I am so happy to be presenting this show to you …
Tami is a glowing Thriver in this community who has manifested her dream life with Law of Attraction.
After last week’s Law of Attraction article she came forth telling me she would love to share her story and her knowledge with the community.
I know Tami well, and I just knew her story and wisdom would be very insightful for the community, plus I love the opportunity to have a conversation about this stuff – so I said yes!
What is so incredible about this show is Tami’s previous life bears no resemblance to her Life now – they are Universe’s apart.
Tami’s previous self was enmeshed in multiple one-after-the-other narcissistic relationships.
Throughout the 6 years after the marriage with her first narcissistic husband, her life took an even bigger downward spiral.
This all culminated to her having an absolute breakdown, of losing almost everything, and worst of all totally losing herself.
No longer did Tami have a six figure career, (or any job at all), she had nowhere to live, no money, and her second marriage (to the man who she thought was so noble, supportive and loving) ended in her being isolated, controlled, belittled and emotionally terrorised.
After crawling away from him, absolutely shattered, Tami was diagnosed with Complicated Traumatic Stress Disorder, and felt like she wasn’t going to live. She felt like a total failure, that her life was finished, and that there was no way out of the hooks, pain and agony of what had happened to her.
In this interview, Tami talks about her story, and what happened from narcissist to narcissist, and then her and I talk about Tami’s incredible journey back to herself.
And the really cool thing is, after this, we talk a lot about Law of Attraction – all the way from manifesting “seeing eagles” and “little green frogs”, to becoming “space” and “personal power” and how we can tap into this Universal Law in ways which can completely turn any aspect of our life around 180 degrees.
I am so excited to present to you this show, because Tami and I go into Law of Attraction detail at an even greater depth than I did in my article, and Tami has some wonderful insights to share with you!
This is the top of Tami’s vision board over the middle window. It says, “You ARE A CREATOR.” And the left page says, “Exercise, prayer, meditation.” The middle says, “Health and Well Being,” and the right slide says, “Emotional Freedom.”
Here is Tami’s 2014 vision board which she achieved – even bigger and better than what the board represented.
And here is a picture of Tami’s vision board for 2015!
Tami and I would love it, if you got involved in a discussion with us via the blog post, asking us any questions you may have, or posting any comments you would like to make about this show, or Law of Attraction.
Tami, thanks for sharing your story! What an inspiration, and I found myself nodding ‘yes!’ to the creating and manifesting when we feel good, and how life helps us by triggering us and pointing out what we need to clear. I found that for me, it was apparently necessary to learn how to feel when I was aligned with my internal belief as opposed to when not, and now I recognize that ‘knowing’ much easier now. It came in the form of a bee-sting…I had never been stung before, and one day when out with my son, I had made the intention to experience new things that day, but didn’t clarify. I was still in a tough situation so I wasn’t feeling the greatest, and sure enough, I got stung. I wondered about how I managed to manifest that, couldn’t really intellectualize it, and let it go. A few days later, I woke up in a darker mood, things were bothering me, and the sting was still bugging me, and I noticed myself focusing on it, and the sensation of being ‘aligned’ with it happening was very telling…(which speaks to alignment can be either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, lol), and later that day, as I was cleaning the skimmer of my pool, I reached in and got stung again by a dead bee, and a second stinger was almost impaled in my skin again. What are the odds? So since then, I have become more aware of that feeling of alignment within my body at a deeper level in order to really bring in what I want. I can direct it better, and pay attention when triggers come up that prevent me from aligning with it. Now stuff is happening much much faster and smoother.
As you said, it is about working with the Law instead of saying it doesn’t work. It works perfectly, whether we realize it or not. I’m very happy for you that you have found your stride and are creating a magnificent life. 🙂
Veronica,
Who would have known a bee sting could be such a powerful teacher and experience. The signs are amazing when we open ourselves to them!
Beautiful story.
I hope to get healthy too
Glenda,
If you are working Melanie’s program, with this intention, you undoubtedly will! All the best to you in your healing journey!
The thing in all of this, I cannot believe that all the stories are the same fundamentally. I am still in the healing process, and I am astounded by the amount of people that are amazed it ever happened to me. Narcissist’s spend every waking moment in the manipulative mode, which is hard for psychological professionals to deal with, so you have to understand we novices are very susceptible. My life started to change when I discovered Melanie Antonia Evans, it helped me realise I was not mad or stupid and it could happen to anyone. Melanie said a true thing that struck me and helped me and that was, they never show their true colours on the first date, if their behaviour in the beginning was anything like I started to experience later, I would have run for the hills. I am still struggling with the fact that people can be so dishonest as part of their everyday life. And this dishonesty can ruin lives’.
