Melanie Tonia Evans

The Decision That Makes Everything In Your Life Change – Thriver Show #34 Kerry

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 3
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Kerry’s Thriver Show is so inspirational – and it is wonderful that we were able to do this interview on camera.

Two years ago Kerry was at the lowest point she could ever remember.

Her marriage had ended and her financial state was ruined.

And … devastatingly she thought her dreams of being in a loving relationship, conceiving and becoming a mother were over.

At that time … all she was left with was her broken and traumatised self.

Yet … Kerry made a decision that was going to change her life.

This one …

“I am going to do WHATEVER it takes to have a great life.”

Now today – Kerry has the lot.



Kerry with Shaun, her new loving partner.


I can’t wait to share with you this story!

Please see some notes regarding Kerry’s details below – but also please watch this show as sooooo much more is expressed within it.

I’d also love you to post your comments and ask any questions that you may have for Kerry or myself below.

And if you would love to learn more about the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program that was the core healing work that Kerry connected to and committed to

You can do so by clicking here.

Please note: We are still having a couple of issues with the new recording technology and unfortunately the video freezes at 9 minutes but goes back to normal at 15 minutes. You can still listen along during this time as the audio is unaffected.


As mentioned in the show, Kerry does amazing work with coaches, therapists and business owners to help them grow their business with her energy healing program Align + Attract.

If you are looking to build a heart filled business that helps people I can’t recommend Kerry’s work highly enough.

She is SO on it!

You can find out all the details here.



1) Please describe your narcissistic abuse experience to the audience.

I met the Narc on the street in Melbourne and there was instant connection and familiarity. which felt past-life related. The relationship started quickly and I ignored my own (admittedly quite mild) reservations. It was all so perfect on paper and I thought any uncomfortable feelings or discomfort at the pace, or issues with communication were my own issues. I had a history of depression and mistrust of my own feelings at this point.

As is often the case in such situations, we moved in together fast, and then bought an apartment together within a year. I didn’t ask questions about his financial situation, as he seemed to be so solid in that area, with a good track record of investments, and I happily let him take the lead. I did observe a lot of spending. It soon became apparent we had very different attitudes to money and debt. I knew very little of what was going on with him financially and as time went on, became too scared to ask too many questions.

The relationship went downhill dramatically over the final 3 years, after we got married. This started out looking like mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, which were treated for a short time. It became obvious something very serious was amiss. In the end, the ex lost 3 jobs over a two-year period, which created a lot of instability, pressure and chaos. My physical health deteriorated over the course of the relationship and I developed adrenal fatigue, digestive issues and reproductive issues. His behaviour became increasingly shocking and elements of emotional and verbal abuse emerged- particularly targeting my business, my lack of support to him as a wife, and creating big arguments when questioned about money or other sensitive issues.

Everything felt very confusing, like I was in a washing machine, and it didn’t occur to me that leaving was an option. I was committed to the marriage and determined to manifest my vision of what I thought the relationship was going to be.

Finally, life exposed the extent of what was really going on, which was substantial debt through loans from family and friends, credit cards and loans and black market loans which were by now creating major stress and drama. This all came to light over the course of one week and I left at that point as his behaviour towards me also escalated.

After a few weeks staying in hotels and continuing to see clients, I made changes to my business to allow me to move interstate to be with my family, including a move to working with my clients via Skype. There was much entanglement in relation to the apartment, which was eventually transferred into my name to release equity. I continued to pay the whole mortgage as I had for a year or more prior. The apartment was put on the market despite a lot of resistance from him and it was 7 months before he moved out and I was able to retrieve my possessions. It took 10 months after I left to sell and settle. I stayed with my parents and sister’s family during this time, and focused on my healing journey.

As is so often the case, there was a lot of drama, regular new shocks and revelations, and incessant contact in different forms in the months after I left, until all contact was progressively shut down.


2) How were you as a result of this experience?

