Hi Blair,

      it is so true that when we still have unhealed trauma in our body – that the narcissist triggered off for us – that we still will have life turning up in “a way” that reignites that trigger.

      Please know Blair that at the Quantum True Level of Life … life is always happening “for us” and not “to us”.

      You have identified the feelings that got triggered – and these are ones that many Thrivers had until we deeply inwardly healed them … “I am not good enough to be truly loved.”

      I promise you … this is a “call out” from within you, for you to turn inwards, do the inner work. To find and release the traumas associated to this (and any others that are still trapped within you) – and when you do that, I promise you that you could bump into him with a super-model on his arm and have NO charge whatsoever.

      You would feel only relief, gratitude and freedom. Those feelings aren’t something we can just “fake”. We either have them or we don’t – and if we have done the inner healing work then those feelings just “are”.

      That is how we know we are healed, and this is such a beautiful day when we get to experience that!

      The greater, and even further reaching truth is that you (as per being triggered by him) have the opportunity to evolve yourself from these young wounds (which originated in childhood), in order to put yourself on a trajectory where you are available and ready to be loved by healthy people who are capable (like your newly evolved self) of loving themselves and loving another wholesomely.

      That is the work, Dear Lady .. that is the gift.

      I’d love you to come into my free workshop to find out HOW to do the work and heal this – and the most direct and powerful way possible.

      Whenever we are still in pain – it means it’s TIME to do this.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • copeland.henrietta@yahoo.co.uk'
    Hen
    June 21, 2017

    Mel, Thank you for this…I think this particular video might just be the thing that releases me from the shame of getting caught up in the relationship in the first place and not walking when I saw the warning signs (within the first week, of course!). A bit of self-forgiveness. Very nice! Thanks.

    To any newbies on the site, I want to say that 2 years ago I was a complete and utter wreck with zero self esteem. I now feel amazingly free and happy just being me and living my life. This site and all Mel’s blog posts and videos etc played a HUGE part in that recovery. Stick with it, she’s ace, her advice is ace and you WILL get there!! Good luck to you all 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 22, 2017

      Hi Hen,

      it’s my pleasure! Self-forgiveness is such a beautiful warm fuzzy feeling. SO important when we learn how to self-partner and love ourselves back to wholeness.

      Thank you for your lovely endorsement.

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  • sarahaxt46@gmail.com'
    Sarah
    June 23, 2017

    Melanie,

    What an honour to let you know what your journey and work has done for me. You literally saved my life and in turn, my 2 young boys lives too. My journey is almost identical to yours and when I found you at random (after looking up narcissist on the internet) I just listened to video after video of yours and cried. I knew what was happening to me, that I wasn’t alone and that there was a way out of my hell.

    I am now a proud NARP Member and am working through the QFH’s to my own self love and freedom.

    You are SUCH a light and beautiful person. Heal on and thrive!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 24, 2017

      HI Sarah,

      I am so thrilled I have been able to help you and your boys.

      Aww gorgeous lady, it is so beautiful to have you as a part of this wonderful Community!

