Melanie Tonia Evans

Shifts Happen – How To Create Healthy Boundaries That Don’t Push People Away

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

This episode with Bren is such an important one, because it covers a very important topic that can happen to us as adults when we have experienced so much violation in our life.

A tendency to overdo boundaries

Where we are quick to defend and protect ourselves, and even though it means we may not get taken in and down anymore … we can end up suffering the disappointment of separation and loneliness, and not being able to have deep connections with others.

This was what Bren wanted to address, so that she could be safe and in her Feminine Power in effective ways that worked to fulfil her goals of personal truth and healthy connection with others.

 

I am so happy to share this very important Quanta Freedom Healing with you – because I know how this can be such a confusing topic in our life – how to be safe whilst generating loving and healthy heart connections.

I would love you to join in on this healing, if you know it relates to you, and as always I look forward to answering your contents and questions below.

Also please note I would love you to join me in my next upcoming Free Webinar Group – where I work personally with you … teaching you Quanta Freedom Healing processes, and how to heal the deep traumas that have been unconsciously generating painful relationships…

So that you can go free into the live and life that you truly deserve.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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58 Thoughts on Shifts Happen – How To Create Healthy Boundaries That Don’t Push People Away
  • barecoverynetwork@gmail.com'
    Ruthie Grace
    November 7, 2016

    I got your newsletter on this and immediately knew it was for me. This is exactly where I’m at in my recovery and exactly where I’ve needed help. Thank you so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi Ruthie,

      I am so pleased my information has helped.

      It’s my pleasure dear lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jennifermchase@yahoo.com'
    Jeffifer
    November 7, 2016

    I’ve worked quite a bit on the pain and fear, but I must admit I have not worked on judgement and when you said it I was struck hard. Thinking about judgement and how toxic it has been to carry it inside me, I have tears rolling down my face. I have clearly found the focus for my next NARP session.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi Jeffifer,

      It is so incredible when things do “strike” and we just KNOW – this one is next to release for me to heal.

      Great work and bless you.

      Mel xo

  • marzenajones@gmail.com'
    Marzena
    November 7, 2016

    there is no video – “it has been rmoved by the User”

  • lorenedoucette@gmail.com'
    Lorene
    November 7, 2016

    This is the very thing I need right now and the video doesn’t work !!!!! 🙁

  • wopla@gmx.com'
    Miba
    November 7, 2016

    Synchronicity.

    This came at the right time for me. Admittedly, this one’s still hard for me. Still trying to find that balance.

    I liked the word ‘pulverised’ in the e-mail. That one really spoke to me (and it has caught my attention before). I believe there’s a past life connection here – in my case (I keep getting a flash from a cannonball). Perhaps I was killed that way.

    No wonder there’s a subconscious fear of being pulverised lodged inside of me, hahaha :). That theme has surfaced before as well.

    I feel like this one’s going to be a fun one (regardless of any uncomfortable feelings that may come up). I’ve shifted enough of the muck that was in the way to finally get to this one.

    Synchronicity feels good!

    (will report back later, once the vid is up)

    • ivatijan@gmail.com'
      Bondon
      November 7, 2016

      Hi Miba 🙂 🙂 Just wanted to send some love your way. Oh, guess what – I saw the video at 2:30 AM, and IT IS AMAZING!!! I’ve already shifted with Bren.

      • wopla@gmx.com'
        Miba
        November 8, 2016

        Hello Countess 😉

        Lucky you, I’m envious. I want to join in on the fun too.

        Still no access to video here.

        I love these shifts. So much more fun. It allows for some variation (which I’m in dire need of).

      • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
        Bren
        November 11, 2016

        Hi Bondon,….I feel it too ..it took about a week for everything to consolidate
        Im doing this again as I watch it ….glad it helped. Very powerful shifts for me. I feel more spacious within.

  • christine.compston@gmail.com'
    C
    November 7, 2016

    Please will you let us know when this is up and running again. Thanks

  • angelapearson54@yahoo.com'
    Aj
    November 8, 2016

    I have some boundaries but I am atacked when my husband is not there.