It was very apparent that I was not dealing with the break up, It felt very different to a “normal” break up. I was highly shocked, traumatised and disassociated and had a sense of disbelief at what had unfolded. I felt relieved to be out of the daily chaos. I was initially highly adrenalised and kept moving; I had to make a lot of decisions and deal with all the people contacting me. I knew I was going to feel worse when that wore off and did.

I experienced post-traumatic stress symptoms, along with panic attacks, adrenaline surges, pain in my body, obsessive thoughts, an inability to focus and low energy. I needed a lot of sleep, and felt like I couldn’t function properly. I avoided group situations and spent a lot of time alone. I did the minimum I could in business and focused on my Kinesiology client sessions, and was able to focus and work effectively in that context.


3) What had you tried to do to get well?

I knew I was not yet healing in the initial months, as I was still dealing with all the contact and associated drama, despite being interstate. I saw a great counsellor but we were just dealing with the unfolding story and I wasn’t yet at the healing stage. I felt very adrenalised in telling my story.


4) When did you discover he was a narcissist?

The CAT team visited him twice at home at my request, as I was so concerned at his behaviour. I thought he may be bi-polar but they told me that was not the case, but did encourage me to look into narcissism when I mentioned that as another possibility. A couple of people had raised the “narcissistic” word but I hadn’t yet encountered Narcissistic Personality Disorder so didn’t have the full picture. Finally, I found a slide show through a google search that described NPD and everything I had experienced perfectly.

After finding the slide show I put out a clear intention: “I need to find someone to work with who specialises in this issue.” Within a few days a friend told me about you Melanie. I bought NARP the day I found it and booked sessions with Melanie and ended up having 10 one on one sessions.

I started the program the day I bought it, which was the day I found it. This was about 3 months after leaving the relationship.

The process created instant relief. I was so glad to know I had an approach to deal with the pain and trauma and release the bad memories. Initially I felt huge charges in my body as I went through the process, and it was good to be able to do something with that energy. I felt attacked and disempowered and that started to shift right away.

As I worked through the program I found I was initially releasing recent memories, and that soon shifted to childhood and past lives. I began to feel stronger within myself, and knew I could get through it; I just had to keep working the program and releasing all the charges. I gained the strength to sustain no-contact.

I was very clear that I deserved the absolute best after what I had been through and would do whatever was required internally to create that. I did daily NARP, daily walking, yoga, meditation and weekly healing sessions with Melanie for a time. I also worked with some other healers who had a good understanding of NPD.


5) What did you discover about your inner programs that you were carrying within you, that had co-generated the abuse in your life?

A lot of my beliefs centred around the fact I felt helpless and powerless, and that other people had more control than me, and I learnt:

I defaulted to feeling helpless and powerless in challenging situations
I felt worthless at a deep level
I believed men could over power me and I could not stop them
I was scared of life
I feared the worst
I believed I was fundamentally flawed and that my weaknesses left me vulnerable to attack
I was not in control of my life and I had to try and secure control
I saw other people as gate-keepers to what I want and they may or may not grant me permission to have what I want and need


6) What has happened since doing the inner work in your life?

I did NARP every day for around five months. I continued to cycle into helplessness around the apartment not selling: I just Needed It To Sell so I could Move On. I couldn’t move on otherwise, was the story. So there was still a belief that I need something outside of me to shift so I can be ok. I did a lot of work around releasing this and feeling ok to be where I was in my life.

Once the apartment sold I rented an apartment in the city and started to more fully establish my new life, which felt very calm and peaceful. A little after a year after leaving, and six months after my intensive NARP journey, I felt ready to meet new people. I had read your posts Mel about online dating and felt inspired to approach dating from a positive, empowered place, and did a lot of intention setting, reflecting, and further healing and reading about relationships.

I had good experiences meeting new people and testing out my intuition, ability to communicate and to assess what I wanted, and to more easily let go of things that weren’t right. After 6 months I met my current partner, Shaun. We seemed very different on paper, and in the past that probably would have been insurmountable to me. But this time I was focused on connection, communication, ease and love, and less concerned by externals like job title or age (he is seven years younger).