I understand that the forum saved this ladies life. I did meet a lovely lady psychologist who counselled me during my abusive marriage, and she advised me to leave, had she once mentioned narcissism, I would have discovered Melanie and the forum sooner and not then gone on to another a narcissistic relationship. Since my awareness I am astounded by the people who I meet in life who are in these relationships, it is frightening. I can spot them from a mile now. I have come from a desolate hopeless sad person to feeling more whole and empowered, just wish people didn’t have to experience these monsters for such long periods, hopefully through the media people will meet Melanie earlier and I know I introduce people to her regularly
Donna,
Yes it is truly astounding, and so important not to get stuck on “them.” It’s so tempting to want justice because of the contemptuous behavior and the subsequent pain we feel. I’ve come to believe that we have to starve “them” of any attention whatsoever and focus our intention on feeding ourselves. We tell our stories simply to raise awareness and then we look to the light that shines within our Universe to raise our spirits. Even pure darkness contains stars and clouds always dissipate. It’s true that we can dissolve clouds with sheer gratitude and so it is with the clouds that cover our hearts. The first time I dissolved a cloud with gratitude, I was astounded. Look to the light, my friend. Love and healing in your journey.
What an awesome, awesome, show! Felt like I was sitting there with the two of you. Tami, I remember when you posted about the eagle on the Facebook group! What a great update on your story and all the fleshed out details. And Melanie what can I say? I think thoughts of gratitude towards you every single day for sharing QFH. You are a total role model for me.
So I’ve been working NARP since August of 2013 and studying LOA profoundly since about six months after that, and I could not agree more that the way to become a powerful creator is by shifting the trauma out of our bodies, first and continuously as much as we need to. I have done hundreds of modules and made phenomenal progress so far. I loved hearing about how much you stayed the course on NARP, Tami. You both have SISU. I’ll let you enjoy looking that one up. =)
I have been getting closer and closer to thriving myself and will probably put my hand up one day to Melanie to see if there is a thriver story there for the show. I know that a lot of my shifts are around past-life victimhood run very very deep. Like a lot of us!
Mel, I can relate to being a professional in the spiritual helping field with years of esoteric study, personal therapy, and counseling and having no idea why life seemed to be getting worse instead of better!! I kept thinking, ” What can I possibly be missing?? ” And Tami, I can relate to the series of N marriages and relationships!
So now, can both of you please speak to rebuilding one’s life from the ground up with respect to working (going from stressed out, unemployment, workaholic, you-name-it, into dream jobs and careers), right livelihood, goal setting on career topics, feeling safe in the world of success… Reinforcing vibrant, good health,.. And most especially, having both flowing along with no conflict (I feel like capitalizing the word conflict, haha, but I will refrain from doing that). Any thoughts, further ideas, Goals you’ve worked on these topics so that LOA can deliver quicker and more powerfully? Without fear of upsetting the gains you’ve already made.
I can’t tell you how good it was to share in this good glow today. And you’re both right, the forums are awesome!
Hi Pamela,
You are so welcome, and truly I feel so blessed for QFH, I know I wouldn’t be here without it, and I feel so happy that I can share it!
Ohh I love “sisu” – this is what wiki had to say … “Sisu is about taking action against the odds and displaying courage and resoluteness in the face of adversity. Deciding on a course of action and then sticking to that decision against repeated failures is Sisu. It is similar to equanimity, with the addition of a grim quality of stress management. The pertaining adjective is sisukas, “having the quality of Sisu”.
Thank you for granting us that lovely compliment.
I had never heard that before.
You, truly are very “Sisu” as well Pamela after working so diligently with the Modules, and that is so wonderful you are feeling the results.
I would LOVE to have you on as a Thriver Pamela, when the time is right! Absolutely 🙂
Okay … I’m hearing you re “how” … I know how this feels, because truly I had SOOOO much stuff conflicting inside me – it was “where do I start and how?”
I’ll talk to Tammy about this – and … I was going to write a response, but “something” tells me this could be of value to the Community to do another show on this – the “how to” …
I’ll put it to my Facebook Page and see the what people think about this …
Mel xo
Yes!! Let’s do a how to show!!
Oh how funny, when I was getting ready in the morning yesterday I was thinking, wouldn’t it be awesome if Tami and Mel did some more radio shows together – – Sharing their experiences on manifesting success after recovery!! So excited. I will totally take that! Love it!!
Glad you resonated with SISU Melanie, it just fits!
Thanks for all the encouragement Melanie! I’m not stopping when it gets bumpy, I’m going in! =)
Pam, thanks! You have always been such a beacon of light to me! So, for my part, I dedicate part 2 of the thriver/law of attraction show to you!