  • Heidramsey@icloud.com'
    HR
    November 8, 2016

    Can’t wait to see this because I am sure this is exactly where I am! I feel as though being so quick to react and outspoken mostly occurs with the narc in my life as I am usually non-confrontational. However I see this reactive behavior as a potential block to the loving, fulfilling relationships I fully expect (and want!) in my future.
    It seems I am carrying a lot of anger which is not the true “me”. No doubt I will benefit from this video.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi HR,

      it is so wonderful when we can become “boundaries with grace.”

      When our wounds are resolved that is so possible.

      Mel xo

      • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
        JC
        November 11, 2016

        I found one way to develop Yin is by listening to waterfalls and the wind.

    • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
      JC
      November 11, 2016

      Spending time alone, in nature … sitting on rocks, or the ground … in a tree?

      Close your eyes and focus on your other senses. In my experience, this does a lot for finding inner peace and calm. Go alone or take a friend with the same intention.

      Later, whenever you get angry, all you have to do is take 3 deep breaths and remember whatever place you found that is your favorite.

      It helps me, and this time it helps me to share 🙂

  • Trueslayer34@gmail.com'
    Robert Seamus Andrews
    November 8, 2016

    Had my first shift Sunday gone. I feel better, still have heavy heart but I didn’t cry on my way to work this morning. I would like to do this shift.
    I have lost absolutely everyone who was my life!
    My Wife even went as far as making sure I lost my job! God feeds me like he feeds the bird’s.!!!///***
    The only friends I have is on Facebook.
    From all around the world.
    On fb book I know I look cracked, and I don’t care because I miss my Beautiful children!
    I caught her red handed that’s when my nightmare started! Now I see it started from the Start!
    17years of Loving a woman who didn’t love me!
    See that doesn’t hurt as much anymore.
    Thanks everyone!

  • Sarah7183876523@gmail.com'
    Sarah stein
    November 8, 2016

    Please email us when the video is up and running

    Thanks

  • warrenbrubacher@email.com'
    WJBMotown
    November 9, 2016

    The video will not open for me today. Hopefully it will soon……The timing for this is perfect and
    I cannot wait to see it. Others seem to be having the same problem as well.
    Patiently waiting
    Mel…your worth waiting for…big time
    lotsaluv

    • fortunejoy@outlook.com'
      JESS M
      November 9, 2016

      AWESOME Bren! You have been Such a Gift to Me and All of Us. And Mel of course. That Male energy that abused others-I Felt it. It Was Me once…my fighting with others and life. This is the Start for me.-on a Very different level..no more story for me…Straight to it! Blessings and Huge HUGE Thanks xx p.s. Love ur accent-you are a lovely Special, Powerful Woman.

      • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
        Bren
        November 11, 2016

        Awe Jess my dear fellow Narper…..so happy you found the session helpful. It’s amazing just how much our experiences are similar……this was a biggg shift for me and I’m very happy that by doing this, it has benefitted you and others’ evolution. Much love to you sweet Jess. You have grown so much as I read your posts in the forum. Bless you.❤️❤️❤️??

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    November 9, 2016

    The show is now up everyone –

    I will be back to start answering comments tomorrow!

    Mel xo

    • mmcloughlin1@cox.net'
      Michelle
      November 13, 2016

      This is probably not the right venue for this request but since I am not tech savvy I am sharing my request here ?

      Can you write a blog/article about suggestions on ways to deal with a president who is a narcissist?

      Thanks in advance Melanie!

  • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
    JC
    November 9, 2016

    Hi Melanie,

    I think for the first time in my life I actually bought a bumper sticker. It felt like a highly important bumper sticker. It says “SHIFT HAPPENS” in all uppercase letters. However, it looks like I may have to return this sticker because they got it wrong given your title on this healing. 🙂 Believe me, I’m not a troll like Clarie may think, I just have an odd sense of humor and a tendency to do embarrassing things now and then. :/

    • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
      JC
      November 10, 2016

      Also, I’m now reading Neale Donald Walsh’s book. I go at the pace of about a page or two a day, and for now I like the pace. Thank you for the recommendation, I’m even starting to “tap in.” For example when I often do blog comments on your blog, I always have good intention. But that good intention is often followed by a sense of regret with an equally strong feeling of emotion. It’s not fun, it’s fear. (So I ask myself “what do I need?”) And I seem to want a response from people, especially yourself, Mel. What can I say, I’m speaking as honest as I can here. Perhaps I must learn to detach from the expectation and that is the lesson. Self-support, self-care, self-love is an ongoing challenge even when you think you’ve got it. (I have come a long way). 🙂

      With my issue, I meditated on the question: “What happens when a sense of regret follows 100% good intention?”

      [There was a block before the answer came to me but this is it]

      “You seek an answer outside of yourself.”

      I’m still working on it, still a work in progress. The last few months have been emotional for me, but helpful.

      Thanks again

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi HR,

      it is so wonderful when we can become “boundaries with grace.”

      When our wounds are resolved that is so possible.

      Mel xo

      • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
        JC
        November 10, 2016

        WOW

  • wopla@gmx.com'
    Miba
    November 10, 2016

    Oops, I had posted a comment, but apparently it disappeared (or perhaps I didn’t push the button below).

    Bren, thanks for putting yourself out there. I could feel your pain and wished I could have held your hand while you shifted.

    Good job ladies! ♥

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi Miba,

      so pleased you enjoyed this.

      Bren did SUCH a great job and it’s so lovely you send your love and support!

      Mel xo

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      November 11, 2016

      Hi Miba……thank you dear sweet one…..yep lots of pain but that’s the stuff that I tornado out and one day it will be gone…..whew arnt we so fortunate to have Narp……love and hugs ❤️❤️❤️

  • lorri.henry@yahoo.com'
    selkie
    November 10, 2016

    I love the way you use your breath and arms to clear your container!
    I do a bit of that too.
    I have a lot of these issues too like no one cares so thank you for this Bren and Melanie.
    I will be using it to help clear some stuff too.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi Selkie,

      It’s my pleasure … and am so pleased this helped!

      Mel xo

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      November 11, 2016

      Hi Selkie….thank you for watching…yes I let those arms fly around as I clear….it seems to help move the energy up and out for me.love and hugs❤️❤️❤️

  • mettemulbjerg@hotmail.com'
    Mette Mulbjerg
    November 10, 2016

    Hi Dearest Bren

    Thank you deeply for doing this live healing AND showing your vulnerability like you did. That is soooo couragous as you also shared that doing that is one of your biggest fears <3

    You have so much power in you and a very strong energy and I so get what you feel in relation to this of letting people inside our hearts and letting go of being on guard and defensive or putting on an armor.

    Again thank you and I went through this with you all the way – you are so brave and very connected to yourself all thorugh this healing and the softness inside of you was so visible in your appearance at the end!

    So much Love from Mette <3 <3 <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 10, 2016

      Hi Mette,

      thank you for sending Bren your love … as another darling courageous soul who did a Shifts Happen!

      I love the sister and brotherhood we have amongst NARPers!

      Mel xo

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      November 11, 2016

      Mette…your post here made me weep…..so grateful for it and that my session with Mel was helpful in your healing. Time for me to watch again. Much love to you. Thank you.❤️?

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    November 10, 2016

    Hi Bondon,

    Phew … so happy video issue is sorted and back up now!

    I love the connection you feel with our darling Bren! You two are like soul-sisters!

    That is so wonderful you were able to clear so much with this video Bondon!

    Bless you sweetheart 🙂

    Mel xo

  • jeanjohnson2911@gmail.com'
    Jean
    November 11, 2016

    Oh Boy – Thanks Bren and Mel – this is so me!!!

    • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
      Bren
      November 11, 2016

      Hi Jean….thank tou❤️❤️❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 11, 2016

      Hi Jean,

      I am so pleased this helped, and you are so welcome!