We are very compatible, communicate about everything and work together as a team very well. We moved in together at the start of 2016, soon decided we wanted a baby, and I’m now pregnant.


7) Have you had to deal with or are you still dealing with property or any other matters?

The property was quite an issue for some time and both the refinance and sales process were very time-consuming with lots of delays and a few dramas. I didn’t receive anything from the sale of the property but was pleased for the closure.

The divorce felt daunting, as the ex was by this point untraceable to serve the paperwork to. However, through a synchronistic series of events and encounters with helpful people, a different way forwards emerged, and in the end I was able to complete the divorce easily with no direct contact, via a substituted service.

The inner work helped me to address the inner feelings of powerlessness and helplessness that were activated by the house not selling, and letting go of the lost money from the house sale and allow me to feel detached about these things. It also helped me to open to the idea of dating, and to feel comfortable in the unknowns of dating.


8) What has changed in your life emotionally now, and in what ways?

My life feels easy and I have a sense of flow. Interestingly, after my intensive NARP journey, people started to tell me I look much younger than I am, so there were also visible effects from the healings. I have a great, healthy relationship and a thriving business. I am a lot more confident in my ability to continue to co-create a happy life, and this does not feel dependent on external things happening or not happening.

If things come up or I feel stuck in any way I know that is a false feeling and still go back to the goal setting module. For me now, the internal stress that might cause me to turn to the goal-setting module is often activated by growth and new vistas.

What final message do you have to share with others?

Do the inner work as it’s so worth it. Know that you are worth it. Any thoughts you have about things being especially challenging or impossible in your own specific circumstances – take them into NARP.

Do the work until the work is done.  You will probably need to do more than you “think” you should do. It may be harder than you “think” it should be. It may take longer than you “think” it should take.

When you decide you and your future happiness are your highest priority you stop thinking this way. You will do whatever it takes to be free. You know you’re worth it.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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34 Thoughts on The Decision That Makes Everything In Your Life Change – Thriver Show #34 Kerry
    September 21, 2016

    Hope someone understands what I’m saying only cause I need some help not that I want anyone to be miserable , truely I do not.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2016

      Hi Emily,

      I am glad you found the interview with Kerry inspiring …

      Please know with NARP that if you signed up to my Free Resources that you have access to knowing how you can apply for NARP with sponsorship.

      No-one who wants the program is denied the ability to connect to it.

      I really hope you can access this and start shifting out the trauma and find relief – sending you best wishes, courage and healing.

      Mel xo

    September 21, 2016

    Dear Melanie,
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the amazing work that you do. I happened to come across your blog accidentally but it has been a revelation to me through a very dark period of my life. I was struggling with a relationship with a person, who I wouldn’t know was suffering from narcissistic personality disorder had it not been for reading your blog and finally connecting the dots. Thus and after quite some time of oh-so-necessary inner healing I managed to really see things as they are and not through all the self-blame and the gaslighting anymore.
    As you have time and time said, I even learnt more things about my life, like that one of my parents is also quite possibly a narcissist – and coming to terms with this as well has finally cast more light onto the dynamics of our relationship.
    The moments of revelation just wouldn’t stop from that point on. I know I have a long way to go to build myself the way I want and the way I could always have been, but you helped me in finally making the decision. Please keep on with your guidance, people need to learn and recognize the signs of these toxic relationships and see that it is only a matter of decision to walk out and start rebuilding ourselves as a whole. I know I did.
    Thank you so much,
    Lots of love,

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2016

      Hi Connie,

      you are so welcome.

      I believe it is very true that when we are ready and we wish to evolve we do get the help we need …

      I also agree that when we awaken, there is no turning back.

      I promise to continue on with my dharma, I love what I do!

      Lots of love to you too Connie.