I really enjoyed this inspiring thriver radio show and hearing about how LOA fits with being abused, and then creating a new life – all from energetic shifts. I also realised that what most of us have in common (consciously or unconsciously), is that we meet narc men (or women) when we are needy, lonely, bored with life, unfulfilled, etc., and have been conditioned to believe that someone else can fill us up, love us to wholesness, and make our lives better, and in my case, that I could love/lecture a man into better behaviour. We do make another person into a false god – and narcs love the power/control of being in that role. Even now, I have people around me who believe this is the model of relationships.
I too had to go though 3 narc relationships and heaps of suffering across a 20 yr span, before I really knew that I had to change my way of being. Seems crazy now! It is indeed radical responsibility for self that sets the wheel in motion for change to happen.
I think this has clarified for me that this is what we are dealing with – a law of life, and I have to be honest, I have come a long way, but have not been as clear as you Tami about what it is that I want to create. I still have some blocks in this area and sense that this is my next area of focus. Thank you xxx
Hi Carol,
I couldn’t agree with you more, that we are conditioned to just “find someone” to give us our life.
It is astounding how, when people are single, the topic of conversation is usually about “finding someone”, instead of “finding yourself”.
I LOVE the orientation of self-development and growth that transcends all of that – it is sooo liberating!
That is so wonderful that after all of that pain that you are now in the model of radical responsibility, and in the driver’s seat in regard to creating your world.
Big Kudos to you!
Mel xo
Thanks Mel. I think a show on the “how” would be brilliant too. I have done really well with the emotional shifts and the reaching back into childhood and ancestral/gender/past life stuff, but feel a little unsure regarding goal setting for creating career goals, life goals, etc., and/or clearing the common blocks regarding things like deserving. I think individual inclination might also play a part in this.
Re Susanne’s post – I think we are all works in progress – never finished with this amazing life journey, and I really sense that the life force itself spurs us on. xxx
Carol,
I started practicing the realization that in identifying what I did not want (what was hurting, painful etc.), in finding the opposite of that feeling, I could find what I really wanted. So if I found myself wallowing in the details and effects of betrayal, I could discover that what I desired was a relationship in which I could feel trust and safety. If I’m feeling miserable in victimization, I know that what I really want is to feel empowered. And then I try to feel that empowered feeling in my body as much as I am able. I release what is in the way of that good feeling as much as I am can. Sometimes it’s baby steps, sometimes it’s massive leaps.
Hope this helps!
Thank you both Tami and Melanie – you are great together. I also remembered Melanie’s trip to Tailand and enjoyed the sharing so much – particularly liked the shifting about isolation when Melanie was in a remote place and learned to get about on a (motorbike) – I can so relate to that feeling and solving it.
You were just great in this interview – also a reminder not to sabotage one self on skipping with ones own morning routines.
Love from me
Hi Winnie,
you are so welcome!
I’m glad you got a lot out of my “remote moped expansion shift” … It was pretty awesome for me!
How wonderful that you too are breaking through comfort zones into “life” beyond what you previously had access to.
So glad you enjoyed the show.
Mel xo
Thanks for your sweet acknowledgment, Winnie!
Thanks for sharing your story Tami. I can remember how broken you were when I first encountered you and you have been so dedicated and have come so far and now have created your perfect life. I feel so proud of your efforts and just know that your life will continue to up-level and up-level. You are an inspiration to this community and hopefully, many more people will be able to up-level themselves because they can see that they too can have great lives, just as you did, if they put in the hard work.
It is true that life brings us what we need so that we can heal and the N experience is exactly that. For me, I was actually in a good place when I met the last one. I have finally been able to work out what it was that got us together and the main thing was adventure. My father died when I was 9 and a whole lot of other people in my family died and many other destructive things had happened and I missed out on that amazing free-spirited time as a teenager when you do all those adventurous and exciting things that teenagers and young adults do. I also realise that the teenage years are not all like that, but I did observe many other teenagers have a much more interesting and outward experience than I did. They had the courage to travel overseas, go places and do things that seemed to be beyond my ability to fathom or do. I did wish my existence could have been more enriching, but I was just too depressed and did not have the inner resources at that time. My sisters seemed to be having a ball and I was the quiet, diligent depressed one who could not find her way.
Enter this last N. It was very exciting in the beginning and I had a ball. I finally got the ‘wild’ experience, minus, for me, any alcohol or drugs. It was just lots of fun and laughing and dancing together, being part of an exciting group doing dancing together a lot of the time and doing all the chaotic things with him that comprised his life. Eventually it became boring, tiring and not exciting and I realised it was all about him; all the time. There was enough adult in me to realise that I had to be awake for work and that I had to pay the bills and all those responsible facets of life which were not part of his reality. That excitement came to a natural end for me after about 1.5 years and I began to want a much more stable life where we did more things together like spend a day in nature, do things together as a couple that were fun and without all the chaotic element; but with him it was always sabotaged and did not happen unless it worked for him.