      Mel xo

  • Getmail100@yahoo.com'
    Bren
    November 11, 2016

    Oh Bondon, I so love you…..awesome soul sister……I’m so happy my session with Mel was helpful for your evolution. There are so many layers but thank goodness for Narp. You should do a session, Mels energy and her warmth radiate through Skype. I did not want her to leave and sign off. Thrilled you saw it.
    Cintinue on from strength to strength and that pot of go,d is waiting for us. Much love ❤️. I so appreciate knowing you through Narp. Such a privilege. Hugs Bondon.

  • rtcarroll71@gmail.com'
    Rebecca
    November 12, 2016

    Do you do private sessions?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2016

      Hi Rebecca,

      I haven’t been able to take any new clients for some time.

      I will be opening up some space for very limited new clients soon. I will let the community know when this happens.

      Mel xo

  • mariyaa@hotmail.com'
    Aminath
    November 12, 2016

    Bren,
    Thank you so much for doing this. I joined along in the session and it has helped me so much too. Thank you Melanie your work help so many people. I am going to be doing the divine male session from the Family of origin session tonight.
    Thank you so much

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2016

      Hi Aminath,

      lovely to hear from you dear lady – and you are so welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • vmaclellan1@gmail.com'
    Kismette
    November 12, 2016

    Hello,

    Thank you to both of you for doing this.

    Bren – we are so alike and the responses etc. My struggles have played out in the workplace.

    What has particularly helped me is the “battle” with logic and rationalisation and the inner voice (at the end of the video, which like mine is the most limiting or over critical voice), where Mel said at the end of the recording to take each of those things in to a healing. I was blown away as that is what I have been struggling with and it made me sit bolt upright and cry.

    Also, I loved the juxtaposition of male/female or any two propositions. As I’ve often felt guilt associated with being the “wrong” gender.

    It sounds silly but I had a huge reaction to a recruiter – quizzing me on my experience and the salary I was being offered for a role. I felt all that defensive rage and justification coming out…. I also have this strange sense of I’m running out of time to right a wrong….

    In my case I have a very angry ancient figure with so many issues, that I was terrified to connect too. I could not relate directly to her and you’ve taught me to go there and how to embrace as she is so bitter and twisted and taunts and threatens me. Well if you let go of this… how are you going to survive, you may be a failure/cruel/sad/mentally unwell as X.

    Do keep us posted on your journey…. many many thanks.

    Well done to both of you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2016

      Hi Kismet,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you ….

      And that you have found some very vital keys that you can now simply walk up to … embrace and release.

      Nothing is silly – it is all a gift simply triggering a deep wound we can free ourselves from.

      That is what our freedom is all about.

      Bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • xsbabble@gmail.com'
    Tasha
    November 13, 2016

    Hi Melanie, Hi Bren,

    Bren, I’m a little in love with you …. that was amazing. When you were talking about feeling worthless, I got a huge emotional charge and did that clearing right along with you. Powerful! I also really connected with the idea of being both the abuser and the abused; so interesting. Something there for me to work on in the future.

    Melanie, it was great to see you at work like this. I picture your smiling face when I do the modules alone, but watching this video will make the sessions a little more tangible for me. Magic! Thank you! love, tasha