      Mel xox

    September 21, 2016

    Hi Mel and Kerry
    Such a great show you two! Thank you so much.
    Kerry I have a question about your health and how it went from being shattered to you looking so healthy and radiant now. You mentioned having adrenal problems and PTSD – did those health conditions resolve as you worked QFH or did you need medical support as well?
    My health feels at an all time low – adrenal fatigue, PTSD, insomnia, and significant weight gain that will not budge ever since my last N relationship. I’ve put heaps of effort into the medical side of things to what seems like absolutely no avail! I do QFH most days and I’m hoping that my health will respond as i gradually up level.
    What was your experience of you health recovering as you recovered from your N experience?
    Thanks so much,

      September 22, 2016

      Hi Anita!

      Thank you!

      I actually worked on the health issues whilst still in that relationship.

      I learnt a lot about adrenal fatigue (and ended up creating an e-course about it where I interviewed a number of experts) and I got a lot of support from natural therapists. I worked with a naturopath and took herbs, had acupuncture, some Kinesiology and also did a lot of Quantum Neurology (type of Chiropractic care) which were all very supportive.

      All of these things helped my physical health even while I was still in the very stressful situation, and enabled me to carry on working effectively in my business. You might consider any of these as options to support you physically. I otherwise had healthy eating and exercise habits and continued to prioritise that after I left. I also worked with other energy healing practitioners as I continued on healing and found that helped too.

      The PTSD symptoms came on after I left and NARP did help with those. Hope that helps!

    September 21, 2016

    Dear Melanie, My problem is with my daughter 2 years ago Itold my dauther I could not watch my grandson. .she beat me up I had go to the hospital with a fractured rib multiple bursing head contusion .I miss my grandson so much i cry almost everyday.Her birthday day will be here soon and would like to send her a card to see if we can at least get along enough so i can have a day with my grandson.your thoughts would be appreciated.thank you.Reading your blog help very much. Kay

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2016

      Hi Kay,

      My heart goes out to you …. when we have been attacked by someone we love, senselessly, it is very painful, and I can only imagine how heart breaking it must be to be disconnected from your grandson.

      Kay, oftentimes we have no control over what other people are or aren’t going to do, or even the outcomes of what “will happen”.

      However, we do have the power and the tools now to change our emotional pain from trauma to freedom regardless, and that is what the inner work is all about.

      When we are in trauma and disbelief it is incredibly hard to produce cognitive relief – because what happened to us was senseless.

      However, when we go to the trauma in our body and release and uplevel it, then we get a shift.

      And then, at the Quantum Level, if our outer world is going to shift – it has the biggest chance of doing so – because the outer will often shift to match our newly inner healed space.

      This is when things can fall into place, even things that we previously thought there was no solution to.

      That is exactly what the NARP work, when we commit to it produces, and that would be my suggestion to you to get relief.

      Wishing you healing and your emancipation from this pain.

      Mel xo

    Jean Johnson
    September 21, 2016

    Congratulations Kerry!

    September 22, 2016

    I love where she says ‘this is not how this story ends.’ Like the semi colon movement. Don’t stop just pause and move forward in a different direction.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2016

      Hi Gillian,

      I LOVED that too!!

      Sooooo amazing!

      Mel xo

      September 22, 2016

      So glad that resonated for you Gillian, thanks for sharing!

    Millie J
    September 23, 2016

    Kerry, I’ve followed your story for a while now and thank you for being so “visible”. It helps others so much and can be what gives them the courage to take their first step. It also helps those of us as Practitioners to be able to help our clients and also gives us other options to refer on to.

    To read your wonderful news re Shaun and a new little life makes me so happy for you. Enjoy this special time in your life and keep smiling – Life is for living!

      September 23, 2016

      Thanks so much for your lovely, thoughtful comment Millie. I’m glad you find the sharing helpful. And yes, life is for living for sure!