I also was doing NARP modules and healing all the stuff that came up in the relationship. It was actually very good for that and bit by bit, I got in touch with all sorts of unresolved pain within me and life got better and better and I just kept working on me with everything that came up in the relationship. It was free therapy so to speak.
I also learned one very important thing that calmed me right down and that is that there is ‘nothing and no-one on the outside to get’. That has been a profound realisation for me. Whatever is appearing on the outside is simply a reflection of what is on the inside. I have also learned that it is up to me to create what I want to have appear in my life; not anyone else, but me alone!
One Sunday it occurred to me that I had had enough of boring weekends with him and decided I would not waste one more weekend and that was the start of me deciding what I wanted to create for my weekends with or without him so that I did not get to the end of another weekend and think it had been wasted. I started to branch out and make arrangements with friends and also to do other things just because I wanted to do them. It felt more nourishing.
Another profound realisation is that my addiction started when I was 17 and was to do with all the trauma of my childhood and the pain I was experiencing to do with my dad dying and it was triggered by my boyfriend going overseas. I was inconsolable. They were the feelings about my dad dying, really! Anyway, once that was uncovered in me, I began to realise that the N boyfriend was a substitute and a distraction from feeling all that pain that belonged to that time long ago when I was a child and teenager. The task was now to work through all those feeligs without any distraction and to begin creating my life and doing the inner work even more and I could actually feel the addiction that came in the form of wanting to be with him. At those moments of those feelings, I finally ‘got it!’ Every time that feeling hit, I would have to ask myself what it was from him that I hoped to experience in that moment and then go and get it or do it without involving anyone else. It also involved taking a lot more stuff into the modules. It seemed as if there was just more and more and more stuff to take in there; so many inner beliefs!
I am still a work in progress but am now starting to be able to direct my power more to create what I am wanting to create. All is going beautifully in my life now and all is peaceful, happy and calm. Work is going well and I am really enjoying it. I am loving my home and the two small black boy kittens who have now come to share my life; and a beautiful rescue puppy who is coming from Bali in August.
Now that a lot of the old stuff is out of the way and I have created the kind of life that I want, something else has now emerged. It is a future full of promise but just for now that is a mystery. I am wanting to create the very next thing. I have been working with my kinesiologist and I have been a bit stuck with moving ahead and that is now clearing and I am very excited to think about where my life will be headed. I have little glimmerings and this year, I am going to do what you did and create a vision-board. I can remember a long time ago, putting about 10 goals on a very large piece of cartridge paper. I put the paper away and found it about 6 years later and all those goals bar one, had been achieved. Now, because I do not know what I am wanting to create, I am going to cut out pictures of things that attract me and write the essence of what that thing is, next to the picture. I am also going to visualise with a feeling component living with whatever the essence is, in that picture. In that way, imagining having that situation as part of my reality now and living it as if it has happened in physical time, I hope to bring whatever that situation is, into my physical reality. I will also be able to take all the blocks that appear, into the modules for clearing.
So all is well and it is Sunday and there are 3 feline animals on the bed here with me whilst I am typing. I am off for a bike ride before it gets too hot on this beautiful Sunday morning. Life is very, very good!
Hi Suzanne,
thank you so much for your share!
It is so true that as we heal, the components of “what is really going on” appear – and they are the blocks inside us.
I love what you wrote about “there is nothing out there to get”, this is the Quantum Fact that we have all been steered away from, with world conditioning … and it has kept humankind in terrible pain and powerlessness.
When we get our inner beingness right, then we simply expand creating more in “The Field” that represents us … and its fun rather than fearful and attachment based.
Gorgeous you are moving forward and anchoring into visualisation – it is powerful – (and yummy!)
And, for sure, shift out the blocks as they come up and the ability to visualise just gets more and more clean.
Awww I can just imagine the 3 gorgeous moggies on the bed. I have been so busy in life lately, my furry boy, Tigs has stopped cuddling in bed
He’s like “Mum, are you going OUT again?”
I need to give him some big hugs!
Mel xo
LOL. Yes Mel, Tigs is giving you a msg that he is not impressed with mum going out yet again. I know! I get it here too. My little Noah is enjoying the company of Bo who I recently adopted to keep him company because I am out of the house at work all day. They love each other but he is not so cuddly at the moment with me. Hope that changes!
I now have 4 in the house since my lovely rescue cat Oscar has just come home after a 3 week absence. I had only had him for 3 weeks when he took off. So glad he is back at home now. He is very affectionate.