      Mel xo

  • ddfrogprincess@yahoo.com'
    Dee Dee
    June 23, 2017

    Melanie I want to say Thank You for all the hard work you put into the NARP program. It has helped me so much! I know it’s helping many others as well and I’m so grateful for you, your experience and your willingness to turn your trauma into helping others HEAL.
    I was abused by my narc Mother and just broke contact with her for the 2nd time a few months ago. I have been doing much better this time around. I have been doing the healing module 1 over and over. I’m also doing a lot of other spiritual work as well and have felt really free and awesome on some days. The reason I’m reaching out to you today is because I have slid backwards in the last few days because of comments that were made to me on Father’s Day by my Grandfather and Father. My Dad expressed that I should really call my Mom and without too many words let me know he knew she was hurting. My Grandfather’s words touched a nerve even more when he said ” I spoke to your Mother and she is in so much pain, if you would just reconnect with her that would be really great”. UGH!!! If she was not my Mom but an X boyfriend or X husband my family would be supporting me to protect myself and do what is right for me. But because she is my Mother and she goes to the rest of my family with her victim act….they all want to throw me under the bus to save her. I know I am not responsible for causing her pain just because I choose to protect myself from her but when I have not only my mom to deal with but others doing her bidding for her it’s tough. I have repeatedly tried to make my family members understand and to respect my boundaries but I don’t think they have the capacity to truly understand the situation. It’s not just the Father figures in my life, it’s others as well. I feel like I have to separate myself from my whole family to get the distance I need to heal. If my Grandfather knew how much hearing about her pain sets me back in my healing journey he would have never mentioned it. I did tell email him afterwards and tried to make my boundaries more clear. So for the last week or so since Father’s day those words are haunting me. “Your Mother is in so much pain”. Like that’s my fault. I keep repeating that I am not responsible for her happiness. Any suggestions? Besides continuing with my work….how do I not let other family member’s ignorance cause me set backs? And how do I truly stop feeling resonsponsble for my mom’s pain? It also makes me feel unloved by my family that they don’t care what’s best for me and want me to save my mom even if that costs me my happiness. Part of me knows that her behavior is upsetting to them too and they just want me back in her life so that she is no longer their problem. …which also makes me feel they don’t really care what is best for me.
    Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 24, 2017

      Hi Dee Dee,

      I am so pleased NARP has helped you so much 🙂

      Keep NARPing dear lady – every trigger they send you is the opportunity to come closer and closer into your True and glorious self.

      Mel xo

  • staples5659@yahoo.com'
    Melinda Staples
    June 24, 2017

    I watched your video and can totally see my daughter’s trauma in all this. This is exactly how she describes so much of what she’s going through. She had a narc boss and we are dealing with devastating effects of much abuse in all forms. She’s out of the situation but still has occasional contact because of these addictive bondings. I got her signed up with the NARP program and she’s seen some of the videos.

    My question is: you alluded to the fact that these trauma bondings can be overcome but you didn’t say how. She’s been working with an energy healer for the past few months plus going through your modules. Can you direct me to the best way for her to actually get out of this addiction? Is there a certain module that deals with this area more specifically? We’ve been working on healing her and she’s come a long way, but it’s so heartbreaking to hear her cries for help when she’s spiraled down. I’d like to help her find relief the best way and I figured you would know what topic would help her heal and recover the best.

    I hope my question made sense. We’ve been with her the whole journey and I can see there is hope at the end but some days the end still seems so far away. This video really hit me and I want to help her even more.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      June 24, 2017

      HI Melinda,

      working the NARP Modules is the way to relate and heal the trauma.

      It is with Quanta Freedom Healing (which is what the NARP Modules are) that us Thrivers all freed ourselves of the trauma.

      Is your daughter in the NARP Forum? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member … because it is there that we can help support her in how to work with NARP to get the best results.

      I really want you to know Melinda, that as her mother your healing is essential too – so that you can have lest angst about her journey and be the shining light that draws her up and into your solidness.

      As parents it is essential that we lead the way. I’d love to google my name + children and you will see many publications I have created on this topic.

      Mel xo

  • Cedella1kenyon@gmail.com'
    Sydney
    June 26, 2017

    Hi Melanie

    I am actually really scared writing this post as I fear being judged and do not really feel anyone understands me. I have been trying to do a lot of work on healing myself from my 23 year relationship with my narciasit. I have physically stopped contact with this man for the past three weeks. I have not made contact even on a few special occasions that I would normally never miss such as birthdays and Father’s Day. My question is how do I get rid of the guilt of feeling like I have let him down I have chosen to walk away when he is at a low point in his own life being incarsarated however I feel as if I don’t end this relationship now I will probably die. This does not stop me from feeling really guilty as he relied on me a lot and always said people will leave him when he is down I feel like a terrible person and friend to leave someone that is at a low place but he does not seem to understand the damage he has caused me. I just feel so guilty

  • Marciblank@me.com'
    Marci
    June 27, 2017

    Is there a way to gets transcripts of this or other thrivent tv episodes, or is it available in article form?