    September 25, 2016

    I never doubted for a minute that the life Kerry has created is what NARP makes possible but it is so wonderful to see it in person and I am thrilled for her! I have been faithfully working the modules for nearly two months now and seeing what Kerry has created is incredibly inspiring and confirms for me that I’m on the right path and to keep moving forward, even on those days when I feel “too tired” or “there are too many things to do” – the modules are not optional – something else has to go. I also appreciated the emphasis on taking the steps to regain and maintain good health. Kerry, what a lovely success story – thank you for being so open and authentic with your experience and providing us with such inspiration. Congratulations on the news of a thriving life, business and newly expanding family!

      September 26, 2016

      Thank you Darcy! When you’re in the middle of the healing process it can feel like it’s taking quite a lot of time, but when you look back, the commitment is definitely worth it. I’m so glad you already know the kind of life you can create and that our interview also gave you some extra inspiration too. All the best.

    September 25, 2016

    Wow. Great interview. I too felt like the narc stole my time and ruined my chances of ever being a mom because it all imploded when I was in the my 30s. I think that was what made me the most mad and sad. I am happy to hear I am not the only one. Our time is so precious, and the narc took a lot of good years from me. Thankfully I too healed through NARP and am in a loving relationship with a man who sincerely wants to marry and start a family with me. Congrats, Kerry, and thank you for sharing your story! Mel, a future post or video on this topic would be really great.

      September 26, 2016

      Thanks for sharing Amanda!

      So happy to hear you’ve also created happiness in your life, and are now in a relationship with a lovely man! All the best.

    September 26, 2016

    What do you do if the narc is a sibling? We work in a family business where she doesn’t want to do any work, but she wants the exact paycheck as me and has requested more. Will sitting down with a lawyer help? If I’ve been working in the business for a long time, are there any remedies for me? I am now an older worker and worried about being hired.

    Valerie Wedel
    October 2, 2016

    Hi Kerry,
    great show! Congratulations on your wonderful situation – well done!
    The last item on your list that you mentioned upleveling applies to me! In my professional situation as I want to grow and evolve, I realize I am seeing other people as gatekeepers. For instance, ‘I need that person/firm/client to hire me so I can finish the internship and win the license’…
    May I ask how you rephrased your gatekeeper realization into a healthy goal statement?

      October 4, 2016

      Hi Valerie! Thank you. I can’t remember the specific goals I used but you might use: “I am always supported as I grow and succeed,” “Life is always supporting me to succeed,” “I easily generate the success I desire,” “I am fully responsible for creating the internal conditions that lead to success” or similar 🙂

        Valerie Wedel
        October 5, 2016

        Thanks, Kerry. Interestingly the first two hold no charge but the last two seem to have substantial charges. Off to work I go… 🙂

    October 4, 2016

    OMG! OMG! OMG! I am now convinced to NARP!
    This show sooo resonated with me! (yeah yeah I know we all say that, lol)
    Congratulations Kerry – again everything was my stuff – EVERYTHING! I had CAT teams out to my home as well. My narc was an Aussie tradie who of course was my “dream” man and moved into my place at Formula One speed!! He “displayed” success in the building industry and he luuuurved me soooo much!!
    Lo and behold – he had abandonment issues – of INDUSTRIAL proportions due to his alcoholic mother’s womb and was placed in an orphanage pretty much from day one. As he had no other family, he grew up in the Victorian state ward system being abused rather horrifically. The sympathy I felt for that little boy who had never known grand parents or a mother’s touch was GOLD for this little black Narc! Things headed south at supersonic speed.
    As a healer, I was determined to SAVE him at all costs!! After he moves in however, (insert drum roll here ….. ) I discover drug issues, alcohol issues and … more drum rolls please … the beatings start!!
    Melanie, I only discovered you yesterday, AFTER loosing my home, a property that I was about to redevelop in a booming suburb, my nice digital marketing career, my blogging business, giving up my PhD, my independence and barely came out with my sanity. I am now sleeping on my mother’s floor but I’m FREE.
    I am starting to pick up the pieces AFTER kicking a nice little self medicating month of drinking which freaked the bejeezus out of everyone but after reading your No Contact guide, I have booked into the magistrates court to take out an intervention order MYSELF (as opposed to the two police issued ones that I cancelled (yeah I stood in front of a judge and well, lied) I was booked in to see a domestic abuse counsellor but think I may cancel that as up until now I was still scratching my head at to WTF???? I’d never heard of the terms love bombing and gas lighting and never considered him as a narcissist. Bi-polar .. schitzophrenic .. delusional with extreme paranoid tendancies perhaps – particularly now as he believes he is being gang stalked, followed and is under surveillance (all orchestrated by me of course, lol)
    The A-ha moment I had overnight (thanks Melanie for my sleepless night reading all your stuff) and my mum is not all too impressed at being woken at 4am (note to self – check speaker volume before playing a Melanie talk) learning he is an altruistic narcissist exploded like a freight train underneath my makeshift mattress and checking in with my own short-comings was the trip to Beirut I was dreading. I believed I had done so much work on myself already from psychologists to energy healings and undertaking all sorts of self help book reading and healing modality studies (I recognised early on in life due to my dad suiciding that I had an abandonment issue and a massive car accident in my early 20’s that I had self esteem issues) so acknowledging that I still need some work done is kind of liberating and I can’t wait!! THANKYOU!!!!!