Yes, I am moving forward and I am so glad for the n experience. It really brought me home to more of me and I am in the process of starting a vision board. I am continuing to work through and release all blocks as they come up and this release is also reflected in my outward life. Life really just does keep getting better and better.
Did you end up getting a scooter now that you are back at home, or was that just something for when you were in Thailand? The traffic here in Australia is quite radical and since I ride on the road with my road bike, I am really aware of all those radical drivers.
He sure is Suzanne!
Omg you have your own animal sanctuary there! Awwww so pleased Oscar returned.
No I haven’t got a scooter, life is so busy and social that I really wouldn’t have time to go riding here.
I agree even though traffic in Thailand is crazy, everyone is so reverent and chilled out. I think its much safer!
Mel xo
Thank you Suzanne! You’re quite an inspiration yourself.
Thanks Tami. I am just so happy for you that your life is going so well and I am sure that there will be so much more. It just seems to keep evolving upwards into places we never could have envisaged back then when all the n stuff was a part of our reality. Here is to LIFE!
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Appreciating the time and energy you put into your website and in depth information you present. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed information. Great read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Hmm.. én mindkét gyatra szórólapot kidobtam, miután elovastattam leszármazottammal, aki már az elsÅ‘ olvastán is nyomdafestéket nem tűrÅ‘ indulatra ragadtatta magát. A mostani borÃtékot meglátván, azt kérdezte tÅ‘lem, csak nem emelik a nyugdÃjadat? ValószÃnűleg ezért nem tudtam összevetni a jelenlegit az elÅ‘zÅ‘vel, s ilyen jól megfogalmazni az igazmondás hiányát. Gratulálok érte.
For right now low carb, higher-fat, adequate protein is working extremely well for me and I’m enjoying good health for the first time in years. But, I’ll definitely take a look at your program and at your new book. I believe in gathering as much information as I can. Thanks,Kim
Girls! and gentle men.
guess what?
after being narc free for over 2 years ( he left the country never to be seen again supposedly) I woke up this morning to find a note from him on my car windscreen and on it his new number and the message “call me”
my response: complete calm, no attachment, no fear, nothing!
my thoughts: how dare this piece of trash walk onto my driveway and place a note on my car. I’m far too busy and important for any of this nonsense! Hooray! For me it’s OVER! Ding dong the witch is dead!
The moral of this story: if you are still in a narc relationship GET OUT no matter how hard, how excruciatingly painful etc. you have to start somewhere. But believe me it’s the only place to start. If it can happen to me it can happen to you also.
Over 2 years ago I didn’t feel this strong, this detached from him, this empowered and this realistic about who he really is. Back then he was mr articulate, mr handsome who made every woman who looked at him swoon with desire and I was ready to die for him. Die for him? How crazy is that. You should only die for your children lol. But today he is mr nobody, a man who had a an opportunity and lost it, a pathetic human being who made an attempt to return to his old supply..WITHOUT SUCCESS.
best wishes to all. From miss happily ever after.
Progress check! Woohoo! Congratulations!
Good on you Karen. You have healed enough to realise that they are gods with feet of crumbling clay. it is so good when we realise that they are really just puffed-up nothings! Once we expose who they are and start to express ourselves more and set strong boundaries, their true colours come out more and more. Let the dead bury their own dead, I say!
Wow,wow,wow…
I just fell across all of Melanie’s info/ blogs, etc.. And amazed. I’m very much in the early stages of healing from being abused by my ex narcissistic /sociopath husband. Married almost 12 years… It was just as everyone says in the beginning- he swept me off my feet, showed me how to let my hair down & have fun, married quickly, then slowly the gas lighting & abuse started. The last 2-3 yes of my marriage were a blur as I was not myself anymore. I didn’t know who I was. I was trash & helpless & pathetic. Our seperation was traumatic as he plotted to discard me in a very hurtful/ demeaning way whigh lead a year and a half of court battles, custidy battles of out 2 young children. All was final this past September. I walked away from so much ( finances) because I knew I had to be done. I was awarded full custody as I consistantly was able to show the courts his lies & manipulation. He is now engaged to his new supply. I am not jealous.
I’m on this journey knowing I need to fix me… The inner self wounds that I’ve ignored before I can think about being a partner again.
My question – I’ve heard about the quantum theory and the Law of Attraction. Are these books or programs? I am signed up for the next webinar but any other info is appreciated.
Feeling excited to finally see & hear someone else who gets that you cannot just stay in your head, get therapy and all will work out…..
I want to begin this process yesterday…. Please – any info is appreciated!