  • barbfisco@gmail.com'
    BARBARA FISCO (BARB)
    June 28, 2017

    I JUST SIGNED UP TODAY. AFTER SEEING SOME OF YOUR WRITINGS AND A COUPLE OF VIDEOS. (SORRY FOR THE “ALL CAPS” I AM NOT A TYPIST AND ITS EASIER FOR ME). YOU ARE QUITE OBVIOUSLY LOVELY AND CALM, WELL-SPOKEN AND I AM SO GLAD TO MEET YOU. I AM STUCK IN A MISERABLE MARRIAGE AND BUSINESS WITH A NARCISSIST AND WE HAVE 2 CHILDREN. (NOW ADULTS) I STOPPED LOVING HIM A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO AND RECENTLY BEGAN TO CUT OUT PARTICIPATING IN THINGS WITH HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. HE NOTICED THE NON-PARTICIPATION AND STATED , IN TRUE NARCISSISTIC FORM THAT I AM : “AN UNHAPPY PERSON” AND THAT I “HAVE CHANGED”. IN OTHER WORDS – HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT I AM NOT THERE AT HIS BECK AND CALL, FOR EVERY MOMENT OF HIS LIFE. …FUNNY, SPIRITUALLY (KARMA?) THAT I CAME UPON YOUR SITE IN MY BOOKMARKS WHILE LOOKING FOR A RECIPE. IT MUST HAVE BEEN AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR A YEAR AGO THAT I HAD SAVED IT. WELL, I AM READY NOW BECAUSE SIMPLY NOT DOING THINGS WITH HIM IS NOT GOING TO HANDLE THIS SCENE! SO, I WILL BE WATCHING YOUR FIRST FREE WEBSHOW TOMMOROW. THANK-YOU FOR CARING, SINCERELY, BARB

  • kgwoods52@gmail.com'
    Kit
    July 15, 2017

    Wow. This clarified some deep points for me. I am recovering from abuse from someone in a leadership position, yet the more I work through your program, Melanie, the more I recognize patterns in me going back to childhood. I am taking TIME to treat myself right, to examine the wounds, embrace them, and heal them, filling that space with self-love. “Self-love.” I almost laugh, it’s such a cliche, and I never knew how to “do” it…until you taught me. Thank you.

    Also, because the current narcissist abuse has been in a work-related environment, I have had difficultly going no contact. So many justifications for why I “have” to stay…until now. I am putting myself first.

    Thank you.

  • lltadonphillios@hotmail.com'
    Lori
    July 19, 2017

    I’m at my wits end. My sister, whom is also my best friend, was married to a complete and total N and I believe boarderline psychopath, for 23 years. After years of abuse verbally and emotional and financial, they divorced. She was a wreck!! I mean literally break down wreck! She got out, got divorced and boom! Two months later, she’s back with him and has completely isolated her entire family (outside of the N abd their grown children)!
    We did everything we knew to help her! I don’t believe there’s anything else we can do! She’s made her decision abd it’s devastating bc I know he’s still abusing her! I guess my question is, how do I heal from it too? Our parents are devastated too! The N turned their children against us too! It was causing strife in my marriage, my children sensed my stress and sadness for my sister!
    Thank you for your articles and videos! I watch them and keep educating myself about narcissism.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 19, 2017

      HI Lori,

      it is devastating seeing people we love stuck in narcissistic clutches … it feels so helpless.

      Yet … please know that healing ourselves is not just empowering for us, it is also for the people we love – including those being abused.

      Where our energy goes – theirs can follow. We are also about to do specific Quanta Freedom Healings on people we care about – to help them shift.

      Please come into my free workshop – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar you will learn so much about healing you / healing them.

      Mel xo

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