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2016

      Hi Tasha,

      I am so pleased both Bren and I got to share this with you …

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment 🙂

      Mel xo

  • lenire3@gmail.com'
    iona
    November 13, 2016

    i did this shift along with the blocks one a few days ago. I resonated with the blocks one even more, but i was able to follow this through. the ting i keep running into is a tauma in my body tho and no matter how much i think i found the belief and target it, in these videos and on my own narping i have not been able to remove it from my body and or it keeps popping up in EVERY shift. i do not get images or storys just the feeling very strongly, i do get feelings but on my own i am not able to devise the beliefs, im guessing cause the trauma is so intense in my body. I feel very defeated by this. I start getting beliefs like whats the point, which I was so grateful to hear that in this healing and definatley hope it shifted out some, but the charge usually stays around 9 or 10 in my body of this trauma. I can work a whole module and still have it there. I know my life is really showing me lately that there is more work to be done but I feel very blocked by this, sometimes i wonder if i actually have a heart issue or throat issue or why i constantly feeling like im being suffocated. hence another reason why i felt releived to work on the shift in this one cause that is massive for me. i have lived my last month feeling this way despite the shifts I do . I think it was great that came up in this but its not so comfortable for me to keep this in my body 24/7n and its super discouragin that i cant feel it release some despite my efforts. but when you have a whats the point belief running as part of it I have to admit its been extra challenging to go to the modules, but i effort myself to them anyways, feeling its never enough though after doing it. Again thank you bren for opening up as you can see the beliefs were mine too, and i hope that i can notice a difference after following along. I do still have the charge in me but i know that it was perfect for me to do this. Mel i have not been able to go the forum lately due to how little energy i have. I have been doing the modules but i want you to know I am here and taking in your work every day and your voice and all the other beautiful people who do the shows live. I hope to be able to come on a show soon and maybe get assistance with what seems to be a massive block. Much love and light.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 14, 2016

      Hi Iona,

      First of all I really want to say that the resource of the NARP Forum is so vital for anyone (like yourself) who feels like there is some block with module work.

      Have you asked directly in the Forum about this block?

      Iona, truly, you don’t need to be doing you healing alone – and often it is simply a matter of myself or one of the other Thrivers helping you get your breakthrough and guiding you with what is necessary – that will pop you out of the block and into the other side of it.

      There is quite a waiting list for Shifts Happen, and for that reason this is my highest suggestion for you – I wold love too directly tune into and help you in the Forum get past this stage and into your freedom.

      Because your freedom is there – once you tweak in a way that will release you into it.

      Mel xo

  • gabrielle14@q.com'
    Celine Suchanek
    November 13, 2016

    I know you are a professional and I am not. I have a minor in Social Work and a major in Social Studies. I really need a job and I was wondering if I could be a guest blogger on your site and tell my story about my story about abuse with a narcissistic person? It is hard for me to get a job because it is difficult to get a job because the abuse of my body it is really challenging to get a job. I need a job to be financial independent from my abuser. I am an immigrant from the Netherlands and I was wondering if you would be interested to see this from an immigrant perspective.

  • Emmasanmakeup@gmail.com'
    Emma Berley
    November 15, 2016

    GREAT JOB! It was wonderful to see Bren, and all the powerful shifting. Thank you Bren for putting yourself out there and Mel for all that you do! It was so cute to see you Bren laughing and smiling at the end of the session!!!!!!

  • katbirdmine@gmail.com'
    Serafina
    November 16, 2016

    Wonderful to listen to- God Bless!

  • darcylynnb@hotmail.com'
    Darcy
    November 22, 2016

    Incredibly helpful and deeply appreciated!

  • waverida@hotmail.com'
    Lara
    November 27, 2016

    Fantastic episode Mel & Bren! I feel so grateful to have joined the healing. Resonate with Bren very much. Thank you!

  • nina.stahl26@gmail.com'
    Nina
    February 14, 2017

    Hi, I really be one the vile one, I can’t even listen to your videos because I hate myself so much. I left and came to stay at my mother’s place and am now abusing her. I was never aggressive but real second have been cruel to fellow who was bullied himself as a child then bullied me.

    I have become so interney hooked I don’t want to see anyone. Every night I get aggressive towards my mother. The room is filled with fumes that affect my thinking. I am too sensitive. I can read the feelings of animals, hens, dogs, my cows but I’m stuck in the city. I did some things wrong visiting a tarot reader I’m my distress four years ago and it’s gone to hell since.

    John was aggressive, a hoarder, always shouting at me, claiming to be a passifist. I organised everything despite that he was thirteen years older.

    I think k I needed to write a biography to myself . It’s not the place to burden you here, I can’t write of the atrocities trauma, so what now who cares and what does it help to speak about it any more anyway. Abusing my mother now, it’s a fortu year cover up of pain surviving it making good and then now it surfaces for months of festered ill will because I’m terified of a man and what he has done but it’s my mother’s put down of me…. On the pedestal but tearing down…. And even that is a lie. I’m to blame. It’s my fault.

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    April 24, 2017

    Thank you for this episode, Melanie.

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