Hugs-
Kimberly
Hi Kimberly,
You will find a lot of information online about quantum healing and law of attraction. There are many laws and many methods of healing. Melanie’s program is great for those of us who are healing from abuse and codependent beliefs. Glad you are signed up for Mel’s webinar! Relief is on its way.
I am 2 weeks out of Narcissistic relationship. Someone referred me to this site and I am so thankful. I am still in some degree of shock that I let this happen, but the more I read and learn, the more I see how this all ” works”. I ignored the red flags because I didn’t want to think it was happening. I am a licensed social worker, long time violent crime victim advocate ( in the judicial system)…. I have seen it all. But was blind to this. That is why I beat myself up and think how foolish I was. But again, reading and learning has helped me become kinder to myself.
I have a wonderful counselor and a group of friends that now know the truth.
Sadly, at this point, he still works 2 mornings a week where I do ( he did that so ” we could spend more time together since this was a full time job”.. I see what it was REALLY about now)
I am still sad at the loss of what I BELIEVED was real. I know I have to grieve the loss that my heart feels.
Thank you again for sharing and helping those coming along behind you!!! I am truly grateful for all of you.
We all project and some of us project our good character and beliefs upon others. Self forgiveness is a powerful tool for a loving heart. Know you can have what you want when you release the attachment and grief. It takes patience and self love, followed by a huge dose of gratitude. Keep going.
Yes Terri, it does not matter how intelligent and aware we are, if we have inner wounding that hooks into what the N delivers, we will get caught until we start to see that what is happening is hurting us so much and we start to see the N’s true character emerge.
One good thing is that in the beginning, they reflect to us, our own beauty of soul and we really fall in love with ourselves.
I am so glad that you have support and are working on healing the parts of you that allowed you to get caught by the N in your life. It does take a while to sort out all that and for me, it was the dissonance that I found the hardest; separating out the words from the actions. I am so glad that I have been able to do this now.
Life does continue to get better once we heal all those wounds. We really do become different people as we change and our true selves become really apparent once and for all.
Watch for part 2 of this series coming up where Mel and I discuss further specifics about the Law of Attraction. I had an incredible shift and up-leveling during the show!
Melanie I am truly grateful to you for all the help over the last 3 and a half years since I separated from the N. who was part of my life for 29yrs. I have nothing to get outside of me and I am in a much better place and yes life is easy. Hope fully my 4 adult children will come back to me to hear the truth, they do deserve the TRUTH but they too picked up on the bits and pieces themselves and have asked questions, but they too are subject to his manipulations, deceit, lies, twisted stories that make it all about him. They accuse you of EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE THEMSELVES IN ORDER TO CONFUSE THINGS AS THEY CANNOT ADMIT WHAT THEY ARE EITHER TO THEMSELVES OR ANY OTHER DECENT HUMAN BEING. He can vilanise, sabotage, lie,demonise and try to degrade me BUT i KNOW MY TRUTH OF LIVING WITH THIS VAMPIRE. HE EVEN LIED TO HIS OWN CHILDREN TO TURN THEM AGAINST ME HOW SICK SICK. But I am in such good place and life is great TG and thankyou Melanie Pray my lovely children find their pathway back to a Mother who has the truth waiting for them bless you Melanie for the help His bullying was so twisted and powerful he had me convinced it was Me. Its sooooo good to be rid of this MONSTER FOR GOOOOOOOD
Maureen,
My son and I did a show with Melanie last year about healing ourselves so our children can heal. I hope that you will tune in to part 2 of Melanie’s radio show, because she and I address this issue of continuing to blame and point fingers trying to prove or shine the light on “what they did.” Trust me when I say I completely understand, and it’s only natural to want to call attention to those who have hurt us so horribly and the absolute terror and harm they have done. I am so happy you are in a much better place and that life is easy. However, it’s very clear in your post that there is a great deal of residual angst you are still carrying, which will continue to bring about the same pain in your life (i.e., the pain around the loss of connection with your children). Sometimes we feel like it won’t be safe if we let go of our anger and blame (I certainly had to shift out of that place after a lifetime of narcissist abuse). We always have good reasons for hanging onto our pain and blame.
I am wondering if you would consider taking your pain and anger into a module to finally be free of the angst associated with your ex. It’s hurting you and therefore possibly your children. When you release that pain, blame and torment, there is an opportunity for your children to see your light and the truth without you even saying a word. This awards them the opportunity to heal themselves and find their path back home to a healed and whole mother who no longer has hooks or upset related to their father.
He is physically gone, but it is evident in your post that his ghost is still lingering in your body and you could experience so much more freedom if you could release yourself of that pain.
Much love and healing light coming your way! I hope you will consider shifting yourself out of this…you will be SO glad you did! I promise!