      October 4, 2016

      Glad you resonated Renata! As you carry on through NARP you’ll find you’ll focus more and more on what you’re creating in your own life and much less on the ex situation + associated dramas. It’s very freeing + empowering!

    October 5, 2016

    Hi Kerry

    Loved your show! So much about your experience resonated with me. I just wanted to say that if Shaun is 7 years younger than you, he must be 18, because you don’t look any older than 25. So pleased for you and what a true testament to the power of NARP your story is. XO

      October 11, 2016

      Hehe, I’m actually 39 L! Side effect of all the healing work + true inner happiness I think! Thank you though! Glad my story resonated for you, thanks for sharing xx

    October 10, 2016

    Hi Melanie and Kerry,

    Thank you! Very inspiring! Kerry, you’re sooo radiant – congratulations on all that you’ve brought to your world!

    I know both of you talk about doing the Modules when you’re on walks. So, I have a question about that… I’ve personally found the Module work to be quite an emotional workout, lot’s of tears so far every time and layers upon layers of clarity – and I find that writing really facilitates that. By the end of the Module each time I’m back to peace and balance thanks to their brilliant design, but I can’t imagine being able to do the Modules on a walk. Is that more accessible as you clear clear clear then? As the up-leveling becomes less intense? Melanie talks about the ‘little bird hospital’, maybe I’m still in the ‘intensive care’ stage emotionally? Would love you’re thoughts.

    Much love xxx

      October 11, 2016

      Thank you Cindy!

      As you say, it might be something to try once you’re further into your healing journey and feeling less “raw”.

      You can always walk after shifting if you want, so you still get the benefits of writing that you’re experiencing, and the chance to fully express your emotions.

      Just do what feels right for you xx

    October 11, 2016

    Thank you for sharing this story. I hope to come out of this as a more whole person too.

      October 11, 2016

      Thanks Tracy! Keep going!! It feels hard when you’re in it but if you persist you’ll get to that place of true wholeness.

    Tracy Ann
    October 13, 2016

    SO inspiring to see 2 women laugh looking back (as I find myself doing in my healing) at their precious ‘pre-narc-selves’ bumbling so sincerely, yet vulnerable & unaware .. into webs of deceit & confusion .. & out into their empwered beautiful selves .. through healing. . Just a beautiful thing. You feel like comrades to me. Thank you so much for your effort & sharing.

      October 21, 2016

      Thanks Tracy Ann. I’m so glad you can relate to that feeling too. Melanie and I certainly resonated with each other when we worked together. Thanks for sharing what you saw xx

    March 18, 2017

    I cried watching this because I am 37 y.o. and thought that it’s too late to have a baby. Thank you Melanie and Kerry!

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