Hi Maureen,
The only time these people feel anything is when you remove their power and then it is just hatred. Dwelling on the things they have done or continue trying to do simply gives them the upper hand, whether they either see it in you or hear about it from other people. My non involvement at any level in her abusive dramas drives my ex wife absolutely crazy, this also includes unbreachable barriers and boundaries, often she suggests that I stop this so that she can have unfettered access to me, in my daughters best interests of course, jokes even our best comedians probably wouldn’t think up.lol So if you want them to be accountable in any way that approach and working to ensure that you thrive are the only viable alternatives. Even though they might deserve it, sadly most other options are illegal and not so good for the concience.lol. This is the third year since the separation, the first two were insane, anything you could imagine including things that no sane human being could ever conceive, often on a daily basis, imagine what could be achieved if they used this energy for good instead of evil, half the worlds problems solved overnight.lol This year it has dropped off to generally weekly abusive/derogitory texts and emails on the pretext of sorting childrens issues, unfortunately, unavoidable contact due to the shared care arrangements. If I could sum it up in a quote it would be, do what you need to do for yourself and “Make sure that you don’t give the pr**k the satisfaction”.
Peace
John
hi all,
congrats to everyone on their healing journey, whether just beginning or well into it. and thank you tami and melanie for your broadcast/interview. it was wonderful to hear how you’ve both broken through the cycle of abuse and are discovering and re-discovering your own true selves.
i’d just like to respond to a comment made by karen about no one is worth dying for, except our children. well, on one level i totally agree with that, but on another level i don’t. not only was my husband narcissistically abusing me, but so was one of my daughters. i have only just recently broken off with both of them after more than 30 years of abuse. my husband is the consummate liar, an actor (both on stage and off), and excellent at his method of covert abuse. my daughter (37), on the other hand has been overtly abusing me since she was a little girl, through judgments, accusations, lies, you name it. neither one ever lifted a hand to me, which, in my mind, made it much more difficult to spot the abuse, realize it, accept it for what it was, and do something about it. in my daughter’s case, mental health issues were at the fore, and i accepted the abuse under the guise of her being sick. about 14 years ago, i was nearly dead from stress and tension, due not only to what was going on in my home, but from my job and a relationship (3-tiered — friendship, employee to her, and client) with, what i can see now is, a very disturbed therapist. i wasn’t fully aware of all that was going on around me in my family, but i was dealing with a stressful job (therapist for troubled adolescent girls) where management made it more and more difficult to feel empowered and safe in the workplace environment (the year after i left, the director, my supervisor, was brought up on charges of sexual abuse to his adolescent clients from years before when he worked there as a therapist). i was also emotionally untangling myself from the web of manipulations of the therapist i was a client of, an employee of, and best friend of after i returned to university and discovered the whole truth about ethics in the therapeutic profession. emotionally, i was a mess, and the situation at home, a chronically mentally ill daughter and emotionally (and often physically) absent husband, was just another situation i was surviving. both my health and my emotional stability were waning, and i came to the realization that i had to leave it all behind in order to stay alive and/or sane. i reported the therapist to our state board, and left the marriage. at the time, my younger daughter was 17, my older daughter was 21 and living out of the house.
i remained in town for 3 more years, still working but becoming increasingly sick. i had had 3 nervous breakdowns before i left, each time rendering me unable to drive because i could barely move my head, walk, or talk. my older daughter kept up the drama by becoming involved with drugs and thievery. finally, i knew that i had to leave town or i would die of the continuing stress. i quit my job, and 3 months later moved to mexico. the abuse from her was neverending, either because of what she said to me, or by not speaking to me for years at a time. my ex was continuing to be very helpful, especially with transferring my gov’t funds to my bank in mexico. i won’t go into the details of the stress involved in moving to a different country, culture, language, but i had another breakdown about a year after i moved. i was also seeing most all the doctors in our little town where i live, trying to find out why i kept getting so sick. i had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety before i left the states, and was taking medication for that. i also got married, this time to a man who taught me what love is really all about. without him, i truly believe i wouldn’t be alive today. i finally got into the healthcare system here, was diagnosed as being bi-polar with major depression, was put on stronger meds, anti-psychotics for awhile, meds to sleep. i developed glaucoma, incurable, and it’s been getting worse this past year. at one point, my balance became so bad that i couldn’t trust my legs after falling while on my morning walk and breaking my wrist and a bone in my spine. i then walked with a cane, sometimes a walker, and discovered that i had lyme’s disease. after going through an aggressive antibiotic treatment, the lyme’s symptoms went away, and i got my legs back. i also began meds for allergies, and my illnesses became less and less. my oldest daughter came back into my life in a very real way about 2 years ago, undergoing a treatment to cure her schizophrenia. i flew to be with her, took care of her for 6 weeks. a month later, i flew back to help her stabilize after her ordeal of being cured, and what that meant for her life. she asked for money to continue to pursue her master’s degree and start a business, and i gave her what i could. within 8 months, she told me that she didn’t want to hear from me anymore, didn’t want anything from me anymore, and excluded me from her life. to a mother, that is torture, the same torture i had been through before with her, but now she was supposedly ‘cured’! she also turned on her sister, who had been a very positive and supportive person through everything, and cut her off as well. hurting my other daughter was also very hurtful to me, because my heart bled for my younger daughter having to go through the same kind of treatment i had been going through for nearly 30 years. she and i both expected that there would be a personality change in her sister once the mental illness was over, but it hadn’t, not one whit. during this time, i discovered other addictive thoughts/behaviors that my ex had toward my daughters, and had to confront him while informing my younger daughter what her dad was saying about her. so, the double whammy of narcissistic abuse continued until about a month ago when i was pushed one time too many by the both of them, and i told them off, told them to leave me alone and get their shit together. it wasn’t pretty. she responded by emails in very ugly, hurtful ways, he responded with silence. so, narcissism can kill, no matter who is involved, and, no, even for my daughter, it’s not worth dying. i did nearly give my life for her, and the stress has taken a very real toll on my body and brain. i am using all this information being shared by all of you to reach my goals of health, sanity, and calm. i am 67, have been unable to work since i was 54, am paid a monthly check by the government, and live on pesos a day. i don’t have the energy to want more for my life, such as cars and money, because i have been depleted. i have been able to beat the depression and anxiety, am no longer on meds for either. my body’s defense system is now out of whack due to living in a constant state of fight/flight/freeze (my daughter was in and out of psychiatric hospitals due to suicide gestures, and i was always on hyper-alert, waiting for that phone call i dreaded), and the slightest bit of stress can make my inflammatory system overload and make me feel like i have a horrible allergy attack. i am looking to manifest health and a modicum of sanity through this, even though saying good-bye to my daughter went against every motherly instinct i possess, and every motherly message i’ve ever heard. but, i have decided that no, i’m not going to die for my daughter.
respectfully,
san
Hello , I have been married to a narcissist for 40 years. I donot have to explain my mental condition what’s left of it. I am now in the process of trying to Get Out. There was so much going on in my family and life that I didnot stop to think about it. In the beginning I usedto think it was because he is and was an alcoholic. But he has done it all, lied, cheated with all kind of hookers, put me down in front of friends and family on and on I could go. My detest for him is growing to the extremely wish him dead. I now have bad nerves and stomach.
Thanks so much for this radio show…..I can totally relate to your story and. Dealing with jeckal Hyde…..I keep looking for the husband I married 34 years ago . he can go weeks without speaking too me, then show up at my work confessing his devolved love. I keep getting suck back only to be treated bad….. Need to find in me why I believe his words………empty
Tami and Mel
You two are such an inspiration. I really enjoyed this one. Tami you sounded like you were telling my story. My ex was superior to all others morally and what a hook that was for me too since I was so tired of his predecessor and his narc ways. My ex husband presented himself as the perfect family man who would do whatever it took. We have been divorced for 15 years now and he is now 5 or so years into his 7th marriage. He and his new wife convinced my son ( now 18 years old) to go and live with them a year and a half ago and have since brainwashed my son against me. They convinced him to go and live with them by pressuring him, and giving him a car and money and telling him that he could do whatever he wants. I was the mom who wanted him to have his homework done and grades up or he would lose priviledges. We had fun together , went on vacations and took him and his friends here and there but there was responsibilty i.e. taking out the garbage and homework and picking up his room and bathroom. He now does not have any contact with me. The last time I reached out to him last April to see if he wanted to get together for dinner or to do something fun together he totally tore into me and was so hateful and disrespectful. I found out later that his dad overheard him talking to me and I do think it was for his fathers benefit. He sent me a text message within 10 or 15 mins. after tearing me apart apologizing to me for the way he spoke to me but does not want me to contact him. This is so painful for me. My son now seems to be emulating his father which scares the hell out of me. I recently saw a posting of a little poem he came up with on social media from my son that said he wants to be just like his dad. As far as I know he does not know that I check the tweets regularly. Anyway, this makes cringe and causes me great concern. He is 18 and I know that his brain not fullly developed yet. And I know that all I can do is work on me so that is what I am doing now. So on the show you all were talking about the forum. I don’t recall getting info about a forum and I could use some support. I really don’t have support now from anyone who understands. Thanks for your help and all you do. I could really use some encouragement. God bless you both!!
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